Chapter Text
[now that all the (main) cast have been introduced, we've put them into a single post for easier reference. some details have been edited to reflect the current storyline and to expand on the earlier biographies.]
KARKAT VANTAS (RESIDENT)
AGE: 18
Institutionalized 1 week prior to story beginning after a public meltdown led to him beating up a wall at his school in front of everybody. Anger issues, panic attacks, depression. Insomniac. Got in a fight with Gamzee Makara his first day but has calmed down. Refused to leave his room the first week but John Egbert managed to drag him out.
Indian-American. Short. Hair standing on end from being pulled more or less constantly. Needs his iPod to survive. Wears large pair of noise-canceling headphones to project an attitude of DO NOT TALK TO ME DO NOT LOOK AT ME GO AWAYness, which doesn't work. No tact whatsoever.
Tries to act tough but he's mostly harmless.
"YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, SHITPIRATE?"
SOLLUX CAPTOR (RESIDENT)
AGE: 20
A frequent visitor to St. Lobaf due to treatment-resistant rapid-cycling type 1 bipolar illness. Most recently admitted by his fathers as a transfer from the county hospital following his latest overdose. Forgot to change out of the hospital gown before he left and ended up wearing it (and not much else) for several days at St. Lobaf. Tall. Painfully skinny. Bitter because he should be at MIT but instead he's wandering around a mental hospital raving about the apocalypse and talking to himself. Flips his bifurcated lid and any nearby tables when people bring up the mysterious Aradia in conversation.
Still waiting patiently for his glasses and body jewelry privileges to be restored.
Reclusive or obnoxiously social depending on mood.
Current holder of the Fucking Ugly Stuffed Bee.
"ii am 2o not iin the mood for thii2."
JOHN EGBERT (RESIDENT)
AGE: 18
Admitted six weeks prior to start of Brainbent. Signed own admission slip accompanied by father. Tells anyone who asks that he is here because his "prankster's gambit is at an all-time low". The general consensus among other residents is that he thinks he's a character in a video game. Plays jokes on staff and other residents and has a contagious giggle.
Was the first resident to persuade Karkat to leave his room via cruel and unusual application of CELINE DION.
"hahaha, yeah. that was pretty funny."
EQUIUS ZAHHAK (STAFF)
AGE: 35
Live-in supervisor for the male dormitory of St. Lobaf. Breaks up altercations and gives STRONG assistance as needed. Has been voted 'silkiest hair of the entire staff' every year since he joined the faculty. Trained nurse with 5 years paramedic experience before that. Police academy drop-out.
A little bit on the off-putting side in terms of personality. Virtually no sense of humor, and a strictly by-the-book enforcer of clinic procedure.
The mere thought of his powerful and slightly damp embrace is often enough to calm the most volatile temper tantrum.
"D --> To whomever is hiding small containers of chicken nuggets in the bathroom vent: you will stop."
TAVROS NITRAM (INTERN)
AGE 22
St. Lobaf's newest staff addition. Doing an internship between semesters. Majoring in child and adolescent psychology with a goal of becoming a crisis counselor. Active in local PFLAG and survivor communities for the past 4 years.
Paraplegic following a T12 spinal cord injury. Unironic believer in fairies and the power of positive thinking. Lifelong Minnesotan. Loves to cook. Forbidden to attempt to rap on campus grounds due to risk of mass resident mutiny. Excellent with younger people, even if they think he's a bit of a dork.
The originator of the Fucking Ugly Stuffed Bee (Which he attempted to name Beeatrice, but was promptly overruled and no one remembers it).
"dO YOU MAYBE WANT, UH, TO TALK ABOUT IT?"
DR. TEREZI PYROPE (CHIEF OF STAFF)
AGE: 34
The youngest head of faculty in the history of St. Lobaf. Staff psychiatrist with part-time therapy duty.
Old high school D&D club empress for life and 1999 FLARP championship survivor. College nickname: Tiny Asian Doogie Howser. Current nickname: Doctor Tongue.
Legally blind following childhood accident. Synaesthetic (smells and tastes colors, shapes and certain sounds). May or may not have once licked a resident. Thinks the rumors are pretty much hilarious. Favorite color: candy red.
Wanted to be staff art therapist on top of regular duties but was quickly replaced when housekeeping bills became prohibitive.
Presently embroiled in a friendly rivalry with young ingenue of the psychology world and aspiring therapist Rose Lalonde.
"H3H3H3H3, YOU C4NNOT 3SC4P3 TH3 TH3R4P3UT1C CL4W OF 4 TRU3 S33R OF M1ND."
KANAYA MARYAM (RESIDENT)
AGE: 21
Admitted herself 6 weeks prior to Brainbent for intensive therapy for anxiety and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Garden aficionado who runs a farmer's market stall every summer. Hobbies include buying and 'remixing' vintage clothing, original fashion design, and performing podfics of trashy supernatural romance fiction. Works part-time as a hairdresser.
Bugs, fusses and meddles from time to time, but gives excellent advice.
"Oh No Is It Supposed To Be Smoking Sollux I Am Not Good With Computers"
JADE HARLEY (RESIDENT)
AGE: 17
Came to St. Lobaf as a last step of reintegrating into society. Lived with her elderly paranoid survivalist grandfather in his mountain cabin since early childhood. Was never exposed to other people in groups larger than the occasional hunting party.
Grandpa went to town alone until his health failed. After his death, Jade lived alone with her dog Becquerel, eating the rations from the bomb shelter. Jade eventually became lonely enough to follow Grandpa's map down the mountain for the first time in her life, and walked into a police station asking to speak to "the authorities".
Was very surprised to learn that the world isn't actually on the verge of nuclear war after all. Has decided to stay in the 21st century because it's really really amazing!!!!!!!
"im not a feral child, asshole. jeez! :P"
GAMZEE MAKARA (RESIDENT)
AGE: 19
One of the longer-term residents. Has been at St. Lobaf for just over a year, dealing with major perception and depersonalization issues. Perpetual lost boy with long history of drifting around the country. Most recently joined Juggalo subculture, looking for meaning and family. Wants to be a pastry chef and wear one of those fuckin epic bitchtits hats and decorate cakes for little kids with like flowers and smileys and shit. Everyone's best friend :o)
"NaH mAn, It'S oKaY tO lOoK. eVeRy MoThErFuCkEr GoTs sCaRs."
VRISKA SERKET (RESIDENT)
AGE: 17
Pictured here in the costume she wore to her last Halloween party. And to her Junior Prom. And sometimes in public whenever she's bored and the rest of her clothes are in the laundry. You know, whenever.
Came to St. Lobaf two months ago, has been causing trouble ever since.
Hellraiser. Drama queen. Pain in the ass. Pushes people's buttons whenever possible. Self-identifies as a slut. Self-identifies as a crazy bitch. History of behavior indicative of borderline personality disorder. Possible sociopath. Oppositional-defiant. Histrionic to the max. Will gleefully invoke her various (and conflicting) diagnoses as needed when she gets caught misbehaving, which is often. Secretly thinks psychology is a load of horseshit.
Lost left arm and left eye in a motorcycle accident last year. Shows off her skin grafts and road rash scars to anyone who stands still long enough. Laughs like a hyena anytime she gets a rise out of someone. Feels empty when no one's watching.
"What!? It's not my fault you're a pussy!"
FEFERI PEIXES (DORM SUPERVISOR, FEMALE WARD)
AGE: 31
Worked at St. Lobaf for the past 3 years as support staff. Has recently taken over role of dorm supervisor after Ms. Paint's semi-retirement and art therapy room takeover.
Saltwater aquarium enthusiast and respected breeder of butterfly koi in her off-time. Keeps small freshwater aquarium in staff room. Designed and dug the St. Lobaf duck pond. Got permission to install said duck pond the morning after it was completed.
Has been described as a cheerful little drill sergeant. Once encouraged Tavros Nitram to create a designated comfort object "like a cute little stuffed dolp)(in or somet)(ing like t)(at!" to offer lonely residents. This innocent suggestion later led to the creation of a certain plush eldritch abomination that has haunted the dorms ever since. Do not piss her off.
Occasionally sneaks really shitty fish puns into conversation. The condition is contagious (see also: Eridan Ampora). Seriously, do not piss her off.
")(-----EY!!!! You make it sound like I have anchor management issues!" 38O
DAVE STRIDER (RESIDENT)
AGE: 15
The youngest person at St. Lobaf, which means he's clearly some kind of coolkid prodigy.
Removed from his brother's custody last year at the age of 13 after a number of visits by Child Protective Services and following his brother's incarceration on unrelated charges. Moved from foster home to institutionalized care eight months ago due to his behavioral issues. History of self-injury. Had the worst birthday ever in December when the courts agreed to extend his stay in the foster system another six months.
He has been at St. Lobaf for five months at the start of the story, and remains largely uncooperative with treatment. Actively participates in Dr. Pyrope's daily "blind lessons" to help cope with his low vision and lack of depth perception because tripping over shit all the time is uncool as fuck. Had only recently begun speaking or interacting with others after months of being "on strike" when Bro lost his appeal for custody. Has stopped talking again.
Has excellent hair.
"..."
NEPETA LEIJON (RESIDENT)
AGE: 18
Measuring in at all of four foot ten, Nepeta is nevertheless a STRONG kitty! :33
Came to St. Lobaf the same week as Jade Harley. High-functioning autistic with sensory processing issues. Currently on leave from college after the stress of her freshman year led to a total meltdown. Loves the comfort room's light box, the texture of fur, and watching cartoons. Wants to be a vet and work with horses and cats. Hero-worships Dave Strider. Completely in love with Equius Zahhak's beautiful girl-hair and muscles.
Rose has inspired her to practice her interpersonal relation skills by observing the interactions of other residents. This has, somehow, spawned the creation of Nepeta's Famous Shipping Wall. Kanaya X Doctor Pyrope?
She ships it.
":33 < i would be lion if i said i didn't! h33 h33 h33!!!"
ROSE LALONDE (RESIDENT)
AGE: 18
Upon initial observation, Ms. Lalonde appears indistinguishable from any other individual comprising the vast majority of her peers, albeit a bit on the grimdark side. Closer investigation by a careful observer, however, is quite likely to reveal hitherto unexplored glimpses at a personality not entirely unlike the multifaceted surface of a specimen of museum-quality bism--
oh screw.
Smart as a whip, high-achieving, a slightly smug bookworm with an introverted personality, Rose Lalonde comes from a perfect household, wanting for nothing. Her mother is perfect. Her home is perfect. Everything in her life is perfect, actually, except for Rose herself. She hides her insecurity behind a wall of sarcasm and acerbic wit, but her knowledge of psychology and excellent insight recently convinced her to ask for help, with or without the approval of her family.
Rose is determined to remain at St. Lobaf doing intensive therapy until she is ready to confront her outside life (and her family) without relapsing into her illness.
Current project: analyzing and neutralizing her urge to compete with her mother, especially the part with the excessive drinking and rampant self-image issues.
"I see you've neglected to include any mention of my penchant for knitting in your biography. What a shame."
ERIDAN AMPORA (RESIDENT)
AGE: 17
Admitted in May after a certain notebook full of disturbing fictional stories and elaborate plans for a graduation day school massacre made it into the hands of the school administration. Voluntarily entered treatment at St. Lobaf in exchange for the terroristic threat charges being dropped.
The shyest resident. Spends most of his time writing his stories and brooding.
"if you say you nevver thought about it youre a fuckin liar"
PENELOPE MESSENGER (STAFF)
AGE: 33
Head nurse. Rules the front desk with an iron fist, doles out evening meds and brings the mail to the residents every afteroon.
Collects stamps and postcards from around the world and chairs the St. Lobaf Penpal Society (membership at last count: 3). Only staff member to ever be proved capable of taking Feferi in a fight. Still has a bit of her German accent.
Also there’s something going on between her and Dr. WV, hmmmm! They met at a Firefly convention.
"Oh, look! Another of those pink glittery postcards from Dave's brother."
DR. WILLIAM VALENTINE (STAFF)
AGE: 43
Child and adolescent developmental psychologist working under Dr. Pyrope. Specializes in anxiety disorders and trauma counseling. Fought in Desert Storm in 1991, where he developed a special interest in the treatment of PTSD. Has decided to run for mayor of Northfield once his term on the school board is up.
His office is a giant toy box. All ages of client will be offered at least one doll during their session. At least half will accept without ever quite knowing why.
Can't dress his way out of a wet paper bag. Tries anyway, to varying effect.
"PM is the bee's pajamas!"
ARADIA MEGIDO
Sollux's platonic better half. Archaeology nut. Anthropology fan. Music box, fossil and memento mori collector. Persian-American adopted daughter of the saxophone player for the Midnight Crew.
The Droog/Megido household is also the Northfield Serenity Funeral Home. Sollux is scared shitless of the place, and has always been totally creeped out by AA's casual and occasionally downright chipper attitude towards her family business.
He is convinced the place is haunted as fuck.
"Oh, come on. They're just dead people, they can't hurt you. You might as well get used to it--after all, we're all going to die someday! 0u0"