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1
It was a summer when Eddie was eight years old and his grandma was enamored with her grandson, as grandmas usually are. They were spending the day together, just the two of them, coloring books and reading magazines and going to the town square so Eddie could play with other kids while Isabel gossiped with other moms and grandmas at the park.
It was later, while she was helping Eddie change into clean clothes after a much needed bath considering all the running around, that abuela smooched his face and said, “Good as new, my little prince.”
Eddie was so tired from the sun and the running and the playing but his eyes opened wide upon hearing his abuela’s words. Eddie, a prince? That didn't sound right. He wasn't a prince, he didn't have a crown or anything like that. Not like his sisters with their dresses and tiaras. He only had cowboy hats and basketball shorts. But in that moment, with his abuela's words echoing, Eddie wished for something. He wasn’t sure what that was.
2
When Eddie was 17, he asked Shannon to prom because he figured that was what was expected of him. She was his girlfriend, after all. So he did what he was supposed to and she said yes and then it was time to actually attend prom and get it over with.
Eddie wasn't particularly excited. He never was about that sort of thing – going out in public with her made him feel like he had to put on a show for other people, like he was meant to please them. He knew it was stupid, most people probably couldn't care less but he still felt pressured somehow.
He hated overthinking every single one of his moves even more. Eddie wasn't into PDA, it was just not his thing. He wasn't affectionate, it just didn't come naturally to him. Neither his father nor his mother were the kind of parents that hugged and kissed and caressed their children to show love or to soothe their pain. His grandma was the one that did that, mostly in the form of tight hugs and loud kisses on the cheek. Eddie felt like a child around her, getting away with it. She was the one person Eddie allowed himself to be tactile with in front of others because it was all about them expressing their love for one another, not about the looking or judging or making guesses.
Point was, Eddie left his house, drove his truck and prepared himself for the few pictures he knew Shannon and her mom were gonna wanna take to remember that night. He figured the typical couple's pose would be fine and enough for them and he could tolerate doing that.
He arrived and handed Shannon the corsage she very unsubtly suggested he should get her while they passed by a flower shop. She still smiled her brightest upon seeing it and thanked him profusely, in spite of it not being a surprise nor Eddie's pick. Eddie didn't get it but he didn't understand a lot of things about women and in general so he let it be.
Once the corsage was in place, Shannon's mom brought out her camera and Eddie sighed on the inside. He knew it was coming. He was ready for it. She took a picture of the two of them side by side and then they posed as tradition mandated and that seemed to make her and Shannon happy. Like that was what they wanted out of it and they got it. Eddie was relieved.
“Come, take a look,” Shannon's mom urged them.
Eddie and Shannon gathered to check the camera display. Her mom had saved for quite a while to get a new digital camera to capture Shannon’s last year in high school. It was a whole thing, taking pictures and seeing how they turned out immediately after. Eddie wasn't sure he liked it.
Between commenting how bright Shannon’s smile looked and how well their outfits matched, Eddie couldn’t help but notice that Shannon looked like a–
“Eddie looks like Prince Charming!” Shannon’s mom loudly interrupted Eddie’s thoughts.
She wasn’t right, Eddie didn't feel like Prince Charming. He never had. His sisters loved fairy tales so he knew a lot about the type. They were selfless, they dedicated their lives to good causes and overcame all sorts of obstacles and got a reward for their troubles. Sometimes it was a kiss, others it was a wife or a crown, most times it was all those at once.
Eddie didn't aspire to earn a crown or a wife out of whatever journey lay ahead. He just wanted–well, he wasn't sure but he had time to figure his life out. He was young and going through the motions but he would soon be 18 and then he would get to decide his next steps. He just had to get through prom unscathed.
3
When Eddie became a father, he couldn't breathe. He was smiling and cutting his son's umbilical cord and he thought for a second that he was going to black out. How on earth was this his life?
He was married and had a son and a war to get back to. This wasn't at all what he had envisioned. Granted, he hadn't allowed himself to think too far ahead because he knew hopes only made expectations grow and disappointments all the harder to swallow.
He just never thought he would be in this situation, not while so young and lost. He didn't feel grown enough to be anyone's father. It's not like he was under the delusion that a kid would be the final push into adulthood he needed to smoothly fix his life. Eddie knew better. He had enough experience with his own parents to believe that children were the solution to anyone’s problems.
It didn't change the fact that, as of a few seconds ago, he had officially become someone's father. Eddie did his best to stay standing, and looking at his baby helped. He was small and his cheeks were pink and he was wailing and Eddie… Eddie loved him. Eddie wanted to be a good dad, the kid deserved that.
After the baby was checked and cleaned and wrapped in a blanket, the nurse brought him over to Shannon and commented, “Here you go, mom. He’s so well behaved, so handsome, a prince just like his dad.”
Eddie had no idea if his son was a prince at this point. He didn't know him well enough to tell. But Eddie knew for a fact that he didn’t look like a well behaved, handsome prince.
Eddie didn’t come off as well behaved. He didn't speak a lot if he could help it, he was private. He wasn't rude but his humor was cut and dry and not everyone enjoyed it or got it. He could get on well with a room full of people but he hadn't been able to make a real friend in all of his life. Except for Shannon, maybe, but she didn't count because they were married and their relationship was… just, it was difficult to get into it. She didn’t count.
Eddie didn’t like being given orders, though he liked having a purpose. It was contradictory of him but it had been like this all his life. He disliked obeying or following rules, as soon as anyone tried to tell him what to do, he wanted to do the opposite just for the sake of not complying because that was what was expected of him.
He had to be extra careful during his tour. He had to frame everything as a duty; it was merely his job he was doing. Eddie liked purpose and healing people and doing everything in his power to achieve that was what he had studied and trained for. So this logic, placing those facts at the forefront made it easy. Made orders feel like tasks he had to complete to fulfill his own needs to be good and useful.
Eddie wasn't handsome. He was too–too something to be described that way. Maybe because he was young and not tall or manly enough. He didn't have anything about him in particular to be remembered by. Eddie was just a regular looking man trying to survive a war for, as of a few minutes ago, his newborn son's sake.
4
Eddie started his firefighter career on a Monday. He was officially a probie at the 118 and everyone welcomed him warmly before he went to get changed and he figured he had made a good choice at last. Then he met Buck and it was touch and go for a second before they settled. By the end of his first week, Eddie knew he had chosen the right house.
Then they had to answer a call at a bachelorette party, after a small fire spread through the storage deposit at a bar they had rented for the joyous occasion. Eddie's nerves were rattled. The guests were inebriated and while some were being checked for smoke inhalation, others were just hanging around providing commentary on the 118’s every move.
Eddie tried to keep his focus, he had a job to do. He was doing triage, tagging patients after listening to their lungs, providing oxygen masks and instructions when it was needed, calling for Chim or Hen when it was more severe and handing over anyone in critical condition to the paramedics heading for the nearest hospital.
Eddie ignored the alcohol induced play by play all the while. He dismissed their opinions on the patients' situation based on random facts like how blackened the smoke had turned their clothes or how much of their eyebrows were left. He couldn’t let them distract him and interfere with his job.
It was later, when Eddie and Buck were finally rolling the hoses, that one of the women from the drunk group approached them.
“I think we’re done here,” he told Buck, trying to facilitate their escape.
“You don’t just look it, you also sound like a prince. Can I get your number?” she directed at Eddie, holding out her phone.
“Eh–No,” Eddie said with a gulp, not looking up from what he was doing.
“What about you?” she directed towards Buck.
“I don’t think so,” Buck told her and she stood pouting drunkenly.
Buck bumped his shoulder against Eddie’s as they made their way back to the truck carrying the hose.
“You’d think they’d be sober by now,” he commented.
Eddie shrugged his shoulders as an answer as he was placing the hose in its compartment.
Eddie still didn’t look like a prince. He didn’t love the attention, he didn’t like being noticed, he preferred to live his life quietly. It made him nervous when people approached him or even outright flirted with him. He never knew how to respond or react so he had chosen to simply say no each time and, if push came to shove, to mention Chris. It was quite the turnoff for a lot of people and, while they were clearly wrong because Chris was actually the best part about Eddie, it served the purpose of keeping them away.
Eddie didn’t sound like a prince either. His voice wasn’t deep and steady. It fluctuated and got too high sometimes even though he had been actively fighting against it because his dad hadn’t been kind about it when he was a kid. He had to act like a man and he had to sound like one too. Eddie had been trying desperately to please him his whole life but he knew it wasn’t enough. Eddie wasn’t good enough.
5
Chris left Eddie to live in Texas and Eddie was unmoored. He felt lonely, abandoned, homeless. It was the saddest he had been in all his life. At least it felt that way after his fifth or maybe sixth drink of the night.
“You should stop drinking now,” Tommy said.
Eddie wasn’t in the mood to get a lecture from Tommy of all people so he grumbled, “I don’t think so.”
“I’m just saying, prince, I think you had enough for tonight,” Tommy insisted.
“I think he’s right, maybe I should take you home,” Buck interjected before Eddie could protest.
“Fine, but I don’t think–I don’t think I can walk,” Eddie added, laughing uncontrollably then.
Tommy went to pay their tab and Buck hoisted Eddie up and all the way towards his jeep. Eddie liked the feeling of Buck’s arms around him, holding him up and walking him to the car and touching him. Buck buckled him up and Eddie snuggled against the headrest.
Eddie didn’t like Tommy calling him a prince. He never even once gave Tommy a single reason to call him that. Eddie just knew he was not a prince. At the moment, Eddie was too drunk to understand the tone or intention behind that word coming from him. They used to spend time together, before Buck started dating him. After, the only reason Eddie spent time with Tommy was when they were forced to be in the same room by Buck. Like that night, to drown Eddie’s sorrows after the celebration he had planned for Chris’s birthday had crashed and burned spectacularly. To have Tommy there, in any capacity… It hadn’t been Eddie’s idea and maybe Eddie simply didn’t like Tommy.
Next thing Eddie knew, someone was gently nudging him awake and when he opened his eyes, he saw it was Buck. They were parked outside Eddie’s house and Buck was standing next to his seat on the driveway, ready to support his weight once more to make their way inside. It was the best feeling ever so Eddie let himself be led. He almost felt the urge to pretend like his legs couldn’t take him so Buck would–Buck would have to–he would have to… do what? Mmmh, something nice, probably.
Eddie didn’t say anything, though, he just walked beside Buck and when they reached his bedroom, he faceplanted on his bed. He took Buck down with him. It was a funny phrase, that one, Eddie thought. He was dragging Buck down with him, getting him muddled up in Eddie’s messes all the time and, for whatever reason, Buck never protested and he was always there with him, by his side. Buck was too good and Eddie was bad.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie mumbled drunkenly.
“What are you sorry for?” Buck was laying next to him, hadn’t moved a muscle.
“For everything. I ruined everything.” Eddie lamented, turning to his side to face Buck.
Buck’s hand cupped Eddie’s cheek, caressing it and, oh, Eddie was crying, He only realized it because Buck’s thumb started tracing down the tears, drying his cheeks gently.
“You haven’t ruined anything,” Buck turned on his side too.
“I drove Chris away, just like I did his mom, and you’ll leave me too.” Eddie reached out with his hand to take Buck’s, squeezing it – whether it was a warning or a plea, he wasn’t sure.
“I won’t ever leave you and Chris will come back,” Buck promised, squeezing Eddie’s hand back.
“What about Tommy?” Eddie couldn’t help it, he had to know.
“What about him?” Buck looked confused.
“When you move in with him and have a family and you won’t be here anymore, you’ll leave me,” Eddie aired out his biggest fear and held his breath.
“I’m here, yeah? And I’m not planning on having a family with him. I have you and–and Chris.” Buck looked like he was thinking through every word but sounded sure of himself.
“You don’t love him,” Eddie meant to ask it but it didn’t come out as a question.
“No, I don’t.” Buck confirmed and after a beat added, “He’s just… a placeholder.”
“What’s that mean?” Eddie frowned.
“We’re not long term, we’re waiting for other people.” Buck’s gaze was intent on Eddie’s.
Eddie didn’t know that was a thing. Maybe it was. He just didn’t have much experience. He intended to follow that up but Eddie was too drunk and tired and he fell asleep before he could find out who Buck was waiting for.
+1
Eddie woke up with the worst headache the next day. He took the water and ibuprofen someone–Buck had left on his bedside table before getting into the shower. Eddie wanted to wash away the night, the week, the whole month even. But clean clothes and not smelling like whatever drink he had managed to spill on himself at the bar would help and he had to try. He wanted to. He needed to move on from that awful call and from the Buck part of it. Eddie couldn’t want him, not like that. He wasn’t gonna drag him down.
Eddie was making his way to the kitchen when he heard the telltale sign of Buck’s presence. Pan sizzling and the fridge being opened and the water running.
“Good morning,” Eddie mumbled, taking a seat while Buck was cooking breakfast.
It was a surprise to have him there. It was a usual occurrence, it just… Eddie had been drunk and they hadn’t really discussed Buck staying over. Not that they always did, sometimes–most times it just happened but Eddie figured Buck would, well, Buck would leave. Just as Eddie feared. Even though Buck promised he wouldn’t.
“Good morning, princess,” Buck smiled.
Eddie’s brain came to a screeching halt. Eddie wasn’t–He wasn’t a prince. He wasn’t. But a princess, that was a whole other thing. And Eddie… wanted. He wanted to be. Eddie wanted to be a princess. He wanted to be adored and cherished and loved. He wanted the soft clothes and the sweet kisses and the prince charming that came with it.
He wanted to stop pretending that he was rough and strong when all he was was the opposite. He wanted the softness and the sweetness and the weakness and he needed it to be okay to finally be.
Eddie wanted, Eddie had always wanted. He had never let himself think about it. But in his kitchen, with the one person who actually knew him, who understood before Eddie did, Eddie finally realized what he had been after all along.
He leaped from the chair and into Buck’s arms, kissing him hard on the mouth before Buck could even drop the spatula. Buck put his arms around Eddie, to reel him in, closer and closer as he kissed Eddie back. At last, the place was finally held by its rightful owner.
+1
“Let me see you,” Buck requested.
Eddie felt shy all of a sudden. They had been kissing moments ago, both of them grabbing and tugging at each other’s clothes because they needed them off. Buck was kneeling between Eddie’s legs, hovering over Eddie’s body, both of them naked on the bed.
Buck’s eyes were on him and Eddie felt seen. And that was scary. Eddie didn’t like the attention, he didn’t enjoy the spotlight. This time, though, it wasn’t just anyone touching him, seeing him, it wasn’t a show for someone else, a performance. It was just them, exploring each other’s bodies, being together in the most intimate of ways.
So Eddie counted to three in his head and when Buck pushed Eddie’s legs up, bent at the knee, Eddie let go of the fear. Eddie let himself enjoy it. Eddie let Buck’s eyes look, unable to get their fill, Buck’s hands going up and down Eddie’s legs, touching his knees and ankles and thighs and then parting Eddie’s legs and diving in. Eddie let Buck use his mouth to kiss and his tongue to enter and his thumbs to tease.
Eddie was perfect. He had never been better in all his life. When Buck touched him, when Buck put a finger inside, lubed up and careful and hesitant, Eddie thought he had died. He thought there was no way life was granting him this moment. This utter bliss.
When Buck deemed him ready, he asked for permission and entered Eddie’s body and Eddie knew he was actually alive. His body lit up and his face heated up and his heart sped up. He felt weightless and full and he arched his back and lost his breath when Buck’s hand held his hips firmly against the bed. Buck made a home for himself inside of Eddie, going in and out, deep and shallow, slow and fast.
Buck kept whispering how tight and soft and warm Eddie was. How he moved so well, arched so pretty and gripped him so hard. How he sounded like a dream, moaning and groaning and whimpering at every single touch or change of pace or angle. How delicate Eddie felt, how Buck was gonna make him his and how he was gonna take care of him.
“Come for me, princess.” Buck murmured.
And Eddie did. He came and he shivered and tingled and wept Buck’s name and clung on tight and close until Buck came inside him. They held each other through the aftershocks, trembling and gripping and kissing wherever they could reach, smiling and enjoying themselves and each other.
Eddie had finally figured out. He wanted exactly everything Buck was willing to give to him. Luckily for him, Buck had a lot to give.