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Gary Trotter was perfectly happy, thank you very much. He had his shop, he had his flat, and he had his peace and quiet.
Well. He had those things. Until his former life comes sauntering into his shop on an ordinary Tuesday.
This is a story of neither here nor there, but all those places in between.
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“So. How can I help you? Oh, don’t look so stricken; I’m not going to to tell anybody about your sordid little sex games, not that I think anybody cares. Anyway, who'd believe me? For that matter, do you really think my customers would continue to patronise my establishment if I was gabbing about them? Use your brain, Potter; I do know you have one.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, I think,” Harry said.
Malfoy crossed his arms. “It’s been six years; I’m out of practice. Now tell me what you need.”
Harry stood there for a moment. He hadn’t really thought this through before he knew that it would be Draco Malfoy he was talking to. He felt utterly unprepared for the conversation.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was there.
“Harry wants a prostate orgasm and his boyfriends are all terrible,” Ginny said.
Draco’s eyebrows shot up. Harry’s face got hot. Ginny made a face at him and said, “Look, it was going to take you forever to say that.” Then she turned and walked away, leaving Harry alone, with Draco Malfoy, who knew that he wanted to have a prostate orgasm.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,023
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 38
- Kudos:
- 645
- Bookmarks:
- 140
- Hits:
- 8,237
Bookmarked by LAB_reports
26 Mar 2026
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Better Way to Live by captaindingdong (professorcockblock) for Rainjuly
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Mar 2026
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Prompt: Dronarry group chat shenanigans. They argue. They fight. They outsmart each other. Until someone accidentally send nudes.
Epistolary hybrid.
In a sense, this is a fic about Harry learning to accept that not all change is bad change.
In a greater, much more immediate sense, it's about three fucking idiots doing the worst flirting you've ever seen in your life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,493
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 81
- Kudos:
- 188
- Bookmarks:
- 38
- Hits:
- 1,904
Bookmarked by LAB_reports
26 Mar 2026
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wading in waist-high water by colgatebluemintygel for grumposaur
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Jun 2022
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Remus is a PhD student and hobbyist baker who finds himself adrift following his father’s death. On a whim, he enters the Great British Bake Off and is swept up in a flurry of curdled custard, shrunken souffle, and under-proved dough. Remus expects to be challenged and to embarrass himself on public television. What he doesn’t account for are the friendships he develops with the other contestants and the deep connection he forms with his teenage crush, Sirius Black: charming ex-boy band member and Bake Off presenter.
or,
Sirius groans, dropping his head back into his hands. “It’s the dough,” he mumbles into the skin of his palms. “It’s the kneading. It’s his hands. They’re obscene.”
Lily laughs. “They are a bit, aren’t they?”
Series
- Part 1 of wading in waist-high water
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 82,048
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 27
- Comments:
- 1,222
- Kudos:
- 14,797
- Bookmarks:
- 5,106
- Hits:
- 335,831
Bookmarked by LAB_reports
09 Mar 2026
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Fanboy Draco Malfoy Convinces Harry Potter to Marry Him by Rootin_tootin_sandy
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
02 Nov 2022
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Draco Malfoy was going to marry Harry Potter. It didn’t matter that he was only eleven and had technically only met Harry Potter two months ago. He was a boy in love.
Harry Potter was confused. No one liked him. He didn’t have friends or even acquaintances but Draco Malfoy liked him so much he wanted to marry him! Can these two boys make it through their Hogwarts years without driving the whole school mad?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 202,348
- Chapters:
- 105/105
- Collections:
- 14
- Comments:
- 2,298
- Kudos:
- 5,394
- Bookmarks:
- 1,458
- Hits:
- 243,880
Bookmarked by LAB_reports
16 Nov 2025
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Harry Potter has always been different, and his strange connection to plants marks him as the freak his Aunt and Uncle always claimed he was. The wizarding world was supposed to be an escape, but even there, he must hide the truth of his abilities. His magic doesn’t fit the rules, and secrets have a way of growing wild.
(If only there was someone who understood...)
A re-telling of the books in which Harry has more than one power the Dark Lord knows not.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 331,260
- Chapters:
- 81/81
- Comments:
- 7,075
- Kudos:
- 10,380
- Bookmarks:
- 3,574
- Hits:
- 405,795
Bookmarked by LAB_reports
29 Sep 2025