Chapter Text
Ahsoka Tano had always dreaded meditation. She had only done it when Anakin made her, which had usually been when other Jedi were around. Her old master had a similar attitude towards the practice, he only did it when Obi-Wan made him. She always wanted to do something that actually seemed useful. Who had time to meditate in a war? Meditation was for Masters, it was nothing but punishment for Padawans. Padawans were meant to be in the action, in her mind. Losing your attachments to the world, being immersed in the light of the Force, it all sounded great in theory. In practice, more often than not she found herself trying not to think about how much she needed to use the restroom.
Ahsoka opened her eyes with an impatient groan. It looked like she had lost that particular battle again. I've fought off dark Jedi and assassins, but I can't beat my own bladder. She got up from where she had sat cross-legged on the carpet of Riyo's living room, making her way towards the refresher. There was no sound but the soft echoing of her own footsteps, the lack of light from outside letting her know that she had been at it well into the night. Riyo must have gone to bed a while ago, not wanting to disturb her friend's meditation attempt. If I didn't notice that, Ahsoka thought as she opened the door to the 'fresher, then I'm pretty terrible at being a bodyguard.
She sat down and let her bladder release. Why was she even trying to meditate, when she found it so boring? No one could make her now, it's not like she got assignments from Jedi Masters anymore. Ahsoka let the back of her head rest against the wall behind her with a soft thump and stared at the ceiling. There was no denying it, the only reason she even tried meditating anymore was out of habit, because it was one of the few things she still had that connected her to her past life. She couldn't just stop being a Jedi, no matter how much she wanted to. It wasn't her name on a roster list, or the braid that had marked her rank of Padawan, or even her lightsaber that made her a Jedi. It was a way of life that she had lived for as long as she could remember. Thirteen years. It was such an incredibly small fraction of her natural life span. How many years would it take for her to stop wasting time with meditation?
Padawans leaving the Order were rare, even if they numbered far more than the twenty Masters who had left. Expulsion was much more common. She remembered hearing a few months before her own ordeal that a fellow Togruta Padawan, a male named Codi Ty, was expelled for seeking vengeance against Grievous. At least they had done the kindness of putting her name back on the rolls, before marking her as having left of her own free will.
Her Padawan "braid" was pulled roughly from her headdress as Ki-Adi Mundi verbally beat her down, not severed by a lightsaber blade in a Knighting ceremony. As a Togruta, Ahsoka couldn't grow hair, so she had used a string of beads to mark her Padawan status. She'd been so used to it's comforting weight that she only noticed it when it occasionally rubbed against her sensitive lekku, forcing her to suppress a shiver. The only time she had taken it off in the short two and a half years of her apprenticeship was the brief period when Cad Bane took it from her as a trophy. When she left she had closed Anakin's hands around it, and she suspected he had kept it as a tragic keepsake of his errant apprentice. Ahsoka didn't even have her old lightsaber anymore - the weapon that now sat on an end table in the next room was built by her a just few months ago on an expedition to Ilum. Ahsoka knew that Anakin would be relieved that she was armed, but she didn't want to imagine what his face would look like if he learned who else had accompanied her and left with their own lightsaber. The Jedi Council's expression, on the other hand… Ahsoka cracked a small smile as the image of the shocked, appalled Masters popped into her head.
It would serve them right.
At least losing her old lightsaber and shoto in the depths of Coruscant had saved her from that moment when she would have had to leave the weapons behind in the Temple along with the life they represented.
I suppose you should thank Barriss then, a bitingly sarcastic thought asked, for beating you to a pulp?
Ahsoka winced at the thought. Thinking of the Jedi she'd considered her best friend was still too painful. It probably always would be, but that didn't stop her mind from wandering to her. There were just too many things that reminded her of Barriss. Something she heard would remind her of something Barriss had said once, making her remember a newly bittersweet memory. Once, a few weeks ago, she'd been guarding Riyo as she met with the reinstated Senator of newly-reconquered Mirial, and Ahsoka hadn't been able to look any of the green-skinned, tattooed humanoids in the eye. Which was completely ridiculous, but knowing that didn't change it.
Ahsoka flushed the 'fresher and stood up. It's not like I'd be able to thank her even if I actually wanted to. Barriss had died on the same day the Separatists attacked Coruscant, while Ahsoka and Ventress were off on Ilum. Right after the blasted, nonsensical, insane vision she'd seen on that frozen rock had convinced Ahsoka that there was still good in her "friend" after all.
She walked over to the sink and slammed her hands down on the counter much harder than she'd meant to. What was the kriffing point of showing her that if Barriss was already dying?! Ahsoka closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She knew she shouldn't think like that, it's not like raging at the Force would get her anywhere.
It's not like you're going anywhere anyway, that bitter internal voice said.
Ahsoka looked in the shining mirror behind the sink, staring at her own reflection. Her lekku seemed a bit longer than the last time she'd checked, and her montrals were getting more pronounced too. Other than that, she was still the spitting image of Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Padawan and Commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, even down to her clothes. But she wasn't that anymore, she was… what?
After Ilum, the Battle of Coruscant, and Asajj's celebration, she had contacted her friend Senator Riyo Chuchi of Pantora, and Riyo had offered her a place to sleep and a position as her bodyguard. It gave Ahsoka a good resting place to think about her future, but she was no closer to deciding what she would do than she had been when she walked down the Temple stairs nine months ago. She enjoyed spending so much time with Riyo, but Ahsoka knew that being a bodyguard was definitely not her calling in life. Even if now and then she got to see Padme too. There was an unspoken offer of help from the Naboo senator, but Ahsoka knew that Padme didn't speak it for a reason.
Working for Padme would mean seeing Anakin, and Ahsoka didn't know if she was ready for that. More importantly, she did know that he wasn't ready for that. In their few conversations, they had deliberately avoided the topic of Anakin Skywalker, but Ahsoka didn't need the Force to tell that Padme was worried about him. She knew that her former Master and Padme were…close, like she had implied to Anakin in her last conversation with him, but she really didn't want to learn just how close. She especially wanted to think that the noticeable swelling of Padme's stomach over the last few months was because she was indulging in too many sweets. The other option was problematic, to say the least. Maybe Skyguy will be following my example soon, eh? Ahsoka grinned at the idea. The two of them, traveling the Galaxy, no Jedi Council to answer to, fighting injustice wherever they went? The fantasy was appealing, to say the least. But it was just that, a fantasy. Anakin wouldn't really leave the order. Ahsoka removed her gloves and turned the water on, leaning down to splash it in her face.
And he and Padme definitely have not done… that!
She almost believed it.
Ahsoka reached for one of Riyo's towels to dry off. She needed to focus on finding something real to do, not fantasize about some crazy vigilante scheme with Anakin. She didn't lack for options, that was for sure. There were no less than three galactic Senators and two actual monarchs who would gladly help her out, she could probably get any position she wanted on Naboo, Pantora, Dac, or Onderon. She would definitely be welcomed on Kiros too, for that matter. Roshtii had practically named her the a hero of the planet, along with Anakin and Master Kenobi. But the thought of going to her own people led her thoughts to some of the things she had wondered about for months now. Her homeworld, Shili, a place she only remembered visiting once, when she'd earned the Akul-tooth headdress she wore now. Before that there were only a few vague, fuzzy memories of a small village in the red-and-white savannas. Did she have family there? Were they alive? Did they know about anything she had done since they had turned her over to Plo Koon? Did they even care? Had they smiled to find her name show up in a holonet news report from the front lines, or anxiously followed her trial for treason? Or had they done their best to move on, to pretend that there had never been an Ahsoka Tano. Maybe they were dead, or maybe at that moment they were wondering if their long-lost relative would seek them out.
And though she didn't seriously consider the possibility for a second, the Jedi would always welcome her back. But it was impossible now, for so many reasons. She couldn't look any of them in the eye and would never able to listen to them talk without remembering the time they had cast her out without making sure what they were doing was right. Ahsoka wasn't an idiot; she knew in hindsight that the Council hadn't really had a choice. Trying her themselves would have looked incredibly biased.
Because the Senate sure wasn't biased, she thought darkly.
A few days earlier she had escorted Riyo to a meeting with the Supreme Chancellor. A dozen senators - led by Padme - had gone in front of him and showed him a petition with over two thousand signatures from their colleagues that demanded he relinquish his emergency powers. And when she heard Palpatine blow them off as she stood outside the door with the other security officers, she remembered the way he had argued against her case when he was supposed to be her impartial judge.
At that moment she had realized that mistrust in the Jedi wasn't the only reason she had left them. She had heard the Jedi described as guardians of peace and justice, but neither of those things had existed for three years. There was something wrong with the Galactic Republic itself, and Ahsoka couldn't fight for it anymore and keep a clean conscience. Maybe it would change soon now. Dooku was dead at Anakin's hand, a fact that she couldn't help but feel proud of. The war couldn't last much longer, and maybe things would go back to normal soon. Riyo seemed to think it would, but Ahsoka couldn't bring herself to be optimistic. The entire thing just left a bitter taste in her mouth now, a far cry from the eager young Padawan who wanted nothing more than to show the Seppies why it was a bad idea to mess with Jedi.
How many other people had trials like hers these days, and weren't as lucky?
Ahsoka didn't know if she wanted to know the answers to that question. She replaced the now damp towel on the rack she'd gotten it from and yawned. All of that heavy stuff could wait, right now she just wanted to get some sleep.
Ahsoka turned towards the door and took a step forward.
And then she screamed.
Ahsoka had felt disturbances in the Force before, she'd felt darkness, even evil. But none of it compared to the blast of utter dread that hit her then. There were a thousand voices screaming inside her head, voices full of pain, fear, anger, hatred. She was falling through darkness, flashes of hazy, ill-defined scenes of horror leaping into view, only to dissolve into smoke before she could get a good look at them. She heard blaster fire, the hum of lightsabers, the sound of them clashing together, the terrible sound they made cleaving into flesh. She heard an utterly inhuman growl, the sound of glass shattering, and above it all the screams. The Force itself was reeling as darkness enshrouded her and everything else. The cacophony was inside her head, it was everywhere. It had only been a few seconds, but they had felt like hours of torment. Finally the wretched screams were petering out, fading away. No, not fading, they were just ending. Abruptly cutting off without warning, one by one they fell silent.
Ahsoka felt bone-chillingly cold. Without even realizing what she was doing, Ahsoka reached out towards him, the only one she knew could make it stop, the man whose warmth could banish the cold and the dark of the entire galaxy. For the first time in months the Force bond she shared with her Master flared to life; no matter how far apart in the Galaxy they were, she and Anakin were always right with each other when they wanted.
Help me Master!
What she felt in response was beyond horrific. The darkness was pulsing through their link, contaminating their mental bond. Instead of comfortingly warm, it was searingly hot. All of the anger, the hatred, all the terrifying madness of it all was flowing from him, overpowering the Anakin she knew, and it was burning her.
And she could hear his voice above all the others, a deep scream that seemed to come from the depths of his soul.
It blew Ahsoka back, sending her tumbling end over end.
Master, no! Please it's me, Ahsoka! I need you!
She tried to fight her way back against the dark current, back to the one who could save her.
Anakin!
It stopped. The line went dead, cut off. Severed.
Anakin, come back! I need you!
There was no response from him, and Ahsoka slipped and fell, desperately holding on so she didn't lose the path entirely.
Anakin!
There was mocking laughter now echoing all around her, drowning out the remaining screams, but it was not Anakin's. She recognized it instantly, and saw the face it belonged to floating before her for just a split second. Pale, white, hairless, glowing red eyes, a knowing smirk on his face, crimson red stripes running down that made it seem like blood ran from his eyes.
The Son of Mortis was laughing at her.
She summoned up all her strength for one last try, one more yell into the storm.
ANAKIN!
Ahsoka! Someone was shouting her name, but it was not Anakin.
Ahsoka wake up! What's wrong?!
Ahsoka's awareness flashed back to reality, and she felt the cold tiled floor of the refresher against her skin. There were hands on her shoulders, a light, warm touch that seemed to be afraid it would break her if it pushed harder.
"Ahsoka!"
Her eyes shot open at the sound of Riyo Chuchi's voice. Her friend crouched over her, her face the palest shade of blue imaginable. Her golden eyes were wide in shock and her lavender hair disheveled.
"I-I'm f-fine," Ahsoka stammered without thinking.
"No you are not!" Riyo's voice went high-pitched. "I heard you screaming all the way from my bedroom!" Ahsoka hadn't even realized she was screaming, everyone else's had drowned her out. "What is it?" Riyo seemed to notice then that she was crowding Ahsoka, their faces only a few inches apart. She stood up and took a few steps back, and Ahsoka noticed Riyo was barely half-dressed. She must have run straight from her sleep. Riyo didn't seem to care; modesty was the last thing on either of their minds.
"Just breathe slowly and tell me what happened."
Oh, Ahsoka thought. She had been so focused on Riyo that she hadn't noticed she was practically hyperventilating. She fought to keep her breathing under control, to shake the horrible dread that had seized her.
"Jedi thing," she gasped out finally, wincing at her instinctive description. She tried to stand up, and Riyo grasped her by the hands to help steady her.
"Do I need to call a medic? Or the Temple, or something?" Riyo's breathing was barely any more controlled. Is she shaking, or is that me? Ahsoka wobbled uncertainty, her feet barely supporting her weight.
"No, I'll be alright, it was something…" She struggled to find the right words. "Wrong, with the Force." Something Riyo had said struck a chord. Temple! A new, foreboding terror came over her, and Ahsoka wrenched her hands out of her friend's, bolting for the apartment's balcony.
No no no no no no-
Not having time to bother with the controls, Ahsoka slid the glass door aside with the Force. She skidded to a stop, her momentum carrying her to the railing which she gripped like she was holding on for her life. The worst fear that she had back inside was realized.
The Jedi Temple was burning.
Ahsoka stared dumbfounded at the cloud of smoke billowing over the ziggurat, dimly aware of Riyo's footsteps running up behind her.
"Ahsoka, what-" Chichi's question ended in a gasp. "No! How could the Separatists attack here again?! The kriffing war is nearly over!"
Even the new and unheard of spectacle of Riyo Chuchi swearing wasn't enough to draw Ahsoka's gaze from the distant, flickering orange lights. And even at this distance she could have sworn she kept seeing flashes of blue in it.Blaster fire.
"Toro! I need you to call emergency services, there's some kind of attack at the Jedi Temple!" Riyo was speaking to someone else, probably over the communicator, but Ahsoka didn't notice. She just stood there blankly, mouth agape, trying to process the image she saw.
I can't believe a Jedi could attack a place this sacred!
She pushed the flashback down to the pit it had emerged from. This was far worse than Barriss' betrayal. My home is burning! No, not my home anymore! I don't care, it was my home for my entire life, I can't just stand here and watch! No no no, I wasn't feeling them die, I did not feel Anakin die, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I can't feel him anymore.
"Ahsoka."
Something in Riyo's tone was enough to make her turn around. Her friend was clutching the communicator so hard in her hands that Ahsoka thought it would break. Riyo had just ended a call with someone. If Ahsoka thought her face was pale before, now it was practically white. She was definitely shaking now.
"Ahsoka, I need you to listen to me very carefully." Riyo's voice was much calmer than she looked, void of emotion, straight to the point.
Ahsoka nodded, unable to speak. Bad feeling didn't begin to cover it.
"I need you to look in my desk and take some things from it. There should be a few hundred credits, a communicator, the keys to my speeder, and a blaster pistol. Take all of them, and you should probably get some food from the pantry, ration bars or something you can eat on the go. There's a medpack under the sink in the kitchen, get that too."
Alright, now Ahsoka was getting scared all over again. "Riyo, what-"
"Ahsoka, there's no time. I just spoke to my secretary, he said that emergency services have been specifically told to ignore the Jedi Temple, it's on military lockdown."
It took a second for her words to sink in.
"WHAT!?"
"It's not a Separatist attack Ahsoka. They're-" Riyo's voice faltered for a moment, and she choked.
"It's the clones. They're attacking the Jedi."
What. No, that's impossible. Rex couldn't do that, he's my friend, none of them could. Riyo, you're talking nonsense.
None of the words came out, Ahsoka didn't make a sound.
Riyo continued over Ahsoka's shocked silence. "The Chancellor's office says that there was some kind of Jedi rebellion, and it's being suppressed-" Riyo nearly spat the word- "by the clone troops."
Ahsoka made an incomprehensible sound, one that she meant to be: Even if that's true, why are you so worried about me?
Riyo seemed to understand the gist of it. She held up her hand to stop Ahsoka.
"I know, you're not a Jedi. It doesn't matter. Toro said that just before I called him a squad of clones came by and asked him where I was, and especially where they could find Ahsoka Tano. They're on the way here right now."
Ahsoka began, "But-"
"Ahsoka they don't care! They're coming here, to kill you. Palpatine thinks even ex-Jedi are a threat to him." Riyo's panic was seeping out around her outward calmness.
"Now listen to me. Desk, credits, comm, food, medpack, speeder. The next part is going to be hard for you, but you have to listen to me, and you have to do it. Understand?" Riyo had forced down the panic from earlier, now she had the calm, commanding tone that had taken her so far in life.
Ahsoka nodded.
"You have knock me out. Tie me up, too."
Ahsoka's eyes went wide. She couldn't have been more shocked if she had asked her to go assassinate the Chancellor.
"Why in the hell should I do that?!"
Riyo fixed her with a steady gaze. "If they think I helped you escape, they'll interrogate me until I tell them everything, and then I'll be executed."
Ahsoka's mouth opened and closed a few times before she found her words. "But what about-"
"What? Rule of law? Democracy? Do you think that exists when Palpatine is having all the Jedi murdered?!" She almost shouted the last word. "All of that's dead, as of tonight. I don't buy that "Jedi Rebellion" line for a second. This is a power grab, no question about it. I'm already going to be under suspicion, I signed the Petition of the 2000. One bit of evidence of so-called treachery, and I'm dead. It has to look like I tried to keep you here. We've got to save each other's lives, Ahsoka."
That was when it really hit her. This was real, this was happening. All the fears she'd never had were happening all at once. This was the beginning of a terrible new chapter in galactic history, and Ahsoka was right in the middle of it. She forced herself to stop leaning against the rail and stand up straight. If she kept freezing up like this she was dead. It wasn't like the last time she was on the run, when Anakin and Master Plo were her pursuers. This was Wasskah, only a thousand times larger. They would kill her on sight now, just for something that she used to be.
And there was no way in this star system or any other that Ahsoka Tano was going to let that happen.
"Alright. I… suppose you want me to do it now?"
Riyo nodded. "Do try to make it convincing."
Ahsoka raised her hands in front of her. Despite all of her amazing resolve, Riyo flinched slightly in anticipation.
"Riyo..." Ahsoka began, eyesight blurring with tears.
"Goodbye, Ahsoka. This is… this is probably goodbye." Riyo looked stricken with pure grief.
She could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks now.
"Thank you. For everything."
Riyo gave a small, sad smile. "That's what friends are for."
Ahsoka closed her eyes. "Goodbye Riyo."
She pushed out with a wave of the Force, directed at the brave, incredible woman standing in front of her.
She heard a crash, a muffled, reflexive cry of pain, and a heavy thump. Ahsoka opened her eyes to see Riyo sprawled on the floor at the far end of the living room, her limbs unnaturally askew in a way that made Ahsoka wince. There were a few cracks on the far wall where she had impacted. A lamp that had been in her path was in a dozen pieces on the floor now, shattered.
Just like the rest of the world.
Ahsoka ran over, checking that she was alright. She felt like her heart was caught in her throat until she felt Riyo's pulse, and the Pantoran let out a soft moan at her touch. There wasn't any permanent damage, but she would probably have a concussion when she woke up, not to mention the bruises that were already appearing, her blue skin turning dark purple. Ahsoka forced down the intense feeling of guilt; Riyo knew what she was signing up for, and there was no time to think. Ahsoka ran into the kitchen, grabbed a few rags off the counter, then ran back. She was in such a hurry that she had to take a second to remember her knot-tying lessons before she got started. She pulled Riyo away from the wall, bound her ankles together, then her knees, finally her wrists. She had to force herself to tighten them, if she didn't make this believable… Don't think about that. She stuffed the remaining rags in Riyo's mouth and tied the last around her head, gagging her for good measure. Sorry, I'm sure someone will find you soon.
There was no time to be sorry. Ahsoka left her friend lying there and ran into Riyo's office, pulling open the drawer of her desk. Hidden behind a couple of datapads was what Riyo had said was there. She grabbed the stack of credits, shoving them into a pocket along with the speeder key. She hesitated over the small holdout blaster before taking it too, making it hang on the hook that had once held her shoto. Hopefully she wouldn't need it. Not even pausing to close the drawer, Ahsoka ran into a hall closet and took an empty rucksack, then went into the pantry. She said to get food. She grabbed everything that looked like meat; some kind of jerky, a few tins of salted fish, a lot of protein bars. Make sure this is stuff you can eat, Tano, Ahsoka reminded herself, cursing her carnivorous anatomy. Satisfied with her choices, Ahsoka went over to the sink and opened the cabinet beneath it. After throwing out a few bottles of cleaner, she found the medpack and dropped it in the bag. She had another thought and filled up a few canteens at the sink. Okay, that should cover it. Ahsoka hoisted the sack over her shoulder and ran across the apartment to the balcony, trying not to look at Riyo's bound form as she passed it. Sorry about the mess. The speeder was parked next to the balcony on a small platform. Ahsoka threw the sack into the passenger seat and started to climb in the open-topped vehicle, only to stop herself.
Blast it, get your act together! How can you forget that, Ahsoka scolded herself. She ran back inside and grabbed her lightsaber off the table, hanging it at its familiar place on her belt. The weight of it made her feel safer, but as she thought about it she realized walking around with a lightsaber in plain sight probably wasn't the smartest idea now. She sprinted into Riyo's bedroom, threw open the closet door, and grabbed the first poncho she saw.Ponchos are the best way to hide your identity, Anakin had told her so long ago, which had made Obi-Wan laugh. Master Kenobi had explained that lesson was passed down all the way from Qui-Gon Jinn. Ahsoka threw it over herself, and froze when she heard a pounding on the apartment's entrance.
"Senator Chuchi! This is Commander Stone of the Coruscant Guard, open this door immediately! We have urgent business!" The muffled voice was instantly recognizable as that of a clone trooper.
Ahsoka used the Force to enhance her speed as she ran outside, jumping into the speeder's open cockpit. She fumbled with the ignition, then gunned it, kicking up a cloud of dust behind her as she sped away into the Coruscant night. She had to swerve immediately to keep from hitting another airspeeder as the other driver's horn blared at her. Ahsoka could feel her lekku blushing in embarrassment. She couldn't repay Riyo's generosity by crashing immediately. Come on Tano, here and now. Ahsoka joined the traffic flow and started putting as much distance between her and 500 Republica as she could. It would take them a few minutes at least to override the lock on Riyo's door to discover the "attacked" senator. She could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage, supercharged with the rush of adrenalin. She lost track of how long she flew, going around in huge circles, trying to frustrate anyone who might be tracking her. The time flew by in a blur, until eventually she felt safe enough to think ahead of the next minute.
Okay… so now what?
Ahsoka pulled out the communicator and stared at the input screen. Who could she call? Padme? She couldn't help any more than Riyo could. One name came to mind, and Ahsoka seized on it. It was a long shot, but there was no one else. She had to concentrate to remember the number, and she typed it in to quickly for her to second guess. There was no harm in trying it, after all.
Come on, pick up, pick up…
A raspy, deeply annoyed voice came through.
"What?! Who the hell is this?"
The relief that filled Ahsoka was tinged with irony. "Ventress! It's me, Ahsoka. I need your help, you won't believe what's happening!"