sarcasmtothemaximum
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Recent works
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Silence is a Dragon's Tell by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
19 Aug 2025
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Summary
Seokjin learned two things during his visit to the town.
First, the curse is spreading faster than he realized. He was shocked to discover the large number of people who couldn’t speak a word. Far too many people for Seokjin to understand the lack of urgency from the kingdom. It was no longer the handful that had started the rumors within the castle. Hundreds of people were reported to have fallen ill. To have been cursed .
The second thing Seokjin learned was a name.
Kim Namjoon .
In a kingdom where dragons have been outlawed for generations, Seokjin hates Namjoon for raising terrifying beasts, and Namjoon hates Seokjin for being part of the royal family. Unfortunately, they'll have to work together in order to help the kingdom suffering from a curse only dragons can find the cure to.
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[insert gunshot sound effects here] by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
24 Dec 2024
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Summary
'“Wait,” Namjoon mutters, bringing his hands up to his head, fingers lightly pulling at the longer strands of hair. “Wait, are they-”
“Technically, until we get an official ID on them, we can’t confirm anything,” Jimin says, holding up the report and waving it in Namjoon’s direction. “But reports say that they’ve been wearing the rings for a couple years now, and they’ve been spotted multiple times being,” Jimin wiggles his eyebrows, “romantically affiliated.”
Taehyung flashes Namjoon a boxy grin. “AKA, you and Seokjin-hyung are going undercover as-”
“-a married couple,” Namjoon finishes, and he wonders if the ground can swallow him whole as the words settle in his mind and the realization hits.
When a pair of arms dealers wind up dead, detective partners Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin are sent undercover as them in order to find out who they were planning to sell to. The twist? These two arms dealers happen to be married, and Namjoon and Seokjin's undercover operation is about to give a whole new definition to the term 'partner'.
Series
- Part 1 of Gunshot Sound Effects and Then Some
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[Insert More Gunshot Sound Effects Here] by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum) for ghostjoon
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
01 Oct 2022
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Summary
“Could you run any slower?” Seokjin grumbles, reaching back so he can grab Namjoon’s hand and tug him forward. Another bullet flies past them, but they still have enough of a head start on the gunmen behind them that Seokjin’s not worried about them being able to accurately aim.
“You know, if you could've just waited to leave our hiding spot, we wouldn’t even have to be running like this!”
“I had to go pee!” Seokjin winces. “I still have to go pee, actually, so unless you want to date a little piss boy, run a little faster, won’t you?”
The team are in France for a case, and Seokjin and Namjoon are busy being in love.
(Sequel to [Insert Gunshot Sound Effects Here])
Series
- Part 2 of Gunshot Sound Effects and Then Some
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Missed You Under the Mistletoe by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum) for ghostjoon
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
13 Apr 2022
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Summary
His heart hasn’t calmed down by the time Namjoon starts walking over to him, and Seokjin doesn’t have time to throw Yoongi in front of him as a human shield when Namjoon approaches him, and wraps Seokjin up in a giant bear hug.
Fuck .
Was Namjoon always this tall? Not that Seokjin ever replays the moment in his head, but the last time he hugged Namjoon - a final goodbye at the airport before Namjoon left for college - he swears that he had the advantage and was able to look down at Namjoon. Now, Namjoon’s cheek rests just against Seokjin’s, breath hitting Seokjin’s bright, red ears.
“It’s been awhile,” Namjoon says quietly, and all Seokjin can do is nod, lost for words.
Four years have passed since the last time Seokjin saw Namjoon, and while he's grown out of a lot of things, they way Namjoon makes Seokjin's heart race hasn't changed.
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A Little Superhero Plan by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
19 Jun 2021
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Summary
Namjoon grins. ”You know, we’re like partners in crime.”
“Namjoon, we’re fucking superheroes . There’s no partners, and there’s definitely no crime.”
Namjoon hums, and grabs Seokjin’s hand. “I suppose you’re right,” he says, pulling Seokjin’s hand close to him and pressing a kiss to his palm. “We’re much more like boyfriends.”
Seokjin groans. “ Absolutely not .”
Superheroes always have a plan, and it's not Seokjin's fault his keep failing. Really, he's pretty sure it's all Namjoon's fault; there was never room for another superhero in the city (and definitely never room for another superhero in Seokjin's heart).
Recent series
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Gunshot Sound Effects and Then Some by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
24 Dec 2024
- Words:
- 148,933
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 41
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Summary
do not look at me and my inability to forget about my cupcake bois plz if there's a sequel in the writing dont judge me
- Words:
- 122,306
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 53
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Namjoon pauses and stares at Seokjin for a second. Then he blurts, “I was wondering if you could take me to the Wall.”
Seokjin’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Why?” he asks, but then he rethinks this question and follows it up with, “Actually, nevermind. I can’t.”
This time Namjoon asks, “Why?”
“Because the government rejected my expedition proposal,” Seokjin responds, sighing wistfully, “so I don’t have permission to go.”
Namjoon shrugs. “You could go anyway.”
---
Committing treason wasn't exactly what Seokjin had in mind when he made it his life's goal to travel to the Wall, but when he's approached by a man named Namjoon who seems to think that the Wall can help his sick brother, he just can't resist.
Bookmarked by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
07 Aug 2020
Bookmarker's Notes
fantastic. cannot wait for update. :)
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Summary
Namjoon sits crossed legs on the light wood floor of his newly arranged room and considers it wordlessly. He’s proud of the work done already, of the endless shelves stuffed with books, of the cream curtains framing the large windows, of the grainy quality of the air all around. Of the peacefulness exuding from every dark corner. Of the loneliness.
There are still quite a lot of things he’s not satisfied with, though: the coffee table broke earlier, its glass plate shattering in million of tiny pieces for Namjoon’s greatest despair and he really needs a carpet near the sitting area (a plush, fluffy one. Beige? Dark red.) and he still can’t really stand his own presence but the day is still young. At least one of those things can be achieved before tonight, hopefully.Or
Namjoon buys an old library in the tiniest village ever, spills the secret about his magical powers, gets enrolled in a knitting club and is asked to date old women's mysterious grandsons.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 49,055
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 278
- Kudos:
- 1,928
- Bookmarks:
- 840
- Hits:
- 45,937
Bookmarked by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
29 May 2020
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Summary
Jeongguk’s recent Google history looks a bit like this:
How to tell if a witch doctor likes you
Mutant toads harmful?
How much is too much thinking about a stranger’s mouth?
How to erase feelings forever
How to make someone like you forever
Delete Naver???
Jeongguk is a normal, rational adult man. He just has a crush on a beautiful, talented, magical being. That’s all.
No big deal.
Everything is fine.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,855
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 134
- Kudos:
- 1,992
- Bookmarks:
- 684
- Hits:
- 14,381
Bookmarked by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
15 Jan 2020
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Summary
Accidental mind-reading definitely wasn’t in Seokjin’s contract when he signed on to become an idol.
Bookmarked by sabu (sarcasmtothemaximum)
12 Jan 2020
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Summary
Seokjin doesn't believe in ghosts. Which would cause a huge uproar if everyone knew since he's kind of a big deal at his university; he's a shaman who protects people from evil spirits. He doesn't remember where he got the idea to do this from, all he knows is that superstitious people pay good money.
Namjoon does believe in ghosts. Better yet, he can see them and he can expel them. But there's a certain phoney shaman at his university who's stealing all his clients in his exorcism business, and he's not happy about it because haunted people pay good money.
So, what do they do? Figure out whose closet is holding all the skeletons, of course.
Series
- Part 1 of KNJ PEST EXTERMINATION
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 145,258
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 2,046
- Kudos:
- 5,563
- Bookmarks:
- 1,854
- Hits:
- 122,008
Bookmarked by sarcasmtothemaximum
27 Oct 2019
Bookmarker's Notes
hiro said to bookmark so
(Also. Is very good fic. Dare I say it’s my favorite fic ever.)