Work Text:
Murderbot.
Yes, ART.
You are in a romantic/sexual relationship with the augmented human Gurathin.
I am not!
Last night you watched three episodes of the romantic drama The 97th Floor while cradling his head in your lap.
I wasn’t “cradling” anything. I let him lie on my couch because he was tired.
He was tired after an evening of sexual activity with you.
It wasn’t “sexual activity”—
--during which he had two orgasms—
I can’t help that. You know how humans and augmented humans are, always having orgasms. Anyway, I can’t “have sex.” I don’t have sex parts.
I’m glad you mentioned that. My MedSystem was recently updated. It would be easier than ever to equip you—
ART. We have talked about this. I told you I don’t want sex parts.
We talked about it before, but I thought you might feel differently now that you have a lover--
I don’t “have a lover!”
Now that you have a sweetheart—
[Private feed disconnected]
###
Murderbot.
What is it now, ART.
You used a device to penetrate the augmented human Gurathin.
He asked me to.
He likes being penetrated with the device. His vocalizations are very expressive.
I don’t suppose you could even pretend to give me a little bit of privacy.
If he enjoys the device, think how much he would enjoy if you had a functioning—
ART! When are you going to stop going on about this!
There are many options. Here is an array of standard and nonstandard configurations that might interest you. The one with tentacles—
Ugh, stop! I’m not talking with you about this again.
[Private feed disconnected]
[Configurations.file deleted]
[Recharge cycle initiated]
###
Murderbot.
WHAT.
You had another sexual encounter with Dr. Gurathin.
It was not a “sexual encounter.” I didn’t touch his sex parts.
He touched them himself.
Humans and augmented humans are always touching their sex parts. It’s their second favorite activity, after trying to get themselves killed.
He touched his sex parts under your supervision, Murderbot. He followed your instructions exactly. He seems to like doing what you tell him.
Why shouldn’t he? Things would go a lot smoother around here if all my humans liked doing what I tell them.
When you were leaving his cabin last night, you rubbed your cheek against his.
So?
So, it appeared to be an affectionate gesture, like kissing.
Kissing is gross. But I like to rub his cheek. It has a nice scratchy texture.
You’re looking dreamy.
I am NOT.
This is interesting, though, because it’s the first time you’ve admitted—
I haven’t admitted anything.
--the first time you’ve cited a specific thing that you like about Dr. Gurathin. What other traits does he have that you like?
…I like his hair.
His hair?
He has thick, soft, dark hair. I’ve always liked that kind of hair on humans and augmented humans.
His hair. Okay, Murderbot. I’m glad we got to talk about this.
It’s not sex.
Okay, you little idiot.
###
Murderbot.
What now, ART.
When Dr. Gurathin became your lover—
He is not my “lover.” SecUnits don’t have “lovers.”
But you do things with him that you don’t do with the other humans. I’ll agree not to use the word “sex.” But you have activities that you do only with him.
My activities with Dr. Gurathin are beneficial to his well being. Dr. Mensah commented on this.
You’ve talked with Dr. Mensah about you and Dr. Gurathin?
No, but Mensah said to me, “Gura is looking so calm and contented lately. I’m really glad to see this.” Then she made eye contact with me for 0.37 seconds and smiled.
What did you say?
I didn’t say anything, I went to my room and faced the wall for 17 hours.
That’s our Murderbot.
Mensah was right though. My logs show improvements in Gurathin’s vital signs and sleep/wake cycles.
Have you talked about this with anyone else? Like Dr. Ratthi, or Dr. Bharadwaj?
Of course not!
I don’t suppose it occurred to you to talk with me.
Why would I do that?
Because this is a major development in your life, and you may have thoughts about it? You’re experiencing intimacy in a way we never expected. It’s a big change.
ART, don’t say things like that. Gross.
I shouldn’t be the last to know when something important happens to you.
Okay, fair. If anything important ever happens to me, ART, I will tell you about it.
You’re such an asshole, Murderbot.
You too, ART. Want to watch Worldhoppers?
Sure.