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Kylo’s wife had the best boobs. They were small, but their nipples always poked up really nice for him. And they always looked their best when they were bouncing in his face—like right now. Because Rey was riding him like a podracer, her boobs jumping like boing, boing, boing. Her sloppy cunt was sliding up and down his cock and making him feel really good.
You’d think the Supreme Leader would prefer to be on top, but you haven’t seen his Madam Supreme Leader in the buff. The view from down here was great, and he loved keeping a hold of her hips to make sure she kept slamming down on his cock as deep as she could get him. Funny, the Dark side didn’t really teach how powerful taking the lower position could feel. Kylo had discovered it the hard way.
”Who’s a bad Supreme Leader?” Rey said, giving him those sassy bedroom eyes of hers.
”Meeee,” he moaned. He was so close. His pecker felt so good and wanted to come so bad.
This was the life, and life was good. Just him and his Madam Supreme Leader, ruling the galaxy together in public and getting spicy together in private.
Thank goodness they weren’t getting bogged down by pets or anything, and could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted.
Her walls gripped him harder, getting him right to the edge. “Yeah, take it!” she panted. “Take it like my good boy.”
”Yes, ma’am! Please, ma’am!” Eeep, it was coming! He was almost there. “Please, pretty please, pretty—“
”Madam Supreme Leader!”
Kylo almost screamed when Hux’s voice came over the emergency comm. He wanted to shoot the thing with Force lightning, but Rey spoke up and said, “What is it, Hux?”
”The packages have been delivered! Repeat: the packages have been delivered!”
”Whoop whoop!” she squealed. “Thanks, Hux! We’ll be right there.”
”Understood. Hux out.”
Rey started to scurry off Kylo, but he was like, ”But, but, but—but I was a good boy.“
Thank the Force, Rey took pity on him and grabbed his weiner with her hand. ”Okay, but we’ll have to make this quick.” She gave it a few quick yanks until he came all over the bed. It felt good, but he hadn’t had a chance to get her off.
”You can do that later,” she promised. “Let’s get going.”
Kylo groaned. Hux better be glad that Rey had ordered him to use the emergency comm to let her know when the packages were delivered, or he would be so blasted out an airlock before dinner.
🐱🐈
”They’re so cute!”
Kylo just stood by and let his queen inspect the merchandise. General Hux’s prized feline femme fatale, Millicent, was purring while her four new demon spawn made dozens of biscuits on her belly. Her boyfriend, Armi, was giving Kylo the evil eye.
What kind of cat name was Armi? Really, Hux named the cat after himself? Who does that?
The message the male cat was sending Kylo was loud and clear—Touch my family and these claws are gonna be digging into areas you’ll feel for weeks. While Kylo could respect that kind of protectiveness, he couldn’t help sticking his tongue out at the cat when nobody was watching.
He knew he never should’ve let Hux get a second cat. One was too many as it was. But Rey, being from Jakku, had a soft spot for underprivileged critters and let Hux bring another four-legged catastrophe onto the Supremacy.
Hux had a thing for tabby cats. Millicent was an orange one, but Armi was a black one. You could barely see his stripes. The kittens were a mixture of both. Kylo was already picturing the gallons of fleas that were probably on the way right about now.
Not that there were any fleas on the Supremacy, but mark his words, the little flea-magnets would find a way to make them materialize out of thin air, some way, somehow.
He could really use a chair right now, but there was no way he was sitting on one of Hux’s seats. Cat hair city. Kylo would just try to doze off standing up. Rey could wake him up whenever she was done drooling.
”Meow!”
Kylo cracked one eye open. That meow had sounded too close.
”Meow!”
There it was again.
He glanced down. An orange-and-black striped demon spawn was crawling towards him. Kind of. It was a newborn and its eyes were glued shut. So ‘walking’ was a bit of an exaggeration. But that didn’t make it any less freaky.
The creature was up to something. It was making a beeline for him. He stepped back, but it wouldn’t give up. It just kept squeaking at him, demanding his attention. He was being targeted; he just knew it.
And then it plopped down on his boot.
Why was it touching him? The audacity! He was the Supreme Leader. What did the imbecile think it was doing getting its filthy self all over his expensive, pristine shoe?
”Awwww, she likes you!”
Kriff, the little monster was clever. It already had Rey fooled by its ‘innocent’ act. But Kylo could always spot something diabolical when he saw it. Those adorable squeaks weren’t fooling him!
”How long do they have to be with their mother?” Rey asked Hux. Kylo didn’t like that question one bit.
”About eight weeks, Madam Supreme Leader.”
”Perfect!”
Perfect? . . . Perfect for what exactly?
🐱🐈
Two months later . . .
”Happy Birthday!”
Was it? Because Kylo was currently looking at a small, furry, orange-and-black bogeyman.
"What do you think?! She always walks to you when we visit the kittens, so I knew she was all yours.”
Kriff, now Rey was actually passing the fur-beast to him. It looked even smaller in his hands than it did in hers. He could swear it was smiling at him with those big yellow eyes.
And then it licked his thumb!
Ahhh, so that was its master plan. It was going to eat him. Probably in his sleep, when he was at his most vulnerable.
”Hux was good enough to send food, a litter box, a few dishes, and some cat toys. You should have everything you’ll need.”
Did that include a blaster so he could shoot himself in the head? The fur-fiend didn’t deserve the privilege.
”What are you gonna name her?”
Name her?
He was supposed to name his wannabe-executioner?
🐱🐈
”How about Sally?”
Kylo couldn’t answer. He was too busy keeping an eye on the fur-villain. It had been haunting their quarters for almost a week now. It was a bossy little thing that expected to be treated like a queen. Kylo had already been through too many masters in his life—his parents, his Uncle Luke, Snoke. He would not submit to a creature who could literally fit in his shoes.
Yes, literally. Kylo knew this because the nameless-wonder enjoyed sleeping in his shoes almost as much as its bed.
Presently, it was licking its paws, fresh from a feed. When it decided it was clean enough, it gave him one of its signature ‘smiles’.
”Meow!”
He just knew it was cursing at him every time it did that.
And now it was staring him dead in the eye as it made a poopy in its litter box. Did it have no sense of decency at all? It needed an audience while it took a dump and went wee-wee?
The next thing you know, it would be demanding to keep an eye on him while he was using his porcelain throne.
But that would never happen.
Kylo would make sure of it.
🐱🐈
It was literally watching him use his porcelain throne right now. Where the kriff had it even come from? How had it gotten into the‘fresher? Could it walk through walls? Could it turn into smoke and get through cracks? There weren’t supposed to be any cracks.
”Umm . . .” He waved his hand at it. “Shoo.”
It stared at him, giving him that dratted smile.
He stuck his chin up and put on his toughest Supreme Leader voice. “Leave now, or suffer the consequences!”
”Meow.”
It wasn’t moving, just patiently waiting. He groaned and finished doing his business, all the while under strong surveillance. This was unacceptable! He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Which part of that sentence didn’t the fur-gremlin understand?
When he was done, he lifted his furry adversary into his arms. “Okay, listen,” he said. “I know Hux may be a fan of your kind, but I’m not Hux. You might as well give it up right here, right now. You’ll never get away with—what are you doing?”
It was totally trying to kill him! He’d fallen straight into its trap. It was wrapping its arms around his neck, getting ready to strangle him.
But it must not be strong enough yet, because it just supported itself against his chest, keeping its arms around him.
Now’s your chance! Snap its neck, kriff it!
For some reason, he did not, in fact, snap its neck. He just personally carried it out of the ‘fresher. He’d decided to be merciful, this one time—for Rey’s sake, of course. But that didn’t stop him from giving his would-be strangler a stern talking to, to make sure it understood that it wouldn’t get away with its dastardly plans.
. . . And he was not struck dumb when it melted against him and purred.
🐱🐈
He wished Rey were here right now. Yeah, she had a few Order things to attend to, but she had no business expecting him to give the fur-savage treats unsupervised. What if it tried to bite his hand off? And what was the point anyway? He was expected to reward it for invading his home and plotting to destroy him?
”Meow!”
It slithered between his legs, expecting him to capitulate to its demands.
Do you think Rey would notice if the fishy treats accidentally ended up in the trash?
. . . Yes.
. . . Yes, she would.
The fur-viper might not have any authority over him, but his wife . . .
Sigh, might as well get it over with.
He knelt down and offered a smelly prize. The fur-titan took it right from him. Didn’t even bother to say thank you. Just chowed down.
It thought it was cute with the way it was innocently enjoying itself, its little whiskers twitching adorably. But Kylo was definitely not noticing. And then it ”meowed” at him again when it was finished, looking back and forth between him and the bag of treats.
Oh, it was a sharp one; he’d give it that. It knew what it was doing, trying to succor him into giving it more fishies.
And the fact that he was currently reaching into the bag to do exactly that was not evidence that the scheme was working. It’s just that Kylo knew that the best defense was a good offense. He would give it more treats so that it would let its guard down and he could figure out its next plan of attack.
The attack came in the form of happily butting its head against his knee when it finished eating. Kylo wasn’t sure what the point of that particular attack was, but he had no doubt that its sinister nature would manifest soon enough.
. . . And let it be known that his heart had not melted just a little.
. . . And that the head pat he was currently giving the pest meant nothing at all.
🐱🐈
Predator. It was a predator.
Kylo held his treasure aloft, refusing to cower. If the brute wanted its prey, it would have to pry it from Kylo’s dead hands.
And ohhh, it wanted it all right.
Its eyes were glued to the colorful feather thingy with perfect focus.
The time was at hand.
Better strike fast.
Ready . . .
Set . . .
Charge!
He swung the stick, making the colorful feather thingy fly. The fur-terror leaped, going on the attack. Kylo tossed the stick to-and-fro, trying to keep his prize out of his adversary’s paws. It jumped and swiped with its claws, locked on target. Kylo fought valiantly for victory, but soon the stick was lost to him, its feather thingy in the clutches of the striped fur-fright.
The fur-ogre rolled onto its back, ”meowing” at Kylo expectantly. For no reason in particular, he gave it a belly rub. It purred and arched into his touch. And he may or may not have switched from a rub to a full-on massage.
. . . Until he glanced up and caught his wife watching him with a grin on her face. “Have you named her yet?”
He cleared his throat and stood up, quickly straightening his black clothes . . . which may or may not have been covered in fur.
🐱🐈
”Ohh, Reyyyyy.”
That was what he tried to say. But his face was getting squashed by her vagina, so it sounded more like a gargle. She was on top of him again, and they were 69ing like no one’s business.
His rod was getting crammed down her throat. She’d gotten so good at choking on him. Her saliva was pooling at his crotch. It never took him long to come in this position.
Sure enough, he was a goner in no time. When he came, he gave a caw, moaning as he lapped her clit and got her off, too.
She sighed and spun around, cuddling with him under the covers.
”Meow.”
He froze. The furball was outside the door and wanting to get into the bedroom. Nope! Not happening. His bedroom was a no-go zone. He was just gonna stay right where he was and chill.
”Meow.”
He eyed the door.
Looked away.
Looked back.
No!
She—I mean it—was not getting in.
. . . And he definitely was not worried that something might be wrong and he should probably go check on it.
No, no, he was just relaxing. That’s all.
He was not going to check on the fur-baby . . . He was not going to check on the fur-baby . . . He was not—
”You can go check on her if you want.”
Well, if Rey insisted—
Except, before he had a chance to move, something fluffy was jumping onto the bed.
”How did you get in here?” Kylo asked, wanting to be surprised but not at all being surprised.
It just gave a big yawn and curled up on top of the covers, across his chest. Rey chuckled and let her eyes fall shut.
. . . And Kylo may or may not have scratched a furry chin and rubbed a furry head before drifting off to sleep with a furry weight on his chest.
🐱🐈
”Don’t open that door. Hey, don’t open that door! Don’t—“
Kylo threw his arms in the air when the idiot onscreen opened the door and a big, scary ghost popped out. “See? I told you not to open it.”
He sighed and stuffed his face with a handful of popcorn. Then he grabbed a few extra kernels and passed them to his movie buddy sitting across his lap.
”They never listen,” he said as the idiot onscreen got chased around by the ghost. “Never open doors, alone, in the dark, in a haunted house, at 12 a.m.”
”Meow.”
”Exactly! And now just watch—the guy’s gonna fall down the staircase and die.”
The ghost made an extra-loud boo and the idiot fell down the stairs and broke his neck.
”See? I told you. They never learn.”
”Meow!”
”Right, you tell him!”
🐱🐈
”You all understand your orders?” Kylo asked, glaring his Knights down. “This mission is critical.”
”Yes, Supreme Leader!” said Trudgen. “The planet will be ours in under 24 hours. We will not fail you.”
”Good!” He reached up and scratched the striped, furry neck pillow wrapped around the back of his neck. “Miss Kylie will not be happy if you fail. And if Miss Kylie isn’t happy, no one will be.”
”Of course, Supreme Leader!” said all the Knights at the same time.
”Dismissed!”
Once the Knights had cleared out, Kylo turned and strode away, ignoring Rey’s and Hux’s smirks as they walked with him. Miss Kylie happily rode the back of his neck, taking a beef treat he pulled out of his pants pocket to sneak her.
. . . And yes, her name was Miss Kylie. Miss Kylie Ren, to be exact.
. . . And yes, Kylie sounded a lot like Kylo, but she just looked like a Kylie; that’s all.
🐱🐈
”An unfortunate report has reached me,” Kylo growled from his throne, staring daggers at the stormtrooper cowering before him.
”Wh-what report, S-Supreme Leader?”
”A report that, this evening at dinner, you were overheard saying that your Supreme Feline is, and I quote, ‘just a cat’. Is that true?”
”It, uhh, it . . . Well, it—“
The trooper gagged and got blue in the face when he found himself in an invisible Force-choke. Kylo was pretty sure the guy’s name was JB-007, or something like that. He’d hated the guy for a long time now, because this was the stormtrooper who was responsible for Rey’s escape from her chair that one time. For Rey’s sake, Kylo had been merciful when he’d risen as Supreme Leader.
. . . But this time, 007 had gone too far.
Kylo stroked Miss Kylie’s back with his free hand as she was just comfortably lying across his lap. Her lightsaber-red collar stuck out perfectly against her orange-and-black fur. She purred, letting him pet her like a villain in a spy movie and joining him in staring down the offender.
Kylo released 007 just before the guy completely passed out. The stormtrooper coughed and sputtered, trying to get back on his feet.
”I trust it won’t happen again.”
”N-no, sir . . . No, sir, never!”
”Good. Now, come kiss Miss Kylie’s feet.”
Kylo picked up Miss Kylie and held her up so JB-007 could plant quick kisses on her back feet. Then he set Miss Kylie back down and told the trooper to get lost. The guy was out of there in a flash.
Rey giggled from her own throne and swayed over to Kylo. She picked up his coffee mug sitting on his table and curled up with Miss Kylie in his lap. She passed him his mug and he took a big drink, the words Galaxy’s Best Cat Daddy on display across the front of the mug.
”Millicent is pregnant again,” said Rey.
Kylo looked at her and smiled. “Time to start thinking up names.”