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Eddie was fine.
He reminded himself of this as he drove he and Buck back to L.A., slow and safe and staying firmly away from diners. Every inch of him ached, especially his arm, but time and pain meds would take care of that. He also had that all-too-familiar raw, broken glass feeling deep in his chest he always got in the aftermath of thinking Buck was dead. Or Buck actually being dead. Or...
No. He was fine. Buck was here next to him, quiet enough that he'd probably fallen asleep. He probably needed it, which was why it was okay he'd left Eddie alone with his thoughts. He'd wrestled these particular thoughts back into submission before, had fucking experience watching his torn-up heart remember how to forget again. He just had to get them both home, hug Christopher, and he'd focus on getting through tomorrow.
He was fine. He'd be fine.
He always—
"I'm sorry people kept thinking we were together." Buck's voice cut through the quiet. "You shouldn't have had to deal with that."
The words were so different than anything Eddie had been thinking or feeling that he could barely process them. "What?"
"You're straight, and you still nearly got hatecrimed at the diner." Buck sounded genuinely upset, as if this was anywhere near as bad as all the horrors he'd just been through. "And Athena said the Sherrif thought you'd hurt me because he assumed we were married and the spouse is always the first suspect. He could have checked that really easily but he didn't."
"I didn't care about that," Eddie tried to argue. But that wasn't quite right, was it? "I was just worried about you."
When Buck was on a tear, though, he wasn't about to be slowed down that easily. "But it made your life harder, and—"
"You were gone, Buck." The words burst out without Eddie meaning them to, the scraped glass feeling inside Eddie bleeding fresh at the memory.
He pulled off the road, turning off the car. Eddie could feel Buck staring at him, deathly silent, and Eddie kept his gaze fixed on the windshield so he wouldn't have to see Buck's face.
Eddie exhaled, the words coming out whether he wanted them to or not. "Literally nothing else mattered to me right then. And when Bonnie held the gun on me..." His heart ached like a fresh wound. "I thought you were really gone. It was just like the lightning strike. There was just this... this hole where you were supposed to be, and I..."
He sucked in a ragged breath. "And actually, I liked being married to you, because I was allowed to feel like that. Best friends get to be sad, but if I was your husband I would be allowed to feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Like there was a hole in me that was never, ever going to be right again, because you weren't there anymore. It hurts to breathe without you, Buck, and if I was your husband I could admit that and everyone would just understand."
He squeezed his eyes shut, emptied out of all the words he'd been so careful to never let himself say. "So don't apologize for people thinking we we're married, Buck. If I hadn't been so pissed off I'd have been happy about it."
Eddie knew he should start the car, and he would the second he could get his hands to stop shaking. After a long, silent moment, Buck spoke. "Can I say something?" he asked, voice rough with emotion.
Eddie knew Buck would be nice about it. He'd try so hard to be careful.
Even the thought of it exhausted Eddie. "I'd really rather you didn't."
There was another, brief moment of silence. "Okay, then."
Eddie barely had time to process the suddenly purposeful edge in Buck's voice before his hand smoothed against his jaw. He opened his eyes just as Buck's lips met his, and they immediately fluttered closed again in a kiss that felt like finding water in the desert. Like a question he hadn't realized he could ask.
When they broke apart, his arms were half around Buck and his hands were fisted in his fleece like he was afraid he'd move away again. Buck was very firmly not moving back, half hopeful and half afraid as his gaze locked with Eddie's. "So that was okay, then?" he managed, voice cracking.
Eddie stared into the eyes of one of the two most important people in his world, thinking about saying Buck's name like a prayer. Thinking about his abuela, telling him he was looking in the wrong place.
He thought about really being married to Buck, about finally doing it right with the one person who'd always had his back. About not only being able to admit everything he was feeling, but celebrating it.
He grinned, exhilarated. "You know, I think you've found a really good way to win arguments."
Buck grinned back at that, face lit like the sun as he leaned in for another kiss.