They Could Have Been Worse
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In the second week of Alastor’s imprisonment—or, what is more truthfully turning out to be ‘Alastor’s series of dubiously consensual playdates with the Vees,’ for all that Vox doesn’t seem to understand the first thing about having a captive—Vox agrees to shove his little teammates out of the spotlight, parades himself out on stage with the benefit of their costume design and back-up dancers, and proceeds to singlehandedly win the most hilarious game of chicken that Alastor has ever seen.
Positive reinforcement may be warranted. But Alastor has never excelled at delivering that consistently.
(In which Alastor gives Vox a little treat for publicly humiliating Lucifer, followed by several tricks for leaving him alone at home with Valentino. Set between the last few minutes of season 2 episode 5 and first few minutes of season 2 episode 6.)
Series
- Part 1 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“Your mistake, Velvette, is assuming that they tolerated me,” Alastor quips—and freezes only for a moment when Velvette gives up the goat and just starts wholesale magicking new clothes onto his body in rapid succession. Nevertheless, he carries on. “You can’t be popular with other Overlords and disrespect them. You’ll have to choose.”
“Oh yeah?” Velvette scoffs. “How does that explain Vox then?”
Alastor smiles unkindly.
“You and I aren’t Vox.”
(In which Velvette and Alastor become unlikely friends, Vox does his best impression of a bird flying straight towards a glass door, and Alastor gaslights too close to the sun. Set during the time that Vox filmed his joint venture commercial at Carmine Industries, and a short time thereafter.)
Series
- Part 2 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“Anyways, nothing about Alastor gives ‘maternal,’” Velvette says after a while. Alastor glances over his shoulder from the stove to find her in the barstool beside Valentino’s, now, with her feet propped in his lap. “You’re the mom. I’m obviously the cool aunt. And Vox is our deadbeat husband.”
Alastor snickers at the stove.
“So like, does that make the Radio Demon our kid?” Valentino asks, squinting as he strains the metaphor.
“I dunno—good thing there’s no CPS in Hell.”
Alastor openly snorts.
(The Vees have dinner together like a fucking family, Valentino takes Alastor on a field trip, and Alastor and Vox do some light and friendly bonding activities. Set in approximately S2E6.)
Series
- Part 3 of They Could Have Been Worse
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I flip the television off / Turn the radio up loud by Rennfri
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
01 Jan 2026
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“You know,” Valentino says, eyeing Alastor with unveiled interest from the couch. Alastor feels deep nostalgia for the days when Valentino was prone to cringe away from him like a girl spotting a spider she was scared to kill. “It’s all hot-swappable.”
It’s almost guaranteed that Alastor doesn’t want to know what that means. But only almost, and curiosity nags.
“Pardon?”
“His dick,” Valentino says casually, and through great personal restraint Alastor does not press his hands into his temples. “He’d probably be into it if you wanted to keep it in your purse.”
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(In which Alastor takes a suggestion from Valentino, to great effect. An optional, porny installment directly following the events of Here's the Reigns.)
Series
- Part 4 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“Vox,” Alastor says, with saintlike patience. He may as well practice, given how much he’s obviously going to need it imminently. “I really do think that you should, at a minimum, bring flowers.”
“She’s a high-powered businesswoman,” Vox dismisses. “I know you’re old-fashioned, Al, but Velvette’s right. Powerful women don’t actually like being treated like a hot date you can bribe with flowers and chocolates.”
God help them all. No, really. Is it too late to start praying?
“This is a terrible time for your feminist awakening,” Alastor snaps. “You said it yourself—Rosie is my dearest friend. And as bribes go, she likes roses.”
Vox narrows his eyes at Alastor with actual hurt in them. Oh, what now.
“I can’t believe you’re actually admitting it,” he says.
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(In his grand campaign to win the favor of every major Overlord, Vox may have met his match with Rosie. Good thing he has his old pal Alastor to help!)
Series
- Part 5 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“I know, it takes a second,” Vox is saying. “Val said it felt like kissing a mirror, the first time—and yeah, I did ask him if he kissed a lot of mirrors.”
He just keeps talking, as if Alastor hasn’t just gotten the shock of his afterlife. As if it weren’t out of absolutely nowhere.
“It’s some kind of good luck ritual with a lipstick mark he used to do before his shows,” Vox carries on, as if he hasn’t noticed or simply doesn’t care that Alastor is—that Alastor doesn’t know what he is, in fact. “Maybe it worked. Hell, look where he is now.”
Alastor grapples for a grip on anything. Anything at all. What his overtaxed mind gives him, as Vox reaches out to cup a hand around his face, is this:
Vox is nervous.
He’s rambling like Charlie losing her spot in a set of talking points and he’s gripping one of the armrests like an anchor. And he’s glowing; there’s a bit of cyan beneath his eyes.
Well, fuck. What the Hell is Alastor expected to do about that?
(In which Vox makes an attempt at romance, Alastor weathers a series of foul moods, and Charlie has a terrible day.)
Series
- Part 6 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“Yeah, this is not what Val is doing,” Vox says, gesturing to the foot of space between them. Alastor has to snicker to himself again. “…unless?”
Vox performs a miraculous recovery from emotional turmoil to open lasciviousness. Alastor doesn’t know why he’s at all surprised.
“I’m not going to fuck you,” Alastor says bluntly.
“Technically not what Angel Dust is doing.”
Alastor smiles sheer incredulity across the bedspread until Vox tries again.
“Fine, we don’t have to do that,” Vox says, still creeping forward. Alastor heaves an open sigh—frankly, he’s a bit theatrical about it. It does little to deter Vox from coming to straddle him again.
Nor to reach between his wrists, and—
Fuck. He’d almost forgotten about that. Vox’s claws pluck at their deal chain, suddenly heavy and tangible where it hangs like manacles from his wrists.
“But you did mention something about this, the other day,” Vox croons, in a tone that Alastor has heard him use with Valentino several times. “Want to play ‘contract?’”
(In which Vox and Alastor spend some quality time together, Angel Dust is circled by sharks, and Rosie haunts the narrative. Set in S2E6.)
Series
- Part 7 of They Could Have Been Worse
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“Who the Hell does he think he is?” Vox says, and it’s so utterly ridiculous that Alastor has to laugh.
At least when he antagonizes Lucifer, he understands who it is that he’s antagonizing. And he used to do it under the wholly-justified assumption that he might be smited for his trouble, at that.
“The King of Hell, perhaps?” Alastor says. “First Light of all Creation? The Origin of Sin?”
“What the fuck!” Vox exclaims. “That’s not even—he just got there first, that isn’t impressive.”
Alastor squints sidelong across the pillows. It has nothing to do with his nearsightedness.
“What in the world are you talking about?”
“I totally could have invented sin, Alastor,” Vox says, without a hint of irony.
(In which Alastor tolerates the days before Vox's attempted coup of Heaven very well. Set in S2E7.)
Series
- Part 8 of They Could Have Been Worse
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Summary
In one glorious half-hour, Alastor has broken or completed three contracts, freed himself from two separate forms of bondage, and enjoyed a rousing jaunt through nearly half the Pentagram. Incidentally, he may also have shattered Vox’s psyche and his heart. But you know what they say about making omelettes; that was a price he was prepared to pay.
He is less prepared to be personally tasked with unscrambling the eggs.
(A post-canon fix-it following the S2 finale and the events of They Could Have Been Worse.)
Series
- Part 9 of They Could Have Been Worse