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His comm kept buzzing and Obi-Wan groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. He sat up with a yawn and used the force to summon the irritating object to his hand. He glanced at the chrono and winced. He’d only gotten two hours of sleep at the most. His head felt stuffed full of cotton as he pressed the accept button.
“Hello?” He murmured drowsily.
“Obi-Wan, I need your help, please!”
Fear made him reckless as he flew to Senator Amidala’s apartment, but Anakin’s screams spurred him on like nothing else. He hadn’t seen Anakin in months. The fight with the Chancellor had left both Master Windu and Anakin gravely injured. Anakin had suffered tremors from the force lightning for weeks after and once he’d been able, he’d left the temple without a word to anyone.
It had hurt more than Obi-Wan dared to admit. He had felt utterly blindsided when he’d been informed that Anakin left the order. He’d thought Anakin never would, but he had been so quiet and withdrawn during his stay in the halls of healing. He barely said a word to Obi-Wan the entire time he was confined to bed, but several times he had begun to stammer badly before he flushed with shame and refused to speak. Obi-Wan also blamed himself for his horrible reaction to seeing Anakin wracked with the violent tremors the first time.
“I’ll get help!” He cried, bolting out the door. Anakin had let out a terrible cry as he fled and Obi-Wan couldn’t stop tears from spilling from his eyes. He didn’t have to drag the resident nurse to Anakin’s room, but he did. “Help him!” He demanded, terrified. Anakin was curled up in a ball, nearly convulsing, gasping and sobbing.
“There’s nothing we can do.” She admitted softly, her expression bleak. “Can you try to calm him down? It might help, just don’t restrain him in any way.” Obi-Wan’s expression obviously displayed his utter fury because she hurriedly excused herself and fled.
He returned to Anakin’s side and took his shaking hands, holding them still.
“Please, breathe, darling. It will be okay.” Anakin shook his head wildly, sobbing harder. “It will, I promise. Just close your eyes and breathe.”
It took far longer than Obi-Wan had hoped, but eventually he stopped shaking, but it was longer still for his tears to stop.
Less than a week later, Anakin was gone and Obi-Wan hadn’t seen him since.
He landed on the platform of Senator Amidala’s apartment and stormed inside without bothering to knock. Padmé stood in the foyer with her handmaiden, clutching each other’s hands, trembling with fright.
“Help him!” She cried, pointing. Obi-Wan didn’t need to be told twice. He could feel Anakin’s wildly lashing force signature. He had completely lost control- something that hadn’t happened since Anakin had first come to the temple. Shattered glass and porcelain whirled through the air like a hurricane swept through the room and Anakin was the eye of the storm.
Obi-Wan reached out with the force and gently nudged their long-dormant training bond, even as he tried to stop the chaos. For a moment, everything stopped, then he heard Anankin gasping and sobbing uncontrollably. He cringed when everything fell to the ground and shattered further.
Anakin knelt on the floor, shaking, pulling at his hair. Obi-Wan cleared a path through the broken glass and debris and rushed to kneel next to him. He reached out with shaking hands and carefully pulled Anakin into his arms.
“Shh, dear one. It’s alright now. I’m here. Just breathe with me.”
“Master!” Anakin wailed and clung to Obi-Wan like his life depended on it. “Help me!” Obi-Wan was knocked backwards and Anakin crawled into his lap, hugging Obi-Wan so tightly it was bordering on painful. Obi-Wan clutched him just as fiercely, his heart aching. He had missed Anakin so terribly.
“Just breathe, dear one. I’ve got you.”
“It’s too much!” Anakin wailed. “It hurts!” He wasn’t calming down and his signature was still lashing wildly, but at Anakin himself. Anakin flinched and whimpered, clawing at Obi-Wan’s back. “Please!”
Obi-Wan winced, having only one option. It was the only thing that had worked before, but he hadn’t done it in years, but he was growing desperate.
“Anakin, sleep now, dearest.” Anakin immediately slumped against him, out like a light. He’d not offered an ounce of resistance and Obi-Wan could feel his intense relief before his mind shut down.
Obi-Wan carefully got to his feet with Anakin in his arms. Padmé and her handmaiden still stood in the foyer holding each other’s hands.
“Has this happened before?” Padmé and the handmaiden both nodded. Obi-Wan sighed. “How often, and was it this bad each time?” Padmé and her handmaiden glanced at each other.
“Four times… That I know of.” She said, eyes downcast. Obi-Wan grit his teeth and swallowed his anger.
“You should have called me sooner. I’m taking him to the temple healers.” He left without another word.
When Anakin finally awoke nearly twenty hours had passed. Obi-Wan had fallen asleep in the chair next to him for a mere five hours, but meditation had helped him get a bit more rest when it was clear Anakin was still dead to the world.
Madam Che had been horrified that Obi-Wan had mind-tricked Anakin, although once he explained that Anakin had not fought the suggestion in the slightest- that Obi-Wan had felt his relief, she relented.
“I had no choice. He couldn’t calm down. His shields are practically non-existent. He’s too powerful to be left alone like this. He needs help sometimes when he gets overwhelmed, but I haven’t seen anything like this since he was very young.”
Anakin’s eyes opened slowly and he groaned, radiating pain as he tried to move. Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder and Anakin went still.
“Master?” His voice was hoarse, as if he’d screamed his throat raw. Perhaps he had before Obi-Wan had arrived at the senators. The thought made him feel nauseated. He quickly grabbed water for Anakin to drink, but had to help Anakin sit up, then hold the cup steady as Anakin trembled badly. Once he’d drunk his fill, he slumped back onto his pillows, exhausted.
“I’m here, dear one. Do you remember what happened?” At first, Anakin looked confused, then horrified.
“I lost control again.” He whispered, his signature radiating shame.
“The Senator called me to help you. She has said it has happened before. Anakin, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You know I would have helped!” Obi-Wan pleaded. Anakin’s face contorted with grief and his eyes filled with tears.
“I don’t deserve your help!” He gasped.
“Of course you do! Why would you think such a thing?”
“I left without saying goodbye! I felt so horrible about it, but- I was a wreck! I could barely talk! I was ashamed!”
“Anakin, you were almost killed by Palpatine!”
“I almost fell, Obi-Wan! I almost betrayed Master Windu! I was so close! He had been manipulating me for years and I didn’t realize it until it was almost too late!” He sobbed.
“Anakin…” Obi-Wan sighed. “No one is harder on you than yourself. You didn’t fall, doesn’t that mean anything to you? You made the right choice in the end and I know you suffered for it. We only wanted to help you, we never wanted you to feel like you had to leave! Did someone say something to make you feel differently?” Anakin shook his head and shrugged at the same time. “Can you tell me what happened? The day you decided to leave?”
“I can barely control the force anymore and then from out of nowhere I’m being bombarded and I can’t stop it. Whatever Palpatine did, it’s permanent.”
“Anakin, how can you know that? You left when you were still so vulnerable, we could have helped you! I just don’t understand…”
“Padmé said it was probably for the best.” He muttered, his hands twisting the sheets covering his lap. “She didn’t want me to be a Jedi anymore.” Obi-Wan felt a flare of outrage at that.
“And why is that?” He asked, his tone icy. Anakin flinched, his lower lip quivering. “Did she ever see you lose control like this before your fight with the Sith?” Anakin shook his head. “Did she ever call anyone else to help you?” Another head shake, followed by a few tears. “So now that she finally realized that she cannot help you with this, what will happen?”
“I don’t know!” Anakin sobbed, curling up on his side, hiding his face.
“Anakin, I’m worried about you. Have you been sleeping at all? The suggestion shouldn’t have knocked you out for nearly a day and I can see that you’ve lost weight.”
“Everything is so difficult now. Even something that should be simple. I don’t know what to do anymore!” He covered his face and cried softly. Obi-Wan reached out and rubbed Anakin’s scalp gently, trying to soothe him and stop his tears.
“I wish you would have told me sooner. I could have helped.” Anakin nodded morosely.
“Me too.”
Anakin fell asleep quickly after that, but was allowed to leave the next day. Obi-Wan was utterly exhausted, but feared what would happen if Anakin returned to the senator. Perhaps nothing would happen, but eventually, he would lose control again.
“I’m too tired to take you home, but if you must leave tonight, please call someone to pick you up.”
“I can call someone… If you want me to.”
“I never said that. I’d prefer you stay here where I can keep an eye on you- that you have someone who can help you.” Anakin nodded but said nothing. Still, he followed Obi-Wan back to their- his quarters.
He seemed exhausted just from the walk, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but fuss over him, making his favorite caf and dropping blankets and pillows on him as he sprawled on the couch. Anakin finally allowed a timid smile as he freed himself from the pile of bedding and made himself comfortable.
“I should call her. Apologize.” Obi-Wan nearly snapped that she should have called Obi-Wan the first time Anakin had lost control. She had no idea how to deal with Anakin in such a state and had let him suffer for how long before finally calling Obi-Wan? It infuriated him that Anakin thought she even deserved an apology. What did she know about the force and the things it could do? She’d seen Jedi fight, and he assumed Anakin told her things, but he doubted she could truly understand. “I’m sorry, Master.” Anakin said in a small voice. “Don’t be angry.” Obi-Wan frowned and tightened his shields. Anakin’s shields were shit and any stray thoughts and emotions hit him like a sledgehammer. He was near tears again.
Obi-Wan crossed the room and sat beside him.
“I’m not angry with you, dear one. I’m angry you’ve been suffering and I had no idea! I always want to help you if I can!” Anakin nodded again, more tears spilling.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. Obi-Wan’s sigh was aggrieved.
“Can you please promise that if you feel- if you need me- you will call? I worry about you, you know.” Anakin nodded again.
He didn’t get up to wander about as he commed Padmé as he usually did when he spoke over a comm unit, but Obi-Wan could tell that Anakin was still exhausted.
She answered immediately.
“Anakin, are you okay?” She said, her lovely voice soft and anxious.
“I am… Better now.”
“Ani, I’ve been thinking.” Anakin’s eyebrows went up and Obi-Wan was about to jump to his feet and make himself scarce. He knew she was about to hurt Anakin more, he could feel it, and he wasn’t sure he could keep his mouth shut and not lash out at her.
Anakin gripped his wrist hard, stopping him. Obi-Wan sat back down, but Anakin didn’t let him go.
“Okay..” He said, the hesitation and wariness obvious in his voice.
“Maybe you should stay at the temple for a while. I can’t help you like they can. Master Kenobi was here all of two minutes and he was able to stop you. The best I can do is run and hide.” She said with a sniffle. “You need their help, you aren’t well and you haven’t been for months and I know it’s more than the tremors and the nightmares.” Anakin squeezed his wrist so hard Obi-Wan felt his bones grinding together. He grit his teeth and did not wince or try to pull away. He could feel Anakin’s abrupt swell of anxiety. “You aren’t happy here, I know you aren’t. You miss the temple and I know you miss Master Kenobi, too. I can’t take care of you like you need, and for that I am sorry.”
“Padmé!” Anakin cried.
“You know I’m right. I’m not enough-”
“That’s not true!”
“It is. I have accepted that. It does not mean my feelings for you have changed, but Anakin- I’m scared!” She began to cry and so did Anakin. Obi-Wan felt his heart sink. The last thing Anakin needed was a broken heart, but Padmé was right. “I’m scared of what you might do even though I know you aren’t doing it on purpose, I’m scared for you! If I couldn’t have gotten a hold of Master Kenobi, I don’t know what I would have done! I wouldn’t know who else to call! I’m sorry to say this, but I’m just not equipped to deal with the force. I know only what you’ve told me and what I’ve seen, but that doesn’t mean I can help you when you have an episode. I’m sorry. I see now why civilians and Jedi don’t… Get involved in a relationship. We just can’t understand how you feel, how you see the world. It was doomed to fail from the start.” Obi-Wan grimaced as Anakin cried harder. Padmé was just as upset, sobbing softly. Obi-Wan wanted to be anywhere else, but he knew Anakin needed him. His grip was going to leave bruises on Obi-Wan’s wrist. “I have to go, Ani. I will always love you.” She said and disconnected the call.
Obi-Wan felt his heart stop. Love, she had said. They were in love and she was ending it because she finally saw reality for what it was.
“Oh, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sighed, unsure what else to say. Anakin pitched forward, burying his face in Obi-Wan's throat and wailed and just like that the force began to lash at Anakin again. “Shh.. No dear one, you must breathe. Please, or I will have to put you to sleep again.” Obi-Wan murmured as he held Anakin close and rubbed his heaving back. He touched their frayed bond again and began pouring power into it- strengthening it. Anakin shuddered in his arms and his force signature greedily reached back, latching on desperately. He poured all his feelings for Anakin through the bond even as he knew he shouldn’t, but he was all Anakin had left and he would not abandon him for anything. He sent comfort, and he sent all his love and Anakin sagged against him further, weeping. The force stopped raging, however, and Obi-Wan sighed in relief. He felt Anakin’s love for him as well and released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
Anakin still cried and clung to Obi-Wan, but he was mostly quiet and still, only sniffling occasionally. Obi-Wan knew Padmé was right, he just wished that she had been this insightful before their illicit affair had begun, but he conceded that there was really no way for her to know what she was getting into. He had a devastated former padawan to console and he would do his best. Together they would get Anakin the help he needed.
“I have nowhere to go now.” Anakin whispered, shuddering. Obi-Wan squeezed him tight.
“This will always be your home, Anakin. You are always welcome here.” Anakin nuzzled impossibly closer, nearly in Obi-Wan’s lap, his signature radiating intense relief and gratitude.
“I never should have left.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now, everything will be alright.”
Obi-Wan would make damned sure of it.