Chapter Text
Returning to his quarters after pulling yet another double shift, Hux skidded to a halt at the sight of the red crate sitting in the middle of his receiving room. Circling it, he noted the First Order emblem on the front, as well as a delivery placard inscribed with his name above a medbay code.
He had missed his checkup appointment for the third time this afternoon, but construction on the new Starkiller had reached a crucial point and he'd seen no purpose in wasting an hour being poked and prodded by droids when he was in perfectly acceptable health. He'd deleted the reminders and ignored the message that came fifteen minutes after his appointment was supposed to start. Scrolling back, he opened it, eyebrows shooting up in surprise as he read.
General Hux,
The health of our commanding officers is imperative to ensure the First Order operates at peak efficiency. As you are unable to make time in your busy schedule to come to medbay you have been issued a Personal Healthcare Companion. It is capable of conducting examinations at all times and without disrupting your work. These units are extremely expensive, and you are asked not to activate this unit in the presence of Kylo Ren. To active this unit, simply say "Ow."
"Ow? This must be a joke."
He couldn't be so lucky. At his words a light flashed around the edges of the emblem on the crate and radiated outwards along the seam at top. The top folded back and the sides dropped away and a white, vaguely humanoid shape emerged, inflating as it rose.
"What the blazes?"
It waddled forward, coming to a halt a few paces in front of him. Hux blinked in surprise as it raised one puffy arm in a facsimile of a wave.
"Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. I have been assigned to see to your medical needs. I was alerted to your need for medical attention when you said 'ow'."
Hux felt his jaw working but no words came out. He couldn't ever remember finding himself in a situation more ridiculous.
"I don't need medical attention," he finally got out, closing his mouth with a snap afterwards.
"I will scan you now."
The ridiculously tiny head tilted to one side, bobbing up and down.
"Scan complete."
What, really? Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
"I am detecting elevated blood pressure, decreased cytokine levels and a slight weight gain since your last examination. Your physical appearance and irritability levels, combined with these physical factors, indicate lack of sufficient sleep. Your blood shows a deficiency in several key nutrients. I am prescribing a regimen of supplements and recommending you implement a regular sleep schedule." It stilled for an instant. "The cafeteria has been informed of your dietary requirements and a 'do not disturb' notice has been placed in your schedule for your sleeping shift. Your datapad will only forward urgent messages to you during this time period. Your dinner should arrive shortly."
"What?!?"
"We will continue with this routine for a week at which time I will conduct another examination to see if this meets your needs."
"This is unacceptable!" Hux poked at his datapad, but the lock that had been inserted wouldn't allow him to remove it. "I thought these examinations weren't supposed to disrupt my work!"
"You are in your quarters and your shift ended thirty seven minutes ago. There is no disruption."
"I still have messages to review."
"Your shift ended thirty seven minutes ago. Correction: thirty eight minutes ago."
A human would have voided their bladder in fear at the glare Hux unleashed but Baymax remained unaffected.
"You have been a good boy. Have a lollipop."
Where this giant inflatable marshmallow had stored the bright pink confection on a stick that he held out to Hux in his squishy appendage, Hux had no idea, and didn't really care to boot. Hoping to get this travesty over with, he snatched the candy from its hand.
"We will continue on this course for a week and I will conduct nightly scans to monitor any changes in your physical condition. If you are satisfied with your care I can deactivate."
"Satisfied?" Hux practically shrieked. "When you tell me this nonsense is going to last for a week? I am not bloody well satisfied."
"I cannot deactivate until you state you are satisfied with your care."
"So you'll just stand there staring at me unless I lie?"
"My scanners indicate elevated pulse and a spike in your adrenaline levels. I would advise a period of meditation before retiring to optimize your rest." It blinked at him. Why did it even have eyes. "If you are satisfied with your care I can deactivate."
Fuming, Hux gritted his teeth. "I am satisfied with my care." As he watched, the thing waddled back to its crate and deflated as the sides folded up, enclosing it back in its bright red casing.
"That's blackmail. From a droid. I am not going to deal with this thing again." Sending off a furious message to the medic listed on the inventory code, he tried again to access his inbox, but the restrictions the droid had put in place resisted all his attempts to override them. Just as he was considering pitching the pad across the room his door chimed, his dinner delivered just as promised.
"I'll have this thing removed in the morning," Hux muttered to himself as he accepted the tray from the droid. "I will not have my duties constrained by an overinflated squeaky toy." Yes, he’d have whoever was responsible transferred, have the crate spaced, and get on with his life.
“Am I satisfied with my care? Who programmed that thing anyways?”
At least he’d gotten his exam out of the way, so they wouldn’t bother him for another quarter. Digging into his dinner, he vowed to forget the whole experience.
The lollipop tasted like strawberries.
