Chapter Text
There was always something dangerous that came with taking in stray animals. Atsushi knew the risks that came with the efforts she made to take any injured cat or abandoned dog off of the street incredibly well- but it was a slowly developing passion for her. It was nearly a habit, at this point in her life.
When a black cat had run across her path while she was walking home at night, with a limp in his back leg? Atsushi would change her course to follow behind, completely forgoing her original plan to get some rest during the few hours she had before her next shift. When she finally caught him- an old boy with tomcat cheeks, scars under his neck, a broken leg- Atsushi brought him to the free vet. Took him home with her, after he was fixed up and dewormed- named him Old Boy.
Old Boy was feral, wouldn’t cuddle or get close, but Atsushi didn’t mind. He spent most of his days napping in the windowsill, or begging for food by hissing and scratching at Atsushi’s ankles when she walked by. When the big cat finally adjusted to indoor life, Atsushi counted it as a success to be able to sit next to Old Boy on the couch, as long as she kept a reasonable distance.
She never sought them out, it was almost like she was a beacon to attract small, desperate creatures. As if the calico kitten she’d found behind a fence post had known to cry out the moment Atsushi was within earshot- even though her eyes were glued shut with infection. She was still too young to even hear properly, deaf and blind and desperate to be seen. Little Miss could smell a bleeding heart, Atsushi was certain with the way she immediately curled herself up inside of her shirt and fell asleep for the entire walk to the animal hospital.
Atsushi had brought her home, too. Bottle-fed her kitten formula, treated her eyes with antibiotics until she was finally able to tell that they were blue. How could she not keep her? She deserved a home, despite being a tiny runt, sickly and at risk of fading away. Even if it was terrifying for Atsushi to sleep curled up around a little shoebox, convinced she could die at any moment in her recovery.
Little Miss was too small, so young- even the vet had said her chances were slim. So when she started growing up, and Atsushi woke up one morning to find her playing outside of her box, tangling herself in her hair? She cried tears of joy as she clutched the tiny kitten to her chest. She paid no mind to her crying, biting at her fingers, practicing her predator instinct and honing natural little hunting skills.
She amassed a collection after that. A total of 6 cats, all with different personalities. Old Boy was semi-feral and isolated. Little Miss was the only one he had since she was a kitten, the most sociable of them all. Sweetie was anything but her namesake- a stunted little mama cat with an angry face and a habit of biting. Babycat was a neurotic monster, who would always wake Atsushi up in the middle of the night with zoomies- the son of Sweetie. Sugar was deaf, and she loved screaming all the time, even when Atsushi was actively petting her. Finally, there was Lil Bit, who was old, and cranky, and missing all of her teeth.
Atsushi loved cats. It was clear to see that.
Dogs were different, though. Dogs were more of a risk. It was terrifying, when she spotted a pitbull on the train tracks for the first time. She was emaciated, skin and bones and missing white fur, giving way to raw pink skin- but still big, and more than capable of harm. It was clear by the way that she was ripping apart some poor wild creature, that she was deadset on her own survival. Had adapted herself to living in the woods. When Atsushi had approached, slow and low, whistling only once to warn her that she was nearby? She had growled at her, deep in her chest, frightened and snarling.
She decided to take a different route to work, that day. Turned around immediately, to circle back and find her later. It was right to assume that it would be easy to spot her again- because when she came back later that day? She was laid under a nearby tree, chewing at her paws, covered in the blood of another animal. Atsushi dropped off food and water, from a safe distance. It took days, almost a full week of doing nothing but whistling at her from a distance, tossing treats occasionally to lure her a little closer each day.
Pretty Girl. That was her name, with her pink nose and thin white fur. C’mere, pretty girl. It’s okay.
When Atsushi finally caught her- it had been too soon. Pretty Girl had bitten her. Atsushi didn’t care; she’d forgiven her instantly, understanding why she had lashed out. She still sat with her, as she bled down her sleeves, and she gnawed on the pack of bones she’d dropped in the process next to her. She had to accept that she couldn’t get Pretty Girl to go anywhere on her own, calling animal control. A decision that she learned to regret immediately.
Dogs that bit, got put down. It was a law, a cruel one- because she didn’t mean to do it. Atsushi had pushed her, and even when she had begged the guy to just bring her to the vet and let her keep Pretty Girl, let her help her- they just told her no. Pointed her to a hospital to get a rabies shot immediately. Tested Pretty Girl for the disease, to make sure she wasn’t a carrier.
It came back negative. They had killed her for nothing. Atsushi could have told them that, but no one ever listened to her. Pretty Girl would live forever in her heart, her memory. She remembered her every time she looked down at the deep scar in her wrist, the imprint of her snaggled teeth still clear as day. Pretty Girl stayed on Atsushi’s mind.
If Atsushi had been like her, she would’ve done the same. Sometimes, Atsushi wished she were more like Pretty Girl had been. Born with sharp teeth, an instinct to maim when she felt threatened, instead of fawning. The ability to protect herself, instead of just rolling over and baring her throat to appease the sick wiles and desires of evil people.
Pretty Girl had the right idea in life, in the end. Atsushi’s meddling had gotten her killed, even if she only had the best of intentions. She was right, not to trust her feeble treats and gentle calling. It ate Atsushi up inside, to know she had failed to protect something so pure, so untainted by humanity. She had figured out survival on her own, and Atsushi had been too stupid to realize.
Things got weird for Atsushi, after that experience. She had never felt particularly close to people- she had acquaintances and work, but no real friends. She kept to herself, usually- but after Pretty Girl? After realizing that the world was not only cruel to Atsushi, but also the gentle animals who only fought to survive? Atsushi had become completely withdrawn from any social life. She didn’t speak unless spoken to, and kept interactions brief at her day jobs. It was easy to tell that she was unsettling others, but she couldn’t care any less.
Her night job requires a lot more from her, though. Talking, flirting, touching. She couldn’t just be a statue, with the strange men who believed themselves to be closer to her than they really were. Atsushi had no choice but to smile, giggle at their crude jokes, let them kiss at her hands with mouths that smelled like filth and tar. For those moments- she fantasized, as an escape. Dreamed of a different life, as she stared at hotel ceilings, crushed by the weight of her own performance of humanity.
To live in the woods, away from cruel hands, from wandering eyes. No rent to pay- running water from a babbling brook, instead of a tap she had to pay for. Sharp teeth, big claws. Ripping viscera from throats, sinew from bone. Surviving off of the blood of her fellow man, the ones who dared to draw too close, who assumed anything about her. Assumed that she was a safe bet to bring home, something to keep, something to own.
It was a fantasy. Atsushi couldn’t kill to save her own skin, and the world didn’t work that way. The unfortunate reality of her life was that capitalism would be the death of her, someday. Humanity. The system built by men who had died centuries before her birth, would be what led her to her demise. The only thing she could do was grit her teeth, and take what was handed to her.
She could help others, though. Big and small, every tortured life mattered to her. She lived her life taking in every stray animal that found their way to her. Even if her lease didn’t allow it, she still kept 6 cats, each of them holding a piece of her heart that would shatter into pieces if she ever lost one. Atsushi lived just for them. To make sure that they’d never hurt again.
The walk home from the red light district of her city wasn’t terribly long, but it was scary. Wearing high heels meant that she made too much noise clicking down the sidewalk, so she had to move quickly. She hugged her jacket tight to her body, her wired headphones in but playing no music as she tracked her own footsteps, and the sound of distant cars off on the main road. It was a long enough walk for her to smoke four entire cigarettes- and she was only on her second. It was dark, around 3 AM, and the sun wouldn’t be up for several more hours. All of the bars had closed an hour prior- so anyone who could be out, probably weren’t harmless drunks after a party. She clutched her peppergel spray tightly, as she walked with purpose.
When she heard a loud bang, from behind a tucked off alcove between two buildings- she dropped down to the ground, suddenly. She shrunk down behind a postbox, too frightened to just run past and attract any attention from whoever made that sound. There had been too much force behind it, for it to be an animal- unless a fucking raccoon had plummeted itself onto a metal trashcan, or something along those lines.
Atsushi waited for anyone to come out, or to hear any signs of life behind the blind corner. It was silent, for a moment- until she heard a faint noise. A mewl, or a whine, something too high and light to be a man. But too human to be an animal. It was followed by a sickening retch, guttural and violent.
That was all Atsushi needed to hear. Someone was sick, or hurt- and when she peeked around the corner, it was easy to spot the frame of a person, laying face-down on the ground. Small, frail, their body contorting itself violently as they tried to move off of the ground.
“H-Hello?” Atsushi whispered, to warn them of her presence. They were probably drunk, if Atsushi had to guess- but they sounded hurt too, when they yelped and turned toward Atsushi.
When they sat upright on their knees, their left arm dangled limply at the side of their body. Dislocated from its socket. Atsushi couldn’t make out their face- the only lighting came from a lamp post behind them, but she could tell that they had red hair, and a white shirt, smeared with blood. They shrunk back when Atsushi gasped in shock, staring them down with wide eyes as she tried to make out exactly what she was looking at.
“G-Go away!” Their voice sounded raw and hoarse, barely loud enough to even count as a yell. Fearful, flinching when Atsushi stepped closer.
“Hey. Y-You, uh…”
This was a boy. Young, probably younger than Atsushi herself, based on his stature. Bleeding, injured, laid half-bare on the pavement. When Atsushi leaned down, she could see his button-up shirt was too big on his body, his sleeve ripped as if someone had grabbed him, and pulled. Hard enough to not only tear fabric, but also dislocate his arm from its fucking socket.
Just like Old Boy, Atsushi thought, blearily. Atsushi shrunk down to his level, from a safe distance. From here- it was clear to see the whites in the boy’s eyes, the glint of bared teeth. A pained grimace on his face, fearful and hurt.
“…you deaf? K-Keep, fucking moving!” He hissed with malice, his jaw chattering as he shivered violently. Trauma response, a sensitivity to the cold. Atsushi knew that feeling. The involuntary shakes, from the rush of adrenaline. It was a painful trembling, that left her aching horribly the next day. His words didn’t matter- Atsushi had been bitten, before. Mean words were nothing.
“You’re cold.” Atsushi pointed it out with a quiet voice. It wasn’t a problem for her, to slip her overcoat off of her own body. Offer it over, an outstretched arm. The boy just stared at her, breathing hard, his lip trembling as he tried to speak.
“No, I’m not, I-“ He stammered, his voice cutting deep into his own throat. “I’m not, cold.”
“Take it.” Atsushi didn’t back down.
“…I-I won’t,” He denied her once again. Atsushi had a strong arm, though, and didn’t drop it. She tilted her head, shaking the jacket again, until he explained further. “I’m, I’ll get it d-dirty, no, I can’t take it. Leave,”
“It’s okay.” Atsushi reassured him- but it didn’t matter. He simply turned his head away, leaning back down with a harsh gag. Once again, he was sick, dry-heaving against the concrete. Atsushi took the opportunity to act as fast as she could. She moved closer to toss the jacket over his shoulders, and even when he tried to shove her hands away, she persisted.
“Le- euggh, god, stop,” He sobbed, harshly, and Atsushi felt like a fucking monster.
“I’m sorry, I’m not g-gonna, hurt you, please stop,” Atsushi shushed him as gently as she could, her softest voice. “You, need to go to a hospital. You’re gonna get hypothermia, a-and-“
“NO!” The boy shouted, as he clutched the jacket around his shoulders, shoving Atsushi’s hands away. “No!”
Okay. Okay, at least he took the jacket. Still though- he needed help, there was no way of telling what had happened to him. Atsushi couldn’t leave him there. She let go of him, quickly, leaning away to avoid the weak attempt as a slap in her direction.
She kneeled on the ground next to him, as he heaved on an empty stomach. Took account of his injuries. His arm was the most noticeable, but up close? He was all burnt up, red blotching spots on his cheek, down his shoulder. The blood was on his clothes- not from him, no visible wounds or cuts on his body. Just burns. Superficial ones, but how did someone get a wound like that on their face? It made Atsushi feel sick with sympathy.
She didn’t leave him. She could wait him out, sitting right there, with concrete digging into her knees. Whispered reassurances as he cried, when he yelled, and she didn’t touch him again. Not until he tried to stand up, trying to leave- and she caught him from falling flat on his face. He looked defeated, sobbing into her sequin mini-dress, pushing his wet nose into her stomach as he gave up.
“No hospital. Please.”
It wasn’t optimal, but Atsushi complied with his request, after trying to argue with him yielded no results. Regardless of his condition, the guy still deserved some autonomy, and he was adamant about avoiding the emergency room. He didn’t fight it, though, when Atsushi offered to bring him home, after finding out he had nowhere else to go. A couch was better than an alley, at least for one night. She could try to get him help eventually, but for now? The priority was warming him up. Getting him somewhere safer, than where they were.
She nearly carried him, all the way to her apartment. He could barely hold himself upright, and she had to be careful with his dislocated arm. Atsushi stumbled like a newborn deer in her heels, trying to hold up someone so much shorter than her- but they made it back to her home, eventually. Before the sun had a chance to peek through the city skyline, at least. He stayed silent, the whole way, except for the occasional pained noise. Even when Atsushi had asked him for his name, or for any details on why he was so hurt.
It wasn’t hard for Atsushi to set him up on a chair in the kitchen- but looking over his injuries was another story entirely. He flinched away when she had set down her first aid kit from her medicine cabinet onto the kitchen table. Pushed his seat back with his feet, as if he was ready to run.
“What is that?”
It was the first thing that the boy had said in nearly an hour. Atsushi tried to be understanding- but it peeved her a little. Suddenly he could talk, when he was the one who had a question.
“It’s just bandages, and cleaning stuff.” Atsushi explained, cracking open the case. “I- that burn, on your cheek. I just wanna get that clean.”
He was staring, all bug-eyed and teary, sweaty and dirty from the streets. When Atsushi waited for a response, for some sort of argument- he only darted his eyes around nervously, looking around the apartment. When he spotted Little Miss, sitting on top of the counter, watching them both? He seemed to pause. His eyes moved back to Atsushi, before he finally nodded.
“…what’s your name?”
“I’m Atsushi, uh. You?”
“…Daiki.”
The hardest part was figuring out his shoulder. Atsushi wasn’t a doctor, and it seemed to be the biggest problem at hand. Every time Daiki moved, it nearly made him cry from the pain- but it seemed as though it had been like that for more than just a few hours. As Atsushi looked up guides on her phone, anxiously scrolling through different forums telling her clearly, ‘do not reset your shoulder, see a medical professional immediately,’ she decided to ask, just one final time.
“Are you sure we can’t go to a hospital, Daiki?” Atsushi was panicking, at this point- trying her best to hide it. The answer was a terrified shake of his head, in the negative. “Can you tell me why, though?”
“I-I… no. I can’t.”
Pain medication was the answer. The strong shit that Atsushi still had left from dental work she had to get done a few months prior. They had been fucking expensive, and she had briefly considered selling the last of the prescription for a little extra cash the month prior. Now, though, she was just grateful she had hung onto them a little longer. When she offered him a granola bar and water, just something to pave the way for the pill- he’d turned his nose up, quickly.
“No.”
Atsushi’s mouth gaped open, in absolute shock. “What do you mean no?”
“I can’t eat that.” Daiki stated it like it was a fact. As if desperate times didn’t cause desperate measures, as if he didn’t need to eat.
“…are you allergic?” Atsushi asked, a little stunned. Daiki didn’t even know what was in the granola bar yet, the packaging barely opened. The fact that he hesitated, before he nodded- it was a lie. It was absolutely a lie.
What a strange person.
“Daiki, I don’t have anything else right now. You can’t take pain pills on an empty stomach, and we need to fix your arm.”
“I’ll be okay.” Daiki’s voice was shaken, his tone all soft and nervous- Atsushi didn’t buy it. He wasn’t going to be okay. This was all going to go horribly wrong.
Atsushi shoved aside her annoyance, yet again, settling on cutting the pill in half to account for Daiki’s small size and empty stomach. When he took it, he barely sipped on the glass of water she had given to him. Atsushi figured the pain was what was making him sick- hopefully, once everything was fixed, he’d be better.
The only issue was actually fixing it. Atsushi knew how to handle injuries like this on a cat, but this was a human person. It was fucking different.
Every guide said to avoid relocating a shoulder alone. Atsushi didn’t want to risk it, but what other choice did she have? She didn’t have a car to bring him- forcing him to walk all the way, or taking the bus was not an option. He would freak out, it was already a risk that he would run out at any moment. Atsushi had to try.
It was eerie, the sudden shift in Daiki’s personality, though. All advice said to lay on the floor, relax, reach back and pop it back into place. Atsushi explained the process to him carefully. The fact that it was unsafe, that they should really go to the hospital- but Daiki only nodded along, despondent. They both gave the medicine a little time to work, but Daiki couldn’t wait forever. When Atsushi had relayed the instructions to him, he only looked confused. Tilted his head, his lip quivering, when Atsushi repeated himself-
“Just lay on the floor, to start. Okay?”
“Is this gonna hurt?” Daiki’s voice was wavering, and Atsushi sighed.
“Yes. Really bad.” She rubbed at her own face in exasperation. Daiki didn’t fight it. He laid down, right on the kitchen floor, wincing in pain as he moved himself. She sat on the floor with him, taking a deep breath. “..I’m sorry, I’ll be quick.”
It was agonizing to do. Atsushi had to grab his arm herself, guide it over his head. Daiki nearly squealed in pain, but Atsushi moved as fast as she could, desperate to get it over with.
“W-Wait, waitwaitwaitstop-“
When the joint clicked into place, with a sickeningly loud pop- Daiki shouted, kicked his legs out. Until he went completely limp, turned his body away, pressing his face into the tile floor as he sobbed.
Atsushi could feel her own tears, welling in her eyes. To watch someone suffer- to have to hurt someone worse, so they could feel better? It fucking hurt. She reached out, gently, to set her hand on his back, in an attempt to soothe.
“I’m sorry.” She shuddered with revulsion, stroking his uninjured shoulder. “I-It’s gonna be okay, I’m so sorry.”
Building a sling out of a cut-up old fabric was difficult, but Atsushi managed well enough, after getting Daiki upright again. He couldn’t stand, so Atsushi just sat on the floor beside him. Wiped the wounds on his face with antiseptic and burn cream, changed out his torn up button-up for one of her own silk button up sleep shirts. It was all half-assed, and she felt awful for not being able to do more. He needed so much more. A shower, a hot meal, an actual doctor.
All Atsushi had was her own bed that she could give up for a while, and pain medicine to help him sleep. She nearly carried him there, to her little bedroom, encouraging him to lay down. Get some rest. He was completely unresponsive, even after he had settled down from crying. A glassy look in his eye, trembling and afraid. She threw her satin blankets on top of him, hoping it would ease his shivers.
“You just… sleep, okay? I’ll be on the couch.”
Daiki said nothing in response, staring at her with blood-shot eyes. When she left, she just left the pink string lights on for him, in the dim bedroom. It felt bad to just leave him in the dark, and his windows were covered well enough to where the sunlight wouldn’t be able to wake him up in the morning. She left the door cracked, too- Lil Bit was somewhere in there, she always was.
Atsushi checked her phone, again, from where it sat on the kitchen table. It was nearly 6 AM- she only had 2 hours before her shift at the café, and she hadn’t slept in over a day and a half. She groaned with exhaustion, rubbing at her eyes. There wasn’t any way she could leave a stranger in her apartment- and she needed to shower. Eat. Change from her stupid dress. Feed the cats. Sleep.
She crushed two birds with one stone, absolutely demolishing the discarded granola bar from earlier while showering. At this point in her life, she was an expert at multitasking. By the time the granola bar was gone, she was done washing the grime of her day off of her body, just in time to brush her teeth as she washed her hair, simultaneously. It was the fastest shower she had taken in her life, and she skipped on her skincare and hair routine after it all. She simply wrapped her long hair into an old t-shirt to dry, while she called the café.
It was a blessing that her manager was a kind person there. The lady had bought the, ‘my cat is sick, could anyone cover my shift?’ excuse easily, reassuring Atsushi that she could stay home for the day. It was a blessing. Atsushi could feel the static inside her ears, could see the walls shifting in her vision, closing in on her. She assured herself that it wasn’t real, that she was just tired.
She set out wet food for the cats in the kitchen. The only ones who ever ran to food were Old Boy and Babycat. The other four no longer had any food insecurity, had learned that food would be right there, if they ever needed it. Old Boy was still a little feral, though, and it was impossible to get him to unlearn resource guarding. Babycat, however- well. He was just fat and greedy. Atsushi gently pet Babycat between his ears as he dug into his breakfast, before moving back to the living room.
It was easy to throw herself into the couch, dressed in her silk pajama set. Her hair was still wet, but she couldn’t care any less. She needed sleep. Everything else could wait until the morning. The moment that Little Miss found her way to her favorite spot- right on top of Atsushi’s chest, while Sweetie sprawled out at her feet- it took no effort for Atsushi to lose consciousness.
She could work everything out in the morning. Right after the walls stopped moving on their own.