thetern
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In this modern-day parody, a clueless Vampire Ascendant Astarion turns to the internet for advice. Among his many struggles: evicting a devil, dating mortals, and convincing his spawn he is saving for eternal retirement.
Complicating matters, he has problems with his problems - including a persistent troll whose identity he can't uncover, and questions he won't ask, even anonymously.
This story will eventually branch into three possible endings:
• Astarion x Female OC
• Astarion x Male spawn OC
• Astarion x Raphael -
It’s a Single-Player Game by thetern
Fandoms: 塊魂 | Katamari Damacy, Don't wake me up (Video Game)
22 Apr 2025
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Asterius counts minutes, but he doesn’t comprehend them passing. He waits for Shwii’s embrace, but he can’t feel it.
When she brings him a strange ball and asks him to play with it, he does, as long as she’s watching. He doesn’t understand what the ball is, but he’s good at the game.
A soft horror story about touch, devotion, and the quiet end of everything.
This is inspired by Katamari Damacy and Don’t Wake Me Up, but no canon knowledge is needed.
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Tav (Odette) is the only companion without a tent and refuses all help making one. One of the least likely candidates, Astarion, offers to share a tent with her, but it doesn’t go as he’d planned.
Astarion spends a few minutes as a god. Gale eats and critiques magical Grease. Karlach seeks revenge on the paladins hunting her. And wizard Tav will learn spells above level one some other day.
This story is inspired by the fact that canon Tav doesn’t have a proper tent in the game. It tries to answer why that might be the case for this particular Tav and how that affects Astarion's handle on emotional intimacy.
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During an abrupt visit from Santa, Astarion receives a package from an unknown sender that forces him to confront the aimlessness of his newfound freedom. Unexpectedly, he’s pulled into a holiday reunion with Withers, Minsc, and Boo. He bickers with an enchanted seashell and recounts his reluctant run-in with a goose. He experiences something new: companionship and holiday cheer.
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Astarion has compiled a list of Withers’ many faults, from his refusal to explain why he joined their camp to his terrible fashion sense. But as their journey continues, Astarion starts to suspect that the strange, skeletal being might not be as insufferable as he first thought. A slice-of-life story about undead camaraderie, petty grievances, and unexpected emotional growth.