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Shane had seemed a little flustered when he ducked out of their dance circle to go to the bathroom, but Rose didn’t think too much of it. She knew he wasn’t the biggest fan of clubs and she appreciated he’d made an effort to come be with her. A minute later she realized she had to visit the bathroom as well, so she left her drink with Miles and followed in the direction Shane had gone. She’d barely gotten half way across the dance floor when she noticed Shane, not in the bathroom, but standing stock still right in the middle of the crowd.
He was just standing there, staring at - Ilya Rozanov? Dancing with some girl? She glanced around and saw a few other players from the Raiders as well. Was there only one club in Montreal for NHL players? What a small world. She was about to approach Shane to see why he was staring at his rival when she noticed something even stranger: Rozanov was staring right back. While he slowly ran his hands all over his dancing partner's body, he was looking right at Shane with a really intense look on his face. What the fuck kind of macho rivalry bullshit was this, a staredown in the middle of the dancefloor, basically using a woman as a prop? With Rozanov’s reputation, she wasn’t surprised he was pulling some shit like this, but Shane wasn’t like that. There was something niggling in the back of her mind as she watched them watch each other. What the fuck was - oh, ew, now Rozanov was full on sucking on the girl's ear.
His eyes never left Shane.
Why was Shane still staring?
After stomaching this nauseating sight for at least thirty seconds, she snapped out of her daze. She tapped Shane on the shoulder and he almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to look at her quickly and her stomach dropped at the sight of him. His eyes were glassy and he looked fucking devastated. He clearly attempted to rearrange his facial expression when he realized it was her, but he was a terrible actor.
Confused, she looked back at Rozanov who was still dancing with the woman, except instead of staring down Shane he was now full on glaring at Rose. The fuck? She watched in morbid fascination as he looked away and whispered something to the woman whose ear he was making out with. She laughed, shook her head and pointed at some guy at the bar. She then smiled, kissed Rozanov on the cheek and left him looking completely bewildered in the middle of the dancefloor. When he glanced back at Rose and Shane, she was shocked to see that same look of devastation Shane had been wearing a moment ago. He turned and disappeared into the crowd and left Rose standing there next to Shane feeling utterly lost.
She turned back to Shane to see him looking downright guilty. She found herself laughing a little hysterically as she shouted to be heard over the music. “Um Shane? I say this is the kindest way possible, but what the actual fuck was that?” If she didn’t know any better she felt like she’d just interrupted a lovers tiff or something. She could swear Rozanov had looked almost jealous when he’d glared at her. Surely he wouldn’t be so petty as to be jealous of his rival getting a girlfriend. It seemed like Rozanov had no problem getting women to sleep with him.
Shane stammered through a reply. “Uh, that was uh, Ilya Rozanov? You know him? He plays for the Boston Raiders.”
Rose laughed at the notion that any hockey fan wouldn’t recognize Rozanov. “Yeah, babe, I know who that was. I meant why were you guys having some kind of creepy staredown in the middle of a club?”
“Um, I, he’s…” He chewed on his lip as he looked up at the ceiling, down at the floor, basically anywhere but her. She waited, but he couldn’t seem to come up with an explanation. He crossed his arms tightly across his chest, digging his fingernails into his biceps. His breathing got more rapid. Shit, he was freaking out.
“Shane? Are you…?” He looked up at her suddenly and her heart ached at the look on his face. There were tears in his eyes. “...fuck, Shane, are you okay?”
Shane shook his head slightly as he quickly swiped a tear from his face and Rose instantly took charge. She grabbed his arm gently and started to lead him through the crowd towards the front exit. “Come on, it’s okay, you just need some air.” He followed her easily. Hopefully he didn’t notice Cliff Marlow clock him crying on the way out. She glared at him. That fucker better keep this to himself.
She quickly marched them down the sidewalk, past the lineup of clubgoers, to a quiet stretch of the street where she stopped just outside a closed petshop. At this point, Shane was fully crying. He plopped right down on the sidewalk, tucked his knees up close to him and leaned back against the building, tears streaming down his face. She couldn’t exactly sit on concrete in her current outfit so she just squatted down next to him the best she could.
Fuck. Shane was crying so hard he could barely breathe. She gently rubbed a hand over his back as he leaned over and buried his face in his hands, elbows braced on his knees. “It’s okay, Shane. It’s okay. Just try to breathe. In for four, out for four.” Completely at a loss, and growing increasingly concerned, she kept rubbing his back and saying comforting things when she could, until eventually his sobs seemed to lesson.
Once he appeared to have gotten his breathing under control, she heard him mumble into his hands. “I’m so sorry.”
Her heart broke at the utter devastation in his voice. “No, no it’s okay to get upset, no need to be sorry.”
“It’s not okay.”
“Why? Do you want to tell me what happened?”
He finally came up for air, resting his head against the glass window of the petshop as he stared at his hands. He couldn’t look at her. He sounded wrecked. “I’m so so sorry.”
She shook her head, smiling at him gently. “Hey, no, I told you you don't have to be sorry for crying, it’s -”
Shane grimaced, looking pained. “Not for that.”
She gently ran a hand up and down his forearm, trying to soothe him. “Then for what? I’m guessing this is about that weird staredown in there? Because I am honestly still wondering what the fuck that was, but I don’t know why it would make you so upset. Isn’t he always an asshole?”
Shane squeezed his eyes shut tight, practically whispering. “No.”
“No, Rozanov isn’t always an asshole?” That was new.
Shane shook his head, biting his lips. “It’s mostly an act.”
“Oh. Well yeah I guess that makes sense. He’d be a decent actor though, it’s pretty convincing.” She laughed, trying to maybe lighten the mood, but Shane looked as devastated as ever. At least he was talking?
Shane sighed heavily, picking at his cuticles. She’d really have to take him for a manicure. “He’s not really like that, off the ice…” Since when did Shane know him off the ice? “...not usually. But tonight, yeah, he’s being a fucking asshole.”
Rose scoffed in agreement. “Yeah, looked like it.”
“But. He has a reason to be one tonight.”
“What do you mean, because of the game? Is he really that sore of a loser?”
“No. That’s not why.”
She waited for him to keep talking, but apparently getting the truth out of Shane was like pulling teeth. “Then why?”
Shane looked up from his hands, eyes glistening again. “I’m so fucking sorry Rose.”
Well that wasn’t an answer. “Shane, for what? You haven’t done anything.”
A tear slipped down his cheek as he glanced around them warily. He lowered his voice as he looked at her with his big sorrowful eyes. “Fuck. I’m, I think I’m in love with h-him.”
Um. What? He said Him right? She felt very stupid all of a sudden. He couldn’t mean…
“Shane, who?”
He leaned his head back against the glass and closed his eyes as another tear rolled over his pink cheek. “Ilya.”
“Ilya? Who the - wait ROZANOV?!”
Shane whipped his head around quickly checking for anyone nearby and grabbed her arm looking terrified all of a sudden. “I’m so fucking sorry, but please keep it down, please. This can’t, I can’t, if anyone…fuck!”
He looked like he was about to start hyperventilating again so Rose held onto his hand and squeezed, nodding quickly. “Sorry, sorry I’ll be quiet…” She kept her voice low. Jesus she hadn’t meant to shout, she was just fucking shocked. In all honesty, she’d been starting to have her suspicions about Shane. She didn’t seem to be doing it for him. But holy fuck. Rozanov?! “...I - oh my god Shane.”
He shook his head looking completely ashamed of himself. “I know. I’m so sorry, I really like you Rose, I thought, I thought I could be…” He trails off into more tears and she’s not sure if it’s a weird reaction to hearing her boyfriend is in love with a rival hockey player, but all she mostly feels is sad for him.
She gently wiped some tears from his pink cheeks, speaking softly. “Hey, it’s okay babe -”
“No, it’s really not.”
“It is. Unless, I mean, were you cheating on me with…”
Shane quickly objected, looking horrified. “No! No, I promise, I would never cheat on you. On anyone. We broke up before I met you. Well, I can’t even say it was a ‘break up’ because we weren't technically together.”
Okay. Just yet another gay boyfriend then, she is on a role! Well, Shane seems like he’d be a great bestie, so not a total loss. Now Rose needs the full story. “So, you’re in love with him, but you were never together?”
Shane shrugged, his eyes so sad. “Well I mean, we kind of…it’s complicated. We um, are you sure you want to hear this?”
Rose nodded quickly and decides, fuck it, she can’t squat anymore. She delicately arranged herself on the sidewalk, dress tucked under her best she could. The sidewalk is freezing but this was worth it. Shane looked concerned for her. “Are you okay like that? Fuck, I should’ve brought my blazer out for you.”
He was so sweet. She shook her head and gestured for him to continue. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Now tell me everything, I’m serious. I want to know. I’m assuming no one knows about this?”
Shane laughed bitterly. “Yeah, no one. We’ve been hooking up since rookie season and - “
Whoa. She couldn’t hold back her squeal. “ROOKIE SEASON!?”
“Rose!” Shane looked panicked again and she felt terrible.
“Sorry, sorry, keep going.”
“So. For years, it’s only ever been hooking up, you know, when we play each other. We don’t go on dates, can’t go on dates, there’s no like, feelings or whatever.”
Impossible for this sweet boy. “Shane, I’m sorry babe but I highly doubt you are capable of hooking up without feelings for years.”
Shane sighed and gave a sad little shrug. “Okay, maybe there were feelings on my part -”
“Um and his part, if the way he was glaring at me with insane jealousy has anything to do with it.”
Shane’s cheeks went pink. “Anyway, a couple weeks before you and I met, I went over to his place in Boston and things were…different.”
Hm. “Like how?”
“After we, um -” He blushed some more, and seriously he’s just so cute.
“Fucked?”
“...yes. After, he asked me to stay the night. It was still daytime, it wasn’t like we’d just pass out and I’d leave in the morning. He was asking me to like, hang out. Either way, we’ve never ‘stayed’. It’s always just have sex and leave pretty much immediately after.”
Ah, so Rozanov totally caught feelings. Not surprising. How could you not for Shane? “Okay, so he asked you to stay…”
“Yeah, then we had sex again and uh, cuddled after…”
“Cute.”
Shane huffed, pink all over. “...which is another thing we don’t do. Then he made me food and gave me a gingerale, which I know he never drinks so he must’ve bought it just for me…”
“Aw!”
“Rose.”
“Sorry.’
“Then we just hung out and talked, mostly about hockey at first. But then he started telling me about some woman he's friends with who he used to sleep with, which was just kind of weird. I mean why would I want to hear about that?”
He looked like an angry jealous kitten and Rose had to force herself not to laugh as she pointed something out. “Well you said used to sleep with. Maybe he was just trying to figure out if you’re sleeping with other people…”
“Huh…maybe. He did straight up ask me if I like girls…”
“And what did you say?” She couldn’t help but smirk at him, since she now was pretty sure the answer was no.
“I panicked and said of course, but I don’t think he believed me.”
Rose couldn’t help the snort of laughter she let out, but Shane cracked a smile so it was worth it.
“Then he got what sounded like a really stressful phone call from his dad.”
“Sounded like?”
“He was speaking Russian.”
“Oh right. Hot.”
“Rose!”
“Sorry.”
Shane started twisting his fingers anxiously. They must’ve been getting to the disastrous part of the story. “Anyway I asked how his dad was and he didn’t really answer, but he was all smiley like he was happy I asked. Then he fucking cuddled me some more and I started getting weirded out about how sweet he was being…so I uh, started something to kind of, I don’t know, distract myself.”
Classic. “Deflecting using sex, sure.”
“Yeah. It was great, it’s always fucking great -”
“I bet. He’s fucking hot.”
“Jesus Rose. But when he, finished, he said my name. And I said his, I don’t know what came over me, and I just suddenly freaked -”
She’d lost him completely. “Wait, why would that freak you out?”
He looked a little embarrassed. “Oh, we’ve only ever called each other by our last names.”
“Ever? That’s weird, dude.”
“I don’t know, that’s what everyone does in hockey, I guess it was just our way of keeping it casual or something.”
“Oh my god, men are so strange. Anyway, yes, then what happened."
“So yeah I freaked out and lied about having a morning meeting and basically booked it out of there before he could stop me.”
“Oh honey.”
“He totally knew I was lying too.”
“Well yeah Shane, you’re a terrible liar.”
He laughed bitterly, crossing his arms against his chest. “Not the first time I’ve heard that.”
Rose just wanted to hug him. But she had to dig deeper. “So, why do you think you got so freaked out though, like just the name thing or? I mean it sounds like you were having a nice day together?”
Shane sighed heavily, staring at his feet. “I guess, hearing him call me Shane, it just felt so, real? It sort of made me fully realize how fucking domestic the whole day felt. And we don't do that. It felt like we were, something. You know?”
She didn’t understand what was wrong with that. “And you didn’t like it? You don’t want to be something?”
“I - I don’t know. I mean, yeah I liked it. But I was scared that I liked it. Me and him, we can’t be something. Not publicly. It would destroy our careers. And I don’t even know if he wants to be something, anyway.”
“Um, it kind of sounds like that was what he was trying to show you with the whole at home date scenario. He wants to be secret boyfriends. I mean I wish, and I’m sure he does, that you could be public boyfriends. But I get it.”
“Wait.” Shane looked dumbfounded. Poor boy. “You think that was meant to be a date?”
Rose held in her laugh. “Yes, Shane. I mean he’s obviously just as bad as communicating as you are -”
“Hey!”
“- but yeah, I think he was trying to tell you he wanted something more, without literally saying it.”
“I mean, he did say he liked me…”
“Um what?! How did you just leave that out?”
“Well he basically said he only likes me for my uh, skills.”
He’d definitely missed something and she was going to help him figure it out. She was a good ex-girlfriend like that. “Okay what were the exact words of this conversation, I need you to spell it out.”
“After he asked me if I like girls - and I was super fucking awkward - he said I like girls, I said no shit and he said but I also like you…”
“Uh, Shane!”
“Wait! Then I said lucky me and he added not as a person of course, but you have a good mouth. So, I took that as, he only likes me for sex…right?”
These two were fucking idiots. “Oh Shane, you sweet baby girl.”
Shane looked bewildered. “What?”
“He said I like you and you responded LUCKY ME.”
“Yeah so?”
Hopeless. Seriously. “Oh my god, a normal response, the response he was probably hoping for, would’ve been I like you too.”
Shane’s mouth was hanging open. “But -”
“I’m not done. Since you didn’t say you liked him back, he obviously panicked and deflected with a dumb sex joke because he felt all vulnerable and rejected.”
“You cannot be serious.”
“I am dead ass serious, Shane.”
He looks at her with those big wide eyes. “So, he likes me?”
Rose facepalmed. “He likes you at the very least. After all these years? He probably fucking loves you back.”
“Oh god.”
“So after he was vulnerable with you for the first time in like a million years of this situationship, you just up and left.”
Shane nodded, looking horrified with himself.
“Shane, you probably broke his heart. And then started very publicly dating a super hot famous actress.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. Fuck is right.”
“God Rose, I’m such an idiot.”
She cringed and pet his head gently. “I mean I adore you, but yeah babe you kind of are."
"Thanks so much."
"In your defense though, you were scared and I get that. Your guys situation is super complicated. And he sounds like a bit of an idiot too. I mean he could’ve just had a meaningful conversation with you and not just dropped hints hoping you’d pick up on it.”
“Exactly. Thank you!”
“Also, that stunt he pulled in there was kinda gross. I get he’s jealous and wanted to make you jealous but yeah. Ew. Heartbroken dudes do some gross things.”
Shane grimaced at the memory. “Yeah, that poor girl he was with.”
“Oh didn't you see, she ditched him!”
Shane seemed to perk up at that. “Really?”
She smirked at him. “I see that hopeful look in your eye.”
He instantly looked ashamed. “God Rose, I am the worst boyfriend in the history of the world. I’m so sorry. I really thought I liked you. I DO like you, just not like. You know.”
She waved him off, perfectly happy at this point to have a new best friend. “Don’t worry, I mean yeah I’m officially breaking up with you but, hey I was in musical theatre at least 80% of my boyfriends have left me for other guys. Having my gay boyfriend break up with me outside a club is actually kind of normal at this point.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I’m…”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “You don’t think you’re gay?”
Shane shrugged, squeezing his eyes shut as he gently knocked his head back against the glass window. “No, I guess I am. Fuck how many years of exclusively getting fucked by a guy does it take to realize you’re gay?”
Rose gave him a small smile, rubbing his arm. “I mean, in your defense, you could’ve been bi? Or pan or something?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I am though.” He started tearing up again and her heart broke for him for the millionth time tonight. “Holy shit, I’m gay.”
Rose smiles at him reassuringly, tearing up a little herself. “And that's okay babe, you know that’s okay right?”
Shane nods but he doesn’t look sure. “I know. Just. You can’t be gay in the NHL, it’s just not…fuck it’s just not done, you know?”
Rose wants to rage at the injustice of the world. “I know. And that’s really fucked Shane. I’m sorry. Doesn’t mean you can’t be with your man though, in your own way.”
Shane shook his head, sighing heavily. “He’s not my man.”
“Well, I think he’s still in there, maybe you could go talk to…” She glances behind her and her stomach drops. “...oh fuck nevermind, he’s right there. And he sees us.”
“What?!” Shane turns to look where Rose is watching Ilya Rozanov stalking down the sidewalk towards them. And he looks pissed.
“Oh shit.”
Frozen to the spot, they’re just gaping up at Rozanov as he towers over them, glowering at Rose. “Rose Landry.”
“Um, Ilya Rozanov?”
“Marlow says you made Shane cry, what did you do?”
Rose splutters, affronted and immediately defensive as she quickly stands up and gets in his face. “Excuse me?! You made him cry actually, with that ridiculous performance you were putting on in there.”
Rozanov’s expression goes from angry to confused to wary in a matter of seconds. “I - what?”
Rose kind of wants to smack him. “Yeah. What the fuck was that?”
“Rose.”
Shane tiredly gets to his feet, Rozanov watching him carefully like he’s afraid he might fall over. His arm reaches out like he’s about to help him, but he clearly changes his mind and quickly takes it back. He’s looking a bit awkward. “Hollander, I didn’t mean to -”
Something flickers on Shane’s face and suddenly he’s shouting at him. “Fuck you! What were you trying to do to me, acting like a, like that, right in front of me? You think I enjoyed it?”
Rose feels weirdly proud, even if she’s secretly rooting for these two. Rozanov deserves to be chewed out for that stunt.
Rozanov looks incensed, gesturing at Rose. “Oh, you think I enjoy watching you with her? In the club, all over the fucking tabloids, on the TV. You’re fucking everywhere.”
Shane looks temporarily stunned that Rozanov cares that much. Silly boy. Then he looks angry again. “Well I didn’t purposely try to rub that in your face, like you just did, asshole!”
Rozanov scoffs, not hiding his hurt very well at all. “Oh no, you just left me to start dating her when you don’t even -”
He stops short as he suddenly looks at Rose like he’d forgotten she was there. He goes a bit pale looking between her and Shane. “Ah. Maybe we shouldn’t be -”
Shane rolls his eyes quite sassily and it makes Rose smile to herself. “Oh, she knows Rozanov, calm down, she just broke up with me.”
“She broke -” Rozanov clearly tries to hide his reaction at that piece of news and deflects. “ - she knows…what?”
Rose laughs and speaks up before Shane can say anything. “That you love each other. Duh.”
Shane splutters. “Rose!”
The two men look at her both blushing and stunned and she chuckles nervously. “Oops. Sorry. But I mean, kind of your welcome actually? You two need to fucking communicate.”
They both speak emphatically at the same time. “He’s not in love with me.” They look back at each other in surprise.
Rose snorts. These two are adorable. Ridiculous, but adorable. She holds her hands up in front of her in defense. “Okay fine, live in denial, what do I care.”
But neither of them are paying her any attention anymore. Rozanov’s face has changed completely. It’s softer, filled with disbelief as he gazes at Shane intently. “You and her are not…?”
Shane shakes his head slowly, staring right back at him. He says, soft but sure. “I’m gay, Ilya.”
Rose is so proud. Rozanov, Ilya, looks like a weight's been lifted off his shoulders. He lets out a kind of relieved sigh before his brow furrows again. “And you, you told her this?”
Rose thinks they’ve completely forgotten she’s standing there.
Shane looks like he might cry again. So does Ilya actually. She’s pretty sure she should give them a moment and go back inside, but she can’t look away.
Shane clears his throat, looking up at Ilya like he’s the only person he ever wants to look at again. “Told her what, that I’m gay? Yeah.”
Ilya steps a little closer, his smile small and fond like she’s never seen it on TV. “No. You told her, about me, that you, that you…”
Shane lets out a shaky breath. He can’t seem to speak. His eyes are glistening and he just shrugs and nods, a soft stuttery laugh falling from his lips. He’s never once looked at Rose the way he’s looking at Ilya right now.
And Ilya. Holy shit, his whole face transforms with the way he looks at Shane, so much fucking love in his eyes its almost hard to look at. He oh so gently wipes a tear from Shane’s cheek and quietly murmurs something in Russian. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”
Shane smiles soft and tentative, tilting his head into Ilya’s palm. “That mean what I think it does?”
Ilya nods, an adorable shy little grin on his handsome face. “Mm. I love you.”
Shane’s never looked so beautiful as he does in that moment, absolutely beaming through his tears in a way that lights up his face like Rose has never seen. He wraps his arms around Ilya’s neck, tugging him forward and whispering I love you before he kisses him deeply.
Ilya practically giggles into the kiss before lifting Shane into his arms, Shane’s legs easily wrapping around his waist and they stumble into the wall of the petshop, laughing and kissing over and over.
Rose is fucking crying, they’re both so damn gorgeous. It’s probably weird to watch your very recently ex boyfriend making out with the love of his life, but she doesn’t think many people would blame her. Until of course she remembers they’re on a public fucking street and they’re two very famous NHL rivals. She tugs at both of them. “Whoa hey, boys. Hate to ruin the moment but you probably shouldn’t be doing that right here.”
They pull back, Ilya glaring at her, Shane all dopily happy until they both seem to realize where they are and they untangle themselves looking somewhat horrified. After a quick glance around in which they gather no one has seen them though, they burst out laughing again and she joins in a second later.
What a weird fucking night.
Once they all calm down, Ilya turns to her with his hand out in front of him and a beautiful smile on his face. She’s never seen anything other than a smirk on his face. It’s nice. “Rose Landry. Am very sorry I hated you and stole your boyfriend.”
Rose laughs and bats his hand away, reaching up to give him a hug. “I think we’re past handshakes, Rozanov. And you can just call me Rose, full naming me is a bit weird, dude.”
He laughs as they pull apart. “Okay. If you call me Ilya. We swap stories about this one.” He gestures to Shane who was looking very soft until he heard that and groaned.
“Oh god, you two are going to be a nightmare aren’t you.”
Rose smiles wickedly. “Oh 100%.”
Ilya nods happily. “Absolutly, moya lubov.”