Chapter Text
Hinata didn’t know why the gym smelled different when he wasn’t the one playing.
Maybe because the scent wasn’t comforting, not tonight. Not when he wasn’t supposed to be here.
Ryota had made it clear that day. He was not welcome on the court.
Something inside of him had grown bitter.
It was sharp, a sting of rubber and sweat, the echo of volleyball shoes squeaking against polished floors. A reminder of everything he once had and everything he’d lost, crumbling beneath his fingertips.
He took those moments for granted.
Kageyama’s team was playing against a rival high school. Their whole school had been invited to attend.
At first, Hinata had no intention of going, knowing he had no reason to watch. Cheering for Kageyama would look ridiculous after their argument. He’d be a hindrance, gum on the sidewalk. Kageyama didn’t need him there.
After all…he had her.
Amalia was sitting close to the court, dressed in all pink, gleaming from ear to ear.
Alice tugged at his sleeve, pulling him further up the bleachers. “You’re trembling,” She whispered.
He realized he was clutching the rail too tightly, knuckles white. “I’m fine,” He lied. His voice came out thin, like stretched paper.
She didn’t believe him – no one did when he said that. Neither Theo nor Alice had gotten through to him. They pestered him to give it a chance, talk to Kageyama, do something. He denied them.
Theo was already seated, legs spread, body slouched, as if he owned the row. “You’re late! They’re warming up.” His grin was loud. His voice was louder.
Hinata could only swallow and sit down beside him, staring through the metal bars at the court.
The lights above the court hummed, bathing everything in a sterile, wintry glow. The sound of volleyballs hitting palm echoed like memories. Memories of Karasuno. The ones that lay beneath shattered glass filled with blood.
Hinata bit his lips.
He saw Kageyama first. Not because he was looking for him, he wasn’t, but because there was no universe in which his gaze wouldn’t find him eventually. On the court, Kageyama was at home, belonging, growing, healing. Hinata had forgotten what it used to feel like, the adrenaline before the games began – an old sensation.
Kageyama was in line with the setters, tossing at impossible speed, every motion exact, sharp wrists. Effortless footwork. The kind of focus that shut out planets.
Azure eyes, narrowed, cutting through the court… and then, for one unbearable heartbeat, cutting straight through Hinata.
Hinata flinched like he’d been struck. He dropped his eyes to the floor. Stop it, he told himself. He hadn’t come here for that. Oogling at Kageyama.
“It’s a match,” Alice reminded gently, as if it wasn’t also a battlefield. “He’s not going to throw anything at you from there.”
Hinata laughed under his breath. It didn’t sound real. No, he was denying what that look made him feel, naked, open, raw beneath the gym lights. All of the chatter was background noise. Kageyama’s eyes always made him feel as if time stopped.
“Look,” Theo muttered, pointing. “Ryota’s starting outside hitter.”
Hinata’s stomach twisted. There he was – tall, arrogant, shoulders coiled like spring steel. Ryota smirked during warm-ups, spiking each ball like it personally offended him.
He was good, too, no denying that. Each of his spikes was a natural force. Hinata used to be envious of such strength.
Noah was on court too – libero jersey, the only splash of color on their side of the net, cute, short hair, calm eyes. Nothing like the Noah Hinata remembered from the cruise, nervous and in love with Alice.
He appeared less vibrant now.
He wondered if heartbreak made people play better, or worse. He hated that he cared.
At least Alice wasn’t too affected. Sure, she was upset that Noah had ended their relationship without a proper explanation. But she had been the one to convince Hinata to come, even if her ex-boyfriend was playing. She was always so strong.
The whistle shrieked, slicing through the chatter.
Everyone sat up.
The other team wore red, taller, older-looking. They looked like people who’d never lost anything important in their lives. Hinata resented them immediately, but it also made him excited. The stronger they were, the more they had to prove. The harder their school’s team would fight.
Kageyama crouched low to receive the first serve. Hinata’s lungs forgot what to do.
Ball in the air. Toss. Spike.
Thunder, faster than the eyes could catch.
The whole gym erupted, cheers spilling from every corner. Theo shouted profanity. Alice clapped so loud that Hinata thought her palms would bruise. He couldn’t move.
It was not because the play was good. It was because his brain remembered what it felt like to jump into that toss – like every atom in the universe was aligned just for him.
Every serve. Every set. Every spike.
Every future he never got to have. He remembered his old teammates' smiles. The innocence before tragedy came. He knew coming here would cause this yearning.
The cheering faded. The match continued. Hinata’s pulse stayed lodged in the past. As if he had been the one to jump to Kageyama’s toss, but instead it was Ryota, leaping into the air, a perfect spike.
Envy settled inside his mouth like he’d tasted venom.
The score kept climbing.
It wasn’t even an intense game yet – not for someone like Kageyama. He was calm, observant, feet gliding across polished floors as if he owned the gym. Each set left his hands like a blade slicing through the air, the kind that made impossible spikes look ordinary.
The spikers were chasing them, begging for Kageyama’s tosses. He got his way, always.
The King claimed his throne.
The crowd roared every time Ryota slammed the ball into the floor. He turned to smirk at the audience, ego dripping off his posture. He thrived on being watched.
Ryota pointed two fingers at Kageyama after one kill – a silent throw me higher. Kageyama didn’t even blink. Just nodded once, no emotion, eyes alert and focused.
Hinata swallowed hard. He remembered that nod. It was printed into his bones.
He remembered the breathless feeling of being the only one Kageyama would set to like that – at the speed of light. The infinite trust they once had. He remembered chasing that toss like he’d lose oxygen if he didn’t make it in time. The only way to meet the summit was to chase, jump higher, faster, and better. His setter expected no less.
A familiar ache curled beneath his ribs.
Ryota didn’t spike for points. The type that spiked for dominance. He punished the floor. He hit like he was proving something to everyone who wasn’t even part of the game.
Especially Hinata.
Hinata tried not to look, but every time his eyes slipped, every time he tracked the swing, Ryota found him. A glare over his shoulder. A lazy smirk. One tongue-lap over his teeth. He was Kageyama’s spiker now, the best of the best.
Hinata was a pebble, and it burned his chest. This used to be his spot, too, taken away, stolen from his grip.
Theo noticed.
“Oh, he’s a fucking psycho today,” he muttered, leaning forward. “Look at him – he wants blood.”
Alice elbowed him. “It’s just a game.”
“It’s never just a game,” Theo shot back.
Hinata said nothing. His hands were cold. Every muscle begged him to stand, to run to the court, to shout at Kageyama to stop setting to Ryota, to stop breathing, to stop existing.
It wasn’t fair. The universe wasn’t supposed to keep giving Kageyama someone else, but it did. It drove him mad, and he regretted coming to this forsaken game. It wasn’t a place he belonged, not anymore, and that hurt. No, it antagonized him to the brink he almost left.
The rival school fought hard – long rallies, desperate dives, too many blocks scraping the tape. The air in the gym turned thick, humid from body heat and tension. Shoes squeaked, whistles cut like static, the ball slapped palms with angry rhythm.
Kageyama didn’t waver. He was terrifying to watch.
Every set was faster. Higher. Riskier.
He moved like he couldn’t afford to fall behind. Like someone was watching.
Hinata’s chest knotted.
Was he actually looking at him? Or was Hinata imagining it?
Then, a loud whistle rang in the court. Ryota missed a spike for the first time. Blocked.
The ball bounced onto their side. The rivals roared, chest-bumping like they’d cracked a titan. Ryota’s expression twisted – not embarrassment, not annoyance…something feral. It didn’t seem as though he accepted any sort of defeat. No, he was vicious.
He stalked toward Kageyama, jaw clenched. Hinata recognized that walk. It was the same one Ryota used before a fight, a demeaning one.
Kageyama simply met him at the net. Expression still cold.
Ryota grabbed his jersey collar – a single fistful. The gym gasped, coaches yelling. It all happened too fast for him to think, to adjust the emotions exploding inside his body.
Hinata stood. His legs moved before his brain registered the motion.
Alice grabbed his wrist. “Hinata – no!”
He sat back down, shaking. Her hand was firm on his wrist, not letting go even when he had sat back down. His heart was doing leaps, ready to jump out of his chest because why – why were Ryota’s fingers digging through Kageyama’s jersey?
Kageyama didn’t shove him. He leaned in, said something quietly – Hinata couldn’t hear it, but Ryota flinched as if someone had whispered a threat straight into his skull. He backed down instantly, releasing his grip.
The ref blew the whistle. Warnings. Subtle chaos. Ryota stalked to position, didn’t truly have any other option. Kageyama didn’t look rattled. But Hinata knew that posture: the rigid shoulders, the long exhale, the twitch in his left hand.
That was the start of his snap.
“Dude, what the hell was that about?” Theo, however, looked to be the startled one. “I’m not familiar with volleyball, but geez, is that how it’s supposed to be?” He turned to Hinata as if he might have the answers. After all, he was still labeled as the one who ‘knows’ Kageyama Tobio the best.
“Kageyama can handle him.” Hinata’s lips twisted, grip tightening on the railing. He knew how frustrating it was to lose to the blockers, but coming at the setter like that? It was unforgiving.
“I’d piss my pants if that happened to me during a match.” Alice paled beside him, hands shaking over her lips.
The next serve was a massacre. The ball floated. Kageyama stepped in, perfect form – hands soft, body still. And he launched a toss to Ryota so high it was practically obscene, an insult and a challenge in one motion.
Ryota rocketed up. Hinata had seen him jump a hundred times, but he had never seen him jump like this, with want, desire, hunger unknown to man. The spike was brutal. The ball slammed into the floor like a fist breaking bone.
The crowd screamed, both Theo and Alice astounded in their seats.
Kageyama’s teeth flashed. A smile. Not the soft one Hinata knew, a predator’s.
Hinata felt sick.
The game ended in straight sets.
Their school destroyed the rival team – and everyone in the gym knew it wasn’t because of Ryota’s hits.
It was because Kageyama weaponized him. Handled his hunger, tamed him. All of that in order to win. It was terrifying.
Students poured out of the bleachers like champagne foam, loud and sloppy and unstoppable. Everyone was screaming about Ryota’s kills, his power, and his vertical. They had no idea who fed him each weapon.
No one praised the setter. They never did.
Alice was chattering with people from their class, clapping them on the shoulders. Theo was arguing with a guy about whether Ryota could have gone pro in their old world.
Hinata followed them mechanically, hands stuffed into pockets, hoodie tight around his ribs. He wasn’t celebrating. He was bleeding, but made sure nobody saw how truly bothered this match made him, both with yearning and disgust.
Kageyama was still amazing as ever and that made him scared. He knew it by now…sharing the truth, spilling their pasts to the boy would never do him any good. The past needed to be buried for good.
The cold air outside the school was crisp, sharp, like biting into frost. It would soon start to snow and winter’s prime would arrive. Groups spilled down the steps, laughter echoing in the dark. Phones out, flashlights on, breath turning to fog.
Amalia sprinted ahead of the crowd, ponytail swinging. Her cheeks flushed pink. “Kageyamaaaaa!” she cheered, hands cupped around her mouth when the team finally emerged from the gym doors.
Ryota emerged first, basking in attention like a bonfire. High-fives. Back slaps. Girls squealing. Noah followed, towel over his shoulder, shy smile soaking up admiration like sunlight.
Then, Kageyama. Hair damp, wrinkled uniform, backpack slung casually over one shoulder.
He scanned the crowd once. Exactly once. His eyes landed on Hinata. It was a hit to the ribs; the air was sucked out of his lungs. He hated that their eyes would find each other amongst the crowd, unable to do anything about it. It was too late now.
Hinata froze, blinking, mouth shut. Kageyama looked away quickly, jaw tight, walking toward Amalia like it was a duty. She hugged him immediately, pressing against him, arms around his waist, smiling up at him.
Hinata thought he might vomit.
The group cheered, taking photos. Someone yelled, “They’re goals!”
Hinata swallowed the scream in his throat. He kept his hands buried in his pockets so nobody would see them shake.
It wasn’t fair, he told himself. He shouldn’t care, shouldn’t think twice about their interactions.
Moving forward was his plan and he was going to bite his tongue, bleed what he needed in order to make it.
His phone vibrated.
[20:34]
| Hey, is the match done now? Want to come to my place. I’m free for the night|
He read the message with an aching chest. This was a sign to look away from Kageyama, to step into a different world where they didn’t know each other. It was true…Kageyama lost his memories. There was no point in trying.
A life without disasters. A life without Kageyama.
He typed back slowly, thumbs trembling.
[20:35]
| Match is over, yes. I could come over|
He hesitated, looking up again. He caught Kageyama mid-laughter, something Amalia said. The season's first snowflakes began to fall, caught in his black hair.
He typed in one more line. Each breath hurt; it was too cold again.
[20:35]
| I want to see you |
Send. His stomach clenched.
This was what moving forward looked like, right?
Then why does it feel like I’m falling?
☁️
By the next morning, he knew he’d fucked it up by not sleeping enough. Well, that meant spending time at Arden’s place, both of them chatting way past midnight.
Hinata eventually fell asleep, draped over his couch. He woke up this morning with a warm blanket covering him.
It was the first night he spent there, not under the most cozy circumstances, but Arden hadn’t pressured him to stay. It sort of just happened.
There was also a note on the table.
‘Sorry for not waking you up. You just looked so cute while sleeping, so I couldn’t disturb you
Have a great day at school’
He stood up from the couch with a deep yawn, eyes squinted as he tried to get his body moving.
Each muscle felt heavier than before, and a headache was coming in, letting him know that this school day was going to hell.
Not because he was tired, but because he had to witness Kageyama and Amalia together. All of the time.
Last night’s match unwillingly entered his mind. To think he used to occupy those spaces next to Kageyama and was now thrown out in the cold, far away. Out of reach.
It was for the best, he tried to convince himself. It was the right decision for both of them.
Hinata left Arden’s apartment in a daze, grabbing a sandwich and some orange juice on the way to school.
He was late, 15 minutes or something. He should have been rushing, but right now, he didn’t care at all. Didn’t care if the teachers were going to give him detention or an extra load of homework.
Nothing mattered at the moment, only the biting cold.
But even then, he wanted it to sow today too. Last night's flakes never settled on the ground. Once he arrived at school, he simply opened the classroom door and excused himself for being late.
Ms. Josephine stared at him first, with an arch. “Just take a seat, Hinata.” She then said, awfully gentle, as if she knew he’d have a hard day.
He wasn’t the type to come in late.
Alice and Theo eyed him all the way to his seat. He tried to offer them a snippet of a smile, convincing? Maybe not. But they settled, focusing on the task at hand.
During the school day, Hinata kept thinking about Halloween, which was this Saturday. He’d heard that Kendric was hosting a party, but so were other students.
Amalia was going to have a party, but only with girls at the beginning, like a huge pre-drink. He knew Kageyama wouldn’t attend to that one. Most likely, they’d all end up at Kendric’s if he extended the guest list.
Hinata had no clue. He was initially invited to go out with Arden to the Square Tower and he leaned heavily towards that side. No chances of running into Kageyama, which was great.
Very great…until it wasn’t. When his chest began to ache, he dwelt on never getting to talk to him ever again. It was starting to hurt more.
The school day went fast. Theo and Alice had to rush to work, and they waved their goodbyes after class. Hinata took his sweet time to pack up his things. He looked over his shoulder to see if Lucas was still here, but he’d gone out to football practice.
Maybe he could still catch him in the gym lockers?
Walking out to the hallway, he bumped into Mira.
“Oh – hi, Hinata!” She smiled warmly. He hadn’t seen the girl at any social events in a long time.
“Hello, Mira.” He smiled back, “Haven’t seen you around lately.” Which was true. She hadn’t exactly shown up to school much either.
“Yeah, I know.” She fought through a laugh, “I haven’t been feeling very well, so I took some time off. But I’m back now.”
“It’s great to see you! Are you going to the Halloween party this week?” He was hopeful she would say yes.
“I think so, but I’m not fully sure yet,” Mira said, nodding. “I’ll let you know if I come.”
“Okay, just text me.” Hinata nodded back, staring at the sheets of paper in her hand.
She caught his look. “Oh, I’m heading to the art club! Thought it would be good to have a side hobby.”
“Really? You like to draw?” Hinata was curious. He had spilled so much of his personal life to the girl, even if he didn’t know her well. She was just easy to talk to. Kind, polite and sweet overall.
“Yep!” Her cheeks glowed, “I used to draw a lot when I was little. So, I’m trying to get back into it.”
“Good luck then.” Hinata flashed her a big grin, “Maybe I’ll drop by one day to draw with you. I can’t say my art will end up looking good, though.” He chuckled, scratching his neck.
“No need to be good.” Mira shook her head, lips curved. “Just come one day, it’ll be fun.” She stepped forward, raising her hand. “I’ll see you around, gotta go now.” She waved him off, scurrying down the hall.
Hinata had a big smile on his face, all the way to the gym lockers, hoping to find Lucas and ask him about Halloween. He was almost certain the boy would never miss out on a single celebration, but he had to be sure. Not only that, but he wanted to know if Lucas knew about Kageyama coming to the party. Mental preparation.
Mental preparation ass.
Once Hinata arrived at the gym lockers, he expected to find it filled with boys getting ready for their sports clubs, but instead, he faced the only person he wanted to avoid.
Kageyama was sitting by the bench, taping his hand, in deep focus until he looked up, eyes caught in a haze.
Hinata swallowed, cursing profanities to himself. He needed to leave, the right choice, but his feet were stuck to the floor, as if roots were pulling him down. “O-oh, sorry–” His voice was caught in his throat.
A pause came. Then Kageyama stopped taping his fingers, eyes sharp.
“Where did you go last night?”
It felt as though cold air had slapped him on the face, stripping him bare, frozen to the touch. The question didn’t make sense at all. “Huh?” He was dumbfounded, to say the least.
“You didn’t go home after the game, and you were in such a rush to leave.” Kageyama kept going, as if this were a normal discussion between them. “Why? Where did you spend the whole night?”
Oh dear God. Hinata wanted to turn around and sprint. His fingers trembled, trying to keep still felt impossible when those azure eyes caged him.
“Why does that matter to you?”
Was his first defense because what the fuck?
Kageyama’s patience seemed to run thin. His eyebrows creased, deeper, more serious. “Answer my questions first. Where were you last night?” His breath sounded short, impatient.
Then Arden’s face came to mind, his smile, the soft touches and his voice. All of it made Hinata shrink on the feet, as if this was all wrong when it wasn’t. It wasn’t bad. He chose to keep moving ahead, never to look back.
“I-I was–” He almost spilled the truth, but for some reason, his tongue was stuck. “I was just visiting a friend.” Right, this was true. Kageyama didn’t need to know it was Arden. Not his business anyway.
“Who? All of your friends were still at school when you left.” Kageyama spoke, voice like ice.
Hinata damned his observations. “Doesn’t matter to you.” He grumbled, though a sensation inside his stomach churned.
One he recognized when Kageyama used to ‘hover’.
Yeah, it was that one. He hated himself for liking it, for making him feel important.
Kageyama’s face twisted again, standing up from the bench. “Just answer my question. Where did you go? And with whom did you spend the night?”
Hinata felt the thrill running laps down his back. Yes, it was dangerous, making Kageyama upset like this. But for some reason, Hinata knew it wasn’t his fault. This was all Kageyama’s doing, for caring like this, even though he was angry – he chased.
“No.” Hinata shook his head, firm. “I can go wherever I want.” He crossed his arms, trying to appear defiant.
“You’re so aggravating!” The first snap came out of Kageyama’s lips. “Why can’t you tell me?”
“Because there is no reason for me to do so.” Hinata stood his ground.
“Yes, yes, there is!” Kageyama shouted now, another step closer. “I asked your friends where you were heading, but they had no clue. None of your friends here, at this school, knew.” His tone was adamant, possessive up to a point. Hinata couldn’t help but swallow.
“So? I don’t have to share my private matters with everyone, including you–”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence when Kageyama towered over him, backing him to the wall with no escape. Hinata lost the way to breathe, eyes wide, yet he wasn’t scared.
After all, he knew where this was going. They always ended up in this mess.
“Are you seeing someone?” His nose was so close, his eyes darker than before. The locker room was suddenly so small, suffocating.
“Maybe. So what?” He tried to play it cool, as if he had it under control. His heart raced when Kageyama inched even closer, noses almost brushing. It sent butterflies to his stomach and his stance faltered.
“Who the hell is it?” Kageyama’s hot breath traveled to his neck, making him shake. His hands found Kageyama’s t-shirt, clinging onto the fabric, but never pushing him away.
He bit his lips, “Just someone. It’s nothing serious anyway.” He tried to evade the topic, but God, it was thrilling his core.
“And you slept at their place?” Kageyama’s voice changed now, less hostile, less in control.
“Uhm, yes,” Hinata said, fingers still clutching his t-shirt. He began to play with Kageyama’s shirt instead. “Is that bothering you?”
The boy fell silent, just staring, thinking, eyebrows creased. “You–” He tried to speak up, “You don’t need to do that. Just because everyone else has experience. I already told you this!” His tone hadn’t been angry, no, desperate instead.
“You could get hurt. Why aren’t you thinking clearly?!”
Hinata’s heart fluttered, “I am thinking. A lot. About what I want.” His voice came out like a gentle breeze, careful, tender. He wanted to drown in this sensation.
“And what do you want?” Kageyama’s eyes narrowed further, pressing him up against the wall.
“None of your concern!” Hinata had had enough and pushed him away, frantic. “You are dating someone else, and I haven’t pestered you about it! You told me that you needed to focus on yourself from now on, so what do you want from me?”
Kageyama was motionless, eyes blinking through his bangs. It seemed as though he’d been caught off guard, like he had forgotten their argument from that night.
It was like they stepped into their natural pattern in this world – push and pull.
That’s what it felt like, but Hinata knew they were past those interactions.
Or so he thought.
Peering at Kageyama now made him realize how truly bothered he was. Of how he had been observed last night, after the game.
Was Kageyama up all night, wondering, worrying, maybe?
“Is it a guy?” Then, a low mumble escaped the boy’s lips. His head lowered instantly, eyes drawn to the floor.
Hinata’s heart skipped a beat, his fingers clenching into fists. “Yeah…”
Kageyama’s eyes snapped open, lips parting. “Do you even know him properly? You can’t just go to people’s houses that you don’t know well!” There was tension in his voice, rising with each beat.
Hinata didn’t know how to react, shoulders deflating, watching how Kageyama unfolded. “I can manage myself.” He said with a low voice.
“You can’t when it’s a boy!” Kageyama shouted, coming one step closer.
“What’s your problem that I’m seeing a boy?!” The heat rose to his cheeks.
“It’s not like that.” Kageyama halted, biting into his mouth like he was trying to hold back. “You’re misunderstanding me…it would be different if it were to be a girl. She wouldn’t have been able to force you or hurt you in the same way.”
Hinata laughed bitterly. “Oh – so I should go for a girl now just in case I get hurt?” He twisted around, aiming for the doorknob.
“No, that’s not what I mean!” Kageyama pushed forward, grasping his arm to spin him around. “I don’t want you to get hurt–”
“It shouldn’t matter to you anymore!” Hinata cried out, tears welling in his eyes. “This – whatever the hell we are doing is done. You told me it was, and I agree. I keep messing up and you clean up. Not fair, so I agree with your decision to–” He bit his lips, forcing himself to say the last part. “Your decision to stop being in my life.”
The words leave a suffocating sensation in the room, no air. He could see the way Kageyama’s face fell, lost in thought. He swatted his arm free, grasping the door handle before anything else could be said.
No no no
This isn’t what you want!
But he kept running, moving forward, he told himself. This was moving forward, not running. Right?
This was for the best.
Kageyama’s best.
☁️
The next day arrived and Hinata could already feel the suspense when he entered the classroom. Kageyama watched him, like really closely. Every move, every breath, almost.
Mira and Alice surrounded his desk. “Hinata?! What are you wearing for Halloween this weekend?” Alice popped out the first question, her eyes wide and excited.
“Oh–” He had totally forgotten all that comes with Halloween. “Nothing, I think.” He hadn’t prepared to dress up as anything, only surviving Kageyama’s rigid stare if that was even possible.
He turned in his seat slightly, catching another look.
What’s with him?
The heat rose to his neck, and he turned away. Truthfully, he could not let go of what happened in the locker room.
The sensations, the raw excitement of having Kageyama hover around him – worried. He thought he’d never see such a sight ever again, that Kageyama would only reserve such emotions for his girlfriend, but…that was not the case.
Instead, Kageyama had backed him into the wall.
Alice explained about her costume, the red riding hood and she was going to make everything from home. Mira said she’d already prepared her costume, a fairy. Hinata got lost in the excitement, because as much as he’d loved to dress up and have fun, he couldn’t fully enjoy it.
After their first lesson, during break, Hinata offered to get the girls some chocolate milk from the vending machine. Partly because he was a nice friend, but also because he needed some release from Kageyama’s intense gaze. It was getting out of hand.
He made his way to the vending machine, putting in the coins and out came three chocolate milks.
“Hey, there.” A voice came from behind.
Hinata’s stomach dropped.
He turned, slow and deliberate. “What do you want?”
He met Ryota’s amusing expression with reluctance. He knew this was coming sooner or later after what occurred at Lucas’s party.
Kageyama had outed him about seven minutes in heaven—about all of the shit Ryota had told him.
Ryota wasn’t the type to forgive and forget.
“Can’t I say hi to my favorite supporter?” He smiled, but it never reached his eyes.
Hinata took another step away. “Just tell me what you’re here for.” He knew he wasn’t in any danger here at school, but somehow, the panic was starting to kick in.
“You know, little snitch.” Ryota dropped his facade. His eyes grew darker, lips curling down. “You went ahead and did what I told you not to do.”
Hinata’s neck was warm, producing sweat, but he wasn’t going to back down so easily. “Those things you told me at the cruise, I’m not gonna sit by and take it.” He gathered the courage to speak, maintaining a neutral tone. “I don’t care what you warned me about. If you’re that scared of Kageyama, then maybe you should learn to keep your mouth shut.”
Ryota's face dropped, but it didn’t take long before he took a hasty step towards him. “I’m not fucking scared of that guy. He’s busy fawning over his little girlfriend to care about what happened at the cruise.”
In that instance, Hinata’s chest squeezed. The ache settled over his heart once again and Ryota saw his opportunity.
“Oh – what’s that face?” He inched closer, smiling wickedly. “Are you sad that he hasn’t given you a second of his time?” Ryota said with such taunt, placing a hand underneath Hinata’s chin.
He couldn’t move or think. “No–”
“Get off.” Kageyama’s voice cut through the hall. Classes must have already started because the hallway was empty.
Ryota released his hold and spun around. “Oh, here we go again. Yama is coming to the rescue.” He laughed, too loudly.
Hinata was ashamed, standing there, a complete pushover. His bangs covered his eyes and it wasn’t Ryota’s presence that made him feel so utterly helpless; it was his words. It was stating the obvious – Kageyema was too busy having a girlfriend now. Even if they had still been friends, Hinata knew their relationship wouldn’t have been the same.
It hurt. A lot.
Kageyama was his only anchor from the past. He was trying so hard to be independent, but it wasn’t possible just yet.
“Don’t you dare pick on him. If you have a problem, come face me.” Kageyama’s stance was cold, a glare that could bore holes.
“I don’t have a problem. Right, Hinata?” The attention was set on him.
Hinata nodded in compliance, still peering at the floor.
“See? We are on good terms again.” Ryota chuckled, “The cruise thing was a misunderstanding. I was just explaining Hinata about the rumors going around…you know, about you two hooking up.” His words made him choke, fingers trembling as he met Kageyama’s gaze.
“Those are not true and they never were!” Hinata shouted, like he had something to prove.
Kageyama blinked and Ryota’s smile widened. “Of course,” He said, “We all knew they were baseless. Kageyama is in a happy relationship with Amalia now. He couldn’t have been in a better place. You know, he’s playing amazingly on the court. His girlfriend has really pushed him to his best.”
Before Kageyama could open his mouth, Hinata’s body reacted. “Good. That’s all that matters. Now, excuse me, I need to get back.” He brushed past Kageyama and headed for the stairs. He couldn’t stop, legs moving on their own as tears fell down his cheeks.
How did everything turn this way?
“Hinata!” Kageyama’s voice echoed behind him, desperate.
He didn’t even notice that Kageyama had reached him, grasping his elbow to stop him in the midst of the staircase. The milk cartons dropped from his arms, falling on the stairs, but they didn’t spill.
“Wait, just wait.” Kageyama sounded breathless.
“I need to get back to class.” Hinata began.
“Hold on.” Kageyama’s grasp grew firmer, but not in a way that it hurt. Moreover, it felt as though he couldn’t let go. “Let’s just calm down. He’s spouting nonsense and I know what happened at the cruise was real.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m a slut, spreading my legs for anyone.” The bitterness in him took place.
“Hinata, stop talking bullshit.” His grip brought him down a step closer, facing him. “Yesterday, I may have crossed the line about you seeing someone. I know it wasn’t my place, but–”
“But nothing!” Hinata’s gaze met Kageyama, the tears still running down his cheeks. “I’m trying to figure out what I like. That’s why I told you to sleep with me that night when I was drunk! I was just being stupid and maybe Ryota is right about me! I’m just–”
“Stop it.” Both of Kageyama’s hands found his shoulder, bringing him forward. “Don’t say that about yourself.”
“I’m selfish too.” Hinata began, choking on his spit.
“Just stop it. Let’s talk properly after school.” Kageyama’s eyes were close to glass, “Please, we need to.”
Hinata shook his head, “No, I’m meeting someone.”
“No!” Kageyama burst, “Please, Hinata, don’t! You could get hurt. Right now, you’re not okay, I know. It’s not good. Just stay home so we can talk after school, about everything.”
Oh God, he knew he wanted this. He knew he wanted to be back in Kageyama’s dorm, cry into his arms and tell him how awful it had been when they had been separated. He was too attached, too dependent and needy.
This was becoming a mess. He should be able to face the world on his own, yet he keeps faltering, falling on his knees every time.
And every time, Kageyama seemed to be the one to pick him back up.
But he coudn’t let them fall into this pattern.
“N-No….I can’t.” He whimpered, biting into his cheeks when all he wanted was to go.
Kageyama’s face dropped, eyes wide. “Hinata…please.” His voice wavered, weak as his thumb trailed over Hinata’s jaw.
He almost leaned into the touch, almost. Everything was an almost. Almost a touch, almost a kiss, almost a confession. But never enough. It was never enough.
“I’m not good for you.” He whispered, tear stained cheeks glowing from the sharp sunlight dashing through the corridor’s windows.
And then he left, not back to class. Hinata went home and he fought back the most painful sob.
☁️
Hinata didn’t remember the last time he felt this warm while freezing.
The October night was brittle, the kind that bit at his ears and made the streetlights blur in a halo of gold. He stood at the Square Tower entrance, breath painting ghosts in the air, as Arden lifted a hand in greeting.
No mask today. No vampire fangs. Just Arden in a black bomber jacket with eyeliner smudged at the corners of his eyes, clean, elegant, a little ethereal. The kind of person who made silence feel comfortable.
“Wow,” Arden said, eyes sweeping up and down, “you clean up nicely.”
Hinata tugged at the edge of his last-minute costume – wolf's ears perched in his hair, a simple long-sleeve shirt tucked into jeans, a brown tail clipped to his belt. A costume that said: I didn’t think too hard about this. I didn’t want to impress anyone. Because he didn’t – and he wasn’t in the mood to go all out.
But Arden smiled like he was impressed anyway.
“You can’t really tell what I am? Right….I knew it was stupid!” Hinata asked, cheeks hot.
“No,” Arden chuckled, stepping in close. “You’re definitely a wolf. Not a dog.”
Something about his voice made Hinata’s stomach flip. Not lust. Not intensity. Just…attention. He couldn’t remember the last time someone looked only at him. Or no, he could, but those azure eyes were forbidden to remember.
Inside, the Tower was an explosion of neon orange and LED spider webs strung across rafters. Pumpkin lanterns glowed from every balcony rail. The bass vibrated through his bones, loose, hazy, intoxicating in a way alcohol had never been.
Arden’s friends swarmed them immediately.
“Arden! You actually brought him!” A girl in an angel outfit said, hands over her face in excitement.
“Holy shit, he’s adorable.” A guy, wearing something akin to a military suit, spoke up.
“What’s your name again? Hina? Hibi? Hiiiii?” Another guy swarmed them, high as fuck, as he stumbled in his steps.
Hinata tried to answer, but he was swallowed by laughter, shouts, and flashes from someone’s camera.
Hands touched his shoulders, wrists, cheeks, not in an invasive way, but messily. Like he was a novelty item, something precious Arden found on the sidewalk.
Arden tugged Hinata closer, a palm at the small of his back. “Don’t scare him,” Arden said, amused. “He’s mine.”
Hinata laughed because that was the appropriate response. It should have been comforting. It almost was.
The drinks came fast, faster than he could keep up.
Glittery cocktails. Bright blue shots. Melted marshmallow rimmed glasses. He didn’t get drunk, not fully. The memory of his last blackout haunted his ribs like a bruise. He tried to take it slow, each sip with care, even when Arden’s friends cheered for shots.
Arden leaned in to speak against his ear, music too loud for anything less. “You okay?”
Hinata nodded. He could smell Arden’s cologne, cedar and citrus, and something warm like vanilla. Not volleyball sweat. Not hospital soap. Not Kageyama. But Arden was also a volleyball player; therefore, the reminder hit him like a brick.
No, stop thinking about that!
Arden’s hand slid down his arm, fingers threading through Hinata’s. Their shoulders pressed together in the crowd.
People danced as they belonged.
Hinata was trying so hard to believe he did too.
Then his phone buzzed in his pocket, not a message, but calls. His eyes flashed open, having forgotten about his friends. He had promised them to call.
Theo planted himself across Hinata’s desk, arms crossed. “A date?”
“Yes.” Hinata tightened the strap on his backpack, getting ready to leave.
“With who?”
Hinata shrugged. “Someone I’m getting to know.”
Alice’s eyes lit like he’d fed her candy. “You'd better text us tonight. If you get kidnapped, I’m going on a murgering spree.”
Hinata groaned. “I’ll text. I promise.” Not because he didn’t want them to find out about Arden specifically, but because he didn’t want to hear about Kageyama.
They both gave suspicious looks – the kind that said liar, liar, but they let him go anyway.
He didn’t tell them Arden’s name. He didn’t tell them where Square Tower was. He didn’t want them to worry-
He didn’t want to be saved, to be told he was running away from Kageyama when he believed he wasn’t. He was solely moving ahead, just like Kageyama said he was doing; I need to focus on myself from now.
Back to the present, Hinata leaned his head against the Tower railing, staring down at the sea of people. Arden’s fingers were laced with his, thumb gliding slow circles across his palm – absent-minded, gentle.
“You look like you’re thinking too much,” Arden murmured.
“I always think too much.”
Arden laughed softly. “That’s okay. You can think around me.”
Hinata wanted to say thank you, wanted to tell Arden how incredibly nice he was. Too nice sometime, considering Hinata hadn’t promised him anything.
No comittement. He could run away tomorrow and Arden wasn’t allowe to act shocked.
What came out instead was:
“I like being with you.” He didn’t look at Arden when he said that, trying to tear hiss gaze away, but he ended up looking anyway. He didn’t know what type of reaction he was expecting.
Arden’s smile was soft, no hunger, no aggression, no demands. Just warmth, pure and honest.
He kissed Hinata, then two fingers under his chin, lips brushing against his like a question instead of a claim.
Hinata let it happen.
He kissed back, not because he’d chosen Arden, but because he desperately wanted something that wasn’t aching. For one second, he felt steady. For one second, he wasn’t drowning. He could kiss him, tell him how much he liked him. Nothing would explode.
Arden checked his phone, eyebrows lifting.
“Hey, Kendric’s hosting a party on the west hill. Theo told me they are going there. Want to come with me?”
Hinata’s pulse stuttered. He didn’t think. He should have thought.
“Sure,” he said, but condemned himself right as those words left his lips.
Kageyama was there, he’d already caught the updated from the class chats. Why did he say ‘sure?’ like this didn’t make his stomach twist and his heart leap.
Arden squeezed his hand like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Great. You’ll love it and thanks for coming to meet my friends today. They loved you.”
Oh, that was right. He came here to befriend Arden’s closest friends. To know him better.
Hinata didn’t text Theo.
Didn’t text Alice.
He didn’t think he needed to.
☁️
After two hours, they finally made it to the event place Kendric was hosting at.
Hinata was visibly more tipsy, having take 5 or 10 shots in secret. The nerves arrived once he realized he would see Kageyama.
Kageyama would also see Arden.
The bass hit him before the front door opened. Beer. Sweat. Perfume.
Chaos. Like always, he expected no less.
Someone stumbled past them wearing devil horns. A girl cried on the lawn. Fake fog bled out the windows. Hinata followed Arden through the front hall, shoulder brushing Arden’s as they squeezed through the bodies stacked like dominoes.
Everyone was drunk. Plastered. Senseless. Hinata began lauging because it was quite funny. His senses had begun to dull in perfect time.
Arden’s hand slipped onto Hinata’s waist to guide him through the crowd. That was the exact moment the room fell quiet around him.
Not literally. Not physically. Just in the space of his breath.
Because Kageyama was there. Across the living room. Back against a wall. Plastic cup crushed in his hand, beer dripping down his wrist.
His eyes were not angry. They were starving, as if he’d been devoid of food for days. Well, Hinata had left him on those staircases and didn’t talk to him since then.
Hinata’s lungs shut.
Arden was still talking, still laughing with someone he knew, still smiling like none of this mattered. Theo had stumbled into them, pupils wide. He said something and Hinata responded, although he had no idea what.
Hinata stood there, a single point in a collapsing universe,and Kageyama looked at him like someone seeing a ghost walk into their grave. His eyes were trained on Arden’s hands that were laced into his finger. Yes, it was that.
Instant. Silent. Deadly.
The room didn’t exist anymore.
Just Hinata. Arden’s hand that moved on his waist. And Kageyama watching.
They headed into the living room, both Theo and Alice joined them, asking a thousand of questions.
“Wait – you two are seriously dating now?!” Alice shouted across the whole room. Luckily people were too drunk to notice. She sat down beside Hinata, eyes wide.
“I’m shocked.” Theo sat beside Arden, not fully steady as his body swayed, cup in his hands.
Hinata’s cheeks stained, but he felt responsible to answer. “Well, we aren’t exactly dating yet, but we’re getting to know each other for now.” That’s what they had agreed upon.
“Yep,” Arden nodded.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” Alice gleamed, but her expression changed slightly when she met Hinata’s eyes. She frowned, but it only lasted two seconds when Theo stood up abruptly, almost falling over the living room table.
“Yo, you’re gonna pass put soon.” Arden aided Theo, holding him still.
“Hey, Kendric!! You blasted asshole, get over here!” Theo shouted, eyes intent on the boy who was sweet talking a girl against the wall. He turned, elbow resting on the wall.
“I’m busy!” He shrilled, quite annoyed.
Hinata had no idea what was happening, but he was glad the attention was no longer on him. The secret was out in the opne now. He decided to lean against the head rest.
“No! You said we’re playing spin the bottle.” Theo insisted, a wild smile on his face.
Hinata’s breath got caught in his throat, and as he coughed, more people entered the room.
Amalia was one of them, having already found Kageyama’s arm. Her heels clicked forward. “Let’s play!” she jumped up and down. Beside her, Catherine followed, wearing a nurse's costume.
Alice frowned, cross. “Ugh, fantastic.”
Oh, shit. Hinata recalled their beef. “Are you okay? We don’t have to join.” He slurred, leaning closer to her. Arden was busy trying to calm Theo down so he didn’t make a huge mess.
“I just have this eerie feeling that she might be the reason Noah dumped me.” Speaking of the devil, Alice held her breath when the boy waltzed in. He was in a heated discussion with one of his volleyball teammates.
And then, of course, Ryota arrived.. It seemed like everyone had gathered today.
Hinata’s mouth tasted of gravel, beer, and tangy fireball. It was starting to make him nauseous. But it wasn’t only the taste in his mouth, but those azure eyes watching him like a hawk.
Amalia and Kageyama sat on the other couch facing them – a pair that wouldn’t separate.
“Let’s start, guys!” Amalia shouted, cupping her lips. “Someone get Lucas from the bathroom. I think he passed out in the tub.” She laughed and multiple groans came from Rohan, who had walked into the room.
“I’ll get him.” He disappeared into the hall.
As everyone settled, some on the floors, some on the couches, and some on the chairs. The tension rose with excitement, but Hinata wasn’t. At all. He was silently praying that nothing would go down and no questions would come his way.
That bottle better not land on me!
The games started and it was quite…intriguing. Hinata tried to follow along, his vision blurring the images of his classmates' faces. Lucas, although barely conscious, dared someone to shotgun a beer. That poor girl barely kept it down.
“Rohan, kiss the floor.” That was all he heard before watching Rohan on his knees, licking the floor. Everyone laughed loudly, the room spinning as the music boomed in the background. Theo was almost barfing next to Arden.
“Ew!” Alice flung her hands over her lips.
Next round, Noah got asked about who he ‘likes’. The question received an awkward tension as most likely, everyone had heard about Alice’s and Noah’s breakup. His answer was a vague ‘I don’t like anyone’, but it made Alice twitch.
Hinata felt bad for her. Everyone laughed, unaware of how it affected her. Hinata gave her hand a soft squeeze, which she returned.
The bottle spun. Dear God, it landed on him.
“Oooooh–” Everyone said, exchanging glances like they expected drama. Of course they did. He was so fucking grateful to have stolen some extra shots at the bar previously.
“Okay, Hinata – your time in the fire pit!” Kendric raised a beer glass in the air, “Truth or kiss?!”
Hinata, too tipsy to catch the other word, tried to play it safe. “Truth.” He said.
Kendric smiled wickedly. “Are ya seeing someone?”
The room froze. Everyone had seen who he came here with, who had held his hand. Arden wasn’t from their class; therefore, he stuck out like a thorn. He had no choice but to say it out loud.
“Arden.” His voice was small amongst the crowded room.
But his eyes never fell upon Arden’s face; instead, his eyes gravitated towards Kageyama. On the couch before him, his throat moved as he swallowed. Kageyama’s knuckles tightened around a cup; nobody else saw it. His posture was stone still. His jaw twitched, not anger but self-control.
Arden’s hand settled on top of his thigh. He didn’t say anything.
The bottles spun. It landed on Kageyama; his eyes blinked when everyone screamed, drunken joy. Hinata couldn’t share that joy; he bit down, trying to swallow.
Amalia laughed and threw herself into action. “Kiss!” She answered the question for Kageyama because it was obvious, right? She kissed him without hesitation. Pretty. Performed. For the crowd.
It wasn’t passionate. It was possessive. She was claiming her spot, not just here, but at school as well. There was status in dating Kageyama Tobio. Amalia devoured her opportunities.
Hinata didn’t react outwardly. He couldn’t. It didn’t feel right as Arden sat beside him, unaware of the ash taste inside his mouth. Arden’s thumb circled on Hinata’s knee. It was…kind. It was…wrong.
It was all wrong.
No, no – Shouyo!
You need to get a grasp!
Another spin, and this bottle seemed to have something against him.
Ryota laughed like a hyena. “Oh, this is fucking hilarious.” He leaned forward. “Truth or kiss…Hinata.”
Hinata panicked. He saw Kageyama’s eyes looking at him, unreadable. “Truth.” He said, trying to sound in control.
“What was your first kiss like in this world?”
All eyes settled on him, but the most intense was Kageyama. He knew why.
Hinata swallowed, his voice too soft. “It…wasn’t special.”
Oh God. That was a big fat lie and everyone in the room seemed to feel it. Kageyama flinched like someone stabbed him. Alice, on the other hand, squeezed his hand. She knew those words burned his tongue.
“Sure.” A surprising voice was uttered. Amalia just stared at him, and he shrank. In her mind, Hinata must remain irrelevant, but he knew he wasn’t, not yet. Not after he overheard her talking to Cathrine on the cruise.
Lucas threw him a quick look, even though he was high.
Ryota smiled like a demon, and Arden leaned in, sitting closer so their legs brushed.
More rounds came in, filling the hours with laughter and silly dares. Some kisses were insane, like the forced one between Theo and Javier. It made everyone scream, some falling down from the couch. Theo was as white as a ghost.
Alice had her fair share as well, but she chose a quick kiss with Lucy. The guys whistled.
But then the bottle landed on Arden. The screams grew louder, and Lucy, the loudest one, shouted. ”JUST KISS ALREADY!” She flung to her feet, arms raised in the air.
Hinata didn’t think. He was tipsy. He was tired. But most importantly, he wanted the ache to stop.
Arden cupped his cheek; it was tender, gentle, intentional – everything Kageyama never got to be with him. No, Hinata told himself. Just stop thinking about him.
Arden kissed him. Not a peck, but a slow, warm kiss.
A kiss that told everyone they were here, together.
He was chosen.
The room clapped, someone whistled, Alice looked away, and Theo shrieked with laughter.
But.
Oh, Kageyama didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Didn’t breathe at all. He didn’t look angry, didn’t even look sad. No, he was deadly quiet. Not a single muscle moved.
Ryota caught Hinata’s longing gaze, grinning.
The rest of the games went tranquility. But Hinata was burning up, and Kageyama’s stare itched into his skin. And as they decided on a last spin, Ryota interrupted and said he needed to ask Kageyama a question.
Everyone gasped.
“King, tell us – how long does it take you to forget someone?” The question was with intent. Ryota was playing with him like a toy, throwing fire on oil. That was his favorite hobby.
Alice turned to him, curious.
Kageyama stared directly at Hinata, never looking away. “I don’t.”
That’s when Hinata could feel Arden’s hand form into a fist. He froze, unable to respond when the group screamed again. The girls whispered amongst themselves. Amalia blinked, confused until her eyebrows lifted in understanding.
The game dissolved into chaos, and Hinata grabbed the chance to leave the room, needed to breathe and stabilize. He found the balcony, snowflakes falling down slowly. The city was alive, bursting in dazzling colors.
His fingertips were cold, curling around the sill. But he had a feeling someone would follow him. He was right.
I should have gone home
I should have–
Footsteps settled beside him. He didn’t need to turn. His pulse recognized him before his mind did.
“...Hinata.”
Kageyama’s voice was quiet, raw, shredded at the edges. Hinata couldn’t answer, didn’t trust his own throat, nor his heart. Everything was a mess.
Kageyama stepped beside him, not touching, just close enough that his warmth cut through the cold.
“So, it’s him?” A whisper. Not a question, but an inquiry.
Hinata didn’t look, scared to see Kageyama’s eyes. “Yeah.” He swallowed.
The silence followed.
He received no yelling, no tantrums, or cruelty. Kageyama’s breath trembled into the cold, night air. “I've been trying to keep my distance,” He said quietly, “Thought that would do us both good…at first.”
Snow gathered in his hair. It melted against his skin.
“But I can’t,” He confessed, the truth spilled like an open wound.
Hinata squeezed the railing, fingertips numb. His eyes had already watered, too drunk to control himself. Well, Hinata wasn’t the best at keeping his tears in check. Not when Kageyama was right here, so close.
Then, probably, he made another bad decision, locking eyes with Kageyama. His eyes were blank against the city lights, exposed in a way they never were around others. It made Hinata’s heart throb, pain, pain, so much pain.
“I don’t know how to do this anymore. No, I don’t want this anymore.” Kageyama whispered, one step closer, “I don’t want to be absent from your life. I take it all back.” There it was, the pleading tone Hinata couldn’t take.
His heart cracked in half. “But–”
“No but–” Kageyama was swift to say, turning to him fully. “I know you don’t want this either, Hinata, please. You really want us…to never talk again? Never hang out? Never cook together?”
If his heart hadn’t shattered before, it certainly did now.
“Look, we don’t need to discuss everything right now. We’re both drunk and emotional.” Kageyam sighed, gazing down at his feet. “Just come home with me tonight.”
Hinata took a step back, “Huh?”
“Yes, you heard me,” Kageyama took another step closer. “You’re drunk and it’s not good to…you know, sleep other places. Not safe.”
Hinata raised an eyebrow, “Really? You think Arden is not going to take care of me?”
Kageyama’s face twitched, jaw clenching. “Shut up. How long have you truly known him for? A week?” His arms crossed, “Come to my place tonight, sleep it off and then…we can talk or whatever.”
Hinata's heart leaped, tingling inside his belly. This was insane, yet he entertained the idea. “What about your girlfriend?”
“It’s not an issue, duh.” Kageyama rolled his eyes, “I can have friends over.”
Yeah, Hinata thought – friends who make out in your bed.
But he wasn’t going to point that out. He didn’t owe Amalia anything after the way she badmouthed him.
“Well…I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” His eyes trailed to the balcony windows, watching Arden inside, chatting away with Javier. A sense of guilt swarmed his heart.
But Kageyama’s eyes were sharp, intent, and set clear. “No, no way–” His voice spilled like wine, “You are not going drunk to his place. I refuse it. You can’t just be that careless!”
A laugh almost crawled up his throat. “I refuse it.” Like Kageyama still had any right to decide where he slept.
Hinata gave him a pointed look. “Kageyama, he’s not going to hurt me. I’ve slept at his place, well, I ended up falling asleep on his couch, and he never did anything.” With that being said, Kageyama’s body visibly flinched.
“Still.” Kageyama stepped even closer, their chests almost touching. “You’re drunk and you might initiate things you don’t actually want. What then? You could get hurt! I won’t let you go, I’m serious.”
Hinata watched him through his drunken haze. “This isn’t fair, Kageyama.” He said, lips curved into a frown. “You can’t just show up now and dictate where I sleep or with whom. You have Amalia, don’t you? I don’t honestly think she’ll be okay with you spending the night with me… on top of those rumors going around.”
Kageyama looked defeated in the moment, head lowered in shame. “Yeah, you’re right…I just can’t help it. It bothers me that you’re with him. I don’t know him or his intentions.”
Hinata wished he could believe those words, but it almost felt like Kageyama was scared of being replaced, too, just like he was.
Ugh…I’m so confused
Kageyama wasn’t supposed to come back. He was supposed to focus on himself, volleyball and Amalia. Right. That’s what he said that day outside the dorm. Hinata had inhaled those words; even if they cut his throat, he swallowed each of them.
But now…it seemed as though he couldn’t let go fully. “I promise you, he’s a good guy. Theo knows him from before.” Those words were supposed to satisfy him, yet it appeared as though Kageyama was deflating.
Hinata didn’t know whether he was defending Arden…or begging Kageyama to let him go.
“Okay…sure.” His head veered the other way. “Fuck.” He hissed, hand moving over his face. “I have to go. See you around.”
Hinata stood there, still, unmoving. His hands trembled, the air was cold, and he blamed that. He was okay. This was for the best. For both of them.
But when Arden walked out, his eyes blinking with concern, Hinata failed his own beliefs. Because his eyes watched Kageyama step into the room, his hand ruffling through his black hair as if he was trying to collect himself. Hinata’s heartstrings pulled because now he rejected Kageyama. Now he truly made it clear they would never return to what they used to be, whatever that was.
But he was okay. Right. This was for the best. He wanted this.
“You alright?” Arden neared him.
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Just a bit cold.” He responded instantly, but his voice betrayed him. His palms were sweaty, and his breathing was too fast.
Arden didn’t buy it. “You argued with that guy? It didn’t seem like a calm talk.”
Hinata stalled because he hadn’t been honest with Arden about Kageyama. Still, he couldn’t spill the whole truth. “Huh? No, all good. He was just telling me some stuff.” He couldn’t hold Arden’s gaze, “He’s just – weird about me being drunk.”
Arden blinked, slow and observant. “Is he the one who was upset with you?”
Hinata flinched, stuttering. “N-No, it’s not Kageyama!” He yelled, voice shaky. “We were just discussing some things…that’s all there is to it.” The wind hurt his teeth, but oh, the pain was welcomed.
He was lying, but why?
He didn’t want Arden to know anything about Kageyama.
Kageyama’s voice kept replaying inside his mind, disturbing him.
“I refuse it.”
“You could get hurt.”
“I don’t want to be absent from your life.”
“Please.”
“Did something happen between you two before I met you?” Arden’s voice brought him back, sending him into a total spiral.
Their eyes finally met and Hinata couldn’t hide the glaze behind the tears that yearned to flow. His throat closed, heartbeat louder than the bass inside the room, the nerves almost made him puke.
He wanted to cry, but God – he couldn’t cry about Kageyama to Arden. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t okay. It was wrong. Selfish.
“Ah, no, not at all!” Hinata waved his hands around dismissively. “We’re just friends.” His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth like it wasn’t part of him.
Arden only nods, although his eyes don’t seem to spark the same way. They returned inside, the heat of the party clinging to his skin like a bad memory. Arden’s hand found his waist, warm, grounding him back to reality – but every nerve in his body rejected it.
Not because he didn’t like him. Because Kageyama had touched him with a single sentence.
“I don’t want to be absent from your life.”
The words punctured through his ribs like a swallowed razor blade. He’d been the one to run after Kageyama, begging and apologizing, yet now he rejected him.
Arden was talking to someone, Catherine? Javier? He coudln’t tell. The music blurred. Bodies moved. Someone was screaming, laughing in the kitchen. Everything was loud, except the only thing he could hear:
His voice.
Kageyama and Amalia were standing by the couch, talking calmly, as if nothing had happened. As if Kageyama didn’t just invite Hinata to sleep at his dorm.
He wasn’t allowed to be upset at that…he, too, talked to Arden like it was normal.
He moved to the kitchen island, pored himself a drink he didn’t need.
Arden followed him. “Hey, are you–?”
“I’m fine.” Too fast and defensive he spoke, too intent on finishing this drink that was probably more alcohol than soda.
Arden only nodded, never pushing. Maybe that’s why Hinata was overwhelmed with guilt because this guy was too damn nice. He never irked a nerve. And right over there, those azure avoided him now, irked so many nerves; regardless, Hinata couldn’t stop thinking about him.
☁️
The sun stabbed through the blinds like punishment. His eyes burned, his throat ached, and his head was full of last night – spinning bottles and drunken cheers.
He crashed out in his dorm, refused to go home with Arden or his friends, even though they insisted.
He blacked out at certain points and didn’t recall how he got here, although he had glimpses of Theo’s face inside a cab.
They must have followed me home
God…I messed up their night
Hands rolled over his face. He was thirsty, his lips dry, but the motivation to stand up was none. Reaching out to his phone, he saw the number of texts.
Some videos had been sent from Lucas, grinning into the camera. He seemed to have made it to the club last night, but Hinata didn’t recall shit.
Some other videos he received from Kendric, filming him and Lucas doing more shots together. It made his stomach clench. Just the image made him want to hurl.
Then…
[02:35]
| Your friends told me you passed out and they took you home. Call me when you wake up|
Kageyama’s name made him smile unwillingly because God, he wasn’t left behind completely.
He didn’t want to cut contact completely.
But wait…
Alice and Theo told him what?!
He threw his phone away, cheeks flushing against the sunlight.
Why the hell would Theo and Alice feel the need to let Kageyama know of all people?
It wasn’t like he was responsible for anything. Hinata could end up in a ditch and Kageyama didn’t have the right to interfere!
He groaned, leaning to the side. Or maybe Kageyama had seen him too wasted and was wondering how the rest of the night went. Hinata recalled Amalia and Kageyama leaving earlier.
Even then, he wasn’t supposed to care…but he did. And here they are.
Shaky fingers found his phone again, pressing the call button. His stomach was like a storm, waiting for the other line to answer.
“Finally awake.” It wasn’t a question.
“Uhm–” Hinata’s throat clogged, “Oh God, it’s 2 pm already?!” He hadn’t even seen the time up until now.
“Yeah, you were out.” Kageyama sighed, voice lingering. “Anyway…about last night.”
Hinata swallowed. He knew this was coming and perhaps, he was grateful Kageyama wasn’t ignoring him entirely.
“I’m sorry…Hinata.” Kageyama’s voice was softer than ever, “For everything I said to you on the balcony and at school. I wasn’t my place to intergoate you.”
Hinata remained stiff, unable to move a single muscle. He would never get used to this side of Kageyama, not from the past and how he used to act.
They’d argued on the court, said spiteful things that lead to weeks of avoidance. However, Hinata had never seen Kageyama this distraught.
He kpet telling himself that this Kageyama lost all of his memories, but that never explained his changed behaviour. He was softer overall, more open about how he felt, at least to Hinata…his friends were very clear in telling him that he got special treatment from Kageyama.
Apparently, he wasn’t as welcoming and warm when he first arrived at school.
This Kageyama was truly different in his mannerisms, yet, some moments also remained Hinata of their old selfs. Just within a blink, he saw the their old antics, teasing each other, the hair ruffles and rivarly.
He couldn’t make sense of anything.
“Thanks but…” Hinata tried to speak, make up his muddled mind. Maybe it was easier not seeing his expression. “But what do you want, Kageyama? I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore…I don’t know how to deal with this back and forth.”
Kageyama was silent.
Hinata swallowed.
“Are you willing to meet up?"
Oh. Here they go again.
Hinata didn’t know what to expect, but one sentence came to his mind.
“You two are so fucking toxic.”
It made him laugh, but he also wanted to cry.