Work Text:
Image description: The "Welcome to Desert Bluffs" podcast cover art (showing a stylized city against a yellow sky), edited to say "welcome to settling in." The sun has been edited to have the Magnus Institute logo in it: a stylized owl, its wings outstretched, emblazoned over a cracked eye.
Podfic Streaming:
[CLICK]
GERRY: Great, now I get to turn around. Probably. Only thing you’re useful for. Don’t want to tell me if it’s a Lightner, do you?
[static]
Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’d wager the chances of you telling me if it’s about to attack me or if it’s eating some poor sod are even lower? I shouldn’t even need to ask.
[radio on]
KEVIN: That concludes the sponsored segment. Aren’t you feeling excited to get your Night Smilier for the little ones already? I know Donny would love one! He’s been so thoughtful about his own unconscious reactions to dreams lately. He’s in that stage of his toddler life.
Ah, I remember that period of my own childhood fondly. I used to set an alarm for every half an hour to check what my facial muscles were doing during the night. No technological crutches, only my strong desire to overcome my weakness, and my father’s unwavering support. That is to say, of course, I’m glad that the youth of today have it easier than we did, and I’m sure so are all of you.
In other news, the week-long prayer to the Smiling God is added to the official community calendar following the unanimous resolution to add sleep deprivation to the list of banned ills in town, joining vampirism, allergy to asbestos, and the common cold, among others. The full list is available at the Radio Station every full moon, as is the custom. The prayer week is written in lizard blood, so you all must know that I am very serious.
Any citizen not in attendance without a good reason will be devoured ahead of time. But do not take it for a blessing, dear listeners, it carries terrible consequences you and your loved ones will have to suffer until your ordained time, before the world ceases to exist in the ever hungry belly of the Smiling God. So I’m sure I’ll see everyone at the little community-wide meetup.
Now, I’m curious about where the traffic is headed. What about you?
[radio off]
GERRY: I know what you’re trying to do.
[static]
I should pass it over just for that. Lucky for you, it’s as good of a place to die as any.
[CLICK]
***
[CLICK]
[sigh]
GERRY: You might as well stay on while I’m in town, you know? Things aren’t getting any less spooky anytime soon. Good with the bad, for once, sure, but plenty of you to try and feed on.
Or do you want me to tell you myself? [scoff] Like that’s going to happen. I’ve never been the type to keep a diary, you know. Too much risk of mother dearest finding it out, and not a lot of point of writing anything down besides. Talking to myself is just the same, except others are liable to find out too. Like you.
I’m bored enough to entertain you a little, I suppose. Not many visitors in the library for some reason. The people on the streets are friendly enough, but they never have the time to stop and chat.
[static]
KEVIN: Hello new friend! Would you mind giving me just a minute of your time? I’m so sorry I didn’t have the time to greet you properly upon your arrival! The Temple gets busy this time of the year, I’m sure you understand. I so like to welcome each and every member of our little friendly community myself. A little personal touch to truly make you feel like a part of it.
GERRY: You’re the radio host, right?
KEVIN: Oh, silly me. Yes, that’s me! I’m Kevin, the humble and amiable voice of Desert Bluffs Too. You would’ve heard me on the radio, and on the pulpit if you’ve been to one of the morning, or afternoon, or evening services at the Temple of Joy. And on an occasional broadcast of one of my sermons. Those happen on occasion and no one knows why.
GERRY: [polite] Uh-huh. I don’t think I’ve caught any. Moving into a new town can be a busy time, I’m sure you understand, Kevin.
KEVIN: Sure do!
GERRY: And with setting up the library, especially so. Arrange for a building, review the books that come with it, dig the remains of the half-finished building the next lot over, order the new ones, get the approval for them to be imported, and on and on it goes. Easier than running a bookshop. But that's all I can say right now.
KEVIN: I’m sure we can figure it out in no time! Just give me the list and I’ll make sure it’s processed in a timely manner.
GERRY: Thanks.
KEVIN: [insistently cheery] And with the library in the final stages, I’m sure you can find a minute for a religious service or two. It’s sure to bring you joy. You can do with a bit more smiling, Gerry.
GERRY: It’s what everyone here keeps telling me.
KEVIN:I’m sure they do! It’s the truth. Everyone can do with a little more smiling. Even me, if you can believe it!
GERRY: You’d know it better than I.
KEVIN: [a brief laugh] Well, while I’m here, would you mind me asking how’d you get the permission for the library? It is so hard to get plans for new buildings approved in the city, you wouldn’t believe! Or, well, you would, given that you somehow managed to do it, despite all the useful forms and a little less useful employees at the mayor’s office.
GERRY: [very slightly hesitant] The mayor signed off on it?
KEVIN: [less cheery] The mayor signed…? You found Lauren?
GERRY: On my way to town, down in the desert. [under his breath] there shouldn’t be anywhere else to get lost here.
KEVIN: And was she smiling?
GERRY: [a beat] …Yes?
KEVIN: I. See. [muttering] That’s new. I can’t believe she wouldn’t come and visit me in the studio if she’s all better.
GERRY: Is that everything you needed?
KEVIN: [distracted] Ah. No, no. Yes, I’ve been meaning to come by to find a few books. That’s what the libraries are for, aren’t they? To collect and lend all the books that bring people joy.
GERRY: Sure. What are you looking for?
KEVIN: [brighter] Nothing very specific, I’m afraid. You see, my husband is a theologist, and he is always looking for new things to read. He’s gone through everything in Desert Bluffs Too already. [a giggle] He is so good at the theologist thing. I was hoping to take a look at what you have, if that’s alright? Do show me the way, I don’t think I’m familiar with the system you’re using.
GERRY: Just the same as most libraries do, but I would imagine you don’t have one of those.
KEVIN: Not since we relocated to the Desert Otherworld! Oh, but Lauren did want to build a new one for quite a while. It is only such a pity she was ran out of town before she managed to organise it. But here you are now, carrying on her dream! Isn’t it simply marvellous?
GERRY: I’m glad to be of service to the community.
KEVIN: Although I think you could use a little help with the decor to make it more homey. I’m sure you tried your hardest, and I applaud you for it, but the room is missing a certain Bluffs charm, don’t you think? Oh, how rude of me not to ask, have you been invited for a welcoming dinner by someone already? I’m sure you’ve seen all the cafes and the government offices, but it doesn’t substitute for being in a properly furnished home. No? Can I invite you over tomorrow night then? I’ll be done with all the work early and Donny is home from the trip, so you wouldn’t intrude on anything, promise.
[CLICK]
***
[CLICK]
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: What a marvellous place, I must say! It’s been simply ages since I’ve been in a library, hasn’t it, Erica?
ERICA: Yeah, like decades. Since the last one mysteriously burned down in an accident that definitely didn’t have anything to do with me.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Oh, you, always on about the things you didn’t do. Wouldn’t you rather take pride in what you accomplished? How about the tree made of human teeth you’ve built last All Smiles Eve? Lovely job that was.
Don’t you worry about it, Gerry darling, it only burned because some precocious children found something upsetting in it and set the fire to the section in a fit of righteous fury. Pity only that the fire spread to the entire building. Some people might say let it burn in punishment, but I’ve always found it a little excessive. So many perfectly happy books lost, and for what? But don’t mind this old woman talking.
GERRY: [amused] I’m not worried. If there are any upsetting books in town, I’ll be first in line to burn them. Everything in the library has been approved by the City Council and me personally.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: There’s a good boy, very responsible. We always need more young people like you in town.
GERRY: Just doing my job.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: [hum] And how are you settling in with the town? Your job isn’t everything, despite what Kevin might lead you to believe. Being a part of your community is very important.
GERRY: I’m alright. Still acclimating to the new town. But the people here are very friendly. More so than I’ve ever seen. England’s pretty different, all things considered.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Don’t be daunted by the insistence, we really just mean to make you feel welcome.
GERRY: There’s no danger of that, promise.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: That’s good, that’s good. How about I show you around after you’re done for the day? There won’t be many people bothering you when you’re with me. A nice stroll with me and Erica. And maybe Erica. Indulge this old woman in tales about her two cities?
GERRY: I can’t refuse you, can I?
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: A harmless old lady like me?
GERRY: I close in two hours if there isn’t a sudden flood of patrons. Anything you wanted to check out in the meantime?
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wonderful! I’d love to take a look at your gardening section, if you don’t mind? Should take me a while. Erica, dear, why don’t you pick something for yourself to read? I see the children’s section is right over the corner and to the right. And the books on mediaeval illuminations are right across the entrance if my memory serves me well?
GERRY: I also have a few grouped in with the foreign religions, if you’ve got the access to that section.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: I do, I do. Kevin’s never minded if us, old folks, get involved with esoteric interests for a bit. We’re old enough to know what we should and shouldn’t trust.
GERRY: I’ll take that under advisement.
[CLICK]
***
[CLICK]
GERRY: What is it now?
[radio on]
And now, for the horoscopes.
Leo : Sometimes a new acquaintance is a soon to be old friend. Sometimes an old friend is a soon to be new acquaintance. Sometimes you never know or never meet a person at all. Who knows what a new day will bring to you.
Virgo : Everyone knows you just moved in, but your house is practically devoid of life! Put a plant in the corner maybe! Or a frame on the barren white walls. Where’d you even find white walls? That’s too unfun to think about. You have to be feeling the stillness pressing in on you too. Pick a possum off of the road and make a painting off of it, for someone’s sake. If you can’t kill your own decoration, ground found or store bought are fine.
Think of the children! Your children, that you will eventually have. Do you want them to grow up in pristine white four walls with nothing to catch their eye or entertain their curious mind? No, we didn’t think so either. Today is the day. Do it!
Libra : The call of the abyss will be particularly strong this evening. Lucky numbers are 4, 9, 13, and 18.
Scorpio : An ancient race of benevolent beings will visit the Earth today. It is your duty to convince them not to benevolently throw the whole planet into a sick black hole party. Sure, it’s totally awesome, but is it really worth all the hassle of getting back out? Good luck with that decision.
Sagittarius : The door is, and has always been to your right. Try to remember that the next time you get into a pointless argument with your husband about overdue renovations and the lack of excitement in your life. Maybe a little, tiny deviation in your persistent routine isn’t such a bad thing?
Capricorn : I would avoid the Fire Resistant Boulevard today if I were you. For no particular reason. But something amusing might just happen today. Not for people on it, or for you. But for someone.
Broken Zebra : You have forgotten something. It’s not important. But you’ve forgotten it. Now you can think about it all day.
Pisces : The path from your bedroom to the outside world might seem long today. It might seem daunting. It might even seem impossible. But remember, it is only a step, followed by another, and another, and a million more. In the dark. Along.
Now that you think of it, maybe it isn’t worth it at all.
KEVIN: How strange. It looks like a part of this horoscope is cut off. I’m sure the rest of it said that if you do think that you should remember what a wonderful community you live in and how excited everyone will be to see you. And, of course, as always, you should smile! It really brings the mood up.
Aries : Look on the ground once in a while. You’re missing so much if you’re always staring up at the sky. The never ending, fascinating sky. Might save you a trip, or something. You know, just a tip.
Taurus : You might receive a postcard from a distant friend, enclosed in an oddly shaped envelope. You might even open it, you will tell yourself, as you look at the envelope in your hand and ponder what it might and might not contain, ponder on what words the postcard might or might not contain. You might be afraid. You might be excited. You might feel both, or neither, or both and neither at once. You’re a complex person capable of feeling many things. Fear. Excitement. Curiosity, scientific and otherwise. Concern. Worry. Joy.
You know what the envelope feels like, there is no might about it, so you put it away in a table, along with other correspondence you receive but don’t know what to do with. Maybe it’s for the best that you give yourself time. Maybe it’s for the best that you never open it at all. Or maybe you’re just prolonging your own worry for far longer than you should. Maybe the envelope contains nothing terrible at all. Do you think it’s worth taking a look?
KEVIN: [hum] I’m not so sure this is the right one. But I don’t think I see anything else, so we’ll just have to go with it, don’t we?
Gemini : I would break all the mirrors in the house if I were you. I mean, I would break all the mirrors in your house if I were you any day, why do you even have unbroken mirrors?
Cancer : Take care of your garden, or it will take care of you.
[radio off]
GERRY: Well, that’s not concerning at all. I think I’ll have a nice evening in tonight, and see if the town’s still standing tomorrow. Want to make a bet?
No, I didn’t think so. You only bet on certainties.
[a pause]
I won’t let you tempt me into investigating. I’ve fed you more than enough recently.
[CLICK]
***
[CLICK]
GERRY: Anything I can do for you?
CHARLES: I have some books to return. My husband, Kevin borrowed them a couple of weeks back, but cannot find a moment to return them. I don’t know how he manages to be a prophet and the voice of Desert Bluffs Too at the same time.
GERRY: I’m sure the near 100% devotion of the citizens helps immensely. Let me take those off of your hands.
[a squeak of wheels]
CHARLES: [a small laugh] I suppose so. Although not every theocracy runs so smoothly. So much effort goes into preparing and rooting out all dissent. And, of course, monitoring each and every citizen for their greatest mistakes and fears. But you’re probably not as interested in the particulars as much as I am.
Don’t wander off, Donny, we’re just going to the checkout desk.
GERRY: Depends on the particulars, I’d say. Been a part of a cult the leader of which could read thoughts and see everyone from a distance. Didn’t do him much good when half the staff hated his guts and the other was barely involved in anything approaching interesting.
CHARLES: Trust is a key to a successful religion. Trust in the divinity, and trust in the priests. If it isn’t present, the devotees might as well find another faith. Or build their own. Too many people forget that. It’s always fear or love, but never trust. A religion is nothing like a state. Unless it is the state, of course. But that only makes it even more essential to maintain the trust along with love or fear or both.
[Books on the table, computer keys]
GERRY: The fear sure was the entire problem. Failed entirely on that front too.
CHARLES: May I ask you who you’re talking about?
GERRY: Just some old man down in London. Isn’t worth talking about. Say, you’re OK with your son playing with those books?
CHARLES: So long as you don’t mind. Donny wouldn’t damage any of them. All of mine are still intact and he’s been trying to read them since he was five months old. A curious boy, just like his dad.
GERRY: No, it’s fine. I can replace them rather easily. An acquaintance of mine prints those all the time. I just don’t know if they’re very kid-friendly.
CHARLES: I know what you mean. But he’s been drawn to the skies all his life. Nearly fell into them before we moved. Not so much here, the abyss below is much stronger at pulling us all down into its gaping maw.
GERRY: You’re not concerned?
CHARLES: Oh, I’ll always be concerned for him. Not in Desert Bluffs Too. It’s its own kind of world, and with Kevin around, there’s no chance of him getting lost on accident.
GERRY: Anything else for today? You were the one to read the books, right? Kevin mentioned something about an interest in theology. I think I might have some more books for you. And I’ve just received a delivery from a friend overseas with first-hand encounters with a small cult in London.
CHARLES: I would love to take a look. Would you mind terribly if I stop by tomorrow? I think Donny’s a little tired after our excursion to the pit of endless light. And if you’ll have me for a chat about your own experiences?
GERRY: I’ll set what I have aside for you by then. I’m sure we’ll find something to talk about.
[CLICK]
***
[CLICK]
GERRY: I’m starting to think you don’t feed on fear anymore, but on annoying me. Or maybe on other people annoying me. On my annoyance. Do you think it’s possible? Knowing the Beholding, it wouldn’t surprise me. The sort of statements Gertrude would read sometimes… I wouldn’t call them horrifying encounters. More like confusing situations and mild inconveniences. Does failure of others like you feed you too? That would make some sense. Doubt you’re capable of feeling fear, but maybe something passing for it.
Here we go.
[Squeak of the door]
[startled noise]
CITIZEN: I’m sorry librarian…
GERRY: Gerry.
CITIZEN: …Gerry, sir, I’ll get the book right away. It’s just a room over, I promise, I’ll be in and out in no time.
GERRY: Sure. Go ahead. You don’t have to stand behind a barricade, you know. Why’s it late anyway?
CITIZEN: [trembling] Of course, I won’t do it if it’s bothering you, Gerry, sir. I was chosen for the monthly polishing of carvings in the Moonstone Abyss this time, and couldn’t make it to the city, much less home and to the library until the weekend was over. I know it’s been days since then, I will get the book right now, it won’t repeat again. I will never return the books late again, I’m sure that I can make it work.
[door slamming shut]
GERRY: You don’t have to if you’ve got a reason. [sigh] What’s up with all of them? Am I that unreasonable?
I suppose being stuck here isn’t the worst life.
[CLICK]