chalmao
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How Not To Get a Date by Blasphemyandtheboys
Fandoms: One Piece (Anime & Manga), One Piece (Live Action TV 2023)
30 Nov 2023
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Summary
Zoro's in over his head when he catches sight of a beautiful woman at a bar, only to find out she is actually his crossdressing rival.
What's a guy gotta do to get a date with Sanji?Bookmarked by chalmao
23 Jan 2026
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Summary
Disguising your secondary gender is most definitely questionable; lying about it to your employee is certainly illegal. But Sanji really needs a job and people just don't want to hire a hot-headed alpha. A professional and level-headed beta is another story, however.
Working for Lord Roronoa should not be an issue at all, especially because he is an arrogant blockhead. The fact that the lord is a very attractive single omega, does not matter. -
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Summary
“You know none of this is true, right?” The shitty hunter soaks in the tacky decor of the coffee shop with visible distaste.“What?”
“Vamps don’t actually turn into bats,” he huffs, poking at a dangling plastic decoration. “And they sure as hell don’t wear capes, either. They look just like any average person. That’s what makes them so dangerous.”
“Oh. I had no idea,” lies Sanji, who is most definitely an average person and not a vampire. He shoots the mosshead his best customer service smile, the one that screams sir, this is just an innocent local business with no affiliation to vampires, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus. “Can I get you anything?”
Alternatively: In this economy, you gotta do what you gotta do. Some people hunt rogue vampires. Others run coffee shops that cater specifically to their fellow creatures of the night, and try their best not to get staked through the heart (or fall in love).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,998
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 294
- Kudos:
- 3,123
- Bookmarks:
- 750
- Hits:
- 32,498
Bookmarked by chalmao
12 Jan 2026
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Summary
"Objectively speaking, Sanji’s wedding day is not the worst thing to ever happen to him – there are far too many contenders for that title, but the day of his mother’s death is probably the one topping the chart – but it is on the list somewhere. And not at the bottom, at that."
Or:
Sanji thinks he's marrying the Demon of the East, the Pirate Hunter, a member of the Worst Generation and a cruel pirate, all for his bastard of a father's benefit.
Meanwhile, Zoro is marrying the hot guy he saw once as a picture in Red-Foot Zeff's restaurant. Also, they offered him booze.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,454
- Chapters:
- 21/?
- Comments:
- 1,178
- Kudos:
- 2,541
- Bookmarks:
- 486
- Hits:
- 51,898
Bookmarked by chalmao
09 Jan 2026
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Summary
n. the moment of realization that your quintessential future self isn’t ever going to show up, which forces the role to fall upon the understudy, the gawky kid who spent years mouthing their lines in the wings before being shoved into the glare of your life, which is already well into its second act.
Sanji has a secret.
Series
- Part 1 of Obscure Sorrows
- Part 1 of immerensis
Bookmarked by chalmao
07 Jan 2026