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Yoichi’s most dangerous thoughts happened when he was lying in bed on the cusp of sleep. His mind would wander to his brother. His relentless chase of him. The confusion he felt thinking about it. Was his brother chasing him because he wanted him? Because he actually loved him and he wanted to make amends? To be brothers?
He wasn’t sure, but he wished that were the case. Kudo never bothered to hide what his brother did. There was no point. Or maybe there was: so that Yoichi would have no doubt his brother was not a good man. That his brother’s "love" was dangerous.
Whenever Yoichi stepped into the devastation his brother caused, and the heartbreak and anxiety started to overwhelm him, he longed to find something, anything comforting to focus on. On the scene, there were so many good willed people that helped those in need, and he admired all of them. But every time his deepest insecurities crept to the surface and he wanted to give up, to stop, every single time his eyes would find Kudo.
Kudo.
Just his name sent a chill down his spine. He was like a single flower blooming in the aftermath of a fire. Kudo was the exact opposite of his brother. Kudo was kind, patient, gentle. He helped people in need. Saved the weak and stood up to the strong. He made hard decisions, some Yoichi didn’t always agree with, but nonetheless done for the greater good. Kudo would disagree, but in Yoichi’s mind, he was a hero. So if Kudo was his brother’s opposite, then his brother had to be bad.
The warmth Yoichi didn’t even know he longed for, Kudo gave to him. When their hands first touched, he instantly knew he’d never be able to live without them. When they first kissed, his body ignited from the inside and he felt reborn. The first time they made love, Yoichi knew that was it. He could never escape him.
He felt his new life begin when he fell in love with Kudo.
Love. That’s what this was right? Love came in all forms; there was never one definite shape to love. Love can be the best gift you can give someone and can turn humans into the biggest monsters. He knew first hand how quickly humans switched sides when money, sex and love were involved. And for a long time his brother’s love was the only kind he knew.
But what was between Yoichi and Kudo was different. Admittedly, the intimacy they shared started out of curiosity more than anything. So they never put a name to their relationship. It was too new, too spontaneous. Yoichi fell hard, but he wasn’t sure how Kudo felt about him. Humans have sex without an ounce of love between them every day. And Kudo was the type to keep people at a distance.
Especially after he found out his brother killed everyone Kudo ever cared about.
It was a day like any other since joining Kudo’s group, but Yoichi was in bed with a fever, resting until he woke up to loud thuds, banging, and objects shattering. Kudo was destroying anything and everything that wasn’t mounted to the floor and cursing his brother’s name.
When Yoichi ran up to him and Kudo whirled around to face him, the absolute look of fury on Kudo’s usually cool face made Yoichi want to cower in a corner.
But instead, he squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around Kudo’s waist. He was weak, Kudo could throw him off with no effort at all, but he didn’t. His presence somehow anchored him. Yoichi stopped him. It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m sorry, it’s okay—
I love you. He didn’t say that last part though. He was too afraid to.
Kudo fell asleep on his lap that night and while Yoichi watched him with his fingers buried in his soft spikes, something welled up in his chest. This wasn’t the ‘love’ his brother showed him, the ‘love’ he used to manipulate people, and Yoichi refused to believe that that was what love was. Not when there were so many amazing stories about it. Not when he felt this way. Yoichi never loved until he met Kudo. Until he kissed him, felt his hands all over him. Yoichi was in love. The real love. He was certain of it.
I want to protect you. I want to keep you safe. I want to stay by your side. Those were all valid feelings that Yoichi was okay with having. Feelings he never felt towards anyone until now and they made his heart soar. He was happy that he was able to calm Kudo, to save him from himself. He did that.
He felt powerful, like he held a place somewhere in Kudo’s heart. Like he actually had a chance. Even if this love was one sided he was content. Even in this harsh world, those thoughts, this love kept him going.
Yoichi felt his feelings deepen day by day until, before he knew it, he was in a deep trench with no hope of escaping. Kudo was the center of his world, he consumed all his thoughts and at first it seemed a little scary, but Yoichi welcomed it. He wanted to keep this first love, this feeling that felt so tangible he wanted to cradle it in his arms. Just once in his life he wanted something he could call his own. So he willingly sunk into that trench. Deeper and deeper.
It almost shocked him how drastically his world shifted in such a short amount of time. Before, it was all about his brother, comic books, heroes, darkness, struggling, surviving. Now it was Kudo. Kudo, Kudo, Kudo. Wanting to touch him, longing for his touch, the happiness he felt with him. Discovering new things, like what he liked, what he wanted to be. He wanted to keep learning more about himself. He wanted Kudo to help him. It was hard to concentrate on anything when Kudo was on his brain 24/7 like he was some love sick school girl, like he was obsessed.
But maybe he was.
He was obsessed with the way Kudo ruffled his hair when he praised him. Obsessed with how he held his waist, firm but gentle. Obsessed with the way his voice would go an octave lower when he called his name. The way he walked, talked, breathed. He loved it all and catalogued it in his brain for safe keeping. Yoichi observed a lot of people, but he had a special folder in his mind specifically titled Kudo.
But the more time he spent with Kudo, the more his feelings seemed to warp into… something else. Eventually, whenever Kudo touched him, he wished for that touch to be his and his only. When Kudo smiled he found himself wishing that he’d only smile at him and no one else. He hated it when Kudo left, even when he knew it was to help people. He hated it when he looked at, spoke to, existed with anyone that wasn’t him. He got upset, hurt, mad. He started to fantasize confining him. If only he was strong enough, he could stop Kudo from going out the door. He’d tie him up, kiss him stupid and smother his defiance as he sunk down onto him until all he could do was breathlessly pant his name. He wanted Kudo’s all, his whole being. If he could, he’d never let him leave his side.
And just who the hell do you think you are anyway? Yoichi wasn’t especially handsome, further downgraded by his malnourished and sickly appearance. He’s a nobody. Weak. Useless. The brother of a villain. He had nothing to offer to anybody. What right did he have to have such thoughts?
And how could he imagine something so vile when he knew all too well how miserable it was to have no choices, no freedom? Kudo gave him life when he rescued him only for Yoichi to return the favor by wishing to take away his. It made him sick. He started to hate himself, his love, everything he felt, everything he was. He started to feel like his brother: possessive, selfish, greedy. It scared him. He didn’t want to be this way, not when there were people suffering because he wasn’t strong enough to stop his brother in the first place.
No. Kudo belonged to the people who needed him. He belonged to everyone. He was a hero. So just the thought of wanting to keep him all to himself made Yoichi feel like the bad guy. A villain. The pure love he thought he had was slowly turning dark and twisted. He had to stop it. Reclaim whatever light that still remained in this messed up love.
So Yoichi started to avoid Kudo. Made sure their eyes never met, their skin never made contact. He avoided him on rare, almost peaceful days. He avoided him on days when Yoichi desperately needed him, when he saw new bodies, new victims. These days he felt sick all the time not because of his weak nature, but because he was shit and he felt like it too. His futon that was shoved lazily against the wall was where he spent most of his time, unmoving. His body felt heavy, his muscles ached. He felt like he was sinking into the floor. Into the cold soil. Fading away. He hated this. He was miserable. He felt like he was going to die. And maybe he should die.
He wanted Kudo.
He never knew wanting something he couldn’t have would hurt this much. If only he could love normal. If only he could be normal. Maybe he could have enjoyed this first love a little longer. I want him. I want Kudo. It’s too painful. Kudo please—
"Yoichi." Yoichi let out a tiny gasp as he was jolted back to his senses. It was as if he was brought back to the light, away from the dark hole his mind wandered into.
"Hey, Yoichi. Take a bath." Kudo called to him one day, "The water is ready." What day was it? When was the last time he got up? Took care of himself? He and the stain on the wall became very acquainted these past few days. And judging by the sun spots shining near it, it had to be about early evening. He didn’t move right away and Kudo didn’t push him. It was up to him to pull himself up. Powered by Kudo’s words— when he was ready— he dragged himself to the bathroom.
The running water against him felt good. He washed his hair and found it was a little thinner than before. His ribs were a bit more noticeable through his pale skin and the bones at his hips jutted out just a bit more. It reminded him of when he first arrived here.
The bath water waiting for him was just the right amount of warm to sooth his aching muscles. It hurt a little on his dry, cracked skin, but he needed the distraction, the earthly tether. He felt refreshed. He even went the extra mile to brush his teeth. The last few weeks were torture on his mind so the mental praise he gave himself for that simple action was welcomed.
While adjusting to the fit of his fresh set of clothes, he came out to see Kudo sitting on the couch. He was doing maintenance on his gear, the pieces scattered across the coffee table in front of him. Kudo glanced over at him, their eyes holding their gaze for a moment, before saying, "You look better."
Yoichi looked away, a hint of pink on his cheeks, "Thank you. For the bath." He said quietly. The room they shared was small, really only fit for one person, so there weren’t many places you could look. Even so, Yoichi couldn’t help stiffening when he felt Kudo staring as he walked over to his futon. Kudo’s eyes were still on him when he sat down, ready to return to what he was doing before. Ready to stare at his favorite stain for another few days. But at the last second Yoichi look over at him and, yes, Kudo’s eyes were fixed on him, arms spread across the back of the sofa, slouched casual and relaxed. Yoichi tensed.
"What is it?" Yoichi asked him.
"Nothing. What’s up with you?"
"Nothing." He hung his head.
"You’ve barely said two words to me this week." It felt more like an eternity.
"There’s nothing to say." He replied, barely audible.
A thick silence fell on them then. It felt like forever since the last words were uttered and Yoichi soon became convinced that was the end of it. But then he heard shifting from the couch, heavy footsteps and then he sees feet through the curtain of his bangs. Kudo knelt down and settled in front of him.
Kudo clinched his jaw before saying, "You look tired, Yoichi."
Hearing Kudo’s voice directed at him after so long almost felt cathartic. Yoichi let himself slump to the side against the wall, "I am tired."
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
Yes. I want you to pin me down and breathe life into me. Put me back together and hold me close so I don’t fall apart again.
Yoichi shook his head. Kudo studied him for a moment before leaning against the wall too, eyes never falling from his. It took a few minutes for Yoichi to process this, "Kudo, you don’t have to do this."
"I know." But he made no effort to move.
Yoichi hummed in response, too tired to pry further. His eyes flickered down to Kudo’s hands. They were in his lap; big and scarred. He remembered when he first saw them, coming towards him not to hurt him, but to save him. That was the beginning of the end in Yoichi’s eyes.
His eyes flickered up to study Kudo’s features. Kudo was as beautiful as ever, his muscular, but slim body still evident under his loose, casual wear. The new wounds that littered his broad shoulders and toned arms were healing up nicely. He wanted to reach out and touch them. And his eyes that never left him had their usual fire, but behind his expression there was something somber seeping through. Pity? Was he worried about him?
Warm fingertips brush against his hands, making him gasp. Yoichi closed his eyes and let out a long breath, his body instantly relaxing into the touch. Kudo’s fingers were gentle when they skimmed the back of his hands, his palms. They wrapped around his so gingerly his body tingled.
"Yoichi." His breathing hitched. The way Kudo said his name was so soft, so quiet. It was completely different than how he talked to Bruce, his subordinates, strangers on the street. He loved it when he talked to him that way. When Yoichi opened his eyes, Kudo looked like he was about to say something and Yoichi found himself perking up in anticipation, but Kudo hesitated before closing his mouth. Yoichi’s shoulders deflated, temporarily content with just this.
"I miss you." Yoichi’s eyes shot back to him, wide eyed. Out of all the things he expected Kudo to say, he was not expecting that. Kudo always kept himself at arm’s length.
"Why would you say that to me?" Yoichi whispered, still not quite believing what he heard. His heart fluttered in his chest.
"You look like you’re about to disappear, Yoichi."
Let me disappear then.
Yoichi opened his mouth, but no words came out. He should protest, should drive Kudo away, but his body wasn’t listening. The way he was talking, the way he was caressing his hands, he felt so safe. Kudo always made him feel safe. "I miss you too." He muttered, thick with desperation.
"But why? What’s going on?"
Why? Because I want you too much. I want you and I don’t deserve you.
Yoichi closed his eyes and exhaled weakly. No answer that ran through his head seemed right to say out loud.
"Yoichi." Kudo said again, tone firmer than before. It made him shiver. Yoichi’s eyebrows furrowed as he opened his eyes again. Yoichi could never refuse him. "Can I kiss you?"
Yoichi let out a pathetic, choked whine, unconsciously squeezing Kudo’s hands. Please. He wanted to kiss him so bad, to hold him. To be held. Kudo was right here, but he couldn’t let himself have him.
When there was no answer Kudo leaned forward, eyes narrowing, "Yoichi, do you want to kiss me? If you don’t want to, just tell me and it won’t happen again."
That was a horrible way to ask. Of course he wanted to, but he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. That was the difference. But here it is. His way out. All he had to do was refuse him and it would be the end.
This was it.
"Yoichi." Kudo said lowly, "Do you want me to stop?" Kudo’s eyes bore holes into him and he wanted desperately to hide. Kudo could see right through him. Yoichi knew it. They’ve barely known each other, but even in this short time, Kudo knew everything about him. He must know that he wants him. He was an open book; pages easily flippable, his longing and desperation all but seeped through the pages. He could never escape.
"No." Yoichi eventually choked out, defeated. Kudo naturally pulled him into his orbit, chaining him to his existence. He could never escape. And he didn’t want to.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked again, a small smile now spread across his lips.
Yoichi felt his eyes start to water, his resolve all but shattered as he nodded, "Yes." Immediately after, soft lips were on his. Yoichi squeezed Kudo’s hands, his own lips shaky as he moved them along with Kudo’s steady ones. It was embarrassing, but Kudo didn’t seem to mind.
Soon Kudo kissed him harder, deeper and Yoichi parted his lips eagerly, taking everything Kudo was willing to give him. Yoichi let him take control. He wanted him to. He let his body fall backwards from the pressure of it all and Kudo effortlessly followed, mouth never leaving his. Kudo’s weight on him was perfect. Yoichi wanted to drown in him. He wanted Kudo to break him apart and put him back together. Focus on me. Only on me. I want you. I want you to be all mine. He whimpered as those thoughts flooded his mind.
When Kudo pulled away Yoichi stared at him for a long time. He missed Kudo so much. He reached up, his fingers brushing against his cheeks, his jaw, his lips before letting his hands fall to his chest, "We can’t do this." He finally says.
"Why?"
Yoichi looked away, "Because… I want to stop."
Kudo huffed a laugh before looking him up and down, "Do you even know what sort of face you’re making right now?"
Yoichi looked at him again, face flushed. He felt tears sting the corners of his eyes again before taking a deep breath, "Kudo," He rasped, "when I’m with you, I think things. Selfish things. Things that I shouldn’t. I don’t— I don’t want to think like that anymore. No decent person should think that way about someone else. It’s not— it’s not right."
Kudo narrowed his eyes, "Like what?"
"I can’t… tell you…" The tears in his eyes spilled over, dampening the sheets under him, "My brother and I, we’re— we’re more alike than I thought. My brother is selfish, and so am I. And you hate him." His body began to shake, clutching the sheets under him, "I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to become like my brother, like— a monster."
Kudo looked at him quizzically then, eyes roaming his face like it held an answer, "Yoichi, what could you possibly be thinking that makes you think you’re like him?" He asked softly.
A feeble whine escaped Yoichi’s lips. He didn’t answer that. He couldn’t. He was falling apart just from what he was telling him now. Kudo was kind. He didn’t want to lose him.
Yoichi jolted when he felt gentle hands run down his arms. They grasped his hands before guiding them carefully above his head, pinning them there. Kudo intertwined their fingers and leaned closer to him, "Hey, what if I said I’m selfish too… what would you think? Do you think differently of me now?"
"You? But you’re not—"
"I am." The intense stare Kudo gave him sent a chill down his spine, "I’m selfish just like any other person. I have things I want to keep to myself, people I don’t want to share. So am I a monster too?"
Yoichi stared at him wide eyed. He couldn’t breathe. Kudo was too close. Confusing him with his words. Kudo? Selfish? A monster? He’s only ever helped people. He’s only ever helped him. "No," he whispered, "I could never think that."
"Then it’s okay." Kudo said softly, letting one of his hands slide down his arm, "You’re not like your brother." Kudo wrapped this arm around Yoichi gently, holding him close, "You’re kind, curious, cute. You’re helpful, considerate of everyone around you. You don’t have one mean bone in your body."
"Kudo—"
"It’s okay to be selfish sometimes." He whispered. "When it’s something you really want, it’s okay."
Yoichi stiffened. His mind was going a mile a minute. Everything he felt, everything he’s ever thought of Kudo, it all replayed in his head, elating… scary. He put his free hand on Kudo’s shoulder as if to push him away, but instead he gripped it tightly, "I— I might burden you." He eventually says.
"You won’t burden me."
"I don’t want you to hate me."
"I could never hate you."
"Kudo." The tears seemed like they'd never stop, but the mixture of relief and fear he felt was overwhelming. He had to be absolutely sure. Before he let himself give in, he had to be sure. "Kudo, do you understand?" He was trembling, his voice small and shaky. Kudo sat up on his elbows and peered down at him, waiting for his next words. "Is it okay to love you?" He whispered.
Kudo took a deep breath, eyes seeming to scan every inch of his face before he gently brushed his bangs away and wiped the tears from his eyes, his cheeks, before planting his hands on them, keeping them there, "Yes."
Yoichi felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Kudo accepted him. If Kudo says it’s okay then it had to be. Because to Yoichi, Kudo’s words were absolute.
Their parted lips met, tongues immediately meeting and tangling in each other’s heat.
Yoichi let his hands rest on Kudo’s neck, slide along his jaw before finally nestling in short spikes. He opened his mouth wider, kissing him deeper. This was the first time they kissed like this, like they were starving, but it was perfect. Just the right intensity for how he was feeling at that moment and he wanted Kudo to feel it too.
I love Kudo.
I love him I love him I love him. He said with each kiss. He wants Kudo to take his breath away, he does take his breath away. He never wants to breathe oxygen again. Not when Kudo was breathing life into him like this.
Kudo’s hands found his waist and slipped under his shirt. Yoichi grabbed onto those hands and held them as they went up to his chest. Kudo kissed along his neck, his jaw until he found a place he liked and stayed, kissing and sucking. Yoichi shuttered as thumbs brushed and rubbed against his nipples, while teeth latched onto the skin under his jaw and bit down.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Yoichi grit his teeth, shuttering helplessly. Kudo had never done this before. It hurt being marked up, but in all the best ways. He found himself grinding against Kudo, their clothed erections brushing against each other. This only made Kudo bite down harder, licking and sucking in turns until the underside of his jaw was purple and red.
"Kudo, Kudo—" he whined, vision blurry from tears as the groping of his chest increased in urgency. It was too much, but not enough at the same time. He needed Kudo in every way possible.
Finally, with one final lick against the new bruises, Kudo pulled away, hands roaming down to his waist once again before he sat up to peer down at the man beneath him. Yoichi was a withering mess, could barely register Kudo through the haziness of his eyes, but he did see the smirk that crept onto his lips.
Kudo leaned back down and kissed under his ear, "You want me, Yoichi." He whispered, running a hand up Yoichi’s inner thigh. He didn’t say it like a question at all, he just knew.
Yoichi leaned into the touches, wanting more, needing more. Kudo’s hands felt so good. Kudo’s words felt good. He felt like he could give into him, to be honest and everything would be okay. Because it was Kudo.
"Yes."
Everything was going a mile a minute after that. The next thing he knew his pants were down and Kudo’s mouth merely inches away from his aching cock. Kudo gave it one long lick before Yoichi nearly lost his breath when Kudo kissed the head of it. Yoichi whimpered when Kudo’s mouth wrapped around the tip, licking and sucking it teasingly. Shaking hands found Kudo’s hair and buried themselves there.
When Kudo sunk down lower, his hips instantly bucked into the heat. Kudo’s mouth was warm and wet, tongue going up and down the underside of him with ease. Yoichi tilted his head back, giving into the pleasure of the smooth rhythm of Kudo swallowing him down.
But a hand on one of his jolted him back to attention. He peered down to see Kudo staring up at him with intense eyes, cock still in his mouth. Kudo pulled off, licking the head of it, instantly making Yoichi shiver. "Watch me, Yoichi." He rasped. He swallowed him again and oh god, the way Kudo took him, the way his cock disappeared into his mouth was mesmerizing. It was hard to focus when climax was slowly creeping up on him, but he wouldn’t dare disobey Kudo. So his eyes stayed fixed on him, panting as Kudo bobbed his head up and down, swallowing his cock skillfully like he’d been doing it forever. Kudo pushed Yoichi’s thighs down further, and he felt the head of his cock go down Kudo’s throat, making him see stars. Yoichi came with a strangled moan and Kudo’s throat twitched as he swallowed it all down, only pulling away when Yoichi was trembling and boneless beneath him.
Yoichi’s heart sank. He didn’t want this to end, not yet. He was utterly ruined because of this man and he just knew he’d never love another person as much as this for the rest of his life. Yoichi was aching for more, to drive Kudo crazy just like Kudo did to him. Just the thought of what he was about to do made him tremble, but he grit his teeth and sat up slowly, placing his hand on Kudo’s chest. He pushed against him gently, eyes focused on him all the while and Kudo seemed to understand. Kudo sat back and Yoichi straddled him. The position was new for Yoichi as he was always happily falling apart under him and his nerves seemed to sky rocket at the realization, so he kissed him to distract himself while pulling at the waistband of Kudo’s sweats, vaguely aware of the faint taste of himself in Kudo’s mouth. Eventually Kudo’s cock was in his hand, hard and leaking. He had no idea what he was doing, but he tried to remember in his fuzzy brain the movements of Kudo’s mouth on him and did his best to replicate them. He stroked him slowly, feeling his dick pulse in his hand with each slow tug.
Kudo moaned into his mouth, making Yoichi gasp. He was making Kudo feel good. He was doing that. It made Yoichi feel ten feet tall watching Kudo as his face contorted in pleasure at his touch. Their kisses seemed to get sloppier as time went on, bordering on just lapping into each other’s mouths, but it felt good. Felt right.
Look only at me. Love only me. Just me. Just me. Yoichi couldn’t fully admit how desperate he was, how much he wanted him, needed him. So he licked into him deeper, stroked him faster, hoping Kudo would understand. He whined against Kudo’s lips when his vision became spotty, oxygen all but gone from his lungs. Dizzy, he slowed down until he stopped completely, gripping the head of Kudo’s cock before he had a chance to cum. Kudo’s eyes shot open, "Yoi—"
"I want you inside me." He said breathlessly, rolling his hips, his now half hard cock brushing against Kudo’s. His cheeks turned a deep shade of red; this was so unlike him, but Kudo did strange things to him he could never begin to decipher. Yoichi stroked him one more time, thumb rubbing against the tip, "I don’t want it to end like this," He panted, breath hot against Kudo’s skin, "so please…"
Kudo’s eyes widened and it looked like a fire ignited in them. Kudo reached up and cupped the back of Yoichi’s neck and somehow pulled him even closer than they already were. "You’re so cute when you’re honest." He smirked, his other hand now grasping Yoichi’s hand that was still around his cock. "Tell me exactly what you want, Yoichi. Don’t be afraid."
Yoichi moaned shamelessly when Kudo guided his hand to take his own cock into his grip also. Kudo’s hand coaxed his up and down, stroking them both. His eyes fluttered shut, arching into it.
It was hard to think when Kudo talked to him so low and heavy, when their bodies were this plush together, and when his whole body felt the best it’s ever felt. It was hard deciding on if he should reveal himself fully or keep the parts of himself he still found shameful despite Kudo’s acceptance locked away.
Make me the center of your world. Love only me. Be mine. Would Kudo hate him for having such thoughts? But when he felt a short, gentle kiss against his lips, a far cry from the intense touches he had been experiencing, it made his eyes blink open and the beautiful red eyes that stared back at him convinced him not to be afraid. He wanted to be selfish just this one time, "I want you." He said, shakily. "I want you to touch me a— and kiss me, but more than that I— hah," He moaned, trying desperately to stay coherent when he felt the heads of their cocks rub together, "More than that, ah, I want you to want me. I know I’m being selfish, but I’ll always be yours so please— be mine too." He begged.
Time seemed to stand still. He didn’t even notice their hands were still between them, unmoving. Yoichi couldn’t decipher the expression on Kudo’s face and he started to think he made the biggest mistake of his life. But just before his thoughts started to spiral, Kudo brought him into a hug. His eyes widened, but relief engulfed him and he relaxed into him almost immediately.
"Hey," Kudo shifted slightly in the embrace, his hand smoothing the back of Yoichi’s hair, "can I be selfish too?"
Yoichi could feel Kudo’s breath against his neck, his heart beat. It was beating fast and he hoped Kudo could feel how fast his was beating too. "If I can, then of course you can."
"Then… I want you too."
Yoichi felt like his heart was going to burst. He buried his face in Kudo’s shoulder, unable to contain the smile that appeared on his face, "…Yeah?"
"Yeah." He heard the smile in Kudo’s voice too. "You drive me crazy, Yoichi." He admitted, his hand that was covering Yoichi’s carefully guiding it to start stroking them again.
Yoichi hummed dreamily, stopping his hand to knead his thumb against the underside of him. Yoichi turned his head and whispered in his ear, "You drive me crazy too." Kudo leaned back then, watching Yoichi as he teasingly played with the head of his cock. "I want to feel you, please, I need you."
Before he knew it, Kudo was three fingers deep inside him as he withered and cried beneath him. Yoichi arched his back, his impatience evident as he bucked into Kudo’s fingers, trying to chase the heat slowly building in his gut. It’s not enough.
But in the following moments Kudo was sliding in, cock stretching him open with a slow burn that made him choke.
Yoichi groaned, grasping the sheets as he gasped for air. And Yoichi was squeezing around him so tightly, almost painfully that it made Kudo pause, cursing under his breath. Kudo ran a hand through Yoichi’s messy hair before settling on his elbows and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Yoichi’s cheek, "Hey, hey. It’s okay it’s okay I got you." He kissed the underside of his jaw where he created bruises earlier, mouthing and licking and savoring the taste of him as Yoichi struggled through the first moments of being filled.
Kudo was patient, waiting for Yoichi’s breathing to shallow, waiting for him to loosen just enough before cradling the back of Yoichi’s head and bracing his free hand on the futon, pushing further into him until he bottomed out, their bodies perfectly flushed together. At last they were joined.
Yoichi’s body felt like it was on fire as he felt the first shallow thrusts of Kudo’s hips. He moaned, digging his nails into Kudo’s back as he was fucked into. The slow, steady drag of Kudo’s cock inside him, the feeling of being spread open was overwhelming in the best way possible. Yoichi barely registered Kudo complimenting him, panting his name over and over, the heat in his belly slowly creeping up on him and dulling every other sense. Kudo shifted his angle just slightly, his cock now hitting against the spot inside Yoichi that made him wreath and cry out. The heat and pleasure didn’t take long to build up after that, Yoichi desperately chased it, wrapping his legs around Kudo’s waist and pulling him close, doing his best to thrust up to match him, and it finally came when Kudo put his lips back on his, the kisses almost in time with the steady thrusts Kudo was giving him. He came hotly between them, cock untouched with Kudo’s tongue down his throat, messy and passionate and perfect.
Kudo almost lost it right then and there when Yoichi was in the throes of his orgasm, tightening dangerously around him, but he persisted. Yoichi threw his head back and groaned, still being driven into, steady and deep. He ran his hands through his soft hair before gripping it tightly, fighting through the overstimulation. Yoichi pulled his face closer to his and showered him with moans and gasps and I love you’s and feels so good’s. Kudo’s thrusts slow, but remain deep and soon he’s coming, both of their bodies trembling as Yoichi was filled.
Kudo’s keeps his grip on the back of Yoichi’s head, it and the sheets a steady anchor as he ground deeply into him, pushing his cum further inside. Yoichi chanted his name lazily in response, holding on to him like he’d die if he let go.
Their bodies lie boneless against each other afterwards as they settled into a moment of peace, waiting for their hearts to slow. Yoichi’s legs stay wrapped around Kudo’s waist, refusing to let their bodies separate just yet. They pant into each other’s mouths, eyes closed, letting themselves enjoy the press of their lips against each other every now and then. Yoichi’s fingertips brush against Kudo’s cheeks as he whispered I love you, I love you, thank you, I love you over and over again against his parted lips.
"Yoichi." Kudo eventually says, shifting slightly in his grasp.
Yoichi opened his eyes then, only to see Kudo staring back at him, only him, exactly how he always wanted it to be, "I’m sorry. Now that I’ve finally said it out loud I can’t stop."
Kudo shook his head, "It’s not that." He replied quietly. He doesn’t follow up right away. He stared into Yoichi’s eyes, visibly thinking of a reply, "Ask me again." He finally said.
"What do you…?"
Kudo wrapped his arms around Yoichi and held him close, face nuzzled in Yoichi’s neck, "Ask me again, Yoichi."
It took a moment, but eventually Yoichi understood. He hesitated, hands shaking against Kudo’s broad shoulders before saying, "Will you please… be mine?"
"Yes." Kudo held him tighter, "I am yours, Yoichi."
Yoichi never loved until he met Kudo and he would never love anyone else ever. He knew this when he felt the steady rise and fall of Kudo’s chest, the soft lips pressed against his neck, the gentle words he spoke to him. He closed his eyes and let himself fade into the deep trench that was Kudo. He let himself give into this first love. Even if it was selfish, he would hold onto it for as long as he was alive.