Chapter Text
Radio stations played the same songs throughout the week. It was something that Jennie only discovered after meeting Lisa. Having relied on CDs and streaming apps for as long as she could remember, Jennie had never really experienced being stuck with a limited selection of songs that she had no control over.
The fast food place has a small, black radio hidden behind the counter. Jennie had initially assumed that Lisa played a rather questionable work playlist from her phone, until Lisa had proudly revealed the tiny device the moment Jennie questioned it.
Lisa turned on that radio as soon as her shift started, and switched it off before she left. The station never changed, and the volume was kept comfortably low. No matter how the day went, that was something that remained fairly consistent.
As Jennie lay on her sofa with a pillow over her face, she listened to the grainy sounds coming from that same little device, low static in the background adding to its nostalgic charm.
Knowing that Lisa wouldn’t be there, Jennie had dropped by the fast food place one evening. She had a polite conversation with Ryujin, who gladly handed over the old piece of equipment without any need for persuasion.
Jennie wouldn’t call it stealing. She was merely keeping it safe. Or to be more precise, she was holding that radio hostage for her own benefit. Lisa would have to get it back at some point.
But somewhere along the way in her act of madness, Jennie found herself turning on the device and listening to it herself. “We can miss her together,” she had whispered with a sigh, patting the top of the radio as she walked past it.
There was something incredibly comforting about radio stations sounding exactly the same at any time and place. Wherever Lisa was, she might have been listening to the same songs, complaining about the same crackly static.
“You could at least try to look alive.”
Jennie didn’t lift the pillow from her face. When she heard the front door opening, her heart picked up momentarily with hope, but as soon as she heard footsteps that didn’t match Lisa’s, her world shut down again.
“I’m alive and breathing,” Jennie mumbled in response.
“Chaeyoung sent you a present.”
“Are you going to say the present is you?”
The pillow was forcefully removed and thrown at the other end of the sofa. Jennie glared at an unimpressed Jisoo, but accepted the paper bag that was placed on top of her stomach.
“Chaeyoung sent me six doughnuts?”
“Five.”
“It’s a box of six.”
“I ate one. Delivery fee.”
Jennie hummed noncommittally as she took out the box, leaving the paper bag on the floor. When she opened it, she shot an accusing glare at Jisoo.
“You ate the J?”
Being the ray of sunshine that she was, Chaeyoung had written a letter with chocolate icing on top of each doughnut, spelling out her name. Except, all that was left was ENNIE.
“Of course I ate the J.”
“You could have eaten the I.”
“And you could eat any of the five remaining letters of your name,” Jisoo rolled her eyes.
Grabbing a doughnut marked with a very neat E, Jennie took a generous bite, her spirits lifting with the sweet taste spreading in her mouth.
“The J would have been my first choice,” she made sure to comment.
“Sorry. I’ll ask her to spell out LALISA next time so you won’t get picky.”
Jennie’s glare returned.
“You know I’m just teasing,” Jisoo said as she sat down on the coffee table, her tone softening along with her eyes. “And I’m saying this with all due respect, but you look miserable. Chaeyoung is worried.”
“Chaeyoung is always worried.”
“Very true. But it’s extra serious when she sends her hot doctor girlfriend to see you.”
“She thinks I’m sick?” Jennie questioned with concern.
“Hmm. Kind of,” Jisoo replied seriously, crossing her legs and resting her hands on top of her knee. “The sickness of deep yearning.”
Jennie wished she had the pillow in her hands. Her aim would’ve been impeccable.
“Am I not allowed to miss her? Should I go and get drunk at her door instead?” she said with sarcasm.
“Nice reference,” Jisoo commented unbothered, “but the diagnosis remains. Of course you’re allowed to miss Lisa, but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying other parts of your life. Have you done anything exciting lately, besides going to work and coming back home to be all sad and moody?”
“That is not the description of my life right now,” Jennie rebutted with a pout, fully aware that it was exactly how her life was at the moment.
“And how would you describe it then?”
“I’m just… thinking a lot.”
“About Lisa.”
Jennie sighed. “Yeah. Always. Sometimes I wonder if I even did the right thing. I knew it would hurt to be away from her but just… not this much.”
“Well, pain is proportionate to the strength of your feelings,” Jisoo shrugged. “The more you feel, the more it hurts.”
Jennie let out a quiet laugh. By that logic, her feelings for Taeyang must have been below ground level.
“Was that part of your studies?”
Jisoo propped her elbow on her knee, chin resting on her palm as she smiled. “No. It’s from experience.”
“Chaeyoung?”
Jisoo nodded, shifting her gaze to the box of doughnuts. “I was completely lost without her.”
“I remember,” Jennie said thoughtfully. “Jisoo… you and Rosie are doing well, no?”
“I sure hope so.”
“But you went through a pretty rough patch. How… how did you know you could make it? That being together was the best for both of you?”
Jisoo paused briefly, sensing the unspoken reasoning behind Jennie's question.
“You tell me. Why didn't you try to convince Chaeyoung to move on from me?”
“I'd never force her to make that decision unless she wanted it.”
“Exactly. She wanted to be with me, and I wanted to be with her. It was as simple as that.”
“But—”
“I know what's on your mind, Jennie. And it's true, sometimes that's not enough. But right now, it's not up to you to fix that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You're not responsible for the issues Lisa has. Those existed before you were in the picture, and they won't disappear just because you are there now.”
“I know, I know I can’t magically make everything right, but…I just want to help. In any way.”
“It’s normal for you to care. But some things need to be worked through individually,” Jisoo explained calmly. “Think about it. Have you ever expected Chaeyoung to resolve the issues I had before we broke up?”
Jennie pressed her lips together.
“That’s what I thought,” Jisoo smirked. “I had to sort out my own shit.”
“And you didn’t need Chaeyoung to do anything at all?”
“Chaeyoung stayed. Even though she had the option to leave, she chose to stay. That was everything I needed from her.”
“So, should I just sit still and not do anything? Is that what you’re saying?”
“What I’m saying is that you need to stop thinking that there’s something for you to fix. Lisa isn’t broken, there are no pieces for you to put together. She’s simply… stuck in a place she never had to leave. But while she’s figuring this out, don’t take away the reason she’s choosing to find a way forward.”
“That being?”
“That you’ll be there to see it happen.”
----
Chaeyoung once told her that the best motto to keep positive in life was that everything will be okay in the end. And if things weren’t going well right now, it was because she had not reached the end yet. Jennie used to think it was a bit silly at first, but it turned out to be the one thought that helped her see the rainbow at the end of the storm.
While her expectations weren’t entirely optimistic, Jennie felt confident that Lisa wouldn’t disappear without settling their relationship first. Whether she wanted to continue being together, stay friends, or decided it was best to go their separate ways, the outcome was still up in the air until they met again. It was pointless to assume everything was over simply because they had not been in contact for weeks.
It wasn’t over. Not yet.
Talking to Jisoo had eased some of her guilt for being unable to do anything. Jisoo’s view on the situation had been pretty clear. Jennie had finally allowed herself to take a step back and simply… wait.
In a way, she was leaving everything in Lisa’s hands. Their future, their relationship, Jennie’s heart—Lisa held the power over each of those.
Waiting was a painfully slow game. Jennie felt like the more time she had on her hands, the more she could spend on analysing every word of their last interaction. But then she’d think about Taeyang, and how everything only started to make sense after they spoke. She shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. Therefore, until Lisa showed any signs of returning, Jennie would continue to wait and do her best to stay afloat.
Somehow, her greatest comfort didn’t come in human form.
Chaeyoung’s way of showing support was sending her best friend endless pastries and baked goods. Jennie appreciated that very much, although the amount of sugar was not exactly beneficial to her diet. Having plenty of left-over cupcakes and cookies, Jennie had wanted to share some with her neighbours, realising that she’d never be able to finish everything on her own. It was supposed to be a short drop-off. She was only meant to knock, offer the sweet treats to whoever opened, and leave.
But when a dishevelled Sana opened the door with her foot, all kinds of clothes folded over her arms, and a phone pressed between her ear and shoulder, Jennie could only stare baffled.
“I can come back later—”
“No!” Sana yelled and held her hand up, the movement making her phone slip off her shoulder and loudly drop on the floor. “Shit.”
Jennie didn’t move a muscle as Sana bent down to pick up the device once again, quickly telling the person on the other end of the line that she was ‘sorting it out’ before hanging up.
The long sigh Sana let out was a clear indication that she had a lot on her plate. Jennie felt bad immediately for showing up at an inconvenient time, the box in her hands feeling heavier.
Like always, Sana recovered her friendly smile and went off to over-explain her situation.
Apparently, Sana had been booked last-minute for a modelling session in Tokyo, leaving her with the task of finding a dog sitter at immediate availability.
The more she spoke, the more stressed she sounded, and Jennie couldn’t think of anything other than mentioning that she was more than happy to help out if she couldn’t find anyone. After all, having dogs around wasn’t new to her.
Sana’s eyes had lit up instantly at the suggestion.
And that was how Jennie got rid of a dozen cupcakes and cookies and instead gained a pair of dogs for the day.
Thankfully, Sana and Tzuyu’s dogs were two little angels. Kaya was terrified of Jennie at first, hiding under tables and running away whenever she approached. But after a couple of hours (and some treats), she was stuck to her side every time Jennie sat down.
Butter had the type of energy that Jennie could only dream of having. She loved to go on walks and run around, and when they were home, she was obsessed with her favourite toys. But neither dog felt like hard work. No, if anything, Jennie’s mood was affected in the best way possible.
Having pets around reminded Jennie of her own family dog growing up. He had sadly passed away shortly after Jennie moved out, but having him around had been the most comforting distraction while she dealt with the mess at home. She just had to grab his lead and leave the house whenever she felt like being around her parents was suffocating.
Distraction—that’s what it was. Jennie’s mind had been occupied the entire day, suppressing what would normally take over. Perhaps that was why Jisoo had questioned if there was anything else taking up her time, knowing it would be the only way she’d let go of her worries.
On a usual evening, Jennie would find herself casually opening the gallery app on her phone, ending up scrolling through the pictures of her and Lisa right before they had that confrontation. The more she looked, the more obvious Lisa’s tiredness became in the photos, and the guilt for being the cause of it sat heavily on her shoulders.
And yet, the hours she spent around the dogs flew by. Jennie felt relaxed for the first time in days, not having that cloud of negativity hovering on her mind.
It was a temporary fix. Jennie knew that very well. However, as long as it worked, even if only for a little while, Jennie would make the most of it.
When Tzuyu showed up at her door in the evening to pick up the dogs, she seemed very apologetic about the last-minute request Sana had made, going as far as offering to pay extra for her time. Jennie had found the offer easy to decline. After all, she had already received the perfect payment in the form of dog therapy.
Jennie gladly spent the next day with the dogs as well, this time not having to work too hard to get in their good graces. She made sure to send Tzuyu update pictures throughout the day, and when the girl came by during the evening, Jennie dragged her inside the apartment to join her for dinner.
It wasn’t as awkward as Jennie had feared.
Tzuyu was exactly as Sana described her: very sweet, a little timid, but without a single bad bone in her body. Even if it was the first time they got to properly speak, Jennie felt the conversation flowing quite easily.
They started by talking about Kaya and Butter’s opposite personalities, moving on to Tzuyu’s job at the veterinary clinic and her few months spent in the fashion world. Eventually, Tzuyu divulged some details about her relationship with Sana.
The more they spoke, the more Jennie doubted whether Tzuyu was aware of her history with Sana. Jennie recognised the glint in Tzuyu’s eyes whenever Sana was mentioned, a contrast to her usual composed demeanor. It was likely the same feeling Jennie experienced whenever she spoke about Lisa.
Would Tzuyu be so at ease if she knew?
Remembering the way Lisa reacted when she first found out about Sana, Jennie felt the least she could do was give Tzuyu the reassurance that there was nothing between them.
Tzuyu’s innocent nature made it impossible to let the doubt linger.
And so, Jennie told her.
She could feel a wave of unsettling nerves building up as she said the words aloud, carefully watching Tzuyu’s reaction and preparing for any sign of jealousy.
“It’s okay. I already knew.”
Jennie couldn’t stop the long sigh of relief that followed. Tzuyu smiled gently, seemingly amused.
“Sorry, I just—my girlfriend…” Jennie paused, not having referred to Lisa as such for a while, “well, she kinda freaked out when she met Sana.”
Apparently, Tzuyu wasn’t concerned in the least. It was refreshing to see, if Jennie was being honest. It was an obvious sign of a healthy relationship. And if Sana’s past was anything to go by, it was a little unexpected.
It was only when she was asked about her girlfriend’s whereabouts that Jennie realised how much she had been dreading talking about it. How was she supposed to explain their situation without making it seem like they were already over?
It was the same story over and over: they were together for a month, found a significant issue between them, and decided to take a break until it was… resolved. If it had been any other relationship, Jennie would have easily assumed there was no turning back.
“So, are you just waiting now?” Tzuyu asked tentatively.
Jennie wanted to laugh at how pitiful she must have sounded. “Yeah. A bit pathetic, I know.”
“I don’t think so,” Tzuyu shook her head. “Time is a very powerful thing. If you give it to someone that needs it, you might get an even better result than what you originally hoped for.”
“I don’t even know what I’m hoping for anymore.”
“Well, what’s your ideal outcome?”
“For her to be happy. I know her job doesn’t do that. And now I’m not sure I do it either.”
“Why don’t you think being with you is what she wants?”
“Because being with me is what made her miserable. She never had those concerns when we were just friends.”
“And will you be okay with being just friends?”
Jennie’s instinct was to say yes. Up until that point, she had always been open to the possibility of keeping their friendship if a relationship wasn’t on the cards. The option didn’t erase Lisa from her life, and somehow, that felt like it’d be enough.
Tzuyu didn’t seem convinced when she heard the answer, though. Not like Chaeyoung, who liked to accept any positive outcome as a reasonable choice. Tzuyu stared at her with a subtle raised eyebrow, continuing to chew her food as Jennie averted her gaze. After the delicate clink of a fork on a plate, Jennie heard her speak.
“And say, if Lisa started seeing someone else while you were friends…” Tzuyu said slowly, watching Jennie’s reaction, “would you still be okay with that?”
The look of dread that crossed Jennie’s face was impossible to hide. Just the thought of having to stand by and watch Lisa date someone else, someone that wasn’t her, made her blood run cold. Until that moment, she had only thought about going back to how they were. She hadn’t accounted for the fact that eventually, they’d both have to move on while still being in each other’s lives if that were the case.
“I’m not saying this to scare you, Jennie,” Tzuyu then added. She smiled fondly. “Sana was just like you.”
“What?”
“When she didn’t want to be in a relationship, she asked to just be friends,” Tzuyu explained. “And then she’d get jealous every time someone tried to get to know me. It’s ironic, isn’t it? You’d think that staying friends would be slightly better than being strangers.”
“But it ends up being torture,” Jennie sighed. “Guess there’s nothing I can do to keep her close.”
“You shouldn’t have to do anything. If she wanted to break up with you, she would have done so when you spoke to her.”
Jennie started playing with her fingers nervously. Everyone seemed to have the same opinion, but no one was considering the other possibility.
“What if being away from me is what makes her want to leave?”
“Is that what is happening to you? Does Lisa being away make you want her any less?”
“No,” Jennie quickly shook her head, “I still feel the same way about her.”
“Then maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt and trust that she does too.”
----
Since settling into her new apartment, Jennie hadn’t had a complaint. Her building was very peaceful, without major drama to keep an ear out for. There was never anything out of the ordinary to interrupt her days.
With that thought in mind, Jennie couldn’t help but jolt up from her sofa when a blaring alarm resonated through her apartment. While her first instinct had been to leave, she spent a few seconds looking around her apartment confused, not being able to detect the cause of the sudden alarm. Grabbing the nearest hoodie to cover herself, she collected her keys and phone to make her way outside. While passing by the kitchen, she once again took a look around the room, seeing that the stove was turned off like usual. Either way, she closed the fire-resistant door… just in case.
Upon opening her front door, Jennie was startled to hear the sound of the alarms almost doubling. She spotted both of her neighbours already in the corridor.
“Yours too?” Sana asked while gesturing above, her words barely audible with the loud beeps and her dogs barking in distress.
“Yeah,” Jennie replied as she exited her apartment, “hope it’s not serious.”
Tzuyu shut the door next to her and bent down to carry Kaya in her arms. Jennie offered a sympathetic smile, knowing that the dogs were probably suffering from the loud noise. The lift was understandably out of service, and so Jennie could only follow her neighbours down the fire exit stairs.
The lower they went, the more residents joined them on the descent. Each floor had the same alarms going off, but luckily there didn’t seem to be a clear state of panic.
Everyone calmly went down the stairs, some faster than others. Jennie definitely wasn’t going to run down twenty-four flights of stairs unless the whole building was burning down.
The fire exit led to the back of the building. The double doors allowed people to leave easily without anyone having to push. The concierge and doorman who Jennie saw on shift earlier that day were guiding people to stand further back, speaking louder than she had ever heard them before. They seemed to be comfortable with the safety procedures, although Jennie hoped it wasn’t from continuous experience. The only words she managed to acknowledge were “do not panic,” and “everything will be sorted soon.”
In the several minutes she spent standing outside in her cotton shorts and Lisa’s hoodie, Jennie didn’t really gather what had actually happened. She heard some voices around saying it had to do with the electrical system, but no one was sure of anything. Jennie was just glad she wasn’t seeing smoke and flames.
Her neighbours discussed the possibility of a gas leak, reminding Jennie of the time Lisa was able to detect one in her own apartment late at night. The firefighters had praised Lisa for spotting it right away, while Jennie had simply stood to the side, playing with the neighbourhood cat. Once they had returned to the comfort of Lisa’s bed, Jennie had casually admitted that she would have probably ignored the weird smell, gone to bed, and died in her sleep if that had happened to her. Understandably, Lisa showed up to test every carbon monoxide detector in Jennie’s home the day after she made that comment.
Needless to say, Jennie wasn’t exactly an expert when it came to identifying building safety risks.
Sana and Tzuyu left after a while as the dogs were getting restless in the crowded area. Jennie watched most of the other residents also walk away as time went by. She couldn’t blame them. It was only a matter of time before the dark grey clouds covering the sky started testing people’s patience.
As she pulled the oversized hoodie tighter around her body, Jennie realised that it must have looked a bit silly on her. But Lisa’s huge hoodies were the most comfortable thing in the world, so Jennie didn’t mind being engulfed by them as long as they did the job.
For a moment, Jennie wondered if Lisa would ask for everything back. If she would show up at Jennie’s door and demand the return of her stolen hoodies. If she’d wander through Jennie’s apartment for one last time, collecting the belongings she left behind, quitely erasing all the traces she spent the past few months scattering over Jennie’s life.
Maybe, at some point, she’d even take back her love letter and rip it to shreds—just like she might do to Jennie’s heart.
What used to be dry cement began to be covered in small wet dots. It was slow at first, sparse, almost imperceptible. Yet it only took a few seconds for the rain to become relentless and incessant.
“Great,” Jennie muttered to herself, pulling the hood over her head.
The bad weather forced most of the remaining residents to leave and find shelter, but Jennie was too stubborn. She wanted to be back home as soon as they cleared the way, and she’d take a few drops of rain over going around alone in her pyjamas.
Jennie’s decision was proving to be more exhausting than what she had predicted. She couldn’t even pull out her phone without the screen turning slippery really fast. The rain started to grow heavier, water seeping through the fabric of her hood and dampening her hair. Jennie sighed at the thought of having to shower again. With the low temperature, she’d be lucky not to wake up with a cold the next morning.
Too distracted by her miserable situation, she almost didn’t notice when the raindrops started to make a different sound. As if they were hitting a flat surface instead of being absorbed by soaked fabric.
Jennie pulled back her hood to look up, startled by the dark umbrella appearing above. Turning around abruptly, she nearly tripped at the unexpected sight.
It felt like a mirage. Or perhaps, a hallucination. The kind that only happens when you wish for something so strongly, so badly that your mind starts to paint it right in front of your own eyes.
“Did you… run?” Jennie said tentatively.
“I was just walking, but,” Lisa paused to catch her breath. She gripped the handle of her umbrella tighter and gestured behind her, “on my way… people were saying there was a fire.”
“So you ran here?”
Lisa nodded, keeping her back straight though she seemed on the verge of collapsing.
Jennie eyed the way Lisa’s arm stretched forward, angling the umbrella to ensure it covered her properly. But noticing Lisa’s shoulders getting drenched in the process, Jennie decided to step closer. Only two, tiny steps, taken purely out of concern. But almost immediately, Lisa’s body tensed at their proximity.
And Jennie’s frown followed shortly after, her arms crossing defensively.
Because Lisa’s simple reaction delivered the answer she had been dreading all along.
“Did someone force you to come?”
“What? No. I wanted to see you.”
“Then can you at least pretend not to hate being close to me?”
“I like being close to you,” Lisa protested, matching Jennie’s frown.
“Well, it doesn’t really look like it.”
“How?”
“Oh please,” Jennie rolled her eyes, “it’s like your body turned into ice as soon as I got close.”
“That’s because I’m nervous,” Lisa argued.
“Yeah? What for?”
“I—”
Their childish bickering was abruptly interrupted by unbearable static noise. Jennie’s head turned to the source of the sound, watching the concierge pressing buttons on a megaphone.
“S-sorry, uhm, the… situation is now, uhm, under control,” he stammered.
The few residents that didn’t leave started moving immediately, but Jennie still caught the last part of the announcement.
The lift is still out of order. Please use the stairs in the meanwhile.
“You got to be fucking kidding me,” she said under her breath, receiving a confused look from Lisa.
Jennie hated that look. It made Lisa seem like a lost puppy. Jennie had always been weak for puppies.
If there was one thing Jennie was sure of, it was that Lisa was going to break up with her. It was obvious. Jennie had been dealing with no contact for weeks, but now that she had Lisa right in front of her, she could almost feel her urge to run away.
And who was Jennie to keep her chained?
She’d have to accept it. But perhaps not immediately.
“Do you want to come up?” Jennie offered.
It was a pathetic way of delaying the inevitable, but Jennie still tried. Surely, going up twenty-four flights of stairs would give her enough time to come to terms with the predictable outcome of their break.
Lisa followed her easily. She must have felt pity.
It was going to be fine. Nothing better than spending the last few minutes of their relationship climbing numerous steps. Jennie would definitely get her cardio for the day too.
Positive thinking, Jennie repeated in her head like a mantra.
But surprising to none, going up the stairs was at least ten times harder than going down.
“Enough!” Jennie let out in a forced breath, yanking down the zip of her hoodie as she collapsed on the flat surface separating them from the next flight of stairs. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Fuck positive thinking.
Jennie’s lungs were close to bursting. Every breath she took was loud and uneven, her chest heaving. Jennie was certain that her face had never been so red. She looked like shit. The worst she had ever looked, probably.
When Lisa reached her and knelt to her level, Jennie almost felt offended. Lisa’s breathing was pretty much the same as when they first started climbing.
“Do you want a drink?” she asked, sliding one strap of her tote bag off her shoulder.
“I’m fine,” Jennie breathed. She pulled the claw clip from her bun, letting her hair fall over her flushed face. Then, her eyes landed on the bottle Lisa had pulled out, its vivid green colour awakening distant memories. “How did you get that?”
Lisa innocently glanced at the bottle of green tea, then returned her gaze to meet Jennie’s. “It’s the one you like, no?”
“Yes, but how…” Jennie shook her head, her mind clouded with confusion. “Where did you get it?”
“Well, I couldn’t find the old vending machine that had it so I asked Jisoo to order it online.”
Jennie’s eyes narrowed. “You went to see Jisoo before me?”
Eyes widening with panic, Lisa started to shake her head repeatedly. “No, I… I mean, it was on the way—”
With one last tired sigh, Jennie pushed her hair back. Not only did Lisa get her a goodbye gift, she also ensured that breaking up with her wasn’t even at the top of her priority list when she came back.
“Whatever. We don’t need to reach the top. Let’s just get it over with here. Give it to me.”
Lisa raised an eyebrow. “Give you what?”
“The dumping speech,” Jennie rolled her eyes. “Come on. I got the clues. You literally packed your bags and left the country for this. And I haven’t seen you smile once since you showed up again. I’ve been ready, okay? I can take it.”
For the first time since they met again, Lisa seemed to be truly dumbfounded. “That’s… ridiculous.”
“What?”
“You think I came here to break up with you?”
“Is that not the case?”
“No!” Lisa said with her voice slightly raised. Almost as if the mere thought was outrageous. “Listen… I might not be the smartest person when it comes to relationships, but even I know how dumb that would be. Me? Breaking up with you?”
For a moment, everything stopped. Jennie’s legs were aching like hell, her tank top was stuck to her back with sweat and one of her feet was out of her slippers. But somehow, Jennie had never felt better. It was like in school, when she’d finish a test and spend the rest of her days telling herself her grade was doomed, only to find out she passed with flying colours. It had been so, so hard to pretend she’d be fine when she had been terrified of Lisa leaving her.
“You’re not dumping me?” she asked weakly.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
The tears followed easily. Jennie used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe them away before she made a fool of herself.
“Sorry, I’ve just been having these thoughts for weeks and…” she let out a half-laugh, half-sob, “I’m just really glad I was wrong.”
“Thoughts of me… leaving you?” Lisa asked, her tone still incredulous.
“Well, can you blame me? You looked like you hated seeing me again while I…” Jennie jutted out her bottom lip. “I just wanted to hug you really badly.”
Leaving the drink aside, Lisa pushed herself forward, wrapping Jennie in a tight embrace that had been long overdue. Jennie could only let out a trembling sigh, holding onto Lisa’s shoulders as she felt Lisa’s lips press gentle kisses to the side of her head. And with such simple gestures, the sense of emptiness that had tormented Jennie for weeks started to slowly dissolve, her heart finally feeling the warmth of sunlight after a long storm.
If only they could pretend that was all they needed to move forward.
“What now?” Jennie mumbled, not daring to pull away from Lisa’s touch.
“Well, I’m worried that if we keep going up, you’ll pass out.”
“I’m not moving.”
Lisa laughed. “That’s okay. We can speak here.”
“And you’re not breaking up with me,” Jennie repeated, just to be sure.
“I’m not,” Lisa said again. She reluctantly pulled away, her hands finding Jennie’s. As their eyes met, Lisa brought Jennie’s knuckles to her lips, kissing them softly before she added, “But you’re not breaking up with me either, right?”
“No.”
“Then we start on the same page.”
“We were always on the same page about our feelings,” Jennie commented. “The problem is that you don’t think that’s enough.”
“I never said that.”
“You thought about it. And that’s enough to make it an issue, but It’s fine. For now. We just can’t let it drag until you start hating everything about me and resent our relationship and find someone else and never want to see me again,” Jennie said all in one breath.
Lisa could only let out a disoriented huh, prompting Jennie to continue.
“While you were away, I had that work meeting with Taeyang. And at some point, we got to speak, and… apparently, he had always been aware of the little changes I made to make him like me more. And then it turns out that, eventually, he…”
“He what?” Lisa prompted.
Jennie hesitated to say it out loud. “He fell out of love with me. All those feelings were just gone.”
Lisa moved to sit beside her, one hand resting on Jennie’s lower back. “Did you ever realise?”
“No, I… I suppose that’s what I get for never really caring about what being in love is really supposed to feel like.” Jennie shook her head. “But that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want the same to happen to us. I don’t want you to deal with issues you have with me silently and then wake up some day realising that you don’t feel the same about me.”
“Jennie, I promise you, I don’t have issues with you.”
“But you do. I know the cameras made you uncomfortable, and you don’t like having me at your house because you think it’s not good enough for me, which is totally wrong, but I won’t push. I get that our lives are very different, but I don’t want to be like Gemma Chan in Crazy Rich Asians and walk on eggshells around you because that’s clearly not going to work and I’m sorry—”
Two fingers pressed against her lips, not letting her continue. Jennie eyed Lisa puzzled.
“Let me explain, okay?” she said. Then she paused, eyes narrowed. “Wait, who are these crazy rich Asians you’re talking about?”
“It’s a movie, I watched it on a plane once,” Jennie mumbled, lips moving against Lisa’s fingers. “We should watch it together someday.”
Lisa was about to reply, but then she pressed her lips together and refrained from pursuing that tangent. “Okay. Anything else you want to tell me before I say my piece?”
Jennie nodded hesitantly, and Lisa moved her fingers away to hold her hand instead. “What is it?”
“I stole your radio.”
“Right.”
“It’s in my living room.”
“Is stealing my property your hobby now?” Lisa laughed quietly. “First it was my heart, then my radio.”
“Well, you can only take back one.”
And Lisa’s eyes softened instantly. “The radio will do.”
Jennie hummed contentedly at the answer, resting her chin on Lisa’s shoulder to meet Lisa’s gaze with the same tenderness. “Okay. I’m ready. Go ahead.”
Lisa seemed momentarily lost in thought, eyes lingering on Jennie’s pleased smile and gentle eyes. Then, she cleared her throat, brushing her thumb over the back of Jennie’s hand before continuing.
“First of all, your gifts did not make me uncomfortable. My worry was that I could never match them. That I’d have nothing to offer in this relationship and that you’d get tired and leave me.”
“But—”
“Uh-uh. Let me finish. You said you wanted me to communicate when anything was wrong, so that’s what I’ll do.”
Jennie nodded.
“My life used to be so monotonous. I used to be comfortable in my routine, not having the confidence for anything else. And the funny thing is that I used to think I was fine with it. Until one day you barged into my world and dragged me to ruin your ex’s car.”
“I didn’t drag you,” Jennie protested weakly.
“Since that day, I finally had something to look forward to. Someone that added joy in everything I did. And that’s when I realised the big difference between being fine and being happy.” Lisa looked her in the eyes fondly, with clear certainty. “You’re the one that makes me happy, Jennie.”
“And it took you weeks to figure it out?” Jennie croaked, although the stupid, teary smile on her lips was hard to hide.
“No, I knew the answer as soon as you mentioned it,” Lisa smiled. “I just had to sort myself out first.”
“By disappearing?”
“By seeing my mum, and being honest about how I hated my life, and that I was about to lose the one person that made me hate it a little less.”
“Did you tell her… everything?”
“Pretty much. But instead of scolding me like I expected, she hugged me and told me to forget about what I couldn’t do, and instead focus on what I know and do well.”
“And what is that?”
Lisa took off the tote bag that still hung on her shoulder. She opened it outside of Jennie’s sight and rummaged through its contents, finally pulling out a simple rectangular box with a golden ribbon.
“Happy belated birthday, Jennie. Sorry I couldn’t be here for it.”
“Who told you when my birthday was?” Jennie questioned with a look of wonder. She didn’t recall ever specifying it to her.
“If you really have to know… I used to circle the sixteenth of January on the calendar before my own birthday. You know, back in the days,” Lisa explained sheepishly.
Jennie laughed and accepted the box gratefully. “You still do that or?”
“No,” Lisa denied. “Well, I did it this year. But because you’re actually my girlfriend.”
“That, I am,” Jennie said, loosening the ribbon. “I missed you a lot that day.”
“I missed you every single day I spent away from you,” Lisa said.
As Jennie opened the box, Lisa watched her carefully, crossing her arms on her knees as she waited.
The first item to greet Jennie was a key attached to a bulky keyring. She picked it up with a raised eyebrow.
“Is this a car key? You’re gifting me a car?”
The dubious, bewildered tone made Lisa laugh.
“No. That’s the key to my new car. Well, not exactly new since I bought it second hand. But that’s the first thing I know how to do well. That is, driving.”
“You have a license?” Jennie exclaimed in shock.
Somehow, the fact that Lisa sat through her tales of driving nightmares while never mentioning that she could drive just fine felt like a little betrayal. In Lisa’s defence, Jennie never asked.
“Always had. I just never invested in a car. But then, from that day I picked you up from work… I was so frustrated at the fact that I couldn’t drive you home. So, I spent my savings from the two jobs I worked that month to pay for a car.”
“So that I never have to drive?”
Lisa smiled. “Not unless you want to. You can be a passenger princess until then.”
Without hesitation, Jennie’s lips found Lisa’s in a soft, fleeting kiss. It wasn’t just the relief of not having to sit behind a wheel any time soon. Jennie could tell, in the quiet and thoughtful way Lisa had included her in the decision of getting a car, that this meant Lisa saw a future with Jennie in it.
“Thank you, Lisa.”
Lisa’s cheeks reddened. It had been some time since they last kissed, after all. Jennie intentionally avoided it during their discussion, afraid she’d mark it as their last.
Rubbing the back of her neck shyly, Lisa motioned to the rest of the contents.
“There’s more.”
Below the key was some sort of scrapbook. It had a really plain cover, held together with a spiral binding.
“Go ahead. Open it,” Lisa encouraged.
Each page had a photograph with a caption and a date underneath. Jennie struggled to read the words at first, but easily concluded they were names of places in Thailand. Streets, cities, villages. Probably matching the location of the photographs.
“Holiday pictures?”
“Wrong.”
The different dates fell under the weeks Lisa wasn’t around. Jennie continued to flip through the pages until she saw a familiar face.
Her own.
“You took these.”
The picture was taken sometime after they got together. Jennie had insisted they should witness the first snow in Seoul together, and Lisa eventually agreed to go out covered in heavy layers. Given how much she complained about the cold, Jennie hadn’t expected Lisa to suddenly ask for pictures. But when Lisa brought out her camera, one that Jennie got her, she didn’t hesitate to strike a pose.
The caption had the name of the street Jennie lived on. The date was, however, not the right one. Lisa wrote Jennie’s birthday instead, the one they didn’t get to spend together. It was also the only page on the scrapbook that had a small note at the bottom.
‘I want to be with you for all the first snows yet to come.’
“They’re for a portfolio,” Lisa explained. “Except your photo. That’s for me.”
“Does this mean… you’re getting back into photography?”
“Well, as I told you, I never did fashion photography. But your friend Jackson told me he didn’t give a shit, and just to show him what I could actually do.”
Jackson fucking Wang.
Jennie was going to give him an earful.
When she first spoke to him about a possible role for Lisa, Jackson had been more than accommodating. But in recent weeks, when Jennie had tried to confirm the offer was still on the table, Jackson had the audacity to tell her someone had reached out to take the position.
It had been devastating news to Jennie, though she was glad to have plenty of connections in the field to create a backup option.
Yet thankfully, it seemed like the person that contacted Jackson was none other than Lisa herself.
Jennie didn’t know what to say. Lisa had listened to her. She had reached out to Jackson on her own. She had been using the cameras Jennie had given her, taking photos like she had been wishing for all this time. And then… she came back to her.
“Lisa, I need you to be completely honest with me,” she said tentatively. “Is this really what you want to do? I don’t want you to feel forced to take the position if it’s not.”
“Believe me, I’ve thought about this a lot. This is my choice,” Lisa smiled reassuringly. “Not because I feel forced to, but because I finally have enough confidence to do it. Putting this portfolio together made me feel inspired like I haven’t been in a long time. I’m gonna give it my best shot. For real, this time.”
“You mean it? You’re leaving your job?”
“I resigned as soon as I came back.”
“And you’re one hundred percent sure of it?”
“Not quite. More like ninety for now,” Lisa said humorously, receiving a playful push to her shoulder. “There’s only one thing that I am one thousand percent sure of, Jennie.”
Lisa’s smile was radiant, though slightly nervous. She reached over to remove the scrapbook and gift box from Jennie’s lap, freeing her hands to hold them instead.
“What is it?”
Jennie was given no time to react before Lisa leaned in and kissed her. Slowly, tenderly, and as unexpectedly as the first time.
“That I’m completely and irrevocably in love with you,” she whispered against her lips.
Jennie’s heart skipped a beat, her cheeks warming instantly as if she were a teenager again. Was it because it had been so long since anyone had said those words to her? Or was it the fact that, when Lisa said them, Jennie wholeheartedly believed them?
And suddenly, she was eighteen again, standing in a high school bathroom, receiving a love confession from someone whose world was never meant to align with hers. But by some strange twist of fate, she got to change the ending. Instead of running away, instead of letting fear dictate her heart, she had the chance to let this moment grow into something far greater, much more beautiful.
Something that was completely and irrevocably hers.
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