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the toils and turmoils of love

Summary:

Zhou Zekai and Sun Xiang are the most hopelessly oblivious idiots on the planet.

Or, the steady decline of Jiang Botao’s sanity.

(please don't take title seriously)

Notes:

please make sure that you have creator’s style turned on so you can see the formatting of this fic! it takes place after s10. the timeline may not… make sense… but i tried. also, a big shoutout to my amazing beta alphera! thank you for all your help with this tangled mess of a fic

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Glory Forum > Conspiracy Theories

Trending posts:

#1: Zhou Zekai and Sun Xiang are dating, y’all See more…

Top comment:

@bananabreaddd holy shit THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE LEGIT?!

#2: sun xianf amd tsng hao arE IIN LVOE See more…

Top comment:

@theogzhouxiangshipper hey op, were you high when you wrote this?

#3: Ye Xiu and Su Mucheng are siblings!!! See more…

Top comment:

@lelefornumberone they have diff surnames tho…? but u might be on to smth there

#4: TEAM HAPPY IS A BOT EXPERIMENT BY THE GPA See more…

Top comment:

@cowthefrog these theories just get more and more ridiculous lmao

#5: Chairman Feng is secretly in love with Ye Xiu See more…

Top comment:

@fishyellow im sorry this is way too hilarious



are zhou zekai and sun xiang dating
are zhou zekai and sun xiang in love
are zhou zekai and sun xiang married
are zhou zekai and sun xiang best partners
are zhou zekai and sun xiang gay


r/Advice: My friends are obliviously in love

Posted by u/jhdjskcdsmjahelpme

I have two friends who are really oblivious. It’s evident to everyone around them that they both have massive crushes on each other but they stubbornly insist that they’re not in love. I need a way to make them realise their true feelings, but it’s going to be difficult since they constantly shoot tender loving gazes at each other but somehow still think of the other as a friend. As someone who constantly has to deal with their antics, it’s getting really frustrating and I have to put a stop to it. What should I do?

I apologise if this doesn’t make sense because it’s 3am and I’m really desperate.

Note: Getting them to talk about it seems like the most obvious option, but that won’t help seeing as both of them have serious communication issues.

Replies, sort by best

pinkfluffyunicorns | 34 points

well u could always try the classic “throw them both into a closet n lock them inside” move to resolve their ust ;)


Operation Zhouxiang
Critical period — 11 June to 9 July; before they fly out for Worlds training
Plan A (13/6)
• Buy flowers for SX and pretend they’re from ZZK
• [UPDATE: 14/6 — SUCCESSFUL] SX blushed, then hugged and thanked ZZK!
• [UPDATE: 14/6, LATER — UNSUCCESSFUL] ZZK said they weren’t from him. SX is currently in his room, praying to the gods and chanting weird ancient scripture in a panic to ward off ghosts
- He has now taken to burning incense and stomping around the building to scatter the ashes
Plan B (16/6)
• Take the team to the park for a walk and get ZZK & SX to share an ice cream, using the excuse of not having brought enough money
• [UPDATE: 16/6 — UNSUCCESSFUL] Du Ming offered his ice cream to ZZK as he is now on a diet to impress Happy’s Tang Rou
- A rather futile plan, if you ask me
Plan H (28/6)
• Arrange for them to pair up during the monthly team trust exercises
• [UPDATE: 28/6 — SUCCESSFUL] They gazed into each others’ eyes for two whole minutes (and 12 seconds) at the end of the trust fall
• [UPDATE: 28/6, LATER — UNSUCCESSFUL] When asked about how their relationship was going, I was met with a questioning stare from SX. He also said that they were, to quote, “just bros”
- I am in pain
Plan I (28/6)
• A stranger on the Internet recommended that I try locking them inside a closet to resolve something called “UST”. I’ve put this plan off until now because it seems rather unnecessary and useless, but I’m really desperate. What are they even supposed to do inside it anyway?
• [UPDATE: 28/6, LATER — UNSUCCESSFUL] I chose the wrong closet. There were mothballs inside, and they only lasted two seconds before SX started shrieking like a banshee
- Thankfully, they didn’t see who pushed them into the closet, and Wu Qi is the unfortunate scapegoat as he happened to be the one who rescued them upon hearing the screams
(I am out of plans. I will try asking the Unofficial Tacticians Chat for ideas. If that fails, I suppose I can always consult our resident relationship counsellor)


Unofficial Tacticians Chat

Good morning seniors! Apologies for bothering you but I would like your opinions on what to do about a problem that I have been facing
Yu Wenzhou ^_^
Of course. What is it about?
Well, it’s about my teammates, Zhou Zekai and Sun Xiang
ye xiu
pls dont talk abt those 2 here
ye xiu
ystday i went to the dentist for the first time in 11 yrs
ye xiu
n it turns out their tooth-rotting fluff has given me 4 cavities!!!
ye xiu
i demand recompense
…With all due respect, Senior Ye, I believe they were actually caused by your unhealthy smoking habits
ye xiu
no


“Good morning, Senior Fang.” Jiang Botao set two steaming cups of coffee on the table.

“Good morning Vice-Captain! Thanks for bringing me this coffee. Is there any reason you wanted to talk to me today?”

“Well, it’s… I have been dealing with some relationship problems.”

Fang Minghua raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Who’s the lady?”

Jiang Botao chuckled awkwardly. “No, it’s not between me and someone else… it’s actually about two of our teammates.”

The older man clapped his hands together excitedly, and Jiang Botao swore that he could see the hint of a mischievous, almost malicious, glint in Fang Minghua’s eye. “Are you talking about our captain and Sun Xiang?”

“…Yes.”

“Those two have unbearable sexual tension. And I’ve definitely noticed your attempts to get them to realise their feelings and stop dancing around each other. But you really should have come to me sooner, so I could have come up with the perfect plan to earn the winnings of the bet—”

Jiang Botao interrupted him, “There’s a bet going on?!”

“Of course! Didn’t you know?”

“No…” He certainly hadn’t heard of it. It sounded important, though, and he scribbled a note down in his journal reminding himself to ask someone about it later. Du Ming might have heard of it, what with the amount of time he spent glued to his phone during breaks. But then, he could have just been looking at those cat videos he loved so much. Who knew?


From: [email protected]

Subject: THE ZHOUXIANG BET: WEEK 31

To: [email protected], [email protected], [124 more]

Attached: rules_of_the_game.doc (9 KB), bets.xls (16 KB)

Welcome back, folks! Here’s a quick email reminder that today, Monday, marks the end of week 30 and the beginning of week 31. Our insider intel has once again given us a negative, so Fang Rui and Wei Chen, your guesses were wrong and you have been eliminated from this game. Let’s see if our week 31 guessers were right! Stay tuned for the next email and have a great day ahead <3

(A courtesy tl;dr of our rules: to win the game, you have to correctly guess the week in which either Zhou Zekai or Sun Xiang will confess to the other. To the newbies who just joined recently, yes, we have been playing this game for over half a year. But don’t worry! I foresee it’ll come to an end soon)

From: [email protected]

Re: Subject: THE ZHOUXIANG BET: WEEK 31

To: [email protected], [email protected], [124 more]

ADJKASDHASJKD OLD WEI!!! YOY SAIFD THAT OYU WEREE DEFI NOTELY CPRRECT IM GOING TO MRUEDR YOU IN YPUR SLEEPFDGKFGMD

From: [email protected]

Re: Re: Subject: THE ZHOUXIANG BET: WEEK 31

To: [email protected], [email protected], [124 more]

fuck i accidentally hit reply all

From: [email protected]

Re: Subject: THE ZHOUXIANG BET: WEEK 31

To: [email protected], [email protected], [124 more]

at this rate zjl will get 1st place before those 2 confess to each other

From: [email protected]

Re: Re: Subject: THE ZHOUXIANG BET: WEEK 31

To: [email protected], [email protected], [124 more]

FUCK U OLD YE


Xiao Zhou11/24

Today 9:17 AM
Don’t forget to meet me at the café directly opposite at 11 :)

Mn
See you!! :D


A-Xiang02/02

Today 9:19 AM
Meet me at the café opposite by 11! Don’t be late :D

ok?
but why???
HEY DONT BLUEITCK ME >:( >:( >:(
You need to spend more time out of your room! I’m sure some of us would appreciate it ^^

?


The bell hanging on the door tinkled lightly as Zhou Zekai stepped in, heavily disguised in sunglasses, a face mask, multiple scarves, and a thick coat despite the summer heat.

His eyes quickly darted around the place, scanning the small and cosy café to find his vice-captain.

How strange — Jiang Botao wasn’t seated at their team’s usual spot, the one that was situated farthest from the window. The odd, asymmetrical design of the café also made that table seem almost sectioned-off from all the others, which gave its occupants some privacy.

Plus, despite the café being right across the street from the Samsara building, it was quite small and easy to miss. It was also mostly frequented by the elderly, so management deemed it reasonably safe for the team to visit. Still, Zhou Zekai wasn’t about to risk being spotted. He’d once been overwhelmed by a throng of fangirls while trying to exit the café and didn’t want something similar to happen again.

Zhou Zekai turned his attention away from the surrounding décor and focussed back on that particular table, where a tall, skinny man was fidgeting in his seat.
Samsara’s captain sighed softly (perhaps fondly?), and made his way over to where Sun Xiang was sitting to take a seat opposite him. “Xiang,” he whispered, causing the other man to jolt upright.

“Wh-what? No, I-I think you’ve gotten the wrong person, I’m waiting for a friend, I’m not—" Sun Xiang spluttered randomly, afraid that a fan had identified him, before Zhou Zekai interrupted.

“It’s me,” he said softly, lifting his sunglasses and removing his face mask to expose his sharp, distinctive features.

“Oh— Wait, what are you doing here, Captain?” The furious blush had ceased to recede from Sun Xiang’s face, which Zhou Zekai was trying very hard not to think about.
“…Jiang.”

By now, Sun Xiang was decent at figuring out what his reticent captain was trying to convey with a few simple words, or sometimes, by saying nothing at all. His eyes widened as he realised what was going on — Vice-Captain Jiang must have wanted to discuss some sort of team tactics, but he’d forgotten about the meeting!

“I’ll go get him,” he hurriedly said, standing up to leave.

Slender fingers wrapped around his wrist and Sun Xiang turned around in shock to meet Zhou Zekai’s soft gaze. His breath quickened and his heart started pounding, like he was the stupid male lead of some cheesy romance drama.

Sun Xiang could wax lyrical about how beautiful his captain was, only he sucked at poetry and he didn’t think the other man would appreciate it.

“Don’t go,” Zhou Zekai whispered.

“O-Okay,” he mumbled, plopping back down on the seat.

Hidden behind a potted plant shadowed in an inconspicuous corner, Jiang Botao was seconds away from ripping his hair out.


GLORY GOSSIP: Zhou Zekai and Sun Xiang spotted on a date?!
By Xu Ningzhen, News Affairs Correspondent

With the plethora of captain x vice-captain ships outing themselves lately, even more public attention has been focused on the already previously popular ship of Captain Zhou Zekai and his partner, Sun Xiang, from Team Samsara.

Recently, the pair was spotted in the background of a picture posted on a small-time food blog on the popular social media site Weibo. The picture has since been taken down by the original author, but was reshared countless times and gained almost 2 million likes prior to its removal.

Since then, several ardent shippers have reposted the image and it is gaining traction within the shipping community. People have started to speculate that the photo could be evidence of a blossoming relationship between both popular players.

As of the time of writing this article, the tag #ZHOU ZEKAI AND SUN XIANG# is on the trending hot search list of Weibo.


“Look at this.”

Warily, Sun Xiang received the phone that Jiang Botao had passed to him. Zhou Zekai put down his headset and peeked over his shoulder to get a glimpse of the article too.

Their eyes scanned the text displayed on the screen, and Jiang Botao noted with growing satisfaction that they were becoming wider and wider by the second.

“I-I- We’re not?! What— That’s not true!“ Sun Xiang was the first to furiously deny, hands flying everywhere as if gesturing randomly would help him to prove his point. It clearly didn’t work, because all he got in return was a raised eyebrow from his vice-captain.

Beside him, Zhou Zekai flushed bright red.

With building annoyance and clenched teeth, Jiang Botao ran through a bunch of possible scenarios in his mind. Gently explaining the concept of affection to them seemed like a decent idea.

Or…

“YOU BOTH LIKE EACH OTHER! JUST SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!”

Notes:

coding for the skins from: https://archiveofourown.org/series/458134 & https://archiveofourown.org/works/8631214/chapters/53440558 :)
p.s. smc won the bet. she’s an all-knowing goddess after all