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“Seriously? The fucking dumpster?”
Chad cackled—he’s awfully carefree; it’s hard to tell if it’s the alcohol that’s responsible for loosening him up or if he’s just that comfortable around Robert— he lets out a handful of undignified snorts in between spurts of laughter. Robert glares at him. The deadpan expression Robert often wears is betrayed by the light flush that spreads across his freckled cheeks.
“Yeah yeah, laugh it all out. Glad to know my misery brings you so much joy.”
“Is—is this a competitive sport for you or some shit? God, if there was a leaderboard for that you’d be dominating that fucker.”
Robert scoffed, he turns his head away from Chad to take a sip of his remaining drink. Chad glances over his shoulder. He notices that the corner of Robert’s mouth is slightly upturned, then, he shifts his gaze down to linger at Robert’s throat, fixating on the way his Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows the rest of his drink. Chad stores it in his memory. Ice clinks within the glass Robert is holding as he sets it down, clearing his throat as if sensing the pair of eyes locked onto him. Chad follows suit, taking a sip of his own drink.
“Why’d she dump your ass?”
“Oh, you know.” Robert fidgets with his glass, index finger tracing the rim. “The usual hero shit. Hid a lot of things. Lied a lot. It’s hard to keep coming up with excuses for why I kept disappearing and came back all beat up and bleeding. Thought I was in a gang, got scared off and left.”
“So kinda like Peter Parker? Well—except clearly you weren’t charming enough to pull all that off.”
“Dick.”
“Am I wrong though? You can’t say I’m wrong.”
The sound of chuckling fills his ears. Robert bumps Chad’s shoulder with his own, lacking any real force for it to be malicious. The gesture reminded him how close they’ve been sitting next to each other over the past hour or so. The air around them was warm, thanks to Chad. He’d slightly raised the temperature he ran at when he caught Robert shiver from the corner of his eye. Robert had always been oddly cold; it didn’t help that his shitty apartment lacked a heater or even hot water.
“That was the last actual relationship I had. Took it as a sign, decided that I didn’t want anything to do with dating.” Robert shrugged. “Just stuck to hook ups ever since, less complicated that way.”
Robert says as he lifts a brow, smirk forming on his lips. Their knees brush against one another when Robert shifts in his seat. He couldn’t tell when exactly they had started getting so friendly with each other, he hated Robert’s guts. Or used to. Over the span of several months since shroud, their relationship had evolved to something you could label as friends; after all, this wasn’t the first time they’d hung out after work like this. Chad found himself wanting to be in Robert’s presence more and more, it was something he actively sought out; there was just something about him that felt so soothing, Robert looked at him like he never doubted for a second that he was good, that he didn’t have to prove that he wasn’t dangerous.
“And I know you can’t talk shit at me for that—not with your weekly rotation of dates.”
“Obsessed with my love life now, are we Bob-bob?”
“Obsessed?”
“Mhm. Ob—fuckin’—sessed.”
“Dude. You’re the one that asked me about my love life—and I’m the obsessed one here?”
Chad doesn’t bother denying it. If It’s true, why lie about it? He’d even ghosted his other boy-toys for some odd reason; Alice had clocked it after the third week of Chad failing to mention anything about having a date for that week. It just felt wrong to do while he had whatever this is going on with Robert. They’re not even together, and Chad wasn’t sure if they could, for all he knew maybe he’d been reading their interactions all wrong, that the tension he’s been feeling wasn’t actually there. He’s not sure if he really wants to know so he settles for what he’s been doing, taking care of Robert. He folds up the love he can’t directly show and packs it into little acts of service he does for Robert; it’s present in the homemade food he makes for him, in the warmth of his hands as he heats up his coffee, in the carefully picked clothing he forcibly makes him take (minimalism doesn’t excuse you from having garbage taste, Robert), and much, much, more.
Though, he sure as hell wasn’t going to admit all that out loud. That meant admitting to himself that Robert had grown to be an irreplaceable part of his life, and that meant the possibility of losing him one way or the other will hurt more than he’d probably like.
“Hah, It’s not my fault you’re so entertaining. And there’s a difference, bitch. I do it for the love of the game—you do it cause you’re lonely.”
Chad had leaned a bit when he replied, close enough to feel Robert’s breath tingle on his skin. Since when did Robert have so many freckles? Chad catalogues, mapping out his features. At first glance, one could say Robert’s face as a whole was painfully boring, but god was he pretty once you really took a good look at him. Dark brows framed a set of tired—but warm—doe eyes, thick lashes fluttering up and down as they flicker around to different points on Chad’s face. There was a delicate spread of freckles that dusted the tip of Robert’s upturned nose; he somewhat resembled a deer—Chad vacantly thought about how these features contrasted the patchy stubble sprouting out of his strong jaw, as it sloped down to a narrow chin. His eyes landed on a pair chapped lips. He should really lend Robert some of his chapst-
“Anyone ever tell you how handsome you are?”
Chad jolts in his seat, derailing his train of thought when Robert spoke up. It suddenly occurred to him that he’d been staring at Robert’s stupid face for a hot minute—and Robert had been doing the exact same, apparently. Chad feels himself heat up, some sparks of fire even flicker over his shoulders before he quickly snuffs them out. It’s not like he hasn’t been called handsome before; he’s been told very often, actually. This was extremely tame in comparison to what people have called him in the past. But the way Robert compliments him so earnestly made Chad feel like he was a bumbling teenage girl around her crush. It doesn’t help that Robert has the most impish smirk plastered on his face.
Fuuuuuck.
Chad whips his head away, and downs the rest of his drink. Hoping to ground himself with the burning sensation down his throat. This is affecting him way more than it probably should, where the hell did all his sweltering bravado go? Robert must have snatched it and tossed it in the dumpster. Leaning over the counter, Robert peeks into Chad’s field of view. He’s met with a mean side-eye.
“Don’t get so coy with me now, Chad. Can’t handle a little compliment?”
Robert teases, his voice dropping half an octave. It doesn’t help that Robert’s favorite hobby is to rile Chad up, and it doesn’t help that Chad finds it extremely attractive. Chad turns towards Robert, their whole bodies face-to-face.
“Fuck you Bobert. You won’t like it when I burn that smug look off your bitch-ass face.”
Robert’s eyes widen for a moment, color faintly spreading across his cheeks.
“Oh?” The warm overhead lights illuminate Robert’s face as he tilts his head. His eyes twinkle, reflecting off the lights hanging above him. “—And how do you plan on doing so?”
If Chad were totally honest, he didn’t have anything planned. He really just was bluffing to preserve his own dignity, but Robert seems to be expecting something. Who is he to deny Robert of that? He didn’t expect to get this far. Regardless, he leans over Robert, doing his best to scrounge up the last bits of his composure in an effort to seem seductive.
“Care to find out, bitch?”
…
“I do, actually.”
Brown eyes flick down to Chad’s mouth, then return to meet his eyes. He’s asking for permission. Robert tentatively leans in. The height difference between them forcing him to crane his neck up, hand resting on Chad’s knee as his calloused fingertips lightly brush against Chad’s jaw. The kiss is surprisingly chaste, Robert’s lips aren’t soft by any means, but the contact makes Chad’s heart jump violently up his throat nonetheless. His brain blanks for a heartbeat, though he returns to his senses soon enough when Robert starts to pull away, interpreting his lack of reciprocation as rejection. Chad is sprung into action at the thought that he might not get this opportunity again. His hand rushes to grab Robert’s nape. With a tug, he pulls Robert closer to himself.
Chad can’t help but smile into the kiss when Robert gasps in surprise, losing his balance momentarily, resorting to hooking his arms around Chad’s neck for support. He greedily takes Robert in with the thirst of a man who’s been trudging through the Sahara Desert for months. He steadily slides his hand down Robert’s neck, feeling the curves of his lean muscle beneath his finger tips before settling down to the small of his back, pulling the him closer by the waist so it’s flushed against himself, deepening the kiss in the process. Robert tasted like the alcohol he’d been drinking; the sharp tangy notes danced on Chad’s tongue, somehow it seemed more potent than the actual thing. He felt Robert’s fingers snake up the back of his neck and suddenly tug his ponytail free. Fuck, Chad had nearly let out an embarrassing noise when-
Ahem.
The pair broke apart, turning towards the counter to lock eyes with the bartender glaring at them. Arms crossed and furious. Oops. Definitely forgot they were in public.
“Had fun? Get the fuck out.”
---
To say the least, the drive back to his place was awkward. The poor taxi driver had been suffocating in the tension that filled the car, occasionally glancing at the two of them through the rearview mirror. As much as he wanted to, Chad had the decency to not make out mid-ride, especially after that whole debacle at the bar. Chad flashes a quick glance at Robert, he’s looking out the window, looking relatively calm if it weren’t for the bouncing of his leg. At least he wasn’t alone in being restless. Chad crosses his arms, index finger mindlessly tapping against his bicep. Neon lights of the city blur together as the familiar streets speed past the window.
Chad felt himself sober up for a moment. Okay. So, what the hell are they now?
He’s still processing in his head; that yes, he’s waiting in a car with Robert. Heading to his apartment. And they’re probably going to fuck once they get there. How are they supposed to act after this?
While he knew that Robert undeniably felt the same about him—at the very least, physically—but to what extent? Recounting what Robert said earlier, he might just be expecting a casual hookup for all Chad knew. Despite all the weird flirt-fighting they did on a daily basis, Chad had never given himself the grace of thinking that there’s a possibility he could have a relationship with Robert. He didn’t want to hope. Sure, they’re close, maybe even closer than most friends are, and sure they grew to be each other’s solace, but that didn’t mean that Robert liked him like that. And Chad definitely was not going to risk burning down everything they’ve built into an ashy pile just for the prospect of a relationship. And he was content with it, happy even. Alright, he might be lying about the happy part, he’s been saying that to himself like a mantra hoping that it makes itself true if he says it enough times. However, things have changed tonight. It’s murky if this is for the best or worst.
The cab slows down to a halt as they pull up to Chad’s apartment. He pushes down the thought, storing it for later.
The moment the lock clicked behind them, it was like a string had snapped, surface tension broken, spilling over. Chad barely makes it two steps when Robert clutches the hem of his V-neck, wrinkling it in his fists. He’s pushed backwards with a surprising amount of strength, his back thuds against the door as he’s sandwiched between it and Robert. In the blink of an eye, they’re right back to where they were at the bar. Robert groans, hungrily working at Chad’s mouth, catching his bottom lip—his fists still remain anchored to Chad’s suit.
“That asshole drove way too fucking slow—"
Chad barely manages to huff out in between breaths before diving back in. He takes his precious time exploring Robert’s mouth, swirling his tongue around the other’s. His pulse raises along with the room’s temperature, he could tell Robert had begun sweating at this point when he slips a hand under Robert’s uniform, skin damp and warm under his palm as he hikes a shirt up Robert’s torso.
He only makes it up halfway when one of the fists hooked onto Chad’s clothing urgently snaps to the hand stroking Robert’s waist under his shirt, seizing Chad’s wrist. Robert wordlessly guides it off himself and lifts it up to the back of his head, eyes big and needy.
Fucking shit, he needs to stop making that fucking face.
Understanding what Robert meant, he interlaces his fingers through Robert’s hair, gripping a fistful of brown locks. Robert slowly sinks down to his knees while his free hand slides down Chad’s torso—touch tortuously feathery—eventually stopping to rest on Chad’s groin, palming his growing erection. Chad shuddered. It didn’t help that Robert looked up at him like that. He hastily strips himself out of his tight suit, freeing his length from the fabric enclosing it. Robert’s eyes widen at the sight.
“Like what you see, freckles?”
Robert rolls his eyes, stubbornly refusing to stroke Chad’s ego.
“Would it kill you to shut up?”
“Oh, come on Bob-bob. You know you love it when I—”
He is promptly shut up when without warning, Robert drags his tongue along Chad’s cock. Leaving a wet trail starting at the base, leading up to the frenulum. Shivers run down Chad’s spine. He tilts his head back in pleasure, thudding against the door. When Chad forces himself to look back down, he’s met with Robert’s intense gaze, his swollen lips resting on the tip. Chad watches Robert’s mouth split open around his cock, tentatively wrapping around the head, swirling his tongue around the sensitive area. Chad’s grip on Robert’s hair tightens, holding on to him like a lifeline as he sees his length disappear into Robert’s mouth.
“Shit—”
Robert starts slow, only able to get half of Chad’s length down his throat. Chad has to restrain himself from jerking his hips into Robert’s mouth when he starts steadily speeding up his rhythm. With each push and pull, the warmth from Robert’s mouth engulfs Chad’s cock in wet heat. Robert maintains eye-contact; peering up through his thick lashes, nostrils flaring with each breath, puffing hot air that manifests into condensation on Chad’s lower belly. Chad groans. Whatever he might have expected, it didn’t stand a chance against this.
He’s not lasting much longer.
“Fuck… Robert, ngh-” Chad grunts out. “I’m gonna-”
He attempts to warn Robert, hopefully getting the point across. Robert doesn’t pull away. instead, he plunges forward onto Chad as deep as he could. He looks at Chad straight in the eye as he hollows his cheeks out, the suction causing his hot tongue to press against Chad’s cock, applying just enough pressure.
“—Fuck!”
Chad cries out. Robert slowly pulls away; tongue stuck out, glistening with Chad’s load drizzled on, a string of saliva connecting it to the tip of Chad’s cock.
“I wish you could see yourself right now. Fuckin’ perfect.”
Chad breathes out, burning the sight of Robert into his buzzing head. His fingers untangle themselves from Robert’s hair, moving to his cheek, thumb wiping away stray drool from the corner of his mouth. Robert closes his jaw, swallows, and rises to his feet.
“Woah! —"
He doesn’t stay upright for much longer though, as Chad sweeps him off his feet as if he weighed nothing. Robert swiftly wraps his arms around Chad’s neck for balance.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Chad whispers into the side of Robert’s face, nibbling his earlobe.
“Just returning the favor. Let me take care of you, hm?”
Robert shudders in his grasp; he can see Robert’s ears turn red in his peripheral vision. Robert seems to have run out of words as Chad sucks hickeys on his neck as he carries him, making their way to his bedroom.
Chad drops Robert down on the bed, his back gently bouncing on the soft mattress. Shadows cast over Robert’s body as Chad towers over him. He’s overtaken by his need to be as close to Robert as possible, grinding his hips against him. He wastes no time undressing Robert, a single hand expertly moves, unbuttoning Robert’s uniform. The momentum abruptly halts when his attention returns to the owner of said shirt. It’s extremely concerning to see Robert squirm beneath him, unease evident in how his lips press into a straight line, eyes darting towards different points across the room, his gaze avoiding Chad.
“Hey, hey, you alright Rob?”
“It’s nothing, really—don’t worry about it.”
“We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“…What? No, I do want this, Chad—”
“Then tell me what you need, azizam.”
Chad says with a gentleness he didn’t expect could come from himself.
“Off. I want the lights off—" Robert exhales as if it physically pained him to ask. “…Please.”
Huh.
Chad’s confusion must have been evident on his face because Robert immediately backtracks by pulling him down into a kiss just as Chad begins to move off him. It’s intense and sloppy. Desperation bleeding into the way Robert’s teeth clashes into his as Chad feels a tongue slip past his lips, Robert moans into Chad’s mouth—as if trying to distract the other man from his previous request; it nearly works, the push and pull is dizzying. Robert pulls away, breathless.
“Robert- “
“Never mind.” He says in between pants. “Let’s just forget about it-”
While it wasn’t exactly common, Chad has had sex in the dark before. Some of his previous partners may have occasionally flicked off the lights along the way, just happening to be right next to the switch as they were pressed against the wall; or sometimes they had dimmed it instead, only leaving a lamp or two on for atmosphere. But total darkness? That was definitely new. Some part of Chad couldn’t help but be disappointed though; he’s wanted to see what Robert looked like under him for
months now, anticipating if it were anything like how Robert had looked in his dreams.
“Robert, calm your tits. I’ll turn the them off, okay? It’s not a big deal.”
Robert furrows his brows. His mouth opens, readying to argue. Although whatever fuss Robert had bubbling out the back of his throat is snuffed when Chad turns his head—pressing an almost chaste kiss against the palm cradling his cheek.
Sheets rustle as he gently slides off the bed. The click of the light switch resonates across the room as the lights go out. Chad knew his bedroom well enough to make his way back to Robert without bumping into furniture along the way. Robert let out a deep sigh as he slots himself back on top of him. He reaches out a hand to cup Robert’s face, thumb gently caressing his cheek.
“Better?”
Robert hummed in response. Incomplete digits slid down to Robert’s chest, working their way through undoing the rest of the buttons on Robert’s uniform, tossing them down somewhere on the floor. Chad could feel the vibrations of Robert’s quivering under his lips as they planted wet kisses on his skin. Travelling across the nook of his jaw, hollow dip of his collarbone, curving down to his hips. Chad’s lips lingered on spots of raised skin he assumed were scars, the taste of salt spread on his tongue as he sucked on old marks on his inner thigh, earning him a whimper from Robert.
“Fuck—” Robert jerked his hips up, spine arching off the mattress. A pair of hands slid up Chad’s nape, desperately clutching his hair like a lifeline. “—Chad.”
“Impatient now, are we?”
Chad cooed. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride knowing that he was the one that could make Robert sound like this. That he was the one to break through that façade of stoicism, reducing it to the panting mess beneath him that was Robert Robertson. Exhilaration rushed through his veins. Chad hovers over Robert, reaching over to rummage in the bedside drawer. Relying solely on touch, he fishes out a bottle of lube and a condom packet in the dark. Chad swiftly undoes his slacks with one hand, the other is located on the small of Robert’s back, supporting his midriff as he slides down his pants and boxers in one fell swoop. There had been some resistance and tightness in the fabric as he pulled them down, undoubtably the fault of his erection. He can’t help the grin that grows on his face. While Robert couldn’t see his expression in the dark, he could definitely hear the breathy snickers Chad makes.
“What.”
Embarrassment drips through Robert’s gruff voice. It’s adorable. Chad slides a hand under Robert’s thigh to lift his knees to his sides, spreading them apart so he can slot himself between.
“Hard for me already, Robbo?”
Chad teases, pressing his cheek to Robert’s inner thigh.
“Oh, fuck you.”
“No shit Bobert, what do you think I’m trying to fuckin’ do here?”
Chad feels a hand weakly slap his face in retort, they can’t help laugh at the absurdity.
The bottle’s cap pops open as Chad pours a generous amount of lubricant on his fingers, warming the liquid up in the process. He gently circles around Robert’s entrance and slowly slides a finger inside. Robert tenses up a little around him; sweating heavily as his chest rises and falls in an attempt to control his own breathing. Experimentally sliding in and out, he feels around Robert’s inner wall before inserting a second digit. Chad slides in deeper and curls his fingers, pressing against Robert’s prostate. Robert’s hips frantically jerk up towards Chad, demanding more.
“Chad, fuck—you’re going too slow-“
“So needy. So, so needy.”
Chad slows down his pace just to mess with Robert. He’s suddenly yanked down, his face side-to-side with Robert’s.
“I need you inside me,” Robert grits behind his teeth, borderline begging into Chad’s ear. “—right fucking now.”
“…Fucking hell.”
Chad must have learned something new about himself that very moment, because in a heartbeat, all of the blood that was meant for his brain had been redirected to his cock. The flames that threaten to show themselves are kept at bay by Chad’s conscious effort to not accidentally burn Robert. The lone condom packet on the nightstand is snatched away, the plastic crinkling as he hurriedly tears it open and slips it on his length, lining the tip up right on Robert’s hole.
Holy shit. Okay. This is really happening.
Holding back, Chad slides his cock in torturously slow, giving Robert time to adjust around his girth. He feels a shaky hand scratching his back.
“Holy fuck—” Chad grunts out. “You’re so fucking tight,”
Chad rubs circles onto Robert’s hip and thighs in the hopes of unwinding him.
“Shit—c’mon, relax for me. You’re too tense.”
“I know—” Robert struggles out. “…‘been a while-”
It seems to have worked when Robert’s iron grip on Chad’s shoulders softens, his body adjusting to the stretch. His core softening under Chad’s fingertips.
“That’s it… Just like that,” He presses a reassuring kiss to Robert’s temple. “you’re doing so well…”
He eases up enough eventually, giving Chad the opportunity to press deeper, his hips flush against Robert’s ass. Robert nearly moans, but the sound is quickly smothered by his own hand slapping over his mouth.
“Ah-ah,” Chad tuts. “Let me hear that gorgeous fuckin’ voice.”
He takes hold of Robert’s wrists, pinning them in place above Robert’s head. If he wasn’t going to clearly see Robert in the dark, he should at least hear him. That deep, gravelly voice that Chad had grown used to hearing in his ear at work had always sounded perpetually tired and exasperated, but now, it transformed into something vulnerable and unrestrained, like Chad had somehow torn down the several walls of armor Robert always held up around himself. Chad starts at a steady pace, thrusting his hips back and forth, he sucks new hickeys across Robert’s neck, not caring about how high he places them; let everyone see, for all he cares.
“Oh fuck!—“
Discovering that Robert was very vocal in bed had been a pleasant surprise. He moans and whimpers with each thrust, listing out every curse in the dictionary. When Chad prods a particularly sensitive spot, Robert cries out his name with such reverence it was as if he were the most important thing on earth. It elicits something deep inside Chad’s very being as he picks up the pace, growing in intensity and force. The sweat on his back sizzles, but Robert doesn’t seem to mind the heat.
Dull pain blooms on Chad’s left trap. Robert sinks his teeth into Chad, his groans resonating vibrations into Chad’s shoulder.
“You’re fuckin’ feral, Bob-bob.”
Robert maneuvers his head to bite the other side, for symmetry of course.
“You like it though.”
“Wayyy too fucking much.”
Their overwhelmed senses shut the both of them up, completely out of witty quips. Any noise they do make are quickly replaced by desperate moans accompanied by the sound of skin slapping against skin. They rest forehead to sweaty forehead—the bedroom was basically a sauna at this point. Chad can just barely see Robert’s face, even this close. He sees Robert close his eyes and releases a guttural groan as he tenses under Chad, thighs shaking as warmth splashes between their torsos. Chad’s rhythm begins to falter as he chases his own high, when Robert takes his face in both hands and pulls him into a deep kiss, taking him in fully. The world fades around them as pleasure shoots through Chad’s veins, getting in one last deep, ragged thrust before collapsing onto Robert. They lie there for a minute, neither one saying anything, busy catching their breath. It’s Chad that eventually breaks the silence.
“Eugh, we fucking stink.”
---
The sound of splashing bounce against the smooth tile of the bathroom as Robert lowers himself into the tub, settling down in front of Chad. It had taken a bit of convincing, insisting that he could clean himself. Chad’s point is quickly proven when his legs give out under his own weight in an attempt to stand up. Chad revels in Robert’s embarrassment as he carries him bridal-style towards the bathroom.
Well, this feels awfully domestic.
Chad can’t help but bask in it. After everything that’s just happened, their relationship feels like it’s been pushed even further into floating around in this weird grey area between friends and something more. Robert had clearly stated a few hours ago that he wanted nothing to do with relationships, Chad certainly hadn’t forgotten. Still, a selfish part of Chad allows himself to indulge in the present, focusing solely on the brunet in front of him as he lets himself pretend that Robert is his, and his alone. At least for tonight.
Robert hums as Chad’s fingers gently rake through his scalp, granting Robert the honor of getting to use Chad’s expensive shampoo (anything to keep him from using that godforsaken 5-in-1 shampoo for once, gross). They sat together in that tub in comfortable silence, although something lingers in the back of Chad’s mind. Something inside him twisted in concern.
“Hey Bobert?”
“Hm?”
“The hell was that earlier?—The lights, I mean.”
Robert tenses up like ice had been dumped over him. The once comfortable silence transformed into something strained, stretching out for what felt like hours. Chad internally cringes. Did he just massively overstep right now? He felt insanely stupid. Just because they fucked doesn’t mean he gets to waltz into Robert’s psyche like he owned the place. He’s just about to backpedal when—
“I um. I didn’t want to turn you off. Can’t have myself ruin the experience for you.”
What? Chad furrows his brow in confusion. Robert wasn’t ugly, anyone can see that. And while Robert was skinny, he always had a damn good figure, especially now that he’d gained most of his muscle mass back since the coma. So why then?
Oh.
Chad traces a finger along Robert’s back. The tissue dark and protruding, not having healed quite right. Some people did tend to get squeamish around scars, he knew what it was like, his partners tended to bat an unsettled eye at his disfigured hand (he never told them what its origin story was, it’s none of their business, fuck off.) Although, Robert never seemed to be the type to get insecure easily or maybe he just hid it well, Robert hid a lot of things.
“I don’t like thinking about them, much less seeing them, so you could imagine it wasn’t exactly thrilling for other people either. It just—felt like a reminder y’know?”
Robert fidgets with a bottle of bodywash, mindlessly skimming over the ingredients. Chad begins to massage Robert’s back, in a hopefully comforting gesture.
“Reminders of what I’ve done. Reminders of the people I hurt, people I’ve failed.”
He places the bottle down.
“That one?”
Robert turns his head to vaguely gesture towards the large claw mark splayed across his back.
“I got that from fighting a meta. ‘Was trying to dismantle a kidnapping ring, it was successful for the most part. Right until I got to the last kid. Curly hair, missing tooth—like you, I suppose—poor kid looked rough. It didn’t occur to me that one of the perpetrators slipped away until I went to rescue her, slashed my back deep enough that I couldn’t get to her in time before he snatched her away. Tried chasing after them but he was too fast and I lost too much blood. Never saw her again until a week later in a police report, they found her washed up under a bridge.”
Robert’s voice nearly faltered. His back hunched over like it bore the weight of his conscience.
“I knew it was her. Same hair, same missing tooth, just—paler.”
Chad thought about his niece, Robert’s description reminded him a lot of her. He felt sick just imaging something like that happening to his precious niece. He thought back to a failed mission he had months ago. It had been his first casualty, a child of all things. He had completely disassociated the entire flight to SDN, did his best to keep himself together until Robert found him having a panic attack in the locker room all alone. Only difference between them was that Robert grieved that little girl all by himself. He didn’t have anyone to pull him back to earth, no one comfort Robert the way Robert did to Chad.
“The rest are more or less the same. Just tally marks etched on my body counting each fuck-up I made as Mecha man.”
He wraps his arms around Robert into something resembling a hug. And Robert lets him. Chad can admit that he’s not the best at consoling people (especially not in the weirdly effective way Robert does), but he can at least try.
“But you did your goddamn best, when haven’t you?”
Chad said, resting his chin on Robert’s shoulder.
“You don’t have to pity me, alright? I should be apologizing right now, actually.”
A little bit of water splashes out of the bathtub as Robert shuffles out of Chad’s arms, turning around to face him. Chad can only blink in bewilderment as he sorts through all the things that Robert could possibly be apologizing for. Well, besides his fingers; they already had a long, long, conversation about that, and it may or may not have ended in them being in each other’s embrace, in a completely platonic way for coworkers, of course.
“Chad.”
Robert takes both of his hands in his, staring at him with his stupid doe eyes. Robert hadn’t looked this guilty since they talked about their fight in that mall. The only thing he wants to do right now is kiss away that expression.
“I am so fucking sorry. This was really shitty for me to do. I shouldn’t have just—used you like that, and I get it if you don’t want to talk anymore after this. You’re not just another hookup to me, Chad. I hope you know that.”
“What am I to you then?” He presses a kiss to Robert’s fingers, still clasped around his. “Tell me.”
“What can I even say? We’ll be here for hours.”
“Bitch I can sit and listen for an hour, I’m the pinnacle of patience.”
This earns him a breathy chuckle from Robert, the lightness of which loosens something within Chad that he didn’t know has been squeezing him all this time.
“Well, I’ll summarize it anyways. Just for you, Mr. Pinnacle of patience—"
He barely finishes his sentence before he’s met with a face full of soapy water, thanks to Chad.
“I changed my mind. Not telling you anymore.”
“Bobert someone’s going to get smothered in this tub if you don’t spit that shit out right now, and it’s obviously not going to be me.”
“When you phrase it like that…”
“Fucking cut to the chase already.”
“Fine.” Robert’s expression softens to something like affection. “I could never make up my mind about you. What are you to me, actually? You’re the one that saves my ass from getting crushed when I get overconfident in the gym. The one who makes me lunch everyday when you got tired of seeing me eat junk food daily. The one who heats up my coffee when you think I’m not looking. And even under all that bravado I feel sometimes you can’t see it yourself. Despite acting like an asshole, you care. You care so much. You’re so good to me I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what I did to make you treat me this well, it drives me crazy.”
Chad can’t help but think of how beautiful Robert looks right now. Scars and eyebags and all.
“And some part of me is holding onto the hope that maybe I can have this. That I can deserve to have this. But that’s hard to believe when the first thing I do when you loosen up with me was to take advantage of it.”
“Don’t make it sound like you just used me-“
“But I did.”
“No you didn’t you fucking dumbass, I wanted you too, wasn’t it obvious?”
“You don’t have to make me feel better just because you slept with me, Chad.”
“Roberto, what part of ‘I want you’ do you not get? Let me have you. Let yourself have this, and I’ll show you how good I can really be. I can be a gentleman when I want to, don’t you know?”
“…God, I hate it when you’re actually smooth for once.”
“’That a yes?”
“What do you think it means?”
“Fuck off, give me a real answer.”
“Yes. Yes, fuck. Happy?”
“Maybe.”
He’s exhilarated.
Robert flashes him a smile so carefree that he does what he’s been wanting to do for a while. Leaning forward, he kisses Robert with a unique gentleness he only reserves for Robert alone. He peppers several more along Robert’s face, pressing kisses along his cheeks, nose, temple, and forehead. The gesture must have tickled Robert, causing him to lightly giggle as Chad maps out his face.
“Enough of that, now turn your ass around. I’m not done salvaging your hair just yet.”
“Whatever.”