Chapter Text
A phone's ringing, and someone's nudging your shoulder.
Those two events might be connected.
You're going to keep your eyes shut and ignore them both.
Like fuck you are. Quit trying to play dead, motherfucker; it's not like I can answer your phone.
Okay, so apparently you're not allowed to ignore them. You open your eyes, see Kurloz leaning over you, and immediately close them again. "Jesus Christ, dude."
Don't act like you weren't expecting me.
"Look, you're not exactly the best fucking thing for a guy to see right when he wakes up. Can you fuckin' blame me?"
Yes.
"...fuck off."
He pushes something into your hand. Your phone, you're pretty sure. Deal with your kin.
"My—shit. D." Now, that gets you to sit up and fumble with the phone for a second, glancing at Kurloz as you hit the Accept Call button. "Where the fuck is this place, anyway?"
Pocket dimension. Scratch claimed it and started building his mansion here sometime before humans figured out how to get a handle on fire.
"Well, fuck. Wonder if I'm gonna get charged for a long-distance call."
Kurloz just shrugs and sits back on his heels, one hand coming up to feel at where Karkat ripped his stitches out as D starts talking in your ear. Or at least as the call connects and you hear what he's saying.
"—fucking pick up, fuck, Dave—fuckin' say something, kiddo, if you're there and not fucking dead you need to—"
"Yo, D."
"Oh thank god." He lets out a relieved breath, and you hear something thump on his end. Sounds like he just slammed his hand against the hood of the truck. "What was with that last call, man? Are you okay? Is Karkat still with you? What the hell's going on? Is—"
"Dude, stop for a second—I just woke up, I can't keep track of this shit." Fuck. Karkat. You almost panic before you glance the right way and see him sprawled on the floor a couple feet from you, apparently unconscious. He's breathing, anyway, and you can feel his presence in your mind, so you're going to assume he's okay. Hopefully.
"The fuck do you mean, you just woke up—"
"D."
"Yeah?"
"Either calm the fuck down or hand Dirk the goddamn phone."
"Dirk's running diagnostics on Hal right now; you're stuck with me. And I'm not calming down until you answer my fucking questions!"
Okay, that's fair. What were his questions again?
"Uh. Okay, Karkat's here but he's still out—I woke up before him for once, maybe 'cause Kurloz decided I was the one who needed to take this fucking call—"
He was asking for you, not Vantas. Seemed to be under the impression he was talking to you when I tried to answer that motherfucker.
"If you were on the phone with him, why the fuck did you wake me up?"
Kurloz just gives you an exasperated look and motions at his stitched mouth.
"...oh."
"Dave, what the fuck's going on?"
"You seem to think I have a fuckin' answer to that—"
You and Vantas killed a demigod.
"Uh, Kurloz says we killed a demigod."
There's a good thirty seconds of silence.
Then, "What the fuck?"
"Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
"As far as I can tell? I'm fine. Karkat's unconscious." You scoot over closer to the demon, putting one hand on his chest and letting your mind half-merge with his. He doesn't feel like he's been hurt. "I'm...pretty sure he'll be okay. I have no fucking clue where my sword went..."
Mortal weapons weren't meant to kill something like Scratch. It's motherfucking gone, kiddo.
"Damn. I liked that sword."
"I know some bladesmiths; we can go get you a new sword to make up for this shitty-ass birthday...where are you, anyway?"
What did Kurloz say? Oh, yeah. "Pocket dimension."
"...and you get cell service there."
"Again, do you really think I know what's going on—"
Karkat groans, his eyes half-opening.
"Whoops, hang on, D—consider yourself on hold for a minute."
"Hey, wait—"
Before he can finish protesting, you hand the phone off to Kurloz (ignoring the look he gives you) and lean over Karkat, offering him a smile as his eyes focus on you. "Hey, man."
"...hey." The smile you get back is more confused than anything, but you can feel the demon's rising worry drain away as you pull him up to lean on you. "Two questions."
"Hit me with 'em."
Karkat purrs as you wrap an arm around his shoulders. "Mmm. Are you okay?"
"Definitely. Need a new set of clothes. My sword's gone."
"The one you killed that basilisk with?"
"Yep."
"Well, fuck." He growls softly, shaking his head. "That's going to be fun to replace."
"Eh. It was worth it, I think."
"Oh?" He looks over at you, eyebrows raising a little. "Anyway. Question number two. What the fuck did we just do, Dave?"
"Kurloz says we killed a demigod."
"That bastard Scratch is a demigod?"
"I mean, he was, but yeah. You don't remember killing him?"
Karkat hesitates for a second, then shakes his head. "No. You flipped us, tangled us up until I couldn't tell myself from you. That's all I remember."
"Huh. Weird."
Not really. Demons were never meant to stand against that motherfucker; you rode him, used him as a tool, and only you keep the memory. Safer for him that way. Kurloz holds out the phone again. Take this thing.
Karkat eyes him for a moment. "Why the fuck are you still here again?"
I'm your ride home. The travel orbs won't bond with the new owner for a couple days at least. Take the phone.
"Wait, new owner?" you ask.
The Speaker huffs out a breath through his nose, eyes flaring brighter with irritation. Passage of ownership.
You can feel Karkat's understanding and surprise as he processes that. "Alright, one of y'all explain what that means."
"It's a magic thing," Karkat says slowly. "You know how some powers pass down through family lines? Yeah, well, this is another setup for that shit—it's more for items owned, property, than it is for powers themselves. Almost nobody uses this setup anymore, because ownership only passes to whoever kills the last fucking owner. Gives everybody an excuse to try to kill whoever holds the current title."
"So...we own this fucking mansion?"
Precisely. And you're pretty fucking safe from any other motherfuckers who want to own it, mostly because nobody still knows it exists. Kurloz's mouth twists into a tiny smile. Well. Other than me.
"You planning on killing us, going after ownership of this place?" you ask him.
He shakes his head. Not unless you don't take your motherfucking phone back.
Karkat laughs as you roll your eyes and take the phone out of the Speaker's hand.
It takes ten minutes before you can calm D down enough for him to let you hang up so Kurloz can take you back. You go with one of the white cueball things in your pocket; the Speaker says you need to keep it on or near you for the next week or so.
Lightning and fire obscures your vision just like last time, but this time it's white where it was green. Before it even fades away, D more-or-less tackles you, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off your feet.
"Holy fucking shit, Dave—"
"D, you're gonna get blood on you—"
"Ask me if I care—"
Okay, fair enough. You quit worrying about that, for the moment at least, instead hugging him back and letting yourself grin. Opening your mind to Karkat so he can feel his fucking relieved you are to come back to your family—how happy you are right now—is almost automatic.
"You're going to smother him, D," Dirk points out. As soon as D lets you go, though, Dirk's grabbing you and pulling you into a hug of his own, just a little more gentle than D's. "You leave me outside again when shit's going down," he whispers in your ear, "I'm going to kill you, you know that?"
"I know, man, I know." And you do—you can feel Dirk's stress finally draining, as he pulls away. Even if he didn't have to see you die, he still had to handle not knowing what was happening, and he's sensitive enough to know when magic as major as raising the dead and teleportation's happening near him. "Is Hal okay?"
"Right here." The shikigami taps your shoulder, grinning at you when you pull back from Dirk. There's a bruise across his left temple, but he looks fine otherwise. "You're going to have to give me a play-by-play of what I missed, you know."
"Definitely."
As you step back and slip an arm around Karkat's waist, D asks, "Y'all ready to go home?"
Dirk and Hal nod, and you and Karkat answer in unison.
"Hell fucking yes."