Chapter Text
[Gordon is standing in the doorway, staring down Benrey trying to eat popcorn in the least productive fashion he can]
GORDON: What
BENREY: busy day of being a little clumsy boy huh
GORDON: How
BENREY: fuckin dumbass
BENREY: left your window open
GORDON: I di-WHERE IS MY SON?
[Gordon gets frantic and grabs Benrey]
BENREY: daddys little epic fail’s in bed dude chill
GORDON: This is my-You are in my house. My house. The one I live in. This has to be illegal.
GORDON: You put Joshua to bed???
BENREY: what like its hard
GORDON: He’s three years old, of COURSE it’s fucking hard to put him to bed-WHY ARE YOU HERE.
BENREY: all he wanted was a story and his blankie dude went ni-ni daddy
GORDON: You-
[Deep breath]
GORDON: You are not his dad. I’M his dad.
BENREY: aw bro not any longer you’re not
[Gordon buries his face in his hands]
GORDON: That is literally my son-
BENREY: my shitty son too now
GORDON: -coming in here and just fucking-
BENREY: you need to calm down
GORDON: -MY son in MY house-
BENREY: fuckin loser’s never heard of joint custody
GORDON: -barely act like an adult yourself-HE’S NOT YOUR SON.
BENREY: hey quiet. dont wake him up
BENREY: you don’t wanna wake him up and have to put him-uh, back to bed would ya?
GORDON: …
[Gordon gets a flask out of his coat pocket]
BENREY: can i have some
GORDON: No.
[Gordon goes to bed as normal and gets up in the morning.]
[Benrey is still there. He is in Gordon’s kitchen, putting milkless cereal in the microwave. Gordon looks like the second caffeine touches him he is ready to have a stroke. But not at that present moment.]
GORDON: You are still in my house.
BENREY: yea
GORDON: Why haven’t you gone home?
BENREY:
GORDON: …Okay, CAN you go home?
BENREY:
GORDON: You don’t have a home do you.
BENREY:
GORDON: You just fucking live wherever you end up at any given moment, don’t you.
BENREY: congrats gramps you finally won bingo night
GORDON: You are literally the human equivilant of cardiac arrest.
[Benrey presses buttons on the microwave at random and leaves the cereal in there.]
BENREY: joshie’s still asleep
GORDON: Jo-No.
BENREY: no?
GORDON: You don’t get to call him that.
BENREY: why not
[Gordon places a hand on Benrey’s shoulder, making a forward motion with his hand to emphasize every beat.]
GORDON: Because. I. Am his dad. And you. Are not.
BENREY: i can be
GORDON: No.
BENREY: no?
GORDON: No.
GORDON: Now stop-oh for fucking-stop trying to blow up my fucking microwave and let me get him set for daycare.
[The cereal is on fire]
BENREY: you don’t need daycare bro
GORDON: Yes I do. I have to go to work and nobody else is here t-
GORDON: Don’t even. Don’t even ask. Don’t even ask if you can watch Joshua. Because the answer is a resounding, most definite-
BENREY: 3 parts water for every 1 part apple juice, cut the sandwiches into triangles and the elephant’s name is bunny and the bunny’s name is mister man
GORDON:
BENREY: every step of the thomas the tank engine and rainbow dash wedding must be followed to the letter, no sugary snacks after 3 pm, piggy back rides are now barnacles on a great whale and need to be addressed accordingly
GORDON:
GORDON: You are.
GORDON: My hell incarnate.
GORDON: Something beyond the universe is pissed at me and they sent you.
GORDON: That has to be it, there’s literally no goddamn explanation for why you do anything that y-
BENREY: you’re already late bro
GORDON: Fine, then he’s coming with me.
BENREY:
BENREY: so you trust black mesa more than you trust me
GORDON: Y-
[Gordon pauses, and looks down. He is caught in a moment of intense self evaluation.]
BENREY: baby’s first resonance cascade in there
GORDON: …
GORDON: …Sandwiches are four triangles.
BENREY: kay
GORDON: And I’m making my friend in security drop by at noon on his lunch break so help me god-
BENREY: kayy
GORDON: I’m calling back an hour after that-
BENREY: you wanna show up late dick out again or what bro
GORDON: If anything, ANYTHING, happens, I’ll kill god my-fucking-self to make sure you’re sent straight to hell.
BENREY: yeah okay cool
[Benrey throws a lab coat at Gordon, and basically pushes Gordon out the door.]
BENREY: that’s cool take me out to dinner first you’re late okay byyyyyyeeeeee
[He turns on a dime and walks back into the kitchen to put out the fire]
BENREY, MOCKINGLY: euhh i’m gordon freeeeeeeman im all tough and fuckin macho man gonna make every college bro think they’re on my level
[Benrey locates the fire extinguisher first try]
BENREY: waaaooooohhh i’ll kill god yeah i’d love to watch you try motherfucker
[Extinguishing the fire, he leaves the mess but checks the fire alarm for dead batteries]
BENREY: wuuuhh bluuuuuhhhh what if benrey hurts my fuckin… kiiiiid wuhhhhh
[Benrey continues talking to himself making fun of Gordon, walking to the door decorated with cheap stickers.]
BENREY: wuhhh yeah right like i’d…
[Joshua is still asleep, miraculously. Benrey blinks slowly, considering something.]
BENREY:
BENREY: ah fuck i’d die for this kid wouldn’t i