Chapter Text
Hermione Granger
Today 17:12
Draco Malfoy
I thought we could get Italian. Does that sound good?
Hermione Granger
yes, and I just want to say, I’m so sorry if my fixation made you feel unsafe
Draco Malfoy
No worries, Granger. Everyone gets nerves I suppose
Hermione Granger
And I know there’s so many other things to talk about. Of course I know that
Draco Malfoy
Thank Merlin haha
Hermione Granger
Like how do you plan to drill?
Draco Malfoy
what
Hermione Granger
Hard or soft, Draco?
Draco Malfoy
Pardon
Hermione Granger
Or are you expecting we’ll be stripping?
Hermione Granger
I can’t unless it’s ethical
Draco Malfoy
We can discuss ethical stripping if it comes to that but I don’t think we need to
Hermione Granger
It matters, Draco. I know nothing about your goods right now, whether they’re partial or fully intact and it all matters…
Draco Malfoy
Okay do you even like me? Or is this all just a weird experiment to you Granger? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hermione Granger
What??
Hermione Granger
Honestly I feel like you’re just messing with me. You won’t tell me shit no matter how politely I ask
Draco Malfoy
HOW IS THIS POLITE?
Hermione Granger
You’re being secretive and hiding things from me
Hermione Granger
I don’t think you want me as a partner at all
Draco Malfoy
Granger I’m fucking over the moon about you
Draco Malfoy
And all you care about is my dick
Hermione Granger
…
Hermione Granger
…
Hermione Granger
What the everloving fuck are you talking about?
Draco Malfoy
You can’t be serious
Draco Malfoy
“I want to see your shaft”
Draco Malfoy
“How many veins”
Draco Malfoy
“Bring a sample”
Hermione Granger
You’re making it all sound like innuendo!
Draco Malfoy
Granger. What do you think we’re talking about?
Hermione Granger
Goyle told me you were starting a mining business…? Is that NOT what we’re talking about?
Draco Malfoy
He what?
Draco Malfoy
I’m going to kill him
Draco Malfoy
I’m trying to ask you out on a date
Hermione Granger
He asked what I thought of you….
Hermione Granger
Oh holy shit
Draco Malfoy
And then I
Draco Malfoy
I told him not to tell you. I don’t know how this is better
Hermione Granger
I’m mortified.
Draco Malfoy
I am so sorry, Granger. I should have been more clear. Can we start over?
Today 18:42
Draco Malfoy
Granger, where did you go?
Draco Malfoy
Are you alright?
Today 19:21
Draco Malfoy
At least you’re not actually asking for a sample of my swimmers?
Today 20:16
Draco Malfoy
Granger, do you hate me?
Draco Malfoy
I was just joking, it’s not your fault
Draco Malfoy
Or maybe you’re just revolted. Is that it? Merlin, you don’t want to date me at all, do you
Draco Malfoy
You’re mortified that I thought you’d said yes and now on top of it all you have to let me down easy
Draco Malfoy
It’s okay, I understand
Draco Malfoy
I’ll leave you alone
Today 21:43
Hermione Granger
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ghosted you. But how did no one SAY anything? Why were my texts SO poorly worded? Why was it believable that I’d be seeking a drawn map of your sperm?? And that’s all after I’ve essentially harassed you for dick pics???
Hermione Granger
I can never show my face again. I don’t know how you can still like me after this. This isn’t how I envisioned you finding out about my crush
Draco Malfoy
What crush?
Draco Malfoy
On me?
Draco Malfoy
Granger
Draco Malfoy
Granger
Hermione Granger
Hold on, someone just knocked…
Draco Malfoy
It’s me. Open up
Hermione Granger
HERE? NOW?
Draco Malfoy
We’re going to work this out and we’re going to date and be happy forever and then we’re going to go kill Goyle together
Hermione Granger
I just need to get dressed, one moment
Draco Malfoy
Incorrect
Draco Malfoy
Just open
Draco Malfoy
Please
Hermione Granger
Coming.
Hermione Granger
Today 11:40
Hermione Granger
I’m really excited for our date tonight. Does it count as a second date?
Draco Malfoy
It could! But I was thinking
Hermione Granger
Oh no, that’s never good
Draco Malfoy
I have a proposal for you
Draco Malfoy
A survey of sorts
Hermione Granger
Oh dear. And I assume you’ll be requiring my services?
Draco Malfoy
Rather the opposite. I was told I need to provide maps and diagrams of a unique topographical locale, you see.
Draco Malfoy
But I’m eager to explore
Hermione Granger
I’m intrigued. I accept your proposition
Hermione Granger
But only if there is stripping involved
Draco Malfoy
Ethical stripping, of course
Hermione Granger
Naturally
Draco Malfoy
As you wish, milady. I am your humble servant, as always… I exist to await your beck and call. I am to please
Hermione Granger
My not-so* humble partner, actually.
Hermione Granger
But that’s just how I like you
Draco Malfoy
Stop texting me. I can’t stop smiling every time your name pops up. Flanders just asked why I keep grinning at my crotch
Hermione Granger
Tell him you’re counting veins
Draco Malfoy
STOP
Draco Malfoy
see you tonight, Granger
Hermione Granger
Sincerely. I can’t wait