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Buck stared at the ceiling, caught between the vague sensation that the universe was laughing at him and the urge to find shapes in the ugly-ass popcorn ceiling.
The former was just a common occurrence these days, so he’d settled for the latter. Not that he had a lot of progress to show for it.
Eddie’s street was in a quieter part of LA, but a quieter part of LA was still LA. It was never truly quiet or empty, and every time headlights stretched across the ceiling, filling the room with dull gold for a breath and stretching the shadows impossibly long and dark around him, Buck’s eyes went fuzzy and he had to start over.
It was two in the damn morning and he just. Couldn’t sleep.
He was tired, sure. Who wouldn’t be after a double shift? But his brain was just...going.
This happened every time he slept over at Eddie’s. Every single time. His brain would just go and go and go. Until he ended up passing out around four in the morning. Then, whenever the Diaz boys felt nice enough to let him escape (and who the hell was he kidding? He overstayed his welcome way too often for him to put that blame anywhere near them), he’d go home and pass out for a nap.
He knows this about himself. Knows this habit. Has for a while now.
And yet...he can’t say no when Eddie offers. Physically cannot say no to those warm eyes and Chris’ sweet, sleepy smile, and oh god he was doomed.
He’d tried escaping this time, was the thing. He’d tried.
He’d dropped by Eddie’s that night after their shift, because that was just what they did when their times lined up. Said goodbye after work, separated long enough for Eddie to pick up Chris and for Buck to go home and change, and then met back up at Eddie’s for dinner and movies, or video games, or lego tournaments, or whatever Chris was feeling like. There’d been that night, about two weeks ago, when they’d had a fort building competition.
(Buck won. Don’t ask Eddie - he’s still just mad his fell down. Buck had nothing to do with that, honest.)
And then, like always, Buck had gotten up about the time Chris had started yawning a little too often to ignore and Eddie had started talking about getting ready for bed. He’d said something to the effect of getting out of their hair, and he’d even made it halfway to the door after giving Chris a hug goodnight, when Eddie had winged a couch pillow at his head, and told him in no uncertain terms that he’d seen him yawning too and like hell he was driving.
So, here he was, at two in the morning, stretched out on the couch and trying to find patterns in the speckled ceiling without much luck while his brain went into overdrive.
And what really sucked? Is that there weren’t a whole lot of places Buck would rather be right now.
Only one, really.
But, despite that place being literally twenty feet away, Buck wasn’t going to get that, so, as much as he was complaining? He’d take the couch.
He’d take the couch, just so he could see an excited Chris and a rumpled Eddie in the morning. He’d take the couch, just so he could join in on making breakfast, watching his two favorite people light up at the idea because Eddie still hadn’t quite mastered much beyond cereal and the occasional toasted bagel.
He’d take the damn couch, and a helluva lot more, for those mornings where he got to sit at the table with Eddie and Chris, the morning shining and bright, laughing as Chris makes a mess and as a half asleep Eddie almost spills his coffee, listening to their plans for the day and feeling, just for an hour, just for a moment, like he was part of it.
God, he needed sleep. Groaning, he rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, hard enough that he saw spots for a couple moments, before grabbing the pillow and dragging it over his face. The urge to scream into it was intense, but even he wasn’t quite that dramatic. For now. Maybe in an hour.
It took him a moment to register the sound coming from down the hall - didn’t actually place the click of a door being opened until his brain caught up to the shuffling sound that came after. Peeking out from under the pillow, he frowned slightly at the hallway.
It wasn’t Eddie, he knew that immediately. But why would Chris be up?
It was quiet for a long minute or two, and Buck was about to go back to hiding from the world, thinking Chris had either just made it to the bathroom or had gone to Eddie’s room, before he sees a mop of curls peek around the corner.
He sits up immediately, “Hey buddy...what’re you doing up, huh?” He asks, softly, so as not to wake up Eddie. It still sounds loud in the too quiet house, and Buck winces slightly.
Chris hesitates a long moment, then sniffles and rubs hard at one of his eyes, and Buck feels his heart shatter in his chest. He’s up off the couch in the next moment and at Christopher’s side the next. He holds out his arms long enough to get a slightly shaky nod from Chris before scooping him up and holding him close. Chris hiccups and curls his hands in Buck’s shirt immediately, burying his face against his chest, and what was left of Buck’s heart is crumbling, even as he tries to keep his voice calm and low as he heads back to the couch. “Hey, hey, Chris, what’s going on?”
Chris doesn’t answer immediately - just snuggles in close when Buck drops down on the couch, making himself as small as he can in Buck’s lap, and instead of pushing, Buck just murmurs softly and holds him close. He’s already got a pretty good idea what happened, and he knows better than to push if he’s right.
“Ha-had a nightmare…” Chris mumbles into his shirt and Buck sighs softly, gently running one hand through his curls.
“Oh...oh sweetheart, I’m sorry,” Buck murmurs, pulling his little body closer and reaching over to grab the discarded blanket to pull around them before a thought hits him. “Do you want me to go get your dad?” he asks, blinking slightly when Chris quickly shakes his head.
“Didn’t wanna wake him,” Chris says, pulling away long enough to wipe ineffectually at his eyes again. He sounds better at least - voice still rough, but definitely not as...as quiet as before. “Didn’t wanna wake you...either…” And there’s a thread of worry there in his tone that Buck needs to squash, immediately.
“You didn’t Chris, promise. I was already up. Besides, I wouldn’t have minded, and I know your dad wouldn’t have either.”
Chris just nods, curling back into Buck’s chest again now that he’s calmed down a little. “I know but...Daddy’s been tired. And so were you.” Buck holds Chris a little tighter at that, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head.
“That’s sweet, buddy, that you’d think of us. But I promise you, we’d want to know, okay? Even if it’s just a little thing.” The very idea of Chris not wanting to tell anyone just because he didn’t want to wake anyone up...the kid’s all heart, but he really doesn’t like the idea of Eddie going through that. Again.
“Okay, Buck…” Chris says around a yawn, clearly feeling better, regardless of whatever it was that drove him out there.
“Good kid...now, we should get you back to bed, yeah?” Buck says, moving to stand up when Chris shakes his head again.
“Can I stay out here? With you? Just for a bit…”
Buck is a strong man, but he’s not strong enough for this. So, he settles back into the couch, gently maneuvering Chris around so he’s a little more comfortable and a little more under the blanket.
“Sure buddy. Whatever you want.”
Chris falls asleep again quickly after that, still tucked up against Buck’s chest, with one little hand curled in his shirt. And Buck means to take him back to bed, a little after he’s fallen asleep.
Means to.
Can’t quite make himself get up.
Before he really knows it, he’s falling asleep too, one arm curled protectively around Chris, the other making sure the blanket stays on them.
Eddie wakes up to a quiet house.
It’s odd enough that he’s immediately unsettled and possibly on edge.
Normally, when his days off were on the weekend, Chris was bustling into his room around eight. Especially if Buck stayed the night, so the two of them could go startle a still sleeping Buck and Chris could beg him for pancakes.
It was basically a tradition at this point, and one Chris was always excited about.
Eddie sometimes felt a little bad about waking Buck up, when it looked like he slept so heavily on their couch but...well, he never really seemed to mind, if the sunshine-bright smile he got on his face every time he realized when he realized what was happening was anything to go by.
He glanced over at the clock, his sleepy brain taking a moment to actually register the digits. 8:33.
What the heck.
Groaning softly, he pushed himself up out of bed, scrubbing his hands through his hair and down his face in an attempt to both wake up a little more and to try and wipe away the feeling of uneasiness. It’d been a late one last night. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that he was just the first one up.
Getting out of bed, he quietly made his way to the hall, then to Chris’ room to check on him. His bed was empty.
Okay, breathe.
Buck was in the house too, and he had almost as much of a hair-trigger as Eddie when it came to Chris. No way in hell could anything happen with the two of them in the same damn house.
While the idea helped calm him for the moment, his gut was still churning uncomfortably with an anxiety he didn’t want to put a name to.
He didn’t quite run to the living room - the only real testament to his control at the moment - but it was a close thing.
What he saw immediately settled his anxiety, set his beating heart to slow, and he knew he was smiling kind of stupidly within a couple seconds - and only half out of relief. He leaned against the wall slightly, laughing softly to himself.
Buck was sitting upright on the couch, head leaned over the back in a way that did not look comfortable for sleeping, while Chris was curled against his chest, the blankets tucked up around him like a little cocoon. Both were still completely dead to the world.
Right, so, he needed a picture of that.
He slipped back to his room as quietly as he could to grab his phone, managing to snap at least one pic before Chris started stirring, muttering and rubbing at his eyes. And Chris shifting and moving seems to be all it takes to wake Buck up. Somewhat. He groans anyway, even if his eyes stay closed.
“Morning, buddy,” Eddie says as he slips over to crouch by the couch and help Chris up out of the tangle of blanket.
“Morning daddy!” Chris chirps back, completely awake in a blink. It wasn’t often Eddie was jealous of his kid, but damn, that was a skill he’d like to have.
“What’re you doing out here, huh? C’mon, let’s get off Buck so he can get up too…” Eddie’s not actually expecting an answer, which is for the best as Chris doesn’t seem inclined to give one. “Why don’t you go get ready, and we’ll get breakfast, okay?”
“Okay!” Chris beams at him before heading down the hall. Eddie watches him go for a moment before looking back to Buck, who’s kind of just blinking owlishly at this point.
“Morning to you too, sunshine.” Eddie says, grinning. Buck grimaces slightly, using one hand to reach up and rub at the back of his neck and the other to throw the blanket over Eddie. Eddie just laughs and drags it off, standing again, holding out a hand, “You get breakfast started, I’ll get you some Advil, alright?”
Buck eyes his hand suspiciously for a long moment - no doubt not too happy being laughed at this early in the morning - before taking it and hauling himself up off the couch. “Deal. You actually go grocery shopping recently?”
“Yes, you jerk. You went with us, remember?” Eddie shoots back, still grinning.
Buck just makes a shooing motion at him before heading for the kitchen. Eddie rolls his eyes, but goes to get the Advil as promised. When he makes it back to the kitchen, Buck’s already got out everything he needs for pancakes.
“You know, he gets really, really upset when you’re not here and he can’t have pancakes.” Eddie says, slipping up to lean against the counter beside him, offering over the pill bottle.
Chris isn’t the only one that’s upset when Buck isn’t here in the morning, but that’s another matter entirely.
Buck just rolls his eyes, even as he takes the bottle with a muttered thanks, downing a couple with a glass of water Eddie hadn’t noticed. “I’ve tried to show you how to make ‘em, you know. Hell, they even have instructions on the box mixes. It’s not that hard.” He’s grumbling, but Eddie can see the curl at the corner of his lips, and just laughs when Buck hip-checks him to try and get his point across. Or possibly to move him away from the mixing bowl. Either way, it works.
“Yeah, yeah. I can make the box mixes, but it’s not as good and you know it.” And Eddie meant it, even if Buck just rolled his eyes and went back to prepping. A lot of things just...weren’t as good without Buck’s hand in it.
He loved the mornings he actually got to spend with Chris that weren’t a mad dash out the door to get him to school, or to get him to his tia’s or abuela’s so he could make it to his shift. He loved just hanging out with his kid, both of them in their pjs, eating cereal in front of the tv, or doing their morning exercises, or just...just hanging out in the quiet of a slow morning.
He wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
But, watching Buck bustle around his kitchen like he owned the place, remembering how his first thoughts that morning went to their little ‘tradition’, and how his heart had just...melted, seeing the two of them together this morning...Goddamn, he’d give a lot to add to their mornings. To add Buck to them.
Speaking of which though…
“So...why was Chris out here?”
Buck pauses slightly, not looking up, before he huffs softly, shoulders slouching a little. “He had a nightmare. Didn’t really wanna wake either of us. I’m pretty sure he checked your room first, then came out to me, to see if either of us was already awake.”
And something in Eddie’s chest clenches hard as he glances down the hall.
“Hey…” Buck says, and Eddie has to drag his eyes away, finds Buck watching him with a small, lopsided smile. “We talked, okay? He’ll wake you up next time. He just thought both of us were tired lately. It wasn’t about hiding, just a bit of a way too grown up worry for him.”
Eddie feels his lungs unclench, nodding slightly. “That’s…yeah,” he sighs softly, “Thanks, Buck…”
Buck just hums, going back to his pancakes, like it was nothing. Like staying up with his kid in the middle of the night was just something he did. Like everything about this morning was...was normal.
And Eddie watches him for a long moment. Takes in the rumpled state of Buck’s sweats and shirt. The crease in the back of his hair from where he’d been leaning back against the couch. Considers the fact that he hadn’t thought twice about the fact that Buck was there to help if something had gone wrong with Chris.
Thinks about how, every time he smiles that sleepy, sunshine dipped smile those mornings after they managed to convince him to stay over, Eddie’s heart skips a beat, and all he wants to do is make those mornings last forever.
Thinks about just how much he’d give to make those mornings their actual normal.
Gets a crazy idea blooming in the back of his head, even as his heart starts beating double-time in his chest.
Starts wondering if it really was so crazy.
Buck turns to ask something - what, he has no idea - but pauses, blinking at Eddie. He gives him a confused smile, “Eddie, you okay man? You look a little…” he makes a hand motion that Eddie’s not entirely sure how to interpret.
“Buck. I’m about to do something, and all I ask is that you don’t punch me.”
Buck blinks. “Uh, okay?”
And that’s all Eddie needs to duck in and press a soft kiss to Buck’s lips - a sweet slide of skin and breath and he’s pulling back again, bracing for...for whatever Buck’s reaction is going to be.
And Buck...Buck just stares at him for a long moment. And Eddie’s getting prepared to apologize, to back pedal hard enough he knows he’s going to hurt himself, just to...to fix this because holy fuck he didn’t actually think that could go wrong. But of course it did, because he was being impulsive and goddammit he needed-
“Does it count as punching if it’s with my mouth?” Buck asks, and Eddie...Eddie does not get that. At all.
“What?” is about all he can manage.
Buck scowls at him, but he’s also apparently trying not to laugh, before he’s grabbing Eddie’s shirt and hauling him in closer, “Get back over here, Diaz,” and Eddie still has no idea what’s going on, but Buck’s actually kissing him again, and you know what, he doesn’t need to know what’s going on because that? That is fantastic.
Buck’s still got one hand curled in his shirt, the other wrapping around his neck, and Eddie has no idea what to do with his hands, so they settle on Buck’s waist because it’s there, and with how Buck basically melts into him, Eddie’s going to go ahead and assume he did okay then.
For all that they can’t seem to get close enough, the kiss stays soft, almost exploratory in how they move with each other, just figuring out where one starts and the other begins. Buck is heavy against his chest and sweet on his tongue. (Eddie vaguely remembers seeing raspberries on the counter, can’t help but smile at the thought.)
“Daaaaaaaaad, Buuuuuuuuuck,” Chris whines, startling both of them apart. Eddie blinks at Buck, who blinks back at him, wearing an almost dazed expression that Eddie’s pretty sure he’s matching, before both of them turn to look at Chris, who’s standing in the doorway. He’s dressed and his hair is brushed, and he looks incredibly grossed out. “Not by the pancakes,” he tacks on, before making his way to the table.
And Eddie...Eddie just laughs, Buck busting out barely a breath later, having to bury his face against Eddie’s neck to try and muffle them. It fails miserably, and all Eddie can hear is these hiccuping, helpless little giggles in his ear, and feel them shake Buck’s chest against his.
Eddie turns his head enough to press a kiss to Buck’s temple, even if he himself is still laughing a little too hard for it to be coordinated.
Looks like their new normal was off to a fantastic start.