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Breakdown had seen enough human holiday movies to know that the most relevant ones tended to happen during the season they called Winter, in the tail end of the calendar year. Usually in the movies there was snow, but they lived in a desert so that didn’t happen here. Then he had learned about other cultures and their holidays, and then he learned about the fact that the seasons were different on different parts of earth so for some the relevant holidays were in Summer, and then there were people who didn’t celebrate anything, and it was way too confusing so he stopped paying attention. It hadn’t ever really come up again.
Until it had, when June had brought up the topic while she was there getting the muffler in her depressingly ancient hatchback replaced. She’d been sitting in her usual chair, watching as Breakdown worked, and had broken the silence with a question; “Do you celebrate Christmas, Blake?”
“Christmas?” He racked his brain for the context, and eventually it offered one of the movies the drive-in had shown around this time last year. There was a lot of stuff he and Knock Out hadn’t understood in that one. The ghosts were definitely the weirdest part. “Not really.”
June hummed. “Do you want to come over on Christmas Eve anyways? You and Aston both. We’re not overly religious, if that would be a problem, and it’s usually just me and Jack. We’d appreciate a little more company. You don’t have to eat anything,” she added, and he winced because apparently neither of them had been as subtle about their lack of a need for food as they’d hoped, “but it would be nice if you came by.”
“I’ll have to talk to Aston,” he said, “get his opinion. But I’d be happy to.” He would. He liked June, as well as the kid, for all they’d spoken on the rare occasions he came by. More than any other humans he’d had the (often dis)pleasure of interacting with. Not that he’d spent a ton of time talking to anyone else. His interactions with customers were pretty much limited to “what’s the problem” and “here’s how much it’ll cost and how long it’ll take to fix it.”
His answer seemed to satisfy June, because she nodded and leaned back in her chair and they went back to a comfortable silence while Breakdown worked on his latest project.
Even if there was no snow in their sector of the planet, that didn’t stop the humans there from getting whole-heartedly involved in the “festive spirit.” Breakdown opted to drive, and the majority (though not all) of the houses they passed on the way to the Darbys’ were decked out in lights and plastic ornaments.
"It's a little bit tacky," Knock Out said as they passed a house with several life-sized cloaked mannequins positioned around some kind of barn in the front yard. "Don't you think?"
"I guess." Breakdown glanced over at the next house. This one had lights strung up along the edges of the roof. "I think it's a cultural thing."
"They can celebrate their culture without making it ugly."
"It's really not our place to judge."
"It is absolutely our place to judge. As superior beings, with superior taste, we can judge whatever we damn well-- Ooh, wait, look at that one." The display that had caught his optic was clear enough; a tree, lacking any leaves but strung up with lights that almost gave the appearance of water dripping from the branches. "See? These people know what they're doing."
"Superior beings?"
"I can change my mind."
The conversation lulled as he pulled into the driveway of the Darby's house. June's hatchback was nowhere to be seen, and he had to assume it was parked inside the closed garage. Good. A piece of shit it may have been, it still wasn't a good idea to just leave it out. Crime in Jasper may have been minimal, but it wasn't nonexistent, and that wasn’t even considering what the elements might do to a car that was already halfway in the scrapyard.
"You remembered to grab the gifts before we left, right?"
Knock Out gave an exaggerated gasp. "What? That was my job?"
"Knock Out."
"Oh, my dear, how could I have forgotten? Am I truly so absent-minded? It wasn't like you reminded me no less than five times before we left the house." As he spoke, he went around to the back seat and grabbed the sparkly gift bag sitting there. "You're such a worrywart."
"I'm not the one who almost loses his marbles whenever he so much as sneezes near his bumper."
"Hey, my bumper is a work of art. To scuff it would be a crime of the highest degree."
"Are we going inside, or are we just going to stand here bickering in June's driveway all night?"
"You started it, may I remind you." Knock Out strode past him like he was walking down the red carpet and not up a cracked sidewalk to the Darby's front door. He stuck his tongue out at Breakdown as he rang the bell.
It took June only a few moments to answer, and she smiled brightly at them when she opened the door.
"I'm so glad you guys decided to come by," she said, clasping Knock Out's hands briefly then wrapping her arms around Breakdown's midsection in a hug. "We've already got the tree mostly set up, but Blake, if you're willing I'd appreciate some help with the star. Neither of us are quite tall enough to reach it.”
He didn’t have the slightest clue what she was talking about, but if she needed his help, he was happy to offer it. “Sure thing.”
“Thank you.” She glanced at Knock Out for a moment, then down at the bag in his hands. Her expression brightened. “You brought gifts! You didn’t have to.”
“Of course we did,” Knock Out said, waving a dismissive hand, as if the idea of not bringing gifts was that absurd of a thing for June to suggest. “We’re guests. It would be rude if we were to impede on your hospitality without any kind of repayment.”
“Well, Jack will be excited. Opening presents is his favorite part of this whole thing.” She stepped back into the house and waved for them to enter, then closed the door behind them.
Speaking of Jack, the boy was currently seated on the sofa, transfixed by something colorful on the TV. He looked up as they entered, waved, then went back to staring at his show. June just shook her head fondly.
“They always run those claymation Christmas specials on repeat this time of year,” she said. “It doesn’t matter how many times he’s seen them, they’re all he wants to watch during the holidays.”
“I mean, hey, if he enjoys them.” Breakdown swiped the bag of gifts from Knock Out’s hand. “Where should we leave these?”
“Right under the tree is fine.”
She’d mentioned the “tree” before, and he was pretty sure he recognized the concept from one of the movies he’d seen, but he didn’t actually know what-- Oh. Probably the eight foot tall pine tree set in the middle of the living room. Decked out in strings of lights and brightly colored tiny objects. Mostly orbs in varying colors and sizes, some with patterns and some without, but a few other miscellaneous things. A small paper animal of some kind. Several popsicle sticks stuck together. They struck him as very “homemade,” and he was pretty sure they’d been done by Jack.
“Ah. The tree.”
“The star’s over on the coffee table, whenever you feel like hooking that up,” June piped up from where she’d sat down beside Jack.
Sure enough, there was a star-shaped ornament made of some kind of glittery material sitting on the table. He picked it up, glanced over at the tree, then looked back down at the ornament with a frown.
“I think it goes on top,” Knock Out muttered, squinting at the tree. “That sticky-outy bit up there.”
“Probably,” Breakdown muttered. That seemed right. But Breakdown didn’t want to make himself look like an idiot if it wasn’t. He squinted at the tree some more, debating whether he wanted to just risk looking stupid if he was wrong or ask for clarification.
“It goes up top,” Jack said, apparently spotting his hesitance, despite his focus on the cartoons. “Haven’t you guys had a Christmas tree before?”
“Jack,” June began, a warning in her tone.
Knock Out beat her to the punch. “We don’t really celebrate Christmas where we’re from. This is our first time doing so. You’ll have to forgive us if we’re not exactly educated on the proceedings of things.”
Jack’s eyes went wide. “You guys didn’t have Christmas?” he spoke in an exaggerated, horrified whisper.
“Afraid not. We didn’t have most of your major holidays.” Which was to say any. They had a few that could probably be compared, but the similarities didn’t go much further than surface level.
“So you guys never got presents? Or baked cookies to leave for Santa? Or did any of that stuff?”
“Er, no.”
Jack stared with wide eyes for a few more seconds, then his expression turned resolute. “We’re gonna give you guys the best Christmas ever,” he said with that sort of endearing firmness only a child could have. “Mom. Cookies. Blake’s gonna do the tree an’ Aston and I are gonna make cookies.”
“You know they don’t eat things like that,” June said, ever patient.
“Perhaps not,” Knock Out said, going over to scoop up Jack and set him on one hip. “But I’ve had experience with baking before. Even if we can’t revel in the spoils, I see no reason why we can’t enjoy the process.” He continued talking as he walked into the kitchen. “You’ll have to tell me where everything is. I’m quite unfamiliar with your kitchen.”
Breakdown watched him as he went, talking to Jack in a tone kinder than he’d ever heard him use with any other humans. He must have had quite the doe-eyed look on his face, because June outright snorted a laugh.
“You look ridiculous.”
“I love him so much,” he said, sighing happily.
“Go put the star on top of the tree, casanova. I’m gonna make sure those two don’t burn down my kitchen.”
Breakdown put the star on top of the tree. It really did tie the whole thing together.
“Blake?” Knock Out called from the kitchen, “can you come help me for a moment?” There was a certain lilt to his voice, one Breakdown could instantly recognize as that teasing tone he got when he was trying very hard to pretend to be innocent. He was instantly on guard, but with a lack of any obvious nonsense, got up and complied with the request.
Knock Out met him at the doorway, placing a hand on his chest to stop him from going any further. The grin on his face was all proud mischief.
“...What?”
Silently, his partner pointed up. Hung from the top of the doorway was a small bundle of some kind of plantlife, tied with a pretty red ribbon. Breakdown… failed to understand the significance. Apparently sensing that, Knock Out explained; [It’s called mistletoe. There’s a tradition among humans, if you’re caught underneath it you have to kiss the other party.]
Ah. That explained his smirking.
Breakdown rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. [You didn’t have to get me under here if you wanted that.]
[I know.] He reached up, looping his arms around Breakdown’s shoulders and tugging him down so they were at equal height. [But it’s about the spirit of things and all. I’m getting involved in the traditions. For Jack’s benefit, of course.] And he dragged Breakdown into a kiss.
From his spot near the oven, Jack made a disgusted sound. Knock Out just laughed.
Despite the lack of cooking experience either of the two involved parties had, the cookies turned out pretty good. Breakdown managed to finish one, if only to make Jack stop looking so morose. They weren’t burnt, and there was a sort of spice to them that wasn’t half bad. He almost wanted to try and figure out how to replicate the same flavor with energon.
“So technically, you’re s’posed to open presents in the morning,” Jack explained, “but Mom said that if you guys didn’t want to stay over, we can open some before you leave. Also, do you want to stay over? It’ll be fun. You can play on my Atari.”
“Jack,” June said, all patience. She looked over at Breakdown. “I did mean to ask. We have a guest room with a full bed that you two can share. If there’s not enough space, I can take that one and you guys can have my king size.”
“The full will be fine. We’re not gonna kick you out of your room.” If there wasn’t enough space, they’d probably just dismiss their holoforms for the night and recharge in alt. But sometimes it was comfortable being all squished together while in their holos.
“Great! And then we can make pancakes and you don’t have to eat any, but it’ll still be fun, and then we can open presents!” Jack shoved the remainder of his cookie in his mouth. “Mmph--”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” all three adults said at the same time. Knock Out gave Breakdown a horrified look.
“Ugh.” Jack pouted. “Great. Now I’ve got three parents.”
“Absolutely not. Do not ever insinuate that. I am no one’s parent.” Knock Out turned on his heel and immediately began walking away. “I am going to bed. Never speak to me again.”
“Your boyfriend is funny, Blake.”
“Sometimes.”
From the other room there came a cry; “I am always a delight!!”
Breakdown frowned as he peered out the front window. June had unplugged the string lights when she’d gone to bed, but the moon was in a phase where it offered enough illumination that he could see the kid sitting on the house’s front stoop. Carefully enough to not risk waking anyone with the sound of the door, he eased it open and stepped outside.
Jack jumped a bit when he opened it and stepped out, but relaxed as he realized who it was. “Oh,” he said, very quietly. “Hi, Blake. Didn’t expect anyone to be up.”
“Yeah, I have trouble sleeping sometimes.” He sat down next to Jack, hunching slightly so he wasn’t looming over the kid so much. Temperate as it may have been during the day, the desert got downright chilly at night, and this close he could see Jack shivering. “What’re you doin’ out here, kid? It’s the middle of the night.”
He shrugged. “I have trouble sleeping sometimes too.”
No more explanation was given. Momentarily berating himself for not grabbing his coat on his way out here, Breakdown settled for shifting a little closer and raising his holoform’s temperature by a few degrees. Not enough that Jack would notice (hopefully, but the kid was surprisingly observant sometimes) but enough that it would help him warm up a bit. Either subconsciously or on purpose, Jack scooted over until he was leaning against Breakdown’s side.
Breakdown set an arm around his shoulders. “I can tell something’s eating at you,” he said, “if you wanna talk about it, I’m all ears.” He’d gotten pretty good at using human terminology in the time since he’d landed. (Unrelated to the conversation, he had also realized that humans used an incredible amount of euphemisms for genitalia in their everyday conversation.)
A few moments of silence passed before Jack spoke; “Are your parents still together?”
He blinked. Talk about catching him off guard. How the hell was he supposed to explain cold construction in a way that wouldn’t immediately set off alarm bells? “I didn’t, uh,” he stammered. The best solution here was probably to just lie his aft off. “I didn’t really have parents. I was… My siblings took care of me.” If you could call the Stunticons that. Probably the best comparison. “So I don’t know.”
“Oh. Was it nice having siblings?”
Breakdown grimaced. “Not really.” He didn’t want to talk about them. “But enough about me; why’d you ask about my parents?” June had never spoken of a partner, so he had a pretty good idea of where the conversation was headed.
Jack sighed, for a moment sounding far too weary for a child his age. “I was just thinkin’... I think Mom doesn’t know I remember it, y’know? ‘Cause it was a while ago. I was four, I think. Which is pretty young,” he said as though he wasn’t still young, “but I do remember. It was the day after Christmas, an’ I came out into the living room, an’ Mom was sitting on the couch, an’ she looked really sad. I asked her what had happened and she said dad had left.” He bit his lip. “An’ I was confused. I didn’t really get what she was talking about. I asked if she meant he’d left for work, an’ she just… started crying.”
Frowning, Breakdown tightened his hold a bit. Jack turned his head and buried his face in Breakdown’s shirt.
“Everything was fine the day before,” he continued, voice muffled by the fabric, “I got up an’ we opened presents and had a nice breakfast and stuff. Watched a movie on TV. He didn’t seem like he wanted to leave at all. But… then he did.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Breakdown said honestly.
“It’s okay,” Jack said, quick enough that Breakdown thought maybe it was more of a force of habit than it was true. “I remember when he left, but I don’t really remember what he was like. I don’t really know what I’m missing, I guess. It’s not… it doesn’t really make me sad, I don’t think? But I kinda wonder sometimes…” He looked crestfallen. “Was it my fault?”
“What?”
“I mean, everything was fine. It was good. And then all of a sudden he was gone. It couldn’t’ve been mom’s fault, ‘cause she never does anything bad, so it must’a been mine. And then, y’know, when I joked about you guys being my parents, Aston got super upset, an’ I just figured maybe it was ‘cause I’m not a good kid.”
Base instinct won out over reason, and when Breakdown’s processor demanded he do something to comfort the sad sparkling now he couldn’t help but comply. He reached over, hefting Jack up and setting the kid in his lap, wrapping as much of his holoform around him as he was able in a firm hug. Jack sniffled against his shoulder, and Breakdown’s spark nearly broke all over again. He’d never met the man Jack called a sire, but at this point he was sure that if they ever did cross paths, he would not hesitate to rip the guy a new one.
“Of course it wasn’t your fault,” Breakdown said, as gently as he was able. “You ain’t responsible for any actions but your own, kid. He’s a grown person, whatever choices he made were his own fault. So don’t you ever think you gotta take the blame for somethin’ you didn’t do. Got it?”
Jack sniffed again, but when he pulled his face back he was smiling. “Got it.”
“And hey, don’t take anything Aston says to heart, okay? He acts all mean, but deep down he’s just a big softie, and he really likes you. He’s just allergic to feelings.” Jack giggled, and Breakdown counted that as the epic win it definitely was. “He helped you make cookies, remember? He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t like you.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. I know him better than anyone. He doesn’t actually not want to be like a parent to you, he’s just appalled that he’s become a responsible adult figure.” Breakdown grinned, leaning down and lowering his voice as though he was sharing some kind of secret. “He used to be something of a troublemaker back in the day, and he was pretty proud of it. Now he’s being all mature and stuff and he hates it.”
Another giggle. Jack rubbed at his cheeks to try and scrub away the tear tracks. It was mostly futile, but Breakdown refrained from commenting on it. Instead he just quietly used the corner of his sleeve to dry the kid’s face. “He’s silly.” Then, a few seconds later; “...thanks, Blake.”
“Anytime, kiddo.” He reached up to ruffle Jack’s hair. “And I mean that, too. I know your mom works a lot. So if you ever need a helping hand, ever find yourself getting into trouble, and she’s not home? You come straight to us. We’re here for you, kiddo, me and Aston both.”
Jack said nothing. Simply leaned his head against Breakdown’s shoulder. All that emotion earlier must’ve worn him out.
“Now, it’s getting kinda chilly out here, and neither of us have coats. Think we can head back inside?”
A moment passed, and Jack nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
Rather than setting the kid down, Breakdown just made sure his grip was secure and stood, keeping a tight hold on Jack as they went inside. Knock Out peered out the door of the guest room curiously, and Breakdown sent him a quick [Tell you later] before continuing through the house towards the rest of the bedrooms. Jack pointed him in the right direction, and he made sure to keep his footsteps quiet so as not to wake June when they passed her room.
Jack was nearly asleep the second Breakdown set him down. He pulled the blanket up and settled it around the kid’s shoulders, giving his head another fond pat before turning to leave.
“Night, Blake,” Jack mumbled into his pillow.
Breakdown grinned. “Night, kiddo.”
Knock Out lifted the blanket as he returned to allow Breakdown to cuddle up beside him again. “You’ve gone soft,” he murmured once they were settled, his head resting on Breakdown’s chest. “Gone native.”
“We both have,” Breakdown mumbled. He leaned down to press a kiss against Knock Out’s forehead.
“Perhaps we have.” His conjunx nuzzled closer in return. “So, what did you talk to the youngling about?”
“Ah, right. That.” It wasn’t really his place to tell, but then again… “Kid’s got some troubles. Apparently his sire up and left a little while ago, and he’d somehow convinced himself it was his fault. That he was a bad kid or something.”
“Oh, Primus.”
“Exactly. Happened around this time of year, too, and then when you got all stuffy about him calling you a parent earlier--”
“It brought up bad feelings,” Knock Out concluded. Then cursed. “I’ll have to apologize. I was being facetious, of course. You know that, right? I don’t actually dislike him, quite the opposite in fact. He’s a lovely child, really. Much cleaner than most of the ones I see.”
“I know, don’t worry. And I told him that. I think he believed me, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt if you reassured him too. I think he’s been kinda pressed for positive adult role models.”
“June is lovely, of course--”
“But she’s only one person, and she’s fallible. And half the time she’s busy working her tailpipe off to take care of herself and the kid, and she’s got no one to help her out. Exactly.”
Knock Out hummed slightly, tracing a light pattern on Breakdown’s chest. “Perhaps we could visit a little more often. Offer to watch the child when June is otherwise occupied. I’m sure we can make the time.”
“Sure.” Breakdown grinned. “Now who’s soft?”
“Still you, my dear.”
“Yeah, okay.”
They lapsed into silence, and Breakdown was on the verge of stasis when Knock Out spoke up again. “What do you think about kids?”
“Hm? Wh’? Uh, they’re fine, I guess. Kinda loud sometimes. Sticky. Grabby. They’re always trying to grab stuff, especially the tiny ones. One time I left a wrench out and this customer’s kid made a grab for it and--”
“Not like that,” Knock Out cut him off with a huff. “What do you think about having kids? The two of us. Like, creating a newspark.”
“Sure, lemme just pull a Well of Allsparks outta my ass and we’ll get right on that.”
“Be serious,” he said, smacking Breakdown’s arm. There was little heat behind it. “I mean theoretically. Sometime in the vague and nebulous future. Not now, obviously, we couldn’t possibly modify it with a holomatter generator so young nor could we hide it in the cupboard or something, and being raised by human looking parents would only confuse it. But someday, if we ever get back to Cybertron, and there isn’t still a war going on…”
“...I dunno,” Breakdown said, honestly. “I like sparklings well enough. But I dunno if I’d wanna be responsible for one. Kind of a scary prospect, y’know? Having the life of an entire person resting in your servos.”
“Fair enough. I won’t press anymore.” Knock Out cuddled against him and sighed. “I love you.”
He’d never get tired of hearing that.
“Love you too.”