Toooldforthis1990
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He's getting good at this game: sneaking his questions between advances, keeping Shane in that warm state of mind where he'll actually answer them, and stifling the panic rabbiting in the base of his skull.
“So, this is thing?” He asks, tilting his head to try and catch Shane's eye. “You are most charming murderer.”
“Don't be a dick,” Shane huffs.
“Me? Never.” Ilya ducks to kiss Shane's cheek, then his nose, then the opposite cheek, pressing their faces together. He can't help kissing Shane again, on the temple this time, before he continues. “I must be lucky,” he says, “to know you are most boring man alive.”
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Ilya goes to Shane's place for the first time since discovering he's a murderer.
Series
- Part 2 of kill me (romantically)
Bookmarked by Toooldforthis1990
16 May 2026
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When one of the death eaters who attack the trio in the cafe turns out to be none other than Draco Malfoy, Hermione erases his memory. Only she accidentally takes too much...
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- English
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- 23/23
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Bookmarked by Toooldforthis1990
12 May 2026
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Hermione Granger, swot extraordinaire, offers to help Pansy with the beta testing of her new intimacy wellness product, The Dream Man. Sure it might look like Draco Malfoy, the man she's been interested in for years, but that's purely coincidental. It's for science!
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Draco Malfoy has been infatuated with Hermione Granger for years. When he "discovers" a sex doll bearing an uncanny resemblance to him for her use, he decides a bit of light subterfuge is in order.
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Pansy is tired of her two idiot friends and decides to meddle.
TL/DR: Draco Malfoy is absolutely delighted to become Hermione Granger's sex toy.Series
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- English
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- 11,111
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- 2/2
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Bookmarked by Toooldforthis1990
06 May 2026
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Immaculate Misconception by malfoyesque for ThornedHuntress
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
15 Apr 2026
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Hermione’s husband wants an heir, but he can’t get her pregnant.
Draco Malfoy's blood curse has him desperate to get someone pregnant, but doesn’t want a legitimate heir.
It’s a match made in heaven, and nothing at all is going to go wrong.
Nothing.
At.
All.—————————————————————
Malfoy let his head fall back, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath from the ceiling.
“You are a woman of child-bearing age. You are looking to become pregnant. And you have told me that your husband has failed to make that happen. It is being triggered right now and it’s being triggered by you.”
His eyes flicked quickly over her body, before stopping himself.
“And from the moment you stepped foot in my house, I have been so fucking hard I can’t feel my toes.”Series
- Part 1 of Immaculate Misconception Universe
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- English
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- 149,396
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- 21/21
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- 3
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Bookmarked by Toooldforthis1990
04 May 2026
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Draco Malfoy, nearing thirty and still single, is in a muggle bar on the lookout for a Nice Muggle Lady with whom to spend the night so that he might avoid his mother's match-making dinner plans. What he finds, instead, is one of the last people he ever expected to see again: Hermione Granger. She's waiting on a date... It would be a shame if their chemistry unravelled their plans.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,894
- Chapters:
- 7/7
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- 1
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Bookmarked by Toooldforthis1990
30 Apr 2026