1 - 20 of 35 Works by whythehellnothavefun
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Not All Vampires Sparkle by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
15 May 2024
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Summary
Sometimes, Harry wished he waited a few seconds to think things through before he did (or said) something.
It only ever got him in trouble.
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One mission in, and Alex Rider had already become a liability.
There was no denying the boy's effectiveness.
But he'd also "accidentally" killed two people, shot the Prime Minister in the hand, caused thousands of pounds worth of damage to the London Science Museum and, worst of all, been caught on live TV.
He was too famous to use and a potential snitch (perhaps they shouldn't have blackmailed him).
Well, there's one way to make him untrustworthy, and Alex helped them with the solution.
A few days later, Alex Rider is sitting in front of a judge after being sentenced to 35 years in prison. -
Albus died instead of Ariana? by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
25 Dec 2023
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Ariana Dumbledore died after stepping into the middle of a three-way duel between her two brothers and her eldest brother’s… boyfriend? lover? friend with benefits? What effect would Albus dying instead have had on various characters in the wizarding world (Told in bullet point format, as this is a list of ideas. It also includes characters from the Fantastic beasts trilogy and a reference to Cursed Child)
Series
- Part 13 of WTHNHF's series of Harry Potter What Ifs
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Lab Rat by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
08 Nov 2023
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Human experimentation, as provided by the ICCPR, can only take place when the person being experimented on gives "free consent" and isn't "subjected" to taking part in "medical or scientific experimentation".
Then again, some people have no issue with blackmailing a teenager into doing their work for them, so why would a pesky thing like "free consent" stop them from human experimentation?Series
- Part 1 of Lab Rat
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There is nothing better than when a plan works out exactly as you expected, without having to resort to Plan B.
Series
- Part 12 of WTHNHF's series of Harry Potter What Ifs
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You know how embarrassed you feel after accidentally sending someone the wrong link?
Wouldn't you hate to imagine how bad it would be if you sent the wrong link to *two* people?
Imagine no more.
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These Gifts are Made for Using by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Oct 2023
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Possessing the Family Gift is enough to elevate a half-blood or pureblood to become the Heir of a Family, regardless of the current Lord or Lady’s wishes.
The Princes, Blacks and Potters each have Family Gifts, and in the annual Ceremony, Heirs are chosen, leaving some relatives… disappointed.
The 1970 Ceremony will change people’s lives, for better and for worse. -
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The first conversation they had resulted in a breakup.
Things can only get better from here.
Right? -
The Students Voted For A New Headmaster by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
30 Aug 2023
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There is a rule, rarely used, in the Hogwarts Charter that allows the students to vote for a new Headmaster if the previous one has to vacate the post for any reason. Thank Merlin Hermione remembers this before Dolores Umbridge can entrench herself into the role. The day before the voting takes place, someone asks Harry who he will vote for.
Series
- Part 11 of WTHNHF's series of Harry Potter What Ifs
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Spy and the Assassin by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Beauty and the Beast (2017), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
31 Jul 2023
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A retelling of Beauty and the Beast, set in the Alex Rider world.
(Updates on Wednesdays (GMT))
(Cross posted on ff.net)
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Harry Potter’s Avada Kedavra Wedding by whythehellnothavefun for Faithless_3105, Atheism13
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Jul 2023
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(From The Book of Terms And Their Definitions, page 101)
Avada Kedavra Wedding: noun, informal, see also: Avada Kedavra Marriage
An enforced or hurried wedding, due to one member being pregnant or under blackmail, potentially to gain access to another’s vault(s) and/or properties.
(See also: Muggle Oxford English Dictionary, shotgun wedding/shotgun marriage)
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I’m On The Edge Of (Not Glory) by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, Alex Rider (TV 2020)
14 Feb 2023
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MI6 has a new torturer. Reports had emerged about their victims: all left with no grievous (or any) injuries, yet all emerged red-faced, having answered any questions put to them.
Or, a certain Russian assassin lets professional curiosity overcome his self-preservation instincts.
(Cross posted on ff.net)
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Harry Stood Up To Some Adult Bullies by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
25 Dec 2022
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Harry has first-hand experience of being bullied at the hands of Dudley Dursley, which didn’t leave him with much liking for bullies. When he hears about the “prank” Sirius pulled on Snape, he doesn’t let Sirius Black’s potential innocence or Pettigrew potentially being Scabbers distract him from giving them a piece of his mind.
(Cross posted on ff.net)
Series
- Part 10 of WTHNHF's series of Harry Potter What Ifs
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(Wizarding) Christmas Countdown by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
24 Dec 2022
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Draco is used to getting Christmas presents. His girlfriend gets him the best presents. This year, her presents are a bit… odd? Or at the least, likely to annoy his parents.
(Originally posted on ff.net)
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Voldemort's (Your) Choices by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Dec 2022
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You (in the form of Lord Voldemort) have discovered where Harry Potter spends his summer holidays and want to kill him. With the Blood Wards making things complicated, can you succeed in killing your enemy, or will your return be made public? Only you can decide.
(Originally posted on ff.net)
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The Cullens Could Drink Human Blood by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
11 Dec 2022
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Series
- Part 4 of WTHNHF's series of essays
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 323
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 2
- Hits:
- 64
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Voldemort and The Mafia Are Similar by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
10 Dec 2022
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Series
- Part 3 of WTHNHF's series of essays
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 308
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 1
- Hits:
- 48
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Father Christmas Could Be A Wizard by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Dec 2022
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- Part 2 of WTHNHF's series of essays
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 288
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 2
- Hits:
- 31
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Let's Discuss How Hogwarts Could Be A Better School by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Dec 2022
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Summary
(Originally posted on ff.net)
Series
- Part 1 of WTHNHF's series of essays
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An Assassin's Guide to Retirement by whythehellnothavefun
Fandoms: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, Alex Rider (TV 2020)
07 Dec 2022
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Everyone needs to save for retirement. Some people need a lot of money to afford a lavish lifestyle, while others only want the bare necessities. A select few need enough money to afford an extensive security system.
(Originally posted on ff.net)