Chapter Text
Today's story begins with:
Somewhere between Heaven and Hell, someone had misplaced Jesus again, which was becoming a pattern.
Strangely enough, the Supreme Archangel Aziraphale didn't seem particularly upset-- indeed, a careful observer may have noticed that despite his concerned words, his eyes betrayed an extra glint of something that had been missing of late.
"Have you looked under the sofa cushions?" he enquired politely. "Oh, I do beg your pardon; of course there are no cushions up here. Or sofas."
As angels frantically scoured every immaculately clean corner of Heaven, no one noticed the Supreme Archangel Aziraphale slowly inching his way towards the elevator.
"Aziraphale"
The Archangel jumped as someone said his name as the elevator doors opened.
Saraqael smiled and said, "Say hello to Muriel for me" before she moved away seemingly unbothered by their leader's sudden departure.
He stepped inside and when the elevator said “Doors closing. Going down,” he wondered how the Elevator always knew where he was going before he pushed the button.
“Excuse me, er Elevator,” he said tentatively looking all around the bare walls.
“Have you seen a young human recently, and if you did, was he going up? Or down? Or up up?” Aziraphale wondered vaguely why it smelled of pizza in here; in his 6 millennia old memory, the elevator had never smelled of anything before.
Maybe some residue of demon on his way up? However that must have been wishful thinking and by now masked by pizza. Oh, how he craved some freshly baked pizza with melted cheese on top.
That got him thinking of a memory a few years back. Him and Crowley were having hangover pizza in the back of the bookshop. Crowley had gotten a very satisfying, long cheese pull, it ended up so long–so when it snapped–it bounced its way back and slapped Crowley in the face.
A giggle escaped him. Fingers to lips, the motion reminded him of another memory not so long ago.
It could have been another joyful one. Aziraphale silently caressed a finger on his lower lip, thinking to himself that a sacrifice had to be made so that later he could make it up to Crowley for the rest of their lives.
And the do-over would certainly be a joyful memory because yes, there was going to be a do-over–he would make sure of it. But Jesus first.
The elevator doors opened with a swoosh as Aziraphale stepped out to an oddly altered Whickber Street. Find Jesus? Yes, of course...but first, he needed to find the source of the pizza odor, which seemed to emanate from an alley behind the bookshop.
As he made his way down the street, he could almost taste it–the exquisite taste that was yet to come. It would be nice to share such a nice meal with Crowley. Oh, perhaps after everything was sorted he could properly ask him out? Though perhaps a pizza place wouldn't be the perfect first date spot–it would have to be more romantic!
When Aziraphale reached the alley, he was surprised that he could smell the pizza at all, despite the stench coming from the sleeping demon next to it. Three rats were merrily feasting on the leftovers.
Well, this wouldn't do at all! A quick snap of his fingers, and an intense (if extremely localized) deluge washed the alley clean–pizza, rats, demon, and all.
"What the blazes?!" A very soggy demon staggered to his feet, yanked the glasses off that sat askew on his face, and squinted, trying to make sense of what he saw.
"Crowley, I-" Aziraphale started speaking but Crowley interrupted him. "Nice try, Shax, I'm not falling for that again! You can't even get the fit right!" The demon shook his fist and flopped back down.
Aziraphale paused, looking faintly affronted. "My dear, if I were Shax, I should at least take care to have impeccable tailoring."
He didn't like the implications of that "again".
Crowley lifted his head. "... Wait. You're real?" He put his dark glasses back on to see better.
Three very soggy rats interrupted them. “Squeak squee squeak,” said one of them angrily waving its paws around.
Crowley's attention snapped toward the interruptors. "Come again, Squiggy?" "Squeak squee!"
"Uh-huh."
"Squik squeek!"
"Oh, I say."
"Err..." Aziraphale frowned. "What're they saying?"
Crowley tilted his head. "They say someone matching a certain messiah-shaped description went that way... and they nicked the last slice."
"Squeak squee squeak"
"And they were mumbling something about ice cream..."
Outside the alley, on Whickber Street, there suddenly came a fanfare of French horns.
Aziraphale and Crowley strolled onto the street to see a bizarre yellow vehicle with a giant ice cream cone on top, which had a very familiar license plate. "Crowley!" Aziraphale cried, "what has happened to your car?!?"
Your car. The last time Aziraphale had mentioned the Bentley he'd called it our car. Crowley hadn't liked that very much back then. He kind of missed it now...
"Our car," Crowley said firmly. Aziraphale's grey-blue eyes filled with tears.
He nodded. "Our car, dearest."
Crowley's eyes felt moist. He sniffed. "I don't care what happened between us, Angel. May I kiss you again -- properly this time?"
"Oh, Crowley... I.. Yes." Aziraphale beamed. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "But we have to find Jesus first. And we don't have a lot of time, I'm afraid."
Just then, a familiar curly-haired brown face popped out of the driver's-side window of the ice-cream van. "Oh! Crawley, is that you?"
"Nina? What are you doing in my car?" Crowley tilted his head.
"I like what you've done with your hair."
"Mr Crowley, nice to see you again! Me & Maggie are off to find Jesus. You and Mr Fell can get back to whatever you were doing... no need to worry, we're on the case!" Nina gave a little honk and drove off... Teddy Bears Picnic playing softly in their wake.
"Well, that... was very unexpected." Aziraphale frowned. "Alright, so be it." He pulled the hem of his waistcoat. "Then I'm going back to heaven to help Muriel. The book of life is still missing after all."
"To hell with the Book of Life." Crowley turned to Aziraphale, cupped his cheeks with both hands, and drew them into a sweet, lingering, and fabulous kiss.
***
Several weeks later, when the dust had settled, as they were having afternoon tea with champagne at the Ritz, Aziraphale looked into his demon's eyes and repeated the words that had set off the most magical time of his life.
"To hell with the Book of Life"
They probably forgot to look for something important before going on their honeymoon, but who cares.
The server put down a plate of pizza in front of them. Huh. Everyone else had pizzas as well. They didn't know the Ritz gave out free pizzas...