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Link had been having a normal day.
Granted, Zelda would likely look at him in exasperation and tell him that shield surfing down Mount Hebra in nothing but his boxers was far from normal. But, these days she hardly seemed surprised by anything he did. Link supposed it was fair. He had defeated the embodiment of evil with nothing but an axe and a pot lid, thirty minutes fresh out of the Shrine of Resurrection. His hair had still been dripping with Shrine fluid.
In his defense, he had woken up with such rage in his heart that anything less than that felt like an underreaction.
In any case, Link had gleefully left behind any decorum he once had a century ago. Now, he happily beat up moblins with sticks, ran around Hyrule in his underwear, and used bokoblins as launching platforms.
He had died. It was only fair he got to live a little.
That said, Link was not expecting to have a glowing portal open under his feet.
The world w a r p e d, bright white light twisting around him in a strange not-quite-warmth. If Link hadn’t been regularly exploding himself across Hyrule lately, he might have felt nauseated. Instead, he whipped out a Sheikah bomb and hurled it in front of him. His intent was to explode himself back through the portal, however his aim was slightly off, and he ended up getting hurled sideways.
The warmth of the light was abruptly sucked away, replaced with cool air.
And then, something rather hard.
Link collided with something or rather someone, he realized as his fall-cushion let out a yelp. They fell in a pile of twisted limbs and Link was battered with hard metal. After a few seconds of utter confusion, Link was finally able to wrench himself backwards and take a look at his unwilling cushion.
…
He was looking at himself.
It wasn’t his current self, with sticks in his hair, notches in his ears and extensive burn scars (thank you guardian lasers) covering the left half of his body, donned in a pair of complementary boxer shorts.
No. This self was clean, wearing the Champion tunic and Hylian armor, and lacking any such scarring. He was also staring at Link with utter bafflement.
Link shoved himself away from Other Link, using him as a springboard as he flipped backwards and activated what he had taken to calling ‘Bullet Time’. Of course, he had no idea what a ‘bullet’ was, but the name sounded cool. ‘Arrow Time’ just sounded silly. As time slowed around him the world froze like it had been locked with Stasis. Link swiveled his head, only to have his mind go blank.
He was in the Hyrule Castle Sanctum.
He was in a Hyrule Castle Sanctum distinctly lacking any coating of malice or a weird Calamity egg.
He was in a Hyrule Castle Sanctum that had Other Him, Zelda, and four living and breathing Champions standing to the side, as well as a living King Rhoam. All looking at him in shock.
Nope. He wasn’t dealing with this.
Still in Bullet Time, Link pulled out more Sheikah bombs and after taking a moment to ensure the positioning was right this time, detonated the round one. The explosion sent the square bomb slamming into him and he shot up and out of the Sanctum like a cryonis-ed Guardian.
Yeet! Link shrieked in glee as he soared into the sky above Hyrule Castle.
He whipped out the paraglider as he reached the apex of his flight, casting his gaze down below. His eyes widened as he took in the Castle, as whole and undamaged as he remembered it being before the Calamity. Link looked towards Castle Town, only to see it returned to its glory days, instead of a smoking ruin.
“What in Demise’s fresh hell is going on,” Link wondered aloud.
Maybe Link’s screwing with the logic of reality had finally caught up to him.
Deciding he’d deal with whatever this was later, Link set up another bomb chain and exploded himself across Hyrule. He flew merrily to the Great Plateau but just like the Castle, it wasn’t in ruins. The temples to the Three Goddesses were intact, worshippers striding along the great stairway leading from the Plateau entrance. And notably, there was no Sheikah Tower piercing the landscape.
Link dropped down just outside the Temple of Time. With little effort, he scaled the walls and clambered inside the main tower. From his vantage point, he looked out across Hyrule.
It didn’t take a genius to realize what had happened.
Time travel.
Honest to gods time travel .
Link wouldn’t lie, this was weird. Even for him.
So, somehow that glowing portal sent me into the past, Link thought to himself. The Calamity hasn’t emerged yet, and the Champions are still alive. Link hummed, eyes narrowing as he took in Hyrule Castle in the distance. But the Calamity will come. And when it does…
A slow grin spread across his face, manic and toothed.
I’m going to destroy it .
Get ready Ganon, there’s a new Calamity in town.
Link waited for all of an hour, picking at the dirt between his toes and scratching at his itching scars before he finally gave up on being patient. If the Calamity was going to make him wait, he’d go out and make chaos of himself. He remembered there were a lot of monster incursions before the Calamity rose.
He made to fire an arrow at the base of the tower, but stalled when he realized there was no convenient bokoblin there for him to launch off of.
Right, guess he was doing this the other way.
Shrugging, Link vaulted off the tower, and for the third time in under an hour, exploded himself across Hyrule.
Link was very confused.
It had been only two hours since his doppelganger had fallen through a luminous portal, slamming into Link and knocking both of them to the ground. Link had only gotten a brief glance at the Other Link, taking in the massive scars and— Dear Hylia why was he naked?!
Then, his doppelganger was gone in an explosion. Leaving Link, Zelda, the Champions, the King and everyone else staring in bafflement.
The King had immediately ordered a search for the strange outsider, though this was complicated by the fact that no one knew how he’d arrived. Nor how he had left so quickly for that matter. Link had been questioned on if he happened to have a twin brother, but he’d quickly shaken his head.
He’d never seen that guy before in his life!
Well… he had. It was ‘him’, or at least looked like him. But he’d never seen the doppelganger before.
While the King ordered the Hylian army to begin looking for the doppelganger, the Champions, Link, the Egg Guardian and Zelda headed off to inspect the Divine Beasts.
They didn’t get very far before they found chaos.
Or more correctly, chaos found them.
And chaos was shaped like his doppelganger.
Link hadn’t meant to run into Other Link.
He’d been minding his own business taking out some monsters, which were so numerous that he kept tripping over them. He’d forgotten exactly how infested Hyrule had been with monsters before the Calamity. Bored and not having exploded anything other than himself for a good while, Link pulled out his bomb arrows and started blasting.
He was having quite a fun time too.
However, when Other Link ran onto the field, Link’s mind did an excellent approximation of the Sheikah Slate’s error message, since he had forgotten about the time travel bit. Other Link, Zelda, the Champions and… a young Impa(?) all skidded to a stop, staring at him incredulously for a good ten seconds.
Actual Link looked at them, all very much alive.
They looked at him, standing in the middle of a burning monster camp, in only his underwear.
“Welp,” Link stood straight, brushing his hands together. He swept his gaze around the burning battlefield, and then the Champions across from him, now with slack jaws and beak. Was it because he was speaking verbally? “I’m paid to fight monsters, not meet myself. Heck, I’m not paid at all. I should be, if Hylia’s putting me through this nonsense. Byeeee~ ”
With that Link started repeatedly jumping upwards towards the heavens.
Revali was too stunned by the sight of a Hylian “flying” to have the sense to follow.
…
After avoiding himself like a pro, Link skyjumped — that wasn’t a very catchy name… maybe moonjump? He probably could jump to the moon with this — all the way to the other side of Hyrule field. There, the lone Central Tower was sticking above the landscape. Link landed lightly on the Tower’s platform, and after a moment of thought, stuck the Sheikah Slate in the Tower’s guidance stone.
The Tower’s smart-juice-drippy-thing began to glow, the blue Sheikah liquid slowly gathering at the bottom of the stalactite. Link patiently waited for it to finish, and by patiently he meant literally climbing the walls and gnawing on the handle of his axe until it was finally done.
Once the smart technology juice had done its thing, Link snatched the Slate from the pedestal and opened his map. He noted with surprise there were now two, one of his version of Hyrule a hundred years in the future, and one of this Hyrule. A map of Central Hyrule was shown on the current map and even featured updated elements, like non-ruins in the once-ruined areas.
Link hummed, hooking the Slate back onto his belt. He glanced back up to the Hyrulean skyline, and jolted when he saw the distinct silhouettes of the Towers in the distance.
Ah. Right. When you activated one Tower, they all followed.
Zelda had figured that out when they activated the Sheikah Tower on the Great Plateau — since Link had skipped doing any Towers, Shrines and anything except murdering Ganon after he woke up — and suddenly about a dozen Towers followed suit across Hyrule. Link didn’t have much use for the Towers, since he could explode across Hyrule, but they made good launching platforms for his explosions.
The distinct sound of screeching cries caught his attention, and he looked off the edge of the Tower. Far below, he saw a horde of monsters running through the no-longer-ruins of Hyrule Garrison.
Right, that’s what I was doing, Link muttered to himself. Monster hunting. And I guess it won’t remain not-ruins if the monsters have their way.
He eyed the sheer drop, then shrugged.
Without fanfare, he stepped off the edge of the Sheikah Tower.
Link plummeted like a stone, but before he could hit ground he reared back to throw his axe, swapped to a cobble crusher, and gracefully alighted to the surface. The Hylian soldiers stared at him with shock, and a few even whispered his name in recognition. Link eyed one of the soldiers. They did look familiar… Wasn’t that guy's name Marok?
Link shook his head.
Right. Monsters.
Link snatched a royal claymore from a nearby soldier, ignoring their protests, and charged. A moblin lunged at him, and Link dodged to the side, Bullet Time descending around him. He gleefully eyed the monsters, moving so slow it was like they were trapped in molasses.
Time for some fun.
Rushing the moblin, Link whirled about with his claymore, slamming it into the monster’s head. The moblin fell almost instantly and Link darted to another bokoblin, sending it flying with another swing of his stolen weapon.
Hyrule really did have a monster infestation problem at this point, didn’t it? Link wondered to himself as he danced across the battlefield. Oh, look, a lynel! Fun!
Link cut Bullet Time, reeling back and hurling the claymore straight into the lynel’s chest. It staggered to a stop, collapsing to the ground.
Shrugging off the loss of his weapon, Link took out one of his bombs, countering the explosion to jump backwards. Now in the air, he whipped out his bow and nocked several bomb arrows against the bowstring. He drew back, a feral grin on his face as he locked eyes with a wave of approaching monsters.
The world lit up with light and fire.
…
After Link had suitably decimated the monster population, he grinned happily, grabbing some convenient sticks and swords to add to his weapon stash. He was nearly done too, when some of the soldiers began approaching. Link scowled. He wasn’t in the mood to do decorum again.
“Captain… Link…?” One of the soldiers asked, mildly fearful as looked Link over.
Link noped away.
Or more accurately, he ran the opposite direction, whistling as he went. He wasn’t surprised when the soldiers gave chase. That usually happened when he whistled. However, he had the advantage of speed.
Link twisted through alleyways, until roughly half the Garrison was on his tail.
Rude.
Eyeing the dead-end he was approaching, Link patted himself on the back for having a skew saved for this exact moment. The soldiers slowed as Link went further into the dead-end, likely believing him trapped.
Hah! As if something as silly as physics would stop him.
With a quick “Hyah!” and a well-timed shield jump, Link went straight through the wall. He emerged on the opposite side of the Garrison wall, ignoring the muffled cries of the soldiers. Stretching his arms, Link turned to climb the wall, because he could launch from this, but his gaze landed on the nearby pot.
His eyes widened.
Pot.
Must. Break.
Link pulled his eyes away, heroically attempting to resist temptation. No, Link, be responsible, he chided himself. Remember the potting incident from your time as a trainee in the army? Remember what Zelda said?
But… His gaze darted back to the lustrous ceramic. It’s so… breakable.
Link gave into temptation.
After all, he should live a little.
Link felt much happier after having broken the pot. The sound of shattering hardened clay was just so… satisfying. He sighed in contentment, and turned back to the wall, ready to launch, because he was supposed to do something about a monster infestation?
His gaze landed on another pot.
…
Several towns and a thousand broken pots later, Link shattered yet another against the wall, absolutely delighting as it broke. It never got old. He even got a rupee from this one!
Link grinned happily, marching out from the alleyway in search of more pots.
But instead of more pots, he stumbled onto a battlefield. Link blinked as his eyes landed on Other Link, Zelda, Young Impa and the Champions. Oh, and a swarm of Yiga. And… a tiny egg with legs following Other Link? What was that supposed to be?
Oh great, again? Link cast his eyes skyward. Really Hylia? If you’re going to send me through time, at least let me do things my way. Oh… and give Zelda access to her Goddess Powers already or I’ll come up to the Gods’ Realm and convince you.
There was a flare of golden light from Zelda’s hand, and Link nodded in satisfaction.
Good.
Link looked back to the battlefield, only to find that it had stalled with his presence. The Yiga looked between Actual Link and Other Link, obviously confused by two Heroes. Then a few shrugged off their indecision and charged him, screaming: “Death to the Hero!”
Link scowled. “Really?”
He dodged the first strike, looping around to the alleyway again. Finding a crate in an appropriate position, Link activated Stasis and hit it several times. Once it had enough stored momentum, Link ran out into the middle of the square, and gave the Yiga a razored grin.
“BANANAS ARE DISGUSTING!!”
The following roar of outrage was beautiful. But what was more beautiful was the sound of roughly a dozen Yiga getting hit with a flying crate.
“No!” one of the Yiga cried, this one wearing a weird hat. “How dare you insult the bananas?”
Link blinked.
“Your neck-thingy is dumb,” he told the strangely-dressed Yiga. “Honestly, you need fashion advice overall.”
The Yiga screamed in fury. “SOOGA!! FORGET THE HERO! KILL THE OTHER HERO!!”
A Yiga engaged with fighting Other Link stepped forward, nodding his head. “As you command Master Kogha.”
Link looked up. And up. And up. And up.
“You’re tall,” he told the tall-Yiga. “And buff. Have you met my friend Sidon?”
Tall-and-Buff responded by slamming an enormous windcleaver down towards Link, which he of course dodged. Link sniffed, continuing to dance around the Yiga’s attacks. “You’re also red,” he told Tall-and-Buff. “Are you sure you don’t know Sidon? Maybe you’re long lost siblings or something.”
Link flipped away from another strike. “Rude,” he sniffed. “I’m just trying to have a conversation here. You attack too much.”
“And you talk too much,” Tall-Buff-and-Red said.
Link gasped, activating Bullet Time on his next backflip. He pulled out a multishot bow, and fired several rounds of electrical arrows at the Yiga. His feet hit the ground and Link made a face at the twitching Tall-Buff-and-Red. “How dare,” Link retorted. “I happen to know talking is one of my best qualities. People always shut up when I start doing it.”
He looked over at the Champions, Zelda, Other Link, Young Impa and Egg that were all staring at him again, mouths hanging open. “See?” Link gestured to the group. “Nothing!”
When no one responded, Link huffed. “Honestly,” he muttered. “No one appreciates me.” He started walking away, beginning to moonjump towards the heavens.
“Hey, wait—” Revali’s voice came from below. “You can’t just— How are you—”
Link grinned below. “See ya, Cucco Feathers!”
As Revali sputtered behind him, Link hopped into the distance.
“Okay, let’s think about this logically,” Zelda muttered, her hands pressed to her mouth in thought.
All five Champions, the Egg Guardian, Zelda, Impa, and the Sheikah researchers Purah and Robbie were all clustered around a map of Hyrule. Red pins and string crisscrossed the map, overlapping countless times. On the table were dozens of reports and other slips of paper, with hundreds of notes scribbled in the margins.
All of it, dedicated to one entity: The New Cryptid of Hyrule.
Or? Link’s doppelganger.
“Zelda, I don’t think logic applies to… whatever this guy is,” Impa waved a hand the map.
Link nodded. It was an excellent point.
Zelda slammed a hand against the table. On the back of her hand glowed the symbol of the Triforce, having just… appeared after their encounter with the Yiga in Gatepost Town. It was yet another mystery surrounding the Hyrulean Cryptid.
“No,” the Princess growled. “Everything leads back to… whoever he is.”She began to pace across the room, all eyes following her path.
“After he appeared, he’s had no apparent path across Hyrule. He began in Central, but he’s been spotted as far south as Faron and as far north as Death Mountain. The reports from the Gorons say he began a massive trail of explosive that continued for over an hour and created a comet-like path in the sky,” Zelda pointed to several pinned locations on the map. “His presence caused over a dozen Sheikah Towers to appear, but he doesn’t seem to engage with them. He has destroyed nearly every pot in Central Hyrule, but somehow we continue to get reports of him breaking more.”
The Princess gave a garbled screech, pulling at her hair and Link stepped back slightly. “He obliterates any monsters he encounters, has been seen phasing straight through walls. The Hyrule Garrison said he jumped straight off the tower, but before he could hit the ground he… flickered and then was fine. He defeated a lynel with one strike, and set fire to nearly all of Hyrule field.”
She spun, pinning Link down with a wild eyed gaze, and pointed to him viciously. “And most of all, he looks like you .”
“I swear, I don’t know who he is,” Link replied in sign, his hands shaking slightly in the face of the Princess’s fury.
“Certainly not you,” Revali muttered. “I’ve never heard you speak one word, yet he apparently has no such qualms. Both rather rude and imperious though.”
Link surreptitiously glared at the Rito Champion.
I’m not the rude one, Link muttered.
“Are you sure you don’t have like… an opposite twin?” Robbie needled Link. “He’s kind of… you but flipped.”
Link felt mildly offended by that statement. He could blow things up just fine! If anything, his doppelganger was having fun, while Link was stuck here in his soldier’s armor… Maybe he could get Cryptid Link to trade?
The Egg Guardian beeped and whistled, twisting around Link’s legs. Several eyes were drawn to it as it trilled and chirped. “Sorry Little One,” Urbosa chuckled. “We don’t understand a word.”
The Egg Guardian made a vaguely offended sounding whistle. It lifted two of its legs in the air, waving them about. However, the little automata seemed to have forgotten that it required those legs to stay standing, and it toppled over with an angry beep. Link huffed and picked up the Little Guardian. It whistled happily, twining one leg around his arm. It’s head spun, looking between Link and the pile of papers.
Purah watched it closely, then her eyes sparkled. “I’ve got an idea,” she said slowly, and the room turned to her. She pointed at the Little Guardian. “Listen, that thing travelled through time right? It brought us information on the Calamity. Well what if…” she paused, looking almost apprehensive, then continued. “What if that Crytpid running around is Link?”
They all stared at her in bafflement and Purah huffed. “Look, time travelling guardian. Another Link. Ergo? A time travelling Link.”
“So… the Little Guy is going to erupt in the future?” Daruk asked, tilting his head. “His volcano is building pressure?”
Link considered that. Would he erupt? He considered the pressure he was under as a knight, and what he might do if he was released from that pressure… Something clicked. Oh. So this was just him… ignoring a lot of inhibitions.
He looked at the map, with its crisscrossing red string.
Yeah, I could see it.
“But,” Zelda frowned as she looked between Link and the map. “He didn’t seem to know us. Well, he knew Link, but he didn’t seem to recognize Kogha or Revali. Perhaps… Perhaps it’s a Link without his memory?”
Some of the group nodded, accepting that answer, but Daruk, Mipha, and Link himself exchanged glances. The other two Champions knew him best, and they knew Link had always had a… gremlin side to put it lightly.
Yeah, I think the result would be the same with my memories, Link thought to himself. But I wonder what would have caused me to snap like this?
He really wanted to know, and really didn’t want to know.
Link was on a mission.
Well, he was on several missions actually.
The original mission had been to tackle the monster infestation problem of Hyrule, but he’d gotten distracted by several other missions that he now kept switching between. He’d gone on a pot-shattering frenzy for a little bit, then got distracted by a dog and went on a quest to pet all the dogs in Hyrule. Unfortunately, the Stables weren’t there, so Link’s reliable supply of dogs wasn’t there.
Due to the lack of known dogs, Link decided to go pet the next best thing: lynels.
Unfortunately, the lynels weren’t very interested in pets, so Link ended up back on his monster hunting quest. At least for a bit.
His current objective was attempting to swim through the ground.
Having successfully phased into the ground, Link was currently engaged in a reverse Jesus (whoever that was, he had no idea). Eyeing some support structure above — because for some reason the ground became transparent when you were inside it, who knew? — he moonjumped up towards his target. Link steadied himself just below the ground, enjoying the villagers confused reactions as they looked for the source of the constant “Hyahs!” Then, Link jumped a bit higher and stuck his head through the ground.
Perhaps he took a bit too much joy in the terrified shrieks, but the people of his Hyrule had long since grown accustomed to his pranks.
Link yelped as he was hit in the head with a broom and fell back into the ground. Right, that was the other effect of popping through the ground in the middle of a town. He got a lot of brooms. Really, what’d a guy have to do to enjoy some broom-free ground swimming?
After returning to his usual explosion method of transportation, Link was paragliding over the Lanayru wetlands when the distinct sound of screams and roars caught his ears. He looked down to the ground, and spotted a monster horde chasing down some civilians.
Oh, they couldn’t have that.
Link dropped like a rock, cancelling his fall directly between the monsters and the civilians. Both sides reared back at his sudden appearance, and Link grinned. It was all teeth.
“Hello,” he greeted pleasantly, then shot a volley of electric arrows at the monsters several lengths away.
While the monsters were busy being electrocuted, Link turned to the civilians, who were staring at him with shock. “Follow my orders if you want to live,” Link instructed, and they nodded rapidly.
Link headed over to a nearby tree, taking out his axe and chopping the tree down with a few quick blows. He Stasis-ed the falling tree before it could completely collapse, and then spun with his axe, the shimmering arrow turning to red.
With the tree flashing behind him, Link pointed to the trunk. “Get on.”
The civilians immediately obeyed, scrambling aboard the tree trunk. Thankfully there were only a few of them, so they all fit. The tree began to flash faster, Stasis nearly ready to break.
“Uh, what now?” One of them asked.
Link grinned. “Hold on.”
With a snap, the time-lock broke and the tree rocketed off into the distance, screams trailing behind it. Link watched it go, shading his eyes against the sun. He noted they had the good sense to jump off right before impact, and he could hear them cursing his name even from here.
Ah, they were fine.
Link dispatched the monsters quickly enough with some more electric arrows, but just as he was cutting down the last Lizalfos, the skies darkened. He frowned, looking towards the Castle, where a towering pillar of malice and darkness was wreathing around the Sanctum.
Link grinned savagely. “About time,” he told the Calamity.
Deciding he needed to travel in style, Link did a quick deactivation of a local Guardian and Cryonis-ed it onto a nearby raft. With his floating ship now set, Link climbed atop the Guardian’s head and started throwing bombs behind them. They set sail across the skies, soaring to victory.
Since there wasn’t much to do on the flight over, Link spent some time sniping Guardians with his massive ancient arrow supply. It lasted for about half the flight before boredom took hold.
Link huffed, jumping off the guardian and setting up a bomb chain. He detonated it, and was once more ragdolling across Hyrule.
…
Link arrived at Hyrule Castle, and found the Calamity had unfortunately taken no time in setting up shop, malice and all. The pure endless well of rage that had fuelled him upon his awakening in the Shrine of Resurrection began to resurface, and Link felt it burning through his veins.
He grinned down at the Sanctum.
“I’ve got quite the plan for you, Ganon,” Link cackled.
Link spat out a globule of blood, hissing at Ganon with blood stained teeth. The Master Sword glowed fiercely in his hand, a luminous beacon amid the malice and darkness infested Sanctum. Around him, the Champions battled with the Blights and Zelda’s holy powers cut like a blade through the malice, but it wasn’t enough.
The malice just continued to renew itself, oozing around them like poisonous, corrosive sap.
Astor, the mad prophet, cackled. “Don’t you see?! The Calamity now wields twice the power! We have been gifted strength by the Calamity of another timeline, you cannot win Heroes!” The madman laughed, loud and manic. “Hyrule is mine to command!”
Even Link knew that was a bad thing to say.
Astor was quickly consumed by Calamity Ganon, twisting into a giant and misshapen form, hyrulean in shape but malice in body.
Calamity Ganon screamed and the sound made Link’s blood freeze in his veins. The Abomination swept a hand across the room, flinging the Champions away, and rubble fell like rain. Link tackled Zelda aside from one. They both groaned, rolling to their feet, only to look up, up, up into the hate-filled eyes of the Calamity.
Link’s heart beat like a drum in his chest. No, they couldn’t lose. They couldn’t. They couldn’t!
The Calamity’s glowing blue blade raised, prepared to strike—
“You know, I thought you couldn’t get any uglier.”
The room paused as the voice rang out, and Link turned to see his doppelganger, the Cryptid standing in the center of the Sanctum with his arms crossed. From the shattered window above, Link guessed he’d just jumped down into the Sanctum.
The doppelganger strode forward, lightly picking his way towards the Calamity.
The Cryptid eyed the Calamity disdainfully, narrowing his eyes as he sniffed the air. The Little Guardian whistled in panic, one leg waving pitifully in the air as a warning. The Cryptid glanced at it, then back at the Calamity. “Two of you, huh?” the Cryptid commented thoughtfully.
Then a wide, wide grin stretched across Link’s doppelganger’s face. It was terrifying.
“You thought that would help you?”
Link entered the Sanctum, saw Other Link, Zelda, the Champions, Egg, and various others all in states of disarray, with an anthropomorphic form of the Calamity in front of him, and rage bubbled to the surface.
He slammed to the ground, eyeing the Monstrosity.
“You know,” he said lazily to the Calamity, as if they were discussing the weather. “I thought you couldn’t get any uglier.”
Link strolled forward, eyes locked onto the Calamity the entire time.
As he approached, he noticed the Calamity felt more… potent. He narrowed his eyes, sniffing the air, as the Egg beeped in panic. Link managed to pick out the garbled morse code, which told him the Creature in front of him contained two Calamities, one from this time, and one from a hundred years past of Link’s time.
“Two of you, huh?” Link said, then laughed, long and loud. “You thought that would help you?” Link’s smile was manic, as he eyed the raging Calamity. “You thought merging could save you?” He leaned forward, looking directly into Calamity Ganon’s eyes.
“I told you,” Link said in a soft whisper. “I’m going to destroy you.”
The Calamity hissed, rearing back to strike him, but as soon as it moved, several dozen ancient arrows (which Link can fired before he set foot in the arena, and time-stalled with some reality-warping) slammed into the malice abomination. The monstrosity screamed, collapsing as the ancient weaponry dissolved parts of it’s body. It snarled as Link approached, getting back to its feet and sending a wave of malice towards him. Link casually parried it with his shield, sending the Calamity staggering backwards.
He advanced forwards, pulling out the One Hit Obliterator (which he had smuggled away from Maz Koshia because no way was Link giving up this thing) and smacking Ganon across the face. Unfortunately, the Obliterator wasn’t made for two Calamities occupying the same form.
So, it took out one of them. The fragment from this time, Link guessed, as a more unfamiliar wisp of malice vanished.
Link leaned down, tilting the Calamity’s malice chin up with the Obliterator.
He grinned at it, and his smile was manic, lethal, and razored.
“Just you now,” Link drawled as he stared down at it. “Honestly, you never stood a chance. I won this fight before it even began.”
Link smiled at the fear that entered the Calamity’s eyes. His Calamity’s eyes. With a whimpering screech, the malice started disintegrating into dust, and the Calamity started seeping down into the cracks of the floor. Link smiled, letting it enjoy the retreat for a second, before he leaned down to whisper:
“Checkmate, you useless excuse for a Frankenstein techno spider,” Link said.
He punched the One Hit Obliterator down so hard that it shattered, and the wailing scream of terror from the Calamity went with it.
Link brushed his hands together, stepping back to observe the disintegrating malice. He heard a cough from behind him, and spun to see Other Link, Zelda, Egg, Young Impa, and the four Champions staring at him with shock and awe.
“How… who are you?” Zelda asked breathlessly.
Since she was his favorite — he had beat the embodiment of evil in thirty minutes for her, because holding back such a thing for a hundred years was no joke and she needed a break — Link conceded to the question.
“I’m paid to fight monsters, not meet myself,” Link said with a shrug, nodding to Other Link.
“Are you the Wrath of the Gods?” Young Impa asked, watching him with wide eyes.
Link scrunched his nose. “Nah, that sounds exhausting.” Then he tilted his head, frowning. “Unless the Hero’s Spirit itself is the Wrath of the Gods which… might explain some things.” He shrugged. “I’m living a little.”
“A little?! ” Revali squawked.
Link nodded. “Yep, I’m repressed. This is the result.” He pointed at Other Link. “Some advice, take some time off.”
Other Link nodded.
Link hummed, squinting up at the ceiling. “Now I just have to figure out how to get back… I guess if I glitch hard enough I can break reality to get through—”
“PLEASE DON’T!!!”
Link sighed in frustration as the room shouted at him to not break reality. Honestly, they were no fun. The Egg beeped at him and Link glanced down to see it wave a leg at him. It’s eye shone brightly and then a glowing white gateway appeared in the air nearby. Link raised an eyebrow at the portal, then looked over to the Egg. “Neat.” He approached the Gate, giving the party a two fingered salute. “It’s been nice and all, but I’ve got mountains to surf and fires to set.” He waved to the Egg. “Thanks for giving me another shot at scaring Ganon senseless. Give me a ring if you want a visit.”
Link pulled out a chuchu jelly, did a quick spin to pop it and launch himself into the air, then activated Bullet Time. He gave one last fond look at the group and the Egg. Then, he placed his bombs and exploded himself through the portal.
It was fun, beating up the Calamity again, but it was a little tiring setting everything up. He wanted to go back to simple physics defying.
Like flying Guardian Boats.
Or testing how high he could go before he passed out.
You know, just generally breaking the laws of reality.
...
When Link got back, Zelda was utterly furious. “Where have you been?!” she demanded, hands on her hips.
“Well, excuuuuuuse me Princess,” Link drawled. “I can’t help it when an Egg decides to time travel me against my will. On the plus side, I beat up Ganon again!”
“… Why do I even try.”