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Like most days, Robby is exhausted. It’s the fourth night of Hanukkah, which means they’ve seen a slight uptick in latke-related cooking oil burns. Christmas is a week away, which means they’ve seen a huge uptick in people inserting festive objects in places that they should not go.
“Five candy canes,” Robby says, leaning against the central hub. “Five.” He drops his head, letting it hang forward.
Jack sets a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezes. “We’re almost free, brother. Shen should be here any second with an obnoxiously large iced coffee.”
Robby fights the urge to lean into Jack’s hand. Fuck, every muscle in his body is so fucking tense.
“Tell me something,” Robby says. He lifts his head and looks at Jack. “Why the fuck does your holiday have a candy people love to stick up their ass?”
Jack laughs and moves to a work station to chart. Robby absolutely does not miss his warmth.
“No, Dr. Abbot, the people want to know,” Perlah says without taking her eyes off the computer screen in front of her.
“Hey,” Jack protests. “I know we’re all tired of extracting them, but I don’t think you can put this on me.”
Robby shrugs. “Oh, I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I hope I never see another candy cane again.”
“Bad news for you, boss,” Perlah says, still tapping away at her keyboard.
Robby groans. “At least it wasn’t glass this time.”
“I still maintain innocence,” Jack says. He runs a hand through his hair. Robby wishes he could keep from watching.
Robby has spent far too much of this shift looking at Jack. It’s been years since they worked the same shifts regularly, and, well. Maybe Robby misses him. Just a little.
“I maintain your guilt,” Robby says. “My people don’t stick holiday decor in their rectums.”
Jack tilts his head, infusing the motion with a paragraph’s worth of sarcasm. “I hope someone shoves a bag of gelt up their ass just for you.”
Robby doesn’t even know what to say to that except, “What would the point of that even be? It would melt. There are a lot more satisfying ways to stimulate your prostate. But what do I know, I’m just a guy who’s old enough to have been to the sex shop in person.”
Well, fuck. That is not what he meant to say at all.
They are at work during a busy shift. Jack is Robby’s best friend. Robby is also Jack’s boss. All of those things should prevent Jack from opening up his mouth and saying, “I like a man with experience,” but they don’t. Of course they don’t. Jack doesn’t play by the rules of mere mortals.
Robby can feel his face turn bright red. He wishes Jack had the decency to look embarrassed, but he just looks pleased with himself.
“You don’t like anyone,” Robby deflects. Jack doesn’t. He’s been closed for business the whole time Robby’s known him, in love and then grieving. Robby knows he doesn’t have a shot. He can’t afford to indulge in false hope on company time. “Cool it with that before I have to report us both to HR.”
Jack snorts. “You don’t know who I like. And you would never. I’m your favorite.”
Princess says something to Perlah in Tagalog, looking from Jack to Robby and back. Robby’s not sure what she’s saying, but he knows he wouldn’t like it.
Robby drifts for a few seconds. He lets the noise of the ED wash over him as he watches the muscles in Jack’s arm bunch and jump as he types. Yeah, okay. He’s missed Jack.
Today wasn’t an especially busy day. It’s been snowing on and off, most people staying in unless they’re truly having an emergency. Still, it’s the most fun he’s had at work in a long time. He loves working with Jack, watching Jack work. Watching Jack think.
Jack rolls his neck, working the stiffness out. Robby has to look away. He scrubs his hand over the back of his head. After a few too many beers and a Pirates loss, Jack had once mentioned that he goes for guys, in theory, but he’s never given the slightest indication that he’d go for Robby. And that’s fine. Jack is his friend. That’s enough.
A hand lands on Robby’s elbow. Not Jack’s hand, or Dana’s. Unwanted. He flinches away, then turns to see his least favorite cardiologist, the one who takes forever to come down and condescends to Robby’s entire department.
“Dr. Fisher,” Robby says with a nod, trying his best to project professionalism.
“I finished the consult in North 12. You guys have got to stop calling me down here for nothing.” He claps Robby’s shoulder, over-familiar.
Robby feels himself tense up at the touch before moving six inches to the left as subtly as he can.
“Our patients aren’t nothing,” Robby says flatly.
Fisher laughs like Robby’s making a joke. “You’re touchy today, Robby. What’s got you so stressed?”
You, Robby thinks. He furrows his brow in mock confusion and gestures vaguely at his emergency department.
“Pick a problem,” Jack says, dry.
“Oh, come on,” Fisher says, overly happy. Forced. “Get in the Christmas spirit!”
Jack brings his hand down on the desk and looks up at Fisher. “Robby’s Jewish.”
Fisher laughs again, boisterous. Robby really hates this guy. He takes another step away from him, considers slinking off and letting Jack handle it.
“Get in the Hanukkah spirit, then!” Fisher says.
Robby looks at Jack. Jack raises his eyebrows like, can you believe this guy? Unfortunately, Robby can.
“Gloria says I’m not allowed to get in the spirit of armed rebellion during the workday,” Robby says, a little short. Fuck it. This guy deserves to be snapped at.
Jack laughs, delighted. “He’s right. She really hates it when he does that.”
In answer to every prayer that Robby hasn’t prayed, Shen chooses that moment to make his entrance. He has not one but two giant coffees. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” he says.
“If you’ll excuse us, Dr. Fisher,” Jack says in a tone that leaves no room for argument. For once in his life, Fisher walks away with minimal protest. Good riddance.
Robby leans against the hub, hands balanced on the edge of the counter. “What’s the good news, John?”
“The good news is that I made it here for my shift,” Shen says. He sets one of the coffees down, then picks it back up when Dana, returning from calming a patient in South 10, looks at him expectantly.
Robby feels his hopes for an easy handover evaporate. “And the bad news?”
Shen winces. “It’s pretty unlikely that anybody’s going to be able to get home. It’s really coming down out there. Fucking blizzard or something.”
“Fuck me,” Robby sighs. He looks at Dana. “What the hell are we going to do with an entire shift’s worth of extra people?”
She looks at him like he’s being ridiculous. “Put ‘em in the cafeteria unless they want to sleep. Then we can send ‘em up to the empty wing on the eighth floor. Don’t worry about it, Cap. Lena and Bridget are here. We’ll figure it out.”
Robby sighs. He’s too fucking tired to deal with this. Organizing EVS and Facilities and whoever the hell else is going to be a nightmare because Robby doesn’t think he has many polite requests left in him. His chest starts to tighten at the thought of all the moving parts, all the tasks that need to be done.
“Hey,” Jack says, quiet. He’s right in Robby’s ear. Robby didn’t even notice him moving. “Night shift’s got this. You need to take a breather. You still got that office upstairs?”
Robby nods. “Yeah, but I can’t just walk out, Jack.”
This is his department, his people, his responsibility. He can’t fail them. Not again. He feels his pulse pick up and tries to regulate his breathing.
Jack grips him at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “You can, and you will. Your shift’s over, Robby. I’m going to hand over to Shen and see if there’s anything I can do to help. You are going to go upstairs and relax. You need rest, brother.”
Robby wants to fight him on it, but he almost sags under Jack’s touch. “Okay,” he agrees.
He goes to his locker on autopilot, grabs his stuff, heads up the stairs. Before he knows it, he’s unlocking the door to the office he hasn’t entered in months. He still thinks of it as Dr. Adamson’s office. The only thing he uses it for is storing reference books that could potentially come in handy.
Dust is gathering on all the hard surfaces. Robby ignores it. He strips off his scrub top and drops onto the couch. His bag hits the floor. He closes his eyes.
“Robby.” A hand is on his shoulder. He thought he was just resting his eyes, but he must have fallen asleep.
Robby cracks one eye open. He smiles. “Jack. Thought you were gonna do handoff.”
“I did.” Jack is sitting beside Robby, leg already off and propped against the wall. He doesn’t take his hand away. Robby can feel Jack’s warmth even through the fabric of his t-shirt. “You’ve been up here for half an hour, man.”
“Fuck,” Robby groans. Now that Jack mentions it, Robby notices that his shirt is blue now. It was black before. Robby rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. Like a fucking baby, his brain supplies. “I’ve been so damn tired. Tonight’s the fourth night of Hanukkah, and I still haven’t managed to light the candles once.”
Jack frowns. He digs his thumb into Robby’s shoulder, rubbing at the muscle. “I know it’s not a big holiday, but you should still celebrate it. We could move some things around if you need rest. I’ll make it happen.”
Robby feels warmth bloom in his chest at Jack’s words. He knows Jack would. He handles things, takes care of situations, especially for people he cares about. It feels good to have Jack in his corner. Robby considers Jack’s suggestion, thinks about his empty apartment, making food for just himself.
“Thanks for offering, but no,” Robby says with a shake of his head.
“Why not?” Jack asks. He shakes Robby a little by his shoulder. “Let me do this for you.”
“No point. Hanukkah’s a holiday for family, and I don’t have one,” Robby says. He bites his lip as soon as the words come out, like he can somehow get them back. Fucking pathetic. The last thing he wants is Jack’s pity.
Jack throws his arm around Robby’s shoulder and pulls him in until he’s pressed against Jack’s side.
“Bullshit,” Jack says. Challenges.
Robby knows better than to disagree. Jack will just dig his heels in, and he might take his arm away. Robby is selfish enough to want to prolong contact while he has it. Jack is warm and close and perfect.
“What, you want to come over on your night off for a holiday you don’t celebrate?” Robby asks.
Jack nods. “Yeah, if it’s with you.”
Robby’s glad that he only managed to turn a lamp on before falling asleep because he can feel himself blushing. “It’s really not a big deal. Not that exciting.”
“Well, we’re stuck here until the snow stops and the roads get cleared,” Jack says.
Jack brushes his thumb across Robby’s nape. Robby suppresses a shiver.
“Tell me about it?” Jack asks.
Robby looks out the small window at the snow falling, so thick in the air that he can barely make out the street outside. Jack’s right. They’re not going anywhere. Robby can’t bring himself to mind.
He opens his mouth to answer Jack, but he lets out a big yawn instead. Jack nudges him back toward the arm of the couch.
“Okay, first, lie down,” Jack says.
Robby gestures at the room, no other place to sit but the desk chair. “Where are you going to go?”
Jack grins. “Oh, I’ll just use you as a pillow.” He stands, balanced against the couch, and uses one arm to haul Robby’s legs up onto the cushions.
“Okay, fuck,” Robby says, going a little boneless at Jack’s manhandling. He can feel every one of Jack’s fingertips. “What’s happening right now?”
“We’re getting comfortable because we’re snowed in at the hospital,” Jack says. Like Robby’s being difficult.
Robby gestures between them. “And we’re going to cuddle about this?”
Jack climbs onto the couch, situating himself between Robby and the back cushions. “Absolutely.” He moves around until he’s comfortable. His final position puts his head on Robby’s chest with his arm around Robby’s waist. Robby tries to control his nervous system, but he knows his heart must be pounding. Slowly, he brings his arm up around Jack’s shoulders.
“Now you’re getting it,” Jack says approvingly.
Robby knows he must be blushing again, but he tries to ignore it. “Okay! Hanukkah,” he says. He hopes Jack can’t tell how flustered he is. “What do you already know?”
Jack shrugs. “Miracle where one night of oil lasted eight days, candles, latkes, presents.”
He hooks his finger in the chain of Robby’s Magen David. In that second, Robby could swear he stops breathing. He closes his eyes and forces himself to take deep breaths in and out. Everything about this is so intimate, so much more than he ever thought he’d have. He tries to enjoy it while it lasts.
“You’ve got the high points,” Robby says once he trusts his voice again.
Jack idly plays with Robby’s chain. “Tell me more about lighting the menorah,” he says, casual like he doesn’t have Robby on the edge of a cardiac event.
“Well,” Robby says as he tries to collect his words, “You’re supposed to light them at sundown, but I’ve managed that maybe a dozen times in my adult life. Since I haven’t done it yet this year, first I’d spend 10 minutes cleaning last year’s wax out with a corkscrew.”
“A corkscrew?” Jack laughs. Robby can feel Jack’s breath against his neck. “Thousands of years, and that’s the best method you’ve got?”
Robby tugs at one of Jack’s curls. They’re as soft as Robby thought they would be. Jack pinches him in retaliation, and Robby squirms away.
“Stop,” Robby says. He tries not to laugh. “This is very serious. After I use the ceremonial corkscrew the way my bubbe’s gentleman friend who definitely wasn’t her boyfriend taught me, we’d place the menorah in the window. Then we’d say the blessing and light the candles. So tonight, it would be four, plus the shamash, the helper candle. We use it to light the others.”
Jack nods. His hair brushes Robby’s chin. “I know we don’t have candles, but can you say the blessing for me anyway?”
“You speak Hebrew now?” Robby teases.
“Maybe I just like the sound of your voice,” Jack says.
Robby looks down at Jack’s face, expecting a smirk or a grin, but he just looks interested. Robby nods.
He clears his throat. “Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tisivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah,” Robby recites. He almost forgets what he’s saying in the face of Jack’s attention, but his memory keeps the words coming.
Jack pats Robby on the stomach. “Thank you. Sounded nice. What does it mean?”
Robby loses a few seconds to the weight of Jack’s big hand on his body. “It essentially praises God for commanding us to light the candles. There are two more blessings, one for just the first night, but I always have to look those up,” he says, a little sheepish.
“I want to learn to say them with you,” Jack announces.
Just the idea of Jack doing that for him makes Robby blink hard a few times. The blessing reminds him of his bubbe, so he’s already feeling a little emotional.
“You don’t have to do that,” Robby says.
Jack slips his hand underneath Robby’s shirt and grips his hip. “I want to.”
Robby feels like he’s losing his mind. They’re pressed up against each other on his office couch in the middle of a snowstorm, one of Jack’s hands still holding onto Robby’s necklace and the other touching his bare skin, asking to learn about Robby’s cultural practices. Is this an especially vivid dream? Did he suffer a head trauma? Or is Jack cuddling up to him because he wants too? Robby slides his hand down to the small of Jack’s back, still high enough to be above board.
“Now you’re getting it,” Jack says again. He sounds just a little smug. He wraps his arm tight around Robby’s middle. “Keep talking.”
Robby does. “Bubbe always made a Hanukkah dinner one night. Brisket and latkes and noodle kugel. She’d make me eat a vegetable, too.”
“How dare she,” Jack says in mock outrage. “Kugel’s like a noodle casserole, right?”
“Yeah,” Robby says. He risks running his fingers through Jack’s hair. Jack makes a pleased noise. “Egg noodles. Bubbe made it with sour cream, cottage cheese, and cinnamon. There’s sugar in it, so it’s kind of sweet. I’ll make it for you sometime. Latkes too, but they’re never as good as hers were.”
Jack grins into Robby’s shirt. “I’d like that. I know you don’t keep Kosher now, but you didn’t even when you were little, right?”
Robby makes the noise that Dana calls his “happy owl sound.” “Look who listens!”
“I’ve been known to, on occasion,” Jack says wryly. “And after that? Presents?”
“Yeah,” Robby says. He kisses the top of Jack’s head. He can’t believe he’s getting away with this. “Small ones, usually. Toy cars, comic books. Always at least one actual book. Something I needed, like a hat or gloves. I got a Slinky once. Then we’d play Dreidel. My cousins were a lot older than me, so they usually let me win because I liked gelt so much.”
“Liked? I know you still buy gelt for yourself,” Jack says. He tugs at Robby’s t-shirt.
Robby shrugs. “What can I say? Sometimes a grown man likes a little sugar.”
“Oh,” Jack says, voice full of mischief. “Well, in that case.” He pulls Robby down by his chain and shirt collar and kisses him right on the mouth.
For the first few seconds, Robby freezes. Jack gives him another gentle kiss, then starts to pull back. That’s the last thing Robby wants. He gets his hands on Jack’s hips and hauls him closer. “Wait.”
Robby takes a deep breath and kisses Jack’s forehead. “I don’t want you to go anywhere, but I need to make sure. This isn’t a one night only, snowed in during the holidays thing, is it?” Robby couldn’t handle that. Not with Jack.
Jack leans in and nips at Robby’s bottom lip just hard enough to hurt. “Don’t ever say that to me again,” he says, firm. “And don’t ever say that you don’t have a family again, either. It’s you and me, Mike. You know that, don’t you?”
Robby looks into Jack’s big hazel eyes, full of intensity like always. He thinks he might have missed something in that look. Not the whole time, but these last couple of years. Jack has been there, steady and present and reliable, for no other reason than because he wanted to be.
“Yeah,” Robby says. He presses his hand to Jack’s cheek. He likes the way Jack’s stubble rasps against his palm. “I think I do.”
Jack drags Robby into another kiss, longer and more involved. “Jesus Christ,” he says against Robby’s lips. “I’ve been trying to get you to notice for the last year. For a smart guy, you’re the densest fucker I’ve ever met.”
Robby pulls Jack fully on top of him. “I’m noticing now.”
“I would hope so.” Jack takes Robby’s face in both hands and kisses him. He scratches gently through Robby’s beard, then kisses him again. Robby goes with it, just trying to keep up. Of course Jack is great at this too. Minutes pass, the two of them lost in each other. More kisses, more touches. Robby gets his hand under Jack’s shirt to touch the smooth skin of his back. Before long, Robby can feel himself getting hard in his cargo pants.
“Jack,” Robby sighs.
“Hmm?” Jack asks. “Oh.”
He rocks his hips down. Robby can feel where he’s thickening up too. “Jack,” Robby says more insistently.
“What?” Jack asks. He brings his hand down to cup Robby through the fabric. “Fuck, you feel good.”
“Jesus Christ,” Robby moans.
Jack pokes Robby in the side. “You’re moaning another man’s name with my hand on your cock? Unbelievable.”
Robby rolls his eyes despite being almost out of his mind with lust. “But it’s fine when you do it?”
“Yeah,” Jack says. He kisses Robby’s jaw. “I say it, maybe I’m praying. You say it, you’re just calling out the name of a bearded carpenter.”
“I cannot stand you,” Robby laughs.
Jack smirks. “Something’s standing.”
Robby groans. He kisses Jack again, then pulls him back a little by his hips. “Okay, okay, stop. We’re not doing this for the first time in Monty’s office.”
Now it’s Jack’s turn to moan. “It’s hot that you can do that. But you’re right. After waiting this long, we deserve a bed.”
Jack lies back down, face pressed to Robby’s chest. “I have tomorrow night off. I’m coming over and celebrating with you. We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for, but I want to be there for you.”
Robby rubs big, slow circles on Jack’s back. “I really didn’t think I had a shot in hell with you. Yeah, I want you there. Pretty sure I’ll be ready for anything we can come up with.”
“We’re going to work on your self-image,” Jack says, stern. “After we take a nap.”
Robby laughs. Jack looks downright cute with his face smashed against Robby’s shirt. “Whatever you say.”
Jack just nods and tangles his fingers back in the chain of Robby’s Magen David. “Sleep.”
The room is warm, especially with Jack on top of him. The night is snow-quiet, like the whole world is under a blanket. Robby kisses Jack’s curls. Sleep. He thinks he can do that.