Chapter Text
It was a normal day by all accounts.
He woke up, neck slightly stiff and the sound of a baby crying down the hallway paired with the murmur of comforting words; there’s a knock on the door and Sams’ face appears a moment later.
“Morning!”
Luke blamed being jet-lagged for the groan coming out of his mouth as he buries back under the covers and turns away from his friend.
“Aww, c’mon Luke! It’s a wonderful drizzly day, time to wake up and greet the British weather, time t-”
“Alright.”
Like a tornado Sam had arrived, caused chaos, and left Luke to deal with the fallout as he sat up, hair a mess and eyes stinging even with his glasses secured on his face as he finally drags himself out the spare bed and shuffles his way into Sams’ kitchen, a tired smile and low-effort wave aimed towards both Jay and Scarlett as a cup of tea materialises into his hand.
“Morning Luke, sorry about him. He’s been up with the little one since about 3.”
“Don’t worry about it, he was like this in Uni.”
Jay simply laughs as she bounces Scarlett in her arms and Luke smiles into his mug, taking a sip of tea that warms his bones in the chill of the English weather; milky with a single spoonful of sugar.
“How was the flight, Sam said you were delayed?”
Luke nods solemnly as he takes another sip.
“Yeah. Flight was meant to get me in by one but I never even left Barcelona until three. Got into London about half five.”
“And Sam’s woken you up now??”
He waves his hand with a tired smile as he chugs the rest of his tea and washes the now empty mug in the sink.
“Honestly, it’s fine. I’ll just have a nap or something before the show.”
“Why don't you just go back to bed? You know I don't mind and I'm sure Sam would understand after a smack around the ear.”
Luke chuckles alongside Jay as he smiles at her and checks his watch, the time reading ten to 9 in the morning and he sighs, hand ruffling his bed hair and he grimaces slightly at the feeling of grime from the plane journey.
“I appreciate that Jay but, honestly I'll be alright. A bit of food, quick shower. I'll be right as rain.”
“If you're sure, hun.”
Scarlett starts fussing in her arms and she gives him a tired smile before ducking out of the kitchen; Luke gives a little wiggle of his fingers as Scarlett stares at him from over Jays’ shoulder.
###
They were setting up before the show like usual.
AJ’s voice could be heard booming out into the space of the venue as he tested the mic, his voice interrupted by snippets of their classic pre-show playlist growing louder then quieter. Sam was jumping and dancing all around the stage, body warming up as Luke and Tom worked together to set out the chairs and there was an overall conversation floating between the four of them; the three of them consistently chuckled whenever the speakers crackled with AJ’s response drowning out their words.
The two of them meet at the end of a row, bodies leaning into each other as they laugh again, smiles soft and aimed as if they were the only ones in the venue before blush-stained faces turned away; Luke picked up another stack of chairs and laid them out with the feeling of eyes on the back of his head.
###
Head a little dizzy, Luke bows one last time to the cacophony of applause and turns to follow his friends off stage, their legs taking them to the greenroom to take a moment to cool off, pack their things and get ready for the meet and greet where he’ll smile and laugh and converse and hug their fans, taking pictures with them that still fill him with glee at the fact that, not only do they have fans, but that they have fans willing to travel from all over just too see them.
He could hear Toms’ deep laugh over the sea of people, his head constantly fighting to look over each time he heard the taller man speak but he couldn't let himself. He had to focus on the fans talking to him, laughing with him, asking for pictures with him; but when he could, he did.
He allowed himself to glance over at the mesmerising man whenever he did get the chance and it made his smile for the pictures just a little more true than before.
After saying goodbye and entering the venue once more for any final checks of equipment or personal belongings, the end of the night found the four of them bickering and laughing all the way to the closest pub as they celebrated yet another successful show.
Luke - naturally at this point - found himself lodged next to Tom as they giggled at some of their games from the show and discussed the entirety of it as a whole group, more and more drinks being chucked down until their legs felt fuzzy and so did their heads.
When they finally decided to leave, there was a cheeky shot shared and a sensible glass of water consumed and Luke left the group momentarily to relieve himself; he bumped - more stumbled - into a body and immediately raised his hands in apology.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn't see you there.”
“Surprising, considering how tall you guys tell me I am.”
Well, that was certainly a dangerous situation Luke had found himself in.
Drunk, loose-lipped and alone with Tom in a hallway that felt full of solitude with only room for a weird type of intimacy and Luke could already tell through his alcohol filled haze that his face was giving away what he always tried so hard to hide; his cheeks felt warm from the blush and he swears - he swears - that Tom was looking at him in the same way the taller man made his veins crackle and pop.
“You alright there, Lovely Little Luke Manning?”
In the morning, he'll blame it on the alcohol. On the high of the show. Maybe turn it into a joke story like how Sam did with their game of chicken in university as his brain and body decided simultaneously to say ‘fuck it’, fingers grasping the collar of Toms’ shirt to wrench him down and connect their lips; he gasped slightly in shock when hands gripped his waist to pull against Toms’ as the taller man reciprocated with more feeling Luke could only dream about.
A groan was pushed out of him as his back hit a wall, a large hand still gripping his waist as another moved to cradle his cheek and somehow pull him closer, mouths moving in sync as their tongues clashed together and Luke could feel his blood rushing south as a leg pushes in-between his thighs and he's pinned.
Toms’ leg was long enough where Luke didn't need it to move as his hips jerked forwards, a brush against Tom enough for Luke to feel the taller man's arousal. Enough for him to know that, even if this was all because of alcohol, Tom still felt something similar to the way Luke felt about him; he felt lips connect to a spot under his ear, a light graze of teeth sending a shock wave through his veins, an involuntary moan rumbling from his chest and a hand clamps itself over his mouth.
“Gotta be quiet, otherwise everyone will find out.”
It was whispered right into his ear and he couldn't help but let out a small whine, the noise of it muffled by the hand still over his mouth until finally, Tom pulled away just enough for Luke to feel his breath hot on his face as he kept his eyes closed just to revel in the moment before things came crashing down.
The moment never came though, his eyes flickering open with hesitation only to be met with the eyes he'd been wanting on him ever since he met the older man in university, the hand covering his mouth moved back to cradle his cheek, fingers caressing the skin ever so softly.
“I've been wanting to do that… for so long.” Tom breathed.
“I've been hoping to do that since uni.” Luke whispered.
“Then come home with me. We can talk now, we can talk in the morning- I don't care. Come home with me.” Tom begged.
“Please.” Luke pleaded, pupils blown wide.
Tom kissed him again, soft and slow and all encompassing before pulling away, Luke's hand slipping into his only briefly before letting go as they got back into the main room, Sam and AJ laughing near the front door and waving them over.
###
He’d looked.
He had.
He'd looked left, then right, then twice more for good measure and stepped out into the road, his friends not far behind, Tom the closest from when they'd walked as close as they could without suspicion when it happened.
Screeching wheels, blinding light, screams of fear and then he was flying. Body motionless as it hit - not hit, but crashed against the tarmac, clothes ripping and skin tearing as he skidded harshly across the road.
At first there was nothing.
Then there was everything.
Pain. Throbbing, stinging, blinding pain as his body shrieked.
He could feel his bones and how they had shattered, how the cold from the winter weather covering the tarmac now spread a warmth around him as someone screamed and whimpered; when hands touch his tender skin, he realises the screaming was him.
“Is the ambulance-”
“It’s on-”
“Luke, can you-”
“Give him some-”
“Did anyone get the license-”
“Luke, can you hear me??”
His eyes were bad anyway but, when he strained and panted his way into opening them, he could barely make out the face in front of him but he would know who it was even if he was blind. Tom was lying next to him, a hand resting - distantly, he could feel it - on his cheek, his face close to something different to the colour of tarmac and when he could finally, finally muster enough of something to see, he realised the weird colour was blood.
“Luke. Luke, hey. There’s an ambulance on the way, alright?”
“Tom.”
It was strained, husky, gritted through groaning teeth and stars dotted his eyes risking him to faint just from that one word alone.
“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving.”
“Hurts.”
“I know, I know it does. I know it hurts but you're doing so well.”
He’s not really sure how but Luke managed to scrabble and drag his arm until he could limply grasp Toms’ hand in his own as an overwhelming, overloading wave of fear crashes into him.
“Luke. Luke? No. N-Luke? Luke?Lu- WHERE’S THE AMBULANCE?? Luke… Lu…”
Tom’s voice was getting quieter, more desperate, less intelligible and it’s too late for him when he finally understands that he’s fading.
He woke up, neck slightly stiff and the sound of a baby crying down the hallway paired with the murmur of comforting words; there’s a knock on the door and Sams’ face appears a moment later.
“Morning!”
Luke blamed being jet-lagged pairing with the weirdest most surreal dream he'd just had like some sort of messed up cocktail for the groan coming out of his mouth as he buries back under the covers and turns away from his friend.
“Aww, c’mon Luke! It’s a wonderful drizzly day, time to wake up and greet the British weather, time t-”
“Alright.”
Sam cackles and leaves Luke to deal with the fallout as he sits up with a heavy sigh and drags himself out of bed, half asleep but awake enough to make the bed as he then shuffles into the kitchen, a cup of tea materialising into his hand as he sees Jay bouncing Scarlett up and down in her arms.
“Morning Luke, sorry about him. He’s been up with the little one since about 3.”
“Don’t worry about it, he was like this in Uni.”
“How was the flight, Sam said you were delayed?”
Luke nods solemnly as he takes another sip. He feels a strange sensation as he recalls a very very similar conversation happening between him and Jay in the dream he had.
“Yeah. Flight was meant to get me in by one but I never even left Barcelona until three. Got into London about half five.”
“And Sam’s woken you up now??”
As he waves her off with a tired smile, he poses the same response and coincidentally gets the same answers and his face must show his dilemma with Jay laying a gentle hand on his arm.
“You alright? You know you're welcome to go back to bed, right?”
“I appreciate that Jay but, honestly I'll be alright. A bit of food, quick shower. I'll be right as rain.”
“If you're sure, hun.”
Scarlett starts fussing in her arms and she gives him a tired smile before ducking out of the kitchen and Luke gives a little wiggle of his fingers as Scarlett stares at him from over Jays’ shoulder; his stomach drops at a feeling he's unsure of.
###
They were setting up before the show like usual.
AJ’s voice could be heard booming out into the space of the venue as he tested the mic, his voice interrupted by snippets of their classic pre-show playlist growing louder then quieter. Sam was jumping and dancing all around the stage, body warming up as Luke and Tom worked together to set out the chairs and there was an overall conversation floating between the four of them; the three of them consistently chuckled whenever the speakers crackled with AJ’s response drowning out their words.
The two of them meet at the end of a row, bodies leaning into each other as they laugh again, smiles soft and aimed as if they were the only ones in the venue before blush-stained faces turned away; Luke picked up another stack of chairs and laid them out with the feeling of eyes on the back of his head.
A hand lands gently on his arm for the second time that day and he turns to see concern in big brown eyes that could look directly into his soul if all he did was ask.
“You okay?”
“Yeah… yeah just, the delay got me tired is all.”
Tom simply nods and they finish setting up with the continuous sound of AJ crackling through the speakers in the background.
###
Head a little dizzy and heart full, he took his last bow and waved at the cheering crowd as the four of them made a quick pace to the greenroom where they all took a moment to cool off and prepare for the meet and greet. He smiles, laughs and chances a moment whenever he can to look upon the tallest member only to look away and smile a bit more true for a picture with fans so doting that they're willing to travel from all over.
After saying goodbye and entering the venue once more for any final checks of equipment or personal belongings, the end of the night found the four of them bickering and laughing all the way to the closest pub as they celebrated yet another successful show.
Luke - naturally at this point - found himself lodged next to Tom as they giggled at some of their games from the show and discussed the entirety of it as a whole group, more and more drinks being chucked down until their legs felt fuzzy and so did their heads.
When they finally decided to leave, there was a cheeky shot shared and a sensible glass of water consumed and Luke left the group momentarily to relieve himself; he bumped - more stumbled - into a body and immediately raised his hands in apology.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn't see you there.”
“Surprising, considering how tall you guys tell me I am.”
Well, that was certainly a dangerous situation Luke had found himself in.
Drunk, loose-lipped and alone with Tom in a hallway that felt full of solitude with only room for a weird type of intimacy and Luke could already tell through his alcohol filled haze that his face was giving away what he always tried so hard to hide; his cheeks felt warm from the blush and he swears - he swears - that Tom was looking at him in the same way his veins crackled and popped.
“You alright there, Lovely Little Luke Manning?”
In the morning, he'll blame it on the alcohol. On the high of the show. Maybe turn it into a joke story like how Sam did with their game of chicken in university as his brain and body decided simultaneously to say ‘fuck it’, fingers grasping the collar of Toms’ shirt to wrench him down and connect their lips; he gasped slightly in shock when hands gripped his waist to pull against Toms’ as the taller man reciprocated with more feeling Luke could only dream about.
A groan was pushed out of him as his back hit a wall, a large hand still gripping his waist as another moved to cradle his cheek and somehow pull him closer, mouths moving in sync as their tongues clashed together and Luke could feel his blood rushing south as a leg pushes in-between his thighs and he's pinned.
Toms’ leg was long enough where Luke didn't need it to move as his hips jerked forwards, a brush against Tom enough for Luke to feel the taller man's arousal. Enough for him to know that, even if this was all because of alcohol, Tom still felt something similar to the way Luke felt about him; he felt lips connect to a spot under his ear, a light graze of teeth sending a shock wave through his veins, an involuntary moan rumbling from his chest and a hand clamps itself over his mouth.
“Gotta be quiet, otherwise everyone will find out.”
It was whispered right into his ear and he couldn't help but let out a small whine, the noise of it muffled by the hand still over his mouth until finally, Tom pulled away just enough for Luke to feel his breath hot on his face as he kept his eyes closed just to revel in the moment before things came crashing down.
The moment never came though, his eyes flickering open with hesitation only to be met with the eyes he'd been wanting on him ever since he met the older man in university, the hand covering his mouth now moving back to cradle his cheek, fingers caressing the skin ever so softly.
“I've been wanting to do that… for so long.” Tom breathed.
“I've been hoping to do that since uni.” Luke whispered.
“Then come home with me. We can talk now, we can talk in the morning- I don't care. Come home with me.” Tom begged.
“Please.” Luke pleaded, pupils blown wide as a sense of desperation washed through him.
Tom kissed him again, soft and slow and all encompassing before pulling away, Luke's hand slipping into his only briefly before letting go as they got back into the main room, Sam and AJ laughing near the front door and waving them over.
###
Screeching wheels, blinding light, screams of fear and then he was flying. Body motionless as it hit - not hit, but crashed against the tarmac, clothes ripping and skin tearing as he skidded harshly across the road.
"Is the ambulance-”
“It’s on-”
“Luke, can you-”
“Give him some-”
“Did anyone get the license-”
“Luke, can you hear me??”
The pain was everywhere. Shattered bones grinding together as he tugs, wrenches, pulls his eyes open to Tom as close as the man can get, eyes glistening with tears as dark red blood seeps slowly towards him; from where he wasn't sure but that same strange feeling fizzing through him throughout the day told him it was his.
“Luke. Luke, hey. There’s an ambulance on the way, alright?”
“Tom.”
It was strained, husky, gritted through groaning teeth and stars dotted his eyes risking him to faint just from that one word alone.
“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving.”
“Hurts.”
“I know, I know it does. I know it hurts but you're doing so well.”
He’s not really sure how but Luke managed to scrabble and drag his arm until he could limply grasp Toms’ hand in his own as an overwhelming, overloading and somehow familiar wave of fear crashes into him.
“Luke. Luke? No. N-Luke? Luke? Lu- WHERE’S THE AMBULANCE?? Luke… Lu…”
Tom’s voice was getting quieter, more desperate, less intelligible and it’s enough of a coincidence for him to know that he’s fading before he hears a final cry from Tom and then everything stops.
He woke up, neck slightly stiff and the sound of a baby crying down the hallway paired with the murmur of comforting words; there’s a knock on the door and Sams’ face appears a moment later.
But he's already sat up, glasses on his face and a feeling of bewilderment taking ahold of his entire being.
“Morning!”
Luke looks at Sam as the other man simply smiles wider, a cheekiness to his expression before he nods and disappears leaving Luke to look at the wall in front of him in confusion; he doesn't quite remember making his way to the kitchen, mind stuck in a cloudy daze of ‘what the hell is happening?’.
“Morning Luke, sorry about him. He’s been up with the little one since about 3.”
“Don’t worry about it, he was like this in Uni.”
“How was the flight, Sam said you were delayed?”
“Yeah. Flight was meant to get me in by one but I never even left Barcelona until three. Got into London about half five.”
“And Sam’s woken you up now??”
There was no laughter, no tired chuckle. His face was as blank as he felt as he recalls not one but two dreams he had that had played out the same day in the same way; it was only the morning but already he was waiting to wake up.
“Honestly, it’s fine. I’ll just have a nap or something before the show.”
“Why don't you just go back to bed? You know I don't mind and I'm sure Sam would understand after a smack around the ear.”
“I appreciate that Jay but, honestly I'll be alright. A bit of food, quick shower. I'll be right as rain.”
“If you're sure, hun.”
Instead of watching Jay leave and sending a little wave Scarlett's way as she does, Luke puts his empty mug in the sink and leaves first.
###
“I think I die tonight.”
The laughter stops immediately, a chair scraping as Tom lets go to look at him. Sam faces him with a look of bafflement and there's a crackle through the speakers when AJ sets the microphone down.
“Wha-is… is this like a riddle or something?”
AJ looks up at the ceiling already trying to pick through his words as Sam steps off the stage and closer to him. Tom just continues to look, face unusually blank whilst Luke shakes his head.
“Hit and run.”
“Hit and run?”
“Yeah.”
Sam looks almost offended at his answer, eyebrows furrowing as his mouth scrunches up in disbelief.
“Okay yeah, sure. What, did you become a fortune teller or something overnight? Read the cards wrong and suddenly you die from a hit and run after the show?”
“No it- I… I've been having this dream th-”
“Oh a dream. Of course yeah, that makes sense.”
“Would you shut up and listen?”
The three of them have gathered around him like schoolchildren as he rubs his head with a sigh, hand on his waist and eyes serious.
“Look, I've been having this dream. Of today. We do the show, we do the meet and greet, we go to the Fox and Hounds for a couple drinks and on the way back to To- on the way back, I get hit by a car and… I think I bleed out? Not sure but either way, I get hit and I die before the ambulance can arrive.”
“I know we have dark humour but thi-this is just a bit sick.”
“Sam-”
“You're tired mate. Yes, I probably shouldn't have woken you up when I did but like you said, it was a dream. It's just a dream.”
###
His body flies under the gaze of blinding light and this time it's Sam holding his hand when he drifts away.
Once is an accident.
Twice is a coincidence.
Three times is a pattern.
One screwed up and confusing pattern that caused Luke to shoot up, neck stiff, the sound of a baby crying paired with comforting words causing his head to spin and he doesn't hear when Sam bursts into his room like a tornado just the like first time this happened; and the second and the third.
“You alright, mate?”
“Timeloop.” he murmurs.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Luke shakes his head as he takes a calming breath and looks at Sam with a tired smile.
“It's nothing.”
###
“Morning Luke, sorry about him. He's been up with the little one since about 3.”
He doesn't even bother with the tea this time, he just turns to Jay and faces her straight-on.
“I'm not crazy.”
Jay begins to bounce Scarlett lightly as her head tilts and her lips lift up in half a smile.
“I never said you were.”
“I know. I just- I wanted to… to preface what I'm about to say with the fact that I'm not crazy even,” he scoffs slightly, “even though I definitely feel crazy right now.”
Luke takes a deep breath when he sees Jay nod and wait for him to continue; Scarlett stares at him blankly and he feels a strange kinship with her expression.
“Timeloops, right? Groundhog day, the good part in Edge of Tomorrow with a montage, that one episode in Supernatural?”
“I'm familiar with the concept, yes.”
“I think I'm in one.”
It feels as if everything stops even though it's just Jay holding Scarlett still instead of bouncing her, eyebrows furrowing and face taking on a clear look of bewilderment.
“You're… in one?”
“I know it's not physically or mentally or emotionally or just overall scientifically possible but, at first I thought it was a dream but… how many times can you have a dream of the same day, live it and then dream it again?”
“Well the human brain isn't fully understood so, it's possible. I think you might just be tired though, how was your flight? Sam said you were delayed.”
Luke goes to protest, a clear thought that Jay doesn't believe him when he realises there was something he could do; so he sags his shoulders and rubs his eyes with a deep breath.
“Yeah. Flight was meant to get me in by one but I never even left Barcelona until three. Got into London about half five.”
“And Sam’s woken you up now??”
“And Sam's woken you up now??”
Jay looks - understandably - baffled as Luke copies her words and intonation perfectly but he doesn't stop there.
“Honestly, it’s fine. I’ll just have a nap or something before the show.”
“Why don't you just go back to bed? You know I don't mind and I'm sure Sam would understand after a smack around the ear.”
“Why don't you just go back to bed? You know I don't mind and I'm sure Sam would understand after a smack around the ear.”
“I appreciate that Jay but, honestly I'll be alright. A bit of food, quick shower. I'll be right as rain.”
There's a hesitance to Jay and Luke feels guilty at the way she turns slightly - to protect Scarlett he knows - and he watches her eyes widen when Luke opens his mouth at the exact same time as her.
“If you're sure, hun.”
“If you're sure, hun.”
They stare at each other, chests both heaving and hearts both pumping and Luke feels desperate.
“Please believe me.”
The moment Jay shouts for Sam, Luke knows not to ask her again; he's carted off to a psychiatric hospital for the rest of the day and doesn't even realise when the clock strikes twelve.
The worst part about figuring out he's in some type of timeloop, being forced to re-live the same day over and over again through something non-human was the neck pain.
Yes, as unique the predicament he found himself in where he seemingly dies each time after living through the day knowing from the moment he wakes up that Tom feels the same, the trivial feeling of neck pain when he first opens his eyes is the thing he hates about this never-ending day the most; so when he wakes up on loop 10, he decides to have fun with it.
Sam bursts in exactly 2 minutes 37 seconds after he wakes - yes he counted, he was bored on loop 7 - and Luke feels a familiar comradery fall over him from when they hung out in Uni.
“Morning!”
“No. Morning to you!”
His friend looks momentarily shocked but shakes it off with a larger smile and a nod before slinking away like usual.
Luke asks to hold Scarlett to give Jay as best a break he could and he bounces her, making silly noises to match the silly faces he pulls and his smile when Scarlett laughs hurts his face as he winks at the phone he could see Jay holding in his peripheral; his own phone pings after he exits his shower with a patreon notification and immediately he knows what had been uploaded.
###
Me
you free before the show?10:06
Tom ☀️
10:13 sorry mate, I just saw this
10:13 yeah, I'm free!
10:13 what's up?
Me
wanna chat about something 10:15
all good, I promise! 10:15
you free now? 10:15
Tom ☀️
10:16 spare key's in the usual spot :)
###
No matter the amount of times visited and the amount of times invited to use the spare key, Luke rings the doorbell to Toms’ flat and waits patiently for the taller man to make his way to the front door; it swings open a minute or so later and Luke is subjected to pure sunshine in a smile.
“You know, I don't tell you about the spare key just for you to ring the doorbell.”
“And yet I do it every time.”
“And yet you do… well, come on in. The kettle's just boiled.”
He smiles - maybe too soft, maybe too open - and steps across the threshold, feet taking him up the stairs as the front door closes behind him, the sound of Tom following close a comforting thing.
When they finally settle in Tom's living room, tea hot and steaming in their hands, Luke realises that for the first time since this strange phenomenon began he was finally going to follow through with the feelings that had been consuming his very soul; but since this was his timeloop of ‘fuck it’, he went about it in an unconventional way.
“How long is ‘so long'?”
Tom hums in questioning, an understandable look of confusion on his face as he turns to look at Luke fully.
“Wanting to kiss me. Outside of shows, that is. You've been wanting to do it for a long time, so how long?”
His face falls slightly and Luke can see the way his eyes dart around as his cheeks heat up a rosy red in real time.
“I… Have I really been that obvious?”
“No, no. I just- call it intuition. A hunch. I think if it wasn't because of your reaction, I'd be living each day without a clue.”
“But you knew?”
Luke cups Tom's cheek, as a way to make the other man look at him and because he simply felt like it. He ducks his head to properly catch the taller man's gaze and he feels as if none of the words swirling around in his head could fit the way he wanted this to go so he leans in, slow, soft, an opportunity for Tom to pull away; they both sigh - in relief, in a sense of “finally” - as Luke feels a hand cup the back of his neck and pull him closer.
###
“Are you not gonna take your shirt off?”
They were in Tom's room, Luke sat happily on his lap with their shared arousal doing nothing to hide itself from the confines of their boxers.
“You've seen me shirtless before.”
“Yeah, but not like this.”
One of Tom's hands strokes up his thigh, over his hip and it plays tantalisingly at the skin of his stomach revealed from his unbuttoned shirt. But his eyes never left his and Luke felt more exposed than any semblance of nakedness could ever cause him.
“Isn't being slightly dressed more sexy? Leaving it all up to your imagination?”
Tom moves to fiddle with part of his shirt as he pouts - yes, pouts - and Luke falls a little more in love.
“Next time, mi sol.”
A noise Luke would never admit to escapes him, as arms wrap around his waist to roll the both of them over until he could feel his hair fanning around upon the pillow beneath his head and he matches the pace Tom sets, as their mouths meet with a fervourous need.
Lips kiss down his chest, each press lifting his chest up and down in a quicker sensation; their boxers come off, their bodies connect in the closest way and his shirt stays on.
###
“If I told you something crazy… would you think I'm crazy?”
They were tucked under the covers, Luke's fingers tracing nonsensical patterns across Tom's bare shoulder as he feels his hand doing the same thing through the fabric of his shirt.
“Crazier than what we just did?”
“Way crazier. Like… psychiatric hospital crazy. In fact, if I tell you, you have to promise not to send me to one.”
He doesn't realise the shiver that wracks lightly through him as memories of that loop flash through his mind but, he's pulled out of it with the press of a soft kiss to his temple.
“I promise, there will be no psychiatric hospital visits with the crazy you tell me.”
With a light kiss to Tom's shoulder and his body burying itself further into his hold, Luke looks unfocused at a wall and takes a deep breath.
“I think- no, I know I'm… I'm in a timeloop.”
“Timeloop?” It floats to his ears as a tone of disbelief and curiosity all tangled together.
“Just. Just let me finish, please?”
Tom hums in confirmation and Luke feels his hand stroke all the way into his hair, fingers scratching lightly at his scalp and if he wasn't about to ruin this whole experience, he would've fallen asleep right there and then.
“At first, I thought it was a weird dream. Like a dream inside a dream that feels annoyingly real but it kept happening over and over again. The same day, in the same way. Sam wakes me up in the way he used to do in uni, I talk with Jay for a little bit before getting a shower and following Sam around town before meeting you and AJ at the venue where we set up for the show. AJ's on the tech, Sam dances on the stage as a warm up and we set up the chairs. We do the show - it's a great show by the way, we play a really fun, really creepy brother duo - then the meet and greet and then we spend the rest of the evening in the Fox and Hounds. I go to the toilet, we bump into each other on accident and then I… I kiss you and we get really into it, as in ‘I'm against a wall and your leg is in-between mine and we plan to come back to yours’ kind of into it. We leave the pub with Sam and AJ and then… and then I… and then I die. A hit and run with an ambulance that doesn't arrive in time and, next thing I know is I'm waking up again to Sam greeting me in the morning.”
Silence with an interruption of their quiet and consistent breaths and Luke's scared by how unsure he feels.
“I know it sounds crazy- I sound crazy. But I swear, it's true.”
Tom stays silent. Luke can feel the tears welling in his eyes and he's ready to scrap this loop just to erase the look Tom was going to give; that is until he's pulled closer and Tom squeezes him as tight as he could.
“That's a lot to take in. I'm not saying I don't believe you but… it's a lot. How long have you been stuck?”
He feels small. Even with the height difference that doesn't bother him he felt uncharacteristically small in the hold of Tom as he breathes out a tear that tracks slowly down his cheek
“This is loop 9? No, loop 10. I tried to tell Jay on loop 4 and that… they sent me to the hospital.”
“Psychiatric hospital. Of course. It makes sense that you made me promise but, you know I wouldn't send you anywhere even if I didn't believe you, right?”
“I thought Sam wouldn't either but, that's where I spent the rest of my day.” Luke shrugged, a sniffle coming out of him every now and then as he soaked in the knowledge that he was believed. Maybe not 100% but it was enough for him not to care.
“So… have we done this, before?”
“No I-uh. This is sort of my ‘fuck it’ loop? I'm giving myself a break from the same shit. Hoping maybe it'll help my head clear so I can actually find a way out.”
Tom hums in acknowledgement, his arms still tight around Luke.
“You said we kiss in the hallway though.”
“Yeah… best part of the loop is knowing I get to kiss you and be held by you before I, well, wake up and have to do it all over again.”
“And by wake up you mean, when you-” Toms’ words are choked off and Luke sits up to look at him, tears shining in his doe eyes and already there's a mournful look to them as he meets Lukes when the shorter man cups his face.
“There's a positive to this, you know.”
Tom's face gives way to an incredulous look that Luke matches with a sad smile.
“You won't remember it.”
The taller man's face scrunches up and Luke can taste the saltiness of his tears when he gets pulled in for a bittersweet kiss.
###
No matter how close Tom sticks to Luke's side.
No matter how much he guards him as he looks around; head on a swivel like motion.
No matter how much Tom tries.
The car still comes and Luke still sees Tom as his life drains away.
It pains him to do so but, after his ‘fuck it’ loop, Luke decides to make sure he and Tom never kiss. He makes sure to apologise when he bumps into Tom and walk away; each time is like a spark in his veins as his mind flicks through the memories of the two of them together - connected and sharing bodies, sharing breaths, sharing souls.
The alcohol he used to consume with the rest of them is dwindled away until he learns how to nurse the same beer without getting caught for at least an hour, maybe longer.
Playing the same games and repeating the same lines gets boring so he does what he does best; he improvises. Each loop sees him changing a line, changing a reaction, changing the entire scene if he so dares as he feels - for the first time in what felt like forever - alive and new with so many choices laid out in front of him like a buffet in front of a starving man.
Figuring out how to get out is another matter all together. If it wasn't for him and Tom kissing on his first ‘loop’ he would've thought the key to get out of this thing would be to confess his feelings but, here he is finishing the show on loop 16 and still no closer to figuring it out.
“Hey, you feeling okay?”
The question took a lot longer to reach him than it would've a couple loops ago but still, he smiles at Sam and nods.
Tiredness. That was yet another side effect for him to collect as he continued to live - not live but to barely survive - this phenomenon. Boredom, desire, a little bit of insanity and tiredness. His bones felt like they were aching, as if the act of being hit by a car sixteen times was finally catching up to him physically and every movement throughout the loops felt heavier and heavier. Bags slowly getting bigger and darker under his eyes, his skin being painted a shade of pale and feverish as the flesh gets shallower until he could see his cheekbones, his collarbones, his ribs jutting out like the base of a 3D mould, but the gradual change was visible only to him because of course, to the other three it'll be instantaneous. One day he'll look happy, healthy, ready and raring to go and then in the blink of an eye he'll look haggard, hazardous to himself; a familiar something crawls under his skin and he thinks that maybe he was already a hazard before he got stuck.
“Am I seeing things or has Luke just… dissolved.”
“Dissolved?”
“Oh c'mon. You can't look at him and tell me he hasn't suddenly lost like half his weight and gained fucking Gucci-ass themed eyebags and not think something’s wrong.”
“Do you think something happened in Spain?”
“Hello?? Multiple calls, meetings, and seeing him every 2 weeks or so?? We would've noticed if something happened in Spain.”
Their voices were muffled in his ears, as if they'd been stuffed to the brim with cotton and then covered by noise cancelling headphones as he felt himself slipping, his chin magnetised to his chest and eyes slowly closing before his head jerks back up and his eyes burst open; the next time it happens his head jerks again at the sudden vision of Tom, Sam and AJ in various states of crouching in front of him.
“Luke… What's going on, man?”
“Yeah, you can talk to us, you know. Whatever's happening, we're right here.”
“Nothing's happening. Just a bit tired is all.”
Sam places a hand on his knee and squeezes.
“This isn't just tiredness, Luke. This is something else. Something you've clearly been trying to hide from us.”
A flush of hot, red, ugly anger flares up inside his veins, his bones, his body. Anger at the audacity Sam didn't know he had. Anger at the way his brain and body were matching to fail him completely. Anger at the fact that he was in this predicament in the first place.
“I'm not hiding anything. It's fine. Just fucking leave it.” he challenged. Voice hissing and steaming and he didn't even care when hurt flashed in Sam's eyes; he'd be punished for it soon enough, if not with the car then with his own version of the car, tailored to his body shape with the dashboard having had emergency lights flashing for years already.
He doesn't give them the chance for a rebuttal, for a way to keep him there and prod around until he broke. He skips the meet and greet, he skips the pub and when he crosses the road, he doesn't bother looking and simply closes his eyes and waits for the car to hit and the loop to reset; alone.
For loops 17 to 20, he sleeps.
He fakes an illness, sends an apology to their fans on Instagram, and sleeps.
He watches the same concern flicker through Sam as he coughs, fakes some spiel about feeling a little ill on the plane and wishing he wasn't ruining plans as Sam waves him off and tells him to get better, and he sleeps.
On loop 21 he mentally prepares himself to go through the day again. His motivation was wrung dry but he felt as if 4 days sleeping through the loops would be as helpful as the clues he's found to help himself escape; safe to say, neither worked and he was as clueless as he was after the first loop.
It all went fast.
Each moment, every interaction.
All of them blurred into one fleeting moment as he sat and waited for when the four of them would cross the road and he reset.
He should've known that he would bump into Tom, but it still somehow surprised him every time, his hands raising in apology.
“Sorry, sorry. Didn't see you there.” he mutters, voice quiet and hoarse; emotionless.
“Surprising, considering how tall you guys tell me I am.”
Luke - as he had taught himself to do - laughed forcibly and patted Tom on the shoulder as he made to slip past.
“You're not gonna kiss me then?”
Stopped.
Halted.
Frozen.
He turns around slow, eyes wide as he looks upon an expectant face.
“What?”
“Don't get me wrong it surprised me the first time but, I'm not gonna say I haven't missed it whilst you've been sleeping the past couple loops away.”
“What?”
Tom steps towards him, his hand cupping Luke's cheek and it's so warm and comforting to feel that Luke can only lean into it, eyes closed with a sigh of content.
“We need to get you out of here.”
The shock of his new findings sends a fizzing pulse through his heart and he drops to the floor. His bone dead exhaustion catching up to him as his heart gives way and he passes into the next loop with Tom holding his, shushing him, promising him that they'd get out together.
The moment Luke wakes up, he bolts out the room. Sam is in the crossfire of Luke and the front door and he bumps into him with an apology being thrown as Luke tugs on a pair of shoes and sprints to the closest bus stop; he rushes back in to grab his phone and send another apology when Sam and Jay look at him in concern.
His leg bounces as his heart hammers and the bus pulls away, his eyes focused on each stop coming up until he can reach to press and hear the ‘ding’ of the button. The bus stops, he thanks the driver and runs towards Toms’ flat.
For the first time since offered, Luke searches and uses the spare key to let himself in. His feet thump and thunder up the stairs until he reaches the taller man's front door where he begins to knock frantically.
“Tom! Tom, open up!”
There was no movement behind the door and Luke knocked harder.
“Tom, open up please!”
When the door finally swung open to reveal messy bed hair and a freshly awoken face, Luke almost cried in relief as Tom took in his state and let him in. Once inside, Luke realised he never changed out of his pyjamas and had been caught running through London in an oversized jumper and mickey mouse trousers.
“Luke? What. What're you doing here?”
“You have no idea how amazed I am right now. I-I thought I was the only one stuck but. But you are too! How many loops? I'm… fuck, I think this is my 21st loop? I've started losing count now but yo-”
“Luke. What are you talking about? Wh- a loop? 21st? Did you hit your head or something? Wait no, you watched Supernatural again, didn't you? I think you might have had a weird dream.”
“No. No wha- you. You said. Yesterday or-or I guess later today but yesterday at the same ti- doesn't matter. You said, you told me, you-you… You don't know?”
Tom looks at him with squinted eyes and the drop in Luke's heart almost brings him to his knees, his legs stumbling back as arms clasp around him and he finds himself falling onto Toms’ sofa, head in his hands.
“You look tired, mate. Have a nap on the sofa, we can have some lunch and you can borrow some clothes if you want.”
Luke can feel tears forming in his eyes, the watery liquid filling up with his exhaustion and disbelief and need to get the fuck out of these goddamn loops. He pushes his head up and then his body and he's leaving dejectedly from Tom's flat as the taller man walks steadily but concerningly after him.
“Luke? Luke, just stay here. What's going on?”
He doesn't turn around as he walks to the front of the apartment building, the door opening by his hand to reveal already bustling streets.
“I'll see you in the next loop.”
###
For the first time ever, Luke doesn't pass into the next loop by hit and run. Nor does he pass by heart attack.
Instead, he passes by walking to the London bridge. By climbing over the railing and looking at the water below him. By taking in a deep breath as he lets go and falls.
The feeling of flight was swift but desperate as he's washed by a sense of calm; he realises he could do things like this without consequence instead of the torment he knew he would leave behind if he did it without the loops.
He wakes up, neck stiff and a baby - no not a baby, but Scarlett - crying in the hallway paired with muffled comforting words from Jay and once again, Luke decides all he can do - all he wants to do - is sleep.
Luke sleeps so much and passes so many loops he doesn't know what number he's on anymore.
He wakes, Sam comes in, he claims sickness and he sleeps.
He wakes, Sam comes in, he sleeps.
He wakes and he sleeps.
It's after another lost numbered loop that he realises that even though he's reliving the same day, he hasn't been taking his medication; and now he's falling, falling, falling through a black hole where nothing that passes in ever comes out.
Luke can feel an indentation of his body molding to the mattress as he succumbs to a darkness only he knows of. He doesn't know how the loops work - never has since the beginning - but all injuries he suffers are healed without scarring and now each loop finds a new step to his routine.
He wakes, Sam comes in, he claims sickness, he sneaks a loose razor blade into his room, he bleeds and then he sleeps.
It's the most gruesome positivity to come out of the loops so far as he slashes and slices without rhyme or reason, as he oozes out onto the bedsheets, as he leaves deliberate traces of his suffering just to be found too late and revel in the care and panic he oh so dearly craved.
Each time he fades, Luke looks upon the open, gaping wounds and wishes they left a permanent indent like the others.