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One moment he was having a normal day, just another typical evening at work, working on something that seemed so quick and easy…so far from being risky or intense for the team…and the next...he was there, in a hospital he unfortunately knew like the back of his hand, except this time he wasn't the one lying down in that uncomfortable hospital bed.
His best friend, Eddie Diaz, was the protagonist of that horrible story. A story Buck couldn't stop replaying in his head, over and over again. Eddie wasn't supposed to be lying there, looking almost…lifeless; Buck was supposed to be the one lying down in that uncomfortable bed, not Eddie…or at least that's what he kept telling himself.
At that point, Eddie had been unconscious for almost two days, 40 hours and 17 minutes, to be precise, in which Buck hadn't left his side, time in which Buck hadn't slept, time in which Buck had blamed himself more and more for everything that happened that day. Buck was feeling like crap, he had an horrible headache and his lower body was half numb half achy, thanks to the amount of hours he spent sitting on the uncomfortable hospital chairs, and the fact he had minor injuries from the accident too, but he didn't care at all. He wanted to be by Eddie's side, giving him some company and comfort, with his warm hand gently holding Eddie's cold one.
"I'm so sorry" Buck said, softly biting his bottom lip, which had two small sutures near the right corner. It hurt, but he didn't care; he felt deserving of the little pain it caused.
Eddie was covered in cuts, scrapes, and abrasions. His face was really swollen, his nose fractured, with its tip slightly covered in traces of dried blood. His right arm was broken and encased in a bright orange cast that seemed to scream "Buck, look! You did this! ", while his left shoulder had been reduced after a pretty bad dislocation. His back and legs resembled a sad Renaissance painting, painted with red, brown, and yellow bruises, with traces of dried blood and medium spots of missing skin...a result of asphalt burns.
And all that Buck got from the accident was a small deep cut in his lip, sore wrists and knees and minor scratches. Life was fucking unfair.
"It's all my fault" he added, letting a few tears escape from his tired blue eyes. If he hadn't...if he hadn't gotten distracted...if Eddie hadn't saved him...
"Bu-Bu-ck" Eddie murmured with difficulty, feeling a horrible dryness in his throat. Buck almost fell backwards from surprise, his hand pressing a bit harder on Eddie's.
"Eddie" he responded immediately, almost in between a gasp and a whisper. Eddie went completely still, blinking a couple of times, trying to adjust to the bright white light in the room and maybe trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
The room hung silent for a few minutes, Buck giving him some extra time to settle.
"Here, Eds" Buck said after a moment, reaching for the water jar placed on the table next to his bed. He poured a glass and brought it to Eddie's lips. "Drink a little water" he murmured, helping him drink carefully.
Eddie took a few sips, his gaze locked on Buck.
"Qué...Qué me paso?…Por qué estas herido?" he asked in a weak voice. Buck was taken aback by the question. It was obvious Eddie spoke Spanish, though he rarely used it around him or the 118. Still, Buck always listened intently, so it wasn't hard to grasp the context.
"You...you saved me, you took the worst part" Buck confessed, swallowing hard. "It...it was really fast. We were on an emergency call...I got distracted...I was so stupid…and a car..." he trailed off when Eddie's expression turned puzzled.
"No...no te entiendo" Eddie said, a little low and shaky, looking even more confused. Buck's eyes locked onto his, trying to understand the situation.
"Eddie?" he asked softly, his face mirroring Eddie's confusion.
"Esto no está bien" Eddie whispered, shaking his head slowly a few times “ Por qué no te puedo entender?” he asked, his voice laced with worry. "Con quién está mi hijo?" a hint of panic creeping into his tone as he shifted slightly, immediately hissing in pain.
"Chris?" Buck almost whispered, trying his best to guess. He also worked and lived in Peru for a few months, but that was many years ago, and his Spanish was a little bit rusty.
"Sí. Where Chris is?" Eddie asked in broken English, his accent a little thick and unfamiliar.
And that’s when it finally hit Buck. Something was genuinely wrong with Eddie.
"Casa de Hen" Buck responded, his voice a little shaky, trying his best to stay calm to not scare Eddie. "I…I’m gonna…voy por el doctor, okay?" he squeezed Eddie's hand and rushed out of the room, desperation kicking in his chest.
The situation looked dire. Eddie had suffered some severe injuries. His body had been dragged over 20 feet at a high speed, and his head had slammed against the asphalt more than once. It was almost a miracle he was in his current state. As the medical team rushed to run further tests, the doctor's expression remained grim.
The diagnosis, when it came, was really concerning: Eddie had suffered a severe concussion, which unfortunately developed into temporal aphasia ~ a language disorder that impaired his ability to speak or understand English, one of the two languages he was fluent in.
Buck's mind was racing. The doctor said it was most likely temporal and that time and therapy would help but…What if Eddie never recovered? What if he had to relearn English from the beginning? How would he do his job at the 118? Would he even be able to go back to work? The questions swirled in his head, making him feel like he was drowning in the ocean.
“And you are doing that again. Brother. Stop the overthinking” a voice interrupted him. It was his older sister, Maddie, with a soft smile on her lips. She pressed his left shoulder with her right hand and held a slightly greasy paper bag in her left.
Buck had been sitting outside Eddie's room for at least three hours, at first because the nurses needed to check on him, run some tests and clean his wounds, but then because he just wasn't ready to face him. It was almost like staying out here made the diagnosis a little less real.
"Maddie" he whispered, low and downhearted, almost like he'd lost all his energy.
"I got you some real breakfast, coffee's coming soon" she said, handing him the paper bag. "How's Eddie?" she asked, sitting in the chair next to him.
"He's sleeping, at least that's what I was told a few minutes ago" he replied, peeking into the bag distractedly.
"You offered to watch over him, and you're not even in there?" she asked, her tone still soft but with a hint of concern.
"I...I just can't, Maddie" Buck said, his voice cracking as he looked away, fighting back tears, while trying to contain the emotions swirling inside him. "He's there because of me…I...I got distracted. I didn’t even see that stupid drunk driver coming, but Eddie did...he pushed me out of the way. He took the hit instead of me, Mads. He got dragged over 20 feet...and I just...I got a few bruises and a stupid busted lip" he laughed bitterly, touching his swollen lip. "Why wasn't it me? Why did he do that?" he whispered, his eyes welling up with tears he refused to let fall.
Maddie's expression softened even more, and she reached out to gently turn Buck's face towards her.
"Buck, this is /not/ your fault" she said, her voice firm but calm and gentle. "Eddie's a firefighter too. He knew the risks, and he saved you because he cares about you as much as you care about him. You know you would've done the same thing for him in a heartbeat”.
Buck's eyes dropped, and the tears he had been holding back finally began to stream down his face. Maddie quickly brushed them away with her thumbs, gently and warmly, just like when he was a little boy.
“He…he can’t even understand me” he said, voice laced with pain and guilt.
“Buck, you guys don’t need words to understand each other. You and Eddie have a special connection, one that speaks louder than words” Maddie continued, "He's gonna need you now more than ever. Him and Christopher, you guys are a team, not just at the 118...you're a family." she reminded him with a soft smile.
Buck took a deep breath, letting Maddie's words sink in. She was right...like always.
They were both stupid enough to die for each other without any hesitation. That’s how it worked; it always had. They always had each other’s back no matter what.
“Everything it’s going to be okay” she reassured him, pulling him into a nice warm hug.
As they hugged, he couldn’t help but to peek into the bag again, the smell of a fresh-baked croissant with bacon, cheese, and eggs wafting up, making his stomach rumble. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten an actual meal; he’d been surviving on bad hospital coffee, stale protein bars and candy from the vending machine near Eddie’s room.
"Thanks, Mads" he said softly, giving her a small smile as they broke apart.
"Eat. Then go be with Eddie. He's gonna need you, the rest of the team will be here in less than an hour...and he may feel a little overwhelmed with Chim's first day of Duolingo" she semi-joked, with a little playful smile.
Buck nodded, his smile growing a little as he patiently unwrapped the breakfast sandwich. As he took a bite, he felt a tiny bit of resolve building. He'd needed to be there for Eddie, no matter what.
…
Eddie was discharged from the hospital five days later. Things were a little weird, yeah, but Buck and the rest of the 118 were making an effort to change that. They'd been practicing their Spanish daily on that green owl app (Bobby’s words), even turning it into a friendly competition to see who could rack up the highest score. Chim was reigning champion, so far, but Buck was hot on his heels, determined to take the top spot and make Eddie proud.
He loves to make Eddie proud.
"Bienvenido" Buck said, opening Eddie's front door with his own key.
Eddie stepped inside, a little slower than usual because of his sore body, looking a bit tired but happy to be home.
"Es bueno poder estar en casa" Eddie said, a little warm smile on his face as he slowly hopped into the kitchen, awkwardly holding his casted arm against his chest. "Necesito una buena cerveza bien fría…uh…Beer" he added, making a drinking gesture with his good hand and mouth.
“Of course you remember that” Buck murmured and chuckled, following him and stopping him before he got to the fridge. "No, no beer, malo, muy malo," he replied with a little smile. "Doctor dijo no, remember? Maybe some agua or orange...jugo?"
Eddie groaned, but nodded. "Jugo de naranja suena bien. Gracias, Buck."
"I'll get it, go rest in the couch, siéntate" Buck said, gently grabbing his shoulders and redirecting him to the living room.
Eddie shook his head with a small laugh, sinking extra carefully into the couch cushions. The pain killers were working, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t in pain at all…he also didn’t want to worry Buck. Buck didn’t need to know that his clothes felt like the rough side of velcro on his damaged skin or that his face and bones ached like he was a piñata at a little boy’s birthday party.
Not too long after, Buck came back with the orange juice and carefully handed it to him. As Eddie took a sip, Buck settled in beside him, throwing an arm over the back of the couch, near Eddie’s shoulders. His leg carefully brushed against Eddie's, something they'd done countless times before, extra space be damned, comfort was their priority, always.
"Bueno?" he asked, looking at him with a little smile.
"Está muy rico, I love it" Eddie replied, with a tiny accent that Buck found kinda adorable.
Buck couldn’t be happier with his response. That meant that the medication and therapy were working.
“Novela?” Buck happily suggested, pointing at the TV with his thumb.
Eddie immediately laughed, Buck was definitely something else, but hey, his abuela and Tia Pepa were obsessed with this novela called “Teresa”, it could be the perfect chance to see what was all the hype about.
Also, Chris was going to spend another day at the Wilson’s…so they had complete freedom to watch anything they wanted without a teasing teenager.
So Eddie said yes.
And Oh My God, the drama.
They ended up really invested and watched Teresa for five hours straight, making fun of some of the drama (mostly Eddie, who understood everything, causing Buck to laugh too).
"Gracias por salvar mi vida" Buck said suddenly, catching Eddie's attention. He had been practicing for hours, trying his best to say it as smooth and natural as possible.
Eddie smiled softly, moving his gaze from the TV to Buck. Buck was thanking him for saving his life...something he did without hesitation.
"Eres mi mejor amigo, mi familia…mi vida, sabes que siempre tendré tu espalda" Eddie reminded him with a soft warm smile.
"And I'll have yours" Buck replied softly, understanding almost everything he said, mirroring his smile.
They settled into a comfortable silence, their eyes meeting as they laughed at the TV. Both were hurt, Eddie way more than Buck, but they were there, alive to tell the tale, sitting across from each other, enjoying the moment.
…
A lot happened in the next 7 days after Eddie's hospital discharge.
Chris eventually came back home and had a super sweet reunion with his dad...only to disappear four days later for an almost three week summer camp he'd been talking about for months. Eddie couldn’t say no, the teenager had been looking forward to it for ages, and they knew how much Chris needed some normalcy after everything that had happened. They had lots of video calls every day though, so Eddie and Buck weren’t missing out on the good Chris-time.
Tía Pepa was a lifesaver, keeping Eddie safe and sound during the day while Buck was at work. She made sure Eddie was away from the beer and had lots of caldo de res and pollo…and yes she took a little advantage of the situation to speak with her sweet Eddito in Spanish, since he'd been kinda embarrassed about it growing up and had always preferred to speak in English.
The 118 visited them regularly, bringing food, gifts and slightly awkward conversations in Spanish that made Eddie smile and laugh a lot. Eddie really appreciated the big effort his team was making, it made him feel more normal and comfortable with the situation.
Eddie also had a follow-up doctor's appointment, and the news were more than good, he was healing up nicely, and his condition was quickly improving with the doctor’s treatment and therapy.
Meanwhile, Buck was being super supportive as always, practicing his Spanish with Pepa, Eddie and at the station during his free time and also helping Eddie with therapy at home, studying with him for at least two hours a day. It was a team effort, and Eddie was getting better every day.
"Ay no, esto es muy vergonzoso…this isn't funny" Eddie said, sounding more and more like his old self the more he talked.
As usual after Buck's shift, they'd sit in the kitchen, and Buck would patiently help Eddie practice his English, working on pronunciation, nailing tricky words, and slowly building up his confidence.
"What is this, Eds?" Buck asked again, holding up a white card with a big colorful picture in the middle.
It was one of those educational flash cards Buck’s sister, Maddie, had probably used with her daughter, Jee-Yun, at some point in the past, the kind of cards that kindergarteners or babies use to learn how to identify objects, shapes and colors. Eddie was kinda embarrassed about it, to be honest….it was kinda lame if you asked him.
"Uh... applepine" Eddie responded with a little insecurity on his voice.
"Nope, pineapple, piña" Buck said with a soft head shake.
"Applepine?…Fuck...Me siento un estúpido" Eddie mumbled, covering his face and looking defeated.
"Hey" Buck said, standing up and giving Eddie a big hug. "You're doing great, you got seven out of eight questions right. That's way better than yesterday and than the day before. You are getting better every day, Eddie!" he reminded him, pulling apart to look at Eddie with a big proud smile.
"I'm not... I'm not getting better... applepine? What the hell is that?" Eddie complained, his words slightly muffled by his hands.
Buck's face lit up with a bigger smile as he grasped Eddie's hands, gently pulling them away from his face. "Did...did you notice that Eddie?" he asked softly.
Eddie's gaze narrowed, confusion still clouding his expression.
“You understood me…and then you replied to me with no issues, You nailed it, Eddie!.” he celebrated “Also, Applepine? That's called progress, Eds. That's your brain making connections." Buck explained, his eyes shining with excitement.
Eddie's face went still, processing Buck’s words, and then a spark of understanding lit up his eyes, mirroring his best friend’s expression.
"That’s a Pineapple" he corrected, his voice a little stronger and confident now.
"Yeah, that sounds right to me” Buck nodded enthusiastically.
“Am I…I’m coming back?” he asked, still a little unconvinced.
“I think so!” Buck said happily, grabbing another card from the small deck on the table “What’s this?” he asked, looking at him with expectation, a big smile on his face and his heart beating a little faster than usual.
“Brussels sprouts?” Eddie replied, much faster than the last time.
“What color is this?” he asked, grabbing a random tea pot, still nodding excitedly at Eddie’s previous response.
“Burgundy” he immediately replied.
“YES!” Buck's arms went up in excitement, holding the tea pot like a trophy, a huge grin spreading across his face. "Welcome back, Eddie!" he put the tea pod aside and pulled Eddie into a gentle hug, being extra careful with his broken arm. "We need to celebrate!" he added, eyes sparkling.
"Italian food and Teresa?" Eddie suggested, a little chuckle escaping his mouth.
"Sounds perfect" Buck agreed, reluctantly releasing Eddie from the hug to grab his phone from the front pocket of his jeans.
“Let me try” eddie interrupted, reaching out for the phone with his good hand, a little nervous smile on his face.
An hour later, they were sprawled out on Eddie's ridiculously comfy couch, stomachs full of Italian food and Pepa’s dessert leftovers, delicious arroz con leche. Their thighs touched, a comfortable habit they'd fallen into over the years, Buck's leg nestled against Eddie's, a familiar warmth.
Teresa's drama was in full swing, but Buck wasn't really paying attention to any of it, he was way too busy stealing glances at Eddie, who was grinning at some quip on screen. Tía Pepa's flowers, bright pink carnations and fluffy baby's breath, added a splash of color to the room. For a moment, everything felt perfectly, wonderfully normal. After a long internal fight, Buck's eyes finally drifted back to the TV...and that's when it happened.
"Te amo" Eddie suddenly confessed, his voice a little lower and raspier than usual.
Buck's eyes immediately widened, and he almost choked on his own saliva. For a second, he thought he misheard, that maybe the words came from the novela, but Eddie's gaze locked onto his, full of expectation.
Te amo...if he was correct, that was the equivalent of I love you, the romantic kind...because te quiero was more like...you know, affectionate….something you could probably use with a friend and…
"Buck..." Eddie said again, noticing how he was overthinking, his voice a just a little softer. He placed his good hand on Buck's knee. "Te amo…I love you" he repeated, his eyes searching for understanding.
“Like a…like a…” Buck’s brain stuttered and suddenly all the little Spanish that he learned walked away of the room, accompanied by his perfect English.
Buck's heart was racing, like it always did when he let himself think about it. Of course he loved Eddie. He'd been in love with him even before he knew he was bisexual... but Eddie... Eddie Diaz was straight. Eddie had always dated women…only liked women. Buck had always written it off as friendship, for Eddie’s, Chris’ and his own good, not wanting to ruin the amazing family like relationship they had... but the feelings always lingered, stubborn and hopeful in a corner of his heart.
Buck forced himself back to the moment, focusing on Eddie's almost-healed face, the little remaining scars on his nose and forehead…the way his eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled…the way his lips... nope, that wasn't helping at all. He had to mentally scramble for a quick distraction to not die in the spot.
"Silver star" Buck blurted out randomly and loud.
Eddie looked at him with his head tilted, more confused than anything, but with a small funny smile on his face.
"Huh? Silver Star?" he asked, a little laugh stuck in his throat.
"Nothing. I just... I..." Buck laughed awkwardly, covering his face in embarrassment.
You could almost hear the air thicken. Eddie's beautiful smile faltered for a moment, then he leaned in slightly, his eyes searching for answers.
"You... uh...Don't feel the same?" he said almost in a whisper, more like a statement than a question, his voice cracking a little but his expression remaining mostly calm.
"NO!" Buck immediately shouted, then quickly covered his mouth, like he was trying to push the words back in. "I mean YES!" he was beyond embarrassed, his face turning the color of his birthmark. "I... crap... Eddie, I love you too" he finally confessed, his words tumbling out like a desperate prayer.
“But…” Eddie said, soft and slowly, like he was bracing for some kind of impact.
“You…you only like women” he responded, more to himself than to Eddie.
"Clearly I don't," his eyes locked onto Buck's. "Evan..." and Buck almost flatlined.
The name "Evan" had always been tied to disappointment and anger, a legacy of his parents' disapproval and his ex’s ,Tommy, indifference. He'd almost hated it when Tommy called him that, like it was just a name, a reminder of what he lacked. But when Eddie said it, it was like the world narrowed down to just the two of them. He felt like he actually mattered…like he wasn’t expendable.
"...I've never felt like this before" Eddie continued, his voice low and sincere. "It becomes harder and harder every day... to not have all of you for me, to not kiss you good morning or good night... el no poder tocarte como deseo." Eddie's gaze intensified. "Estás en mi cabeza, Buck, all the fucking time. If there was a fire in this room right now, I wouldn't even notice." he paused, his voice dropping to just above a whisper. "You're the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about at night. Me gustaría poder ser lo mismo para ti."
“You…you already are…eres lo mejor que me ha pasado en la vida” Buck confessed, using almost perfect Spanish, swallowing hard.
“So…” his eyes sparkled in a mix of relive and want “Can I kiss you or do we have to…?” and the question ended up dying in his throat.
Buck immediately cut the distance between them, cupping his face with both of his hands, softly and gently, almost like he was scared of breaking Eddie under his touch. Their lips met in a whisper of a touch, softly and a little questioning at first.
“I love you” Buck whispered over his lips, his lips grazing Eddie’s with each syllable.
And suddenly Eddie's good hand gripped the back of Buck's neck, his fingers weaving into the short hair there as he deepened the kiss, making it hungry and desperate, like he'd been waiting ages to taste him (he kinda did), to feel him, to lose himself in the moment. A low sound escaped Eddie's throat, a combination of a moan and growl of want and need that sent a shiver down Buck's spine. Then in a blink of an eye, Eddie shifted, carefully lifting his broken arm as he swung a leg over to straddle Buck's lap. Buck's brain short-circuited for a split second, his thoughts exploding like fireworks on the Fourth of July, before he matched Eddie's sudden intensity. Lips parted, tongues tangled in a clash and teeth crashed in a rush of raw want. Eddie's good hand slid up to cup Buck's jaw, his thumb tracing the line of Buck's cheekbone as Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him closer.
Eddie couldn’t get enough of Buck, if he could fuse himself with Buck's body, he would do it in a heartbeat. Wrapped in Buck's arms, the ache in his broken arm just... faded. He felt Buck's warmth seep into him, the fast beat of his heart tickling the tips of his fingers where they poked out of his bright orange cast. The world narrowed down to this: Buck's lips, Buck's hands, Buck. Everything else just... didn’t seem to matter. Eddie's good hand tangled in Buck's hair, pulling him closer, almost like he was trying to crawl inside him.
“Eddie I-“ Buck tried to say, pulling away slightly to breathe, but Eddie captured his lips into a passionate kiss again.
Buck couldn't complain, he was definitely in heaven, having the best time of his life, but the situation was getting more and more heated, which, in any other case, would've been more than amazing. But in this case Eddie was still hurt. His broken arm was pinned between them, and Buck could feel Eddie wincing in discomfort whenever he shifted. Reluctantly, he pulled back, his chest heaving.
"Eddie, I think we should stop" he whispered, his voice a little rough. "You're gonna hurt yourself" he added worriedly, pressing Eddie’s waist slightly.
Eddie looked a little hurt, emotionally, but deep inside he knew Buck was right. He let out a small sigh, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he slowly nodded.
"Yeah, okay. Uh…I guess you're right." he agreed, his voice a little shaky “I…uh…” he bit his lip for a second, unsure of what to say or do next, a little embarrassed of his position.
“Eddie” Buck called him softly, his voice low and husky “We are so doing this, once that cast is out and you get completely cleared out by the doctor, I’m all yours” he promised, a little warm smile on his face.
“Está bien, supongo que me tendré que comportar por ahora” Eddie replied, his tone resigned but playful “But, that doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you” he added, a little sassy smirk on his face, his fingers softly tracing Buck’s lip scar.
"Besame," Buck sang softly, his voice dipping into a sultry tone. "Besame mucho" he continued, his grin mischievous.
"Ay cariño, You are something else" Eddie whispered with a funny smile, cupping Buck's face again, his thumbs brushing softly against Buck's blushed skin as he leaned in for another kiss, this time softer and slower, but full of feeling. Full of love.