Chapter Text
The warmth radiated from the sheets as Steve tried to hold on to the idea of someone being close to him again. The bed was recently evacuated by the patron since the smell of his cologne lingered on the pillow and in the linens. It had been eight months since Bucky left him. Only eighteen minutes since the stranger left the bed. Steve hid the pain of the break up, endless brigades of men who take too much and did so little. Sex was his only goal, something to smother the agony of heartbreak and hide his irrational fear of dying alone. Bucky wasn't a lover, he was more than a significant other who was no one before they became something. He was a best friend, a partner, an accomplice if need be, and more than anything, he was the only place Steve found solace.
Bucky was once Steve's home away from home. His arms wrapped tight around the taller man to let him always know that this is where he belonged. Now Steve was lost in the world without him. The photos decorating the wall and providing the idea of false hope and joy. They were broken now, impossible to fix no matter how hard they tried. There was no such thing as Steve and Bucky anymore.
The alarm rang loud, pulling him from the musk of his ninth pity fuck since the break up and forcing him to prepare to go to work. Work wasn't the same without someone to accompany you along the way. They parted ways at the bridge, one stepping into a bus while the other hurried to catch the train. It was routine, it was how they worked, in the beginning.
Steve pulled his boxers off before slipping into the shower. The hot water scalded his skin before he found comfort in the pain. That was his specialty now, taking comfort in pain he caused himself. Bucky claimed that it was Steve’s work schedule that forced him out the door, the twenty-four hour shifts and the hospital talk began to take a toll on him, he said. Once upon a time Bucky supported him, told him that no matter what, he was going to be right by his side, rooting for him every step of the way even if they did mean spending more time at home alone than he intended.
Finally he was fed up.
Bucky left, slamming the door and yelling profanities into the night's air. Steve punched a wall, screaming at the top of his lungs until his face turned blue and he collapsed to his knees. It took a month for them to speak to one another again. Steve regretted making the first move.
The water ran cold, Steve let the water run down his neck before he realized how long he’d been standing there.
Time was ticking by quickly. Before he knew it, it was seven, an hour later than it needed to be and he began to rush to get dressed. Jumping into his scrubs, he packed his pockets with his phone, wallet, granola bar breakfast, and his ring. The gold brassy antique piece was the only real sense of reality that he had. Swiftly he was out the door and on the street. Slipping his ear buds in, he did all he could to wash himself of his torturous thoughts before starting another day at St. Carter General Hospital.