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Sometimes Kirk wonders if the Spocks would be the same in bed--assuming Regular Spock isn't going to spend the rest of his life as a logical, occassionally scary-angry nun.
Kirk doesn't have Uhura's patience. There are plenty of humanoids willing to sleep with James T. Kirk, even if they don't want anything to do with him as a person.
McCoy's probably got the patience, even though Kirk doesn't know why the hell he thinks that. Still, for whatever reason, Kirk can just see Bones giving somebody that warm smile and murmuring suggestions in their ear with that accent really starting to come out.
"Don't you worry about a thing," McCoy'd practically purr, "you are in very good hands."
It's enough to make Kirk wish he could pass himself off as a shy virgin--Bones would probably rupture a lung laughing at him--just for the good doctor to give him a slow, careful, instructional fuck.
For some reason he could imagine Bones really being into hands and fingers--kissing, sucking, nibbling. Way into it, but Kirk could definitely see the appeal.
***
"Emotions are a human burden," says Spock.
"Well, I'm completely god damned human, and I've never tried to crush anyone's windpipe!"
Sometimes Kirk wonders if McCoy's just as suicidal as he is.
Spock's eye twitch is back, but the rest of his face is in Vulcan neutral. "Both of our species have had their savage periods," says Spock. "It is unfortunate yours has not yet moved past that stage."
"And what did you lose when you left your 'savage phase', Mr. Spock?" asks McCoy. "Compassion? Basic human decency?"
Even though his best friend's about to be killed by a Vulcan Brain Melt, all Kirk can think about is how angry sex with McCoy is probably amazing. He can easily imagine deliberately egging Bones on--which is pretty easy when you know him--and then just fucking the hell out of him.
"I have far more important things to attend to than a discussion of the human concept of decency," says Spock.
"Green blooded hobgoblin," McCoy mutters and watches him leave with this incredible look of loathing.
Kirk doesn't know why that seems kind of weird this time.
***
Okay, Kirk isn't really thinking about sex more than he usually does, but maybe he's been thinking about sex with McCoy a lot.
It's either the best idea he's ever had or the worst--it's not a sure thing, and Kirk doesn't want to fuck up what he's got. And there's a very good chance he's going to fuck it up, and McCoy'll drop out of the universe--everybody Kirk gets involved with does eventually, and McCoy left the solar system to get away from his ex-wife.
Kirk needs McCoy there more than he needs him, so he settles for thinking about it. A lot.
When he jerks off now, that's pretty much all he thinks about. He thinks about his hand wrapped around McCoy's cock, stroking him slowly like his hand's got to savor every god damned inch--while McCoy calls him a son of a bitch and pleads with him for more.
He imagines frantic, telling him to never take a stupid chance like that again sex (although they both know he's going to)
And sometimes Kirk's brain just comes up with completely insane shit, like they're in some kind of Klingon ice prison, and they're fucking just to keep warm (and because Klingon ice prison sucks). He can't picture that one as clearly, like it's a story somebody else told him. But it's all stuff in his head, right?
Or there's Romans and TV, and they fool around a bit because they're worried about him, and it's either that or just yell at each other. That one's not as hot as it could be. Kirk's a bit disappointed with his imagination that he can come up with Roman Space Jail, and they're in sweatpants, and they just kind of make out for awhile. And why the hell is he worried about himself when he's trying to jerk off?
And then one night he's imagining Bones in his lap--and his imagination was never this clear and vivid until he started seriously fantasizing about fucking McCoy. Bones is kissing him like his life depends on it and moaning in his ear, "I can't believe I actually missed you."
And he can literally feel how much Bones loves him from Bones' hand on the back of his neck and their lips pressed together, and maybe he's not really sure who Bones is (well, whatever, that's kind of hot. Kirk can work with that.)
And then he can feel Bones is actually crying, and apparently Kirk was dead for awhile. Now that is weird, but obviously he got better, and they're going to have incredible resurrection sex.
Because Kirk's brain hates him, Bones hesitates slightly and forces himself to slow down. He kisses Kirk's palm, and he acts like they've never done this before, but he talks like they have. He takes off his shirt and guides Kirk's hands and offers up his neck, shoulders, and chest to Kirk's mouth. He says things like, "It used to drive me wild when you'd do that" and "There's somebody else who just melts when you do that--remember?" (And Kirk does and doesn't at the same time. It's someone important, but he can't remember their name.)
And the one advantage to just imagining this instead of doing it is that he can fast forward to Bones on the bed, completely naked. He's still got all his clothes on, and Bones sucks his fingers for not fucking long enough. Bones puts one ankle on his shoulder and brings his slick fingers inside him.
Kirk goes back and forth--he's finger fucking McCoy, and his hand around his own dick is Bones. And the good doctor moans softly and his hips buck, and he's begging Kirk to remember something. And he must've remembered because Bones gasps, and Kirk doesn't even expect it when he comes--alone--in his own hand. In his own quarters on the Enterprise instead of somewhere on Vulcan.
Okay, that's just fucking morbid.
***
He's on the bridge when he remembers that somebody important is dead. He can't remember who it is, but it's absolutely devastating. It's the worst thing he's ever felt--like that kind of despair echo when Old Spock showed him the destruction of Vulcan--and all Kirk can do is bury his face in his hands and sob.
Behind him he can hear Uhura calling Dr. McCoy to the bridge--"immediately"--and he's impressed that she knows McCoy is exactly who he needs right now.
Part of him still knows it's because McCoy is Chief Medical Officer, and the rest of the bridge crew thinks the captain has just lost his fucking marbles.
"Jim," McCoy says, and for some reason that makes him feel even worse. "It's going to be all right," McCoy says softly and rubs his back. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
McCoy helps him up, and Kirk just sobs into his shoulder. He doesn't even care that he's on the bridge, clinging to one of his officers--he feels completely overwhelmed by how sad he is, and he can't even figure out why.
"We've got to go, Jim," says McCoy. His voice is much more tender than Kirk would've expected if he'd ever expected to be completely overcome by grief. On the bridge.
He'd feel better--if that was even possible--if Bones was irritated with him because at least that would be normal.
As he stumbles to the turbolift, McCoy basically holding him up and saying useless helpful phrases in his ear, he sees Spock giving him this look.
"It's going to be fine, Jim," McCoy says as the doors slide shut. "What's wrong?"
"He's dead," Kirk says. He doesn't understand how McCoy doesn't know. He looks too young, but he looks the way he always looks.
"Who's dead?"
"I don't remember." That doesn't make sense, but there's somebody important--he just can't remember his name right now. It's somebody more important to him than Bones, and he feels kind of bad about that because he's pretty sure the doctor knows.
That doesn't make any fucking sense.
And it doesn't make any sense that Bones doesn't know what he's talking about. Or that he doesn't seem to feel anything. "What's wrong with you?" It makes absolutely no sense that he's a complete wreck, and the doctor's impersonating a Vulcan. "He's dead!"
"Nobody's dead, Jim." McCoy holds him, and Kirk's crying again. He feels like he can't breathe. McCoy's fingers are pressed against his neck, checking his pulse, and this isn't how it's supposed to happen.
Kirk should have some fucking self control at this point in his life, and right now they need each other. And it's not like they have anything else to worry about this time, so after this funeral they won't even be able to fight about how to save the ship.
After this funeral, Bones'll find him, and they'll find somewhere to go. They don't have anything to argue about--maybe they can blame themselves because if they'd been there, he'd still be alive. And since they don't have anything to fight about, they'll go to bed together. Even though they'll both be thinking about him.
And when Bones tells him they should've gone, that he told them about the dying alone thing (just like Kirk. Maybe that's why they were so close), Kirk'll tell him to shut up. And Bones'll insult him and say he can't feel anything, and it'll be just like it used to be.
Kirk doesn't think he can wait until after the funeral. Bones is right here, and Kirk doesn't want to be alone right now.
He must've said something because McCoy says, "I'm right here, Jim," and that sounds familiar and right. "But I need you to calm down."
"Doctor..."
"Do you know who I am, Jim?"
"You're the ship's doctor."
"Do you remember who I am?"
Kirk wants to laugh--Bones has been nagging him about what he does and doesn't remember lately. Or maybe that's just in his head. "Dr. McCoy."
McCoy's arms tighten around him. "I'm alive, Jim. I'm right here."
"I know, Bones. But...it was always the three of us."
"Jim boy, there might be people who could put up with one of us," McCoy says, and Kirk can hear him smiling, "but there's nobody in the universe who could stand us both at the same time."
"Not anymore."
"You've got to calm down, Jim boy," McCoy says and strokes his hair. "If you can't calm yourself down, I'm going to have to sedate you." He moves his hand back to the turbolift control.
Kirk pulls his hand away and kisses him. McCoy makes a small, pleased sound but tilts his head away. "Not now, Jim. You're not well."
"Bones--"
"We're going to make a little visit to sick bay, and I'm going to figure out what's going on with you."
"But--"
"I'm not going to take advantage of you, Jim Boy. And I will knock you out here and get security to drag your ass if I have to."
The turbolift doors open, and McCoy leads him down the hall.
***
Kirk dreams they're stuck somewhere. There's a cave, and he's angry and horny. It's kind of like being fifteen again, except McCoy is there. And the whole "trapped in a cave" thing.
McCoy hasn't been well--he probably still isn't well enough, but he just keeps bugging the hell out of Kirk, and he's got to be doing it deliberately.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" McCoy asks in a rough whisper when Kirk pins his shoulders to the bed.
Kirk kisses him savagely. He reaches under McCoy's shirt and twists one of his nipples, making McCoy moan in his mouth. Kirk keeps kissing him and climbs on top of him.
He shouldn't be doing this--there's Zarabeth, and McCoy isn't in good enough shape right now. He should be resting, and Kirk knows he should be more concerned, but at the same time he wants to hurt him. Wear him out so he can't try to take his woman away. Remind him who's stronger.
McCoy grabs his ass and pulls him in, grinding against him. Kirk can't stop himself from groaning as his dick rubs against McCoy's. He sees the doctor's smug look--he's going to make him pay for that.
He wants him now, and there's no logic in waiting. He gets McCoy's shirt off with one hand and unfastens his pants with the other. He pulls out his own cock and gives McCoy a chance to get a good look at it before he peels off the rest of the doctor's clothes.
Kirk flips him onto his stomach and lines himself up.
"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" McCoy asks.
He wraps an arm around McCoy's waist and yanks him onto his hands and knees. "What did I tell you about that?" Kirk asks.
The medkit's close by, and he finds something he can use. He lubes his dick and pushes into McCoy.
The doctor's tenser than usual. Kirk's got just enough self control left not to rip him apart. His hand slides easily up and down McCoy's cock, but every so often he loosens his fingers and waits.
"You son of a bitch," McCoy says. He already sounds tired.
Kirk tells him he's going to have to improve his attitude. He almost wants McCoy to fight him--or tell him he's not interested in the game today--but McCoy moans in the back of his throat on Kirk's next thrust and says, "Please don't stop."
Kirk strokes McCoy slower and lighter than he fucks him. That takes some concentration, but it's worth it once McCoy's saying his name in a pleading voice that's always just about to slip into angry. He fucks him harder and faster, and he can hear McCoy bite back a curse as he takes his hand away.
He pulls out just before he comes and covers McCoy's back. He keeps one arm tight around McCoy's waist and knocks a hand away when he moves to finish himself.
"I'm curious to know how you justify this with logic," says McCoy.
"Do you feel unsatisfied, doctor?" He grips McCoy's right wrist and moves around him.
McCoy gives him a dirty look. "You could say that."
"Do a satisfactory job, and that will change."
McCoy takes the hint. He takes Kirk's hand and licks his index finger. He strokes the space between Kirk's fingers with his tongue before kissing down to the center of his palm and sucking at the small wrinkles of skin near his thumb. (And because it's a dream, Kirk sighs like he's having his dick sucked)
He strokes McCoy again, still too slowly because he knows the doctor's absolutely desperate to get off. Every time McCoy starts to thrust against his hand, he stops completely.
"I have more patience that you do," Kirk reminds him. McCoy sucks his fingers, and Kirk starts to forget about patience.
Kirk wakes up in sick bay, relieved that it's not completely like being fifteen again.
He can hear Spock and Bones talking about him, and that seems normal instead of kind of unusual.
"...do not understand human emotions," Spock is saying, "but I have never seen a human being in such a state before."
"It happens," says McCoy. "But that came out of nowhere. And he couldn't even tell me why--kept saying someone was dead."
"Is there..."
"I don't really know about his family. At least not more than everybody who took Recent Starfleet History. And he said it was a friend of ours."
"You cannot think of anyone?"
"Not this recently. I can't think of anybody who'd make Jim just...fall apart like that."
"Not even yourself, doctor?"
"It's just not like him. He'd either get through the rest of the shift or beg off and come looking for the brandy."
"Unfortunately the only explanation I can think of is highly illogical."
"Well, that's real damn helpful. I'm going to go see if I can actually do anything."
"I'm sorry," Kirk says as soon as McCoy comes in.
"Forget it, Jim," says McCoy. "I said I'd take care of you, didn't I?"
"No, I mean about Sarpeidon."
"Jim--"
"But I'm completely fine now," says Kirk.
***
And Kirk is fine--it's everybody else who keeps getting older or younger (except Spock who doesn't seem to fit in at all, and the other guy Kirk can never quite remember for some reason. Maybe that's why Bones is always on him about his memory.)
He'll be in Spock's quarters with Bones underneath him--they do it in Spock's quarters all the time, which is kind of hot. Bones is probably getting off on how much it'll piss off Spock--because they're in Spock's bed, and Kirk is so close--
And then he's on the bridge, and Sulu's asking him something.
***
They're out in the woods, somewhere on Earth. It's the three of them again, and the other guy's climbing some rock.
It'd bother Kirk that he still doesn't know who the fuck Other Guy is, but McCoy's wondering aloud what they're going to do with themselves, and he's moving closer and closer to Kirk as he wonders.
McCoy kisses him like they've got all the time in the world--
--and then Spock's staring at him from the other side of the chessboard. "Is there something wrong, captain?"
Something is very wrong--he's supposed to be in Montana or wherever, about to have sex with Bones. And then maybe he's going to climb a mountain.
"No," says Kirk. "Just thinking about my next move."
Spock looks at the board, then at Kirk.
Kirk grabs a piece--a queen--and moves it two squares over. "He's calling me something else," he says.
Spock raises an eyebrow as he takes Kirk's queen with a pawn.
What the hell has he been calling me? Kirk wonders. Bones has been calling him something--he snarls it, sighs it, spits it, but Kirk realizes it's not actually his name.
***
It's the three of them again, with Bones in the middle. Kirk's trying not to care who Other Guy is, when he looks over Bones' shoulder and sees himself grinning back.
If anything, he's just surprised he didn't think of it sooner. Both of them are leaning over Bones, and Kirk's tongue is in his own mouth. Bones is muttering something about being ignored, but Kirk's just as good a kisser as he always assumed and--
--and he's back in sick bay with Spock pressing his fingers against his forehead.
Spock's in and then he's very quickly out again, and Kirk has never seen a Vulcan come so close to grimacing.
"Captain, you have acquired someone else's memories from a mind meld," says Spock. "I would rather not know who--"
"The other you," says Kirk. "Can you know about him or--"
"Yes, I am aware of his existence," says Spock. "Although I had no desire to know this much about it."
Kirk grins. "Hey, if it worked for one of you..."
"Captain, I would not engage in such activities with Dr. McCoy even if my life depended on it," says Spock.
"That's a bit melodramatic for a Vulcan," says Kirk. "You know, I think there was one like that."
Spock brings his hands back to Kirk's face. "I will attempt to remove the memories on my own," he says. "I do not wish to get...myself involved."
"Spock, this is exactly the sort of thing you should give him shit for," says Kirk. "You are going to grow up to be one kinky--"
"I would like to remind you you do not need to be conscious for this to work."
He's not conscious for much longer.
Kirk wakes up to McCoy scanning him. "Bones?"
"Looks like there might be something to this Vulcan brain surgery," says McCoy. "How you feeling?"
"I don't know," says Kirk. "How much did Spock tell you?"
"He said it was nothing I needed to concern myself with," says McCoy.
"I do not think you would be able to understand it," Spock says from the doorway.
"You know that other universe?" asks Kirk.
"Captain, I would really prefer it if--"
"Apparently that's the one where you and--"
"--this remained--"
"--Spock have lots of sex," says Kirk. "I got like decades of it." He taps the side of his forehead. "In here. From the other Spock."
"You're right," says McCoy. "It isn't something I can understand."
"The memories have been removed," says Spock. "And it would be better if you did not think about it too much."
"But you didn't take out my memories of your memories," says Kirk. "Seriously, Bones, Spock is so good in bed, I thought it was me."
Bones rolls his eyes. "At least you're back to normal."
***
Kirk is fine for real this time. When he thinks about Bones, he can tell the difference between what's actually happening and what will happened to Old Spock a hundred years ago/ten years from now (time travel sucks).
Bones doesn't bring it up. Normally Kirk would appreciate this--some people would get pissed off about their friends using their alternative reality sex life as in-brain porn. Bones just puts it in the Vault and acts like it was just another one of those weird viruses. Kirk was sick, and now he's healthy again, so who cares?
"Is that all you're going to eat?" asks Kirk.
"This isn't eating," says McCoy. "This is choking down as much of this reconstituted shit as I can--did you steal my muffin?"
Kirk swallows. "No. I don't think you're eating enough."
McCoy looks at Kirk's tray then way too critically at him. "Salads."
"Huh?"
"I thought we talked about a better diet for you," says McCoy. "You keep gorging yourself on this neon styrofoam and--"
Kirk tunes him out. He tries not to think about how scrawny Bones is going to get, especially since it's years away. And at least he didn't really have to see what he'd look like at eighty.
***
Normally he'd appreciate Bones ignoring the whole "in-brain porn" thing, but Kirk's still got memories of Old Spock's memories.
If the McCoy from Old Spock's universe ever shows up, Kirk'll probably make a pass at him.
And Kirk thinks about that, and he thinks about the fact that Bones right now is younger than any of Old Spock's memories. It would be a wasted opportunity not to fuck him while he's still in his thirties.
But there's a chance Bones isn't just letting it go for Kirk's sake. Maybe he really just does want to forget about it.
If Kirk has another crazy breakdown, he can't think of a whole lot of people who'd be willing to try to talk him down. Chapel might fake it long enough to get him with a sedative, and Spock'd probably just do that neck thing. He doesn't know how he feels about the fact that Bones might've done that for anybody who's turned into a patient, so he tries to tell himself that Bones kind of hates people.
***
He starts to notice Spock watching McCoy. It's subtle as hell and still extremely Vulcan, but Kirk's always been good at reading people, and he's very familiar with longing looks. He sees them directed at him like all the time.
Sometimes he sees Spock glance at McCoy's neck. By human standards it's nothing; by Vulcan standards it's probably leering. And these days Kirk and both Spocks know the way McCoy tilts his head and sighs when you kiss his neck.
Kirk just happens to make eye contact with Uhura. He doesn't know how much she knows about this whole "Spock and McCoy used to are going to fuck (in another universe)" thing, but her lips tighten. She knows something.
***
They're beaming down to a place where the tables aren't bolted to the floor, and there's food. Actual, constituted food in actual food shapes that tastes like food.
Spock's been trying to pretend he can't tell the difference between boiled legos and a real meal. After Bones finishes a description of his last actual meal that's basically like porn, Spock almost rolls his eyes and says, "You, doctor, are a sensualist."
McCoy looks him up and down and says, "You bet your pointed ears I am."
Spock actually turns a bit green. Kirk thinks he might even be flustered.
He looks at Uhura and figures her scowl is probably about the same as his own. And it makes Kirk feel kind of pathetic since at least she's sleeping with one of them.
Travers is everything Starfleet rumor promised, and Kirk, like almost every other human from the Enterprise, eats like a Klingon. Sensualist or not, McCoy eats like he's afraid someone will rat him out to his dear old Georgian grandma if he doesn't remember his manners, and Spock's a Vulcan.
The girls serving them are probably pretty good looking or at least McCoy flirts with them as if they are. Normally Kirk would pay more attention, but there's potatoes that actually came out of the ground and real butter.
So Bones flirting with Spock--if that was even flirting--was probably just part of his terminal case of Rhett Butler's Disease. When he's actually in a good mood or there's girls around, out comes the Old Country Doctor bullshit.
And Spock doesn't know about the Old Country Doctor bullshit, so that's why he watches when McCoy--who's been drinking as much as Scotty--takes one of the girl's hands and kisses it. In an old timey way, not the way Spock, Spock, and Kirk remember.
The girl laughs and blushes a little bit because she's flattered (and because she knows somebody who does something that old and corny is basically harmless). She's got absolutely no idea she just got to Vulcan second base.
Spock's got this look on his face like...well, okay, it's pretty much the same look he's always got, so Kirk doesn't actually know what he's thinking. Still, the fact that he's looking at all means something, and nearly all of those memories involve Spock's fingers in McCoy's mouth.
Even Bones probably doesn't think anything of it--he's talking to the girl, and she's telling him where she's from, and it's not like Bones has actually seen himself and Old Spock.
And maybe Spock didn't actually notice notice. Maybe he's just keeping track of how illogical they're all being so he can bitch about it later.
Still, this is probably when Kirk decides.
***
Kirk nurses his drink. They're drinking because he thinks it might help, and he's drinking slowly because he doesn't want Bones to have any excuse. And because Kirk doesn't believe in no-win scenarios, they're drinking in his quarters so nobody has a chance to change his mind on the way to somewhere more private.
He hates that he's actually kind of nervous. He really hates that he's been watching Spock and Bones together--which isn't even a lot to watch--and wondering if everything means they're about to jump in the sack.
It's not even the sex he's worried about. Kirk knows it's completely possible to screw somebody you can't stand, and you rarely like them any better after the sex. It's the little hints that Old Spock and Other McCoy weren't enemies who had awesome sex--they were friends who fought all the damn time. Old Spock never even mentioned him, and there's decades of screwing and all kinds of casual references to saving each other's lives. So now Kirk's got to wonder why he got the "you and that asshole who left you to freeze to death are supposed to be great friends" speech without being told it was supposed to be the three of them.
"Something wrong, Jim?" asks McCoy.
"Everything's fine," Kirk says. "You know, I'm in my right mind now."
McCoy snorts. "You?"
Kirk gets up and walks to McCoy's side of the table. "I'm not even buzzed," he says.
"Now that's unfortunate." McCoy looks up at him. "You've got some catching up to do, Jim."
Kirk leans in and kisses him. Maybe it's the brandy or the fact that Kirk's not crying hysterically this time, but McCoy kisses him back. He puts his hands on Kirk's hips and pulls him in before stopping and asking, "You sure about this?"
Which is a completely unfair question because Kirk knows you can't just say "No, but I wanted to get here before Spock." Since it's McCoy, bringing up Spock at all would probably be a mistake.
"Yes," says Kirk.
McCoy smirks and pulls him onto his lap. "I can't tell if you're the worst god damned liar I've ever met or one of the best," he says. "Right now I'm leaning towards worst." He kisses Kirk, roughly this time and with his hand gripping Kirk's hair just hard enough to hurt a bit. "But you just let me know if you change your mind, Jim boy," he says in his ear.
They don't even make it to the bed--Kirk's too impatient long before he ends up on his knees with McCoy's dick in his mouth, and the good doctor practically purring instructions above him.
"Just like that, darlin," and Kirk's ready to take care of himself while he sucks off McCoy. If he had hands like a Vulcan, he'd be holding them out to Bones now.
"Bones, let's--"
"I like you right where you are, Jim boy," says McCoy. "You keep doing a good job, and everything's going to be just fine."
"And if I don't?"
McCoy grabs him by the hair again. "I'll tan your goddamn hide."
Kirk's harder than ever, and he's got McCoy in his mouth again before he even thinks about calling his bluff.
"You've got hands, don't you?"
Kirk keeps his eyes on McCoy as he sucks him and strokes himself. The good doctor's smug look is as hot as his threats, and Kirk doesn't even care that this isn't quite the way Spock remembered it.
Kirk swallows--doctor's orders--and McCoy slides onto the floor next to him. He moves Kirk's hand away and replaces it with his own, kissing and stroking him to his own orgasm. He presses his face against McCoy's neck and shoulder, and McCoy puts an arm around him.
"Where the fuck did that come from?" Kirk asks when he can speak again. "You never--"
"I think you're confusing me with somebody else," says McCoy.
Kirk's afraid he's fucked things up in record time, but Bones just gives him a weird smile and says, "Forget it, Jim."