Chapter Text
If there was one thing that Tommy appreciated, it was superstition. First responders wouldn’t seem like the types to believe in things like that, but walk into any firehouse, police station, call center, or air operations base and use the Q word and you’d find out pretty quickly how serious some people took certain things. Even the skeptics tended to just respect such things. So, no one cared that Tommy took every single full moon off, they just poked fun whenever someone that didn’t already know discovered the pattern and Tommy could handle that easily. Far easier than anyone actually wanting to know exactly why Tommy needed to be off on the nights when the moon was big and whole and more magical than on any other night.
The moon was magical, or at least, it felt that way to Tommy. It wasn’t how he’d felt his whole life, granted, but he’d come to find the magic. He didn’t hate it, like he knew some Werewolves did. Instead, he was awed by it and the power that it held over Tommy. After all, Tommy was, like all Werewolves, cursed to turn at the full moon and stay that way until sunrise. At any other time, he could turn at will, but a full moon meant that Tommy had no control over that and resisting just meant a boatload of pain.
Throughout most of his adult life, Tommy had dealt with what he was. The duality of being a man and also an animal…a beast. Werewolves weren’t born, they were made.
For Tommy it happened while he was in the Army. For all intents and purposes, it was also the thing that got him discharged, though no one had ever put it like that to him or for that matter on the paperwork. What he did know was that after the attack and the bite that changed everything, he had a visit in the infirmary from representatives from the United States Werewolf Division.
That visit ended with him leaving the Army before the end of his contract. Some reason was given and the plan that Tommy had been hoping to follow had fallen apart.
He was told what the bite entailed, and then given very little option but to go along with them even when Tommy didn’t believe a word they said to him. A part of him had even believed his pain meds were making him hallucinate. That was not the case.
As it turned out, Werewolves weren’t uncommon. They also weren’t wild beasts intent on killing people, they were just a part of the world and yes they did have to change at every full moon and no the howling at the moon part wasn’t required.
He spent the time he was in recovery trying to figure out what kind of elaborate prank was being played on him, that is until things started to get strange. His senses were going haywire. His nails felt sharper. His skin itched. The morning he woke up with a furry paw for a hand was the day that Tommy finally believed what they were telling him.
That first full moon was the hardest. He was taken to a reinforced steel room with literally nothing in it but him. When night hit, Tommy screamed as his skin seemed to stretch and tear while his bones were breaking and putting themselves back together. It was agony. Tommy was sure he’d passed out more than once because he was going in and out of consciousness. By the end, he was left a wolf. Bigger than a regular wolf, but still a wolf. More precisely, a Werewolf.
After that, Tommy was free to live his life. He was given an honorable discharge and as much as he hated it, Tommy understood why. It was too risky for him to stay and there was no such thing as Werewolf leave so he could bunker down every full moon. Nor did anyone want to deal with the possibility that he might bite someone and either turn them or hurt them.
So, two months after the attack — the first month of which was spent in recovery from the bite — the Werewolf Division felt he was ready to get back to civilian life.
“Don’t tell anyone you don’t trust. Always find somewhere safe to be on the full moon. Check in with the local Werewolf Division at least every six months,” the official looking woman didn’t even look at him directly, her eyes trained instead on her list.
Tommy agreed to all of it, he signed all the paperwork, and then he had a hell of a whole lot else to figure out. But he was nothing if not resilient. It was how he wound up at the Fire Academy despite the Werewolf Division trying to convince him otherwise. In the end, they couldn’t stop him. Instead, they supported him and even found legitimate reasons for him to miss work during full moons while he was a probie and expected to be available at all times.
The first year was the hardest. He was a probie, for one thing, and for another he was a Werewolf. Tommy found the Werewolf Division in LA both useful in some respects but entirely pointless in others. They were who you called if you bit someone, or if you knew another Werewolf that had gone feral. They were a resource. They also had what they called Werewolf Support meetings and Tommy found that helpful for about five minutes and he never went back again.
The thing about it was that, once you got used to it, shifting form didn’t hurt. It felt nice, even. It was freeing in a way that Tommy could have never imagined. Tommy had also gotten used to his senses. Even as a human they were intensified, but one of the first things he was taught was how to dial that down.
The Werewolf Division encouraged every Werewolf to embrace who they were and to learn to live a life that balanced out the human and the animal. They had monthly forest runs and every full moon they offered space both indoors and outdoors for them to use.
Tommy just never found any of it useful. He preferred going out on his own when he was too full of energy that only shifting to four legs could get it out. The first few full moons he spent at the Werewolf Division just to be safe. It didn’t take him long to just stay home and deal with them on his own.
As soon as he was able to, he managed to move out of his shitty apartment to a house with a yard big enough for him to run around in. That was where he spent most full moons.
Meanwhile, he found a place for himself as a firefighter even if it meant agreeing with Captain Gerard and his very backwards view of the world. Tommy had experience dealing with less than ideal superiors and at least he got along with the rest of the 118, not that he would have ever trusted any of them with his secret.
Strangely, coming to terms with being a Werewolf was easier and faster than the other thing that made him different. His attraction to men and only men. Stranger still that the thing he could say outloud to everyone without coming off insane was the thing that gave him the most anxiety. So, he shared neither.
It took years, long after Tommy had settled into being part human and part animal. After he met Howie and after Hen showed up to say “I’m here, I’m proud, and I’m not going anywhere” in a way that Tommy desperately wished he could as well. Even then, it wasn’t until he left the 118 behind that Tommy could finally breathe.
He never outright told anyone. He just didn’t hide it and people made up their own conclusions.
Tommy did continue to hide that he was a Werewolf and he allowed his co-workers to poke fun when they saw he wasn’t on the schedule for yet another full moon. The entire time, the only Werewolves he knew were the ones he encountered at the Werewolf Division. As far as he knew there weren’t any other first responder Werewolves, but Tommy could admit that as bad as his gaydar was, his wolfdar was worse.
When his shift ended after what had been a day full of rope rescues, Tommy found himself changing out of the flight overalls.
“See ya tomorrow, Kinard,” Garita, one of the newer aeromedics said, slapping his shoulder as he walked to the door.
“No you won’t,” Mario threw in from his spot in front of his own locker.
“Off,” Tommy confirmed.
“Don’t you know our Tommy’s afraid of the full moon crazies,” Mario said, complete with a laugh.
Tommy just shook his head. He gathered his things and he followed Garita out the door.
“I mean, you’re not crazy for not wanting to work full moons,” Garita said and Tommy couldn’t tell if he was just being some type of indulgent. “People sure act strange. Have a good night, Tommy.”
“Good night.”
The moon was set clear in the dark blue sky. LA was not the most conductive place to look up at the sky. All the light pollution really did just leave the moon and occasionally the bright pinprick of a planet. It did look almost full, so close that it could be mistaken for full. Tommy knew better.
No one explained why Werewolves had such a reaction to the moon. All Tommy had to go on was stories and since they didn’t get most things right, he didn’t expect that to be correct either.
Getting back to his empty house made him want to leave it again almost at once. Sometimes he really did wish he had someone to come home to. Not even a significant other. A friend. Someone that was family. It was impossible, of course, but Tommy felt lonely.
Tommy was absolutely sure that no one could describe coming out as easy. What Tommy found harder was accepting himself as gay, embracing the descriptor and the identity and acting on it. He didn’t have the best first experiences, not when he tried to jump right in without taking account for doing things the right way and with the right person. Tommy settled for what he could get — hookups and one night stands. Guys that flirted with him and took him to bed and then left or expected him to leave.
Trying to find anything more serious was even more of a hassle. He just never seemed to find anyone that fit. The Werewolf thing became a bit of a problem for him with his love life. Tommy wasn’t ever told he couldn’t tell anyone what he was, it was just that he never met anyone he trusted enough to tell. It left a big wall between him and anyone he tried to seriously date.
Realizing that, for the longest time he settled for one-night stands and small flings. Nothing serious. It had to be enough for him, no matter how much he was lying to himself in thinking that he was actually happy. He wasn’t. The few times Tommy thought that maybe he’d found someone he might tell, it ended before he got a chance to say anything.
The day leading up to the full moon was always a day when Tommy felt antsy. He took a run around the block early in the morning, grabbed breakfast at his favorite cafe and even indulged in an almond danish. Then, he took care of all the chores he’d been putting off. Anything to kill the energy thrumming through him.
Mid-afternoon found him outside shirtless but with shorts on. He waited until it was a bit darker before stepping out of his shorts. With the sun all but gone, the temperature had dropped and a breeze tickled his bare skin.
Tommy stepped barefoot out onto the grass, feeling it squish under his toes. The transformation felt like a whole body itch, but it all happened in less than a minute. It still blew Tommy’s mind how quick it was. He had never quite understood it from a physiological perspective. Then again, he’d never understood how it was possible for Werewolves to exist and no one, not even anyone at the Werewolf Division could answer.
Tommy shook himself, almost like a wet dog might after a bath, except he wasn’t wet. His limbs felt so different as a wolf, as did the perspective of being on all fours. Tommy was a tall guy and down on all fours, despite how big of a wolf he was, he saw things entirely different. His eyesight was better too, more suited for nighttime.
Walking forward, he dropped into a stretch — downward dog. His head was down close to the grass and his front legs while his bottom, tail included, was in the air. The tail had kind of freaked him out the first time he realized he could wag it. Holding the pose for a short moment, he pushed back and then he leaped into a run. His claws dug into the grass and dirt and it felt amazing as they pushed him into leaps and bounds.
When asked why he’d purchased his house, Tommy always talked about the attached two car garage big enough for a car lift, because the house itself was kind of small. Big enough for one, which was a bit of a depressing thought. It did make up for it in land. The backyard was huge. He could have fit two more of his house on it and still had room for a garden. The previous owner had even had municipal permission to dig up a pool, but Tommy didn’t need that.
Tommy ran the perimeter of the tree fence he’d planted for privacy. He sniffed at the air and threw his head back to look at the moon. He didn’t howl at it.
When he got tired of running, he returned to the small patio at the back of the house. His outdoor furniture would never hold him as a wolf, but he had an oversized dog bed and that was where he headed, curling himself on it and relaxing into the wolf mind. He didn’t allow himself to think about wanting someone to spend full moons with, or how if he went to the Werewolf Division for the wolf runs he could at least have company.
He was probably the most boring Werewolf in LA. It was something that Tommy thought about often. He didn’t think he was wrong. He ran around a bit more, the pads of his paws lightly touching the grass and sinking into hard soil. Eventually, he flopped down on his stomach and rolled to his side.
The next morning, he awoke still a wolf. He wasn’t on the bed, but instead in the middle of his yard on the grass. The morning was cold and the grass was covered in dew. He lingered where he sat until he started to get hungry. He was always hungry the day after a full moon due to all the energy spent in the transformation.
Transforming back to human was as easy as the transformation into a wolf. He did come out of it a lot dirtier. Glad for a shift that didn’t start until late afternoon, he lingered in his shower for longer than usual and took his time dressing before he made breakfast. It always took a while to get back to normal after so many hours spent as a wolf, but as soon as he sat down with his scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon, Tommy started to feel more himself.
He expected a bit of teasing when he got to work and he wasn’t disappointed. It was Percy and Mario going at him with Garita still too unsure where he fit into the dynamic.
“I just didn’t peg you for superstitious,” Mario said.
“I do own a rabbit’s foot,” Tommy pointed out.
Mario rolled his eyes. “Let it be known, Garita, that if you ever get him for Secret Santa, you’re better off not trying to give him a gag gift. He’ll embrace it fully no matter how embarrassing.”
“He’s exaggerating,” Tommy said.
It was one of their less busy nights. Tommy should have known it was exactly because of that, that things would change.
It started with a call.
Howie Han flashed on his phone.
“Gotta get this,” he said and excused himself. “Hey, Chim, what’s up?”
“Gonna need your help, Tommy,” Chim said, sounding serious.
Before he knew it, he was flying a helicopter out into a hurricane as a favor to Chim and on Hen’s hunch alone. He had no way of knowing how that would change his entire world.
Tommy didn’t even give the two firefighters Chim brought with him too much mind after introductions, at least not until they were in the air and they all started bickering with each other. That gave him a small bit of insight as to the dynamics, but also it kinda cut at him. He was an outsider looking into this family and it was everything he’d always wanted. The camaraderie, the friendship, the way they were putting their jobs and their lives on the line to save one of their own even when there was clearly some tension between them.
They were a pack; family.
The Werewolf Division warned about isolation, about becoming a lone wolf. It wasn’t a short road to going feral, but it certainly didn’t help. It was why they tried their best to bring Werewolves together so often, so that they could find friendship among each other and maybe even form a pack. Tommy had never quite managed more than a few acquaintances.
In some ways, he had the crew at Harbor, but it just wasn’t quite what the 118 clearly had — what they had become after his transfer. Listening to them over the open channel, Tommy kept silent and he hated himself a little for bringing the mood down by reminding them that they were flying into a hurricane.
He was a good pilot. Excellent, really. It still didn’t change that he couldn’t control the wind or the rain or even the amount of fuel they had and how that cut into the amount of time they actually had to search. When they finally saw it and he brought them down on the belly of the capsized cruise ship, it almost felt like they could all breathe again. Tommy felt relieved even as the worry for what they might find slowly overtook them.
He was impressed by the way Hen took over, and he couldn’t help but think about Hen the probie. She’d been bullied and pushed around and treated so badly and still she had fought for the place she earned.
It was morning by the time Tommy flew back to the coast guard ship for the last time. The skies were blue and clear, almost like a hurricane hadn’t just gone through. It was crazy how nature worked and how quickly something could just clear up leaving a bright new day. Evan wound up up front with him. He looked tired, but happy. Tommy gave himself a moment to look at him.
Evan was attractive. He was the usual build of a firefighter, strong and sturdy. He had a boyish quality to him, though, and it seemed that with the danger over he was allowing himself to enjoy the flight and the view of the water. His blue eyes were almost the color of the water and a pink mark that had to be a birthmark sat over one eyebrow. Tommy thought it made him that much more attractive. Evan was captivating. Tommy also knew he had absolutely no chance there. Still, it was nice to look.
“You know,” Evan said, “they say the ocean is the Earth’s heart.”
“And here I was expecting some fact about the Titanic,” Eddie said.
Evan turned to look behind him and Tommy got the sense that Evan was taking Eddie’s comment on as a challenge.
“The ship that answered the mayday call, the Carpathia was 58 nautical miles away and answered the call to help anyway. Her Captain did the impossible. Made the ship go as fast as possible for a steam ship of her size and prepared for survivors. That ship, its Captain, the crew, and even the passengers all did everything they could to get there fast and to take in anyone in need of aid. There was another ship. The Californian. They were closer, close enough to see the Titanic even. They did not act. Arriving after the Carpathia when it was already too late.”
Tommy didn’t know what to be. Impressed, sure. A little amused. He was even…well, why did he find Evan even more attractive?
“That’s interesting,” Tommy said.
“It’s the difference between a Captain who wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he knew that he did nothing in light of that distress call even if he found no survivors and one that turned off the wireless overnight and that despite seeing rockets decided to wait instead of offering assistance,” Evan said.
“I guess that’s kinda fitting,” Eddie said.
Tommy saw Evan smile.
Once they were on the coast guard ship, he got to watch alongside Eddie and Evan as Bobby reunited with Athena. There was no mistaking the relief and the love felt there. He was surprised at his own relief and how happy it felt to have been a part of the rescue. He watched them embrace and felt that pang of the thing still missing in his life. Tommy wanted a partner. He wanted to love and be loved in return. It felt like something so little and yet so large to long for.
Tommy wasn’t prepared when a hand landed on his shoulder, but he turned to share a smile because they had gone through the whole thing together and they were on the other side.
When Tommy looked at Evan, he found an easy and pretty smile. Blue eyes that squinted in the sun. It was truly unfair how gorgeous he was. Evan’s smile dropped away a moment later and he swallowed nervously. Tommy could only watch him. Nothing could have prepared him.
“How, uh, how long have you been a Werewolf?”