Chapter Text
The emptiness of the parking lot at the Hard Deck wasn’t a surprise considering it was midafternoon on a Tuesday, and being able to get a park right outside the door instead of on the stretch of unpaved land that doubled as a car park on busy nights was a nice bonus to a shitty day. What did surprise him was the Bronco parked in another space, a bright blue beacon in the sun, in one of the parks. Half over a line, which made Jake want to take a photo and send it to the newly formed group chat, but that would mean answering questions about why he was at the Hard Deck on a Tuesday afternoon, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Sighing, he got out and made his way into the bar, blinking as his eyes adjusted, and he hooked his sunglasses into the collar of his shirt, staring around at the mostly empty place, at Jimmy setting out glasses and the few people scattered around the bar, most in business casual but there were a few in uniform, nursing drinks that hadn’t been touched with the thousand-yard stare he knew well. Finding Bradshaw wasn’t hard, it wasn’t like there were many people who would sit at the piano at the end of the bar, a glass of something dark sitting on top as he plucked away at the keys, filling the room with a solemn melody that would’ve sounded right at home at an upscale restaurant and not in a Navy bar.
Jimmy spotted him first, nodding a hello which Jake returned as he walked over, quickly ordering himself a beer. He might be at a bar on a Tuesday at two PM, but that didn’t mean he needed to shoot whiskey. He could wait for happy hour for that.
The melody changed, and it took Jake a second to place the familiar sound. He looked over to see Bradshaw smirking at him as he played. Grabbing his glass, he wandered over to the end of the bar and boosted himself up on one of the stools, debating finding some insult, but the evidence of the Mission was still on Bradshaw’s face in scratches and dark bags under his eyes from nightmares Jake also had. He didn’t have the heart to do that today.
“Imperial March? I’m honored,” he said instead, setting the glass on the bar and bracing his elbow so he could rest his head on his fist, staring at Bradshaw, who just smirked back and transitioned into something Jake didn’t know.
“Fanboy getting his claws into you?” Bradshaw asked, voice raspier than normal, from disuse or overuse, Jake didn’t know, and it could go either way from what little he knew.
“He wishes,” Jake replied, debating leaving it there, letting the conversation die its natural death, but some part of Jake didn’t want to let the conversation die because that would mean sitting with his own thoughts, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. “Nah, didn’t have much by way of movies growing up. They had a Star Wars movie marathon going TV one day and managed to tape the end of one movie, and the start of the second, so I never had any clue what the movies were actually about.”
Jake paused, aware he had Bradshaw’s attention even as his fingers kept moving across the keys, playing something that sounded familiar, but Jake was never going to claim he knew much about the classics. “Always felt like the rebels were kinda useless, and since I had never actually seen the full movies, I never knew what they were about. All I knew was that I liked the song and that Darth Vader had the best outfit.”
That made Bradshaw miss a key, the mangled symphony of multiple keys being hit echoing around the room as his head shot up and stared at Jake before he grinned, shaking his head. “You would like the villain.”
“He gets redeemed in the end,” Jake defended as he took another sip of the beer, suddenly more inclined to nurse it than his original plan of getting rip-roaringly drunk after blocking a few key numbers so he wouldn’t do something stupid.
“I take it you’ve seen them all now?” Bradley asked, giving up on the keys for the moment. He reached for his glass and downed it quickly, setting the now empty glass back on top of the piano and grimacing as he swallowed.
“I have. Don’t tell Fanboy,” Jake said, not bothering to hide his smile. “He’s under the impression I still haven’t because it’s funny making his little mind explode.”
“That’s mean.”
Jake shrugged. “Never claimed to be nice.”
“No, suppose not,” Bradley said, looking up and jerking his chin up as Jimmy swung past. “Can I get a beer, please?”
Jimmy looked briefly surprised by that before he nodded, getting Bradley his beer and checking in with Jake before he disappeared to go and do other things. Jake loved being the center of attention, he never denied it. But only when he wanted to be there; the rest of the time he enjoyed the quiet that came from being alone, the way he could zone and not think for hours on end, lost in the repetitive motion of whatever he was doing that do. Be it cleaning or some puzzle he had solved a thousand times before, something for his body to do so his mind could finally rest.
But in that moment, the silence felt like a death shroud resting over his shoulders.
“So, what brings you to the bar three days into our glorious month-long leave?” Jake asked as if he wasn’t there also. “Not doing anything with Captain Mitchell?”
Bradley huffed and shook his head. “No. Mav had plans. Hondo’s getting married, so they’ve got something planned for his bachelor's party, and then he’s got another wedding he promised to get to if he could, and I wasn’t going to let Mav ruin the bride's plans by seeing if I could tag along. And then something with Penny and Amelia since they might be making a true go of it this time. And spend time with Sarah and her kids to make sure they’re doing okay with Ice gone.”
“Who the fuck is getting married at his age?” Jake asked, wrinkling his nose, not wanting to touch the other topics with a ten-foot pole.
“One of his friend's kids,” Bradley corrected. “Mav makes friends, and he keeps up with people. It’s how he’s always been.”
“Except you,” Jake said, aware of a little of their history from what he had heard the others talking about. Jake could be the center of attention; it was easy to keep it on him. But he also knew the value of hiding in plain sight. Bob wasn’t the only one people forgot about when it suited him.
There was nothing happy in Bradley’s smile as he traced fingers through the condensation on the side of his beer. “No. No, that was all me. Mav tried. I was just never ready to hear it.” He picked up the beer and downed it in a long swallow, his neck bared and throat working in a way that made Jake’s mouth go dry. “Mav makes friends, and I hold grudges.”
“You make friends fairly easily,” Jake observed, casually taking a sip of his own drink to get rid of his dry mouth.
He had long since accepted the fact that he found Bradshaw attractive. He wanted to kiss the man, to feel the shape of his mouth half hidden under that infernal mustache. He wanted to feel Bradshaw pressed against his body, to see if the red that often flushed his cheeks would slide down his throat and over his chest as Jake slid to his knees. But Jake was also self-aware enough to know when an idea was nothing but a disaster in the making, so he kept it to himself. Besides, half the perks of glaring at each other whenever they were in the same room was Jake could look as much as he wanted, and all he got was a warning not start something.
“I do,” Bradley conceded. “Good ones even. That doesn’t mean I don’t hold grudges.”
“Yep,” Jake said, letting the word hang in the air.
Bradshaw’s mustache twitched, but he didn’t point out the obvious. The decade-old argument that felt like they were reading from a script these days, their words written down for them. Jake hated being told what to say. Oh, he could follow orders with the best of them. But being told what to say made him want to be coronary and start an argument. And it had, multiple times in his life for better or worse, and their old argument was wearing thin, irking Jake in a way he couldn’t quite pinpoint even though he had laid awake more than one night staring at the ceiling and trying to piece together a way to turn the page, start something new. Perhaps the mission could add a fifth miracle or whatever number they were on.
“What about you?” Bradley asked, changing the subject bluntly, with no attempt at a casual redirect. Jake appreciated it.
“What about me?”
“Doesn’t Coyote have some family wedding or something he’s at? I thought you’d be there since you’re close to them,” Bradley asked, hitting the sore spot that Jake wished he could keep covered, but he knew Bradshaw knew nothing about it. Once again, hitting the mark with no target.
“I am,” Jake said, swirling a finger around the rim of the glass. “One of his second cousins is getting married, and I was invited. Only one problem.”
“Which is?”
“His cousin is my ex-girlfriend and the man she’s marrying is the man she cheated on me with,” Jake said, stopping his finger to grab the glass and down the rest of the beer even as Bradley hissed. He set it down and smiled at Bradley, aware of how wrong it probably looked, he could feel it in the stretch of lips over teeth and the ache in his cheeks from the wrongness since there was no joy.
Speechless wasn’t something he and Bradshaw did around each other, but apparently, there was a first time for everything. “Shit,” was all Bradshaw finally came up with.
“Yep,” Jake said. “Got invited, would be welcome sure. I’ve known the family a long time, hell some of them were on my side after that little bomb got dropped, but I’m not gonna do that. I ain’t that much of an asshole. Wish ‘em the best, even sent them a wedding gift.”
“Which was what?”
The smile that stretched across his face felt more real this time. “A book on how to have open and honest communication in a marriage and a list of couples counselors in their area.”
Bradley burst out laughing, his head tipping forward as the sound filled the room, getting attention for a split second before the mid-afternoon alcoholics went back to finding the meaning of life at the bottom of their alcohol of choice. It took a moment for Bradshaw to settle, enough time for Jake to wave Jimmy over and get them both another round.
Wiping his eyes, Bradshaw lifted his head and shook his head at Jake in disbelief. “Fuck, you would.”
Jake shrugged. “She cheated on me after five years together. I was gonna fuckin’ propose. Talked to her Dad and got the family ring and all. Fuck, the fallout after that happened was batshit. You know how fuckin’ hard it is to have to give a ring back to a man you respected and watch him try and talk around it because most of them still like me?”
“What the fuck do you even say?” Bradley asked, horror entering his voice. “Thanks for the ring; sorry my daughter cuckolded you?”
“I think it’s only married men who can get cuckolded.”
“Not the point.”
“No, don’t suppose it is,” Jake said, shrugging again. “Javy said he’d try to get a video if they opened the gifts around them. I told him not to bother. To worry about having fun with his family and his girl.”
“Dino, right?” Bradley asked.
Jake nodded, thinking of the WSO that Javy had taken one look at and fallen head over heels for her three years ago. Bethany ‘Dino’ Saur was the five-foot-nine daughter of blue-collar workers who were sun up to sundown kinda people, and Beth was the same way. She had taken one look at Javy, and by extension Jake, and had walked right up and introduced herself to them before telling Jake to respectfully fuck off because she had one more night before she was due to ship out and had a plan. Jake adored her; she had fit into his and Javy’s friendship like the missing piece, and he wished, more than anything, that she had been there for the Mission because she had a no-nonsense way about her that most pilots needed.
“Yeah, he and Beth are going to the wedding and then heading up north to go and visit her family,” Jake explained. “She was already on leave, so this is just the best news for both of them.”
“Kinda sounds like a lot of people got lucky,” Bradley said, suddenly more somber than he had been. “Fanboy and Payback are going on some trip with their wives. They were on leave before they got called back so they’re actually rejoining them from my understanding. Harvard’s boyfriend has a yacht, so he’s going out with Yale and Fritz, who are still doing whatever it is the fuck they’re doing. Nat’s visiting her family, and Bob’s tagging along.”
“Tagging? Or being dragged?” Jake interjected, picturing Bob trudging along behind her like a small child.
“Both? It’s just him and his Dad, and his Dad’s stationed out in Guam right now.”
“Ah,” Jake said. “Well, Omaha and Halo are heading out to meet their girlfriends in Paris or something like that.”
“Which leaves us. Here. In San Diego,” Bradley said.
“Yep.”
“You don’t have plans?” Bradley asked before Jake could settle into too much of a funk about how he was stuck.
“Nope,” Jake replied, hoping that Bradley would leave it be. “Hoping to figure something out, haven’t yet. You?”
“Same,” Bradley said, dropping his hand back to the piano and beginning to play something soft that reminded Jake of a few of the Navy balls he had been paraded out to over the years. “Mav’ll be back at some point, so I’m hoping to spend some time with him. We’re talking on the phone, but there’s…a lot to cover. But aside from that, I don’t know. My squad’s over in Japan, and I was never stationed over here, so I don’t really know anyone, and even then. They’re still deployed.”
“Problem with the Navy is all our schedules suck,” Jake said as he leaned back in the chair. “So, all this free time. You could do anything you wanted. What would you wanna do?”
Bradley kept quiet, playing something, his fingers dancing over the keys with an ease that Jake knew came from more practice than just a few songs to impress drunk people in bars. “I dunno,” he said finally. “Not allowed to fly for another two weeks, even commercial, just to be safe, so that kicks a lot of ideas right in the ass.” He sighed and looked up, meeting Jake’s eyes. “You?”
Jake dropped his head back to avoid replying, not willing to admit that he’d already visited a lot of places he wanted to see. One of the perks of semi-regular leave, a job that paid for everything when he was on active duty and no debt to speak of, meant his paychecks just sat, collecting dust and interest until he traveled. He opened his mouth to give some bullshit answer before one of the mugs hanging caught his eye, and he tilted his head, a flash of his childhood on one of the good days, watching TV and seeing happy smiling kids wearing t-shirts with the same logo he was staring at.
“Disneyland,” Jake said finally, lifting his head and smirking at Bradley as the idea came to him. “Never been. It’s not far, right?”
“Not really,” Bradley said as he stopped playing, resting his hands on the keys. “So, go.”
“What?”
“Go, it’s not far. Just drive up and go for the day.”
It was simple, and Jake knew he couldn’t argue with it but the idea of going to a theme park alone didn’t sit right with him and he was asking before his mind caught up. “Come with me.”
“What?”
Bradley’s confusion was clear, and Jake wasn’t surprised.
“I’m not gonna be some thirty-year-old single male creeper at a park made for kids. So come with me,” Jake said, waving a hand at Bradley. “Unless you wanna become a permanent fixture and join these fine folks.”
As if on que, a noise sounded and Jake and Bradley turned to see a man in a suit stand up before stumbling to the front door, clearly drunk. Jimmy was there a second later, helping the man with an ease born of familiarly. Jake turned back to Bradley and raised an eyebrow.
Bradley picked up his beer and downed it before setting it down and meeting Jake’s eyes. “Fuck it. Let’s go to Disneyland.”
Disneyland:
“Christ, this is a lot of people,” Jake said, standing in the middle of the crowd and staring around, feeling a little overwhelmed.
It wasn’t that bases were ghost towns; it was just that bases were organized in their chaos. Not just standing in a crowd. And this was just to get into the park. He looked over at Bradley, face shadowed by the ballcap he was wearing and eyes hidden beneath his aviators. He was dressed the same as Jake. Jeans, a plain T-shirt, and comfortable shoes that they could walk in.
Part of Jake still couldn’t believe that they had actually gone through with it. They had, by unspoken agreement, gone back to their respective assignments to pack and after a quick argument over text messages that, aside from a brief ‘hey, this is me’ Jake had sent when Nat had taken it upon herself to make a group chat at the start of the detachment, were the only texts they had ever sent each other, they decided on the Bronco since it had more space than Jake’s rental sedan. Which was fine by him, he didn’t mind returning it early rather than paying for it.
They had been in Anaheim by eight PM, and Jake had managed to, somehow, find a hotel that had a room available even if Jake had shuddered at the cost and been in bed by ten only to wake up at six-thirty to get tickets and to the gates by seven, as the lovely concierge at the hotel had told them to do. And now, they were here. Standing in a line that filled Jake with a sense of foreboding for what the rest of his day would be like.
“It’s a big park,” Bradley replied, waving a hand behind him. “Two of them.”
Jake peered over Bradley’s shoulder at the other line, for the other park, and wrinkled his nose. “Have you been here before?” he asked, his eyes scanning over families with kids either high on excitement or throwing tantrums at being awake so early.
“I came once when I was with a kid with Mav and my Mom,” Bradley replied as they shuffled forward, the gates clearly opening. “And then with some friends during leave one time. Someone’s ex-girlfriend was a big fan and wanted us all to go.”
“Sounds fun,” Jake said, not sure what else to say.
Bradshaw nodded. “We’re up,” he said before Jake had to think of anything else to say.
Jake turned, seeing it was his turn to enter the park, and he stepped up, flashing the woman a smile as he handed over his ticket and then he was through, stepping into a place he had only seen on TV before. Never in his wildest dreams would he imagine that he’d be here with Bradshaw, of all people. He stared up at the logo front and center, his eyes darting around to the groups taking photos. He shook his head, glancing behind him to see Bradshaw shuffling through the gate and grabbing a map.
“C’mon,” Bradshaw said, walking past him as he shook out the map. “We can figure out where we’re going while we wait for the rope drop.”
“Rope drop?” Jake asked, frowning.
“Yeah, parks not open,” Bradshaw explained.
“What?” Jake demanded, looking around them at the crowd of people all moving deeper into the park.
“Yeah, they let people in early. Don’t know why. I wondered the same thing happened when I came with my friends,” Bradshaw explained as he walked, looking like he knew what he was doing, so Jake followed him.
He could feel himself slowing down as he rounded the corner and stared at the park, knowing how stupid he probably looked. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but the music and the hustle and bustle made it feel like he was in another world, and he didn’t know how he felt about it. He turned, spotting Bradshaw standing to the side, phone out and pointing it at the promenade in front of them.
“Who’s that for?” Jake asked, coming up to stand next to Bradley.
“I like taking photos,” Bradshaw replied, taking a few more before he began walking again.
Jake followed, not sure what to make of the little tidbit of information. He could feel his phone in his back pocket, but he had no urge to pull it out and take photos. He never had. Coyote was long used to the stretches of time where he didn’t hear from Jake, and he had always preferred to talk in person than to talk over the phone. Maria, his ex, had gotten used to it even if it had been something she had cited when they had broken up. She hadn’t appreciated it when Jake pointed out that he had warned her about that.
His head kept swiveling from side to side as he followed Bradshaw down, taking in everything and wondering how people didn’t get overwhelmed. He had spent the past few weeks on a Navy base, training, studying, and flying to try and make it onto the mission. He felt overwhelmed, and he wasn’t sure it was in a good way.
Distracted by the buildings, Jake didn’t notice Bradshaw had stopped walking until he ran into his back, knocking the man forward. He grabbed Bradshaw’s arm and dragged him back before he could fall over. “My bad,” he said once Bradshaw was stable on his feet again.
“No worries,” Bradshaw said, waving it off as he looked back down at his phone before lifting it, turning a little bit until he smiled, clearly taking a selfie with the castle in the background.
“Really?” Jake asked, not bothering to hide the judgment.
“What?” Bradshaw had the temerity to look confused.
“A selfie?”
“So? I’m doing something that doesn’t involve a top-secret Navy exercise. I wanna document it.”
“Why?”
“To share with my friends,” Bradley said, talking slowly as if Jake was being stupid.
“Like, in the group chat?”
“Or Instagram,” Bradley said, shameless as he shrugged again.
“Ah,” Jake said, looking around at the crowd, not really sure what to say to that. He could see other people with their phones out, taking photos in groups or selfies, and he sighed, holding out his hand, figuring he might as well try to be nice since they’d be spending the day together. “Want me to take a photo of you?”
For some reason, that made Bradley beam and hand his phone over, the camera already open. They shifted, and it took a second to take the photo, the castle standing tall in the skies and Jake wondered if they could climb to the top of it and look down. He took a couple of photos, long used to doing this for Beth and Coyote whenever Jake hung out with them, before handing the phone back.
“Thanks, man,” Bradshaw said, looking down at the camera.
“Do you want me to get you both?”
Jake turned, spotting a woman standing there, with bright eyes and a wide smile, a pair of ears on her head for some reason. “What?” he asked, confused about what she was asking.
“Yes,” Bradley said, appearing next to him and handing over the phone to a complete stranger like the nutjob he was before dropping an arm around Jake’s shoulder. “Smile, asshole. We’re having fun.”
“Go fuck yourself,” Jake said, keeping his voice low in deference to the kids, but he did what Bradley asked and smiled, trying to make it look natural and not forced.
“Thanks,” Bradley said, taking the phone back before asking if he could return the favor.
Jake ignored them as he kept gazing around the street, to where he could see the rope cordoned off near the end of the street and various signs and paths, and it all looked confusing. He looked back at Bradley, who had started up a conversation with the group, and he spotted the map sticking out of Bradley’s back pocket and snatched it, opening it up and staring at it, not even sure where he wanted to go. Suddenly, he felt overwhelmed as the crowd pressed in around him, people talking about things he didn’t know, families laughing, and parents trying to calm down exhausted kids. He could see people playing games on their phones and a couple curled around each other. There was a group of women with matching white shirts with the words 'Nik’s Bachelorette Party' written across the back talking to a group of men in matching polo shirts that had 'Nick’s Bachelor Party' written on the breast pocket and laughing about something. He kept looking around, suddenly feeling like this was the worst idea he could’ve had.
He should’ve stayed in San Diego.
“Hey, figured out where we’re going?” Bradshaw asked, appearing next to his side, the phone still in hand, and the woman and her friends talking to each other, two of whom kept shooting glances at them that Jake had seen a dozen times. He ignored them.
“Nope,” he said, shooting Bradley a lazy grin that felt so fake he was surprised it didn’t shatter. “You’re the expert here.”
“Coming twice does not make me an expert.”
“Been more than me,” Jake replied, shrugging as he handed the map over and went back to looking around, his heart beginning to calm down now that there was a known entity standing next to him. He and Bradshaw weren’t friends; he doubted they ever would be, but there was something calming about knowing where he stood with the man. They could get along for a day and then go their own ways tomorrow.
“I remember some roller coaster in the dark that was fun, Space something,” Bradley said, looking down at the map.
Before Jake could reply, someone cleared their throat, and Jake turned, expecting to see the woman from before or her friend, only to find a different woman wearing a bright green ‘Albright Family Reunion’ shirt as she held up a hand to a group of similarly clad people. There had to be a dozen of them, or more, from the amount of bright green t-shirt wearing children running around in excitement.
“Alright, listen up. Here’s the plan,” the woman said with the same air of determination Jake had heard during the debrief right before the Mission. “When we get in, we’re going to go straight for Space Mountain. There will be time for shopping later, so do not get distracted by the shops, and keep an eye on the kids. After Space Mountain, we’re going to do Astro Blasters since it’s a quick on-and-off before crossing back over Main Street to do Indiana Jones. We’ll do Jungle Cruise later when we’re more tired, so we’re going to go past that to hit Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion in quick succession. After that, we’ll take our first food break before we continue back over to do the Matterhorn and Star Tours, and then we’ll regroup from there. Any questions?”
There was a brief grumbling and some questions about bathroom breaks, but no one disagreed. Jake looked back at Bradley and raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side at the group who had moved onto talking about different treats they wanted to buy, all which sounded sugary and amazing. Jake didn’t know what the fuck half of those words meant, but the woman sounded like she knew what she was doing.
Bradley shrugged. “Got a better idea?”
“Nope.”
A cheering started up, and Jake frowned, looking around him before looking over at Bradshaw, who looked just as mystified.
“Alright, people,” Leader Albright said, clapping her hands. “The ropes are down. Let’s go.”
The crowd started to surge, and Jake found himself pulled along with Bradley, who looked a lot more at ease with the group as people started to split off.
“C’mon,” Bradley said, grabbing Jake’s arm and tugging him along with the rest of the crowd.
Jake let himself get pulled, wondering if, for the second time that day, he had made the wrong decision about coming. He was overwhelmed, and the day had just started.
The fact that Hangman was letting Bradley drag him through the park told Bradley everything he needed to know about how overwhelmed the man felt. Bradley understood that there was a press of people around them that was slowly beginning to fade as people streamed into different parts of the parks, but Bradley kept his eyes on the bright green shirts of the family, who seemed to know what they were doing. It was easier to focus on the people and not on how many people were around him or how it made him flash back to the Mission, the crowd surging around him and Mav after they landed. Most of them didn’t know what had happened, but they weren’t stupid and could read between the lines.
Bradley was fast getting used to waking up from nightmares of fire and a distorted voice telling him it was too late. Thankfully, the lingering fear never lasted long, and Bradley could go back to restless sleep.
The group they were following turned, and Bradley followed them, glancing behind him to see Hangman staring around, his arm still held in Bradley’s grip. “You with me?” Bradley asked, letting go of Hangman’s arm.
Hangman frowned. “What?” he asked, looking back at Bradley before nodding his head. “Right, yeah. Right behind you, Rooster.”
“Alright,” Bradley said as he kept walking, figuring Jake would follow him, and if not, well, they had each other's numbers, and it wasn’t like they were friends. They were just coworkers who, through shit luck, had ended up with no plans while the people in their lives went off and did their own things.
The family they were following came to a stop, and it took Bradley a second to realize they were standing in a line. He looked at Hangman, who suddenly looked deeply unimpressed as people started crowding up behind them. With his arms crossed and mouth in a straight line, he looked like he was two seconds from snapping at someone, and Bradley had a lot of first-hand knowledge of Hangman’s snark when he felt like it.
But it wasn’t like there was anything he could do. Turning his head, watching the crowd, Bradley spotted another ride that the woman had mentioned. He nudged Hangman. “Wanna do that first? No line, it seems?”
Hangman turned his head and shrugged. “Better than standing in this line.”
Without speaking, they both shifted out and moved towards the other line, the proud name of Astro Blasters sitting over the entrance. “What is this, anyway?” Hangman asked.
“Some sort of shooting game,” Bradley explained. “Gotta hit the targets. You compete against the person on the ride with you.”
“Compete, you say?” Hangman asked, turning a sly smile that looked better than the barely concealed panic did.
Bradley smiled back and let that do all the talking for him.
The way Hangman was scowling at him as they stared at the flashing lights of their scores was a balm to Bradley’s soul. One hundred and ten thousand to a mere eighty thousand. “It’s okay to lose, you know that, right?” Bradley asked, taking a risk and nudging Hangman in the side.
“It’s my first time playing,” Hangman shot back as if that was the only reason Bradley had beaten him. “Best two out of three?”
“Really, dude?”
“It’s okay if you don’t think you can win,” Hangman said, shooting Bradley a smile that had gotten them into a fight or ten over the years. He had had more than one therapist over the years, starting from thirteen and all the way up until two years ago, who had told him he had a tendency not to back down, even when it was the right thing to do.
Bradley frankly thought none of them had ever met Hangman, and once they did, they would understand.
“Fuck you,” Bradley muttered as they got out of the buggy. “Let’s go.”
Hangman smirked at him and followed him as they left the ride and went right back to the entrance. There was a short line, but it moved quickly, and Hangman darted in front of him, taking the seat that Bradley had the first time. He shot him with a raised eyebrow as if daring Bradley to say something. Bradley didn’t, taking the seat next to Hangman as the ride kept moving and then they were in the dark, flashing lights all around him, and Bradley focused, needing to win.
The blinking 167 thousand next to Hangman’s 134 thousand made Bradley grin at the man who was scowling, arms crossed as they waited their turn to be let out of the ride. “Best out of five,” Hangman said.
“Man, don’t be a sore loser,” Bradley said, getting out of the buggy and heading back outside. “The last thing we need to do is spend all day on this ride just because you can’t handle the fact I beat you. Again.”
Hangman was walking a step behind him, but Bradley didn’t pay him any attention. He turned and made his way towards the roller coaster, the line thankfully shorter now. “Not gonna say anything?” he asked, turning and looking behind him to make sure he hadn’t lost Hangman in the slowly growing crowd.
“Nothin’ to say,” Hangman said, smile tight. “Don’t wanna disturb the peace.”
Bradley bit back a sigh as they got into the next line. He pulled out his phone and resigned to spending most of the day on it. He was glad he had brought a power bank just in case he needed it. He opened his text messages, seeing a few group chats he ignored for the moment in favor of opening the one with Mav, shooting off a message and asking how things were going. It was still weird to be talking to him, and it was something he had to actively choose to do because his first instinct, still, was to ignore the text messages.
Not expecting a reply since Mav wouldn't be up before ten unless he was due to fly, Bradley switched over to the chat with Nat, reading through tthem, seeing that she was, unsurprisingly, already fending off hints about marriage from her Mom, especially since she had brought Bob home with her. His reply of ‘Lol, what did you expect?’ got a middle finger emoji almost immediately, and he chuckled, opening up Instagram, committed to doom scrolling as they waited the twenty minutes or so it would take to get to the front.
After about five, he glanced up to see Hangman standing, arms crossed as he looked around them, sunglasses hooked in front of his shirt now and eyes darting from person to person. “What?” Bradley asked, wondering if Hangman had seen something. Or someone they knew.
It wasn’t like he was ashamed to be here with Hangman, but it would come with a whole host of questions he didn’t want to deal with.
Hangman looked at him. “What?”
“You see something?” Bradley clarified.
Shrugging, Hangman leaned back against the railing, looking at ease. “Just people watchin’, nothing to worry about, darlin’.”
It was the third time Hangman had called Bradley darlin’ since they had shown up, and he wanted to ask the man to stop. But, he was also aware enough that if he did ask Hangman to stop all the man would do was do it more. So he kept his mouth shut. “Coyote not awake?”
It was Hangman’s turn to frown. “What?’
Bradley nodded to where he could see the outline of Hangman’s phone in his jeans. “No one to talk to?”
It took a second for the frown to clear before Hangman shook his head. “Nah, nothin’ like that. Never been big on phones.”
That had Bradley locking his phone and sliding it into his pocket, arms crossed. “What does that mean?”
“Didn’t have a cellphone till I was outta the academy,” Hangman explained as if that was a completely normal thing that wasn’t blowing Bradley’s mind. “So, I never got used to usin’ it. Coyote and my friends all know not to expect a lot from me on the texting front. We’ll catch up when we see each other or if I call.”
It was the antithesis of Bradley, who had had a phone since he was ten, mostly so his Mom could let him know who was picking him up on any given day. As a single Mom who worked a full-time job, she often wasn’t able to pick him up from school, even though she made sure to drop him off every single day, even if that meant she had to wake up a little bit earlier. But it meant he wasn’t always sure how he was getting home, and so he had gotten a phone so she could make sure he was safe. Keeping up over the phone had been engrained in him from a young age, and it only got worse as he joined the Navy and was sent around the world.
Not to kiss his own ass, but Bradley was good at keeping in contact with people. He had learned from Mav in a lot of ways, which made the almost two decades-long silence between them worse now that the anger was gone.
“Weird,” was what Bradley settled on saying. Hangman rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. “So you just. Don’t use your phone? For anything? No games, no internet, no Instagram?”
Hangman rolled his eyes again. “I use the internet if I need to look somethin’ up, and I have an Instagram, but only because Javy got sick and tired of not being able to tag me in shit. I’m not big on it. Don’t really see a point in lettin’ people know what I’m doin’ all the time.”
That made a lot of sense. “Ohh,” Bradley started, mouth opening to finish his thought before his brain caught up. “So that’s why you didn’t add anyone back?”
Hangman frowned. “What?”
Cursing himself, Bradley tried to figure out how to explain how, at the start of the detachment, Nat, using skills that Bradley swore she had gotten from a previous life as a PI, found everyone’s Instagram handle and added them all, only for everyone to end up adding everyone else until they were all friends. The j.seresin was the lone holdout, but Bradley hadn’t been surprised, even if he had debated deleting the request but that felt a little bit too much like giving in.
If Hangman didn’t use Instagram, it made more sense why he hadn’t added anyone else. Bradley glanced, seeing they were only halfway through the line, and he wondered if he could get away with not replying, but when he looked back at Hangman, he saw the raised eyebrow. He sighed. “At the start of the detachment, everyone added everyone, but you never did. Figured it was a me thing.”
At least Hangman didn’t laugh at him. “Nah, it’s an everyone thing,” Hangman said before dragging his phone out of his pocket with a sigh. Bradley was surprised to see it was a newer model. He watched as Hangman opened the phone, no password, and took a moment to find the right icon. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered.
Too curious for his own good, Bradley stepped closer so he could see what Hangman was doing. To his surprise, Hangman didn’t pull his phone away and instead kept scrolling down something. It took Bradley a moment to realize it was friend requests, and he snorted. “Popular?” he teased.
“I don’t even know who half these people are,” Hangman said. “Who the fuck is ‘fan shot first’?”
Before he thought about it, Bradley tugged Hangman’s phone out of his pocket and scrolled back to the top, moving his way down the list, adding the different detachment members as he came across them. He tilted the phone to let Hangman see what he was doing before adding them back. He was unsurprised when a series of accepted notifications for those with private accounts scrolled across the top of the screen, Hangman might be an asshole, but he had come through in the end.
“There,” Bradley said, handing the phone back to Hangman. “That’s the Daggers. You’re on your own for the rest of them.”
He shifted back, tugging out his own phone and seeing the little ‘j.seresin has accepted your request’ notification as well as a message from Nat that just said ‘u see Hangman added ppl? wonder why now?’
Bradley just sent her a shrug emoji and looked up at Hangman, who had slid his phone back into his pocket and was back to people-watching. “That’s it?” Bradley asked even as he opened up his own app and went to Hangman’s profile, curiosity getting the better of him.
“What? You think adding a few people is suddenly gonna make me want to use my phone more?” Hangman asked, arms crossed.
Honestly, Bradley hadn’t been sure what to expect, so he shrugged. The conversation died when Hangman just shrugged back and went back to watching people. Bradley watched him for a second before looking down at his phone, at the four photos Hangman had posted.
The first was a selfie of him and Coyote, which Coyote had clearly taken, Hangman in the middle of rolling his eyes. The second was of some bar somewhere that looked vaguely familiar, probably some Navy bar Bradley had been in at some point. The third was of a gorgeous woman with her arms around Hangman’s neck, beaming into the camera. For a split second, he thought it could be Hangman’s ex, but this was the first photo to have a caption. ‘I’m stealing him if you don’t come and get me, @coyoteado, heartemoji beth’. It took Bradley a second longer to realize that it was Dino, but he hadn’t ever seen her out of uniform, so it had taken a second.
The last photo was more recent because Bradley recognized the Hard Deck in the background of the beach. The date was marked the same day as the beach football game in the middle of training. The photo was taken later in the day, long after the football game, and he could see shadows of people backlit by the sun as it set, the ocean sparkling and the sand a warm, burnished gold. There wasn’t a caption, and the photo was tilted awkwardly, like the photos Bradley had first taken when he was younger and still learning how the rule of thirds worked. He was beginning to feel that Hangman hadn’t been lying, and he really didn’t use his phone a lot.
An elbow to his side brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Hangman jerking his head toward one of the workers. “We’re up.”
Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Bradley followed Hangman into the tunnel, and ten minutes later, all thoughts of Hangman’s social media habits were gone as they were whipped through an endless dark. Bradley was almost afraid to raise his hands, but he risked it, feeling air rush past his hands and he didn’t know if it was anything but there was a thrill building in his chest that suddenly made him miss flying like the addict he was.
He was laughing as they jerked to a stop, and even Hangman was chuckling in amusement as Bradley grabbed his hat as they wiggled out of the seats to make way for the next group and followed everyone else up. “Oh, photos,” Bradley said, veering to the side as he remembered the flash that was almost too bright after the darkness.
“Of course there are,” Hangman said, sounding resigned.
It took a second for Bradley to find theirs, and he burst out laughing at the image, both of them with their eyes closed, Bradley’s arms up and mouth open, looking like he was in the middle of being kidnapped by a UFO and Hangman had one hand on his hat and the other gripping the front of the car, mouth twisted into something that could be a smile, or he could be in the middle of a sneeze.
“Lovely,” Hangman said, peering at the photo before shaking his head and walking away.
Bradley spotted a few others taking photos of the photo, so he quickly took one before he jogged to catch up with Hangman, who was peering into a window. “What?” he asked, stopping next to the man.
Hangman nodded. “Debating if Fanboy has this or not already.”
Bradley looked at the window to see a life sized Darth Vader helmet. “You should get it.”
“For Fanboy?” Hangman asked, looking confused.
“No, for you. Since you liked him so much,” Bradley explained.
Hangman wrinkled his nose. “No thanks,” he said before he turned and started walking again. Bradley looked at the helmet and debated it for a moment before he jogged after the man, figuring the very very tenuous truce they had going at the moment wasn’t worth rocking the boat just to be funny.
“Where to next?” Hangman asked, still looking around and taking it all in.
“Uh, Indiana Jones? Since we already did Astro Blasters?”
“You sure about that?” Hangman asked, looking back at him, a smile curling at his mouth.
“Yeah, why?” Bradley asked, hating that he suddenly sounded unsure.
“Because you keep asking questions,” Hangman explained. “You’ve got the map, Bradshaw.”
“Oh, right.” Bradley suddenly felt wrong-footed as he grabbed the map and opened it, looking down and finding where they were before nodding. “Looks like we’re clear across the park,” he said, folding it back up and sticking it into his pocket.
“Of course, it is,” Hangman said before he started walking in the direction they had come from when Bradley had been dragging Hangman. The park was almost more crowded than it had been, but it was different down as the day got later, and Bradley could feel his stomach beginning to rumble.
“You hungry?” Bradley asked as they walked through the park.
“Remember what the woman said? Can’t eat until after the Haunted Mansion, and we’re already running behind,” Hangman said, shooting a smirk at Bradley like it was a competition.
Instead of replying, Bradley just shrugged and kept walking, the two of them weaving their way through people in silence, finally making it to the other side. “Jesus, it’s worse than the mess at dinner on the carriers,” Bradley muttered.
“Definitely worse,” Hangman said, their elbows knocking together as they walked, trying not to get lost in the sudden press of people.
For a moment, it felt like Hangman was going to say something else, but then he went quiet as they made it to Indiana Jones and got in line. Bradley pulled his phone out again, seeing Mav had finally woken up and replied, and he settled for replying to Mav, figuring navigating the landmine riddled path that was his relationship with Mav was easier to deal with than whatever he and Hangman were in the middle of doing.
The sudden urge to rewatch the movies struck Bradley as they exited back into the sun. He looked around to figure out where they were, and he saw a sign for another ride. “Wanna do the Jungle Cruise?”
“That’s later,” Hangman parroted the woman again as he kept walking, weaving through the crowd until he was in a store across the path Bradley followed, pulling out the map as he waited outside, letting Hangman do whatever it was he wanted to do as he figured out where they were. The park wasn’t that big. Bradley did remember that, but there were a lot of people, and the crush around him made him feel like he was constantly lost.
His phone buzzed in his hand, and he looked down to see Nat had sent him a voice note. He ignored it for the moment, knowing it would be another whispered, rambling rant about her Mom she just needed to get out. Mrs. Trace meant well, she just wanted her daughter to be happy. But Nat was an only child, and Mrs. Trace wanted to be a grandmother before she died, to see her daughter married before she died, and for Nat to have a boyfriend before she died. According to Mrs. Trace, she was going to die young before Nat had done anything.
Bradley had always been an equal opportunity kinda guy, preferring people regardless of gender, but he had lied through his teeth the first time Nat had brought him home. Mrs. Trace had taken one look at him, and Bradley could’ve sworn he could see a baby registry forming in her mind. So now, Mrs. Trace was under the impression Bradley was gay and had never been interested in a woman in his life.
“Here.”
Bradley turned, seeing Hangman holding something out to him. It took him a second to realize it was a water bottle and a bag of chips. “What?”
“You said you were hungry; there were some snacks,” Hangman said, waving the handful of things at Bradley.
Bradley took them before Hangman could shake them anymore. “Oh, uh. Thanks,” he said, looking back up at Hangman in time to see him bite down on something with a crunch. “What’s that?”
“Spicy pickle,” Hangman replied, tilting the bottle of water he also had back toward the crowd. “Which way?”
“Spicy pickle?” he asked, ignoring the question.
“A pickle that is spicy. Not that spicy, honestly,” Hangman said, taking another bite with a crunch that Bradley could hear. He tilted it toward Bradley. “Want a bite?”
“No,” Bradley said, shaking his head. “I’m not a pickle person.”
“Of course, you’re not,” Hangman said as if that explained everything about Bradley.
He ignored that and started walking, tugging the bag of chips open, figuring it would be better than nothing since the breakfast sandwich and coffee he had gotten from the hotel kiosk had been a few hours ago. “We’re doing Pirates of the Caribbean next,” Bradley said when Hangman had caught up to him.
“What’s that?” Hangman asked, falling into step next to Bradley, and he steered them toward the line.
“A ride.”
Hangman didn’t rise to the bait. “No, shit. What sort of ride?”
“A boat ride,” Bradley said, nudging Hangman into the line.
For some reason, Hangman’s shoulders suddenly bunched up. “What?”
“A boat ride,” Bradley repeated, frowning at Hangman’s back.
“Oh.”
There was something in the tone of Hangman’s voice that had Bradley on edge for a moment before Hangman turned and shot him a smile. “Sounds fun.”
“It is. They made the movie after it,” Bradley explained, remembering that tidbit of information from when he was there with some friends.
“Awesome,” Hangman said, voice a little colder than it had been.
Bradley went quiet, not sure what he had said and not wanting to rock the boat. He settled for eating the chips as they stood in silence before Bradley downed the water bottle and refilled it from a water fountain they had passed.
Hangman’s face got tighter as they got inside, and a toothpick had appeared from somewhere. He was flipping it around in his mouth, hands deep in his pockets as they shuffled closer to the front of the line. He opened his mouth a few times to ask what was wrong but closed it each time, settling for watching the people already on the ride, the happy smiles and conversation as people laughed.
Being there, in Disneyland was better than being at the Hard Deck, stuck in San Diego alone because of bad luck. But he kind of wished he was with someone he was actually friends with, to be able to talk to them instead of constantly trying to say the right thing so it didn’t start an argument. Hangman wouldn’t have been his first choice. Bradley instantly felt bad as soon as he thought it, and he looked over at the man to see him staring at the ground, hands deep in his pockets, looking like he was about to fall over he was so hunched.
“Are you—”
“—how many?” a worker asked before Bradley could finish speaking.
“Two,” Hangman replied, voice tight.
“Row six, right here,” she said, waving them to stand in another line for the back of the boat.
“You good, man?”
The doors opened.
“Fine,” Hangman muttered before he walked through the gates and got onto the boat, sitting almost in the middle of the bench seat.
Bradley sat down next to him, debating if he wanted to ask Hangman to shift over, but he settled for keeping quiet as the gates closed. The boat jerked forward and sunk into the water. Bradley hadn’t turned away from Hangman, so he was able to see the way Hangman’s nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply, his eyes squeezing shut and shoulders hunching for a second.
Realization struck Bradley like a blow between the eyes. “Dude.” He couldn’t keep the judgment out of his voice.
“Shut. Up. Rooster,” Hangman said through gritted teeth.
“You’re in the fucking Navy,” Bradley said, incredulous, sure he had read this wrong. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of water.”
“Not water, Rooster,” Hangman muttered. “Boats.”
“We spend months on a carrier!”
“A carrier is a little different than this little dinghy,” Hangman shot back, eyes opening as he turned to glare at Bradley.
“We’re on a ride in Disneyland.”
"Just, shut up,” Hangman said, eyes closing again as he kept his chin tucked against his chest.
Bradley thought about saying something else, but he settled for watching the ride, wondering if he should let Hangman know about the drops on the ride. He decided against it.
He had never claimed to be a saint, and Hangman’s scream during the first drop would stay with him for a long, long time.
“Come on, you’re fine,” Bradley said, nudging Hangman to the side, in the direction of a roller coaster he could see, figuring that would be better than the Jungle Cruise or Haunted Mansion because Hangman could see the ride.
Hangman’s body was tense, his hands deep in his pockets and mouth pulled down into a frown. Bradley couldn’t make out his expression with his sunglasses and hat on his face, but he had a feeling that it was somewhere between pissed off and scared, neither of which boded well, and the last thing Bradley wanted to do was get into an argument with Hangman in the middle of Disneyland. He wasn’t looking to get banned for fist-fighting.
“Just, shut up,” Hangman muttered, but he let Bradley push him into the line, his shoulders loosening the further they got from the water ride.
Bradley had a sudden urge to go on all the water rides, just to be a dick but he pushed that away, knowing that he needed to keep the peace until he dropped Hangman off at his place. He looked around as they shuffled through the line, finally spotting a sign with the wait time and sighed, settling in for an hour.
“Why did you join the Navy if you don’t like boats?” Bradley asked, looking back at Hangman, doing his best to keep the judgment out of his voice but it was hard. “I figure everyone knows why I joined by now.” He offered the info up like an olive branch, even as small as it was. He wanted to try.
Hangman was silent as they shuffled forward a few times before he sighed. “Because it was the only recruitment office open when I went looking.”
That got Bradley’s eyebrows up. “What?”
Hangman shrugged. “Needed a way to pay for college; enlisting seemed like a good idea with the GI bill.”
“You went to the academy?” Bradley asked, confused. The academy was for people who knew what they wanted and had worked for it.
“Yeah,” Hangman said, looking off to the side. “I tried to join when I was sixteen.”
There was a story there, but Bradley knew better than to ask about family, they weren’t that kind of friends. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Got denied really quickly, but the guy was nice enough to give me a bunch of brochures to look through and think about until I turned eighteen, one of them talked about the academy, and I researched more into it and realized that if I could get in, then I could get college paid for, and a guaranteed job. So, I worked my ass off to get a spot ,and I did,” Hangman said, shrugging. “I kissed so much ass to get a spot working with my local rep the summer before Senior year to get the required recommendation it’s not even funny. But it helped me in a lot more ways than I ever thought.”
“Oh,” Bradley said, frowning. “And flying?”
That got Hangman to actually smile. “First time I ever flew was when I flew up to Maryland for school. Fuck, I got up in the clouds, and I never wanted to come down again. Did more research during my first year and decided to focus on getting into flight school, which turned into fighter jets, and I was hooked.”
“Oh,” Bradley said, a little dumbfounded.
He had always thought that Hangman was someone who knew he had wanted to fly since he was a kid, like he had been. Bradley had wanted it ever since he had watched Mav fly, and spending time around pilots as they talked about their, what he know knew to be highly sanitized, missions, he wanted it even more. And every time he was up, he still felt that same thrill he had the first time he had flown.
“Well, you’re good at it,” he said when he realized the silence had lasted a little long, not sure what else to say.
The sky was blue, the grass was green, Hangman was a good pilot. There was no denying that. But what surprised him was that Hangman hadn’t grown up dreaming of flying. He flew like the sort of person who knew he was born to be there, or maybe, like Bradley, he was up there to get away from his demons.
Hangman looked surprised. “Thanks.”
Bradley nodded, not really sure what to ask. He and Hangman had had a long history, and sometimes, Bradley didn’t know what to say without it turning into a fight. He shoved his hands in his pockets and toyed with the edge of his phone, debating pulling it out and seeing if he had any texts. Or more voice memos from Nat as she slowly descended into insanity.
“Could be worse,” Hangman said when the silence had stretched and the line kept moving.
“How?” Bradley asked, frowning at Hangman.
Hangman grinned. “Could be Air Force.”
That made Bradley snort and shake his head. “Would be land-based.”
“Not sure if that is a perk or not,” Hangman mused as they kept shifting, the tension from before gone. “Wonder if their G-forces training is as fun.”
“Fun?” Bradley demanded, staring at Jake with wide eyes. “What in the fuck was fun about that?”
Hangman chuckled. “I fuckin’ love it, man.” He shook his head. “Your whole body is fighting against gravity, you can feel your heart trying to beat faster, your blood is pumping and there’s these moments when time seems to stand still, you weigh so much more than you ever did before and you have to wonder if that’s what Atlas felt like, right? Holding the weight of the world? And then it’s all gone a split second later, and you can breathe again.”
Hangman paused and shrugged. “Bein’ up there, in the skies when we’re pulling g’s? There’s nothing like it. You can kinda get it down on Earth with some rides, especially the spinning rides, but it’s not the same.”
There was a wistfulness in Hangman’s voice that got to Bradley, and he suddenly missed flying more than he expected considering he had gotten shot down not that long ago. But there was an honesty to Hangman’s voice, more honest than the man had ever been with Bradley, and he felt like he needed to say something in return. “It surprises most people, but I actually like ejection training.”
Hangman, naturally, looked surprised. Most people did when Bradley told them, especially if they knew about his Dad. “Really?”
Nodding, Bradley shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, feeling awkward, but he had offered it up, and he needed to finish it. “Yeah. It was a constant reminder that my Dad’s accident was nothing more than an accident. Don’t get me wrong, first time I ejected I cried, and my instructor was nice enough to let it slide since how my Dad died was in my file, but uh, each time I’ve ejected and it’s been fine it’s just a reminder that it’s bad fucking luck, and that in a lot of ways was good for me.”
He fell silent, half expecting Hangman to prod and ask why. Most people did, wanting to know why ejecting was good for him, but he settled for nodding. “Makes sense,” Hangman said, sounding as if it did make sense to him. Bradley wondered if it made sense or if Hangman was just being nice to him.
Bradley had never struggled to make friends; he knew how to talk to people and how to keep the conversation going, but Hangman had always been different. Bradley was getting the feeling that Hangman was the sort of person who chose their words carefully and didn’t speak most of the time without thinking. He wondered if Hangman was always like that. Or if around people he knew and liked, he would open up and let the conversation flow. It made the silences more noticeable in Bradley’s mind, especially when he struggled to fill them.
“You know there’s a spinny ride here,” Bradley offered up.
Hangman raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’ll make sure we hit it.”
“Sounds good to me.”
More silence, and Bradley cleared his throat. “So…I’m guessing we’re not going on It’s A Small World?”
By some grace of God, they had gotten seated at the first restaurant in the park they had come across two hours after lunch, and Bradley’s stomach reminded him how hungry he was. Hungry and tired from walking, standing in lines, and keeping up awkward-ish small talk with Hangman. It was going well, better than it ever had before if Bradley was being honest with himself, but it was still awkward. There were pauses from both of them as they thought of the right thing to say and not just go for the thing that would spark an argument. But they were doing well enough that Bradley almost wanted to pull out his phone and text Nat about it, but he wasn’t going to for two reasons.
The first being he still didn’t want to explain to her how he had ended up in fucking Disneyland, of all places, with Hangman. The second was ever since he had noticed Hangman didn’t pull his phone out, unlike pretty much everyone Bradley could see around them, Bradley was more self-conscious of how much time he spent on his. But he was used to being on his phone. He had spent so much time traveling that it was how he kept in contact with everyone. His fingers were itching to drag it out and see if Mav had replied, or if Nat had sent something else, a message in one of the various group chats. It was easier to do that sort of thing when someone else at the table was doing that, but Bradley felt rude being on his phone when Hangman wasn’t.
Hangman didn’t look bothered, the menu lying flat in front of them as they waited for the waitress to come back with their drinks, his face turned towards the crowd passing as he people watched, at ease in the world. As he watched, Hangman’s mouth curled into a smile that could only mean trouble.
“Would it make you feel better if I pulled out my phone?” he asked, turning back to Bradley and looking at him over the top of his glasses, green eyes made brighter by the early afternoon light.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Bradley said, leaning back in the chair, trying to look relaxed.
“You keep going for your pocket,” Hangman replied, matching Bradley's pose.
“Watching me?” Bradley asked, aiming to antagonize rather than admit to the twitch.
In response, Hangman pushed his glasses up to rest in his hair and gave Bradley a slow once over that almost had him squirming in his seat before he shrugged. “I’m observant, don’t tell me you’re not?”
“What do you even do?” he blurted out. “Like, normally?”
Six months ago, if asked, Bradley would have assumed all Hangman did was stare at a mirror and take selfies as a way to hype himself up even more, not than his ego needed it. But Bradley had changed a lot in the last few months, especially in the last few weeks.
“Read, hang out with friends, go hiking, running, work out classes are fun. Museums if I can get enough time to spend a day there. There’s a whole lot of shit to do that doesn’t involve my phone,” Hangman replied, shrugging. “We spend months cooped up on a carrier, you think I get back to dry land and want to spend hours on my couch, cooped up and staring at my phone?”
That was exactly what Bradley wanted to do because it meant he would finally have some alone time. “What kind of books?”
“Whatever strikes my fancy,” Hangman said. “Right now, I’m reading a book about the history of evolution and how a lot of people’s work helped shape Darwin’s ideas, even though he’s credited with the concept. It follows how the idea changed over time and was built upon previous research, and will continue to change as we learn more.”
That wasn’t what Bradley had been expecting; maybe something about the history of baseball or some random Texas battle. “Is it good?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.
“I like it so far,” Hangman admitted before he smiled. “If it makes you feel better the last book, I read was about a woman who falls in love with a vampire, and they basically fuck for the whole book.”
“Why?”
“Beth recommended it, and Javy doesn’t read as much as I do, so we’re reading buddies,” Hangman explained.
“Oh.”
“You a big reader, Bradshaw?”
Thinking of the pile of books he had picked up with the intention to start sitting back at his place, Bradley shook his head. “I try, but it never works out for me.”
“Fair.”
The waitress arrived, and they ordered, the silence falling back around them as she left. Hangman watched him before rolling his eyes and pulling out his phone, waving it at Bradley before opening it. Bradley stayed where he was, determined not to check his phone before he felt his buzz and he huffed, irritated at himself, and more irritated that he felt bad even though he knew he shouldn’t. He tugged it out, seeing the notifications, and he ignored most of them; seeing another voice memo from Nat, as well as a text from Bob that he opened since it was rare enough, he worried.
Bob: Nat’s going crazy? I think?
Me: Just smile and nod. It’s all you can do. She loves her Mom, but they drive each other crazy.
Bob: Oh. Yay.
Hangman huffed, and Bradley looked up. “What?”
“Javy thinks I’m sick,” Hangman explained, tilting his phone without a care in the world to show Bradley. He read the messages on the screen.
Javy: Remember you can only check out three books a week.
Javy: tell me if you find any good cafes, I don’t like the last one they got rid of oat milk, and you know I don’t do well with dairy
Javy: Mom and Dad say hi
Javy: Beth has been telling me about the new book she’s reading
Javy: im-in-danger.gif
Me: You’re fine
Javy: …dude are you dying? You texted me yesterday!
Me: I can’t text my best friend two days in a row?
Javy: NO
Javy: DO YOU NEED BAIL MONEY?
Javy: ARE YOU DYING???
Me: I’m fine. Relax. How’s the wedding?
Javy: watching-you-wazowski.gif
Javy: the weddings fine, rehearsal today. Maria looks horrible
Me: No, she doesn’t.
Bradley leaned back, looking at Jake. “Maria’s the ex?” he asked, amused at Coyote’s constant texting.
Hangman seemed like the type who would reply to everything someone sent them, Bradley wondered if he replied with numbers or bullet points.
“One and the same,” Hangman said, pulling his phone back, frowning at it for a moment as he scrolled before he turned it back to Bradley.
It was a photo of Hangman and a pretty woman. Hangman was in his whites, and the woman was in a dark blue dress, no doubt at one of the balls they all got subjected to at some point in their careers. Hangman was younger, the angles of his face a little less sharp but his eyes were still intense, but there was a deep joy in his face, a joy that matched Maria’s. He wondered at what point Maria had stopped wanting to be a Navy wife.
“You guys looked good,” Bradley said, not sure what else to say.
“We were. This was about a year before we split,” Hangman said, closing his phone and shoving it back into his pocket. “About three months before I got deployed and five months before she met Donald.”
“…Donald?”
“Yep.”
Bradley wasn’t entirely sure what expression his face was making, but it made Hangman chuckle and shrug. “I’m fine.”
The ‘are you’ was on the tip of his tongue, because Bradley knew he wouldn’t be okay with what had happened, but the waitress reappeared with their food and the moment was lost.
Bradley had been exhausted before; you didn’t do what they did and did not end up knowing what exhaustion felt like and how to work through it. But this felt different. His feet hurt, and he could still feel his teeth trying to stick together from the caramel apple he had eaten while he and Hangman watched the fireworks, Bradley flinching with each boom until Hangman grabbed his elbow, holding him tightly, keeping him grounded, and when it was over, he dropped it, and they hadn’t talked about it.
He had gotten Hangman on It’s A Small World, with the promise of no drops, and the song had been stuck in his head ever since, and he had found himself humming it as they waited in a few more lines. He wanted to sleep, but he also felt wired, like his body wasn’t quite sure what to do.
It was late, and they had been told by the worker manning the ride that this was going to be the last chance since the park was about to close. Their knees were pressed together, trying their best to fit two grown men into a ride made for children as Bradley spun them faster and faster, the lights flashing behind Hangman as he leaned his head back, staring up at the sky, arms stretched wide over the rim of the teacup as he laughed breathlessly.
It was, perhaps, the first time he had seen Hangman smile like that, wide and unabashed as he lifted his head, meeting Bradley’s eyes before he leaned forward, grabbing the small table and helping Bradley spin, both of them trying to go faster and faster, and he could feel his body being pushed back as the world around them spun faster, flashes of people and rides as the night wound down but all Bradley could do was meet Hangman’s eyes and grin back before he let go, leaning back and tilting his head back, staring at the lights until he almost felt dizzy.
He could feel the ride slowing down, and he felt disappointed as it slowly came to a stop. He lifted his head to see Hangman shaking his head, his smile still wide, splitting his face open and showcasing nothing but joy and happiness, and it was a good look on him, making it hard for Bradley to look away. It took a moment for them to get out, their legs tangled in the small confines, but they finally did and made their way to the exit, the announcement for the park losing echoing around them.
He kept silent, following behind Hangman as they made their way to the castle, joining the rest of the late-night denizens of the park as they started the final walk back to the hotel, the promise of a bed as tempting as a siren on the sea. Hangman had bought a sweater in deference to the cooler night, something gray and simple, but it hung from his shoulders and looked comfortable, the sort of soft that normally only came from years of wear. He had gotten Bradley a shirt despite his protests, a Hawaiian shirt with small Mickey heads all over it that had made Hangman laugh until he was gasping for air. It was tucked into Bradley’s back pocket, a constant reminder that it was there, still not sure how he felt about Jake buying him a shirt.
“Today was fun,” Bradley admitted as they made their way back to Main Street, feeling like he was in a weird alternate universe where he and Hangman might have been friends once upon a time.
“It was, wasn’t it?” Hangman mused, tone knowing but where before it would’ve irritated Bradley, hearing a mocking tone even if there hadn’t been one, but it was different now.
They were different; it felt like something had changed, and this was the start of something new.
Hangman glanced over his shoulder, backlit by the twinkling lights of Main Street, a smile on his face, cheeks rosy from being in the sun all day, and he looked soft like this, a thought once impossible for Bradley to comprehend, but he felt struck by lightning at the image of Hangman as human. He wished he had thought to bring his camera, tucked into his bag back at the motel, just to capture that moment.
“It was a good idea, wasn’t it?” Hangman asked, slowing down until Bradley was walking next to him.
“It was, but don’t let it go to your head,” Bradley said, knowing nothing would stave off the inevitable smugness, but he wanted to try anyway.
“No promises,” Hangman said, knocking their shoulders together.
Bradley knocked Hangman’s back. “That’s all I can ask.”
Chapter Text
It was pitch black when Jake woke up, but when he lifted his head, he could see the clock reading just past nine in the morning. He groaned, rolling to his back and rubbing his hands over his face before sitting up, scrubbing a hand through his hair and yawning as he shook his head, feeling how sore and stiff his body was from the all-day walking from the day before. But it had been the sort of fun that made the exhaustion worth it. He looked over to the other bed, seeing Rooster still snoring away, face buried in a pillow and covered by a blanket so all Jake could make out was a mass of hair, stark against the crisp white of the pillow.
Pulling his knees up, he leaned forward, curling hands around the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders, feeling the stretch and he knew he needed to get up and start moving before he locked up for the day. With a sigh, he stood, stretching again before shuffling to the bathroom.
Washing his hands, he stared at himself in the mirror, seeing the sunburn across his face that would hopefully fade in a day or two. He yawned again, shaking himself before moving back to the small room he shared with Rooster and dropped down, beginning to go through the daily stretches he had started doing when he had found his back locking up more and more from spending the day in a cockpit. He was getting older, yes, but he was going to do everything he could to keep that at bay.
He settled into the routine he knew well by now, feeling the tightness in his hips and back loosen as he kept moving, doing his best to keep the noise down so he didn’t wake Rooster. He knew they would need to pack up and head out soon, even though Jake had managed to get a late checkout. But they still had to drive to San Diego, something Jake, if he was being honest with himself, wasn’t looking forward to. There was nothing for him to do there, and part of him wondered if he should just drive back to Lemoore and go back on duty, saving the leave for some other time. But he doubted the Navy would let him do that; they’d probably just cancel the rest of it, and he’d lose it forever.
“What are you doing?”
Jake settled into a high lunge, feeling the tightness finally relax, and he had to fight letting out a groan of satisfaction. “Stretching,” he said, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice.
“It’s early,” Rooster said, sounding put out.
Jake looked up as he twisted, feeling his lower back stretch and snorted at the sight of Rooster, sitting up, blankets wrapped around him so only the top half of his head was visible even in the low light. “It’s after nine,” he replied, nodding to the curtains. “They’re blackout.”
Rooster made an offended noise before lying back down. Jake ignored him as he switched sides, half-expecting Rooster to go back to sleep, but there was a clatter, and some more light filled the room, and the sound of Rooster tapping on his phone filled the room. Oddly, the sound was comforting as Jake finished up his stretches and stood, hands reaching towards the ceiling as he bent back, wriggling to get the last of the tension out of his body before he dropped his arms down with a sigh of satisfaction, turning and spotting Rooster staring at him.
“What?”
“You do that every day?” Rooster asked, sitting back up, dropping his phone onto the bed, and pulling the blankets tighter around him.
“Yeah,” Jake replied as he walked back to his bed and grabbed his duffel, beginning to search through it to find his toiletries. “Not getting any younger, Rooster. I wanna make sure I can still walk in my sixties.”
Jake watched as Rooster wriggled out of his blankets with a huff and shuffled to the bathroom, the door closing behind him. He shook his head, grabbing the things he would need for the day before flipping on the light and dropping back onto the bed, grabbing his phone and opening it up, beginning to scroll through the notes he kept about places he wanted to visit, wondering if it would be worth it to have Rooster drop him at the airport and he could see if he could figure something out. It was better than going back to the empty house the Navy had given him, knowing that, normally, he would be off somewhere having fun with Javy and Beth, except for a wedding that, once upon a time, had almost been his.
The door reopened, and Rooster stumbled back out, looking more awake but still not entirely. Jake didn’t even bother to hide the smile as he dropped his phone to the bed and stood up, grabbing his stuff to take a shower.
“As soon as we’re ready we can go and get breakfast, coffee?” Jake offered, pausing in the doorway to look over in time to see Rooster collapse back onto the bed. “We’re not in a rush, but I could use something to eat.”
Rooster made a noise that Jake took as agreement before shutting the door to get ready.
Jake was pretty sure if Rooster could’ve grabbed the pot of coffee from the waitress and drunk the entire thing, he would’ve. Instead, she had left it on the table with a barely hidden smile, no doubt used to the antics of people who had just spent the previous day walking more than was probably advisable. He pulled his cup closer and took a sip, humming happily at the slightly burnt flavor he had gotten used to growing up. To most, it was shitty coffee, but for Jake, who had spent most of his teenage years working at a donut shop before school, it tasted right.
“You’re one of those assholes that likes the early shift, aren’t you?” Rooster asked, head propped up on one fist, hair a little more constrained after his shower, but it was a far cry from the perfected gelled look Jake was used to seeing.
“How’d you get Rooster?” Jake asked, taking another sip of his coffee and looking up at Rooster, who shrugged.
Bradley waved a hand at his head. “Hair’s a mess in the morning.”
Jake thought of the epic bedhead and nodded. “That makes sense,” Jake said. “And yeah, I like the mornings. Always have.”
Rooster made a disgusted noise and poured more coffee into his cup before adding creamer and more sugar and settling back, sipping at it. Jake watched him for a second before shaking his head and looking around the small diner they had found right by the hotel, taking in the people, most of them going to the parks if the shirts and running shoes were any indication. He could see children, excited, and parents already tired. And more than one of them was communing with their coffee the same way Rooster was doing. It was peaceful, the sort of place Jake loved because he never felt like he had to perform.
“Are Halo and Omaha dating the same person?” Rooster asked suddenly.
Jake turned to see Rooster staring at his phone with a frown. “What?”
Rooster turned his phone around and showed Jake a photo of Omaha and Halo with their girlfriends, the Eiffel Tower in the background. He really needed to text Halo and see if she liked the restaurant; he had recommended that he had found it when he was stationed in Germany and spent any time off traveling around the rest of Europe, even if it was just for a day or two.
Jake shook his head. “They’re twins,” he explained, leaning back.
“They’re dating twins?” Rooster asked, looking back down at his phone with an incredulous look.
“Yeah, Ashley and Stacy. Ashley with Omaha, and Stacy with Halo.”
Rooster’s frown deepened. “Alright then,” he said finally, his face clearing as he kept scrolling on his phone.
Jake grinned, knowing he had had the same response when he had met them a few months ago, and it was just as funny to see it on other people’s faces. Bradley suddenly frowned at his screen and set his coffee down, beginning to type on the phone fast enough Jake couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, impressed with the speed. He bit back a comment about how Rooster was missing his calling working in an office and instead watched as his frown deepened enough Jake started to get worried.
“Something wrong?” he asked, half wondering if he needed to pull out his phone and see if they had just gotten recalled for something.
“What?” Rooster asked, looking up. “Oh, no. Well. Yeah, Nat’s just having another disagreement with her Mom. It’s fine. They're basically the same person, so they get along fine, but they're also stubborn as hell, so they can get into arguments sometimes; Bob’s caught in the middle.”
“Ah,” Jake said, leaning back as Rooster went back to his phone, typing, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.
Jake watched him for a second, the slight furrow between his eyebrows, and wondered if this was all Rooster did when he had downtime. Text people. He knew their job was difficult with the travel, the deployments, and everything in between, but it still felt isolating to Jake to talk to his friends only through text. Javy called him a boomer for it, but Beth thought it was cute and didn’t mind when Jake called her to catch up.
The diner was beginning to clear out, and Jake couldn’t fall back on people watching. He wished he had grabbed his book from his bag, which was currently stashed in the back of Bradley’s car. Sighing, he gave into the inevitable and pulled out his phone, going back to the list of places and wondering if any of the places would be worth a last-minute trip. He had the money to be able to do it, and he had never had trouble with planning as he went, but right then, the idea of traveling outside of the country made his skin crawl for reasons he couldn’t figure out and so he opened up the weekend trip idea list he made for when he was in Lemoore.
Their food came as Jake was in the middle of scrolling down, ignoring the ones further North because there was no point in that when he didn’t have a car and didn't feel like renting again. He thanked the waitress and moved to put his phone away, one of the places catching his attention and he tilted his head to the side. It could be fun for the afternoon; get Bradshaw to drop him off and then figure it out from there.
He shoved the phone back into his pocket, resolving to ask Rooster after they finished eating because Jake was hungry and the food smelled good.
Full of diner pancakes and coffee, Jake settled into the passenger seat of Rooster’s Bronco with a sigh, relaxing back into the seat and knowing he needed to ask Rooster and that it would be fine. If Rooster said no, he could Uber over or figure something else out. It wouldn’t be the first time he had to make his way across a city he didn’t know that well. He rolled his head to the side, watching as Rooster scrolled on his phone, sunglasses pushing his hair back as he looked for something on his phone, or answered another message.
Closing his eyes, Jake took a deep breath and opened his eyes, Javy’s voice in his mind reminding him that it was okay to ask for a favor, even if the answer was no. It was still fine. “Hey, Rooster,” he said, cringing when he heard how awkward he sounded.
Thankfully, Rooster didn’t seem to notice as he lifted his head and looked at Jake, eyes wide for a second before he jerked his chin up. “Yeah?”
“It’d kind of out of the way to get back to San Diego, but would you mind dropping me off in Long Beach?” Jake asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant like it wouldn’t matter, but Jake was well aware of how awkward the ask was, especially considering they had just started getting along for the first time since the first time they had gotten stationed together and had butted heads almost instantly.
If pressed, Jake was sure he could come up with a reason, but he would never know if it was the real reason. That was lost to time and years of other barely concealed barbs aimed at hurting the most. They were as bad as each other.
“Yeah,” Rooster said, quicker than Jake had expected. “How come you don't wanna go back to San Diego?”
That was something Jake would rather not get into, but he figured if Bradshaw was going to drive him across LA, he might as well give some sort of answer. “I’ve always wanted to go and see the RMS Queen Mary, and since I’ve got no other plans, I figure I might as well since I’m sort of in the general area.”
Rooster’s eyebrows went up, before he shrugged, either uncaring or feeling the same pressure to get along while contained in a small space as Jake did. Disneyland had almost been easier; they had been doing things, there had been enough other things going on that conversation was easy to let slide, and the drive up had been quick but silent as Jake searched for a hotel and found one. It felt like something new today, delicate, but Jake had never been good with delicate. So, he figured silence was better.
“Alright,” Rooster said, hooking his phone onto the holder and typing something in, directions showing up a second later as some song Jake had heard a thousand times in different Navy bars around the world started playing. On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha….
The car started and Rooster pulled away from the small diner as Jake turned his head, looking out the window as they passed the entrance to Disneyland and he felt a chapter in his life had just closed, finally letting him turn the page and move on from the memories of watching happy families on the TV all going to the park, wishing that that had been his family instead of the silence unless necessary he had grown up in.
“What are you going to do after the Queen Mary?” Rooster asked as they cruised down the highway, somehow not hitting any traffic. A thought that made Jake want to rap his knuckles on wood, but he settled for hitting his knee instead.
Jake shrugged. “Hadn’t thought that far,” he said, looking over at Rooster, one hand resting on the steering wheel, leaning an elbow against the armrest. “I don’t have a car, so I’m limited in options, but there’s a lot to do in the area so I’ll figure it out.”
“Just like that?” Rooster asked, glancing over at him before looking back to the road.
“Just like that,” Jake repeated, before deciding to throw Rooster a bone. “I try to travel whenever I have leave, but I usually have advance notice of leave. I’ve got some stuff I’ve wanted to do in LA whenever I have time off when I’m stationed at Lemoore, figure I might as well scratch a few of them off.”
Rooster nodded. “I sometimes did that when I was on the East Coast, grab a friend or two and just drive to some random ass town and see what was happening.” He tilted his head to the side. “How did you plan to get to LA from Lemoore if you don’t have a car?”
“Rental,” Jake explained.
Rooster nodded again. “…why don’t you have a car?” he asked hesitantly.
Jake smiled, looking out the window at the same highway that existed everywhere in the US. Long, boring, flat, and filled with people and trash littering the edges, the actual city protected behind concrete barriers. A modern-day wall to stop the invading army.
“Never needed one,” Jake explained. “I was in Germany for a long time, and you can get around everywhere in Europe without a car. I got transferred back to the US, and most of the time, I’m on base, or I can bum a ride from someone else. And don’t want to really have to deal with storing it, or making sure it’s fine whenever I’m deployed on a carrier.”
The silence lingered for a moment, and Jake tensed, half expecting Rooster to ask about family, but thankfully he just huffed. “Considering how much I pay to store this whenever I’m out of town, I get that.”
“A lot?”
Rooster groaned and nodded. “Yeah, especially when I was on the East Coast because I never wanted the engine to freeze up from sitting for so long. It’s a vintage car, so I had to find someone who could take care of it without causing any issues. Cost a fortune, but it was worth it.”
“If you think it is,” Jake agreed. “Personally, I’d rather save the money and spend it on a nice hotel.”
“All inclusive paid resort?” Rooster asked, as he took an exit, changing to a new freeway that looked exactly the same.
“Sometimes,” Jake conceded. “Most of the time, I like something nice and close to where I’m going to be exploring. Walking distance or close to a transport hub. I like local smaller places, but I also don’t mind staying in a chain, it depends on where I am and how much time I’m going to be in a hotel.”
Rooster was silent long enough Jake looked back out the window, figuring the conversation was done, but then he spoke again. “You really think about this.”
“If I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it right,” Jake replied.
It was one of his core beliefs, the idea that something worth doing was worth doing well. It was why he always gave it his all and wanted to be the best, because he enjoyed the accomplishment, the knowledge that he had been competing against some of the best, and he had come out on top. That he was worth something; it was why, even though the mission had finished and he had helped, but not being chosen rankled. Jake wasn’t so delusional to believe that he would’ve made it all sunshine and roses, not with how difficult it was, but he knew for a fact he would’ve succeeded. Failure was not an option.
“Your modus operandi,” Rooster replied, dryly. There was a hint of teasing in his voice, but also something else that Jake let slide off his back for the moment. No point antagonizing his ride.
“Yep,” Jake said, watching the cars they passed, letting the conversation go, not really sure what else he could say.
The RMS Queen Mary looked just like the photos Jake had seen online. He had seen people talk about her sheer size, but Jake hadn’t quite expected her to be that large, especially since he had spent a lot of time around carriers. He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to grab his duffle, wondering if there was a place he could stash it or if he was about to have his plans derailed before they even started.
“At which point does your fear of boats disappear?” Rooster asked, peering out the window as the car idled near the entrance, a sign for parking pointing them to the left.
“Not sure,” Jake admitted. “I’ve only been assigned to carriers, so those don’t bother me as much, and the only other ones I’ve been on are smaller boats. Not sure when the cut-off is.”
Rooster nodded, his hands gripping the steering wheel and he suddenly looked nervous. Jake bit back the instinct to snap what at the man, and waited him out as he pulled his duffle closer and made sure everything was in it. Rooster finally blew out a breath. “Can I come?” he asked, still staring out the window, his hands rotating around the steering wheel with a white knuckled grip, Jake half expected to hear the leather creaking.
Jake paused, the duffle halfway through the seats. “What?”
Rooster finally looked at him, eyes hidden behind glasses, and Jake suddenly wished he was wearing his own. “Look. I don’t have fucking anything to do in San Diego, so would you mind if I tagged along?”
Jake stared at him for a long moment, knowing exactly how hard that would've been to ask because Jake couldn't even fathom doing it if their places had been switched. He shook his head and settled the duffle back. “Parkings that way,” he said, jerking his chin to the side, settling back into the seat, and wondering what the fuck was happening.
They were standing near the bow of the ship, waiting for the tour to start and Jake watched as Rooster began to take photos with an actual camera he had grabbed from somewhere. He could hear the click of the shutter before Rooster pulled the camera away and looked at the screen, actually adjusting something and then taking another photo, a small smile tugging at his mouth when he checked the screen for that one.
“You that big on photography?” Jake asked, turning and leaning his elbows against the side, looking away from the ocean and toward the rest of the mingling crowd. It wasn’t that big of a group, but it was the middle of the week.
“Yeah, my old man had a Polaroid camera and would take photos of everything. He used to take it up when he flew backseater as well,” Rooster explained, looking at the screen. “Rumor has it Mav has a photo of them inverted over a Mig, but I’ve never seen it.”
“You think there’s any truth to that rumor?”
Rooster looked up with a snort. “It’s Mav.”
Now that Jake had met the man, all he could do was incline his head. That photo absolutely existed. “Fair.”
“Yeah, after my Dad passed, Mom kept the tradition up, taking Polaroid’s, and then I took over for her as I got older, got a bug for it. Never enough to wanna do anything with it, but it’s a fun hobby to have,” Bradley explained, lifting the camera again and taking a photo of the rest of the deck before he turned the camera on Jake.
Jake groaned, holding a hand up to block the shot just as he heard the shutter sound and Bradley dropped it with a grin.
“Worried I’m gonna steal your soul?” Bradley asked.
“Assuming I have one, right?” Jake replied, dropping his hand.
“You said it, not me.”
Jake huffed, knowing he had walked into that one. “No, I just don’t love having my photo taken.”
“Any reason, or just cuz?”
Jake thought of the few photos he had from growing up, all of them from friends and none from his family. The only school portraits he had were his senior year ones, and a few dances where he had managed to save enough money to be able to afford them, as well as flowers and a suit to rent. He shook his head. “Just cuz.”
Nodding, Bradley leaned against the railing next to Jake, the camera hanging from a strap around his neck. “So, why the RMS Queen Mary?” he asked. “What’s so special about her?”
“She was a transatlantic ship back in the day before she got converted for use by the Navy to run troops to Europe during World War 2,” Jake explained, remembering the article he had stumbled across and read.
“No, shit?” Bradley said, looking at the ship and letting out a soft whistle. “I wish we had these accommodations.”
Jake chuckled. “Nah. It’s the Navy, Rooster. They stripped her, painted her Navy grey, and made sure to cram as many poor fuckers in here as they could. They used to call her the Grey Ghost. Could outrun anything, including the U-boats.”
He was aware of Bradley looking at him, and he shrugged, the awkwardness of the situation making him a little chattier than normal.
“You sure you don’t wanna lead the tour?” Bradley joked.
“Nah,” Jake said, pushing away from the railing when he spotted someone dressed in a uniform waving for people to come closer. “We won’t get to see the haunted parts if I lead it. C’mon.”
“Haunted?” Bradley asked, voice a little higher than it had been as he caught up with Jake. “What do you mean? Haunted?”
Jake grinned at Bradley. “Rooster, this is considered the most haunted ship in the United States. Well, that you can visit. There’s a bunch of shit you can see at various points if you’re lucky. During World War 2, the Captain was ordered not to stop for anything because of the number of troops the ship was carrying. She accidentally ran over one of the light cruisers that were her escort and kept going. Almost four hundred people died.”
He could almost see the color drain out of Bradshaw’s face as his eyes darted around the ship as if Casper was gonna jump out right then and there. “Come on. It’ll be fine. We’re not staying the night so nothing will happen,” he said as they joined the rest of the group, Bradley joining them a little slower. Jake leaned in a little closer, the memory of the drop on Pirates fresh in my mind. “At least, nothing should happen,” he murmured just as the tour guide began to talk, welcoming them and going over the rules.
“…there’s many parts of the ship that are considered haunted. There are reportedly over one hundred different entities on board, but no one has been able to find who all of them are, and so many of them remain a mystery. Were they just soldiers lost during the transit during the war, crew members who died during their duties, or previously lost souls who saw the ship and mistook it for the ferry to the promised land? We’ll never know, but some, like this room, Stateroom B340, is one of the places most people see paranormal activity. Some of our own employees refuse to go inside after seeing or experiencing something. People have reported seeing a man standing at the end of their bed when they wake up at night, people knocking on the walls, and running water in the middle of the night. All things that cannot be explained.”
The tour guide kept talking, but Jake was distracted by the way Rooster kept moving closer and closer until each step Jake took caused them to brush against each other. He watched as Rooster raised the camera and took a few photos, before dropping it, eyes darting around the room. Jake shoved his hands into his pockets to avoid reaching out and trailing fingers over Rooster just to see if he could make the man jump.
“You good, man?” Jake muttered as the tour guide started ushering them to the next part of the tour.
“Fine!” Rooster replied, voice perkier than Jake had ever heard it outside of alcohol. “Why?”
“Because I’m about to ask where the restrooms are before you shit your pants.”
Rooster glared at him, shoulders hunching inward as he shook his head. “I’m fine,” he said, pulling up the camera and taking a few photos as they were led to the next part.
Jake hummed noncommittally, figuring Rooster actually believed in ghosts, but Jake wasn’t about to judge. Sometimes he wished he was the sort of person who believed in something like that, a higher power, people lingering on in the afterlife, but he never had been. He saw what he saw and had never felt the need to search for anything beyond that.
“…this is the First Class swimming pool. People have reported seeing a number of apparitions here. A cloud of steam appearing out of nowhere, a woman disappearing behind a pillar, a woman with a child next to the pool. While there’s no record of anyone dying in the pool, that doesn’t mean people never did. The ocean is choppy, and accidents happen. Even to those in First Class.”
A loud bang had Rooster flinching, running into Jake, who grabbed his arm and steadied him before he fell over. Jake looked to the side to see one of the other members of the group, raising his hand in apology as he picked up the water bottle he had dropped. Rooster pulled away, muttering an apology and running a hand through his hair as his eyes darted around.
“Hey,” Jake said quietly, his amusement at the situation gone when he saw actual fear in Rooster’s eyes. It had been funny, especially to get back at Rooster at the Pirates ride, but that boat ride had been five minutes long, and this was already forty minutes in, and he could see the stress on his face. “We can leave if you want?”
Rooster shook his head quickly. “No. No. That’s…no. I’m crashing your thing. I’m fine.”
Jake wanted to argue more, but Rooster put his head down and followed the rest of the group with a determined walk Jake had seen more than once. He sighed and followed, catching up with Rooster easily and clearing his throat before he startled the other man. It didn’t help as Rooster flinched and glanced over him, only to visibly deflate and glance back away. Instead of saying something pithy because he knew it wouldn’t go over well, he settled for bumping his shoulder against Bradley’s, figuring he’d just stick close going forward.
“…now here we have Shaft Alley. This is one of the few sites where we know someone died here. One night in 1966, the doors were ordered to be closed, and five minutes later, a young man was found crushed in the door of Hatch 13, with his arms pinned to his sides. While the door was opened, and the young man was rushed to the hospital, he did die from his injuries,” the tour guide said, waving a hand at the door before stepping to the side. “Many people have reported seeing a ghostly apparition running between the doors, or finding grease in the shape of fingerprints. Some have even heard whistling.”
Jake leaned in closer to Rooster. “Do you think it was original door thirteen, or do you think they changed it for the tour?” he asked in a low voice.
Rooster flinched but turned his head and shrugged. “Maybe both? What I wanna know is if that can happen on the carriers?”
“Fucked if I know, besides. If we’re in a situation where they gotta close the hatch doors, you and I are gonna be up in the clouds on overwatch, so I ain’t worried,” Jake replied, watching as people started to take photos of each other in the doorway while the tour guide stood to the side, looking bored now that no one was watching.
“That’s…probably true,” Rooster said, his eyes not moving away from the hatch.
Jake rolled his eyes where Rooster couldn’t see it, before grabbing his phone and handing it to Rooster who frowned looking down at it. “Can you take a photo of me?” he asked, wondering if that would help Bradley settle.
“Uh, sure,” Rooster said, dropping the camera so it hung from the strap and took Jake’s phone.
It took a few seconds to take the photo, and Jake felt awkward, smiling for Rooster like this was something more than what it was. Thankfully, they didn’t linger, and Jake took the phone back, taking a moment to look at the admittedly well-done photographs before he slid his phone back into his pocket and followed, making sure to stick next to Rooster’s side. The rest of the tour was quick as they neared the end, going through the engines so they could stare down at the giant propellers that steered the ship.
“Holy shit,” Rooster finally said, also struck silent at how large they were.
Jake made a noise of agreement, wondering if the carrier's propellers were just as large, before the tour guide ushered them along, and they ended up back in the atrium they had started at. He half listened as the tour guide thanked them, went over where the gift shop was and various other things. Instead, he kept an eye on Rooster, watching as the tension slowly left his shoulders now that they were standing in the open air, the early afternoon sun beating down on them.
“Good?” Jake asked, keeping his tone neutral.
“Yeah,” Rooster replied, looking down at his camera and fiddling with the strap. “Thanks.”
Jake shrugged like it was nothing, even though with their history it was a lot more than nothing. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck as his stomach began to grumble, reminding him that it had been awhile since breakfast and he had walked a lot the day before. “You hungry?” he asked, looking at Rooster who looked up with wide eyes and nodded.
“Fuckin’ starving, man.”
“Same,” Jake said, noticing the tour guide and waving him over.
“How can I help you?” the man asked, customer service smile on his face.
“You got any food suggestions for around here?” he asked, figuring the man was used to tourists. “We saw the restaurant, but we got places to be, so anything quick would be nice.”
The tour guide nodded. “There’s a good burger place down the street, not a lot of seating, but there’s a parking lot, so it’s easy enough to eat in the car. It’s a half block that way,” he said, waving a hand in a direction. “Small little hole in the wall.”
“Brilliant,” Jake replied, nodding his head in thanks before looking over at Rooster as the tour guide wandered off. “Burgers?”
“Sounds good,” Bradley said, shrugging. “We done here?”
“Aside from a jaunt through the gift shop, yes.”
Rooster wrinkled his nose. “Gift shop? It’s all overpriced crap.”
“Don’t rain on my parade, Rooster,” Jake said, beginning to head in the direction the tour guide had pointed, ready to spark an argument if Rooster kept pushing.
Jake had grown up in a house devoid of decoration, and even though he was constantly on the move and truly didn’t have roots anywhere, he still enjoyed picking up kitschy things. He liked the little reminders that he had been somewhere. He had done something and had had fun doing it. And maybe, one of these days, he’d have a house where he could display them all.
“Fine, fine,” Bradley said, catching up to him with a sigh. “But be quick, I’m suddenly famished.”
There was something surreal about sitting in the back of his Bronco, watching Hangman eat a burger with one hand, now and again dipping it into the pile of ketchup from the half dozen little packets he had ripped open, the little keychain he had gotten hanging from his other hand as he scanned the book, he had picked up about the RMS Queen Mary during World War 2. He pulled his leg up, fighting the urge to grab his camera and take a photo to remind himself that this was real, that somehow he had spent a day and a half with Hangman and they hadn’t gotten into an argument.
Instead, he pulled out his phone and fiddled with it for a second before taking a quick photo, hoping that Hangman hadn’t noticed. And he hadn’t, engrossed in his book, burger forgotten as he leaned down, frowning and reading something. He looked at the photo, the way the light caught Hangman’s hair, a frown marring his forehead, eyes hidden behind sunglasses, and looking so utterly engrossed in the book he was unaware of anything else, including the drop of ketchup that was hanging by a thread from the edge of the burger. Bradley could almost imagine posting it, dealing with the flurry of texts and messages from people who knew both of them, and he knew he couldn’t. Whatever this moment was, it was between them. He settled on saving the photo; it was a good one, candid but looking posed.
He looked down at his pile of fries and grabbed another one even though they were lukewarm at best by now; the burger was long gone, and his vanilla and caramel milkshake melted but was still worth drinking. It had been as good as the tour guide had said it would be. It was a warm day, the breeze taking some of the heat away as the clouds floated lazily overhead. He could make out the ocean in the distance, barely there due to the rumble of city life passing by, but enough to settle Bradley down.
“So, what now?” he asked when he had finished the fries and looked up. “We could drive back, but it’s getting late, and traffic is going to be a bitch.”
He would if there was nothing to do, but the part of him that thought of an empty house in a city devoid of any friends was still screaming at him, and he didn’t want to go home. It was the part of him that had asked Hangman if he could tag along without realizing where they were going. But, even if he had known that the RMS Queen Mary was supposed to be haunted, Bradley still would’ve gone because it was better than what he had been doing.
Hangman looked up at him, frowning and staring at him for long enough Bradley almost broke the gaze, but it was Hangman and he wasn’t going to give in first. Finding whatever it was he was looking for, he dropped the keychain into the book and set it down before pulling out his phone, biting the edge of the hamburger, the ketchup not falling off.
“The Museum of Death looks interesting,” Hangman said, reading something from his phone. “It’s got the largest collection of serial killer artwork and other shit.”
“No,” Bradley said, knowing his tone was waspish, but Hangman just raised an eyebrow and kept scrolling.
“La Brea Tar Pits? Oh, what about the Endeavor?”
“Been to both of those,” Bradley admitted before realizing Hangman was offering places to visit instead of going back to San Diego and he suddenly didn’t give a shit where they went. “But we can go again.”
Jake waved the hand holding the burger. “So, I’m guessing you don’t want anything to do with death, or supernatural or anything like that,” he said, clearly not waiting for an answer as he continued. “I don’t feel like hiking or doing anything like that because we walked all day yesterday, so that crosses off some of these as well.” He hummed as he kept eating.
Bradley didn’t fight his curiosity. “What are you reading from?”
“I have a list of places I want to visit in LA; I have them for a lot of major cities,” Hangman said as he kept scrolling. “The Bunny Museum?”
“The what now?”
“Bunny Museum,” Hangman repeated, looking up with a mischievous look. “It’s the world’s largest collection of bunny memorabilia.”
“…do you want to go to the Bunny Museum?” Bradley asked, not sure how he felt about it.
“I want to go and see what the fuck it is because it sounds like the kinda weird that is interesting,” Hangman admitted. “But I also want to be able to tell people about it and see the look you have on your face right now.”
Bradley didn’t know what look was on his face, so he didn’t bother trying to school it. “Are there…other museums?” he asked instead, figuring staying inside after yesterday wasn’t the worst idea. And he could assume they weren’t haunted.
Hangman hummed, eating the last bite of his burger and chewing as he scrolled, and kept scrolling long enough that Bradley leaned forward so he could see Hangman’s phone, wondering how the fuck Hangman found all these places and why he was keeping them all. “That’s a lot,” he said.
“LA has a lot of museums,” Hangman replied, shrugging. “I love a good museum, but fuck they can get overwhelming, right? Like, one, maybe two a day with a bit of a break in between.”
“I mean, I guess,” Bradley said. He enjoyed them well enough, but it wasn’t something he often wanted to do when he was in a new city.
“Shame the Newseum is closed, you would’ve loved it if you were ever in DC,” Hangman said absently.
“Newseum?”
“Museum of News,” Hangman continued, eyes scanning the page. “It was pretty interesting seeing it. They had a gallery of a lot of Pulitzer Prize winning photographs. It was amazing how many I had already seen, but didn’t overly know the context behind them.”
Bradley opened his mouth, closed it, and made a considering sound instead, surprised that Hangman had remembered enough about his off-the-cuff comment about photography earlier in the day to make an assumption about something he might like. He wasn’t wrong either. Bradley didn’t know what to do about that.
“Oh, here we go. Museum of Neon Art,” Hangman said, eyes flicking up. “It opened about an hour ago, so we’ve got some time. It’s kinda across town, about an hour maybe, and north instead of back towards San Diego.”
“Museum of Neon Art,” Bradley repeated before he shrugged, not really caring suddenly as long as it wasn’t back toward San Diego. “Sounds fun. I’ve always liked neon lights.”
“Kinda figured, what with the whole,” Hangman trailed off and waved a hand at Bradley.
Bradley, used to the comments about his attire, rolled his eyes as he snagged his milkshake and finished it off, the sweetness almost overpowering but it was good. “You done?”
Hangman closed his phone and slid it back into his pocket. “Yeah, I’m done. Ready to go?”
“Yeah,” Bradley said, sliding off the trunk of the car and grabbing his trash, waiting for Jake to do the same before they were in the car and off.
Traffic was on their side as they made it across the city in a little under an hour, Bradley’s road trip playlist taking the place of conversation as LA flashed by. The fact that it had been over twenty-four hours without an argument was difficult for Bradley to comprehend because he was sure they had never gone that long without fighting. But it was good; there was a peace Bradley hadn’t felt in a long time, and he doubted it was just because things were better with Mav. Somehow, he found a park close to the museum and they got out in silence, Bradley snagging his camera at the last moment.
Hangman stretched his arms up with a groan, and Bradley flashed back to that morning, waking up and seeing Hangman stretching in just a pair of boxers, shadowed by the blackout curtains, but there had been just enough light he was able to make out the man as he moved, body rippling as he flowed with an ease that made Bradley’s entire body hurt just thinking about it. The bruises and whiplash from the ejection were better, but there was still an ache he wanted to get rid of.
Maybe Hangman had the right of it.
“You a fan of neon lights?” Bradley asked as he fell into step with Hangman, the two of them making their way to the entrance and joining the small line to get tickets.
“Yeah,” Hangman said, hands in his pockets and shrugging. “Always liked how they gave the night a little personality. There was this one bar near my place growing up that had some massive neon sign that was the back of a man pissin', and it was one of those movin’ ones, so it would drip down which then would make it look like it filled up the light below it so the bar name would light up.”
“That’s actually kinda cool,” Bradley said, impressed.
“It was, especially for a dive bar called The Watering Hole that most definitely had a shady ass reputation. We all knew not to go into the bar unless you were ready to fight or fuck your way outta there, and gotta say, I wasn’t the type they wanted to be fuckin’.”
Bradley chuckled, imagining how well any sort of gay sex would be received at a bar like that in wherever in Texas Hangman was from. He was about to ask, but they were next, and he stepped forward, getting his ticket with a smile at the worker. Hangman got him, and then they were inside. He pulled his sunglasses off, hooking them into the front of his shirt as he looked around, smiling at the giant frog with the words 'howdy folks' right below it. He took a photo, glancing over to see Hangman standing next to him before he jerked his chin to the door where other people were walking through.
They fell into step as they made their way through the door. It took a second for Bradley’s eyes to adjust from the midday sun to the dim glow of the room, the neon signs around them making it a little difficult for a second.
“Holy crap,” he said once his eyes had finished adjusting, and he could look around, seeing everything, but he didn’t know where to start.
“Damn,” Hangman said, stopping next to him.
The room was filled with neon lights, casting shadows all across the walls and over the people wandering through. Bradley’s eyes kept getting drawn from one thing to the next, never able to settle and he was glad he had the foresight to grab his camera as he lifted it up, adjusted the settings before beginning to take photos, not sure what he wanted to focus on.
“Anything catch your eye?” Hangman asked when Bradley dropped the camera, hands in his pockets and looking around the room.
“Everything?”
That got Hangman to snort and shake his head. “Gotta love neon,” he said before beginning to walk and Bradley followed, either Hangman had a plan, or he didn’t, but either way it was still more than Bradley had.
They drifted through the room, Bradley stopping to take a photo from time to time of something that caught his attention, Hangman dutifully stepping out of the way to let him take it. He wanted to ask; he figured there had to be more to the story, especially since, now that Bradley thought about it, he had never seen Hangman take a photo, even though he knew he had seen the man in them. Halo, Omaha and Coyote all had photos with the man in them, multiple of them. It didn’t fit with the idea he had of Hangman in his head, and reconciling that was difficult.
“Hey, Rooster, look at this,” Hangman said, getting his attention.
Bradley wandered over, seeing what had caught Hangman’s attention, and rolled his eyes at the neon rooster, even as he lifted the camera and took a photo of it, figuring more than one person would get a kick out of it. He dropped the camera, watching as Hangman leaned in closer, spotting a placard on the wall.
“Let’s see, Roosterfish was a queer bar that opened in 1979 and closed in 2016, making its mark as the last queer bar west of the 405 freeway. Roosterfish holds incredible historical significance to the queer community of Los Angeles. The bar served as a safe space for queer people to express themselves openly and freely.” He paused and kept reading, tilting his head to the side before wrinkling his nose.
“What?” Bradley asked, wondering what was so wrong with that, and wondering if he was about to get into an argument.
“Apparently, it reopened under new management in 2017 for a general audience,” Hangman said.
“So?” Bradley asked, not seeing the issue.
Hangman shrugged, standing up straight. “Keeping it as a gay bar would’ve been a better idea. You can let anyone in; it’s hard to tell when some of us are queer, but the rest of it? Should’ve kept it as a gay bay because of the history; more interesting that way,” he explained before he started walking away, looking over the neon lights as if he hadn’t just upended Bradley’s worldview for a moment.
He had always made the assumption Hangman was straight, especially with the knowledge that he had been dating a woman for a long time. But, like Hangman said. It was impossible to tell. He shook his head, knocking the thoughts out of his head because it didn’t matter before he moved to catch up with the other man, catching the sidelong glance, but Bradley didn't know what to say so he wasn't going to say anything.
“I’m waiting for a noose now,” Bradley said instead.
Hangman chuckled. “I don’t think death’s the kinda thing that gets etched into neon history.”
Bradley nodded toward a light that caught his attention, a man with a briefcase and the words ‘his patients all die’ below it. “Like that?” he asked, snapping another photo.
Hangman chuckled. “Or maybe it might be,” he said, walking closer.
Bradley watched him go, before quickly raising the camera and taking a phot of Hangman, backlit by the neon lights and looked down at the view finder and the photo. With the green light around him, and half refracting off the white t-shirt he was wearing, Hangman’s outline was fuzzy, making it hard to figure out who it was, but he settled for dropping the camera and joining Hangman as they kept wandering through the museum.
“I’ve never seen them up close,” Hangman said, stepping closer to one of the displays and leaning forward.
Joining him, Bradley also leaned in and noticed that there was a slight shimmer, and he raised his eyebrows, leaning in even closer. “It’s moving,” he said, feeling kinda inane as he said it, but he was surprised. He had never thought too much about the how of it, just knowing that they were cool to look at.
“Makes sense,” Hangman said, shrugging when Bradley looked at him. “It’s got gas in it, Rooster. Gas isn’t a solid so it moves. Same as a liquid would, so it would shimmer. Basic chemistry.”
There was an edge to Hangman’s voice, a teasing note that set Bradley’s teeth on edge out of habit, but he forced it back down and rolled his eyes. “I remember,” he said instead, before lifting the camera and taking a photo of the exhibit they had been looking at. “But I hadn’t put two and two together.”
“Now that’s just basic math, not chemistry,” Hangman replied, always quick on the draw.
Rolling his eyes again, Bradley started walking, figuring it would be better to keep looking at the exhibits, and it was a lot more interesting that getting into a back and forth with Hangman especially since they tended to delve into an argument, he didn’t have the energy to deal with. They kept wandering, both of them silent as they circled the room before moving on, the other exhibits following in flashes of bright colors that started to hurt his eyes after a moment.
His body was protesting a second day of walking, especially after all the stairs on the Queen Mary and when they got back to where they had started, Bradley couldn’t help but look at the exit sign like it was a moment of hope. The museum had been cool, but he wanted sunshine. And to sit down.
“Oh, gift shop,” Hangman said, veering to the right, away from the exit sign and Bradley followed with a sigh, dropping the camera as they stepped out of the dimly lit room and into the bright fluorescent lights that were prevalent in stores around the world.
For a moment, he thought about making a snide comment. But it was Hangman’s money, he could do what he wanted. Bradley settled for walking around, looking at the stuff you could buy, all of it pretty normal for a gift shop. He glanced over to see Hangman frowning at something in his hands and looked away, his eyes running over the titles of the books before one caught his eye. He picked it up and began to read the back.
“Hey, Rooster,” Hangman called.
Bradley looked over. “What?”
He held something up. “Orange or blue?”
This far, Bradley couldn’t make out what they were aside from how bright blue and orange they were, but he shrugged. “Blue,” he said, mostly hoping it would make Hangman get the orange one to be contrary. Hangman nodded, and Bradley looked back at the book before taking it up to the counter before he could think about it too hard.
Hangman met him at the entrance a second later, the two of them standing in awkward silence before Bradley thrust the book out, just as Hangman handed something over to him. They frowned at each other, and Bradley suddenly felt like he was in some sketch comedy show as he looked down and could see the blue thing Hangman had been holding up earlier.
“Figured your old ass keys needed an old-style keychain,” Hangman said as Bradley looked down at the keychain, the words Glendale motel written across the old-style plastic that reminded Bradley of motel keys in movies that he’d seen.
“Thanks,” Bradley said, wriggling the book so Hangman would take it. “Figured you’d need something else to read aside from whatever romance book Dino is gonna make you read.”
Hangman took the book as if it were a bomb. “She did mention something about hockey players before I stopped listening out of fear,” he said, frowning at the cover. “Neon A Light History Book,” he said reading the cover before turning to the back and raising his eyebrows. “...covering scandals, murder, fascists, and forgotten inventors. Sounds interesting, actually.”
That made Bradley relax, feeling like he had done something right with Hangman, and he nodded. “Maybe I’ll borrow it when you’re done?” he asked.
Hangman nodded, tracing fingers over the title, before looking up, a small frown causing a line to appear between his eyebrows as he stared at Bradley, looking almost confused for a second before it cleared away and he nodded toward the exit. “You done?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, grateful for the break as he made for the exit, stopping to take a few more photos before they were outside, the late afternoon beginning to give way to the early evening and he knew they could drive back to San Diego but it was getting late and San Diego still felt like the last place he wanted to go. “What now?” he asked, hoping Hangman had the answer.
Unfortunately, Hangman looked as out of sorts as he did. “Hungry?” he asked.
Bradley wasn’t, but he nodded. “I could eat.”
“Same. Let’s find something to eat,” Hangman said, chin lifting, looking determined all of a sudden. “And then find a hotel for the night. I don’t feel like sitting in traffic.”
“Same,” Bradley said, latching onto the topic with a gratefulness that had to be obvious, but thankfully Hangman didn’t mention or notice.
They settled on a small brewery that promised good food and beer, and the promise of alcohol made the night a little bit easier because Bradley still didn’t know what the fuck to talk to Hangman about. They didn’t have work to talk about, and sometimes it felt like that was the only thing they had in common. He leaned back in the chair, thankful, at least, that Hangman seemed to be on the same page as him as the silence stretched, broken by the waitress arriving and taking their orders only to disappear again, leaving the silence in her wake.
“So,” Hangman said, finally breaking the silence between them. Bradley looked at him, waiting, hoping he didn’t look too eager. “Ghosts.”
Bradley missed the silence.
“What about them?” he asked, trying to play off his fear at the Queen Mary earlier in the day as nothing but he knew it wouldn’t fly.
“You believe?” Hangman asked, his tone odd.
It took Bradley a second to place why his tone was odd; it was because Hangman was being careful about asking, clearly curious, but Bradley had a sudden feeling that if he brushed the question aside, then the man would drop it. For the first time in knowing each other. That, more than anything, made Bradley shrug and lean back.
“Yeah,” he said, seeing the raised eyebrow and the flash of a disbelieving look before he sighed and leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Kinda hard not to really.”
“How come?”
At least Hangman looked interested in the answer, for once, so Bradley figured he might as well tell the truth. He had the car keys, it wasn’t like Hangman was gonna antagonize him that much.
“So, growing up, anytime something would happen, my Mom would tell me that either my Dad was watching and he was proud of me, or my Dad was watching and he loved me, but she was frustrated right then. Usually for something I did as a kid, as all kids do you know?” Bradley asked, meeting Hangman’s gaze.
Hangman hummed noncommittally, but Bradley continued.
“Mav would do the same thing. Tell me how proud my Dad would be of that thing I did or whatever. So, I always kinda of got the idea that my Dad was around; he was a ghost watching over me. I know now it’s because they were trying to keep his memory alive for me.”
“Which makes sense,” Hangman said, both of them falling silent for a moment as the waitress reappeared with their beers. “But, how does that lead to ghosts?”
“Because I’ve seen things, or felt things,” Bradley admitted with a sigh, picking up his drink and taking a sip as he waited for the teasing, surprised when it didn’t come, but he could see Hangman’s lip curl. “Look, I don’t think it’s Casper the friendly ghost or anything like that, but there’s always things that happen that you can’t explain.”
“You can, actually, if you want to,” Hangman interjected.
“No, that’s what people who want to ignore the signs want to do,” Bradley corrected. “A door slams shut, clearly it’s the wind. Never mind that the windows are closed. Something has moved; you just forgot about it. You feel something. Your imagination.”
“Exactly.”
Bradley huffed, leaning forward on his elbows again, fingers pressing into the table as he felt himself get into the discussion. “So, the soul, right? You believe in the concept of the soul?”
“I believe that we’re all made up of different DNA and experiences and that makes us individuals, which could be classified as a soul, yes.” Hangman shrugged. “Some spirit that possesses our flesh and bone bodies? I’m a little less inclined toward that.”
“Right, but the idea is that there’s some part of us that makes us us; that’s the soul. And when we die, that just dies with it?”
“That’s what death is, darlin’. It ends.”
Bradley shook his head, ignoring the drawled darlin’. “See, that’s where I struggle because that’s just too easy. We’re made up of so many moments, experiences, and so many interactions that we leave on the people around us that when we die, we can’t just fade away. Not with the mark we left, no matter how small we think it might be.”
“So, a ghost is a memory?” Hangman asked confused.
“No, well, sort of. The whole world is made up of signals that we’ve put out, right? Or, we’ve been affected by. Electrical, chemical, all of it interacting, and when we die, those moments are still there. In computer science, there’s this concept of ghosts in the machines, random bits of code floating around that sometimes manage to work in ways that are hard to understand and create something unintended.”
“We’re not computers, we don’t have random bits of software,” Hangman argued, leaning forward. “We’re people.”
“We’re not computers, yeah, but we’re made up of building blocks of DNA and whatever else goes into making a human, human, the same as code. And I’m not saying that these random bits are the reason there are ghosts, but just that we exist, we have weight, and when we die, parts of us still exist and so, just like those random codes in software, all those random chemical and electrical signals we’ve been putting out linger, and cause a ghost in the machinery of the world. It’s why people see the same thing.”
It was an argument Bradley had had more than once over the years as he tried to get people to understand that he believed and that there was more to it than some scary Halloween story. But people heard ghosts, and they thought of horror movies or ghost hunters who never actually found anything.
“People see the same thing because pareidolia is a known phenomenon and so if one person reports that they’ve seen a ghost, then other people who wish to see a ghost will visit the same place will experience something and assume it’s a ghost first instead of trying to figure out a logical explanation,” Hangman replied.
Inclining his head, Bradley tapped his fingers on the table. “I’m not denying there’s often a logical reason, but sometimes logic fails.”
“What’s that quote? Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Just because there isn’t a logical explanation doesn’t mean there isn’t one.”
“And just because you want there to be a logical reason doesn’t mean there is one,” Bradley countered, smiling when Hangman rolled his eye and grabbed his beer, taking a long draw from it. “And sometimes, it’s not necessarily a ghost that’s haunting; it’s just watching over you.”
“A guardian angel?” Now Hangman had a disbelieving look on his face, not that Bradley could blame him. He knew not a lot of people believed like he did.
“Look, when I was about twelve my Mom was driving down the road, yelling at me because I had gotten in trouble and she wasn’t paying attention as much as she should’ve, when all of a sudden this bird flew in front of the window and she slammed on the breaks a split second before some driver ran a red and would’ve t-boned the car if that bird hadn't made her stop,” Bradley said, the memory of sitting in the car, both of them breathing harshly etched into his mind. “And up until the day she died, my Mom maintained that that was my Dad, making sure we would be okay.”
Both eyebrows were up now, Hangman’s lip curling. “Really.”
“Yes,” Bradley said, lifting his chin.
Hangman tilted his head to the side before his eyes narrowed. “This is your argument for guardian angel ghosts? A bird flying in front of your window?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think it was a goose?” Hangman asked, arms crossed.
“Why the fuck would it be a goose?” Bradley demanded, feeling his temper begin to spike and he had to fight to keep it under control.
“I’m just saying that your Dad’s watching over you, so are you sure it wasn’t a goose?”
“No, it was some random bird. I think I know what a goose looks like!”
“Do you?”
“Yeah, there’s geese all over the parks in San Diego. I know what a fucking goose looks like!” Bradley snapped, feeling a split second from wanting to lunge across the table and wring Hangman's neck. He knew he didn't believe, that was fine, but it was something Bradley believed in, and having Hangman clearly dismiss it rankled him.
“But that’s Canadian geese, right? How do you know it wasn’t a Chinese goose?” Hangman asked.
Bradley frowned. “A Chinese goose?”
“Domesticated breed. Like the Magpie, or the Pomeranian goose, African,” Hangman said, fingers tapping against the side of his glass. “The biff buff, Croatian, Larger, the dongle…”
It took a moment of Hangman saying random words for Bradley to finally notice the way he was fighting not to smirk, and he slumped back in his chair, grabbing the beer and shaking his head. “Asshole,” he muttered.
That got Hangman to chuckle and shrug. “Look, I like places like the RMS Queen Mary because it's old, and oftentimes, the haunted aspect are because of something that did happen in the real world, and that's what interests me. Same way, abandoned towns interest me. People were there, and they left a physical, tangible mark, which is interesting to see. But, ghosts? We were never gonna agree on ghosts. I don’t know what happens when we die, and it’s a problem for when we die, not to worry about now.”
It was an argument that Bradley always had trouble refuting, even if he did want to continue the discussion, but they were prone to blow up arguments and so he sighed, figuring that Hangman was, as much as it galled him, right.
“So, you made up a bunch of goose breeds?” Bradley demanded, knowing that his tone was sharp, but he couldn’t help it. Hangman had a way of getting under his skin.
“Only some of them, the Magpie, Pomeranian, and African, are all real breeds,” Hangman explained, waving a hand in the air.
“How the hell do you know that?” Bradley asked, staring at Hangman feeling like he had taken crazy pills. “Do you moonlight as a bird scientist?”
“An ornithologist? No, but uh…,” Hangman trailed off, suddenly looking uncomfortable as he glanced to the side and continued. “Maria was. She worked with a local wildlife group overseeing various nestbox monitoring projects for species that were on the verge of losing their habitat for one reason or another. She was partial to water birds: ducks, mallards, herons, swans, cranes, and geese. Some of the different breeds have some weird fucking names, so I used to make them up to see if I could ever trip her up.”
And just like that, Bradley felt his anger disappear, overtaken instead by awkwardness at the careful lack of emotion in Hangman’s voice as he looked out across the restaurant, not meeting Bradley’s eyes. Bradley shifted, fingers rubbing over the white tablecloth, trying to figure out what to say. He wanted to ask how Hangman felt about his ex, but that felt too personal, in a way other topics hadn’t, but he didn’t know what to say in the awkward silence that fell.
“Alright, gentlemen,” the waitress said, reappearing with their food and Hangman turned back with a flash of a smile, the moment gone, both of them sprinting away from the sudden vulnerability as they turned their attention to the waitress and then to eating.
Later, lying in the darkness of a hotel room that was nicer than Bradley had expected since it had been a last-minute booking that Hangman had somehow found, he cleared his throat, wondering if Hangman was asleep or not. There was silence for a moment before a rustle of bedsheets and a soft hum.
“Do you miss her?” Bradley asked into the darkness, staring at the far wall instead of toward the bed where he could almost make out the lump that made up Hangman.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to expand on the question as Hangman sighed. For a split second, he figured Hangman wouldn’t answer, not that Bradley would blame him, but then, to his surprise, Hangman answered.
“Sometimes. I miss what we had more than I miss her,” Hangman said softly. “It was good, we were good. We survived two overseas deployments and me moving around a lot. She never moved with me because she loved her job, and she didn’t want to walk away from the work she was doing, which I understood. I think it was easier when we were younger, but when we started getting older, she wanted my job to be more stable, and I couldn’t ever give her that right then, and she finally got sick and tired of waiting for me to get promoted to the desk."
It was a familiar tale, one Bradley had experienced more than once over the years as people finally clicked to the reality of dating someone who would be uprooted at any moment. But he also thought of his Mom, packing them both up without a care in the world to go and see his Dad just because he was going to be stateside.
“What does her husband do?” Bradley asked.
Hangman sighed. “Pediatric doctor with a specialization in endocrinology.”
That wasn’t what Bradley had been expecting. “Oh. Um.”
The words hung in the air before Hangman started to crack up and Bradley couldn’t help but also chuckle at the absurdity of the whole situation. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked back to the shaking lump, opening his mouth and then closing it because he didn’t really know what else to say as Hangman stopped laughing and silence descended.
“You good?” Bradley asked after a moment, a whole host of questions carried by those two words.
“Yeah, Bradshaw. I’m good. I’d be even better if you shut the fuck up and let me sleep.”
“Fine, fine,” Bradley said, rolling onto his side and pulling the blanket up, wishing he had brought his own pillow because hotel ones were always the worst. “Night.”
“Night.”
Chapter Text
“You’re making me feel lazy.”
Jake grinned as he pushed himself up on his hands into cobra, spotting the pile of blankets and hair he could see thanks to the faint light streaming through the split in the curtains. “So do something about it,” he said, pushing himself up a little higher with a soft groan, feeling his muscles burn from holding it, as well as the stretch.
Rooster huffed and sat up, blankets still cocooned around him. Jake had a feeling that even though the man was looking in his direction, he wasn’t seeing much of anything right then. He let himself drop and relax, taking a deep breath before pushing himself up into downward dog, walking his feet as he listened to Rooster start to shift before he shuffled into the bathroom, the edge of the blanket trailing in front of Jake. The door closed, leaving the room in silence as he kept moving through the last of the motions before he stood, arms stretched up overhead with a groan, shaking himself out before walking over and flipping the light on just as the shower started running.
He blinked at the sudden brightness, waiting for his eyes to adjust before he began to grab the things he needed for the day. He was getting low on clean clothing, and only the fact that he tended to overpack when he was traveling for fun kept him from wearing dirty clothes, but he had expected this to be a two-day trip. And now they were on day three. Although, if he was back in San Diego by the evening then it wouldn’t be such an issue. He just didn’t know what was going to happen, and he still didn’t want to go back.
The shower shut off, and the door opened a second later, Rooster reappeared, one hand holding the hotel towel that was always too small up with one hand, the other one holding the blanket.
Rooster dropped the blanket on the bed. “Solvang.”
“Gesundheit,” Jake replied, not bothering to hide the smile when Rooster rolled his eyes.
“No. It’s a town a little further north. It was settled by people from Denmark, so the whole town was built like something out of Europe. My Mom and I used to go during the holidays for their Christmas Market each year.”
“…okay?” Jake said, not sure what Rooster was getting at, but he let himself hope a little bit that this was going where he wanted it to go.
“We should go,” Rooster said, chin lifted up. “There’s this fantastic Danish breakfast place, Danish pancakes or crepes, and a whole lot of other stuff as well.”
Jake glanced at the time; it was closer to nine than he would’ve liked. He had been sleeping in more than normal, the blackout curtains making it hard for him to realize what the time actually was. “Will we make it in time for breakfast?” he asked.
“No,” Rooster said, chin still raised. “But we could get there today and then go for breakfast in the morning.”
The silence hung between them as they stared at each other before Jake found himself nodding. “Alright,” he said, grabbing his things and heading into the shower instead of saying anything else, mostly because he didn’t know what the fuck was happening, but he did know what if it meant not going back to San Diego, then he was down for it.
They were on the road an hour later, choosing to grab a quick breakfast instead of sitting down, which meant Jake got to watch Rooster eat a McMuffin while shifting gears as he moved across three lanes of traffic to make the exit he had almost missed. It was the sort of driving that once upon a time would’ve had Jake snapping to be more careful and deal with the ‘okay Grandpa’ comments that always followed, but he had spent the better part of the last decade getting rides from random people and so he had seen it all. The good, the bad, and the confusion as to how some of these asshole were allowed to fly a multi-million dollar plane.
“Oh, fuck,” Bradshaw said, muffled by the sandwich he was now holding in his mouth as he focused on the road, the traffic zipping past, and it felt like every asshole and wanna be stunt driver was out in full force today.
Jake reached over and snagged the sandwich, surprised when Rooster let it go without comment, chewing the bite as he shifted to another lane before settling back; the danger apparently passed. “Fucking assholes,” he muttered, glancing sideways before back out the front window, holding a hand out. “Thanks.”
“Purely altruistic, I promise you,” Jake said, handing him back his sandwich as he sat back with the second of four hashbrowns and nothing else he had ordered, ignoring Bradshaw’s judgment as he had done so.
“I’m sure,” Bradshaw replied around a mouthful. “We’ll be out of the city soon, in theory. And then it’s just smooth sailing up the 101. We’ll get some cool ocean views as well.”
“Cool,” Jake said, looking forward to something other than city spread out around them. “How did you guys find out about this place?”
“My Mom liked road trips. So she would look for places and we would go on weekends,” Rooster explained, finishing the sandwich and grabbing the giant coffee he had gotten himself, downing it in a long swallow. “She found this place, and we ended up turning it into an annual thing. Both her and my Dad’s parents died young, and they didn’t have any siblings, so Christmas was always quiet, especially with Mav deployed half the time, so it was just us.”
It sounded lonely and exactly like the sort of Christmas Jake was used to, even though Bradshaw had had his Mom. Nominally, Jake had had his parents, but in reality, it was a whole different story. “That’s cool,” he settled on, not in the mood to get into the ins and outs of his own family and not sure what else to say about Bradshaw’s.
“It was,” Bradley replied, smiling as he set the coffee down and grabbed his second sandwich, undoing it with an ease that told Jake he did this often. “We never really went far. I always had school, and she had to work, but it was fun for weekend trips or a little longer if we had time off.”
“What did she do?”
“She was a receptionist. Worked for this big construction company downtown.”
“What, didn’t wanna follow in her footsteps?” Jake asked. “Pecking away at a keyboard?”
Bradley shot him a look. “Very funny.”
“I know,” Jake agreed, grinning a little wider when Bradshaw rolled his eyes and reached out, turning the music up.
Jake looked out the window as they kept driving, polishing off the hashbrowns before relaxing back with the small coffee he had ordered, now and against sipping at it as the city gave way to the suburbs and then beyond. They weren’t ever truly alone; it wasn’t isolated by any stretch of the imagination, but there were fewer people as they left LA County and started through Ventura, and Jake liked that, the press of the crowd at Disneyland still fresh in his mind.
“Oh, shit.”
Jake looked over, frowning at Rooster, who was frowning at something. “What?” he asked, worried that the trip would be done before it started.
“We need gas, like…now,” Rooster said, looking around. “Can you…?”
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was asking. “Yeah,” Jake said, digging out his phone from the side door, easily pulling up the maps and finding a place, giving Rooster the directions.
Rooster pulled off and into the gas station a few moments later, parking with a relieved sigh that told Jake that they had gotten closer than either of them was comfortable with. He turned off and Jake unbuckled his seatbelt, getting out and moving around to the pump before Rooster had even finished doing his.
“What are you doing?” Rooster asked, pushing the door open and frowning at Jake.
“Paying for gas,” Jake replied, digging his wallet out and finding the right card.
“No, you’re not,” Rooster said, appearing next to him, shouldering him to the side. “You got the hotels the last two nights.”
“And if I get this, then it’s one less thing we gotta worry about figuring out,” Jake said, shoving Rooster away. “Go get me a bag of chips and water.”
Rooster glared at him, and Jake glared back before making a shooing motion with one hand as he pressed his card against the reader with the other. “What kind?” Bradshaw asked, clearly irritated.
“Anything but sour cream and onion,” Jake said, shrugging as he turned to the pump. “And remember, it’s your upholstery. What fuel do you use?”
“87 is fine, I tuned her recently,” Bradshaw called over his shoulder as he headed into the small market attached to the rest of the station.
Jake started filling the car, leaning against the side as he stared as the numbers went up and up, wondering if Bradshaw would still keep the Bronco when he was desk-bound and had to deal with the cost of this constantly. He chewed on the inside of his mouth, trying to keep his mind away from the swirling ‘what the fuck’ that had been an almost constant mantra for the past two days as he did…whatever this was with Rooster.
Going to Disneyland was fine; another day spent in LA, he could excuse that since it was a spur of the moment. But this was different. This was Rooster coming up with an idea, a plan since they had something to do tomorrow. This was more than he expected, and he didn’t know what to do with it, especially with Rooster of all people.
“I hope you were serious about not really caring because their chip selection was lacking,” Rooster said, reappearing around the front of the car, holding out a hand with a bag of Flaming hot Cheetos and a bottle of water.
The pump clicked and Jake turned, quickly putting the fuel back and closing the cap before he took the chips and water, only then spotting what Bradley was holding. “Hot Tamales and Dr Pepper?” he demanded.
Rooster grinned, shrugging as he opened the door and swung himself back into the car. “They’re good,” he replied, the door slamming before Jake could reply.
“Hot Tamales are Grandpa food,” Jake shot back.
“No, they’re not.”
“Yes, they are. I bet you like those hard strawberry candies as well.”
Rooster chuckled from inside of the car. “Hell, yes, and I also like the hard caramels.”
“Dentists must love you.”
Moving around the car, Jake got back in just in time to see Rooster chew a handful of Hot Tamales before taking a mouthful of the Dr Pepper. He paused, staring at the man who smirked around his mouthful, and Jake could feel how curled his lip was in disgust as he finished closing the door and settled back in.
“The fuck, man,” Jake finally settled on, dropping his wallet into the side door with his phone and settling back into the chair that, despite what he thought, was actually turning out to be more comfortable than he expected. He definitely appreciated the amount of legroom.
“What?” Rooster asked the car turned back on, Dr. Pepper in the cup holder, and the tamales between his thighs. “It’s good.”
“In what world?”
“Mine,” was the reply as he lifted the box and downed a few more, chewing in a way that made Jake want to throw something at him. The whole car smelled like cinnamon, and he wrinkled his nose, popping open the bag of chips.
“I bet you also liked Big Red,” Jake muttered.
“Hell yeah, best gum ever. I held the record for the foil forehead stick with my friends,” Rooster replied, pulling back onto the freeway. He held out the box to Jake. “If you’re gonna judge me, then you gotta try it first. With the Dr. Pepper.”
Jake stared at the box, and then up at the knowing, smug look on Rooster's face and he scowled, grabbing the box and tilting a few out, and throwing them in his mouth, beginning to chew, feeling the cinnamon burn across his tongue and he grimaced, grabbing the Dr. Pepper and taking a mouthful. It took a second for his mind to catch up with what was in his mouth, and he had to fight from gagging for a second before he managed to swallow, shaking his head. The burn reminded him of the first time he had ever taken a Tequila shot, and he couldn’t even begin to describe what the flavor combination was.
“You’re insane,” Jake replied, setting the drink back and grabbing for his water, wishing he had gotten something else now. Something to wash the taste away. "Certifiable.”
“And you’re in the passenger seat, bay-bee,” Rooster crowed.
Jake ignored him, grabbing his book and opening it up, figuring it was better than answering that because he wasn’t wrong. Jake was in the passenger seat, and he had no fucking clue what was happening.
The problem, Jake was finding out very quickly, was that Bradshaw was a singer. He liked to sing.
‘…and I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more…’
Which Jake knew, he had been around the man in one form or another for a long time and had seen the little piano performance more than once over the years. But as they finally left the last of civilization, the ocean opening up to their left, blue water fading into the blue skies and looking like a dream, reality was slapping him in the face as Bradshaw kept singing.
‘…despacito quiero respirar tu cuello despacito deja que te diga cosas al oído…’
The interior of the car was old, well worn, and, to Jake’s admittedly novice eye, looked original. The only exception was the radio, with it's digital readout and the Bluetooth connection. Which meant that Bradshaw knew every line to whatever playlist he had chosen, and Jake kept getting distracted from his book to watch Bradshaw.
‘…as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at myself and realize there’s nothing left…’
There was something captivating about the sight. Bradshaw focused on the road, his hands drumming on the wheel as he sang along. Bradley did have a good voice; Jake didn’t have a musical bone in his body but it didn’t take one to know when someone could sing.
‘…how do you like me now, now that I'm on my way? do you still think I'm crazy standing here today?...’
But there was something more about this moment Jake couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something about the almost absent way he would sing along that Jake was willing to bet that Bradshaw wasn’t even aware that he was doing it. Like singing was something he just did.
‘…it’s just…a…a little crush, not like everything I do depends on you…’
It was enough that Jake stuck his finger in the book and relaxed back, head turned and watching the ocean flash by behind Bradshaw as they drove, heading up along the coast, the day’s future in Bradshaw’s hands because Jake hadn’t missed that the man had turned off the GPS once they had gotten on the freeway. His phone sitting next to the gear shift, clearly not needing it for where they were going. That sort of driving wasn’t something Jake had done since high school, and he was driving the same few city blocks to and from work and school as he tried to drag his future from the ground up where it had started.
‘…pretty fly for a white guy…’
‘…do you believe in life after love?...’
‘…somebody told me you had a girlfriend that looked like a boyfriend that I have in feburary of last year…’
“Hey,” Bradshaw said suddenly, distracting Jake from his musings.
“What?”
“My cameras in the back. Can you grab it?”
Jake frowned, not moving. “You’re driving.”
“And you’re staring,” Rooster replied, glancing at Jake with a smirk over the top of his glasses.
Jake huffed and turned even more, leaning back at the window and not bothering to be ashamed. “How long did you take lessons?” he asked instead.
Now Bradshaw looked confused. “Lessons?”
“Singing?”
Bradshaw shook his head. “Church Choir. Ms. Richards, the woman who ran it, she went to school for music so she knew what she was doing. And then I took a class in college because I needed an art credit and piano felt like just enough of a cop in that I didn’t want to do that.”
“You religious?” Jake asked, surprised that Rooster had gone to Church, especially after the conversation about ghosts.
“Nope, but my Mom was, so I went. It wasn’t bad. It was pretty chill as far as Church’s went, so I didn’t mind,” Bradley explained, relaxing back, one hand dropping to grab his drink. “You?”
“Nope. Never went,” Jake said, shrugging again.
“Thought it was kinda required being from Texas?”
Jake chuckled, unsurprised at the comment, but it still amused him whenever someone made that assumption. “I ain’t from Texas, Rooster.”
If this were a movie, Jake was sure Bradshaw would’ve slammed on the breaks to stare at him; instead, Jake got treated to a few seconds of Bradshaw opening his mouth to try and say something, and then close it, looking thoughtful only to try again. He chuckled again and shifted, looking out the front window, tilting the seat back a little bit more so he could relax, closing his eyes, thankful for his sunglasses.
“Huh,” what was Bradshaw finally settled on.
“I know it’s what people think, but the only time I was ever in Texas was when I was bouncing through or stationed there.”
“You sound like you are.”
“I sound like I’m from the South, there are a whole lotta option other than just Texas.”
A moment of silence before Rooster sighed. “Fair.”
Jake waited a beat.
“Soooo, where are you from?” Rooster asked, turning down the music.
For a second, Jake thought about making Bradshaw guess, but that moment passed. “Atlanta,” he replied, shrugging. "Georgia," he added unnecessarily. “Born and grew up there, same four walls until I left.”
“You go back often?” Bradley asked.
That was the kicker of the question, one Jake wished Bradshaw hadn’t asked. He sighed, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at the mountain they were driving around; the flash of the cliff going quickly enough almost made him feel ill. He finally shook his head.
“Nah, I ain’t been back since the day I stepped foot on the plane to go to the Academy,” Jake admitted, knowing how few people knew that about him. “Nothing to go back for.”
He waited a beat before he turned his head to look at Bradshaw, who was watching the road, a small furrow between his eyebrows, a questioning look on his face. But he didn't ask, didn't poke at the sore spots like they normally did, and that made Jake want to snap. He could feel the anger settling in his chest at the question, with the added frustration at how something so simple and commonplace still pissed him off even though it had been a long time.
“What?” Jake finally snapped, patience suddenly stretched thin. “Not gonna ask about my parents?”
That got Rooster to snort, but Jake had a feeling it wasn’t in amusement. “Trust me when I say I understand better than most about not wanting to talk about parents,” he said, voice quiet in the sudden heaviness in the car. “Alive or dead.”
“Alive,” Jake said before he could help himself, the anger still sitting in his chest, and he was talking before he could stop himself. “Didn’t want me. Didn’t want each other in the end. Didn’t hit me or nothin’ like that. But the day I graduated and walked was the day they split as well. I was a burden, but they were just good enough people to stick it out and make sure I didn’t die or end up in foster care until they didn’t have to anymore. But it was the bare bones.”
Part of Jake had wanted to feel absolved, to feel lighter after letting it out. Telling someone other than Javy his sad fucking family history, but the heaviness was still there. The knowledge that he hadn’t been wanted or loved growing up. It was a part of him that never went away, no matter how bright the smiles were whenever he managed to go back home with Javy or how excited people were to see him when he showed up. He had friends, he had the Machados and that extended family, but it would never erase the feeling of being an unwanted kid. The memories of getting straight A's, being voted in as Prom King, Junior and Senior year, the Captain of the Debate Team, Cross Country, and every other little thing Jake had done to make himself stand out, all for his parents to nod, say congratulations like you would to a stranger before going back to whatever it was they did.
“Just because they didn’t hit you doesn’t make it a good place to grow up,” Bradshaw said, his tone more reasonable than Jake had ever heard it, and it made Jake want to start an argument.
“Yeah? Learn that in therapy?”
“Of a kind. Got told a few times that just because my Mom loved me and did her best didn’t stop it from not being a good situation to grow up in as she got sicker and it was just us. And I shouldn’t have had to deal with a lot of the things I did deal with because I was a kid, and I deserved better even though there wasn’t anyone to blame. Same as you.” Bradshaw shrugged. “It’s not a competition. We can both have had shitty childhoods.”
“Life’s a competition, Rooster, it’s survival of the fittest out there.”
It was one of the basic tenants Jake had for himself that he needed to survive, and he needed to be the best. Nothing less would be acceptable.
“We’re human. We’re not meant to be alone. We survived as a race because we relied on each other. There’s no glory in going off on your own. Figured you’d learned that by now, Hangman.”
There was a bite of Rooster's voice, and when Jake glanced over, he could see the muscle in his jaw flexing, the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and he knew he was walking them out on a plank. Six weeks ago, he would’ve shoved them both overboard, but it didn’t take much to change a person, and the memory of that time, sitting in a plane, thinking both Rooster and Mav were dead, was fresh in his mind, and he couldn’t.
But walking them back from the plank was harder than he thought as he failed to think of anything to say that wasn’t going to result in an even worse argument.
Jake bit down on his cheek to stop himself from replying, the pain flaring up, the copper that flooded his mouth chasing away some of the haze. He reached for his water and downed it, turning his head to look back at the mountainside, knowing that, for the moment, he needed to be quiet before it turned into something they couldn’t come back from, and being in the car on the freeway was the last place to have an argument.
The silence sat before the music was turned back up, and Jake closed his eyes, focusing on the song instead of the past.
‘…I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside swallow my doubt, turn it inside out find nothin' but faith in nothin’…’
“You hungry?”
“Not really, you?”
“No.”
‘…mental wounds not healing, life's a bitter shame I'm going off the rails on a crazy train…’
“Take the next left,” Jake said, looking down at his phone as Bradshaw followed the direction to the hotel he had found last minute, a small bed and breakfast that boasted a relaxed charm only a few minutes from the iconic Solvang windmill. Whatever that meant.
Rooster took the next left, and Jake waved a hand toward the sign for the hotel, glad when there was no one else around, which let them pull in right to the reception door. Bradshaw parked, and Jake got out without saying anything, thankful for the moment’s reprieve as he walked into the lobby and checked in, forever grateful that it was late enough they were able to get the room because as soon as they did, Jake was going to go and do…something. Something that took him away from Rooster and the awkward pall that had lingered over the rest of their car trip, neither of them speaking.
The only redeeming factor was that Solvang hadn’t been far from Glendale, and the trip had barely been two and a half hours long. He took the keys with a smile from the bored-looking front desk worker and walked back out, finding Rooster out of the car, leaning against the hood with his head tilted back, soaking up the afternoon sun, the plain overshirt with white t-shirt underneath both rumpled from being in a bag, but they suited Rooster.
He looked good.
Jake ignored that thought.
“We’re just at the end,” Jake said, moving to pull open the passenger door and get back in.
He watched as Rooster stayed where he was for a moment and fought the urge to reach over and honk just to see if he could startle Bradshaw. He waited a moment longer before watching as Rooster’s shoulders lifted and dropped and he pushed away, walking around and getting into the driver’s side. They sat in silence before Rooster sighed again, turned the car on, and drove to the end of the row where Jake pointed. Most of the lot was empty, and Jake didn’t know if it was because it was off-season or because it was the middle of the day.
The hotel room was fine. It wasn’t anything special, but it had two beds and a bathroom door that locked, giving the promise of alone time. He dropped his bag onto the bed closest to the window that he had been marking as his since the first night in LA and rubbed a hand over his face, wondering if two showers in the space of five hours was too many.
“What are we doing?”
Jake dropped his hand and turned, looking at Rooster, who was sitting on the side of the bed facing Jake, elbows on his knees, and staring at Jake. Jake opened his mouth, wanting to make some glib comment, but he bit it back at the last moment. Instead, he dropped onto the end of the bed and turned his head so he could meet the other man’s eyes.
“Solvang was your idea,” Jake said instead of trying to put into words what was happening.
“Why’d you agree?”
Jake was quiet before shaking his head and standing. “If we’re going to do this, I’m going to need alcohol.”
“Think that’ll help?” Rooster asked, even as he stood.
“Can’t make it worse.”
“Why’d you agree?”
By silent agreement, they had walked until they found something open, a locally owned restaurant that boasted the finest traditional Danish food. Most importantly was the semi-private outdoor seating and the fact that the restaurant only had two other groups, both inside. Seated, beers in front of them, and food ordered, not that Jake knew what he had gotten; he had enjoyed the silence for what it was only for Rooster to open his big mouth.
“Why did you agree to come to Disneyland? Or come with me yesterday?” Jake shot back, not willing to give in and admit it first, and riling up Rooster was something he excelled at.
But this was Rooster, someone Jake had never quite managed to get a read on despite being at each other's throats for years. Most of the time, he was easy to rile up, but sometimes, Rooster had a way of cutting to the heart of the matter that made it nearly impossible to ignore, especially when there was nothing else to distract either of them.
“Because I didn’t have anything else better to do,” Rooster replied, in that blunt manner of his and it took the wind out of Jake’s sails at the simple statement. “Your turn.”
He rubbed a hand over his face and downed half the beer in one long swallow, setting it down and pinching the bridge of his nose, knowing he was on edge partly because of the unknown but also because he didn’t know what to do with this new version of them.
“I don’t live in San Diego; it’s not home, and there’s nothing there for me. It’s just a base I’ve spent time on, and I didn’t really want to stick around,” Jake said, dropping his hand and meeting Bradley’s gaze.
“It’s home for me, but there’s nothing there either,” Bradley said, sitting back in his chair. “So, what are we doing?”
“I have no fucking clue,” Jake said, surprised at how good it felt to let that out. “You have an idea?”
“Fuck no.”
Jake was saved from answering by the waitress's reappearance, and they both ordered another beer. Once she was gone, he leaned forward, irritation at the unknown sitting in his gut, making him feel like he had a rotten core he needed to exorcise. “I don’t want to go back to San Diego.”
“Me either,” Rooster said, words almost overlapping Jake’s with how quickly he got them out. “So, what does that mean?”
Jake shrugged, looking out around the town and the people walking there, wondering if they were at home or tourists. It was hard to tell. He thought about prevaricating, about pushing the answer back toward Rooster, but then he sighed, turning his head back to the man and meeting his eyes. “I think it means we’re on a fuckin’ road trip.”
Surprise crossed Bradshaw’s face as he leaned back, fingers tapping at the tabletop. They sat in silence, neither of them looking away until the waitress reappeared with their food and another beer, but even then, Jake couldn’t help but glance back over at Bradshaw, who was looking back each time. The waitress double-checked that they were fine before she left, smart enough to sense something was going on.
“Looks like,” Rooster said, picking up his knife and fork and beginning to eat. “So, what’s the plan?”
“We haven’t planned so far, so why ruin it?” Jake asked, looking down at the food. It looked good, some sort of pork with parsley and potatoes. It smelled good, and his stomach rumbled, suddenly hungrier than he had expected. The four hash browns and a bag of chips hadn’t really been enough.
They ate in silence, but Jake kept wanting to look at Rooster. Instead, he forced himself to look around the area they were in, taking in the sights. It really was a cute old town, making him feel like he was somewhere other than Southern California, and the more he looked, the more he felt something like stress fall off his shoulders as he finished his meal and sat back, grabbing the beer and sipping at it.
“Look, regardless of what we do after breakfast tomorrow, I need to do laundry because I didn’t expect to be gone more than a few days, so why don’t we do that and walk around a bit?” Jake asked when Rooster was also done. “Figure it out from there.”
Rooster mirrored him. “Alright. Laundry it is.”
There was something surreal about shoving his clothes into a machine in a small town, Rooster next to him, their matching Navy duffle bags sitting on the floor between them. It was almost empty aside from a harried-looking woman who was half watching a pair of kids and half trying to read something. It took a few seconds to get the machines running. They stood there staring at each other before Rooster huffed and started walking back toward the door, camera slung around his neck. “We need to be back in forty.”
“Aye, aye, Lt,” Jake said, shoving his hands into his pockets and following Rooster, catching up to him as they started wandering down what Jake figured was the main street. It was kitschy, the sort of kitschy that made him excited because it felt like the people who lived there cared. “So, they built this place like this, or did people come, and they turned it into this?”
“Built it, and then they came,” Rooster replied, nodding toward one of the buildings as he pulled up the camera and started taking photos. “Bunch of Danish people settled here, before someone started building the windmills and it all just kinda took off. We could take a history tour if you wanted to know more.”
Jake hummed noncommittally, peering over Rooster's shoulder at the small screen to see the photos. It was a photo; he couldn’t tell if it was good or not, but Rooster seemed satisfied as he started walking again. They kept moving, stopping and peering into stores, and Jake made note of a few of the bakeries he wanted to come back to in the morning when everything was fresh.
“It’s different,” Rooster said suddenly.
Jake looked at him. “What is?”
“This place,” he explained, waving a hand around. “I’ve only ever come during Christmas when it’s all done up, and nothing’s really in bloom.”
There were flower beds everywhere, all of them in full bloom and a riot of colors, the sky a bright blue that made the architecture even more whimsical — like something out of the ending of a Disney movie when the bad guy had been defeated by true love.
“It’s cool,” Jake said, the word not enough, but it was the only one he had.
“Yeah,” Rooster replied, lifting the camera and taking a few more shots as he turned.
Jake ducked out of the way when the camera pointed his way, getting an amused huff from Rooster. He rolled his eyes and started walking, coming to a stop as he rounded a corner and stared up at the windmill, aware of Rooster stopping next to him. “Wow,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a windmill in person.”
“Really? Not even in Europe?”
“No,” Jake said. “I know they’re in the Netherlands, but that’s on the list of places to go, and I don’t often spend time in the country. Well, I did in Italy, but there weren’t a lot of windmills around me.”
“Huh,” Rooster replied before he nodded. “Come on, there’s a few others we should be able to see before we have to go back and switch the laundry.”
With that, he started walking, leaving Jake to catch up. They rounded another corner, and Jake spotted another windmill, this one white, and more shops that made Jake want to duck inside and peruse to see if there was anything worth buying.
“Hey.”
Jake turned, seeing Rooster holding out the camera. “What?”
“Can you take a photo?” he asked.
“It’s not gonna be the best, but sure,” Jake said, taking the camera and staring down at it, surprised at the trust, especially with the almost argument that felt like a lifetime ago instead of a few hours. One Jake wasn't sure if he needed to apologize for, but it wasn't like they were known for their apologies.
“The one you took at Disneyland was good. Just make sure it’s in focus and I can edit it later,” Rooster explained as he took a few steps back and stood.
Jake stared down at the camera and then up at Rooster before he sighed, lifting it and taking a moment to get used to the viewfinder and the shutter before he took a few photos, figuring at least one of them would work out. He handed the camera back just as the timer in his pocket went off. “Come on, we should finish the laundry and finish exploring. I spotted a gift shop I want to visit before we head back to the hotel.”
“Of course you did,” Rooster said, looking fondly amused of all things. “Keychain or book this time?”
“Fridge magnet, clearly,” Jake stated as if it should've been obvious.
“Oh, duh. Shot glasses at the next place?”
“Now you’re getting it.”
Waking to the sight of Hangman stretching on the floor for the third day in a row made Bradley groan as he rolled away, pulling the covers back overhead and trying to push the image of muscles moving over bone, the ease at which Hangman would drop into stretches that made his hips ache just thinking about it. Which might be a good reason to get up and join Hangman, but the last thing he wanted to do when he first woke up was any sort of exercise, especially when he wasn’t on duty.
“Madonna Inn.”
Hangman sounded slightly breathless, which in his barely-awake mind conjured a whole lot of images that had never been conjured before, at least not about Hangman. He shoved them away. “What?”
“Madonna Inn. It’s this over-the-top hotel up in San Luis Obispo, a few hours north along Highway One. I’ve always wanted to go, and it’s kinda insane. Might make for some fun photos.”
Bradley was quiet as he let that percolate in his mind, surprised, once again, that Hangman thought of him when making the suggestion. Of course, Bradley remembered the idea coming to him yesterday, Solvang. The little tourist town that held nothing but good memories of him and his Mom and its kitschy design and how much Hangman would like it. And he had, if the grin as he wandered through the souvenir store, as well as a few others while they waited for their clothes to dry, was any indication.
The almost argument in the car had left an awkward pall over the rest of the day that had lessened as time went on, but if Bradley thought about it too much, he could still feel the anger sitting in his stomach, and he didn’t know if it was at the thought of how Hangman had grown up, or because the conversation had started to hit home especially while driving to a place that had meant something to him and his Mom. And he hadn’t had the heart to come back after she had died, wanting to preserve the memories he had of her in a place that wasn’t touched by her Cancer.
He heard Hangman groan before footsteps sounded, and he listened as Hangman began to dig into his bag, no doubt about to shower.
“Sounds good,” he said, figuring he wouldn’t sleep as he forced himself to sit up. “We can grab breakfast and see if there’s anything else we want to do here before we go.”
“There’s a few bakeries I wouldn’t mind swinging past,” Hangman said, looking up at him, hard to make out in the semi-darkness, but his outline was familiar by now.
“You ever have aebleskiver?” Bradley asked, pulling the blankets around his shoulders, not cold but he enjoyed their weight.
“Can’t say I have. What are they?”
“You’ll see,” Bradley said as he reached for his phone, the bright light making him blink a few times before they adjusted.
The door to the bathroom closed, and Bradley let out a soft sigh. The sudden barrier between him and Hangman felt a little bit like relief as he dropped his head forward, rolling his neck to get rid of the tension he could feel lingering. It wasn’t that bad, as far as their arguments went, but it was more vulnerable than Bradley had ever been with the other man.
Thinking about it reminded him of planning a funeral at sixteen, alone and trying to figure everything else, well-wishers, lawyers, and CPS circling around him like sharks as he tried to make sense of a world where he thought his Mom was going to be fine only to die three days later, and the relief when Mav had appeared, rumpled and in uniform and red-rimmed eyes bright from sadness and the long flight, but the first thing he had done was hug Bradley and start to talk to the woman from CPS about wills and how Bradley was going to be staying with him.
Bradley had a feeling Jake had never had a Mav, and despite the rocky history he had with his Godfather, it didn’t erase all the good Mav had done, even if Bradley had spent a lot of time trying to forget about that. Thinking about Mav had him pulling up the sparse text messages with his Godfather, the last one from midmorning yesterday, a picture of some winery they were in. An image that still made Bradley snort at the thought of Mav at a winery.
Hondo having fun? Bradley texted, not expecting anything back from Mav anytime soon, but he suddenly wanted to talk to Mav. To start to figure out a way to thank Mav for taking that once herculean task from Bradley and letting him grieve, even though Mav would've also been grieving.
There was another voice message from Nat. He laid back down, tugging the blankets over his head to shut out the world while he waited for his turn in the shower and pressed play.
‘I love her, Bradshaw. I do. But I am going to kill her. I swear I am. She started interrogating Bob about his dating history, his family life and I like Bob, I do. But not like that. He’s my back seater you know? He’s kinda like a puppy; you can’t help but want to bring him home, and he would be good for someone but not me, you know? I’m mean. Right. We’re mean. You understand. We need people with a backbone, but my Mom just sees a sweet man who cleans up after himself and does the dishes without prompting, and suddenly, she's envisioning roses and white wedding dresses. I hate roses, I don’t want to wear a white dress and Bob’s allergic to flowers so they’d need to be paper anyway. Oh my god, she’s coming...’
The message cut off, and Bradley snorted at his friend, wondering if she would ever realize how much she talked about Bob, even without prompting. He pulled up his messages. ‘Have you considered eloping?’
The ‘get fucked’ came almost immediately, and Bradley snorted, hearing the shower shut off and he started scrolling through the rest of the messages, replying to people as he needed, catching up on the gossip he had been missing, including in the Daggers chat that featured a selfie of Harvard, Fritz, Yale and a man Bradley presumed to be Harvard’s boyfriend on a boat, and Omaha and Halo and their twin girlfriends, prompting another flurry of questions from everyone else.
The door opened, letting light in even though the covers over his head and he heard Hangman chuckle. He ignored it in favor of tugging the blankets down and looking over, his voice dying in his throat as Hangman turned, the small towel barely covering him, and each time he stepped, all Bradley could see was a flash of his thigh. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, forcing his mind to calm down because it was Hangman, and he had been in the middle of a dry spell but that didn’t mean he wanted Hangman.
“Who met the twins first, Omaha or Halo?” Bradley asked, sitting back up and dropping his phone on the side table.
“Omaha,” Hangman replied, dropping his towel as he began to get dressed, and Bradley looked away out of habit as he stood, pressing his hands against his lower back and arching, the ache feeling good for a moment before he relaxed with a sigh and rolled his shoulders. “He was dating Ashley and didn’t realize she had a twin until he kissed Stacy in hello, and he got slapped. They cleared that up, and when Halo got back to town, she and Stacy had a meet-cute. It’s kinda ridiculous, but it feels like it’s serious, you know?”
“Not really,” Bradley admitted, being the first to acknowledge that he was not the best when it came to long-term relationships. He knew he had commitment issues, so he just made sure he never committed for too long and hurt someone.
He was aware of Hangman staring at him, and he ignored him in favor of grabbing his clothes, thankfully all freshly washed, and stood with his small bag. He wondered if Hangman had seriously dated anyone since Maria had left him.
“Breakfast?” Bradley asked before Hangman could pry more into that.
“Waitin’ for you, darlin’,” Hangman said as he finished pulling his shirt on and shot Bradley a grin that made his hackles raise out of habit.
He rolled his eyes, ignoring the comment and the darling for his own sanity.
“Holy shit.”
Bradley leaned forward to avoid getting a mess on his shirt as he bit into another one of the little donuts he had gotten him and Hangman, still full from the breakfast that was better than he remembered, but the promise of the small pancakes, covered in powdered sugar and jam had been hard to ignore and he could feel the sugar and caffeine hitting his bloodstream.
Hangman looked like he was having a religious experience as he bit into another one, eyes hidden behind sunglasses, but Bradley had a feeling they were closed as he chewed.
“Right?” Bradley said, the two of them standing against a wall as they ate, the small crowd of people beginning to grow as the day wore on.
“Where have these been my whole life?” Hangman asked, mouthful of donuts as he chewed and swallowed before eating another one, humming happily in a way that had Bradley smiling at how cute it was. It was a softness he hadn’t ever really seen from Hangman before, even over the past two days.
He grabbed the camera hanging around his neck and lifted it, experience making it easy to turn on and focus with one hand, quickly taking a photo before the other man could notice or shy away like he tended to do whenever the camera was pointing his way.
“I saw that,” Hangman said, even as he took another bite, humming again.
Bradley chose not to reply as he looked at the photo, spotting the powder sugar smear across Hangman’s cheek, the smile curling at the edges of his mouth, cheeks puffed with food. It was as casual as Bradley had ever seen the man, and he dropped the camera, making a mental note to upload the photos in case Hangman got his hands on the camera and managed to delete them.
“It’s okay, I know I’m photogenic,” Hangman said, lifting a hand and pushing his sunglasses up with the back of them, smirking at Bradley.
“Nah, you just look like ass. Gonna share it with the group,” Bradley replied smoothly, figuring Hangman knew he was lying by the huffed break and head shake.
They finished the donuts in silence before beginning to walk back down the street, Bradley stopping now and again to take another photo, trying to catch Hangman from time to time, but the man was wily, ducking out of the way with a sidelong glare or, in one memorable occasion, hiding behind a statue. Bradley took a photo anyway, the edges of Hangman’s shoulders visible on either side of the statue, making for an amusing image.
“Are we gonna head up to San Luis today?” Hangman asked as they wandered down another street, now and again ducking into a store.
“I think so unless there’s something else you wanna do first?” Bradley said.
Hangman shrugged, tugging his phone out of his back pocket. “Not really, I just need to call and see if we can even get a room.”
A shop up ahead caught Bradley’s attention, and he nodded toward it. “I’m gonna check that out while you call?”
Hangman nodded, glancing at the store. “You a cook?”
“Nah, Nat is tho.”
“Phoenix?” Hangman asked, surprised.
“Oh yeah,” Bradley said, thinking of the few dinners she had hosted, glaring at all of them as if daring to make some housewife comment. She was a good cook and didn’t get a chance to do it often.
“Huh.”
There was an awkward moment where Bradley waited for Hangman to make some sort of snarky comment, but he just looked back at his phone, and Bradley left, feeling wrong-footed for making the assumption. The store was clean and smelled like the various spices but not so overwhelming he felt the need to sneeze. He nodded to the workers before pulling out his phone and sending a photo of the place to Nat. want anything?
The phone rang a second later.
“Where the fuck are you?” Nat asked, without preamble.
“A spice store.”
“No, shit. Where, though?”
“Solvang.” There was a prolonged silence as Bradley began to wander the store. Nat knew about his history with the town and knew that he hadn’t gone back because he was afraid of ruining the good memories he had with his Mom. Memories that were still there and good, despite the new ones forming as he settled into the idea of being on a road trip with Hangman.
“I’m good,” he said finally, knowing she would drop it if he didn’t say anything, but Nat was his best friend for a reason.
“Are you?”
Bradley gave the question the time it needed, letting himself think it through before he nodded. “Yeah, I am,” he said honestly.
“Cool. Get me something weird. I don’t need anything basic; I’ve got all of those,” Nat said with the blunt acceptance that had quickly made them best friends back when they first met.
“Can do,” he said, still wandering the store. “How’s your Mom?”
Nat groaned and began to talk, venting about everything in a soft whisper that told Bradley she was still in the house. He listened as he perused the spices, pulling one down now and again, keeping a few until he was juggling a handful he couldn’t decide between, and figured getting them all would be a good idea.
“Alright, I’ve got us a room for the night,” Hangman said from behind Bradley, a hand appearing and taking a few of the spices he was juggling. “Kinda pricy since it's last minute, but it’s got big beds, so that works.”
“Who’s that?” Nat asked, suddenly suspicious.
“Um,” Bradley said, turning, seeing the wide-eyed realization on Hangman’s face when he spotted the phone. “Gotta go, bye, tell Bob I said hello!”
“Bradshaw, who the fuck is with you!?”
He hung up, slipping his phone into his pocket, unsurprised to feel it buzz a second later, but he ignored it as he took the spices back from Hangman and walked over to the teller.
“Ms. Trace?” Hangman asked as he joined Bradley, leaning against the counter as the teller began to ring them up.
“Yep.”
“Sorry.”
Bradley shrugged. “What for?”
Hangman shot him a look that Bradley had no trouble parsing. Whatever this was, it was between them. Bradley had a sinking suspicion that if they let the outside world in, then it would be over long before it could even start. With a sigh, he tugged his phone out, ignoring the text’s and shot one back, knowing that Nat would drop it if he asked.
I’ll tell you later. Promise.
You better fucking have a good story.
He tilted his phone, letting Hangman see it, hearing the huff.
“Am I your dirty little secret, darlin’?” Hangman asked, leaning in and looking at Bradley from under his eyelashes, eyes big and green.
“Yes,” Bradley replied bluntly. “The dirtiest.”
That got Hangman to snort and the teller to make a surprised noise. Bradley shot her an apologetic look, one that earned him a flat glare that confused him but made Hangman laugh as he headed out of the store.
“Um, thanks,” he said when he was given the bag, and he turned to follow Hangman, confused by the interaction.
The confusion must’ve shown on his face when he joined Hangman because the man chuckled again. “She thinks you’re steppin’ out on Phoenix with me.”
Bradley replayed the conversation in his mind and let out a groan, looking back behind him, wondering if it would be worth the effort to go and clear things up, but the twin glares he got made him flinch, even as Hangman broke into laughter and curled a hand around Bradley’s elbow, beginning to walk, not helping in the slightest, but Bradley didn’t know them and really, it wasn’t his fault they misunderstood.
“Well, just remember. If they ever met Phoenix, they would quickly understand why steppin’ out on her would not be a good idea.”
“You are a goddamn pain in the ass,” Bradley said, shaking his head and tugging his elbow out of Hangman’s grip, heading into the first store he spotted, which turned out to have a wall of clocks, all ticking away, Hangman a step behind him.
“Oh, hell yes,” Hangman said, veering to the right almost immediately.
Bradley followed him, spotting a wall of snow globes that Hangman was inspecting carefully. “For you?”
“Nah, Dino’s Mom collects them,” Jake explained, picking up one that had a windmill with a small reindeer in front of them. He turned it over, making it snow with a grin before bringing it up to the counter, only to veer to the right, Bradley trailing along behind him to a row of musical boxes.
“For Dino’s Mom?”
“Javy’s,” Hangman replied, opening one, the tinkling music coming out.
“Canon in D,” Bradley said after a second of listening.
That made Hangman pause and turn, raising an eyebrow, before, in clear challenge, closed the first one and opened a second. Bradley crossed his arms as he listened. “Blue Danube Waltz.” Hangman opened another. “Waltz of the Flowers.”
“Moonlight Sonata.”
“Nocturn.”
“Beethoven’s 9th.”
“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”
“I could’ve gotten that one.” Hangman looked impressed and annoyed about it as he closed the box and grabbed the first one. “Impressive.”
“They’re well-known songs, it’s not that hard,” Bradley said, shrugging.
“People might know the songs, but actually knowing the names is different,” Hangman replied, wandering up to the front and buying the music box and snow globe. “Most people don’t know the names.”
Bradley thought of Jake’s comment yesterday about parents who didn’t want him and wondered if Hangman was buying them because he wanted to give them as gifts or because, at some point, Hangman had figured out that buying people things sometimes kept them around a little bit longer. But then he thought about Coyote. They were all assholes, you kind of had to be in their job, competing and flying the way they flew, but Coyote was one of the few who managed to be an asshole and also nice, and that kinda nice had to come from somewhere. Fanboy and Bob were the same way.
Bradley was well aware he leaned heavily into the asshole side of things but had comforted himself with the knowledge that he might be an asshole, but he wasn’t as bad as Hangman. Except now, watching as Hangman bought gifts for two people just because he could made him wonder how much of an asshole Hangman really was.
“Most people don’t have ten years of classical piano lessons,” Bradley replied, a beat later than he should've.
“Don’t suppose they do,” Hangman said, not noticing or ignoring the moment of silence as he shot Bradley a smile. “Ready to go? Unless there’s something else?”
“Nah, we should get going before it’s too late,” Bradley said, following Hangman outside and back toward the car, hoping, more than anything, that Hangman just liked buying gifts for people because he enjoyed it and didn’t expect anything back.
Bradley shoved his hand in his pocket, toying with the edge of the bright blue motel keychain that suddenly felt a lot heavier than it had been yesterday when he had threaded it on, Hangman’s nose already buried in the book Bradley had gotten him. It had been a gift, something small that doubled as a dig at his, admittedly, vintage preferences, the sort of sly humor that Hangman was known for, and had made even Bradley laugh more than once over the years.
But he had a sudden feeling there was more to it, but he just didn’t know what.
Notes:
pls enjoy my photoship skills lol
Chapter Text
“Wait, shit, take this exit,” Jake said, jerking up from where he had been lounging, enjoying the scenery.
They had just left Solvang, barely on the freeway, and so far traffic was on their side, which made it easier for Rooster to jerk them over a lane and take the exit, barely making it, the few people behind them laying on their horns.
“What the fuck?” Bradshaw asked, even as Jake finished sitting up and looking around. “Are you about to shit yourself or something?”
“Take a right,” Jake said as he turned to find the sign he had spotted from the freeway.
“Why?” Bradshaw demanded even as he took the right.
“Because I don’t feel like wearing the same three pairs of clothing for however long we do this,” Jake replied, nodding his head toward what he had seen.
It wasn’t hard to miss, and Bradshaw sighed, hitting the turn signal and pulling into the parking lot, the giant Target sign clearly made it entice people in from the freeway like some sort of capitalist siren. Bradshaw parked, and they sat there, staring at the middling crowd of various people from all walks of life as they walked in and out of the store.
“You couldn’t have mentioned before we left?” Bradshaw asked even as he turned the car off and made to get out.
“Didn’t think about it until I saw the sign,” Jake admitted, getting out and shoving his hands in his pockets as they headed into the store. “I didn’t pack for this.”
“Me either,” Rooster said softly, like it was a secret.
It wasn’t a surprise, but Jake also knew how much the navy issue duffels could carry, as well as how much more they could carry if he folded everything right. He’d be able to fit more clothes into it easily. They entered, and Bradley, before Jake had even said anything, veered to the right towards the Starbucks sitting right at the entrance.
“Really?” Jake asked, not bothering to keep the judgment out of his voice. It was the third coffee Bradshaw had had for the day, and Jake was beginning to suspect that Bradshaw ran on coffee, spite, and little else.
“Bite me,” Bradshaw replied, waving over his shoulder. “Meet you back at the car when we’re done?”
“Fine,” Jake muttered, turning and heading deeper into the store.
It didn’t take long for Jake to find what he needed, grabbing the five-pack of shirts and briefs he preferred before finding a second pair of jeans just to be safe. He stopped, staring around the store, knowing Rooster probably hadn’t even started. With a sigh, he started wandering, already itching to get back on the road. His phone buzzed, and normally, he’d ignore it, but then it buzzed again, and he pulled it out to see Javy texting, so Jake called him before the next text came through.
Javy picked up immediately and started talking.
“Dude, get this. So, Mom was talking to Aunt Shirley right, and you know Cousin Maya is getting married to Fred in a few months?”
“I remember,” Jake said, looking at a rack of sweatshirts and thought of the one Disney one he had gotten, and grabbed a second one just in case. He didn’t get cold easily, but when he did, it was nearly impossible for him to warm back up without a shower.
“Right. So apparently, Cousin Elsie is pregnant and is due the same day as the wedding,” Javy said.
“Fuck,” Jake said, stopping and staring off into the distance. “How’s Maya taking it?”
“Well, the only reason she didn’t fight Elise is because she’s pregnant. From what Mom told me, it wasn’t that bad?”
There was a scuffle over the phone, and Jake smiled as he heard Javy’s sigh before Beth came on the line. He started walking again, his eyes darting around the store, stopping just long enough to pick up a pair of swim trunks, figuring that it was more likely than not since they were in California. He debated grabbing a basket but decided against it for the moment. He’d end up buying stuff he didn’t need if he grabbed it.
“Jav’s being nice. Maya is debating removing Elsie from the wedding altogether, even though she was the Maid of Honor, because she doesn’t want to get in the way. Maya’s acting all gracious about it, but you can totally tell how pissed off she is, especially since she and Fred have been together forever, and Elsie’s only been with her boyfriend for four months. Aunt Shirley doesn’t really know what to do, but Aunt Elsie and Aunt Maya are taking sides, and it’s about to be a war. Mama Machado is trying to keep the peace but shit.”
“How’s Uncle Javier taking the news about pre-marital sex?” Jake asked, remembering the first time he met Javy’s namesake, and how the two of them were so dissimilar. Uncle Javier was the sort of old-school Catholic that grated at Jake’s nerves and made him want to start an argument. The only thing that stopped him from starting one was the fact that everyone else was just as done with Uncle Javier’s shit as he was.
“About as well as can be expected. We’ll keep you updated. How are you, babe?”
“I’m fine,” Jake said, already knowing that wouldn’t be enough for the two of them. They worried about him, and it was something he still wasn’t used to, but he was getting better.
“Are you? Are you really?”
There was an edge to Dino’s voice, an undercurrent of worry that made Jake sigh, not bothering to hide it. “I’m fine,” he repeated. “The two of you need to stop worrying so much. I’m an adult. I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
“Just because you are doesn’t mean I won’t worry, asshole,” Dino said. “Where are you?”
“Leave the man alone!” Javy said, voice half muffled but still close enough that Jake could make it out. Javy was just as bad as Dino was, so Jake knew it was nothing more than lip service.
“I’m at Target buying more underwear,” Jake replied, shaking his head as he tucked his phone between his shoulder and ear and grabbed a pack of razors he preferred, knowing the last thing he needed was to deal with a beard on this trip.
“Oh, oh!” Dino said, suddenly entirely too excited. “There’s a special edition of this book I want us to read you can only get there. I’ll text you the details so you can grab it.”
“What’s it about?” Jake asked warily.
“Surprise!”
Jake groaned, giving into the inevitable and grabbing a basket as he passed a stand, dumping the stuff in before he headed over to where the books were. “I hate this already,” he said, half afraid of whatever the book was about.
“Better you than me, dude,” Javy said, sounding closer this time and Dino’s laugh sounded muffled.
It was easy to picture them curled up on a couch together as they often were, loving any time they spent together. They had the sort of relationship that Jake wanted, the easy back and forth, the teasing, the way they just fit together in so many ways that it made sense. He thought he had had that with Maria; he opened his mouth to ask about the wedding but then thought better of it, knowing he’d do nothing but compare it to the wedding she had been talking about with him.
“One day, I’ll learn,” Jake said as he got to the books and sighed. “Look, I gotta go, have fun, yeah?”
“We will!” Javy said. “Do me a favor and send me at least one photo of you doing something other than reading, or cleaning. Otherwise, I’m gonna tell Ma that you’re alone.”
“Asshole,” Jake said, hanging up as Javy started laughing, shaking his head as a series of texts came through, and he spotted the book Dino had mentioned almost immediately. He took in the cover and regretted everything that had led him to this moment, even as he grabbed two of them and dropped them into the basket before taking a photo of the ones on the shelves.
[DinoManYote Chat]
Me: [attached photo]
Me: Books gotten, and here’s the photo you requested
Javy: THAT DOESN’T COUNT
Me: You said a photo of me doing something other than reading or cleaning
Me: So there you go
Dino: hes got you there
Chuckling, Jake slipped the phone back into his pocket and figured he had given Rooster enough time by now to grab what he needed as he made his way back, stopping by the chip aisle and grabbing a bag for the road, as well as some more water, figuring even though Madonna Inn wasn’t far away, he’d get hungry before they got there.
Making his way to the front, Jake paused as something caught his attention. Before he could think about it, he grabbed them, adding them to the basket and not thinking about it.
It was a warm day, and Jake tilted his head back, eyes closed as he leaned against the back bumper, waiting for Rooster to finish shopping. He leaned back further, resting his head against the back of the car, a little uncomfortable but he couldn’t be bothered trying to find Rooster in the store. He could feel the warmth sinking into his bones, and he let out a contented sigh, feeling something akin to relaxed for the first time since they had gotten back from the mission.
“Ah, fuck shit.”
Jake opened his eyes to see Rooster fumbling with his phone, catching it even as he dropped the bags he was carrying, his coffee spilling down his arm causing the man to jerk away with a hiss. He stayed where he was, watching as Rooster licked over his arm with a scowl, shoving his phone into his pocket.
“Should be watching where you’re going,” Jake said, getting flipped off in response. He grinned. “You good?” Jake asked, making no move to help, not sure if it would be welcome.
“Fine,” Rooster said, looking down at his arm before he sighed and bent over, grabbing the bags and finishing walking over. Jake shifted to the side, letting Rooster open up the trunk so they could toss their things inside. “Find everything?”
“Yeah, you?” Jake asked, grabbing the bottle of water and bag of chips. He saw the bright red boxes he had grabbed and suddenly felt like it had been the dumbest idea ever.
“And more,” Bradshaw muttered, sounding irritated.
Jake turned in time to flinch back from something shoved at him, and he took it out of surprise, looking down at the gray roll. It took a second for his mind to catch up to the yoga mat he was holding. “What?”
“Hotel carpet is gross. The last thing I want is you tracking something into my car when you do your yogi impersonation every morning,” Rooster said.
“It’s not a one-star hotel. The carpets fine,” Jake replied, even as he looked at the mat and rubbed a thumb over the label, wondering how Rooster had come across one of these since Jake was sure clothing wasn't anywhere near the workout stuff. He was suddenly struck with the image of him searching for the mat. Which meant that Rooster had been thinking about him, and that had to be wrong. “Thanks, though. Should’ve gotten yourself one and you could join me.”
The offer was honest, and Jake expected Rooster to say no since he was anything but a morning person, but he was surprised when the man shrugged.
“Maybe, we’ll see,” Rooster said.
“Well, anytime,” Jake said, looking down at the yoga mat again before putting it in the car and, before he could think about it, grabbed the two small boxes he had found and handed them over to Bradshaw, feeling less stupid now.
He watched Bradshaw take them and stared at them before he burst out laughing, whipping out his phone and taking a photo almost immediately before shaking his head. “Dr. Pepper and Hot Tamale Peeps, who in the fuck decided these should be made?”
“Don’t knock Peeps, they’re a classic,” Jake said.
“You like them?” Bradshaw demanded, looking aghast.
“Love ‘em. Try not to eat them, but there’s something about the way they stick to your teeth that is so good.”
Bradshaw wrinkled his nose. “Well, thank you,” he said with the air of someone who was trying to be polite but Jake could see through it.
He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking around to the passenger side. “Figured it’d be right up your alley,” he said, waiting for the car to be unlocked before getting in.
Rooster got in a second later, the package of peeps in his hands as he pulled one of each out, and with a smirk that didn’t quite meet his eyes, shoved them both in his mouth and started to chew, turning the car on. Jake chuckled at the look on his face as he chewed, some part of him imagining taking a photo of this moment and sending it to Javy and seeing the response. He watched as Rooster tried not to make a face and failed as he swallowed, and grabbed his coffee, downing it quickly before making a disgusted face.
“No?” Jake asked, raising his eyebrows and doing his best to keep the innocent look on his face.
“No,” Rooster replied, shaking his head. “Thank you, but no.”
Part of Jake was curious, but he was good at ignoring that part of himself after weekend liberty during the academy when he had done a bunch of shit he was curious about to try and make friends before deciding he didn’t need any friends. He settled back into the seat as Rooster turned the car on and rolled down the window before he started driving.
“You can change the music if you want,” Rooster said, distracting Jake from where he was relaxing, mind drifting through nothing as he watched the world go by.
“What?” Jake asked, turning to look at Bradshaw, one arm out the window, the warm breeze feeling good as it moved through the car.
“The music, you can change it if you want. I don’t mind. I like most music,” Rooster repeated, nodding his head toward the stereo.
“It’s fine,” Jake replied, some song he vaguely knew from the radio playing in the background. “Never been big into music anyway.”
“What?”
Jake glanced at Rooster, grinning when he saw an almost offended look on his face. “What?”
“Not into music? How can you not like music?” he demanded.
“I didn’t say I don’t like music; I said that I wasn’t big into music. I like music, and I’ve even been to concerts, but it’s not something that holds a higher value in my life.”
“What does that mean?” Bradshaw asked, still sounding offended, but also curious enough that Jake was silent for a moment to try and figure out a way to explain it.
“There are things in my life that I prioritize. My job, my friends, a partner if I’m dating someone, myself, and stuff like that. They come first. And then there are things that I want to have in my life. Books, traveling, meeting new people, finding a new fun café, learning. Stuff like that. For some people, music would be part of that, or TV, or movies or something. But it’s not for me.”
Jake thought about mentioning that music, TV, and movies weren’t big for him because he hadn’t had much of any of them growing up. Mostly what he saw at friends' places or the few times his parents let him watch something on TV. He had learned how to entertain himself in other ways. He had a feeling Bradley wouldn’t understand, and the memory of the almost argument yesterday was fresh in his mind and he didn’t want to start another one.
“I like music. I understand the appeal. But, I’m fine with whatever’s playing,” Jake finished.
Rooster was silent for a long time as they pulled onto the freeway and started back up, leaving Southern California and San Diego behind, one mile at a time. “Sometimes, during some parts of my life, it feels like music was the only thing that kept me moving forward.”
The admission was soft and quiet and Jake frowned, wanting to know more about what Bradshaw meant but it was difficult when he didn’t know what to ask.
“Nothing…bad,” Rooster continued. “But sometimes it felt like the only way I could get out of bed was to go and get a new CD or go to a concert. Piano lessons got me out of the house more often than not because it was something I enjoyed.”
“An escape,” Jake said, finally getting what Bradley meant.
Rooster nodded. “Yeah, suppose so.”
Jake nodded. “That was the library for me,” he said, looking back out the window as he thought about afternoons spent studying, planning, and studying everything he could to figure out a way to get out of the situation he was in.
“Suppose. Never been super into reading. I enjoy it, sure, but there’s other things I would be rather be doing.”
“You have your music, and I have my books,” Jake said, wondering if this was a common ground for them or not. It felt like something had changed, but he didn’t know what.
“Suppose so,” Bradley said, shrugging.
The car was quiet for the moment before Bradley reached out and turned up the music, and Jake settled back, staring out the window again, feeling more relaxed than he had the day before.
“What in the fuck is this?” Jake demanded, staring down at the radio, wondering what the fuck Rooster was listening to and wondering if he should've taken the man up on changing the music if this was what he was going to be subjected to. He had been on his way to falling asleep, lulled by the sound of the car on the road and the soft rock playing in the background.
Rooster burst out laughing. “Come on, don’t tell me you never heard this growing up?”
‘…first I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn't seen it either…’
“No!” Jake said, turning the frown toward Rooster. “What in the fuck?”
“Come on, it was everywhere in middle school,” Rooster said, turning the music up louder, drowning out everything but the song, and Jake was hesitant to call it that. “After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed.”
“Rooster, what the fuck,” Jake repeated, reaching out to turn it down only for his hand to get slapped away as the man continued to talk along with the song. Because the singer wasn’t singing, he was just talking. In a way, it reminded Jake of growing up and listening to Red Sovine and Jimmy Dean because it was the only thing the bus driver listened to. But this was a far cry from Big Bad John and Phantom 309.
“People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know--even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis,” Rooster finished, drumming his hands on the steering wheel. “Detachable penis!”
The song ended, and there was a beat of silence before some synth-pop started playing, and Rooster turned it down, still grinning like it was the best thing in the world. Jake opened his mouth and closed it before he made a confused sound and burst out laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. He pressed a hand over his eyes as he sank back against the seat, shaking his head as he finally caught his breath and looked over at Rooster who had one arm back out the window, a soft, almost fond, half-smile on his face and looking content in a way Jake often didn’t see.
It was a good look for him.
“I can safely say I have never heard that song,” Jake said, wiping a hand over his face as he chuckled again. “Shit.”
“Dude, I don’t know how the fuck you managed to avoid it. It was all over the place. We used to get some of my friend's older siblings to drive us around so we could sing the song to people in traffic,” he explained, grinning. “Used to piss some of them off. Kinda like the penis game the girls used to play.”
“Penis game?”
“Yeah, who can yell penis the loudest,” Bradley said, shrugging.
Jake shook his head. “Can’t say I’ve heard of it either,” he said, wondering if it hadn’t been around where he had grown up, or if he had just missed out on it because he had been the kid no one trusted not to narc, not that he ever had. But he had a reputation for following the rules in school, mostly because he needed to get out and nothing was going to stop him, not even a rule he thought was stupid.
It was easy to picture Bradshaw as the kid with all the friends at the center of all the drama in the school. Jake would’ve been the first to admit he had been a lot quieter when he was younger and his future more up in the air. Now that he was older, he was more outgoing because he wasn’t so afraid of his world being ripped out from under his feet. He knew when to push the boundaries and had no issues pushing them as hard as he could.
“You missed out,” Rooster said. “Oh, shit.”
Before Jake could ask what had happened for the second time that day, Bradshaw was scrambling for the exit, multiple horns blaring behind them as Jake grabbed the oh shit handle and frowned. “What the fuck?”
Bradshaw ignored him, taking a left for some reason, and then a few others, the traffic working in their favor. Before Jake could ask him what was up, the ocean opened up in front of them, the sun past its zenith, but still high in the sky, reflecting across endless blue, making the water sparkle. He could see people on the beach, people in the ocean with the pier stretching into the horizon to the side. Bradshaw turned again, and Jake caught sight of the giant sign standing tall over the buildings as Bradshaw parked barely a block away.
Pismo.
The dots connected instantly. “Beach?” he asked, looking over at Bradshaw who grinned.
“Beach. I grabbed a suit, you?”
“Yeah,” Jake replied, wondering if it was luck or kismet as they got out of the car. “Did you grab towels?”
“Nah, we’ll be fine,” Bradshaw said, already stripping out of his shirt as he popped open the trunk.
People in bathing suits loitered around, groups talking, people with chairs as they headed in the direction of the ocean and Jake quickly stripped out of his shirt, thankful for a life spent in the Navy that made changing quickly without flashing anyone, shucking their jeans in favor of their trunks. Jake snapped the tag off and shifted, wrinkling his nose at the tight feeling over his thighs that he knew would relax once the fabric got wet.
“C’mon,” Bradshaw said, a Hawaiian shirt over his shoulders, sunglasses on, and camera around his neck as he slammed the back of the car closed. “Race ya.”
Instead of replying, Jake turned and started for the beach, hearing a startled shout behind him.
“Asshole!”
Jake grinned and sped up as pavement gave way to sand, and he ran through the small groups of people. It wasn’t packed, but it was busy enough he had to duck around a few people before the was crashing into the ocean, letting out a yelp as his mind registered the cold water but momentum had him moving forward until he dove in before he could stop himself. He surfaced with a gasp, readjusting his sunglasses where they had started to fall off, shivering for a moment before the sun beating down across his shoulders began to chase it away.
He shook his head, spitting out water and turning to spot Rooster who was standing at the shore, camera to his eye. Jake rolled his eyes as he pushed his hair out of his face, flipping the man off even as he started to wade back out, hand dropping when the camera turned, the man taking photos of something he found interesting.
“You lost,” Jake called when he got closer, adjusting his swimsuit until it sat comfortably.
“I gave up,” Rooster corrected, letting the camera drop before he took a few steps closer until the waves crashed over his feet and he hissed. “Cold.”
“Baby,” Jake replied, shoving at Rooster’s shoulder when he got close enough before running a hand through his hair again before holding out his hand and wriggling his fingers. “Want me to hold it?”
Rooster stared at him for a second, mouth a little slack.
“The camera and phone, I’m assuming,” Jake said, wriggling his fingers again.
“What, oh. Shit, yeah,” Rooster said, seeming to shake himself back into reality, and handed the camera to Jake before digging out his phone out of his pocket and pulling off the shirt.
“Water’s great,” Jake lied as he walked a little further up the beach and turned, watching as Rooster, in a display of stupidity, began to wade into the water slowly, his shoulders bunching up around his ears higher and higher.
Before he thought about it, Jake had the camera on and up to his eye, taking a few photos as Rooster finally got deeper and ducked under, coming up with a gasp that had Jake chuckling. The phone in his hand buzzed, and he looked down, his eyebrow raised as he watched messages roll in before they went quiet again, only for it to buzz again, a new set of messages from someone else.
“Someone calling?” Rooster asked, closer than Jake had expected, making him flinch.
“Nah, just popular,” Jake replied, before handing the phone and camera back to Bradley, who took them, looked down at the phone, and shrugged as if it was something normal.
Perhaps for him, it was. Jake didn’t know, and he found he didn’t really care. “Drop the shirt further up with the camera and other shit, and let's go,” he said, slapping Rooster on the shoulder before beginning to wade back into the water, his body adjusting quicker this time. “Or you can keep being a chicken, Rooster,” he called over his shoulder.
It wasn’t a surprise when, a few moments later, he felt hands against his shoulders as Rooster jumped onto his shoulders, his added weight causing Jake to lose his footing and they both tumbled under the surf.
“Wanna know something insane?”
It was late. Families were beginning to clear out in small groups as the sun began to set, sinking behind the horizon and casting a warm orange glow over everything. Jake was lying in the sand, feeling it stick to his skin, but the warmth was chasing away the lingering chill from spending time fucking around in the ocean with Rooster, both of them having fun as they splashed around, shoving each other over and seeing who could swim out the furthest before they lost their nerve. The sort of fun Jake had once seen other kids do growing up but had never joined in.
“What?” Rooster asked, sitting up, his camera up to his eye as he stared out across the sunset, taking a photo, pulling it down, frowning as he adjusted some settings before trying again. Jake watched him for a moment, taking in the clear, confident motions, similar to the way he looked whenever he was flying. It was clear that Rooster knew what he was doing, which Jake had known, but it was different to see him fiddle with the different parts of the camera.
“I didn’t learn how to swim until my junior year of high school,” Jake admitted, watching as Rooster nodded before his head whipped around, staring at Jake with a frown.
“What?”
Jake shrugged. “Never been around a pool growing up so it never came up. When I decided I was gonna go Navy, I wasn't gonna fly, I was just gonna go Navy, and I figured I had to learn, so I paid for a few lessons.”
“What the fuck?” Rooster demanded, turning so he was facing Jake. “What in the actual fuck? That’s just…it’s…it’s not just for fun, swimming is so people don’t die! It should be right up there, looking both ways on the street and not running with scissors!”
There was an incensed look on Rooster’s face that surprised Jake as he pushed up onto his elbows. “You’re really upset about this.”
“Yes!” Rooster snapped, throwing a hand toward the ocean. “Waters dangerous!”
That Jake knew from a few close calls when he was first learning. He had had the fear of water put into him, and it had taken awhile to get rid of it. “I know.”
Rooster made an aggravated noise before he huffed and dropped his face into his palm, rubbing his fingers over his eyes for a moment and muttering to himself. For a split-second, Jake heard something about parents and abuse, and he let it go. He doubted Rooster was saying anything that Jake hadn’t heard from Javy.
“Well, kudos to you,” Rooster said, finally, lifting his head, his eyes still hidden behind his sunglasses. “I grew up next to the beach so I can get a little worked up. Was a junior lifeguard for a few summers.”
That was something Jake could easily picture. “Yeah? Little Rooster with a mustache yelling at people to walk?”
“On the beach,” Bradley said, shaking his head. “Mostly I just picked up trash and brought water for the lifeguards if they needed it. And no mustache,” he said, smoothing his thumb and forefinger over his upper lip. “That came about in my mid-twenties. I lost a bet and grew one, and I liked how it looked, so I kept it.”
“Not because of your Dad?” Jake asked, sitting the rest of the way up and crossing his legs, leaning his elbows against his knees. He could feel a tightness across his shoulders from a day spent in the sun without sunscreen, and he knew he would peel in a day or two, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.
“He was the reason I avoided any facial hair at all,” Rooster explained, looking down at his camera. From that angle, Jake could see the view screen and watched as Rooster began to scroll through the dozen or so images he had taken of the sunset, stopping and staring at them. “My Mom, uh, when she got bad, toward the end, she thought I was him sometimes, you know? I didn’t want to confuse her anymore, so I bleached my hair, which helped a bit. And my Dad had a lot of friends in the Navy; he was a good guy, and I’m sure being Mav’s backseater had a little bit of infamy as well. So a lot of people remember him, even though he died a long time ago. But, people would see me, and double take and so I tried my best to avoid any sort of connection as much as I could.”
“But you ended up keeping the mustache?” Jake asked softly.
Rooster shrugged. “I like it. I didn’t realize how much I would until I grew it. It makes me look more like him, the same with the shirts. But I’ve always liked them, and I spent so long trying not to be him that I didn’t realize I was making myself into someone I didn’t want to be. He’s my Dad, even if he died when I was young, and there’s gonna be parts of me that liked the same thing for whatever reason. And denying that was just so stupid.”
Jake nodded, fingers shifting through the sand, rolling his shoulders as he felt the sand begin to drop off as he dried, tickling as it went. “Makes sense,” he said, for lack of anything else to say.
The silence, for the first time since Jake had met Bradley, didn’t feel awkward. It felt charged, yes, but he didn’t feel the urge to change the subject, to make some quip to move the moment along. He let it linger, looking up and out across the ocean at the sun half buried in the waves, the cry of the birds as they searched for their last meal, and the fading voices as more people packed up.
“You uh…,” Rooster started, only to stop. Jake looked over to the side, seeing the man fiddling with the edge of his swimsuit. Jake knew what he was gonna ask.
“Never looked for them,” Jake admitted, shrugging. “Half of it is that I don’t wanna see them because I’m old enough now to be a lot angrier at them than I was, and the other half is I don’t wanna know if they had other kids they actually wanted. So I just…don’t look them up. Ever. Javy’s offered a few times, same with Beth and some other friends, but I just don’t want to know and they respect that.” He said that with a hard look at Rooster who snorted.
“Dude, don’t even worry. I have no interest in looking them up because I have a lot of experience with rough family lives.”
There were a thousand questions Jake wanted to ask about Maverick, but the man was still nominally, at least until he got reassigned back to Lemoore, his CO. And the less he knew about a CO, the better in his opinion. There was a tension in Rooster’s shoulders that relaxed when Jake didn’t press.
“Show me the photos you got?” Jake asked, needing to change the subject suddenly.
Rooster shifted, scooting until he was sitting next to Jake, their shoulders touching as he tilted the screen. “So, these are the raw images. They’re good, don’t get me wrong. But raw images, no matter how good of a photographer you are with a top-of-the-line camera, often don’t actually match what we see with our eyes. So you have to edit them sometimes. You can get good images, don’t get me wrong. But upping the contrast or something can really make a big difference.”
“Is this your way of telling me these are gonna look like shit?” Jake asked, leaning over and peering down at the tiny screen.
Rooster huffed, the small puff of air tickling Jake’s neck for a moment. “No. I’m just saying that these,” he wiggled the camera, “are not gonna match what our eyes see,” he finished, tilting the camera toward the ocean. “See?”
Rooster began to flip through the screen, and even through the small screen Jake could make out the small differences in the photos Bradley had taken of the sunset, watching as the image got less and less clear before it disappeared, more photos of the beach following. The pier, some birds, the waves crashing over the shore. The photos he took showed up next, and he snorted at the obvious difference, the way they looked wrong, some of them out of focus or blurry.
“Wow,” Jake said, not bothering to hide the derision in his voice. “I’m sooooo good at this.”
Rooster snorted. “They’re fine. Everyone starts somewhere, and I don’t often get photos of myself on this camera, so thanks,” he said, continuing to flip through the photos.
The next one was of him walking out of the ocean, one hand moving through his hair and the other flipping Bradley off, trunks rucked high around his thighs. Despite the fact he was clearly in motion, it was still crisp and easy to make out, and compared to the few of his before, it looked worlds better.
“I’ve been doing this for a while,” Bradley repeated, still moving through the photos, a few more of Jake from the back, clearly not the focus but he was in them, dropping into the ocean and then running backward, and in one particular shot, dodging around a family.
It was weird to see the afternoon played backward, especially when the memories were so fresh, and he could remember the joy he felt as he ran toward the ocean, around the families, the feel of the hot pavement under his feet giving way to the sand.
“Not bad,” Jake said when the beach switched with an almost startling abruptness to Solvang. And despite it only being that morning, it felt like years had passed. “Not bad at all.”
“Thanks,” Bradley said, beginning to flip forward faster, little snapshots of their day, ending with the sunset that was almost finished.
Jake looked back out over the ocean, the sun a sliver over the horizon and Jake watched as it finished dipping, twilight settling in firmly, and he shivered at the ocean breeze, even with the sun-warmed sand underneath his fingers and legs.
“Where’s your shirt?” Bradshaw asked.
“In the car,” Jake replied with a shrug. “Only thing I got on me are these shorts.”
He turned in time to see Bradshaw wrinkling his nose, his hand dropping to the phone resting on his knee before his fingers curled, and he pulled his hand away. Jake chuckled, looking back out over the ocean, ignoring the urge to tease Rooster about his reliance on his phone and break the moment between them. He leaned back on his hands, inhaling deeply before letting it out in a long, slow breath as the darkness kept falling. He could feel goosebumps pebble over his skin, and he knew they should head back; he was getting cold, and they still needed to get to the hotel, but he didn’t want to break this moment.
A shoulder pressed against his and he glanced to the side to see Rooster lifting the camera and beginning to take a few more photos, tongue pressed into the corner of his mouth, highlighting the fullness of his lower lip, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he kept taking photos and fiddling with the settings. His shirt was hanging over his shoulders, undone, and sunglasses pushed into his hair, the ocean water causing Rooster’s hair to curl more than Jake had ever seen it before. The lengthening shadows threw Rooster into an interesting contrast of round lines and harsh edges, his summer tan muted in the moon's glow and his hair darker than Jake often saw it.
Frankly, Jake thought Bradley looked better in the daylight, the golden hue to his skin, the way his hair looked almost auburn in some lights. He wasn’t made for the shadows.
“I wish there was more moon tonight,” Rooster said, apropos of nothing.
“What?” Jake asked, pulling his mind away from thoughts of Rooster in the sun.
Rooster nodded to the skies. “Moon. It’s waxing, waning? I don’t know. Either way, it’s the little circle. Kinda wish we had more moon.”
“Crescent,” Jake corrected, looking up at the sky and seeing the small sliver half hidden behind clouds. “Moon’s crescent right now. But yeah, don’t know if its waxing or waning.” He paused. “Why do you want more moon?”
“I like the way it looks next to the ocean. Reflecting and stuff.”
“And stuff,” Jake parroted with a grin. “Artist not a poet?”
Rooster glared at him before rolling his eyes. “We can’t be good at everything.”
“Some of us can’t, yeah.”
Instead of replying, Rooster looked down at the camera and scrolled, before tilting the camera towards Jake, his photos clearly on display. Jake snorted and shrugged. “Your thing, not mine, darlin’,” he said, moving to stand up with a groan, stretching his arms up before dropping them, feeling the chill settling into his skin as the wind picked up.
“C’mon, we still need to get to the hotel, and I gotta find a way to brush off before I get in your car,” Jake said, beginning to stroll back up the beach.
Him and Rooster were the last two people, lingering long after the sun had disappeared, even though he could see people walking on the streets, the few restaurants and shops still open enticing people to come in from the dark and join them.
“That car’s seen worse than sand,” Bradshaw said, catching up to Jake as they left the sand and started to walk, the pavement still warm from the heat of the day. “Just get the worst of it off and it’ll be fine.”
Jake hummed as they rounded a corner, and the bronco appeared. “If you say so.”
“I do.”
“Oh fuck, oh, fuck fuck, ow, shit fuck.”
Bradley could hear Hangman snickering next to him, and he would turn to glare at the man, but he was more focused on not hurting himself as he did his best to imitate Hangman’s stretch. The other man made it look easy, and Bradley wasn’t an idiot. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he thought he was in better shape than he apparently was. He groaned as his leg started to shake from the half lunge he was in, sweat pouring down his face and his abs aching from needing to keep himself steady.
“You good?” Hangman asked, looking as fresh as a daisy.
“Fuck you,” Bradley hissed, wondering what the fuck had inspired him to actually join when he woke up and saw Hangman rolling out the mat Bradley had bought for him on a whim he didn’t want to think about.
It was later than both of them had expected, just past ten in the morning and neither of them had moved, laying around in bed until Hangman had finally rolled out of the hideaway bed he had taken with a sigh that Bradley understood.
“And switch,” Hangman said, moving easily from one leg to another, sinking deeper than Bradley could.
He could feel the strain in his hip, the ache in the back of his thigh, and a stubborn need to finish this even though he was sure Hangman was doing a longer stretch than he usually did because it had never taken this long before. He was sure of it. He wobbled, almost falling over, only for a hand to grab his elbow and stop him from crashing into the faux rock fireplace that made up part of their room.
Which was another thing that Bradley was still trying to wrap his mind around. The faux rock wrapped around the room added an odd ambiance to it that he had tried to figure out the night before when they had finally gotten in, late and full of drive-through food and slightly sunburnt from the afternoon spent at the beach. But he had passed out, sprawled across the very comfortable king-sized bed, and had slept without dreams or nightmares for the first time in a while.
“You can go lower than that,” Hangman said, reaching out and pushing down on Bradley’s shoulder.
Bradley groaned, but he dropped; the ache hurting, but it was the sort of ache that told him he would be sore the next day. “Get fucked,” he repeated, looking over at Hangman who, at least finally, had a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead, over his cheek, only to get to caught in the beginning of the beard he was growing, although Bradley had a feeling it would be gone as soon as they were done with their respective showers.
A shower Bradley was looking forward to, and not just because it sounded nice, but because the showers were weird enough that he was interested in taking a shower just for the sake of the shower more than needing to get clean. A rock waterfall, as Hangman had called it, whatever that meant. Bradley had been too tired the night before to appreciate it, but when he had stumbled into the bathroom in the middle of the night to take a leak, he had been confused for a long moment, hesitating at the doorway because he didn’t know what he was looking at.
It was only waking up slightly that reminded him of what Hangman had said about the bathrooms being one of the unique features of the hotel. He had done what he needed to do and had gone back to sleep, figuring he could worry about it in the morning.
“Alright, stand,” Hangman said, moving fluidly back up to both feet.
Bradley went with a groan, shaking out his aching legs and glaring at Hangman, dropped down into a flat-footed crouch, elbows against his knees and palms together, his back flat, and he looked like he could do that all day. Bradley was about to try and join, sure he wouldn’t be able to get his heels flat, when Hangman looked up at him, smirked, and leaned forward, pushing up and pulling his knees onto his elbows so he was balancing on his hands.
“Fuck you,” Bradley said, reaching down to shove at Hangman’s shoulder, hearing the other man laugh as he lost his balance and collapsed to the side, laying on the mat and staring up at Bradley.
“You lasted longer than I expected,” Hangman said, staying on the floor and pulling one knee up to his chest.
“You did make that last longer!” Bradley snapped, glaring more at Hangman who shrugged.
“I don’t stretch for long most mornings, just enough to get the blood flowing,” he explained, switching legs and pulling his knee closer to his chest with a groan that almost made Bradley want to blush. “But I do a longer workout on some days. Figured today would be a good day.”
“Asshole,” Bradley said, bending over and letting his arms go limp, feeling he stretch in his lower back.
“Yep,” Hangman said, sitting up and bending forward, easily folding over his knees with a flexibility that made Bradley jealous, and for his mind to start veering off course. “You’re always wound so tight. Figured it’d help.”
Bradley would never admit it, but his body did feel less tight. “Fuck you, Yogi the bear. I’m going to shower,” Bradley said, standing and walking into the shower to do just that, Hangman’s soft chuckle following him.
“There’s a pool,” Hangman called after him. “I’m gonna extend one more night. We can figure out where we go next and leave tomorrow.”
Bradley waved a hand over his shoulder in agreement as he shut the door, fully ready to spend the next hour in this shower.
“What in the hell.”
Bradley stared around the pink floral monstrosity that was the room they walked into, filled with dining nooks and his phone was up and taking photos before he could stop himself, sending one to Nat before he thought about it because he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to describe what he was looking at otherwise. He kept taking photos as they were led to a small booth, still bright pink, and he didn’t know where to look. He felt overwhelmed by the color and everything going on. He sat down in the booth, looking over at Hangman, who almost looked washed out in the gray shirt he was wearing, so plain that it was almost comforting to look at him.
“This is a lot,” Hangman said, also looking a little wide eyed as the hostess left them and a waiter appeared, offering them menu’s and talking about the specials that Bradley only half heard.
They had spent most of the day by the pool, except for a brief foray into the shops that dotted the property, resulting in Hangman buying him another shirt that was bright even by Bradley’s standards. He had tried to refuse, especially once he had seen the price, but Hangman had bought it, ripped up the receipt, and said either Bradley could take it or it would go in the trash.
It was currently in Bradley’s bag, a bright pink beacon of something he didn’t want to look into.
It was early evening, and they weren’t the first diners, but it was still empty as Bradley kept taking photos, wishing he had brought his actual camera. He snapped a photo of Hangman as he read the menu, doubly annoyed he didn’t have his camera because Hangman was an island of calm in the room, something that Bradley didn’t often associate with Hangman. He set his phone down, staring at Hangman before his phone buzzed and he grabbed it, seeing Nat had replied.
Nat: where in the barbie puke dream house fuck are you?
Me: Madonna Inn, up Highway 1
Nat: why???
Me: cuz
Nat: instagram husband there?
Me: how’s Bob?
Nat didn’t reply, and Bradley smirked, setting his phone down and grabbing his menu. “Do you know what you want?”
“Surf and turf,” was the immediate reply.
That suddenly sounded good, at least until Bradley saw the price and he leaned forward, eyes wide. “it’s a hundred and fifty dollars!” he hissed.
“I know,” Jake said, closing the menu as he leaned back, arms spread out across the back of the booth, and shrugged. “C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t have all that unused backpay sitting around collecting dust as well? Might as well eat something good out of it.”
Hangman wasn’t wrong; there was a tidy sum of money sitting in his account because he didn’t have that much to spend it on. But part of him still balked at the cost of the meal, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it sounded good. He looked down at the menu again with a sigh.
“Goddamn it,” he muttered, snapping it shut and resigning himself to having an expensive meal. It would be worth it, he kept reminding himself.
It had to be.
Hangman was humming happily as he sucked butter off his fingers, something that kept distracting Bradley from finishing his own admittedly delicious meal. The lobster was tender and cooked perfectly, and the steak was seasoned and seared perfectly. Everything about the meal was perfect in the way that Bradley hadn’t ever experienced outside of fancy dates he had gone on one or two times.
“Are you a foodie?” Bradley asked, dragging the last bite of his filet mignon through the butter that had spilled out of his jacket potato, his stomach full and bordering on too full, but he didn’t want to stop eating. Not just because of the price but because it was good.
“I like food. I like trying new places. Wouldn’t call myself a foodie, though,” Hangman replied, looking up at him as he picked up the napkin and cleaned off his fingers, the noise in the room making the small booth feel more private now that the dinner rush was in full swing. Hangman leaned back, grabbed the glass of wine he had ordered, and sipped at it. “I don’t take photos of the food I eat.”
It was a deliberate dig at Bradley, who rolled his eyes and flipped Jake off, uncaring that he had taken two seconds to take pictures of his food just so he could send them to Nat, knowing how much she loved steak. “I want to preserve the memory.”
“Use your brain then.”
Bradley rolled his eyes again. “Memories are fickle.”
“So?”
It was a response Bradley hadn’t expected, and he raised his eyebrows, surprised. “What do you mean, so?”
Hangman shrugged, setting down the glass and looking almost awkward for a split second before it was gone. “Memories fade. It’s a feature, in my opinion, not a bug. I remember having a good time, but it doesn’t mean I want to remember every detail because I want to keep making new, good memories, not hang onto the old ones. Same goes for bad one. Shit things happen, and sure, some things never leave you, but we let those fade as much as we can to make room for new ones that are hopefully better.”
“It’s not that easy sometimes,” Bradley said, thinking of his Mom and the few memories he had of his Dad.
“Are you more interested in the memory or the feeling?” Hangman asked, fiddling with the knife braced on his plate. “Because honestly, the memories are never the important part of me. I know I had fun, and sure it’s not like I forget it completely, but I dunno. Just knowing I had fun is enough.”
“I don’t have a lot of memories of my parents, and I want to keep them,” Bradley replied, as sure of that as he was sure the sun would rise in the morning.
“Alright,” Hangman said, shrugging, giving in easily enough that Bradley could feel the conversation end.
But it stuck with him as he looked around the room, taking in the couples, friends, and families scattered around the room, all talking still. He thought of Solvang, and how he had spent decades away from something that had meant a lot to him just to preserve the memories, and yet, even though he had been there before, going with Hangman of all people had made it feel new, but he still remembered how much fun he had had with his Mom. He wanted to preserve those memories, and he had, in pictures that he made sure to keep safe no matter where the Navy sent him.
He didn’t agree, but he understood what Hangman was getting at. But Bradley didn’t want to forget the good times; he wanted to enshrine the moments in photography to go back to when the days were harder. Because in their jobs, doing what they did, there were often hard days, and Bradley had always been prone to melancholy; he needed the good memories to chase it away.
“So I was thinking,” Hangman started, only for the waiter to reappear.
“Everything good? Can I interest you in dessert?” he asked, shooting a customer service smile at them both.
“You got any recommendations?” Hangman asked.
“Well, we do recommend the cakes. People from all over the world come here for them,” the waiter explained, going on to explain each of the cakes, and they all sounded delicious to Bradley.
“Pink champagne,” Jake said when the man was done. “Might as well continue with the theme.”
Bradley snorted, thinking back to the long list before he shrugged. “German chocolate,” he decided, leaning back as the waiter nodded and grabbed the plates.
He waited until the man was gone before looking back at Hangman. “You were thinking…,?” he prompted.
“We head over toward Highway 1 and take it up the coast to Monterey and Santa Cruz, San Francisco after that?” Hangman continued. “Google tells me it’s about a four-hour straight drive from here to Monterey, so assuming a few pit stops that’ll take the day and then end up in Monterey for the night before heading over to Santa Cruz?”
Bradley didn’t have anything better to suggest, mostly because he hadn’t even thought about it, so he nodded. “Sounds good,” he said, shrugging. “Never been up the one before. The few times I’ve been up north we’ve always taken the five or the one-oh-one.”
Hangman mouthed ‘the one-oh-one’ at him before he shrugged, ignoring Bradley’s questioning look. “Alright. We’ll pass Big Sur, as well as a bunch of other shit if we feel like doing anything in particular. There’s a bunch of stuff. It just depends on us.”
“So, no plan,” Bradley said, not sure he could adequately explain how not having a true plan was relaxing for once in his life.
He had spent the better part of a month training, going over a plan that had been decided by people who couldn’t even fly it slow, only to actually fly it for real and almost die because of it. He was fine without a plan. It had been working for them so far, and maybe Mav really did have something when he said, ‘Don’t think, just do.’
“No, not really,” Hangman agreed.
The waiter returned with their cakes before Bradley could say anything else, the slices both looking delicious and Hangman’s white and pink monstrosity had him snorting as he grabbed his phone and took another photo, catching Hangman mid-eyeroll but he didn’t try and duck away, clearly humoring Bradley. It was a good photo, the pink all around Hangman softening his edges and Bradley’s fingers itched to share it, but he settled for putting the phone down and picked up his fork.
“Wanna try a bite?” Hangman offered, pushing the plate toward Bradley even as he speared a bite and ate it, the same look of joy on his face Bradley had seen the day before while eating the aebleskiver. He was beginning to wonder if Hangman had a bit of a sweet tooth. Even if he would no doubt deny it if Bradley asked, but he had always liked science and figured there was an easy way to figure it out over the next couple of days.
“Sure,” Bradley said, taking a bite and eating it, surprised at how good it was, and how it wasn’t sweet at all. It was the right balance of flavors, and he nodded his head, grabbing his own glass of wine he had ordered to clear out his mouth before trying his cake. “Wanna try mine?”
“Nope,” Hangman said, eating another bite of his. “Hate coconut.”
“You know, the longer I spend with you the more convinced I am you’re a serial killer,” Bradley said, tugging his cake slice closer to try and protect it from Hangman’s wrong opinion.
“And yet, you’re sleeping in the same room as me, often in the bed next to me,” Hangman said, a wide grin splitting his face as he tilted his head to the side. “Or are you like the rest of us and like a little bit of danger in your life?”
“Of course, I like a little bit of danger, but I get the feeling you’re about as dangerous as a kitten in the rain,” Bradley replied, thinking of all he had learned about Hangman over the past few days and how they hadn’t even come close to a fight, not really. Apparently, they really could get along when they were taken away from the competitive aspect of their jobs.
Hangman raised his eyebrow at him before he winked. “Meow.”
Notes:
1. hot tamale peeps and dr pepper peeps do exist
2. madonna inn is the best kind of camp and this is the room i pictured them staying in
3. the shirt jake bought bradley
Chapter 5
Notes:
i exorcised the mafia demons to allow this to be finished lol!!
Chapter Text
“I told you to take that exit!”
“After we passed it!”
There was something foreboding about being one hour into the day and already on edge. Jake pressed his fingers against his nose and leaned his head back, taking in a deep breath and letting it out before he started yelling again. “Take the next exit—”
“—yeah, I know how to fucking turn around,” Bradshaw interrupted in a low mutter.
Jake took another deep breath and let it out, dropping his hand and turning, seeing Bradshaw scratch at his jaw that was beginning to move from stubble into an actual beard, his hair a mess because he hadn’t done anything, and he looked so far from the Naval Aviator that Jake, for reasons he couldn’t figure out, got a little bit more pissed off. The day before had been good; it really had been. But both of them had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, it seemed, and neither of them had any solid experience with modulating their arguments.
Silence really was the better part of valor.
“Right,” Jake finally replied, for lack of anything else to do.
He grabbed Bradshaw’s phone, ignoring the irritated noise, and held it up to his face so it would unlock, ignoring all the texts and comments and other notifications to find the maps app, adding the address and sticking it where Bradshaw could see it, the modulated voice filling the car, telling Bradshaw where to go.
He turned his head, looking out the window as Bradshaw got off the freeway and started driving, following the directions from the phone and not from Jake. He watched as the freeway gave way to the countryside, as the map took them further away from society and deeper into the mountains.
“There,” Bradshaw said suddenly, the car quiet without any music playing.
Jake turned from looking out the window to where Bradshaw was pointing, seeing the paved parking lot, and there, rising above the rest of the area, sitting pretty on top of the mountain was the reason they were there.
“Knock knock, Dracula’s home,” Bradshaw muttered.
Jake, against his better judgment, snorted, but he didn’t reply, keeping his arms crossed as Bradshaw parked and they got out, walking in silence to join the rest of the group waiting for the bus that would take them up to Hearst castle. He didn’t know why they were both in a bad mood, Bradshaw had had his three cups of coffee and had stopped at Starbucks before they had even really left, and they had both slept well, switching so Bradshaw was on the hideaway instead of Jake.
But, for some reason, they were both snapping, little comments that turned into something more as easily as they had done during the mission. Maybe going on the tour would settle things out because right then, Jake wanted to strangle Bradshaw and drop him over the nearest ravine. No one would miss him. And it wasn’t like anyone knew Jake was on the trip with him, it’d be easy to get away with.
It had been Jake’s idea, of course it had. Bradshaw didn’t know how to plan something if his life depended on it. So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that, aside from a photo here and there, Bradshaw was spending most of his time staring at his phone, ignoring the tour guide and frowning. Jake wanted to make some pointed comments about being a teenager, especially since there was a sullen teenager doing the same thing, but he bit his lip and turned back to the tour guide who was talking about the room they were in, some assembly room or something. There were a bunch of couches, and Jake wanted to shove Bradshaw’s shoulder so he would collapse into one, destroy the historical monument, and watch in amusement as he got yelled at.
He managed to not do it by the skin of their teeth as they were led to the next room. A billiards room, that had Jake’s fingers itching to grab the pool cue and using it to…. He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, pushing the anger down and away, knowing that he was stuck in his own head in an endless loop that wasn’t going anywhere productive.
“Bet I could play better than anyone here,” Jake said, opening his eyes and turning, half expecting Bradshaw to be there, but he had disappeared.
It took a second to spot the man standing off to the side, still on his fucking phone.
“Asshole,” Jake muttered, shoving his hands in his pocket and forcing himself to pay attention to the tour guide, ignoring the scandalized look from the old couple with the teenager. He definitely wasn’t in the mood to antagonize them, especially since he didn’t think Bradshaw would appreciate it if Jake grabbed his ass and called him honey, the way he and Javy did to piss off homophobes sometimes.
He wandered the room when the tour guide was done talking about the history of the room, his fingers itching to pick up the pool cue and play, just because it was something he had done before, something he could do that made him feel a little bit more normal. The day before had been good, and the complete switch from dinner the night before to this morning was jarring. He looked over at Bradley, standing near the tour guide, still frowning down at his phone, and Jake let himself watch, not worried about anyone seeing him stare because he didn’t know these people, so he didn’t care.
There was a furrow between his eyebrows Jake could make out even from a distance, and Bradshaw was shifting from foot to foot, a nervous motion Jake was surprised hadn’t been beaten out of him after so long in the military. He was in an old navy shirt, the words faded, and the jeans and shoes he wore were old, scuffed, and frayed from a lot of use. He looked comfortable, and that pissed Jake off even more.
“Alright, time to move on!” the tour guide called in the upbeat voice that most of them had, and it grated on Jake’s nerves. He suddenly wanted to make Bradshaw feel as uncomfortable as he felt.
They were led through a series of rooms, all of them as ostentatious as the previous one, all of them showcasing just exactly what money could buy. There was a part of Jake that liked them, liked that it wasn’t the boring blank modern homes he was used to seeing, liked that there were things that perhaps meant something to the people who owned them. But he also hated it, all the wasted space and energy just for random people to tromp through and stare at it and never be used.
“And if you’ll just follow me through here to the first of the pools built as part of the grounds, the Roman Pools,” the tour guide said, stepping through a door.
Jake followed her, almost coming to a stop as the room opened up into blues and golds that were almost hard to look at. He blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting, and he shuffled to the side to let the last of the group through, Bradley taking up the rear, not on his phone for once, but it was still in his hand. Jake watched as Bradshaw saw the room, his mouth dropping open. He gaped unattractively around for a moment before his camera was up, and he took photos as the tour guide droned on about how it was built. He kept watching, seeing the wonder in Bradshaw’s face that hadn’t been there before, and he closed his eyes, tilting his head back and taking a few deep breaths and letting them out slowly, knowing that what Bradshaw did played no part in if Jake was enjoying himself. And he was, even with the lingering irritation that had snuck up on him for some reason.
Jake slid up behind Bradshaw before he could think through what he was doing, leaning in until his chin was resting on Bradshaw’s shoulder, smirking when he felt Bradshaw flinch, his head whipping around only to relax when he saw it was Jake.
“What?” Bradshaw asked, going back to taking photos, not pulling away to Jake’s surprise.
“Could fit a thirty-person orgy in that pool, easily,” Jake murmured, looking across the glass-smooth water and imagining the thirty people who could fit in it easily.
Bradshaw snorted, shaking his head. “Fifty, easily,” he replied, turning his head just enough to catch Jake’s eye, putting them closer to each other than they had ever been before. This close he could make out a faint spray of freckles over Bradley’s nose, almost indistinguishable from his tan, and the edges of something Jake almost wanted to call gold flecked in Bradley’s eyes.
And Jake had spent a lot of time getting into Bradshaw’s personal space, but this was different. This was something more, Jake had put them here, and to his surprise, Bradshaw wasn’t pulling away.
“Fifty?” Jake asked, not wanting to be the first to pull away.
“At least,” Bradshaw said, the corner of his mouth curling up into a grin. “You gotta have a little space, yeah, make sure all the bodies fit the right way.”
“Tab A into Slot B?” Jake asked.
Bradshaw chuckled. “Exactly. So you gotta have the space, especially with the water around, so you have room to move. You know. Really get the buoyancy to work for you.”
“Sirs? It’s time to move on.”
Jake pulled back and turned, seeing the tour guide standing at the doorway to the next room, looking at them with raised eyebrows. He felt caught out, and he did what he did best whenever a situation like that popped up. He acted like nothing had happened, or what he had been doing was so benign it wasn’t even worth mentioning. He stepped away from Bradley, wandering over with a sheepish smile.
“Sorry about that,” he said, ducking past, aware of Bradshaw only a step behind him.
The tour continued, but this time, Bradshaw was right next to him, taking photos as the tour guide continued to talk.
“Place is kinda a lot,” Bradshaw muttered as he stared around the morning room, the gilded walls and details.
“Up your alley then?” Jake said, the joke falling flat with Bradley’s current attire, but it was a classic, and Jake wasn’t going to let it go past.
“Or yours,” Bradley replied. “I can’t wait to see what fuckery you find at the gift shop.”
“The highest fuckery only,” Jake replied as the tour guide led them outside, and they both stilled at the sight of the massive pool sprawling in front of them, the Greek-inspired columns dotted around the edges and the marble statues all around the edges. “Goddamn.”
“This is Neptune Pool, originally started in 1924, it was built and rebuilt three times before William Hearst finally finished it in 1936,” the tour guide started, standing near the edge.
Jake watched as Bradley lifted the camera and started taking photos, and he waited a few seconds for the tour guide to finish the quick history before shifting in close, his chest to Bradshaw’s back, turning his head, still surprised Bradshaw didn’t pull away.
“At least a hundred-person orgasm,” he whispered, causing Bradley to snort and start chuckling, which turned into full-blown laughter, the man bending over, his hands braced against his knees as he fought to catch his breath.
Jake grinned, stepping away from Bradley, uncaring of the eyes on them as he started to wander around the edge of the pool.
“Hope is the only thing stronger,” Bradshaw called as Jake kept browsing the books, trying to find one that interested him.
“Than what?” Jake asked back.
“Doesn’t say.”
There was the usual collection of history books written for the masses, and Jake enjoyed them; he did. But he wanted the weird ones. The ones that were written by some random person who was fascinated with one aspect instead of the whole thing and wrote a book about it. The niche topics that he couldn’t find on Wikipedia.
“Take the time to make your soul happy.”
Jake turned, glancing over at Bradshaw, who was reading the magnets, a frown creasing his eyebrows. “What would make my soul happy was those things disappearing,” he said, shaking his head as he picked up a book that looked interesting, only to put it back down after reading the blurb.
“That doesn’t sound very live of you.”
“What?” Jake demanded, turning and seeing Bradshaw holding up a magnet with the word live written in large block letters. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the books. “You gonna get one?”
“The high tides good vibes is calling to me,” Bradshaw replied.
Jake snorted before he could stop himself, shaking his head and turning and leaving without a book, none of them piquing his interest. He wandered over to Bradshaw and looked at the magnets, rolling his eyes before reaching out and tapping one. “Experiment, fail, learn, repeat. Get that for Maverick,” he suggested.
Bradshaw snorted. “I’ll cross out the learn before I do.”
Chuckling, Jake shook his head and started wandering again, looking for something to catch his eye. If he had keys, he would’ve grabbed a keychain, but that had never been his choice, and he had more than enough shot glasses and no room to store them anywhere. He rounded a corner, tilting his head to the side as he caught sight of a pair of postcards and wandered over, grabbing them before making his way up to the counter to buy them, an idea forming.
“Do you have a Sharpie by chance?” Jake asked when the sale had been rung through.
The bored teenager handed it over without a noise. Nodding his thanks, Jake quickly wrote on the front of them before handing the sharpie back to the teenager, who was frowning now.
Bradshaw appeared phone back in his hand. “Find anything fun?” he asked, frowning down at whatever he was doing.
“Loads,” Jake said, picking up the pair of postcards and making his way out of the store, Bradshaw trailing behind him.
“What?” Bradshaw asked, catching up and walking next to him.
Without saying anything, Jake tilted the pair of postcards to the side, letting Bradshaw see the pictures of the Roman and Neptune pools, with the fifty and hundred written over them, a question mark following them. He watched as Bradshaw snorted before he broke into laughter again, stumbling and catching himself with a hand on Jake’s shoulder. Jake paused in walking, waiting for Bradshaw to stop laughing and trying to fight a smile of his own.
It took a few moments for Bradshaw to get himself under control, wiping a hand over his eyes before he let out a breath, shaking his head. “Fuck,” he said, still grinning as he met Jake’s eyes. “An orgy is a hell of a souvenir.”
A loud gasp had them turning, and it was Jake’s turn to break into laughter as he turned away from a shocked looking woman with a pair of confused teenagers. Bradley started to babble an apology and started trying to explain it like there was any way to save the interaction. He grabbed Bradshaw’s arm and dragged him away, shaking his head at the contrite sorry Bradshaw threw behind them as they made it outside.
“I think you just made those teenagers a lot more interested in the tour,” Jake said once they were outside.
Bradshaw groaned, dropping his head back as they got in line for the bus to take them back down. “I’m going to be a holiday horror story, aren’t I?”
“You weren’t before?” Jake asked.
Bradley lifted his head with a scowl that faded with a sigh. “Not quite as obviously. And usually not sober.”
“I can’t take you anywhere, can I, darlin'?” Jake asked, letting out a dramatic sigh.
Bradley shook his head, looking rueful. “Apparently not.”
They were back on the road, the ocean flying by as they drove down the coast, only a few other people out. The sun was high in the sky, and the breeze rolling inside was warm. They had stopped to grab an early lunch; neither of them had been hungry, so it had been something light, which was probably a good idea with the amount of sitting Jake had been doing over the last few days. Bradley had fiddled with his phone for a few seconds, his tongue back into the corner of his mouth before he had hooked it up to the aux with a triumphant look he shot at Jake, as if expecting something.
Jake had just raised an eyebrow in reply, waiting for an explanation. Bradley had grinned and shaken his head, leaving Jake’s curiosity piqued. The music was drifting around them, Bradshaw really did have a killer stereo system, and Jake was relaxed enough after lunch he was only half paying attention until a song he thought he knew started playing. He rolled his head back to the side to stare at the radio before turning and looking at Bradshaw, who was clearly fighting a grin.
The chorus started, and Jake let out a bark of surprised laughter.
‘…why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends…’
“Really?” Jake demanded.
“Shh,” Bradley said, reaching over and turning it up so the entire car was filled with the song and Jake would have to shout to be heard.
He watched as Bradshaw sang along with the song for a moment, shaking his head with a chuckle as he looked back out the window, the irritation from earlier gone. It was edging past noon, and the sun shining into the car made him want to ask Bradshaw to pull over so they could get out and go swimming and enjoy the lingering remains of summer before it faded to fall and then winter. Bradshaw was still humming along as the song ended and the next started.
‘…so no one told you life was gonna be this way…’
This one Jake knew as he tapped along with the song, singing softly, remembering Maria, Javy, and Dino making him watch the entirety of Friends during their leave one time, snowed in a cabin that only had a DVD player and all the Friends boxsets and nothing else. It had been fun, all of them full of junk food and laughter, and it was a memory that still brought more joy than hurt, even with Maria being there.
He opened his mouth, suddenly wanting to tell Bradley the story because it was a good memory, something that had made the breakup harder when it had happened but there had been a lot of good times, and all he talked about these days was the breakup. About realizing that Maria had finally gotten sick of his job and had fallen for someone else, someone who wasn’t going to up and leave every few months.
The next song started and the words died in his mouth as Bradley started singing along, easily heard this time over the softer music. It wasn’t the first time Jake had heard Bradley sing, but it felt different this time, locked in a car, a few days into a road trip that was easier than he expected considering their contentious history.
‘…when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light we'll see no, I won't be afraid. Oh, I won't be afraid just as long as you stand, stand by me…’
There was something intimate about the moment, and Jake locked the memory of Maria away again, suddenly not wanting to ruin whatever was happening as he watched Bradley sing, getting into the song, his head bobbing like his namesake, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, no doubt aware of Jake staring.
“You ever think about taking up music seriously?” Jake asked when the song ended, reaching over to turn down the next one, Freddie Mercury talking about his best friend. “You have the ego for it.”
“Sometimes,” Bradley admitted with a shrug. “I like it well enough; I like performing, but there’s a whole lot involved with being a musician that I don’t wanna do. Like, write lyrics or something. The concept of touring doesn’t bother me; the Navy moves me around just as much.” He paused, the song playing softly in the car as Jake waited for him to continue.
‘…as we go on we remember all the times we had together and as our lives change come whatever we will still be friends forever…’
Finally, Bradshaw sighed. “I had my sights set on flying for so long that anything else just kinda fell to the wayside. Maybe in another world.”
Jake hummed, not sure what to say.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What did you wanna do before deciding to go Navy?”
Jake thought back to being a kid and all the hopes and dreams he had, but they all centered around one thing. “I wanted to get away,” he admitted, rubbing fingers over his knee. “Didn’t care where, just away. Away to college, away from Atlanta, away from it all. All through school, I was the good kid; I needed the grades and everything to get a scholarship. Finding out about the Naval Academy was a fucking dream come true, and once I had my sights set on that, it’s all I thought about. I didn’t care what I did as long as I got out. Flying jets is what I was meant to be doing, I know that, and I worked hard for it, but I also got a little lucky with how it worked out.”
To his surprise, Bradshaw nodded. “You make me a better pilot, so yeah, I think you’re right where you’re supposed to be…” Bradshaw trailed off, and Jake waited for him to say something else, but he just shook his head. “You make all of us better.”
Jake had a feeling that wasn’t what Bradshaw was gonna say, but he let it go, aware that peace was easier between them, but it was still delicate.
“Thanks,” he settled on saying as he looked back out the window.
“No problem,” Bradshaw replied, turning up the song as a new one started.
‘…you've got a friend in me you've got a friend in me when the road looks rough ahead and you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed…’
Jake’s head whipped around, and he stared at Bradshaw, who wasn’t even bothering to fight the smile anymore as he sang along, loud enough that Jake could hear him over the song.
“Seriously?” he demanded, speaking up to be able to be heard over both Bradshaw and the song.
“Not a Toy Story fan?” Bradley called.
“Never seen it,” Jake replied.
“No shit?”
The incredulousness in Bradshaw’s voice was something Jake was used to, and he huffed, rolling his eyes. “No. And at this point in time, I refuse to see it just because it makes people annoyed when I say that.”
“I’m not annoyed, I’m just…shocked. It was huge when I was a kid,” Bradshaw said, shrugging. “I kinda figured it was one of those movies everyone’s seen.”
“Don’t you know, darlin’? I’m not everyone?” Jake asked, leaning over the center console so he could stare at Bradley, grinning at him from under his eyelashes.
Chuckling, Bradshaw shoved at his face, pushing him away, and Jake went back easily, looking back out the window as the song faded into the next one.
‘…how can we be lovers if we can’t be friends how can we start over when the fighting never ends…’
It took Jake a long moment to register what the song was saying before he snorted, looking back at Bradley, who was still grinning, but there was a hint of red on his cheeks, which intrigued Jake more than anything. It wasn’t often he saw Rooster embarrassed.
“Wanna tell me something there, darlin’?” Jake asked.
“In my defense, I just looked for any song about friendship without actually…listening to the songs,” Bradshaw replied. “I was doing it kinda quick since you were pissed off.”
“I was pissed off?” Jake demanded.
“Yeah, you were. You woke up in a mood, and I figured I’d leave you be, but it kept getting worse, so I was making the playlist to hopefully kick you out of it, but then you did when we were at the castle. What, did you see a bunch of rich people décor and figure you were in a better mood?” Bradley asked, his voice back to the careful blank that he got sometimes.
Jake gaped at him, almost certain that that wasn’t how the morning had gone, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that Bradshaw hadn’t been snapping at him. He had just been…Rooster. Jake looked back out the window and shrugged. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he said, not sure he could actually say why he had been in a bad mood.
“Nightmares?”
“Nah,” Jake said, shrugging.
“You sure? You were tossing and turning most of the night, or at least when I got to get up and take a leak.”
Jake kept quiet, looking out the window, and shrugged. “If I did, I don’t remember them,” he said finally, mentally begging Bradley to drop it because he didn’t want to think about whatever he had been dreaming about.
“Do you normally?” Rooster asked, clearly missing all the signs.
“No,” Jake admitted. “And I like it that way.”
The silence in the car felt loaded, even with Michael Bolton crooning in the background.
“Sometimes I wish I couldn’t remember mine,” Bradley said softly, voice barely audible over the sound of the music. “I’ve got so many fucking bad memories that sometimes it feels like all I do is have nightmares.”
“Never any good dreams?” Jake asked, wanting to, for some fucking reason, reach out and take Bradley’s hand and squeeze.
“No, almost never,” Bradley said, his voice even quieter and it was only because Jake was watching him he could make out the words.
“I’m sorry,” Jake said, honestly. He had never hated Bradshaw; they hadn’t gotten along, sure, but hate was a strong word Jake didn’t use often. Frustrated, annoyed, irritated, sure. But hatred? No, Jake saved that for people few and far between.
“It’s fine,” Bradley said, even though it was clearly not.
Before Jake could reply, Bradley reached over and turned up the volume, drowning out any chance of speaking. Jake looked back out the window, getting the hint, and the conversation was over.
‘…what would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?...’
Jake jerked awake at a hand on his arm and his head whipped around, the lingering traces of sleep fading as adrenaline hit his system, only for him to relax and scrub a hand over his face at the sight of Bradshaw with his hands held up, leaning away as if Jake was about to hit him. “Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing over his face again. “Are we there yet?”
“For the value of being there,” Bradshaw said, waving away the apology. “No. I needed to piss so I pulled off here.”
Here turned out to be some side-of-the-road public land rest stop off the freeway. Jake didn’t know when or where they had gotten off, but he figured Rooster had noticed a sign somewhere. He was about to ask but got distracted when he noticed a massive lighthouse that stretched into the skies. Jake suddenly cursed California weather and the lack of fog and overcast weather. He always had a mental image of lighthouses with the sort of weather he had experienced only a few times in his life, and the one standing tall in front of him didn’t fit. He bit back the scowl at the sight before rubbing a hand over his face and snagging his sunglasses where they were sitting on the dash and sliding them on.
“I could take a leak,” Jake said, opening the door, only to be hit by a gust of freezing ocean breeze, the wind whipping around them. “Damn,” he said, shivering. “Trunks open?”
“Yeah,” Rooster replied, turning to grab something.
Jake nodded as he closed the door and walked to the back, quickly finding the Mickey sweater and pulling it on, wishing it had pockets but it would do for now. He shivered, the warmth of the car that lingered fading as he shivered again and shook his head with a yawn, still in the middle of waking up as he followed Rooster towards the toilets.
Business done, he huddled against the side of the car, wishing it wasn’t locked as he stared at the lighthouse. “Wanna go?” he asked when Rooster reappeared, jerking his chin towards the lighthouse. “Could be cool.”
Rooster looked at the lighthouse and wrinkled his nose. “Is it open?”
As if summoned, a car drove past and continued driving down the road to park at the base of the hill that led to the top. “Yes,” Jake said, shooting Bradshaw a grin. “C’mon. Lighthouses are part of the Navy.”
“Are they?” Rooster asked, unlocking the car, and the two of them got in, and Jake had to fight to turn up the heating just so he wouldn’t start shivering. Rooster seemed unaffected, the asshole.
“Sure, they guide ships into shore, right? So, they’re friends of the Navy; it’s only fitting we pay a visit.”
Rooster shot him a look that said he knew what Jake was up to, but he started the car and drove, parking next to the car that had just passed them, the small family of four standing at the front as the Mom tied the shoe of one of the kids. Jake nodded as they got out and was hit again by the breeze. He shivered, shaking his head and looking toward the ocean, blinking against the blinking sun.
“You guys here for the whales as well?” the Dad asked, jerking his chin up toward him and Rooster in hello.
“The whales?” Rooster asked, sounding confused as he rounded the car to join Jake.
“The whales!! They’re swimming past!” the little girl said, bouncing now that her shoe was tied. Without saying anything else, she grabbed her Dad’s hand and started dragging him along behind her, the man following and ducking down to talk to her as the Mom followed, carrying the small toddler who seemed half asleep.
“Let's go,” Bradshaw said, turning wide eyes at Jake before he could say anything else. “C’mon.”
“What’s the rush?” Jake asked, even as he fell into step next to Bradshaw.
“It’s whale watching without a boat, when the fuck are you ever gonna have this chance again?” Bradshaw asked, long legs eating up the ground like it was nothing and Jake had to speed up to catch up, the two of them passing the small family quickly, but the Mom just laughed at them as they passed, the little girl dragging her Dad even faster.
“They’ll be there for a bit, kiddo,” the Dad said, the rest of his words swallowed up by the wind as he and Rooster started to climb the hill.
It wasn’t far, but Jake had barely woken up, and he was still in the middle of waking up, trying to get his legs to feel like they weren’t burning. He had been doing his morning stretches, but a few days spent cooped up in a car wasn’t doing him any good and he resolved to switch it up for running here and there. The last thing he needed was to fail his physical when they returned to duty. They made it to the top, and it took a second to find others at a small-looking point along the bluff, and Bradshaw started moving.
“Jeeze, you that excited for whales?” Jake asked, half afraid he would need to break into a jog.
“Aren’t you?” Bradshaw asked, turning and walking backward, a wide grin on his face, ocean breeze ruffling his hair and tugging at his shirt, blowing it open one moment only to make it cling to his torso a second later, sunglasses perched on his nose. With his flushed cheeks and the sun glinting off his hair, he looked like a dream.
Bradley spread his arms wide as he kept backing up. “C’mon, Hangman. Keep up.”
With that, he turned and started speeding up, leaving Jake watching him for a moment before he broke into a run, passing Rooster who shouted, only to laugh and catch up a second later, the two of them running until they got to the viewpoint and skidded to a stop at the barrier, somehow managing not to crash into anyone. Jake was laughing as he braced his hands on the wooden railing, but no one was paying them any attention as they stared out at the ocean, pointing and talking.
“Beat you,” Jake said, even as he scanned the horizon, looking for what everyone else had already found.
“No, you didn’t,” Bradley replied, shoulder pressed against his.
“Sure, I’ll let you have it,” Jake murmured, only half paying attention now as he scanned the horizon. It took a second and a little bit of luck until he saw something break the surface and splash back down. “Oh my god,” he said, surprised at how large it was, even from a distance. “There,” he said, lifting an arm and pointing.
Bradshaw had his camera up a second later, taking photos. “Oh, shit,” he said.
Glancing to the side, Jake let himself be distracted for a moment by Rooster, his face half hidden behind his camera, sunglasses pushed into his hair so he could look through the viewfinder. “Holy shit,” Bradley breathed, and Jake looked away before he got caught staring, looking back out over the ocean and watching as more of the whales breached the surface and slammed back down, the spray catching in the light and looking like glitter falling back into the ocean.
“Wow,” Jake repeated, leaning forward over the barrier as if that would make it easier to see.
An elbow nudged his side, and he turned to see Bradshaw holding out the camera. Jake frowned. “Helps to see,” Bradley explained. “Zoom.”
“Oh,” Jake said, taking the camera and dropping the strap around his neck. The last thing he wanted to do was drop it. “Thanks.”
Bradshaw shrugged, leaning against the railing and staring. Jake looked at him for a moment before he shoved his sunglasses up and raised the camera, pointing it in the direction. It was odd, looking through the small window, and it took him a second to adjust but he couldn’t help the soft gasp as he finally caught sight of the whales up close, their gray skin making it difficult to see them until they broke the surface in long, graceful arcs that seemed incongruous with their size.
“It’s a whale!” a kid shouted, and Jake glanced to the side to see the small family had finally made it, the Dad lifting the kid to stand on the barrier, an arm around her waist, holding her steady as she pointed, clearly excited.
“It is,” the Dad said, grinning at the Mom who was laughing softly, both of them with the proud look of parents who had done something right. “Do you know what kind it is?”
“A gray whale!” the kid said, clapping her hands. “Did you know they can hold their breaths for thirty minutes? That’s so long! That’s a whole show! What do you think they watch?””
“I don’t think whales watch TV,” the Mom said, even as she lifted the second kid so she could see as well, clapping her hands, too young to understand but happy to be there.
Jake looked away, swallowing against the joy he could see in their faces, and looked back through the viewfinder, shoving his mind away from happy families and joy-filled memories they’d never forget and instead watched as the whales kept moving, breaching the surf and dropping back in, doing whatever it was that whales did.
“Holy shit,” Jake repeated, pulling his face away from the camera to turn, beaming at Bradley. “Not a bad idea, Bradshaw.”
Bradshaw was already looking at him, a soft look on his face that Jake couldn’t parse, but he shrugged. “I have them sometimes,” Bradley said before he leaned in, the soft look changing to the smug one he knew. “Even if I won.”
“In your dreams,” Jake replied, lifting the camera back to his face and taking a quick photo of Bradley, who laughed, his head falling back. Jake took another, only to look back out at the ocean and settle in. “Let me know if you want this back,” he said, carefully adjusting the zoom so he could see more.
“I’m good. You just have fun.”
“Well, if you say so.”
That morning it had been obvious that Hangman had been in a shitty mode, made worse for some reason as Bradley tried to keep quiet and let him work his way out of it. Anything he had said had been met with irritation and anger. But that felt like days ago as they wandered back to the car, soft conversation around them as people talked about the whales and parents talked to kids. Bradley could see Hangman glancing at the families and at the parents smiling down at their kids as they chattered excitedly. His heart hurt, knowing that, by his own admission, Hangman had few, if any, good memories like that.
They made it back to the car and were on the road a few minutes later, beating out the traffic but virtue of not actually needing to pack anything back into the car. They were back on the freeway a few minutes later, a random playlist that Bradley had chosen playing in the background. The friendship playlist he had thrown together just to try to either irritate Hangman into snapping at him and diffusing the tension or amusing him had done its job. It had worked better than Bradley had expected, even if he still felt the lingering heaviness of the conversation about dreams and nightmares weighing down on him.
“Thank you,” Hangman said suddenly.
It made Bradley want to jerk the wheel in surprise, but he settled for making a confused noise. Hangman seemed to understand. “For the whales. Never figured I’d get to see them unless we got lucky on the carrier.”
Bradley shrugged as if it was nothing. And it really hadn’t been. He had heard about the whales and remembered Hangman’s fear of boats, and it had been an easy decision to make. It had been fun, more fun than he had expected as they watched with a crowd, listening to the kid spout whale facts like she was the teacher and they were all their students.
“All good,” he said. “We haven’t planned shit for this trip and it beats sitting in the car for another two hours.”
Bradley watched as Hangman groaned and stretched his arms out in front of him. “Don’t remind me. It’s fun seeing everything, but I’m gonna need to start running if we’re going to be sitting as much.”
“Or we just need to find more stuff to do,” Bradley replied.
“Also true,” Jake agreed, grabbing for something to the side. “Google says we’re about an hour away from Monterey and there’s a lot of stuff to do there.”
“You ever been?”
“Nope, you?”
Bradley shook his head. “No. I’ve been to Santa Cruz a few times, had a bit of a Lost Boys obsession growing up so my Mom took me once, but we’ve driven past Monterey, but never actually there.”
“Lost Boys obsession?” Hangman asked, sounding amused. “Of all the eighties movies, it was Lost Boys?”
Bradley felt his cheeks heat. “I uh, thought Jason Patric was hot basically.”
“Really?” Now, he sounded confused.
“Yeah, why do you sound confused?”
“No reason,” Hangman said, the car filling with silence for a moment. “Personally, I was more of a Pretty in Pink, James Spader kinda boy growing up. Not that I fucking realize what it was for a hot minute, but I got there eventually.”
“You would like the asshole,” Bradley joked.
“And you would like the dumbass who got turned and didn’t realize what it was,” Hangman shot back, making Bradley chuckle.
“Whatever, vampires would be cooler than ohhh holy shit,” Bradley said as they rounded a bend in the road and a bridge appeared in front of them.
It spanned from mountain to mountain, and the sun was beginning to get low on the horizon even though sunset was a few hours away. The entire scene was cast in a deep golden color, offset by the bright green of the hills.
“Fuck me,” Hangman said, sounding just as shocked as Bradley was as they rounded another corner on the road and it disappeared for a moment, only to reappear as they came around another curve. Bradley spotted a sign for parking up ahead and he pulled off a few moments later, the two of them getting out of the car in stunned silence.
“That’s a fucking bridge,” Hangman said, walking over to where there was a small pathway that led somewhere, a sign talking about safety. It was obviously a well-trod pathway, and as Bradley watched Jake disappear around a corner, another couple came back, talking and grinning at each other.
He turned, grabbing for his camera before he turned and jogged to catch up to Hangman, switching to walking when he got near the edge and felt his heart begin to race. He had never been afraid of heights, but there was something about standing near an edge with a drop into the ocean crashing against the rocks far, far below that had his heart in his throat. He caught up to Hangman as they got to the small viewpoint, and he stopped, staring at the bridge for a moment before he lifted the camera up and began to take photos.
“Imagine bungee jumping from that,” Hangman said, turning a wide grin back at Bradley.
Bradley took the photo, Jake grinning back at him, the sun making his hair shine gold and the bridge in the background. He was in his jeans from earlier, still wrapped in the Mickey sweater he had pulled on, hair a mess from the wind whipping around them. It was a warm day, the sun beating down, but this close to the ocean, the sea held an edge to it that chased away the heat and made it, as far as Bradley was concerned a perfect day.
“Bungee jumping?” Bradley demanded, looking down as he took a few careful steps toward the edge and began to take photos looking out over the edge of the cliff. “Really?”
“It’s fucking amazing. Freefall? Figured you might like it since you liked ejection training.”
“One of the perks of ejecting, as I’ve been reminded lately, is the lack of freefall if everything is done right,” Bradley shot back, looking back at the bridge and wrinkling his nose. “I’ll leave the bungee jumping to you.”
“If you say so,” Hangman said, holding out his hand. “Want a photo?”
Bradley stared at him for a long moment before he snorted, dropped the camera to drag his phone out of his pocket, and slung an arm around Hangman’s shoulders, spinning the two of them so the bridge was behind him. Hangman made a surprised noise, a hand coming up to grab the back of Bradley’s shirt, almost losing his balance. Bradley took the seconds it took for Jake to right himself to pull up the photo app.
“Smile, you’re on candid camera,” Bradley said, grinning at the camera as he took a selfie of the two of them, feeling Hangman’s glare on the side of his face. “Oh, shitty face it is,” he said, mean-mugging the camera even as he felt Hangman’s shoulders heave and up and down in a sigh before he smiled, and Bradley matched him.
It was odd to see them reflected back in the camera, both smiling, the bridge in the background, Bradley’s arm around Hangman’s shoulders, and he could still feel the flex of fingers at the small of his back, his shirt held tightly. It felt like the argument only a few weeks ago was from two entirely different people, and Bradley didn’t realize how much had changed until that very moment. He pulled his arm away from Jake’s shoulder and flipped through them before closing the phone and shoving it back into his pocket.
“Driving over that is gonna be intense,” Bradley said, turning back to the bridge, still in awe.
“Yeah, it is,” Hangman said, hands back in his pockets. “Hopefully there won’t be an earthquake.”
Bradley’s head whipped around to stare at Hangman, aware he was gaping at the man. “Why would you put that into the universe?” he demanded, aghast.
Hangman rolled his eyes. “It’ll be fine,” he said, clapping Bradley on the shoulder before he turned to head back up the path they had come down. “Let’s go, I’m getting hungry, and I know exactly what I want to eat.”
“Fucking earthquake?” Bradley hissed, but he followed Jake back to the car, glaring at the man’s back, but his stomach growled, reminding him that he was also hungry.
“Really?” Bradley demanded.
“Take a seat, see if you can get the meaning of life from the chocolates,” Hangman replied, waving a hand toward the seat, the fake shoes on the ground. “Come on, you’re the one that likes photos. And what’s more iconic than dinner at Bubba Gumps?”
There really wasn’t anything Bradley could say to that since it would be a lie, so he sat down with a sigh, wrinkling his nose as he shoved his feet in the fake shoes and smiled at Hangman, who had his phone out, holding it like a Dad at a kids T-ball game. He had changed out of the sweater into a flannel, and Bradley hadn’t missed how he had shivered, grabbing a baseball cap to try and control his hair, in his own words, since the ocean breeze had ruined it. He looked like half the Dad’s Bradley could see walking around, looking as exhausted as their kids.
“Stunning,” Hangman said with the sort of grin that told Bradley it was anything but.
Bradley rolled his eyes and stood, waiting for Hangman, figuring there was no chance in hell of getting him to sit for the photo, so it was a surprise when Jake nudged him out of the way and sat, looking up at Bradley with an expectant eyebrow, silently asking Bradley to hurry the fuck up.
Bradley knew that eyebrow well. Shaking his head with a snort, he stepped back to take the photo.
“Was that so hard?” Hangman asked as he stood, and they headed into the restaurant to put their names down.
“Well…it’s you so I generally assume a general level of added difficulty,” Bradley replied, causing Hangman to let out a bark of surprised laughter.
“Good one, Rooster,” Hangman said, nudging his side only to shuffle when a family squeezed past, a kid on the Dad’s shoulder, conked out but still with a death grip on some sort of stuffed animal.
Bradley watched Hangman look at them and thought back to the kids earlier. “You want kids?” he asked, seeing Hangman’s surprised look, and he was surprised he had asked as well.
Hangman was silent long enough that Bradley figured the conversation had moved on and he searched for a different topic to try and get rid of the awkward feeling he had building up in his chest at asking the wrong question.
“I’ve never been sure,” Jake admitted, not looking back at Bradley. “Maria wanted them, but I’d always been indifferent. I like kids well enough. Javy’s family has more than enough to populate every NFL team, so I’ve babysat a lot over the years, with and without Maria. But, I don’t know.” He shrugged, finally turning to look at Bradley. “Mine didn’t want me, so I kinda figure that I should want them if I have them, but I always loved Maria enough and loved those nights babysitting with her that I thought I did. But now…”
He trailed off again and shrugged. Bradley waited a moment, the conversation feeling heavy but he understood.
“I wanna fly till I can’t anymore,” Bradley said into the ensuing silence. “But, I know what it’s like to lose a Dad because of the military, and also, in a sense, grow up with one that was deployed a lot. It wasn’t easy, and my Mom did her best. She always had a lot of friends, but it was definitely a lot lonely sometimes.”
Not as lonely as Jake, Bradley supposed. But he knew better than to bring that up.
“What a shit show of a pair we are,” Hangman said, causing Bradley to chuckle, some of the tension breaking, but it was still there, and Bradley fished around for something to say to ease them back from the conversation without making it awkward.
“Seresin, party of two?”
The conversation broke as they both turned to see the hostess looking around. Jake took a step forward, raising a hand to catch her attention and flashing her a smile that got a smile in return.
“Follow me, please.”
Seated, menus in hand, Bradley stared at the array of options and felt his stomach grumble as his body reminded him of how little they had eaten that day. He suddenly felt tired, the weight of the long day in the car suddenly taking its toll, and he hid his yawn behind his hand. He shook his head, turning it and staring out the window they were seated by, the ocean stretching out before them. They had been seated at a little two-top, tucked into a corner, away from the larger groups, so Bradley felt almost isolated, but he was enjoying it. He looked back at Hangman, seeing his intense look at the menu, and grabbed his phone, not actually sure what he felt like.
Nat: u gonna tell me who ur fucking up the ca coast yet?
Me: not fucking anyone
Nat: sure okay w/e
Nat: r u doing okay?
Me: I’m fine, mother nat.
Nat: well excuseeee me for asking
Me: how’s bob?
Nat went silent, making Bradley huff as he pulled up the chat with Mav, seeing the question from earlier in the day still unanswered.
Mav: are you doing anything for Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving felt so far away, but Bradley knew it would be here faster than he thought. He was glad Mav hadn’t asked about Christmas, especially so close to having been in Solvang. He tapped at the screen, thinking about what he wanted to do, but he didn’t know. He hadn’t known that morning, he hadn’t thought about it all day on purpose, and now, sitting in the restaurant, he didn’t know either.
“And you, sir?”
Bradley flinched at the voice, head shooting up to see a wide-eyed waitress looking at him. He blinked, wondering how the fuck he had missed her. He glanced over at Hangman, who was frowning, and he cleared his throat, closing his phone and looking down at the menu.
“Um, same?” he said, unable to keep the question out of his voice.
“A coronarita, salt rim, and with passionfruit?” the waitress asked; recovering quicker than he had, Bradley caught sight of her name tag, Alex.
“Uh, no salt but sure,” Bradley said, shrugging.
Alex nodded and looked between them. “Are you ready to order?”
“What’s the best way to get the most amount of shrimp?” Hangman asked before Bradley could. “An obscene amount. I want everyone around me to be worried for my health tomorrow.”
Alex snorted before tilting her head to the side and thinking. “Well, if you get the large Shrimpers catch for the appetizer, that’ll be a pound of either garlic or Cajun shrimp, and then we have Shrimpers Heaven, which includes coconut, fried, and tempura shrimp with fries.”
“Can I do half a pound each of garlic and Cajun for the appetizer?” Hangman asked, looking more excited than Bradley expected.
Alex nodded. “Yep.”
“Alright, I want that, and then that other thing you said as well,” Hangman said, grinning up at her. “Thank you.”
Nodding, Alex turned to Bradley, who was gaping at Jake. It took him a second to gather his wits before he shook his head and looked down at the menu. “Um,” he said, scanning quickly before saying the first thing that caught his attention. “Crab and shrimp boil, garlic please.”
“Alright, can do,” Alex said, looking between them. “Anything else?”
They both shook their heads, and she nodded, taking the menu and walking off, leaving the two of them staring at each other.
“What’s with the shrimp—”
“What’s wrong—”
They both stopped, looking at each other before Hangman sighed. “I like shrimp. There’s not a lot of good shrimp places in Lemoore, so I get it when I can.”
“I like shrimp as well. You’re about to become a shrimp.”
Hangman shrugged unapologetically. “I’ll brush my teeth real well before bed, don’t you worry darlin’. Now, what’s with the long face and mournful sighs at your phone?”
Bradley shrugged, rubbing fingers over the screen before he sighed. “Mav asked if I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with him.”
“And that’s a problem because?”
Alex returned with their drinks, and Bradley leaned back with a soft thank you as she set them down and left again. He watched as Hangman picked up the drink and licked over the rim before taking a long sip, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. He opened his eyes and stared at Bradley, eyebrow raising in question. He wondered if Hangman would let it drop if he let it drop and settled for rubbing a hand over his face, finger, and thumb smoothing over his mustache.
“Because I don’t know if I’m ready to spend the holidays with him,” Bradley got out in a rush before continuing before Hangman could finish opening his mouth, “but I also do want to spend the holidays with him because we missed a lot. And I want to enjoy the time we have together. Life is a lot shorter than sometimes we wish it could be.”
Hangman nodded, fingers tapping on the side of his glass. “Kinda sounds like you made up your mind already.”
“What?” Bradley frowned.
“You want to spend the time together, and you know how short life can be. So yeah, you might not be ready, but what else are you gonna do? Not go? Spend another Thanksgiving without him?” Hangman asked, meeting his eyes, eyebrows raised as if daring Bradley to call him out on why he was wrong.
Bradley huffed, leaning back in the chair and trying to find an argument, only to deflate when he realized he only wanted to find an argument because it was Hangman and not because he actually had a good one. “You’re…not wrong,” Bradley said, not sure he could admit Hangman was right.
“I know,” Hangman said, still smug.
Rolling his eyes again, he grabbed his phone and opened up the texts with Mav, quickly typing out a reply that he would like to spend Thanksgiving together and sending it. His phone buzzed barely a second later from Mav, and it made him feel bad about waiting so long to reply.
Mav: awesome kiddo. Can’t wait. We can figure it all out.
Mav: how’s the trip?
Me: it’s good. In Monterey right now, about to eat dinner.
Me: Call you later?
Mav: sure!
Bradley hadn’t been planning on offering the call, but it had come out, and now that it had, he found himself almost anticipating the call. An obnoxious slurping had him looking up to see Hangman staring at him, a familiar smug look in his eyes, and half of his drink already gone. Bradley rolled his eyes.
“You drink like a sorority girl.”
“And damn proud of it,” Hangman said with a wink, just as Alex arrived carrying Jake’s appetizer. Bradley didn’t know what he had been expecting, but the pile of shrimp in a pail hadn’t been it. He could smell the garlic, and his stomach rumbled, reminding him exactly how fucking hungry he was.
“You two need anything else?” Alex asked, setting it down.
“We’re good,” Bradley said, watching as Hangman picked up a shrimp and peeled it with an ease that spoke to more practice than Bradley wanted to think about before eating it, eyes closing in happiness and the corner of his mouth pulling up in a smile.
“Oh shit, this is better than expected,” Hangman said before grabbing a second one, and then he was off.
Bradley watched with a feeling of detached horror as Hangman descended upon the shrimp, eating them with gusto, now and again, reaching out for more of his margarita, the corona in the bottle slowly getting lower and lower until Hangman just picked it up and let the rest of the beer sink into the drink.
“You want one?” Hangman asked, picking up another shrimp and peeling it, adding it to the pile of growing shells.
He took a second to think about it before he sighed and shrugged. “Fuck it, why not,” he said, grabbing one of the shrimp and peeling it, not as easily as Hangman had, but he managed to get it off before eating it, half of him expecting a chorus of angels to show up and show him that he was now on the right path.
It was a shrimp.
“It’s fine,” he said, leaning back as he chewed and swallowed. “Nothing to write home about.”
“Heathen,” Hangman replied, pulling the plate closer as if Bradley was offensive in some way, and proceeded to finish the pound of shrimp without breaking a sweat.
“That was disgusting,” Bradley said, wrinkling his nose as Hangman cleaned his fingers off and leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach with one hand, the other finishing the drink off with a slurp, licking the last of the salt off the rim.
“Don’t be a hater, Rooster,” Hangman said, shooting him a quicksilver grin as he hooked fingers over his stomach and waggled his eyebrows, shooting a look to the side. “Second course is about here.”
As if on queue, Alex appeared carrying their plates. “Alright, here you go,” she said, setting their meals down. “Anything else?” she asked as she grabbed the empty plate and the one with the pile of shells without so much as blinking.
“Another drink, please, and thanks,” Hangman said, smiling up at her.
“Same,” Bradley said, not even half finished with his, but if he had to watch Hangman eat that much again, he needed to be a little less sober. “Thanks.”
“Coming right up.”
“This is the best meal we’ve had so far,” Hangman said, winking at Bradley as he leaned forward and started eating again.
Bradley watched, horrified for a second, before his stomach growled and he chose to ignore Hangman in favor of eating.
“I’m going to need to walk before bed,” Hangman said later, standing outside of the restaurant, one hand on the wall, the other one on his hip.
“Or vomit?” Bradley offered, jerking his head to the side where he could see some stairs that led down to the beach. “Come on. Before you chunder and throw everyone off their meal.”
“I’m not going to vomit,” Hangman said, following him after a second. “I just need to walk it off. Like a post-thanksgiving football game, you know?”
“No, I don’t know. Post Thanksgiving meal is vegetating on the couch and watching whatever channel the TV was left on because it’s too much effort to change it,” Bradley shot back, remembering days spent with his Mom and sometimes Mav on the couch, watching whatever rerun was showing, or series of infomercials. Sometimes, they got lucky and got a sports game of some sort. It didn’t matter what it was; it had always just been spending the time together that mattered.
“Cute,” Hangman said, sounding serious enough that Bradley didn’t feel the familiar need to snap back he sometimes got when he talked about the small Thanksgivings he had growing up.
They made it onto the beach. It was a short stretch of sand, more of a cove, but it was quiet as the sun started to set, the few families making their way up. They walked the stretch of it, Bradley stopping to take some photos now and again of things that interested him. He was crouching, waiting for one of the seagulls to stop jerking around, when he felt someone stand next to him. He took the photo a split second before the bird flew away and turned, looking up to see Hangman, hands still on his hips.
“I never really understood the appeal of the ocean growing up,” Hangman said softly.
Bradley stood, shifting from foot to foot. “Why?”
“Never saw it,” Hangman explained, shrugging. “You know Atlanta has a tree canopy? There’s so many fucking trees that sometimes it’s impossible to get sunlight. But it works because the summers can get rough. I loved it; it always felt kinda magical, you know? So, never understood the appeal of the ocean until I saw it for the first time.”
“What happened?” Bradley asked, voice soft, trying to imagine not having seen the ocean until he was eighteen.
He had grown up only blocks away from it, and on quiet nights when he couldn’t sleep, sometimes he was able to make out the crash of waves against the breaks. Being out in the middle of the ocean, nothing but darkness spreading out in front of him and the smell of salt water mixing with everything on the carrier, was one of the most peaceful things Bradley could imagine.
Hangman bent down and tugged his shoes and socks off, rolling up his jeans before flashing Bradley another quick grin, but this was different. This wasn’t the quicksilver one Bradley was used to, the one where it felt like Hangman was telling a joke no one would ever understand. This was soft, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, the dimples so deep Bradley was surprised they ever disappeared. It looked real, and his fingers itched to take a photo.
“I still prefer trees,” Hangman said, standing up and chuckling at the unimpressed look Bradley shot his way.
“Big build-up for that little announcement,” Bradley said, watching as Hangman started to wade into the ocean, walking a few steps before he stopped and planted hands on his hips as the sun began to set, turning the ocean gray as a brilliant sunset erupted over the skies.
Neither of them spoke for a long moment before Bradley raised his camera, taking a few shots, the setting sun backlighting Jake until he was barely visible, just the outline of a man.
“I like the ocean well enough,” Hangman said, turning and grinning at Bradley over his shoulder.
Bradley took another photo, any features were barely visible but Bradley would remember that moment, even as Hangman rolled his eyes at him, but it was a far cry from the way he had ducked away the first night.
“But I don’t know. The ocean is amazing, vast, and so filled with shit we don’t even know? But it’s so loud. Constantly crashing against the shore, making all this noise. You ever been deep in a forest?”
“Can’t say I have,” Bradley said, dropping the camera to hang from the strap before tugging off his socks and shoes to join Hangman.
“It’s peaceful. You get deep enough, and it’s like you’re the only person around.”
Bradley couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose at that. “No thanks.”
Hangman huffed, shrugging. “I like it.”
Bradley nodded, not saying anything for a moment because he was distracted by the sunset. “We keep heading north; there’s a lot of trees up there. Big ones even,” he said, thinking of the Giant Sequoias on the Avenue of Giants. He imagined Jake seeing those trees and wondered if he would also feel as small as Bradley had felt.
“Sounds like we’re heading North then,” Hangman said, nudging Bradley in the side.
“Sounds like it,” Bradley replied, watching as the sun winked out, leaving them in darkness while his eyes adjusted.
He blinked a few times before he turned, stilling as he caught sight of a soft smile on Hangman’s face, head tilted back, half illuminated by the lights coming from Cannery Row and half by the moonlight that was beginning to make itself known now that the sun had continued its journey.
Beautiful wasn’t often a word Bradley used to describe other men, but right then, it was the only word that came to mind.
Chapter Text
Jake stared across the ocean, the lingering stress from the nightmare he couldn’t remember still hounding him even after a long run. He could feel sweat trickling down his back, and the ocean breeze was beginning to make him shiver from where he was sitting on the beach. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and stretched his legs out in front of him, feeling the sand stick to his legs, but he ignored it as he grabbed his toes and pulled himself forward with a groan, rolling his shoulders and pressing his forehead to his knees to try and stop himself from focusing on what he couldn’t remember.
“You’re not human, are you?”
Starting, Jake sat up and turned, spotting Bradshaw in the middle of sitting down. He was in jean shorts and an old, faded sweater with the hoodie pulled up so it half covered his eyes. Bradley collapsed the rest of the way with a groan, reaching up to rub a hand over his face, half hiding a yawn behind one hand before dropping it.
“What do you mean?” Jake asked, unable to take his eyes away from Bradley’s face, the creases on his cheek barely visible from the beard growing over his cheeks, the softness in his face that came from being barely awake.
“You woke up how early to run? And now stretching? Not human. Nope. A clone to make us all feel bad,” Bradley said, voice rough from sleep.
“You didn’t have to wake up, you know,” Jake said with a huff of amusement. “And who would I be a clone of?”
“A morning person?”
“So myself?”
“Sure,” Bradley said, shooting a tired but amused smile at him.
Jake snorted and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling gross and in need of a shower. He thought about keeping quiet. He was used to dealing with moments like this alone, but he found himself talking anyway. “No. No clone. This is the result of a nightmare. Don’t remember what it was. Wish I could. But all I have is waking up with a feeling.”
The only sound for a moment was the seagulls flying overhead as waves crashed before Bradshaw sighed. “What sort of feeling?” he asked softly.
“The kind of feeling where everything’s falling out from underneath me and it lingers, you know? I wake up, and there’s this pit in my stomach I can’t get rid of,” Jake said, surprising himself with how easy it was to tell Bradshaw this in the early morning, just them and the seagulls on this stretch of beach. “Don’t know why it happened.”
“Well, it isn’t like you’ve had any sort of trauma lately or anything,” Bradshaw said, knocking his shoulder against Jake's. “Dreams. Nightmares. They just happen; no point in making sense of them, I’ve found. You could spend months antagonizing over what they mean only to find out they don’t mean anything. Just a bunch of stimulus your brain doesn’t know what to do with.”
“Mmm, who told you that?”
“The therapist Mav made me go and see after my Mom died. I had a lot of nightmares, my brain telling me all the ways Mav would be next to go and then I’d have no one,” Bradshaw explained, shrugging his shoulders as if it was nothing. “You could look into them if doing that makes you feel better. But it never worked for me. So, I had to learn to let them all go when I woke up.”
“Did you?”
“What?”
“Let them all go?”
Bradshaw crossed his legs and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He was silent for long enough Jake turned back to stretching, figuring that he wasn’t going to answer. It wasn’t until he had one foot crossed over his knee and he was twisting, feeling the stretch in his back.
“No,” Bradshaw said, turning his head to meet Jake’s gaze. “And yes?”
Jake relaxed slightly but didn’t move, tilting his head to the side as he waited for Bradshaw to continue, and this time, he didn’t have to wait long.”
“I mostly have, you know? I’m kinda prone to anxiety and catastrophizing, but I’d convinced myself to let it all go, everything in the dreams that my brain smashed together. But I don’t always. And sometimes I can’t get them out of my brain, and they linger for a lot longer than needed. But I am getting better, and learning how to let them go does get easier over time, but it never is perfect. And it’s something I’m always gonna have to deal with.”
Jake was afraid to look away, seeing the intense look in Bradshaw’s eyes that almost wanted to draw him in, make him lean in closer and listen more as Bradshaw made it seem possible. As if he could take that step and let the nightmare fade, but it sounded too good to be true, it sounded easy, but Jake had never believed in things being easy. That hadn’t been his experience.
“Yeah, sounds easier than it is,” Bradshaw said in response to whatever he saw on Jake’s face.
“Wish it were,” Jake replied, letting both of his legs stretch out and facing the ocean again.
Bradshaw knocked his knee with his knuckles. “It does get easier. That I can promise you. The nightmares, I mean. Time does make the bad things a little less bad.”
That, at least, was something Jake believed Bradshaw knew intimately.
“You’ve been around here before?” he asked, changing the topic because he didn’t know what else to say.
Bradshaw took the change easily. “Yeah, Santa Cruz mostly. It was a whole teenage thing. Actually, driving to Santa Cruz was the first road trip my Mom and I took when I got my learner's permit. She was still all there but got tired easily, so she let me drive most of it.”
“Was it fun?” Jake asked, feeling a little intrusive, but part of him would always soak up other people’s moments with their family, unable to get rid of the little kid who wanted those moments for himself.
“A blast,” Bradshaw said. “My Mom could talk the ear of off anyone. She always had some story, some anecdote, or something and could always keep a conversation going. She was the person in the center of a party keeping it going.”
“She sounds like a riot,” Jake said, thinking of Bradshaw in the middle of a crowd, making friends easily, and bit back the urge to tell him that. He wasn’t sure how Bradshaw would take it.
“She was.”
The same sadness that Jake had noticed before was there, and he wondered what it would be like to miss your parents so much that the sadness was still there decades later. Jake missed what he could've had. Not the who.
Sitting up, Jake leaned back on his hands and looked out at the ocean, at how open it was, the same as their day. No plans. Just a stretch of openness in a way Jake was still getting used to after so long of a regimented routine.
“You got any favorites?” Jake asked, looking at Bradshaw, who was already watching him.
Eyebrows went up. “For?”
Jake jerked his chin in a circle. “The area. We don’t have any plans aside from north, but I don’t really feel like spending another full day in the car. I’m sure there’s shit to do around here.”
“Monterey? Yeah, but I know Santa Cruz better.”
“Is it far?”
Bradley shook his head. “An hour, maybe. You wanna go?”
“Got a better idea?”
Bradshaw reached up, shoving his hoodie back so he could scrub a hand through his hair before shaking his head. “Nah. Don’t know what’ll be open.”
“Part of the fun of road trips, or so they tell me. Never know what you’re gonna get,” Jake said, standing up and bending over to brush his legs off, shaking them out where the ache from the long run was setting in from sitting for so long.
“That is true,” Bradshaw said, rubbing both hands over his face. “But first, shower and food.”
“Yeah, you need it,” Jake said, holding out a hand.
Bradshaw glanced at it before he took it and let Jake haul him up, the sand making them both unstable, bringing them close together. “I need a shower?” Bradshaw asked, leaning in and sniffing loudly. “Sure.”
Jake laughed, shoving at Bradshaw’s shoulder, causing the man to stumble back a few steps and laugh. “Asshole.”
“Takes one to know one,” Bradley said, turning and beginning to wander back up toward the hotel slowly, waiting for Jake to join him.
“I might smell, but you’re gonna pass out the first time you get back into the cockpit when we get back if you keep not doing anything,” Jake pointed out.
Bradley groaned, holding up a finger. “No, shush. No. I’m not thinking about that.”
“No?” Jake asked, grinning at Bradshaw.
“Nope,” Bradley replied, speeding up, leaving Jake behind as he laughed at Bradley, wondering if he could convince the man to join him for yoga in the morning again.
If only to watch him struggle. That was all.
Jake let out a whoop as the rollercoaster crested the top and started hurtling down the slope, his arms up as his stomach dropped in a familiar enough way that he couldn’t help the wide grin stretching over his face as they rounded a corner; Bradshaw sliding across the seat until he was shoving Jake into the corner, only for the two of them to slide to the other side of the cart as they sounded another corner, their breathless laughter mixed with the cries and screams of those on the ride with them. By the time they pulled back into the station, Jake was laughing, cheeks hurting from smiling so wide as he pulled his hat back on and stumbled out of the ride, joining the rush of people to leave the ride, only to turn and get back into line, Bradshaw a step behind him with a snort of amusement.
“Again?” Bradley asked, leaning against the wall when they got to the end of the line.
“It’s fun, so sue me,” Jake said, fingers wrapping around the railing as he looked at Bradley, cheeks flushed with adrenaline and his smile wide on his face. “We can do something else if you like. One of those spinning rides looks fun.”
“After the amount of cotton candy, I just ate? No thanks,” Bradshaw said, rubbing a hand over his stomach and looking sick.
Jake laughed as they moved with the shifting line, already close to the front. The drive up had taken an hour, like Rooster had said it would, and after a quick breakfast at the first place they had come across, Bradshaw had driven them right to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. A place Jake had heard of and had seen photos, but he had never been before. To his surprise, it was open, but it wasn’t busy. It was a weekday, and most of the kids were about to start school, summer clinging in the way that California summers tended to cling, fighting against winter as long as they could, but it was still losing the battle. It was the last week open, or so one of the ride attendants had told them, and only locals were around, enjoying the final days of the fun.
Bradshaw had spouted facts about the Giant Dipper as they stood in line the first time. How it was one of the oldest surviving rollercoasters, the movies it had been in, and how, it was the site of the first and only time Bradley had thrown up on a rollercoaster. When he was ten years old and five bags of cotton candy into the day with Mav, and his stomach hadn’t appreciated it.
Which, naturally, meant that Jake had to buy them both two bags and see if they could handle it. So far, neither of them seemed inclined to throw up, but even Jake could admit his stomach was beginning to feel a little out of sorts.
“Sounds like a bitch out,” Jake said anyway, never able to not make fun of Bradshaw. It was fun, and riling him up was a pastime these days, but instead of anger, Bradley just laughed and shook his head, moving toward the front of the line, waving hello at the same ride operator who just chuckled and set them to go in the front for the fourth time in a row.
“Sounds like we should get something else to eat after this because I’m hungry,” Bradley said, sliding into the ride.
Jake didn’t argue as he got in, tugging his hat back off as the Bradshaw pulled the bar down across their lap, and the ride started. He threw his hands up, hearing Bradley laughing next to him as he joined, his hands knocking against Jake’s as the ride rattled on up, hearing the people behind them laugh, and all Jake could think about was reaching out and taking Bradley’s hand.
But, thankfully, the thought fled his mind as the train crested the top of the ride, and the ride started.
Stumbling out, Jake forced himself to turn away from the entrance to the ride again, going the other way, Bradley falling into step next to him. “Looks like your stomachs made of stronger stuff,” Jake threw out, walking slowly as he took in the boardwalk, the rides and the people there, laughing and walking in groups.
“Not really,” Rooster said, rubbing a hand over his stomach as they walked. “But I also ate three more bags, and I’m not inclined to do that these days.”
“Old,” Jake threw out, bumping his shoulder against Bradley’s as they walked.
“Smarter,” Bradley corrected before nudging Jake to the side. “Come on,” he said, steering them toward another ride. “This is the one Mav loved. He would ride it again and again without stopping.”
“Of course, he could,” Jake said, staring up at the ride before he grinned as he watched it go, the entire thing moving, and then the cars moving as well. Rock-O-Plane was written proudly on the sign. “Reminds me of the zipper.”
“Zipper?”
Jake joined Bradley in line before he nodded. “Yeah, it was this ride that was at a carnival that came every year in Atlanta. One of the set it up overnight kinda rides. It was like this, but it was, fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was insane; I was the only one who could ride it and not throw up with my friends.”
Bradley made a humming noise, and Jake wasn’t surprised to see his phone out when he looked over as the very short line moved forward. He shifted closer, watching over Bradley’s shoulder as he pulled up a video and tilted it toward Jake. “That’s the one,” he said, grinning as he watched it. “Felt like a death trap, but fuck, I loved it.”
“I can’t tell if I would like it or not,” Bradley said, pulling the phone closer and frowning at it.
“Do you like this one?”
Bradley glanced up as the ride continued before he sighed. “I liked it as a kid because Mav liked it, so I don’t know honestly. My Mom never liked rides like these. She loved the Ferris wheel, the carousel, and the slower rides. Not because she didn’t like anything fast. She was just as bad as Mav when it came to motorbikes; she just preferred the slower rides. Where you could enjoy them better. But I, uh, kinda worshiped Mav as a kid.”
“Understandable,” Jake said, easily seeing how a kid would worship someone like Mav. Hell, he had known the man by name only for a long time, and having the chance to work with him had been a dream come true.
“So, not sure,” Bradley said as the ride began to load people.
Jake watched as people stumbled out, only to let the next group on, one by one until they were ushered onto the last car for this cycle. They slid into the cage, shoved in tight, made tighter when the bar came down across their laps, and the door closed.
Bradley let out a breathless chuckle, shifting as if that would make it more comfortable as they tried to fit two grown men in a small cage. “Willing to try though.”
“Clearly,” Jake said. “So the question is, how do we get the most spin from this.”
With a sigh, Bradley reached out and spun the wheel in front of them before the ride took off, and then the world outside was spinning, and all Jake could do was laugh, listening as Bradley began to mutter ‘oh god’ under his breath at regular intervals.
“Oh my god,” Bradley said as they stumbled from the ride, causing Jake to laugh, nudging the man to the side to lean against a railing overlooking the beach to give him a few moments. He looked a little green around the edges, and Jake figured that a few moments wouldn’t kill them. They had all the time in the world.
“We fly jets for a living, darlin’, why the fuck are you pressed about a ride,” Jake said, watching as Bradley bent over, bracing his elbows on the railing and dropping his head down, breathing in deep.
He matched the other man, keeping his eyes on the ocean instead, watching a few people as they body surfed the small waves that crashed into shore. Bradley was quiet long enough that Jake turned his head, staring at Bradshaw, who had pulled his sunglasses off and was pinching the bridge of his nose, still looking a little green and a lot pale. Pale enough that Jake felt worried.
“Bradshaw?” Jake asked, keeping his voice low as he leaned in.
“Fuck,” was all Bradshaw said in response after a long moment, almost gasping to get words out. “Can you just talk for a second? Don’t give a shit what it’s about. Just talk.”
Jake had always been able to talk; he was good at it. But suddenly, he felt like every word he knew had dried up in an instant. “Um,” he said, unsure suddenly of what to say but Bradshaw had asked and Jake struggled, latching onto the first topic that came to mind.
“So, first person I dated right after me and Maria broke up was a grade a asshole, and this is coming from me. Jav likes to say it’s because I was lookin’ for a reason to fight, and I’m not gonna say he was wrong. So, anyway, fuckin Carl,” Jake paused as Bradley huffed, snorting as he inclined his head.
“Yeah, Carl, and trust me, I hated his name then as well, but he was a mean sonvabitch, worked as a bouncer at a few dive bars around Lemoore. The kind of dive bars where you don’t actually go for a dive bar experience you know? The dive bars you avoid no matter what. It’s the rough side of town, sure as shit where I shouldn’t have been, but I grew up around those kinda bars, so they felt like home in a sense. And it was better than the Navy ones because there I had to be Hangman. So, I was there, and Carl was just not letting me in. His job was to make sure people who didn’t know what happened in them weren’t allowed in because it was just askin’ for trouble, the kind of trouble that meant police and no one inside wanted police you know? Especially not in a Navy town where everyone in a ten-mile radius could spot one of us without even blinkin’.”
Jake paused at the memory of that night, hindsight not making him that happy with his actions even if he had come to terms with it now.
“So, anyway. Carl’s giving me the once over, smirkin’ and he knows exactly what branch I’m from, hell he clocked I was a pilot right away. Said I was the kind of cocky that you only got from strappin’ onto a rocket and doing dumb shit in it. Said I wasn’t supposed to be there. Now, I’m pissed off and still hurting from Maria, and so I’m trying to get in. Tell him all about where I grew up, what was happenin’ in the bar and I knew exactly the sort of people in there. He didn’t deny it, but he kept telling me to fuck off, and I’ve never been good with people telling me to fuck off.”
That made Bradshaw chuckle, and the sound was good, it was better than the gasping, so Jake kept talking.
“So, pisses me off something fierce so now I’m in what Javy likes to call my fuck up off and out phase. Where I fuck up on purpose and then get told to fuck off and get the fuck out or else. I’m sure you know it well,” Jake said, hands itching to reach out and rest a hand on Bradley’s shoulder, but he kept his hands curled around the railing.
“Oh, I do.”
“Right, so I get in Carl’s face, knowing exactly how to get under someone's skin because I’d had a lot of practice with it,” he said, finally giving in and reaching out to knock his knuckles on Bradley’s shoulder. “So anyway, I’m up close and personal and then just step back and give him a once over and tell him if he wasn’t gonna let me inside for some fun, then he should do me a favor and blow me instead since he looked like he’d be good at it. See, I figured he’d be homophobic and throw a punch, it wouldn’t be the first time, and a fight was a fight as far as I was concerned, and the only thing Navy in the area was my sorry ass so I didn't have to worry about fuckin' shit."
“Take it he didn’t punch you?” Bradley asked.
“Nope, just gave me this real long slow once over that made me feel ten kinds of slimey, the little warning bells in my head ringing but I was ignoring them. So Carl finished the once over and then met my eyes and told me, with the way I ran my mouth, it’d be better if I blew him before giving me his address and telling me he’d be home at 3 am.”
“Jesus fuck.”
The judgment was evident in Bradley’s voice, and Jake sucked on his teeth, nodding his head as he turned, leaning against the railing and watching the happy groups of people walking by. “Oh yeah, trust me, you ain’t gonna tell me nothing Javy and Beth haven’t told me already. But, I end up goin’, and we end up fuckin’ for a few weeks. And kind wasn’t even in the fuckin’ country whenever we got together. He wasn’t stupid, wasn’t gonna fuck me up in a way that stopped me from doing my job. I was in the Navy, and I was a lieutenant with an air-to-air kill on top of that. All things he knew. But that still leaves a whole lot open in the end.”
“Christ.”
Jake looked at Bradley. The green tint was gone, but he was looking at Jake with horror. Jake nodded. “Oh yeah. Not my best move.”
“Why’d it end?” Bradley asked, standing up and letting out a shuddering breath, looking more like himself.
“Asshole threw a punch at the wall next to my head when we were in the middle of some argument I had started. Didn’t aim at my head, he wanted to hit the wall, scare me a bit. And it did scare me, but not of him. Nah, he was just a jumped-up asshole who only knew violence and wasn’t inclined to find a different way. Nah, what scared me was that I had led him to believe that doin’ something like that would actually work because I was in a self-destructive spiral. It pissed me off something wicked. So, I left, he said some things about me comin’ back, and I just ignored him cuz I wasn’t ever goin’ back, and I never did. But, I got back to base, woke up Javy and Beth, and told them fuckin’ everything because I needed someone to make sure I was accountable because I was sure I wasn’t gonna go back, but I needed to be extra sure, yeah?.”
“And they didn’t put you into therapy?” Bradley asked, turning, somehow coming closer to Jake so his chest brushed his shoulder.
“Oh, they did. Therapy. Beth and I started the two-person book club. Javy would drag me to hang out with his squad and my own; he made me share my location with him, Beth would go hiking with me, and we did a cooking class. I put on ten pounds of muscle in three months because of them. Whatever they could do, they did, and I let them even tho, in the end, they didn’t need it because I’m uh, I’m pretty good at doin’ shit when I need to do it,” Jake said, turning and shooting a quicksilver grin at Bradley, one of the ones that people hated if they knew him because it didn’t actually mean anything. “Yeah, not my finest moment. If it makes you feel better, the few people I’ve dated since then were all a lot nicer.”
“And Carl didn’t have an issue with you not coming back?”
Jake snorted. “What was he gonna do? Storm Lemoore? Nah.” He paused and shrugged. “Looked him up later. Just to see you know? It turns out he’s doing twenty for armed robbery with the discharge of a weapon with intent to harm.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jake.”
Nodding, Jake dropped his chin down to his chest, feeling that familiar well of shame try to rise up, but he shoved it down. “Oh yeah. Only thing I’m glad about is no one clocked we were fuckin’ or otherwise I might’ve been called in and fuck wouldn’t that have been a fun meeting to have with my CO.”
Bradley huffed, shaking his head out of the corner of Jake’s eye. He nodded his head, lifting his chin and shoving away the shame, knowing it had been long enough that lingering on it wasn’t going to do anyone any good. Lifting a hand, he knocked his knuckles against Bradshaw’s chest before jerking his chin toward the ride and making a questioning noise, not actually asking in case Bradshaw didn’t want to answer.
Sighing, Bradsaw turned so he was leaning against the railing, shoulder pressed against Jake’s. “When I punched out, my plane got blown up right next to me, so things got a little topsy turvy because of the explosion before I managed to get shit under control and the parachute deployed. The ride just reminded me of that, spinning around and around.”
“Shit,” Jake said, turning to look at Bradley, sunglasses hooked into the collar of his shirt and face tilted back, letting the sun beat down on him. “So I guess we ain’t gonna do another go on that one?”
The corner of Bradley’s mouth lifted. “No. No. Maybe in another year, we’ll see. But it hasn’t been that long, so maybe giving it a break would help.”
“Feels like it’s been a lifetime,” Jake muttered.
“That too. Yesterday and a lifetime, time’s a funny thing,” Bradley said before letting out a sigh before bumping his shoulder against Jake’s again. “Thanks. For talking. Let me focus on something else. And sorry about your shitty exes.”
“Wouldn’t call Carl an ex,” Jake replied as he shoved away from the railing. “Come on. I see a carousel that’s callin’ my name.”
“Yeah. You know this one has rings you can grab and toss as you go around,” Bradley said, joining Jake. “Bet I could get more in than you.”
“Bets on,” Jake said immediately as they headed toward the ride.
Bradley walked with him, silent for a moment before he leaned in close as if there were people around them to overhear, but it was still mostly empty. “Carl, though?”
Jake snorted. “You’re one to talk, Bradley Bradshaw.”
“Bradley was my Mom’s maiden name,” Bradley replied instantly.
Jake turned, eyebrows up as they joined the line. “No, shit?”
Bradley nodded. “Yep. Carole Bradley. Mom used to say it was how she knew she’d met the one. Since they both had Brad in their last names.”
“But you don’t go by Brad?”
“Fuck no. Not a fan,” Bradley replied, tilting his head to the side. “Mav will call me Brad sometimes. The only one I’ll answer to even though it’s been a while.”
“Peter for a middle name?” Jake guessed. That made Bradley chuckle for some reason, and Jake had sudden premotion before he sighed. “It’s Mitchell, isn’t it?”
“Yep,” Bradley said, shaking his head. “Bradley Mitchell Bradshaw.”
“Fucks sake,” Jake said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I ain’t ever met your parents, clearly, but if that’s the kinda humor they put on a kid then them being friends with Mav makes so much more sense.”
“Yeah, they were three peas in a pod,” Bradley said fondly. “The stories of the shit they got up to are insane.”
“I bet,” Jake said.
“What about you? Middle name?”
“None,” Jake said, shrugging. “Seresin was my Dad’s name, and Jacob was the name they both agreed on. Nothing more than that.”
He could see a look on Bradley’s face he had seen a dozen times, and he waited for Bradley to say something, make some joke or some comment about how much it sucked, but instead, the man just reach out and knocked his knuckles against Jake’s arm before jerking his chin toward the carousel which was stopping and began to explain how the rings worked.
Jake watched as more mustard smeared itself across Bradshaw’s cheeks as he took another bite of his second corndog. He picked up another fry from the slowly dwindling pile and dragged it through ketchup as he watched Bradshaw eat and scroll on his phone, his chewing stopping as he frowned, leaned in closer to peer at his screen before he swallowed and set the phone down. Jake snorted.
“Well?” he asked, popping the fry into his mouth and chewing. “What do you think?”
“Of the corn dog?” Bradshaw asked, looking down and then back up again.
“Of Carl.”
Even wearing sunglasses, Jake could make out Bradshaw’s eyes going wide. “What do you mean?”
Jake snorted and grabbed his beer before finishing it in a long swallow. “Dude. If I were you, I’d also google. I’m not mad. It was the first thing Beth did.”
“Um,” Bradshaw said, looking down before he sighed and grabbed a napkin, wiping his face off. “Kinda both what I expected and not? I expected more face tattoos or something. But he just looks kinda normal? Like I wouldn’t even notice him if I passed him.”
“Kind of a perk for a robber,” Jake mused before he shrugged. “I don’t know. It wasn’t his face I was interested in.”
“Not that interesting to look at at all,” Bradshaw said before taking another bite of his corn dog and talking again. “Sorry for looking him up.”
“No apologies needed,” Jake replied before he sighed. “I would, however, appreciate it if you, uh, kept it quiet? It’s not something I’m proud of, and I don’t want it getting around.”
“Yeah, yeah. No, I won’t,” Bradley said almost immediately, nodding quickly. “I uh. We’re…friends, and I wouldn’t do that to a friend.”
The word came out a little choppier than Jake figured Bradley had wanted it to, but he understood. What they had was something new for them, and it was slow going as they figured out how things were going to work between them. But Jake was finding that he was enjoying the time spent around Bradley more and more and that talking to him was getting easier. Jake didn’t know what to say at all, so he settled for nodding and hoping that Bradley understood.
It seemed that he did as Bradley took another bite of the corndog before nodding at the fries. “You almost done?”
“Just waitin’ on you, darlin’. Since you’re in charge of the day,” Jake said, nodding toward his finished meal.
Bradley rolled his eyes, and shoved the rest of the corndog into his mouth and stood as he chewed, beginning to grab the trash. Jake laughed but stood. “Didn’t say we were in a hurry,” he said, following Bradshaw to the trash before they headed back to where they had parked. “You could’ve finished like a normal person.”
Bradley tried to say something, words muffled.
“Wanna try that again?”
Bradley chewed for a few more moments before he swallowed enough he could talk. “The last place does close earlier, so I wanna make sure we have time for everything,” he explained as he tugged his keys out of his pocket.
“Well then, lead on.”
“Where the fuck are you taking me?”
Bradley glanced to the side to see Jake leaning forward, peering up through the trees as if they were about to reach down and grab them. He grinned, focusing back on the road as he took another corner, remembering the directions from this drive a dozen times over the years. His Mom and he had loved coming out here, having fun, and trying to get their eyes to work right. Even toward the end, when it had been harder, she still loved going.
“My murder hole,” he replied instead, glancing at Jake again who leaned back with a huff.
“Gonna stuff me then?” Jake asked, his voice going slower and deeper and Bradley’s brain blanked for a second as he worked through that.
“Um,” he said, glancing over at Jake and seeing the shit-eating grin and he reached over, punching him as best as he could while driving.
Jake laughed again. “We almost there?”
It was the first time Jake had asked him that, but Bradley figured it deserved the proper response. “If you keep asking me that, I’m gonna turn this car right back around.”
“Honestly, I’d ask again just to make you do it in this truck,” Jake said, referring to the small two-lane road they were on.
“Fair,” Bradley replied, nodding toward the entrance as he turned in. “We’re here.”
“The Mystery Spot,” Jake read from the bright yellow sign as they drove past. “Why is it a mystery?”
“That’s what we’re here to find out,” Bradley replied, pulling into a park, grateful it didn’t seem too busy. He parked and got out, waiting for Jake before heading over to grab tickets, reading the sign as he got closer. “Oh shit, hey. Do you have your ID?”
“Which one?” Jake asked, stopping next to Bradley and pulling out his wallet, holding out two.
“Military,” Bradley said, plucking the right one out of his hand and glancing at the photo, grinning when he spotted the same shitty ass photo from basic that was still on his. And like Bradley, Jake had the same buzzed hair and rounded cheeks that hadn’t had a chance to lean out. “Adorable,” he said.
“Fuck you,” Jake replied, the comment harmless where it would’ve started something a few weeks ago. “I need to get it retaken but fuck, I don’t have the time.”
“Amen to that,” Bradley replied, thinking of the pile of paperwork he’d have to deal with when he got back, assuming he went back and wasn’t shipped off to someplace new.
Grabbing the tickets, he handed Jake his and his ID back. “Free entry,” he explained in response to the questioning look. “Our tour starts in thirty minutes. We can grab a drink if you wanna?”
Jake looked around as they wandered, hands in his pocket. He took everything in before he frowned, then grinned, and pointed at a door. “Gift shop,” he said, taking a step.
Bradley dropped his arm around Jake’s shoulder and steered him away. “I know you love your gift shops but after. I don’t wanna ruin the surprise. It’s gotta be experienced. Especially since you’ve never heard of it before.”
“You gonna tell me anything?” Jake asked, and to Bradley’s surprise, he wasn’t trying to get away from where Bradley’s arm was still draped around his shoulder.
“Nah,” Bradley said, looking at the entrance. “My Mom and I loved it here, though. We could come whenever we were in the area. It was just fun, even if you’ve been a couple of times.”
“Well, far be it from me to contradict Mrs. Bradshaw’s opinion,” Jake said, carefully.
“Carole,” Bradley replied instantly, remembering what his Mom had told all his friends. “She hated being called Mrs. Bradshaw. It felt so formal to her, and she used to say that forced formality was the death of friendship. So, if you had ever gotten the chance to meet her, you would’ve been told to call her Carole.”
“And she married someone in the military?” Jake asked, questioning now but still, that same careful tone people always got when they asked about his dead parents.
“You know, I always wanted to know that, but I never asked,” Bradley said, thinking of his Mom. “She was so bright, you know. So full of life. She was always willing to talk and make friends. To spend time helping people out as much as she could. Dad was military when they met, but she always told it like they had fallen in love at first sight and that him being military was just a part of him that she could forgive, you know? I wanted to know more but never knew how to ask.”
“Sounds like she was nice,” Jake said softly, sounding a little sadder than Bradley had expected before he remembered that Jake didn't have someone like Carole Bradshaw. He had someone who Carole Bradshaw would've read the riot act to.
Bradley tugged Jake in before he thought about it, hugging him quickly before letting his arm drop, but Jake didn’t move away; he just looked at Bradley, a little surprised but also grateful.
“She was not perfect by any means. She definitely fucked up, but she loved me, and at the end of the day, that’s what I gotta remember,” Bradley said, thinking of what Mav had told him, haltingly and carefully, never wanting to besmirch Carole’s name.
“One of those memories you don’t wanna get rid of?” Jake asked, hands back in his pockets, his expression hidden behind sunglasses and a ball cap, but Bradley thought he looked almost wistful, which was not an expression he had ever expected to see on Hangman’s face, but considering the topic at hand he could understand where it came from.
“Never,” Bradley agreed just as the tour guide started calling for their tour. “Come on. We’re up.”
“Oh shit, it’s a gravity hill,” Jake said when they got to the top of the stairs and saw the tilted house, the angles of the house and the trees around it always made Bradley’s brain hurt as he tried to find a way to look at it and have it make sense.
“A what now?” Bradley asked, looking away from the house and back to Jake, who was grinning now as he looked around.
“Gravity hill,” Jake repeated, waving a hand toward the house as the rest of the group moved forward. “Basically, it's an area where a lack of a horizon kinda fucks with the brain, so things don’t always work like we expect them to work because our brain is trying to make sense of them.”
Bradley couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as Jake explained, both hands moving through the air. He could see one or two people also listening, watching Jake with interest that increased and resulted in a double take and interest crossed their faces. Bradley dropped an arm back around Jake’s shoulders and shook him slightly.
“You’re such a fucking nerd,” he said in a low voice with a laugh, shaking the man as he moved them toward the rest of the group. “I can’t believe you actually know what causes this.”
“I read a book about it,” Jake said, shrugging but not pulling away from the arm around his shoulders.
“Of course you did,” Bradley said, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice as they made it to the rest of the group, the tour guide waving for them all to get closer. “In your book club?”
“Oh, hell no. Beth doesn’t read anything involving science when she’s on leave. Says she gets enough of it every day when we’re up in the air,” Jake said, shaking his head as if he didn’t understand it.
Bradley understood as he tried to think about reading a non-fiction book after he had just spent all day flying, his brain constantly working overtime to keep ahead of everything that was thrown at him until it all became second nature. There were days when he was physically and mentally exhausted and would pass out as soon as he hit the bed, even though he’d never have it any other way.
“But not you,” he said, dropping his arm from Jake’s shoulders.
“Darlin’, I am too good to be true and I ain’t like all the rest,” Jake said, pulling his sunglasses down so he could give Bradley a big cheesy wink.
“You’re something all right,” Bradley said, elbowing Jake in the side before nodding. “Now, let's pay attention and not ruin the surprise for anyone else.
“You remind me of my fifth-grade teacher, Mr. Stevens,” Jake said, voice now lower as the tour guide started talking.
“Oh? Why’s that?” Bradley asked, tilting his head in, much more interested in what Jake had to say than a speech he had heard before.
“The asshole had the balls to ask me a question about the planets and then got annoyed when I knew all of them and when I told him he was wrong about the sun burning,” Jake explained. “It’s not burning because in order to burn, you need oxygen. The fire triangle right? And space don’t got no oxygen, so it can’t burn.”
“You are fucking pedantic,” Bradley said, amused at the image of a young Jake correcting his teacher.
“I was right!” Jake hissed, looking ready to defend himself.
“It was fifth grade!”
“Doesn’t mean we have to be told things that are wrong. The fire triangle is basic. Oxygen, fuel, and heat. If you don’t have one of those, you don’t get fire. It’s basic.”
“Pedantic,” Bradley repeated, reaching up and tapping the side of Jake’s sunglasses. “We should pop out the lenses in these and replace them with something clear so you can reach your full potential.”
“Fuck you,” Jake said, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head and turned, arms crossed, as he clearly focused his attention on the tour guide who was giving a demonstration with a ball that kept rolling uphill.
Bradley shifted closer, hooking his chin over Jake’s shoulder, pressed up against his back, and for a moment, Bradley forgot what he had wanted to do at how warm Jake was, how nice he smelled even though he was sure he hadn’t seen the man put on cologne that morning. Just deodorant, half-lit in the bathroom with the steam from the shower lingering around him. Bradley had looked away quickly before Jake had caught him staring, even as he fought to keep looking.
Forcing his mind away from that morning and all the little bits about Jake running through his head, he settled into wait, knowing it’d take a moment before Jake would acknowledge him. To his surprise, he only had to wait a second before he felt Jake’s shoulders heave under his chin and the man turned his head, making a soft, questioning noise.
“Nerd,” he hissed before stepping back quickly, biting back a smile as Jake hit him on the side. “Shh, dude. I’m trying to pay attention.”
That time, he wasn’t as quiet, and he could see a few people shoot Jake a reproachful look. Jake crossed his arms, and even though he couldn’t see Jake’s eyes, he could feel the glare anyway, and it made it just that much harder to keep a smile from crossing his face as he focused as best as he could on the tour guide.
Anger seemed to melt off Jake as soon as they were inside the house, chuckling under his breath as they watched people stumble through the house, one man in particular falling over. Bradley kept quiet, remembering his first time there, so confident that he would be able to walk across the room because he was going to be a pilot he couldn’t fall over. Only to fall over and only managed not to hurt himself by grabbing the railing. Even Mav stumbled a little bit when he walked in the first time, although he had gotten himself righted a lot easier.
“After you,” Bradley said, waving a hand for Jake to go first, waiting for the man to turn and start walking into the house before pulling out his phone and taking a video, grinning as he caught sight of Jake’s arms going out to the side for balance as he stumbled almost as soon as he was inside.
“What the fuck,” he heard Jake mutter, and Bradley chuckled, putting the phone away once Jake had righted himself.
He walked to the door, peering inside, watching as people slowly adjusted and began to explore, arms often being thrown out to brace themselves on walls, murmurs of shock and awe following. Bradley’s eyes found Jake’s, trying to look nonchalant as he looked back at Bradley, one hand on the railing, sunglasses hooked into the collar of his shirt, and a challenging look on his face. Bradley snorted, taking a second to orient himself before he stepped inside and walked over to Jake slowly.
Even though he had done this before, his brain wanted to rebel, to lean one way while his body was trying to lean the other, left and right losing some sense of meaning. He shook his head as he focused on stepping, making it to Jake without falling over.
“Easy,” he said, smirking at Jake, who rolled his eyes and turned carefully to cross his arms and watch everyone else moving around.
Bradley joined him, tilting his head to the side as he watched the people on the table leaning forward further than anyone would be able to outside, sounds of amazement, disbelief, and shock coloring their voices as photos and videos were made. Bradley chuckled as he watched one couple recreate the Titanic moment, the woman’s face barely visible over her girlfriend's shoulder, but he could hear both of them laughing.
“My Mom and Mav did that,” Bradley said, jerking his head toward the couple, the memory from one of the trips out there.
Jake looked at him before snorting. “Who was Jack and who was Rose?”
“Depended,” Bradley admitted. “Mav’s favorite was always climbing the wall in the next room.”
Jake hummed and walked over when the couple got down and climbed up, tilting his head to the side as he leaned forward over the edge of the table, and then kept leaning forward, his arms wide out to the side as he kept his balance. Bradley had his phone out a second later and took a photo when Jake started grinning, leaning further and further forward until he suddenly lost balance and had to jump, landing on the floor with an oompf, stumbling for a second before he caught himself.
“Ten out of ten on the dismount,” Bradley said, even as one of the women from before began to slow clap, only to stop when her girlfriend hissed at her, but Jake just laughed and shook his head.
“Gravity always wins, darlin’,” Jake said wandering over and waving for Bradley’s phone.
“Where’s yours?” Bradley asked even as he handed it over.
“In the car,” Jake replied, shrugging.
Snorting, Bradley walked over and climbed up, spreading his arms wide and leaning forward, looking down at the floor as he leaned more than he should’ve been able to, grinning at Jake, who took a couple of photos before he jumped down, only to stumble when he landed and crash forward, running into Jake who had stepped forward to grab his arm, his momentum sending the two of them back until Jake hit the railing with an oomph, Bradley pressed tightly against him.
It was still for a moment as they stared at each other before they burst out laughing. Bradley took a step back to get some distance, shaking his head and hearing a few other people trying to hide their laughter. He rubbed a hand over his face as he finally settled and met Jake’s eyes, only to snort and start to chuckle again.
“Light on your feet there, Rooster,” Jake teased.
“Blow me,” Bradley replied, shoving carefully at Jake’s arm as he walked past Jake to head into the other room, trying to erase the memory of Jake’s body against his own.
“You good?” Jake asked instead of saying something back, a note of actual worry in his voice.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, shooting a grin over his shoulder. “Your fat ass saved me.”
Instead of getting offended, Jake just laughed and shoved at his shoulder again. “Hell yeah, my ass is fat; glad you noticed.”
For a split second, Bradley felt like trying to deny it, already feeling the heat prickle over his skin, but he ignored it and instead winked at Jake, blowing a kiss at him. “Hard to miss, baby.”
“Damn straight.”
Bradley was sitting at a table outside, waiting for Jake to be done in the gift shop, sure he had another twenty minutes or so since he had left the man in the book section, one book already in his hand and his nose buried in a second one. Bradley had taken a second to take a photo of Jake, face half hidden behind some book, surrounded by the rest of the books, one of the lights right overhead, sending the rest of his face into shadow.
He was staring at it now, at how the light made Jake’s edges fuzz and the lower quality because it was his phone and not his camera, but he wouldn’t have the photo any other way because it felt real, a moment that he wasn’t sure Jake was aware of but it felt like it was suddenly seared into his brain because Jake looked soft, he looked human. He looked so far from Hangman with his few days beard and messy hair that Bradley had a little trouble reconciling the man he had spent a few days with and the asshole who had gotten into his face.
And Bradley was finding that he liked this Jake more and more, and never wanted the road trip to end because he didn’t want to run into Hangman again.
His phone rang, a photo of Nat at a New Year party appearing on his screen, in uniform but with the familiar red cheeks she got when she was a shot past sober, her arms around his as they both hammed it up for the selfie. It still made him chuckle as he answered.
“Hey, Natbat.”
“Don’t call me that,” she said automatically. “So, fucking get this. My Mom decided she wanted to do a little trip before we left right? And Bob was invited, and so we’re on this trip, and we get there, and she’s dealt with everything—“
“Trip where?” Bradley interrupted.
“—Martha’s Vineyard, but that’s irrelevant,” Nat said, ignoring Bradley’s muttered ‘bougie’ as she continued, “because, guess what this woman does? She books two rooms, fine, whatever I can share with her. But then both of them only have a king bed, and she hands me and Bob a fucking keycard and then disappears into her room, leaving me there holding the bag and realizing she did this on purpose.”
“Of course she did; she’s your Mom,” Bradley said, grabbing the coffee he had ordered and taking a sip, content to listen as Mrs. Trace got in everyone's business, just as Nat had a tendency to do. “So what are you gonna do?”
“I don’t fucking know! Bob is in the shower because we have dinner plans in a little bit, and like, shit, not the first time I’ve crashed on a bed with him, but this room? Bradshaw, I swear to fucking god this is the same room they use for the honeymoon suite because it overlooks the bay and little twinkling fucking lights and shit.”
“So, make the most of it and bang Bob,” Bradley said, knowing that being blunt was always the best option when it came to Nat. She hated being pandered to. “Dude looks like he knows what he's doing, and you sound stressed.”
“I’m not going to fuck him!” Nat hissed, her voice so low Bradley almost missed it except he had expected her to say that.
“Why not?”
“Do you know what’s happening when we get back to base? Because I still haven’t gotten orders which means he’s still my wizzo and that means it’s fucking fraternization.”
“Don’t think you gotta had fucking in front of fraternization, it’s kinda implied,” Bradley said, grinning when Nat groaned.
“You are an asshole,” Nat said, voice muffled now like she had a pillow over her head.
“It’s why we’re friends,” he countered.
“Also, you’re not one to talk since you actually got in trouble for fucking fraternization,” Nat hissed.
Bradley rolled his eyes, but he didn’t deny it. The one-off between him and Piper had been fueled by exhaustion and adrenaline during flight school, and no one would’ve been the wiser if they hadn’t been fucking idiots and fucked in a storage closet like two idiots in a book, and one of their instructors had found them because they hadn’t been quiet.
“How’s Bob doing with all of it?” Bradley asked instead of replying, taking another sip of the coffee.
“Not good, I don’t think. He’s doing the blank-faced thing he does when he feels awkward and doesn’t know what to do, but he’s also not running for the hills, so that’s a good thing.”
“I get the feeling he’s not the sort of person who runs for the hills,” Bradley said, thinking of Bob and his spine of steel, even though most people didn’t realize he had one. He remembered Bob’s voice when Mav had been shot down and closed his eyes, shaking his head to try and erase the memory, not wanting to dig up more bad memories when he had already had one almost panic attack earlier in the day.
Nat hummed, agreement or uncertainty; it was sometimes hard to tell with her. She sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”
“How many times have we shared a bed? It’s fine. Don’t make it weird and it won’t be weird,” Bradley said, grabbing the coffee and downing most of it in one long swallow.
“That’s different!”
“Why?”
The silence lingered, and Bradley was content to wait, chuckling when Nat finally huffed and let out a noise of disgust. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t,” Bradley said, looking up and out into the redwoods, searching for something to change the topic before Nat hunkered down. You could only nudge her so far before she turned mean, and while Bradley had no issue weathering it, he didn’t want Bob to be stuck with an even more grumpy Nat.
“Hey, baby. Is that the hooker you found for us tonight?”
Bradley flinched when he felt the chin on his shoulder, and it took a second for his brain to realize it was Jake and another second to move away from how the man was pressed up against his back, chin on his shoulder, into a realization that Jake’s voice had been low, the sort of low that belonged in some sort of romance movie in a bedroom, and then his brain finally finished catching up to what Jake had said just as Nat let out an outraged noise.
“Bradshaw! What the fuck?” she demanded over the phone, her voice as angry as Bradley had ever heard it
He felt Jake pull back and walk around, sitting down at the table across from him with a self-satisfied smile, setting three books on the table.
“It’s not like that,” Bradley said, glaring at Jake, who just smiled wider at him, one hand propping his chin up. “It’s this asshole. He thinks he’s funny. You know I’d never.”
“Does this asshole have a name?” Nat demanded.
That way lay a long, long, conversation Bradley was still trying to put off because he frankly didn’t want to deal with the questions. “His name’s recently been changed to asshole.”
“Bradshaw.”
There was a note of warning in Nat’s voice, and Bradley sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll tell you later, promise. Okay?”
“So, you keep saying you better have a fucking good explanation,” Nat said before she huffed and hung up.
Bradley pulled the phone away from his head, rubbing at his temples. He knew this little road trip would get out eventually, and he would have to tell Nat about it. But he still wasn’t sure he even knew how to explain how this had happened and how this whole thing was progressing. It was hard to explain, and Bradley was the one living it.
Shelving that problem for later, he dropped his hand to see Jake reading one of the books, content to sit and wait. “Asshole,” Bradley said for good measure.
“And?” Jake asked, not looking up, still smiling. “It’s Phoenix; she’ll be over it as soon as you tell her it was me.”
That…probably wasn’t a lie, but Bradley just grunted, staying silent until Jake looked up, an eyebrow raised.
“You really mad?” Jake asked, curious as he tilted his head to the side.
Normally, Bradley would’ve snapped a yes and left it at that, but he stopped himself, letting himself think about it before he let out a long sigh.
“No,” he admitted, rubbing a hand over his face. Because he wasn’t mad, it was the sort of joke that he would’ve played on one of his friends, laughing at the outraged expression that would turn into amusement before they would both be laughing.
“You’re right. She’ll get over it as soon as I tell her it was you, but that’s not gonna be for a bit,” Bradley said, waiting until Jake inclined his head, conceding the point before he continued, “which means I’m gonna have to deal with it until then.”
“You can tell her,” Jake said, dog-earing the page in his book and closing it to give Bradley his full attention.
“I can,” Bradley agreed, leaving it at that, meeting Jake’s gaze as the moment stretched until Bradley stood, breaking it to grab his coffee and throw it away before heading to the car, calling over his shoulder. “Come on, there’s one more thing we gotta hit today.”
The wind was whipping Bradley in the face as he leaned against the railing overlooking the beach, but he ignored it as he kept snapping photos of the seals stretched out across the California coast, some of them sunbathing, others fighting and some slowly making their way back toward the ocean. He could feel Jake’s shoulder against his own, standing close to try and get rid of the chill from the ocean breeze, but Bradley could still feel it begin to settle into his bones. The sun was warm, but any heat was whipped away.
“You don’t wanna tell people, do you?”
Bradley dropped the camera and turned, looking at Jake staring out across the beach, sunglasses and baseball cap obscuring most of his features, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Bradley could make out goosebumps over his arms, and he almost offered his over-shirt before Jake’s words caught up.
“What?” he asked, words half lost in the wind.
“Tell people,” Jake said, turning and looking at Bradley, his mouth was pressed in a tight line which was a far cry from the grin that had been on his face when the mile and a half walk had led them to the beach, seals dotting the sand like rocks washed up from shore. It wasn’t as many as Bradley had seen the one time he and his Mom had managed to get here during the breeding season, but there was still a lot.
Bradley could play stupid, but that felt wrong to do, and he settled for sighing and nodding. “No, not really.”
“Ashamed of little old me?” Jake asked, smile now wicked-sharp, the kind of smile Bradley had seen more than once right before words were stabbed into him.
“No,” Bradley said, admitting the truth of it, as surprising as it was. “Just couldn’t even begin to tell people what the fuck is happening right now.”
“A road trip,” Jake said, but his words, unlike a second ago, were a little warier, the sharpness gone.
“Yeah, it might be a road trip, but…,” he trailed off, the words failing him as he tried to find the right ones.
Whatever was happening between them was different because Bradley had never been friends with someone who he might have hated once upon a time. It felt like something out of a storybook, and it was the sort of far-fetched idea that, at the start of the training, might have actually managed to pull him out of his Mav induced funk and caused him to laugh at the absurdity of it.
But Bradley enjoyed spending time with Jake and showing him these little moments that, for so long, had been the bits he had kept quiet between him and the ghost of his Mom felt right. Maybe it was because Jake never pushed for more, never expected anything other than what Bradley told him, which was so different than their relationship previously, where Jake would nag and push to get him to move, that the lack of any of that made Bradley feel like it was some sort of special treatment reserved for the few people who were close to Jake.
And being close to Jake was somewhat of a terrifying thought.
Trying to explain any of that to Jake felt daunting, but he was still looking at Bradley, waiting for an answer and Bradley wanted to give him one.
“Look. We didn’t get along for a long fucking time, and right now we are. Against all odds, you’re a friend, and adding into the mix everyone else and their strong opinions feels a little bit like it’s asking for trouble while this is still being figured out.”
He said it in a rush, and when he had gotten it out, he felt like a weight had lifted off his chest, and he sighed, leaning forward and bracing his arms on the railing, looking back out across the ocean. It was still early, and Bradley had no clue what to do with the rest of the day, but he wasn’t worried about that. He was worried about whatever Jake was thinking, wondering if he was reading into something that was nothing more than a casual acquaintance born out of desperation and close proximity to Jake.
“I get it,” Jake said after a moment, leaning over the railing, arms still crossed and body hunched over, hiding from the wind or the conversation; Bradley didn’t know. “I love Javy and Beth, I do. They’re my best friends, they’re family, but they would be so nosy, wanting to figure out everything that was going on and what it all meant. Constantly asking for updates, offering opinions, and what I should do since it’s you and we never had the best relationship, but right now, I don’t want any of that.”
There was a lot left unsaid, Bradley could tell, but he kept his mouth shut, not wanting to open that can of worms because he wasn’t sure he was ready for them to talk about their history together.
“This is working as it is,” Jake said, turning his head, the light catching his glasses and making it impossible to see even a hint of what his face was doing but Bradley nodded anyway.
“It is, against all fucking odds,” he said, snorting, glad when Jake chuckled as well, the slight curve to his smile addicting in a way Bradley didn’t understand.
“Don’t think, do?”
“Fuck,” Bradley said, dropping his head forward with a groan. “God, the last thing I need is Mav hearing that and getting smug that his little fucking saying is getting all this traction.”
“Would he be that bad?” Jake asked, sounding curious.
“He wouldn’t say it outright, but he gets this smug little look on his face,” Bradley said, the rest of his sentence stuttering out as he remembered crashing into the forest and seeing the look of devastation on Mav’s face when Bradley had thrown it back in his face. He shook his head to clear the memories, still feeling raw, and it felt like everything that today was reminding him of that day. “So yeah, elephant seals. We’d always come out here whenever we were this way. I don’t really have anything else around here. Honestly, we never had a restaurant we had to go to or anything, you know? It was always just the Boardwalk, The Mystery Spot, and then the seals of Año Nuevo.”
“Okay,” Jake said, taking to the change of topic easily.
They stood in silence for a moment before Bradley could feel Jake start to shake next to him, and when he glanced over, he could see his lips pressed tight, no doubt to stop from shivering, and he stood up, stretching his arms overhead for a moment, taking one last look at the long stretch of sand and Elephant Seals doing what they did before he started walking back, Jake falling into step next to him.
He felt Jake’s shoulder bump against his, and Bradley bumped his back, taking the motion for the silent thanks it was.
“How do you feel about Taco Bell?” Jake asked when they were most of the way back to the car.
“Indifferent, why?”
“There’s some sort of Taco Bell up in Pacifica, I think, that has alcohol, and it’s some sort of classy Taco Bell? It’s about an hour away,” Jake explained.
Bradley thought about it. “I’m in, just so I can see what the fuck as classy Taco Bell is.”
Chapter Text
There was an ache deep in his hamstring that Jake was trying to get out, sinking deeper into downward dog with a groan, feeling his t-shirt begin to ride up as he walked his feet, wanting to loosen it up before they did whatever they were going to do that day. He knew it was from running yesterday, pushing his body too hard but he had slept like the dead, waking up when his body said the sun was rising, even though the sunlight had yet to make its way through the pervasive fog outside.
A thud was all the announcement that Jake got that Bradley was awake but it made him smile nevertheless, always amused at how the man would thunder around first thing in the morning, so wholly unaware of everything around him that all he did was clomp until he finished waking up and walked normally. He listened as Bradshaw headed to the bathroom, aware enough to shuffle past Jake carefully since the room they were staying in was small enough it made the Navy assignments feel palatial in comparison. But, it was deep in the city, and Jake had been promised a view of the Golden Gate Bridge.
One he was still waiting to see if the fog ever left, something he was beginning to doubt as the ache finally faded and he moved into a deep lunge, hands up high as he leaned back, feeling his back crack and he let out a soft groan, eyes back on the floor to ceiling window that held nothing but gray.
The toilet flushed and Bradshaw thudded back, before, to Jake’s surprise, dropping down to sit in front of him, legs crossed.
“Morning,” Jake said, twisting into warrior, stretching an arm overhead and then bending, letting out a happy noise as his side stretched, the ache feeling good as he went through the familiar motions.
“Is it?” Bradley asked, voice still sleep-rough. “Looks like a horror movie outside.”
Jake snorted. “Aliens or ghosts?”
“Aliens personally, might be able to do something about that,” Bradley said, reminding Jake of the conversation when they had started all of this about ghosts and how Bradley believed. He wondered if Bradley thought of all the ghosts in his life because of the people he had lost, and then Jake thought of his own. At least Jake’s were still living and couldn’t bother him from the afterlife.
Jake twisted, moving into a high plank and lifting his head, looking at Bradley who was sitting cross-legged, in a pair of boxers and a shirt with the collar and sleeves ripped off, miles of skin on display and Jake dropped his head again, pushing back into downward dog to repeat the flow again to try and stop his mind from wandering down a dangerous path.
“Alcatraz,” Bradley said after a few moments, sounding more awake.
“What about it?” Jake asked, moving into another high lunge, suddenly feeling on display when it brought him closer to Bradley.
He ignored the sensation of being watched as he lifted his arms and leaned back, arching his back further and letting out a grunt as something pulled, relaxing, not in the mood to push it more than needed.
“I wanna go visit. I’ve never been but I’ve always wanted to go,” Bradley continued.
“I’m down,” Jake said, thinking of what little he knew of the place. He knew it was a prison, famous for its history and it was in San Francisco. It sounded like the sort of place he would love. “We far from it?”
There was another beat of silence that had Jake lifting his head as he shifted into warrior, seeing a frown on Bradshaw’s face. “What?”
“It’s on an island, we can only get there by boat,” Bradley said, lifting his head to meet Jake’s gaze.
Jake lost his balance, sitting down with a thump as he thought about being on a small boat, the ocean all around him and he doubted it was a carrier where he could stay in the middle and pretend he wasn’t in the middle of the ocean with nothing but more ocean for thousands of miles around him. Getting his air-to-air kill had, in some dark way, been the best thing that could’ve happened to him because now he could request a land posting more often and receive it more than others would. It was the one thing he took advantage of from that moment in his life. The rest of the time he didn’t like thinking about it too much.
He became aware Bradley was still talking.
“…don’t have to do things together. You could find something to do and we could meet back up at like 4? Or something for dinner or something else we wanted to do after.”
The ease at which Bradshaw was offering him an out made Jake smile for a moment before he sighed, loud enough that Bradley shut up and looked at him.
“How long's the ride?”
“Fifteen minutes. It’s a ferry, so it’s not small, but it’s not a carrier,” Bradley said, elbows resting on his knees and looking at Jake intently. “There’s an inside area so we might be able to get you somewhere where you can’t see the ocean, but if you don’t wanna go, man, it’s fine. We can figure something else out to do.”
We. The way Bradley was offering the out even though it was something he wanted to go see. Jake thought of the Queen Mary, and how terrified he had been but he had stuck it out as best as he could and it made Jake swallow.
“We can go,” Jake said, shrugging a shoulder and throwing Bradley a smile that felt wobbly. “I don’t know how I’ll do. But I gotta find out sometime, right?”
Bradley frowned. “If you’re sure?”
Jake nodded and pushed himself back up. “I am. Now come on, you’re gonna get fatter if you don’t do something.”
Maybe Jake looked worse than he thought when all Bradley did was sigh and stand up, beginning to copy Jake just as the first rays of sunlight began to break through the clouds and light up the room.
There had been more than one CO over the years that had told Jake that his tendency towards letting his ego do the talking would get him in trouble one day. Jake had never understood because he knew what he was capable of, and finding himself lacking, or inadequate, on the job was something that was rare enough it still stung when it happened. Flying spare for the mission had hurt because he knew he could’ve done it just as well, or better, but trying to explain that to anyone else wouldn’t work out in the long run because they would see it as a sign of his ego and not the legitimate statement it was.
Jake was good. He was the best. He knew it, and he knew others knew it as well, even if they didn’t want to admit it.
All of this was running through his mind as the boat hit another wave and he bent over further, tucking his face into his knees and taking a couple of slow deep breaths as he kept his eyes on the floor and away from the ocean outside. He could feel the beginnings of panic creeping up the back of his throat and he ground his forehead against his knee to try and distract himself. The panic wasn’t as bad as the first time he had gone out on Javy’s Uncle’s fishing boat and they had barely gotten ten yards from the shore before they had to turn around, dumping Jake on the shore with an inelegance that wasn’t spoken about purely because of the fear everyone had had with the way he responded.
But it was still there, lingering, and as they bumped over another wave he inhaled sharply, doing box breathing to try and do something to offset the panic and the irritation that coupled with it over the baseless fear he hated so much.
A hand on his shoulder made him flinch before he settled as he felt Bradley press even closer, the arm settling around his shoulders and he turned into it, uncaring of the display they made because he knew Bradley, they were friends these days and focusing on that was better than anything else.
“We’re halfway,” Bradley said, closer than Jake had expected him to be, even with the arm around his back. “So I’m guessing this size boat isn’t good?”
Jake let out a harsh chuckle. “No, no not really.” The boat bounced again and he could hear shouts of delight and conversation all around him, blurring and it made it harder to think. “Can you…talk?” he asked, remembering just the day before when Bradley had asked him, and he hoped Bradley understood what he meant.
“Right,” Bradley said before Jake felt air wash over his face. “So, get this. When I was growing up, Mav had this fuckin’ car right? It would always sit in front of his house when he was stateside and my Mom would drive it whenever he was gone. It was this beautiful old turquoise Mustang that purred whenever it was running. The engine on that thing was so good I still dream about it. My Mom and I would spend days just driving around San Diego on the weekends whenever Mav was gone and getting dinner or ice-cream or something.”
Jake had never seen a picture of Bradley’s Mom, so the picture Bradley was painting was hazy, but Jake could imagine the joy, remembering the first time he had been invited out for a late evening drive, cruising downtown Atlanta way later than they should’ve.
“So, anyway. I get older and older and I realize I’ve never actually seen Mav drive this thing because he would always show up on his bike whenever he was in town or visiting. Just roll up on one of the multiple ones he has. Indian, Harley’s, Triumphs, Yamaha’s. Whatever he was feeling that day. You should see his collection, it’s insane. But anyway, he would roll up and then I’d forget about it because they would go for a casual ride because my Mom also had a bike because she said it had better mileage and one of them would let me ride on the back. Sometimes at a traffic light, I would hop off one and get on the other and people used to judge us so hard for it.
That made Jake smile for the first time since stepping on the boat, picturing a young Bradley hopping between bikes and the looks he would get as a result. It was cute to imagine a young Bradley, fresh-faced and happy, with a too big helmet on and a leather jacket with all the flight patches Mav had collected over the years.
“So, flash forward and my Mom’s getting sick and I could drive since she had taught me how to drive but automatic only and the Mustang was manual and she couldn’t drive the bike anymore. So Mav comes over, as he does, and he’s in town but the Mustang is still in our front yard and the automatic I had, a fucking Honda Civic by the way, nothing cool or anything like that you know? No, a fucking beige Honda Civic since it had a good safety rating at the time, and that was what my Mom was worried about especially if I was gonna be driving alone. But anyway, so, Mav gets there and the Honda is in the shop for a little bit of a service and I know Mom was getting sick and tired of being in the house so much so I suggested that we go to the beach, but Mom couldn’t ride the bike because she was too sick and I knew that, so I told Mav he needed to drive us there in the Mustang. I had a whole plan, I had made lunch, I had packed the stuff we needed including an umbrella and blanket for my Mom.”
Bradley paused, chuckling softly at whatever was about to happen in the story. Jake turned his head, catching sight of Bradley’s face, collar of his jacket turned up, sunglasses pushed into his hair and a soft smile on his face, eyes distant as he thought back to that day. Jake stayed silent, even as the urge to tuck himself further into Bradley’s arms made itself known like an unwanted guest in his head.
“So anyway, I lay out my whole plan and my Mom just starts laughing like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard and I’ve never had good control of my temper so I start getting annoyed because I was trying, and she was doing her best to reassure me that it wasn’t me, but she just kept laughing and Mav’s got his head in his hands and I finally clock that it’s something else so I have to wait for my Mom to stop laughing since it wasn’t looking like Mav was gonna tell me shit.”
Bradley was grinning now, shaking his head as he rubbed his free hand over his jaw with a sigh. “So, she finally calms down and I ask what’s so funny. That’s when they finally tell me Mav doesn’t know how to drive.”
“What?” Jake asked, unable to help himself, trying to figure out how that made sense.
Bradley turned his head, catching Jake’s eyes and nodding. “Oh yeah. So, turns out the Mustang was Mav’s. He had bought it years before because he had wanted to learn how to drive it, but he just never had the time. So this man, this fucking naval aviator legend cannot drive for his life and that’s why the car was always at our place. Because my Mom could drive it, and Mav took it back because he always wanted to learn, but he just never got around to it so he can’t drive. And to my knowledge, he still can’t fucking drive to date.”
Normally, Jake would keep quiet, but some part of him needed to pipe up. “I can’t drive manual either you know.”
“Yeah, but you can drive a car, right?” Bradley asked.
“Yeah, I can drive an automatic car.”
Bradley patted him on the back, head turning to look at something before looking back at Jake, smile still on his face. “Nobody’s perfect.”
Jake let out a dramatic gasp. “You take that back.”
“Nah,” Bradley said, using the arm around Jake to haul him into a half hug, an unconscious motion Jake figured since his arm relaxed, but Jake was still tucked into his side like he belonged there.
It felt nice, and that was the mental train Jake didn’t want to take. “You guys ever make it to the beach?”
“Oh yeah, with me grinding the shit outta those gears the whole way. We never lived far, so it didn’t take long, but Mav was fucking useless, relegated to the back and silent as my Mom taught me. I picked it up fairly quickly.”
“Did you get the Mustang?” Jake asked, thinking of the Bronco and wondering if Bradley had another car.
Bradley’s smile turned sad. “Uh, no. No. It was a collectors item and when my Mom passed there was some debt so Mav sold it so it could all be paid off. It was for the best. No one needed me in a car with that much horsepower after my Mom passed. Ending up crashing the Honda and totaling it. I was staying with Ice at that time because Mav was over in Iraq I think, he got me mostly out of trouble since the only person involved was myself but fuck my insurance premium went through the roof.”
“And then you got the Bronco?”
Bradley nodded. “And then I got the bronco. Mav and Ice both helped me fix it up, Mav more than Ice since he got promoted away pretty soon after that. I uh, yeah I have a lot of good memories with that car honestly.”
Jake nodded, hearing the wistfulness in his tone and he turned his head, pressing his face back against his knees, taking a deep breath of the stuffy air that came from too many people shoved into a room together. The smell didn’t change it seemed. Navy or civilian and in a way, that smell helped more than anything.
“That where you got the scars? The crash?” Jake asked, forcing himself to sit up a little bit more, catching sight of the ocean, but he could see the Golden Gate Bridge and that, in some ways, helped. The knowledge they were still in the harbor.
Bradley’s arm didn’t pull away, instead just wrapped around Jake's waist like it belonged there.
“These?” Bradley asked, thumbing over his jaw before shaking his head. “Nah, I went flying face first into tanbark when I was trying to show off to Mav what I could do on the swings one time when he was home.”
The entire boat shuddered for a second and Jake tensed, his head whipping around to look out of the window and saw the island just as the announcement they had arrived came over the speakers and the tension that had been in his shoulders left him as he let out a breath.
“Here,” Bradley said, standing up, one hand still resting on Jake’s shoulders.
Jake gave into the urge to reach up and squeeze Bradley’s hand before he stood, sticking close to the man as they left the boat. Getting onto dry land had the same relief that he got when they returned to shore from the carriers, and he swallowed a few times before shooting Bradley a smile he hoped looked reassuring. Thankfully, Bradley didn’t say anything as they wandered, falling into step with the rest of the crowd as they looked around.
“So, what do we do?” Jake asked, looking at Bradley who had his camera up and already taking shots. Jake just rolled his eyes when it was pointed at him, waiting for Bradley to finish before he repeated his question.
Bradley let it drop and shrugged. “Probably head up to the prison, it’s at the top of the hill?”
Jake tilted his head back, squinting through the weak sunlight that had broken through the fog and cloud overhead but hadn’t actually gotten rid of it. He shivered, pulling his jacket in tighter before looking back at Bradley and nodding. “A little walk would do you good I think,” he said, teasing as he grinned at Bradshaw who rolled his eyes.
“What the fuck ever man, I’ll keep up no problem,” Bradley said, turning and beginning to wander up, Jake falling into step next to him.
“Here,” Jake said, handing the audio tour headphones and device to Bradley who was in the middle of fiddling with something on his camera. He waited for a moment before nudging Bradley in the arm, finally getting his attention. “It’s self-guided,” he explained.
Bradley took it, before he nodded, hooking the strap over his neck and taking a few moments to situate himself. “Never done a self-guided tour before,” he explained, fiddling with the device.
“Really?” Jake asked, letting the headphones hang around his neck as he glanced around. “Is it sad that this reminds me of the base?”
That got Bradley’s attention to look up, finally paying attention to the room with a frown. “I mean, the showers aren’t that bad?”
“The fact that you could say that with a straight face is a miracle,” Jake said, nudging Bradley toward where everyone else was going, climbing up the stairs to the start of the tour. “They’re the fucking worst.”
“Carrier, yes. On land? Not as bad. You have to admit that,” Bradley said from behind him.
Jake waited until they were both upstairs before giving him an unimpressed look, making Bradley chuckle.
“I mean, the standard is in hell but the first shower at home whenever I’m on leave is something to look forward to,” Jake said, shaking his head. “Something about just sitting in hot water and not having to worry about a time? Perfect.”
He thought of his little apartment right off base in Lemoore, the place he had gotten because of the comfortable shower and hot water that almost never ran out. It was one of the things he had looked for, not wanting to deal with short, luke warm showers any more than he had to.
“The first thing I do is take a nice long bath,” Bradley admitted, the two of them wandering to the first tour stop.
“Some of us don’t have baths,” Jake said with a wistful sigh. “My apartment complex does boast a spa pool which is nice, but that does require a swimsuit and the last thing I want to do is relax right after getting home in a suit.”
Bradley grunted in agreement as he picked up his camera and started taking photos of the place, shaking his head as he turned. “Okay, I think our showers are nicer, but man. They have a lot more room than we do.”
“They are on land,” Jake pointed out as he peered into one of the cells, wrinkling his nose before he shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t mind the bunks.”
Bradley looked at him with such horror that Jake snorted, trying to keep his laughter down in deference to everyone milling about. “Seriously?” he demanded; the judgment strong.
“Yeah, seriously. I like rolling into them, closing the curtain, and not having to fuckin’ deal with people. It’s quiet, it’s fucking dark and then I can just get rocked to sleep.”
“Rocked to sleep?” Bradley asked, staring at him with a grin. “Who the fuck is rocking you to sleep in those things?”
“The ocean,” Jake said, throwing an arm out to the side to indicate what was all around them.
“You can feel the ocean on the carriers?” Bradley asked, tilting his head to the side.
“You can’t?”
“Not unless we go through some bad weather or something,” Bradley said with a shrug. “Fuck, if you’re inside it just feels like we’re back on land or something.”
“I know,” Jake said, shrugging at Bradley’s look. "But I can feel them."
He enjoyed being inside most of the time on the carrier and had, when he was younger, volunteered to take on whatever shitty chores he needed to stay inside. It had resulted in people calling him all sorts of names, but he happily took all of the names people would throw at him over people finding out about his fear of boats. That was something only a few people knew, and it made Jake start to realize that Bradley was now one of those few few people.
He waited for Bradley to say something else but the man just shrugged and started walking again, the headphones around his neck, taking photos as he walked. Jake watched him for a moment, before he moved to catch up, looking down and beginning to play, watching as he walked, listening to the narrators.
“Oh, hey,” Jake said, nudging Bradley in the side and nodding to a display. “Some of the narrators are actual prisoners.”
Bradley’s eyebrows went up as they wandered over and Jake half paid attention to what was being said as Bradley looked at the photos before he turned, shooting Jake a grin that had started a fight more than once over the years.
“What?” Jake asked, warily.
“We could throw up a photo of your ex here, he would fit right in,” Bradley said, the smile fading ever so slightly, watching Jake, clearly waiting for his reaction.
Jake rolled his eyes so hard it hurt for a second, flipping Bradley off. “Asshole,” he said, huffing as he started walking again, Bradley’s laughter following him.
He heard Bradley catch up, an arm dropping around his shoulders and shaking him, the same way Jake had seen Bradley do to others in countless bars over the years. It was the sort of casual motion that was reserved for his friends, and Jake knew they were friends, as odd as it was to think about sometimes, but he was also surprised because it was new.
“Come on, that was funny,” Bradley said, shaking him again before his arm dropped.
Jake refused to give him the credit even though it was. “Nope.”
Bradley chuckled again and they kept walking. Jake did his best to pay attention to the tour as they kept moving, but he noticed that Bradley kept moving forward, taking photos, getting distracted by things before he would come back, rejoining Jake, and listening to whatever little tidbit Jake had picked up, nodding along like he was actually interested before he disappeared again, camera to his eye, something new capturing his attention.
It was almost a dance and the more they walked, the longer Jake couldn’t help but look at Bradley, the ease at which he was moving through the crowd, hair messy, and his chin fully covered with a beard. He looked nothing like a naval aviator, and Jake would be surprised if anyone would peg them as military right then. Bradley chose that moment to turn, waving at Jake with a grin, lifting his camera to take a photo and Jake just shook his head, smiling as he turned, pretending to pay attention to what the narrator was telling him, but he had paused it and so it was just him with his thoughts.
“Mom! Mom! Look! It’s there.”
Jake glanced to the side to see a teenage girl pointing at one of the cells with enough excitement that Jake took a few steps back and tilted his head up to look and see what it was, just seeing a cell and nothing else.
“What do you mean it’s there?”
The teenager just grinned and waved her arms around. “Al Capone’s cell! One-eighty-one!”
“Oh, for the love…,” the Mom trailed off and sighed, shaking her head. “How do you know that?”
“I asked the Ranger,” the girl said with a grin. “Did you know that he was dying of syphilis when he was here? And that toward the end he started to go crazy because it was eating at his brain and he might not have even known his name so he had to get transferred back to the land before he died!”
“Oh my god, where did you hear that?”
“I read it in a book!” the girl said, continuing to talk as she started walking, her Mother following her with a long-suffering look, but she still listened as the girl talked, excited about it and all Jake could do was chuckle and tilt his head back, staring at the cell above him.
“What’s interesting?” Bradley asked, reappearing next to Jake.
“Al Capone's cell,” Jake replied, pointing at the easily read number. “One-eight-one.”
“No shit?” Bradley asked, camera up, taking a few photos.
“Full shit,” Jake replied, earning a chuckle. “And apparently he was dying of syphilis and crazy as hell before they rolled him on out of here.”
“No shit?” Bradley repeated, wrinkling his nose. “No thank you. As if I needed another reason to wrap it up.”
Jake snorted, nudging Bradley to keep walking as they wandered to the outside recreation area. Jake pulled the headphones off as they wandered along the top of the concrete bleachers and looked out across the bay, seeing the Golden Gate, half of it hidden by the fog that was already beginning to descend again. He shoved his hands into his pockets, shivering as the cold wind bit into him, making him wish he had grabbed one of his warmer jackets, but that was back in San Diego along with a lot of other stuff he wished he had bought.
“It’s a hell of a view,” Bradley said, climbing up to stand next to Jake, camera hanging as he planted his hands on his hips. “Not as good as from a carrier deck thought.”
“Wouldn’t know,” Jake said, shrugging when Bradley turned to look at him. “I try not to go outside unless I’m going up. And I can usually manage it most of the time.”
Bradley was quiet long enough that Jake figured he was letting it go, but then Bradley shuffled awkwardly and sighed. “So, like, if you don’t wanna tell me that’s fine, but…why?”
For a brief moment, Jake wanted to play stupid, but he sighed. “I wish there was some reason why so I could point to it and have it be reasonable since it happened to me. A fear born of experience, you know? But it’s nothing like that. Nope. Instead, when I was learning to swim the instructor kept talking about all the ways the water was dangerous, they were trying to make us respect it and I did. No worries there. But there were these two kids in the class with me, asshole teenagers, you know?”
Bradley hummed and sat down, Jake joining him, the concrete cold and seeping through his jeans but he just leaned forward, elbows on his knees and he rubbed his hands together to try and make sure they stayed warm.
“So, the instructor was trying to get through to them you know? Kept telling stories, all of them getting worse and worse and the one that stuck with me was about this person she knew. It was always someone she knew right? The same way we all know someone who has known someone who’s had some crazy story without actually giving a name.”
“Urban legends,” Bradley said.
“That’s the one,” Jake said. “So, anyway. She’s talking about this one crash. About a couple that is on a yacht in some ocean somewhere and they get knocked off and the husband goes under, and he gets dragged deep with some debris and when he gets free he doesn’t know which way is up or down and he’s running out of air so he chooses a direction and goes for it, only to hit the bottom of the ocean.”
“The bottom of the ocean?” Bradley interrupted, with a snort.
Chuckling, Jake shook his head. “Maybe they were close to shore. I don’t know. But anyway, he hits the bottom and he starts trying to swim up only for more of the debris to hit him and drag him down so he gets pinned on the bottom and dies. The wife is also trapped under some of the boat and dies as well. And shit, like. The story doesn’t make sense at all? How do they know what he was thinking? But it stuck with me the rest of the day and that night I had so many fucking horrible nightmares and they just stuck. I don’t often remember, but those ones? Shit, I remember those like it was happening to me even today. I can feel the panic and my lungs filling with water even though its been literal decades. But I never thought anything about it until a few years later, the first year of Academy was done and Javy invited me to spend time with his family, I agree. His family is big on fishing and stuff and so I agree to go out, why the fuck not don't know any better. We are barely ten yards from shore and I’m about to have a panic attack.”
“Shit,” Bradley said, voice soft, shoulder pressed against Jake’s.
“Yeah, so they get me back and they’re fucking worried and crowding and it’s not helpful. But, when things get settled and his family has finally backed off, Javy asks when the fuck I was gonna tell him I was afraid of boats, and I had to admit I didn’t know until that moment because I had never been on a boat. Something about that story stuck in my psyche and I cannot get my mind out of it and it pisses me off each time, but it’s just there.”
“And yet you joined the Navy.”
Jake snorted, shrugging. “I didn’t have a choice, at least I didn’t think so at the time. And I don’t regret it for a single moment. I deal with the carriers as best as I can, and I am better than I used to be. But they’re still something I don’t like.”
Bradley was silent before he knocked his shoulder against Jake’s. “That’s shit.”
It was a succinct way of putting it, but Jake knew there was no good thing to say so he settled for nodding. “Yeah, it is. But it is what it is and I deal as best as I can. Beth and Javy have a whole exposure therapy thing they wanna try but I’ve been putting it off since it sounds dicey as shit.” He paused and shrugged again. “But, I might be willing to try.”
“Well, if they ever do and I have leave I can help,” Bradley said, offering.
It struck Jake dumb for a second, the acknowledgment that whatever this friendship was becoming would be something that would still be there after this trip ended, whenever that was. That this was something permanent.
“I’ll let them know,” Jake said, shivering as the wind began to pick up and he stood, nudging Bradley to get moving. “Come on. I’m getting cold.”
“So they got put in there?” Bradley asked, leaning closer and peering through the doorway.
Jake nodded as he leaned in, peering into the inky blackness of the cell. “Uh huh, the hole,” he said, remembering what the narrator had been talking about. “They get put in there, and the door gets shut, and total isolation and darkness. An hour of outside time per week, and they stay in there up to nineteen days.”
“Fuck that,” Bradley said, stepping back with a wrinkled nose, moving to the side to let someone else in.
“Not interested?” Jake asked, even as he stepped closer, able to make out more now that there were people inside, but the couple left quickly, the woman shuddering as she exited, the man chuckling as he followed.
“Not at all,” Bradley said, waving a hand for Jake to go.
Jake had never had a problem with darkness, small rooms or anything like that but as he stepped inside the small cell, the light seeming to be sucked from around him he shuddered, looking at the small cell, the lack of anything and he grimaced. He planted his hands on his hips as moved to turn, stopping when a bright flash lit up the room and he blinked away the after image.
“Shit, sorry,” Bradley said when Jake finally finished turning, one hand out.
“S’all good,” Jake said once his eyes had finished adjusting.
Backlit by the light as he was, it was hard to make out his features, giving him an eerie look that made something deep in Jake’s psyche want to shudder and he thought about men kept in the darkness, the only light coming when they got fed, given to them by a man in a uniform with no face. He shook his head, fighting back the shiver as he stepped out, glad for the weak sunlight streaming in.
“How was it?” Bradley asked as they started walking.
“Creepy,” Jake said, shrugging. “It’d keep me in line to avoid being in there, but then again, I’m also not likely to commit the kinda crimes that end up with me in here.”
Bradley hummed as they kept walking, peering into more cells as Jake half-heartedly listened to the audio.
“What do you think would make you commit these kinds of crimes?” Bradley asked when they finally reached the end of the tour and Jake finished handing over his device, and Bradley handed over his unused one. “To get jailed I mean. Like. You’re way too smart to do something stupid, and you’ve got kind of that insane control I wish I could have even a fraction of, so what would get you locked away?”
Jake chuckled. “Wow, is the world ending? You’re sayin’ nice things about me?” he teased to try and give himself a moment to think about it, not even sure what would make him commit a crime.
“I mean, c’mon. You were top of the class half the time—”
“—and you or Nat the other half—”
“—and I’ve never seen you lose your shit. Half the time it feels like I’m constantly on edge and I have had to spend a lot of time keeping my temper under control so I know that would be what would do me in.”
Jake inclined his head at that, having been on the receiving end of Bradley’s temper more than once over the years. “I’m not sure,” he admitted after a moment, looking at Bradley to find the man already looking at him. “I grew up barely over the poverty line so money isn’t a factor so I wouldn’t rob anything because I know how to live without.” He paused and sighed, shrugging. “Maybe, at most. I would get in for a fight like you but it wouldn’t be because I lose my temper, it’d be because someone I care about gets hurt. Beth, or Javy, or shit. Javy’s got an insane number of younger cousins, he’s one of the oldest, and I think the youngest is maybe eight now? So, if someone hurt one of them, but then again, there’d be a long line in front of me.”
“That makes sense,” Bradley said, beginning to walk again. “Tho, you strike me as the type who would plan something and then get even more in trouble because of it. I at least have a crime of passion thing I could argue about.”
“Callin’ me passionless, darlin’?” Jake asked, shooting a grin at Bradley as they exited the main part of the prison.
“That is not something anyone who knows you could claim,” Bradley said, bumping Jake with his shoulder and a shrug, before nodding his head. “Oh look, a gift shop.”
He said it in a dry tone, but Jake just waved a hand at him, dropping the rest of the conversation and making a beeline for the books.
By the time Jake was done at the gift shop, a stack of books in his arms, the wind had picked up and Bradley watched the boat rock as the people in front of him shuffled onto the small ferry. He glanced to the side, seeing the way Jake’s hair whipped up, flying around his head and normally the sight would have Bradley making some comment, but he could see the tension in his shoulders and he bit back the glib comment.
“We can wait a bit, and see if the wind dies down?” Bradley offered in a soft voice.
Jake shook his head. “No,” he said, shooting Bradley a smile that would’ve looked more smug and self-assured if he wasn’t pressing his lips together and trying to maintain the smile.
“Sure?”
Jake nodded and Bradley dropped it, knowing that pushing would probably just ruin the truce they had. They made it onto the boat, full of people and they ended up near a window, the view outside breathtaking and stunning. The white caps of the waves, the fog rolling in over the golden gate, the way the sky was getting darker even though it was just past lunch. Bradley had his camera up and taking a few photos as the ferry pulled away from the island, adjusting the settings a few times until he had one he wanted.
A hand curling around his jacket had him turning and he saw Jake, staring very determinedly at Bradley’s side and he remembered the Queen Mary, how Jake had just walked close to him, stuck by his side and Bradley could feel the part that was all his Dad rear up and take control, the part of his Dad that had earned the Mother Goose moniker. He crowded Jake back, tucking him against a wall and turning, using his body to block as much of the view outside as he could. It said a lot about the moment that Jake didn’t do anything but let Bradley tuck him into a corner.
Bradley dropped his head down until he could catch Jake’s eyes and struggled to find something to talk about, the memory of the ride from the day before fresh in his mind and how Jake had talked. It had helped on the ride over, and as the boat began to move across the bay back to shore, rocking more, Bradley started to talk.
“So, fun fact. I’ve never been dumped,” he said, figuring this was a stupid enough story that Jake might find some way to tease him.
Jake frowned, eyes still hidden behind sunglasses, holding his books to his chest like they were some extras in a stupid teenage TV show set in high school. “How?”
The confusion was evident. “So, mostly because I’ve always dumped them first,” he admitted, thinking back to the long line of broken hearts he had left in his wake. “Nat says I have commitment issues and as much as I hate agreeing with her, she’s not…wrong most of the time.”
“Never tell her that,” Jake said, shooting Bradley a smile that was so fake it hurt. A smile that faded when the ferry went over a wake that had more than a few of the people standing around stumble, laughter following. Bradley shifted closer, giving others more room because he had earned his sea legs many years ago and this was nothing compared to some of the storms he had sat through over the years.
“Oh, no never. She doesn’t need the ego,” Bradley agreed, bracing a shoulder on the wall, trying to look casual and not like he was two seconds from just body-slamming Jake against the wall and hugging him. Bradley knew how much fear could be debilitating, and the fact that Jake had stayed in the Navy despite a fear of boats, and not just stayed but excelled, even though they were pilots and not sailors, said a lot about who he was.
“But, she’s not wrong but she doesn’t always have the whole story, or well she does have the story but she doesn't truly understand it I guess. Not a lot of people do. I’ve dated…a lot,” he admitted, knowing the list was long and had gotten him more than a few harsh names over the years. Most of them probably earned. “And it’s not like I’m dating someone for two weeks and then leaving them. No, a lot of these will last long enough they kinda hit a point where…”
Bradley trailed off, wrinkling his nose and sighing, knowing that what came next would end up with a lot of teasing when they were off the boat and Jake’s panic had abated.
“Where?” the man prompted, still staring at him from behind sunglasses but some of the tension had left his shoulders.
“Where the commitment issues comes into play. Because there’s this point, it happens every fucking time. When I get my orders and I have to go off to do the job, and the person I’m dating says something along the lines of ‘Oh, I’ll miss you. Can’t wait for you to come home!’ Or something like that.”
“How dare they miss you?” Jake asked, a real, albeit small, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Exactly,” Bradley said, shooting Jake a grin that faded as he sighed. “It’s not…it’s not the thought that’s the issue really. It’s just, it always makes me think of my Mom, you know? She dated a little bit as I got older, but it never stuck and I remember asking her one time because I actually really liked one of the guys she dated. He was good, and he got along with Mav and never tried to throw his weight around when Mav and I would hang out, and I liked him. And she just got this look, this sad look that I still remember so clearly and told me it wouldn’t be fair to him because he was a good man, but she still loved my Dad too much.”
Bradley went silent, glancing to the side, suddenly wondering why the fuck he had brought this up in the middle of a crowded ferry on the ride back to the shore. He regretted starting this all of a sudden, but it was out there, and Jake wasn’t an idiot.
“And your partners saying that makes you think of your Mom,” Jake finished for him.
Bradley nodded, forcing himself to look back. “I don’t want to be the reason someone can’t move on, you know? Maybe it’s a bit egocentric but I saw what the loss of my Dad did to my Mom, and I know people can move on. But she never did. And I just…never want to do that to someone so I always break up with them when they get to that point. We’d date, and then I’d get orders and get deployed and they’d say that, and right before I’d break up with them. Fucking got called some of the worst things and I don’t blame them because the timing is shit, but I just can’t do it.”
Jake shifted, pushing up his sunglasses finally, letting Bradley see his eyes. He had always known Jake’s eyes were green, but they had never seemed as bottomless as they did right then. Like Bradley was staring deep into an emerald ocean, trying to see the bottom but all he could see was more green.
“But you keep dating?” Jake asked, a small furrow appearing between his eyebrows.
“I keep dating,” Bradley said shrugging. “Because I do want to find someone, you know? It’s two ideas that are at constant warring and I keep hoping that this time it’ll be different, this time I’ll figure out how to feel comfortable walking away from someone knowing that I might not come back.”
The knowledge he might not come back was always something that had been in the back of Bradley’s mind, but it was at the forefront now, stuck right there because of the recent mission.
“Life’s a risk, Bradshaw,” Jake said. “Sometimes you just gotta go for it and deal with the broken heart as it comes.”
“How’s that going for you?” Bradley asked, a little snappier than he intended.
Jake rolled his eyes. “I’m here, ain’t I?” he asked, pushing away from the wall so he was standing chest to chest with Bradley, chin up.
It was on the tip of his tongue to point out all the ways he could see the fear on Jake's face but the words dried up in his mouth and he let out a long sigh. “You are,” he agreed, giving in too easily if the deeper frown on Jake’s face was an indication. “But, it’s still a hell of a lot easier said than done.”
“That is true,” Jake said, his shoulders jerking up when the boat rocked over another large wave, tilting them from side to side. He let out a sigh, and then, to Bradley’s surprise, tipped forward until his forehead was pressed against Bradley’s shoulder. “I’m gonna do something stupid.”
“Um?” Bradley said, not sure what stupid thing Jake was thinking about doing but his mind was spinning through a million choices and for some reason kept coming back to dating, and everything involved with that.
When Jake straightened up, there was a determined look on his face and Bradley braced for any number of things, but when Jake shifted past him, all Bradley could do was turn and follow, crowding up behind him as they worked around the couple next to them who happily took the spot they had been in until the window was right there, the same stunning view as before except the fog had crawled further in, only the top of the Golden Gate visible and the spray that blew up against the windows made it harder to see anything. Bradley felt bad for anyone who was standing outside.
“Fuck,” Jake said, voice strangled, and Bradley shifted forward, dropping his chin on Jake’s shoulder and digging the point in until Jake jerked away. “Ow,” he said, head whipping around to glare at Bradley who just grinned at him.
“So like, we’re gonna drive over the bridge, right?” Bradley asked, looking at the bridge.
“Not that we’d be able to see much,” Jake replied, turning and looking back out with a deep breath. “Fuckin’ fog.”
“Yeah, the cities kinda known for it though,” Bradley said, standing up and moving to lean a shoulder against the window, seeing the dock getting closer he could feel the rumble of the engine below them begin to slow down, guide them into shore. “But, we can grab something to eat since I’m starving and then head over.”
“And then what?” Jake asked, a frown on his face as he looked out the window, no doubt forcing himself to watch.
Bradley wanted to get between him and the view, but he knew firsthand what kind of stubborn Jake Seresin was and that wasn’t an argument he thought he could win. He’d leave it for Coyote and Dino to deal with.
“Well, we’re heading North still right?”
Jake nodded.
Bradley thought about what he knew of California, albeit what he knew well ended around here and fully disappeared just past Napa. He tilted his head to the side. “You like wine?”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, why?”
“Could always hit up Napa. There’s a lot of good places to go wine tasting, have a chill day,” Bradley offered.
Jake nodded again and finally drew his eyes away from the view outside and looked at Bradley, face pale but there was a stubborn look on his face. “Sounds good,” he said just as the boat stopped and the crew began to move outside.
Bradley jerked his chin outside. “How do you feel?”
“Like I’m going to throw up,” Jake admitted.
Nodding, Bradley shuffled to the side to let a family with kids pass, the kids complaining about how hungry they were, and Bradley realized he was starving all of a sudden. “Sounds about right. Wanna get food?”
Jake blew out a breath as the two of them joined the shuffle off the ship, the color returning to his cheeks as soon as he was on dry land, and nodded. “Yeah, fuck. Food might be good.”
“Food it is.”
The small cafe they found was good, nothing to write home about but the sort of food that stuck to your ribs and chased away the chill that blew in from outside every time the door opened. They were near the front, the wide window letting them see people walk past briskly, the world moving on even as it felt slower for Bradley. He could see people on phones, in suits and outfits made for the office, briefcases and bags. All of it reminded Bradley that the rest of the city was in the middle of a work day, and he was on his trip. It made the whole thing feel even more surreal.
“You gonna finish that?”
Bradley turned to see Jake pointing at he couple of fries on his plate, cooling as he stared out the window, relaxing and getting the energy to leave now that the bill was paid. “Nah,” he said, shoving it over as he leaned back in the chair, raising an eyebrow as he spotted Jake on his phone. “Wow.”
Jake glanced up, eyes wide. “What?”
Bradley nodded toward the phone, getting an eye roll in return.
“I’m lookin’ for a nice hotel for Napa, darlin’,” Jake said, spearing a fry and chewing it with a smile. “I feel like a pool where I can lay out in the sun and be warm, none of this.”
This was said with a wave toward the window, the gray skies and the fog slowly dropping down. “Fair,” Bradley admitted, looking at the cold weather and shivering.
Jake hummed, eating another fry as he kept scrolling and Bradley let himself watch for a moment before he grabbed his own phone and began to search through the messages, ignoring Phoenix’s increasing drama that came from her being near her mother. They fed off each other, making them worse and worse until it came to a head and the only person Bradley felt bad for in that instance was Bob who was caught in the middle of everything and probably wishing he was with his Dad in Guam.
He had a few voice messages from various people and he listened to a few of them before replying and switching over to Mav’s chat, knowing Hondo’s wedding was the upcoming weekend. Hondo still in it?
It didn’t take long to get the reply and it made Bradley snort. Hondo’s not brave enough to run and Brianna is the one who gets me the parts for the P51. So, he isn’t going anywhere even if he wanted to. And he doesn’t.
Bradley shook his head and went to reply stopping when the next message came in. He’s got it bad, the kind of thing we all want and search for. I never found it, but your parents did, and I hope one day you do too.
“Holy shit.”
Tearing his eyes away from that message he looked up at Jake who had sat up and was staring at his phone with a gobsmacked look on his face before he scrambled for his wallet, grabbing it and dumping it on the table, almost making it land in the pile of ketchup on the edge of Bradley’s plate.
“What?” Bradley asked, a little worried.
Jake waved him off as he grabbed one of his cards and looked between it and his phone, quickly typing the number in, his entire body tense as he stared with more intensity than Bradley had ever seen him direct at the phone before he suddenly dropped back with a smug, self-satisfied grin that never had any right looking as good as it did.
“What’s up?” Bradley asked, wondering if he had just won the lottery or something.
“Where we’ve been stayin’ at a bunch of different places I’ve been usin’ the same card and I was searchin’ for a place in Napa and got an offer. Normally the hotel is about two grand a night for a room—”
Here, Bradley choked on air. “Two grand?”
“—but, because of this offer we got it for a lot fuckin’ less.”
“How much less?” Bradley demanded; sure it was still too much.
Instead of replying, Jake stood, rounding the table and bracing an elbow on Bradley’s shoulder, leaning down and beginning to scroll through photos. Bradley watched, eyebrows going up as he took in the view, the sweeping hills, and grapevines with the blue skies. It looked to be tucked away in the hills, and his eyebrows went higher as he saw the room, oversized, opulent with a balcony overlooking the views. The beds looked large and comfortable, and Bradley couldn’t help the happy noise when he saw the shower and bath combo. He was pretty sure he had never stayed in a place that nice in his life.
“Goddamn,” he said, impressed. “It’s so fucking much though.”
“Darlin’, I’m stayin' here. I don’t give a shit if you do or not,” Jake replied, standing up, taking his weight with him and Bradley suddenly missed it as he walked around and sat back down.
“I…,” Bradley trailed off, not sure what to say without sounding like an asshole, and splitting up seemed like a dumbass idea. All things Jake knew if the look on his face was any indication.
“They also have shuttles to local wineries and the Napa balloon tours so we don’t have to worry about driving. I don’t know about you but I could use a day not in a car. We can get up there tonight and check-in,” Jake continued.
Bradley rubbed a hand over his cheek, suddenly feeling the urge to shave so he wouldn’t look like he had just come off a five-day bender.
“Just give in,” Jake said, shooting Bradley an amused smile. “You know you wanna.”
Sighing, Bradley shook his head and stood. “Fine, but I’m not doing this gracefully.”
“So, normal then? Cuz you sure as shit ain't graceful,” Jake teased as he stood back up and followed Bradley out, the two of them waving back to the waitress who called goodbye to them as they left.
“Asshole,” Bradley said, turning toward where they had parked the car, dragging his phone out of his pocket to text Nat, ignoring her texts to send one of his own, just to fuck with her.
Remind me to pick up ballet.
Nat’s reply was a series of question marks and he shoved his phone into his pocket, figuring it would give her something else to focus on other than her Mom. Jake fell into step with him, his phone disappearing back into his pocket, sunglasses back on his face but the smug smile was still there, and Bradley had a feeling it would be there for a long time.
“Oh my god,” was all the warning he got before a hand grabbed his arm and he was dragged to the side.
Bradley went, letting Jake drag him until they were standing in front of a building, a closed sign on the front having Jake sigh. “Damn it.”
“What?” Bradley asked, tilting his head back until he finally noticed the sigh and both of his eyebrows went up. “Should I be questioning why you wanted a nice hotel and then dragged me to a vibrator museum?”
“Antique Vibrator Museum,” Jake said, stepping forward and peering through the window. “I fucking love museums like this. Weird, niche hobbies that few people wanna go to. Passion projects, you know?”
“I remember,” Bradley said, thinking of the list of museums Jake had to visit in LA, and wondered what was on his list for San Diego because he had never been a big fan, but he had enjoyed the Neon Museum, so maybe he liked them more than he thought he did. If they were the odder ones like this.
He watched as Jake pulled out his phone and typed something and Bradley was curious enough that he stepped forward to look, and saw him adding the name into a long list in the notes app before he shut his phone down with a sigh.
“Another day,” Jake said, beginning to walk.
“Another dildo?” Bradley asked, grinning when Jake cracked up, stumbling. Bradley reached out and grabbed his elbow, supporting him as he gasped for air, getting a few odd looks from those walking past.
Jake finally got himself under control reaching out and patting Bradley’s hand to let go. “Goddamn, dude,” Jake said, wiping at his eyes, his grin stretching wide across his face, dimples deeper than Bradley had ever seen. “Shit, that was unexpected. But fuckin’ funny.”
“I figured, considering the laughing fit and all that,” Bradley said, trying not to sound too pleased about making Jake laugh that hard. Instead, he started walking again, hoping whatever he was feeling wasn’t showing on his face. “Come on, we should get outta the city before traffic hits if we wanna make it to the hotel before midnight and I still wanna cross the bridge."
The drive over the bridge had been anti-climatic, traffic and fog making it near impossible to see anything and as a result, they hadn’t made it out of the city in time to avoid traffic, and by the time they were over the bridges they had been redirected so many times Bradley didn’t know where the hell they were, but at least they were out of the fog and the sun was warm, both windows rolled down to let in the fresh air. All he knew was that the GPS was telling him he was thirty minutes from the hotel and he couldn’t wait to get out of the car and stretch out his legs. He loved the Bronco, he did. But it was times like these when he wished for an automatic just to make sitting in traffic a little bit easier. Or he wished he could ask Jake to drive for a bit, but the last thing he was ever gonna let the man do was grind down his clutch until it slipped constantly and he had to replace it.
“Holy shit, pull over,” Jake said, waving a hand toward a small off-ramp Bradley barely had time to see before he was pulling off, glad for the lack of people on this road as he made it without an accident. “Park there.”
“What?” Bradley asked, doing as Jake said, raising his eyebrows when Jake was out of the car before he had even finished parking. He quickly parked and got out, following Jake toward a small sand dune that had a path through the middle of some beach grass. “What?” he repeated, louder.
Jake was at the top of the dune, staring at something. “Look,” he said, waving a hand.
Bradley caught up and stopped, staring across the array of old, rusted ships in the bay in front of them. “Holy shit,” he said, shuffling down the dune until he was standing against the railing of the lookout, taking in the setting sun and how it shone on the ships, highlighting the age and the disrepair a lot of them were in. “What?”
Jake was on his phone, for the third time that day. Something Bradley almost wanted to make a quip about. “Suisun Bay Vista Point,” he said, reading from the website he was on. “Mothball fleet. Apparently, this is part of the National Defense Reserve Fleet and they are supposed to be locked and loaded within 20 days if ever needed.”
Bradley took in the rusted and dying ships. “Yeah, we’re fucked if we ever need those,” he said.
Jake hummed, leaning against the railing next to Bradley and nodding. “Oh, hell yeah. World ending kinda shit.”
Bradley hummed, staring at the ships that had once been home to people out at sea. The lives they spent there, and how hard it would’ve been. Living at sea for months on end was hard in a way few people ever understood and Bradley had long since stopped explaining it to people. Instead just shrugging and saying he had gotten used to it. He wondered if the people who had been on those ships had gotten used to it as well.
“Do you think about the future, the ships we’ve been on sitting somewhere like this?” he asked, breaking the quiet contemplation they were in.
“Hm?” Jake asked before shaking his head. “Not really, well. Now I am.” He sighed. “You know, I never overly thought about it before? We know about the big ones, yeah? The ships out at Pearl, the Massachusetts in Pensacola, Iowa, Midway, Intrepid, Yorktown, Lexington, Wisconsin, and so on. All these ships that you can visit and learn about them, but what about all of the others? Navy has a fuck ton of ships and a long history and a lot of them are support, they ain't the ones you hear about in battle. So, what happens when they get decommissioned and don’t have the kinda history to turn them into a museum?”
Bradley hummed, not sure what to say, and Jake was quiet as well. Bradley thought of old ships, and thought of Mav, fighting for a long time and he wondered if he was going to finally stop fighting to stay in the Navy. He was the best, no one could deny that. Bradley hadn’t been able to even at his angriest, but Mav wasn’t young, he was getting older and Bradley had been shocked to see the gray hair, and how slowly Mav moved first thing in the morning until his body finished waking up. It didn’t matter how good you were, or what you were capable of, Mav had been right.
Time was the greatest enemy.
It was a depressing thought and Bradley sighed, turning to look at Jake who had his chin propped on his hand, sunglasses pushed into his hair, and a small frown on his face, deep in thought. It was a far cry from the fear on his face before. He thought about what Jake had said before he chuckled, getting the man’s attention.
“What?” Jake asked, looking at him, raised eyebrow and expectant.
“Just impressed,” Bradley said, rolling to one arm, looking at Jake instead of the graveyard.
“With?”
“How many fuckin’ museum ships you can name without looking them up."
"We're Navy, Rooster, it's our history," Jake replied.
"Is it? Or, oh my god. Don’t tell me you’re the kinda idiot who gets leave and goes and spends time in a museum made out of a carrier as if we don’t spend months cooped up in one?” Bradley asked, grinning wider when he, to his surprise, saw a blush begin to creep over Jake’s face. “Oh my god.”
“I find them interesting. They’re all built outta the same blueprint, to be the fuckin’ best, but they all have their own history,” Jake said, shoving away from the railing and beginning to walk back to the card.
“You’re such a nerd,” Bradley called after him, snorting when Jake flipped him off.
“Let's go, Bradshaw, I got a bed with my name on it and a long bath right before.”
Notes:
they were gonna go to the antique vibrator museum but this chapter was getting long sorrrryyy. But it looks awesome as hell ngl.
Chapter Text
“It’s beautiful.”
Jake nodded, unable to take his eyes away from the sunrise as it started poking over the horizon, the sun stretching fingers out across the valley, taking the landscape and beginning to light it up, letting him see the valleys and hills, the spread of vines across the land. It was peaceful, the only sound the wind and the soft click of the shutter as Bradley took photo after photo. He folded his arms on the edge of the basket and leaned against it, looking down at the ground spread below him. He heard the roar of the flames and grinned when they went a little bit higher, the hot air balloon taking them away from the ground.
“How high can these things go?” Bradley asked.
Jake turned to see the operator, an older man by the name of Tim with the sort of tan and lined face that spoke to hours of his life spent outside.
“So, we max out at three thousand feet, it’s where our license ends. This one can go a little higher but we’re not allowed,” Tim said as the balloon kept rising. “We tend to stick around a max of a thousand feet, but usually lower since people prefer that and like to see everything a bit closer.”
“Can we go to three thousand?” Jake asked, turning and bracing his elbows on the edge, looking at the man.
They were the only ones in the basket. It was the middle of the week and early, both things that had made it easy for them to find the space. The surprise that they had been the only ones, sans Tim, when they got there was a welcome one.
“We can. Either of you afraid of heights?” Tim asked, reaching up and adjusting something on the burner.
“Nope,” Jake said, turning back and leaning over the edge. “Fucking love them,” he said, staring down as the ground pulled away from them, slower than he had ever been before.
“Same,” Bradley said. “We’re pilots.”
“What kind?” Tim asked.
Jake tuned out the conversation as he braced his knees and bent over the side of the basket, letting his arms dangle down, the vines getting smaller until they almost seemed to disappear into the patchwork landscape. The houses dotting the ground looked like toys some kids had left out to play with. He could barely make out the cars that were out that early. It was cold, and he shivered, pulling the sleeves of his sweatshirt down, aware of the silence behind him and he lifted his head, turning to see the camera already pointed at him.
“Get outta here,” Jake said, rolling his eyes as he stood up and waved a hand at Bradley, shooing him away.
“Don’t be in my way then,” Bradley replied, grinning as he stepped forward, taking more and more photos, pulling back and checking something, then adjusting something with ease and taking a few more photos, the smile growing on his face.
“Worth the early wake up?” Jake asked, thinking back to just before when he had managed to wake up and drag Bradley out of bed to make it here.
The man hadn’t been impressed, cranky and irritated, arms crossed and scowling even as Jake shoved his camera and a cup of hotel-brewed coffee at him and dragged him out to meet the shuttle that would take them to where they needed to go. Watching the scowl fade to something excited had made Jake smile, and his smile had only grown as they got higher and higher.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, dropping the camera down and looking at the screen.
Jake stepped closer, pressing up against Bradley’s side so he could see the viewfinder, seeing the bright greens and gold from the sunrise painting a picture and he could only imagine what it would look like bigger, blown up on some wall somewhere.
“You’re really good at that,” he said, not sure if he had told Bradley that already, but he was.
Bradley shrugged, his shoulder brushing Jake’s cheek as he tilted the camera more, flipping through the photos he had taken. Jake rolled his eyes at the few of him, leaning over the side of the basket, backlit by the sunrise, only knowing it was him because he was there. Otherwise, it would be impossible to tell from just his ass alone.
“Lots and lots of fucking practice,” Bradley admitted, letting the camera drop so he could lean against the railing like Jake had been.
Jake mirrored him, shoulders still pressed together and he shifted closer, taking in the warmth from the other man even as he wanted to shiver at the cold air this high up. “So, after this we get breakfast and then there’s a wine train we can catch that’s a short walk if you’re up for it. Six hours, four courses, and wine tasting all while on a train to see the sights.”
There was a beat of silence before he felt Bradley’s shoulder move. “Sure.”
Jake was aware of Bradley looking at him and so he looked away from the sunrise to meet Bradley’s gaze, raising an eyebrow at him. “What?” he asked.
Shrugging, Bradley jerked his head down at the ground. “It’s a lot different when you’re not screaming over it, you know?”
“I know,” Jake said, looking down at the ground that was normally a blur. “Looks better like this.”
“Does it?” Bradley asked, a knowing tone in his voice. They both knew they weren't in the air for the view when they were flying.
Jake looked back at him, lifting a finger to his mouth. “Shh,” he said, turning back against the railing to look out, wondering what was crossing Bradley’s mind when he kept staring, but before Jake could ask, Tim started talking, telling them about everything they could see, even as far away as it was.
Three courses and three tastings into the day, Jake could almost fall asleep with the rocking of the train as he sipped at the glass of wine, settling back into the chair with a sigh that he was sure could be heard everywhere. Especially since, once again, the train was almost empty. It was just them and a few older couples, everyone in their own world.
“You look like the cat that got the cream,” Bradley said, his foot nudging against Jake’s from the other side of the table.
Jake opened his eyes, taking in the flush of Bradley’s cheeks, either from the wind, sun, or the alcohol they had been steadily consuming since they had gotten on the train. His jacket from the morning was on the bench next to Jake, the collar of his shirt open and showing off a tantalizing amount of skin and Jake could see a spray of freckles over his collarbone. He watched as Bradley took another bite of the dessert they had gotten, Jake couldn’t remember what it was, but the dark chocolate and pastry were the right combination of sweet and bitter.
“I am,” Jake said, slower than he should’ve responded, but as Bradley leaned back and picked up his own glass, sipping at the red wine, a respectable cabernet, that Jake hadn’t minded but it was a little sweet for his taste. “Why wouldn’t I be? We’re on a train, I just had one of the best meals on this trip, we spent the morning three thousand feet in the air and tonight I’m get to sleep on the most comfortable bed I’ve ever been in in my life. After making use of the pool and spa and relaxing.”
“And you finally found a wine you liked,” Bradley finished, tilting the glass at Jake.
Grinning, Jake took another sip of his petit sirah and grinned when the tannins washed over his mouth, and the dryness that followed and he sighed. “Fuck yeah I did,” he said, shrugging as he forced himself to sit up before he slid to the ground in happiness.
Bradley grimaced. “Man, that makes my mouth feel like I’m about to die of dehydration. I don’t know how you can do it.”
Jake shrugged. “I’ve always liked the high tannin wines. There’s this one Maria got me, a tannat? Fuck, I dream about that wine sometimes. No one else I know likes it, but fuck.” He let out a happy sigh as he sipped at his glass again, savoring the last few moments with the wine, even though he had a bottle tucked into his side, ready to be opened when they got back to the pool.
“Nat likes to call me a little bitch for this, but I love a rose,” Bradley admitted, grinning as he finished his glass off and set it on the table, leaning back and hooking an arm over the edge, the collar of his shirt opening even more, showing Jake that the spread of the freckles dipped below his collar bone, a direct arrow toward his nipple.
Jake licked his bottom lip, before taking another sip to cover it up. “Phoenix is, annoyingly, right as usual. You are a little bitch.”
“Asshole,” Bradley said, shaking his head as he turned, looking toward the back window of the car they were on, the winery they were rolling through spread out around them.
Jake wanted to bite his jawline, and he knew he was getting drunk, but he took another sip of his wine, looking down and seeing it was mostly gone and so he sighed, finishing it off before setting the glass on the table and reaching out to swipe a finger through the remaining dark chocolate sauce on his plate and sucked it off his finger before he grabbed his napkin and wiped his hands.
“We can grab a rose before we head back,” Jake offered, shrugging. “I wouldn’t mind taking a look through the wine store we saw.”
“At the rate we keep buying things I’m going to need a trailer,” Bradley said, looking back at Jake, face even more flushed now.
It was a joke, and it made Jake roll his eyes but there was something in Bradley’s tone, something that hinted at the longevity of this trip that made Jake think of a never-ending road trip. Locked in this little bubble with just them, the world outside paused, waiting for them to return to it. It was a fool's dreams, but it was one Jake almost wanted to believe in.
Before he could reply, their host reappeared, carrying the two bottles they had been drinking from and without a word, tipped some more into the glasses before he left, going and talking to one of the other couples.
“Want to go to the open-air car?” Jake asked as he picked up his glass and stood, one hand braced on the table as he felt his head spin a little bit. “Could use some fresh air.”
“Yeah,” Bradley said, standing and picking up his own glass. “Before I get even drunker.”
“We’re on leave, darlin, this is the time to get drunk,” Jake said, making his way through the car to the open-air one, feeling the wind whip at his hair and clothes as soon as he stepped outside, the sun making him squint before he pulled his glasses down, stepping to the side to lean against the railing, tilting his head back to soak up the sun as it hit him. “Don’t tell me you think the rest of the daggers were sober this whole time?”
Jake felt Bradley press up against his side and he opened his eyes, aware of how tall Bradley suddenly seemed, almost towering over him where he was slouching against the railing. His lips seemed redder in the light, and it was hard to see his eyes behind the glasses but Jake could tell Bradley was staring at him. He licked his bottom lip, before lifting his glass and took another sip, not breaking the gaze.
“No,” Bradley said, voice suddenly rough as he downed the entire glass in one long swallow that had Jake transfixed on his Adam’s apple. “No. They were definitely drunk. I’m guessing you didn’t see Omaha and Halo’s new matching tattoos they got?”
Jake snorted, shifting to stand a little bit more, surprised Bradley didn’t move away, instead just shifted until he was standing half in front of Jake, his knee pressing against the side of Jake’s leg, keeping them close, letting them talk without the wind whipping their words away.
“I didn’t, but it doesn’t surprise me,” Jake said, shaking his head. “Those two are chaos when they’re off duty. They also have matching ear piercings and Halo’s on a one-woman mission to get Omaha’s belly button pierced.”
“Why?” Bradley asked, a small frown marring his face.
“So, they match,” Jake explained, shrugging as he took another sip of the wine, trying to wet his already dry mouth but the wine didn’t help. “What, not a fan?”
“Don’t really have an opinion on belly button piercings honestly,” Bradley said, shrugging, using the hand holding the glass to gesture at Jake. “You?”
“Always wanted a nipple piercing, but never had the guts,” Jake admitted.
That made Bradley’s mouth drop open in shock for a moment before he chuckled. “You’re fucking with me?”
Jake shook his head. “Nope.”
“You got anything pierced?”
“Nope.”
“And you wanna start with the nipple?” Bradley asked, chin tipping down, where he was looking was obvious and Jake let his hands rest on the railing he was leaning against, rolling his shoulders back, chest pushing forward.
“So? Why bother working up to something when I know what I want?” Jake asked, glad for the closeness that let his voice drop.
That made Bradley chuckle and lean in, his glass clinking against Jake’s as he rested a hand on the railing. “And you’re always someone who just dives in head first, aren’t you?”
“You think you know me so well?”
“I’m getting there,” Bradley said, words open and honest and it made Jake quiet as he lifted the glass and finished his own drink before he dropped it and stood up straight, letting them press chest to chest as he met Bradley’s eyes.
“I am as well,” he said, voice soft, barely audible over the wind but Bradley heard him, dipping his head closer, only for them to stumble when the train began to slow and their host appeared.
“We are arriving back at the station,” he said, smiling at both of them before he walked past into the other cabin.
Jake stayed where he was, one hand gripping the glass, and the other one resting on Bradley’s side where it had landed, feeling his ribcage expand as Bradley took a deep breath and Jake could feel the fingers on his hip dig in before letting go and Bradley stepped back, jerking his head to the side.
“C’mon, before we lose all the wine to the drunk octogenarians,” Bradley said, shooting Jake a slow smile.
“Mmm, those octogenarians, can’t trust a man over eighty,” Jake agreed, feeling like a moment had passed him by entirely as he followed Bradley.
“You’re going to get sunburnt.”
Jake grinned, rolling his head to the side and opening his eyes. He watched as Bradley hoisted himself out of the water with ease, walking over and grabbing some of the fruit from the plate, which they were slowly decimating. It was the second plate they had ordered since they had gotten back to the hotel and decided to go to the pool for the rest of the afternoon and evening. The charcuterie plate was long gone, as was the rose they had gotten at the wine shop, a second wine waiting to be opened but they had both switched to water for the moment. There were a few bags of chips Jake had grabbed on a whim sitting on the ground between the loungers they had claimed as their own, situated at the far end of the pool, half under the shade from a tree that blocked the view from the road, isolating the pool area until it felt like an oasis.
He watched as water trailed over Bradley’s chest, the flex of his stomach and arm as he leaned over to grab a towel and scrub it through his hair, leaving it sticking every which way before he wrapped it around his waist.
“I’ll be fine,” he said after a beat too long, but Bradley just shook his head and collapsed onto the lounger, stretching out with a sigh, and pushing his sunglasses up his nose.
“Sure,” Bradley said, clearly aiming for disbelief but they were both drunk enough it just came across as amused.
“It’ll be a tomorrow me problem,” Jake replied, shuffling to get comfortable again, feeling the sun beat down on him.
It was late enough Jake wasn’t too worried, even though some part of him knew Bradley might be right. But he was warm and comfortable and he was just beginning to edge into the too-warm that would make the dip into the pool to cool off this side of refreshing. It was the sort of perfect day that belonged in the middle of summer, not at the end of it.
“This was a good idea,” Bradley said.
Jake turned his head, pushing his sunglasses up his nose where they kept sliding down, and nodded. “Oh, I know,” he said, letting the smugness color his tone so Bradley rolled his eyes, his entire head moving with the motion.
He sat up and reached out, grabbing his bottle of water and downing half of it in one long swallow before setting it down, snagging another piece of fruit, and biting into it. “You’re welcome.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Bradley said, flapping a hand at him as he tapped away at his phone with the other. “I’m not gonna tell you that again.”
“It’s good for my ego.”
That had Bradley chuckling as he shook his head. “You don’t need any help in that regards.”
It wasn’t the first time Jake had heard something like that, and it just made him roll his eyes, shaking his head as laid back down, closing his eyes, and getting comfortable again. The pool area wasn’t busy, but there were a few groups dotted around, all of them under their own cabanas, the conversation lively enough that it added a soft hum to the background that settled Jake. The trip had been fun, but there was something about spending a day doing almost nothing, without being cooped up in a car, that was working for him. It was the sort of lazy day that he realized he needed. Where all he had to do was lay out in the sun, and at some point, get the energy and focus to grab one of the three books he had piled on the ground next to him and break one of them open.
“This was a good idea,” Jake said, looking over at Bradley who was leaning forward, engaged with something on his phone, chewing at his thumbnail.
Jake rolled his eyes and shifted to settle back down, letting the noise wash over him, let him settle back into the lounger, and let himself doze. They had vague plans to try eating at the restaurant attached to the hotel, and tomorrow they would keep heading North, toward wherever Bradley wanted to take him.
“Excuse me?”
Jake opened his eyes, turning to see a woman standing above him and he smiled. “Hi there,” he said, sitting up and tilting his head back, keeping his sunglasses on. “How can I help you?”
The woman smiled back at him, jerking her thumb behind her. “Sorry to bug you, but could you take a photo of us?”
Us was a group of women about her age, all watching the interaction with ease, all of them the sort of gorgeous that made Jake want to go over and flirt, but he could see a ring on the woman’s finger and one of the others was wearing a hat with bride to be written on top of it so he stayed where he was.
“Well now, I would love to, but my friend here is much better at that kinda thing than I am,” Jake said, leaning back on one arm, maybe putting on a bit of a show because while he might not be that kind of asshole, he didn't mind the attention, especially when he was on the good side of drunk. He reached out and slapped at Bradley’s arm. “Oi, Bradshaw.”
“What…huh?” Bradley asked, tearing his gaze away from the phone to look at Jake frowning. “What?”
Jake jerked his head. “My friend here needs a photo and they deserve a lot more than my subpar photo-taking skills.”
Bradley frowned, before seeming to realize that someone else was standing there. “Oh, oh, yeah, sure,” he said, flashing a grin at the woman as he stood up, setting his phone on the small table that held the food along with his sunglasses. “I’d be glad to.”
Jake looked back at her and grinned. “Now there we go. Rooster here knows a lot more about photography than I do.”
The woman raised an eyebrow. “Rooster?”
“Nickname,” Bradley said, waving a hand at Jake as the pair of them started heading toward the rest of the group. “His is asshole.”
“Love you too, darlin’,” Jake called after him, settling back in the lounger, chuckling when Bradley flipped him off as the woman glanced between them before joining Bradley in walking back to the group.
Jake watched as they talked, Bradley waving as he got close to the group, falling into conversation with them with ease. It would be easy to close his eyes, and settle back into sleep but Jake sat up, crossing his legs and reaching for one of the books, opening it to the dog-eared page and trying to read, but he kept getting distracted as he looked over to where Bradley was talking, directing the group and demonstrating something, the woman copying before he started taking photos. Even from the distance, Jake could make out the laughter that followed one of Bradley’s comments and Jake suddenly wanted to know what he was saying, wanting to go over there and stand close to Bradley, be part of the group that seemed to relax the more Bradley talked.
Instead, he stayed where he was, just watching, book forgotten as Bradley talked, making friends the easy way he always did, smiling wide and Jake wondered how fake it was. Because he had known Bradley for a long time, and the man was a lot more outgoing and friendly than Jake, but he had a temper and Jake had always been able to push the buttons so easily so he had always assumed that others were the same. That Bradley could make friends, but only a few stuck around because they could handle his quicksilver moods.
Bradley said something else, and the laughter was loud enough one of the women broke, leaning against her other friend as she fought to control herself. Jake huffed, turning away from the sight and grabbing the bottle of wine, popping the cork and pouring himself a glass, setting the bottle down only to knock Bradley’s phone onto the ground.
Closing his eyes with a deep breath, knowing wine was the worst idea for him right then, but he didn't care as he bent down and picked up the phone, sitting up and taking a sip as he looked for something to clean the screen off, glad it hadn’t landed in water or bounced into the pool.
“Stealing my secrets?”
Jake didn’t flinch, but it was a near thing as he turned to see Bradley walking back, the group back to talking with each other but it wasn’t hard to miss the way a few of them kept looking at them, their eyes lingering.
“You’re an open book,” Jake said, lifting the phone and pressing the small camera icon in the corner. “Nah, figured the photographer needed a photo after all. Can’t let everyone else get the spotlight and stay out of it yourself.”
Bradley shook his head, laughing as he tugged the towel back off and tossed it on the lounger, flipping Jake off even as he took photos, knowing none of them would be good, but it was the thought that counted. Or something like that. He didn’t fight as Bradley leaned over and snatched the phone back. Jake let it go easily, rolling his eyes as Bradley started to return the favor.
“You getting my good side, darlin’?” Jake asked, standing, suddenly feeling warm enough that he needed to go for a dip.
“You know you don’t have a bad side,” Bradley said, shaking his head.
Jake grinned, stepping closer, and even closer when Bradley didn’t move away. “Sayin’ I look good, Rooster?”
“You know you do,” Bradley said, lifting the phone and taking another photo, before finally tossing the camera to the lounger and moving closer, giving Jake a slow once over. “You really need me to tell you?”
“Can’t hurt,” Jake said before he stepped back and gave Bradley a long once-over. “You look good, Rooster, real good.”
“Yeah?”
“You know it,” Jake said, letting himself step close so he could smirk at Bradley, seeing the way his nostrils flared, and his pupils dilated. “Real good even,” he continued, letting his voice go low, drawling before patting Bradley on the chest and walking past to dive into the pool before he did something else stupid like kiss Bradley.
The cool water was a shock to his system, chasing away the heat that came from Rooster’s heavy-lidded gaze, the memory of the trickle of sweat or water trickling down the side of his face, the smug smirk tugging at his mouth or the way his chest felt under Jake’s palm, that brief moment that made Jake shudder even under water. He sat at the bottom for a moment, letting the cool water chase away all the heat before the need for air overtook him and he pushed up, slicking his hair back when he broke the surface and swam over to the edge.
“You practice that often?” Bradley asked, perched on the edge of the lounger, a glass of wine held in his hand, phone in the other.
“What?” Jake asked, folding his arms on the edge and smiling at Bradley.
Bradley rolled his eyes before he flicked his head back, shoving a hand through his hair to make fun of Jake, only to grimace as his fingers caught on something. “Ow.”
“Smooth,” Jake said, watching as Bradley carefully untangled his fingers. Jake wondered what it felt like to grip if there was ever a time when it would be easy to slide fingers through the tangled curls. He thought of Bradley in uniform, hair perfectly pressed, and decided he much preferred this. It made Rooster look more human.
“You know it, babe,” Bradley replied, taking a sip of the wine before he leaned back, stomach flexing as he grabbed something, coming back with the camera.
“What are you doing?” Jake asked, letting himself sink deeper into the water even as Bradley turned the camera on with an easy flick of his thumb and had it pointed at Jake a second later. “Seriously?”
“Hey, you’re the one that knows you look good,” Bradley said.
“You’re worse than Maria,” Jake said, shaking his head as he pushed himself out of the pool, ignoring the way Bradley followed him as he grabbed a towel and started to dry off, wondering if Bradley was actually taking photos or not.
Jake scrubbed the towel over his face and through his hair, dropping it and shaking his head with a laugh when he realized Bradley had stood and was still taking photos, standing close enough now to Jake that he could hear the shuttering of the lense.
“Am I?” Bradley asked.
“Yeah,” Jake said, shrugging. “She loved taking photos, documenting everything. I had more photos of me taken than ever before when we were dating. It was kind of nice honestly, but I still never got used to it.”
“Hmm.” Bradley set the camera down, tilting his head to the side before he shrugged. “Well, can you blame her?” he asked.
“No,” Jake replied, walking past Bradley to grab his own glass of wine, downing half of it in one long swallow.
“You…,” Bradley started only to stop, before sighing when Jake raised an eyebrow at him. “You talk about her like you still love her sometimes. And sure, it sounds like it was good. But was it always?”
Briefly, Jake thought about how he would’ve responded a few weeks ago, before the Mission, if Bradley had said that. But even as he waited, thinking, he couldn’t feel any sort of anger or anything. Instead, there was just the need to think about it.
“I don’t know if I am or not,” Jake said, shrugging. “I thought she was it, you know? And then she wasn’t, and she’s married to someone else now and I still don’t know how the fuck I feel about it. It doesn’t help that she does really feel bad about it, and still tries to include me in everything because she knows I was part of that family long before we dated.”
“Not bad enough she didn’t not cheat,” Bradley pointed out, chin tilted up, stubborn as always.
“She didn’t cheat.”
“No? You said she did.”
Jake had said that. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Technically, she never did. But it always feels like she did because she was able to move on so much quicker than I was. But it was just because she saw the ending long before I did.”
“Her loss,” Bradley replied.
Jake dropped his head and stared at Rooster, raising an eyebrow. “Oh?” he asked, surprised.
Bradley nodded and stepped closer. “You’re actually not bad when you’re not trying to piss me off. You’re funny, caring, hella smart and you know what you want in life. Sure, you’re an asshole, and being competitive is so second nature you don’t even realize you’re doing it half the time. You’re ruthless and motivated and hold everyone to an impossible standard that you also hold yourself to and you make all of us better because of it. But, you’re still a good person. She would’ve been lucky to marry you.”
Despite what people thought, there were a few times in Jake’s life when words failed him. Where he opened his mouth and closed it, trying to find what to say, because it wasn’t the words that struck Jake mute, it was the look on Bradley’s face. It wasn’t angry, it wasn’t pissed off or determined. It was calm, the same small smile tugging at his cheek whenever he was slightly amused at something, sunglasses perched on his nose. He looked normal. Like what he was saying was so commonplace that it wasn’t worth a strong emotion. That that was how he viewed Jake, and it was so out of the blue that Jake had to take a moment before he downed the rest of the wine and set the glass down.
“So, just in case I’m readin—”
Bradley kissed him.
There was a mouth attached to the side of his neck and Jake let his head drop back against the door, not sure if Bradley’s hands were groping him to try and find the key he had said was in his back pocket, or because he had forgotten about the key entirely as soon as he had pressed Jake up against the door. Not that Jake gave a shit, one hand wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle they were halfway through, the other caught in Bradley’s hair, feeling the tangles and knots and he tugged, hearing Bradley groan, felt the camera bang against his knee and he suddenly felt overdressed, clothes clinging to his skin from where they had hurriedly pulled them on so they could leave the pool area before Jake said fuck it to his clean record and tried to jump Bradley in public.
“Key,” he said, eyes closed, even as the hand finally found the pocket in his shorts and shoved inside, feeling them pulled down.
A noise had him opening his eyes, turning to spot two women standing there, staring at the pair of them and Jake could only imagine what they looked like, wrapped up in each other, the intent obvious. The door behind him opened and he would’ve fallen back except Bradley’s arm found his waist and held him steady, walking Jake back into the room. Jake grinned, winking at them just before Bradley slammed the door shut and Jake surged forward, pushing him up against the door this time, pushing into another kiss.
The hand not holding the camera was moving, sliding under his shirt and over his skin, fingers digging and groping, searching and the world felt fever-bright, the alcohol making it feel slow, everything happening in flashes and all he could do was slide his tongue into Bradley’s mouth, feel the prickle of the beard against his mouth, and he pushed forward, feeling thighs part, pressing against his hips as he raised his hand, forgotten about the bottle until he smacked Bradley in the face with it.
Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to break them apart, laughing, breathless. Bradley reached out, pressing a hand against his chest and Jake let himself get walked back until he felt one of the beds against his knees he sat, staring up at Bradley who was watching him, chewing on his bottom lip, eyes half-lidded and dark in the unlit room. Jake just smirked, leaning back, feeling his shirt slide open more where he hadn’t done it up, and lifted the bottle of wine to his lips and took a long swallow, not breaking Bradley’s gaze, watching as his tongue darted out, wetting his bottom lip.
He watched as Bradley lifted the camera, and Jake shook his head. “Nuh-uh, darlin’,” Jake said, grinning, jerking his head to the side.
“Shame,” Bradley replied, not fighting as he stepped back and set the camera down on the table before he was back, crawling into Jake’s lap and grabbing the mostly empty bottle, finishing it off in a long pull that had Jake leaning forward, nuzzling at his throat, scraping his teeth over his jaw, biting down, hearing Bradley groan as he dropped his head.
The bottle dropped somewhere, a thud that almost had Jake standing to make sure it didn’t spill but hands cupped his face and tilted his head up for another kiss. Jake pressed into it, chasing the tannins in Bradley’s mouth, the sweetness from the fruit they had finished off even as his hands slid up Bradley’s chest and over his arms, taking his shirt with the motion, leaving Bradley shirtless in his lap.
He felt hands tug at his own shirt before he could touch the expanse of skin and he let Bradley push it off, the kiss a constant push and pull, the same way their relationship always was. Bradley pushed forward, only for Jake to fight back and Bradley would pull away, only to push forward again, neither side giving in, but neither side giving up either. It was heady, and he could feel his pulse thump in time with the pounding in his head as he finally broke away, gasping for air only to set his teeth into Bradley’s collarbone, over the spray of freckles that had teased him earlier, fading along his pectoral just before his nipple. A starburst that guided Jake where he wanted to go, taking the small bud into his mouth and tugging with his teeth, hearing and feeling the deep groan Bradley let out, fingers gripping the back of his neck before sliding up into his hair and tugging his head back.
Jake let his head be pulled back, the dull ache on his scalp making him groan as he met Bradley’s face, the sudden stillness making their panting seem twice as loud. They stared at each other, Jake searching for something, but he was too drunk to know what, and it seemed like Bradley was as well before he was being kissed again, Bradley sliding to stand and while it hadn’t been slow before, everything suddenly seemed urgent as Jake stood, teeth clacking against Bradley’s, unwilling to break the kiss as they both stripped out of their clothes until arms wrapped around his waist and grabbed his ass, yanking him close and he went.
It was all teeth and tongue, cocks sliding against each other and all Jake could think about was how good it felt, how good Bradley tasted, and how oxygen was overrated in favor of learning the shape of Bradley’s teeth. The kiss broke, and he felt a cheek rub against his own before he felt a smile against his own a split second before he was shoved back, tripping onto the bed.
“Asshole,” Jake said, landing with a huff but he went, shifting back before he turned to crawl to the top, feeling the bed dip a second before a body draped over him, an arm wrapped around his waist and a mouth found the side of his neck again.
He groaned, dropping his head, letting Bradley have access as teeth slid across his neck, Bradley’s cock a hard line against his ass, and all Jake could do at that moment was spread his knees and arch his back, his arms folding until his chest was on the bed, feeling Bradley’s cock settle between his cheeks, teasing the sensitive skin there.
“Fuck,” Bradley said, a hand curling around his hip, the other resting in the middle of Jake’s back, not holding him now, but bracing himself, hips grinding against Jake’s ass, balls tapping against Jake’s. “Fuck, baby. Sure I can’t take a photo?”
The words were whispered, reverent, and maybe Jake was a little past drunk because he considered it before he shook his head, pushing his hips back, suddenly wishing he had lube, condoms, something just so he could get Bradley to fuck him the way he suddenly wanted to be fucked. Locked in this room, just the two of them, apart from the world they knew, and it was just them. The culmination of whatever it was they had been doing since the trip started. It felt right.
“No,” Jake said, before he rolled his hips back and looked over his shoulder, Bradley suddenly seemed huge, his torso blocking half the light streaming in from outside, casting his face in shadow, but Jake could make out the open mouth, and he pushed back, sitting up and back until he was sitting on Bradley’s thighs, the arm around his waist tightening.
He turned his head, pushing into a kiss that was already waiting for him, grabbing Bradley’s arm and pushing it down until their hands wrapped around his cock and he groaned, feeling Bradley’s hand tighten, fingers threading with his own as they started to jerk him off. He could feel Bradley’s cock still sliding against his hole as he ground his hips back, the dual sensation making him gasp.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking pretty,” Bradley said, his free arm wrapping around Jake’s chest, holding him steady, keeping them together as Jake worked his hips between their hands and Bradley’s cock, grinding back and forth.
“Not so bad yourself,” Jake said, opening his eyes, grinning with pure joy, seeing the lust written onto Bradley’s face and he rubbed his cheek against the other man’s, feeling the stubble scratch as his own few day's beard and it made him shudder, stomach clenching down.
“C’mon,” Jake groaned, tightening his hand, and Bradley got the hint, beginning to speed his hand up, Jake’s just along for the ride now as they jerked him off.
He dropped his head back against Bradley’s shoulder, a mouth finding his neck again and biting down, teeth working and the words were there, telling Bradley not to leave a mark but he settled for groaning, fucking his hips forward as pleasure crested up and lingered, and he wanted to come, he wanted to let it all out but it wasn’t enough and he was gasping, almost bouncing in Bradley’s lap as he tried to get himself off. The hand on his chest tightened, fingers digging into his chest and he groaned at the ache that followed, only to fucking whimper when the hand let go, only for a sharp cry to fly out of his mouth when Bradley’s clever fucking fingers found his nipple and pinched, the sharp pain clearing his mind just as Bradley twisted their hands on the upstroke, the added sensation sending Jake flying over the edge as he curled forward with a cry, face pressed into the bedsheets as his body shuddered as Bradley kept moving his hand, Jake’s hands dropping away to curl into the sheets.
It felt like it went on forever, until his stomach was cramping and he was panting, open-mouthed and woozy from a lack of oxygen and all he could think about was the hard line still against his ass.
He turned his head, arching his back, letting his knees slide wider on the too many thread count sheets. “C’mon, darlin,” Jake said, hearing how slurred he was but it was all Bradley needed to jerk his hips up higher, rutting against his ass, the head of his cock catching Jake’s hole and he wanted more, wanted Bradley to sink into him, fuck him until he could feel it for days after.
Fingers gripped his hips, digging in hard enough Jake was surprised there weren’t already bruises forming black and blue on his skin but he stayed where he was, grinding back as best as he could. “C’mon, darlin. Come on, you can do it,” Jake said, goading, encouraging, he didn’t know what the fuck the was doing but he wanted Bradley to come, he wanted to hear the knowledge that Jake got him there, wanted to feel it.
“Know you want to come all over my back, c’mon. I want you to. C’mon, baby, mess me up.”
Bradley made a punched out noise as he came, come spilling over Jake’s ass and his back, feeling the come land and begin to slide across his sweat-slicked back Jake grinned, feeling good as Bradley hunched over him, one hand still gripping his hip, the other one planted on the bed.
“Good work,” Jake said, reaching back and patting Bradley’s thigh, hearing the almost pained-sounding groan in reply.
“Oh my god,” Bradley said, fingers slowly letting go like his hands had forgotten how to do anything other than grip Jake’s hip. “Oh my fucking god.”
“Uh huh,” Jake said, bracing his elbows on the bed so he could pull his legs closer, letting him shift until he could collapse against the pillows, curling his arms around them, uncaring of the mess for the moment. “A fuckin’ plus.”
The bed shifted as Bradley crawled up, collapsing next to him, shoulder pressed against his and Jake turned his head, taking in Bradley’s profile, the open mouth panting and he grinned, smug as he shifted to get more comfortable, closing his eyes, figuring he could take a well-deserved nap and then shower before they grabbed dinner.
There was a pounding in Bradley’s head when he woke up, sunlight hitting his face and making him throw an arm over his face, groaning when that motion jostled him and made him feel two seconds from throwing up. He hadn’t been drunk enough to forget the night before, any of it. And it was hard to keep the moment from streaking through his mind, the way Jake tasted, the way he felt, the way he looked, chest pressed against the bed, round ass up and open and all Bradley had wanted to do was bite and lick and he settled for rutting against his ass, graceless but the memory of Jake asking Bradley to come across his back would live in his mind forever.
He was aware Jake was still in the bed next to him, Bradley’s leg hooked over one of his and he swallowed a few times, trying to get some moisture in his mouth before he moved his arm and turned his head, only opening his eyes when the sunlight was behind him.
They had forgotten to close the curtains, and the way the light dappled the expanse of Jake’s back made him want to grab his camera and immortalize his memory so it was one he never forgot. But he stayed where he was, eyes tracing over skin, feeling heat bloom in his cheeks when he spotted the dried jizz on Jake’s back. He reached out a hand, suddenly feeling the need to clean him up, many, many hours too late but he stopped himself, bending his elbow to rest the back of his hand between Jake’s shoulders, feeling the man tense before he relaxed again.
“You feel as good as I do?” Bradley asked, voice rough and almost too loud.
Jake grunted.
“Yeah,” Bradley replied, looking back up at the ceiling but not moving his hand back, trying to give his brain some time to sort out all the thoughts and there were so many he suddenly felt paralyzed by it. “Fuck.”
That had Jake snorting. “Yes, we did.”
“Yeah,” Bradley said, looking at the mess on Jake’s back and finally moving his hand, dragging a knuckle over the smooth line of his spine and through the mess.
“You came on all over my back,” Jake said, still not looking at him.
He sounded accusatory, but it just made Bradley chuckle as he groaned and shifted, pushing his hands into the bed until he could scoot himself back so he could sit. He let his head drop back against the headboard, his eyes sliding shut again because it really was fucking bright.
“C’mon, I know you want to, I want you to. Mess me up,” Bradley said, repeating what Jake had said the night before.
Jake was silent long enough Bradley opened his eyes again and turned, wondering if the flush he could see on Jake’s neck was sunburn or embarrassment. He opened his mouth to ask before some part of his mind told him to shut up, and for once, he listened.
Finally Jake hummed. “Suppose I did say that. What of it?”
He sounded weird. More formal than Bradley had heard in a while and it set him on edge. “Fuck. Why are we so hungover?” Bradley asked, wondering if a topic change would help.
“We didn’t eat breakfast, and sure we had lunch on the train but it was with a lot of wine. Shared the bottle of rose before the pool, and then had more wine at the pool, and I don’t really think a charcuterie plate and some fruit was enough good. And I don’t know about you but I definitely didn’t drink enough water,” Jake said.
Bradley could see the way his shoulders were tensing, and he settled for humming in agreement, wanting to reach out and trace the shifting muscles but then Jake was moving, sitting up and still not facing him. Bradley opened his mouth, reaching for his shoulder, only to drop it when Jake reached forward and grabbed the phone, dialing something and Bradley settled into silence.
“Hi, yeah. This is Seresin in Room 201, I was wondering if we could extend our stay one more night?” Jake asked, dropping his head into his hands, the curve of his back and neck looking so vulnerable, the sheets bunched up around him making him seem like something out of a dream, something untouchable.
Bradley clenched his fist and pulled it close, pulling his knees up as if that would help protect him from this awkward, strained silence. Jake was silent, his shoulders moving and his head bobbing as he nodded along to something.
“Yeah, yeah that’s fine,” Jake said, voice raspy. “Also, could you transfer me to room service? Thanks.”
Another beat of silence and Bradley closed his eyes, his mind beginning to spin out a thousand ways this was now ruined. This friendship that had been forming, had been turning into something new that he didn’t know how to define. Kissing Jake hadn’t been in the plans, hell, Jake, hadn’t been in the plans. This whole thing hadn’t been in the plans and it had been fine before this, but now Bradley couldn’t help but feel like change was coming, and he didn’t know what the fuck was going to happen.
“Hi, yeah. Room 201, uh-huh, yeah. Could I get porridge and a carafe of coffee?” Jake asked, reaching out and tapping Bradley’s leg with his hand and he forced his mind away from the spiraling it was in the middle of doing to think.
“Pancakes, and another carafe. Water,” Bradley said, hearing Jake repeat his order.
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks,” Jake said, before he hung up the phone with a groan, dropping his head into his hands.
“One more night?” Bradley asked, turning his head toward the window that led to the balcony and the view of the vines that stretched out as far as he could see, the sun low enough Bradley knew it was barely morning, but it was still morning.
“Fuck getting into a car today,” Jake replied.
That had Bradley snort. “Fuck is right. I won’t be capable of driving by check out anyway.”
Jake made a noise of agreement and the silence settled around them, heavy, in the way it had been at the beginning of the trip. In a way, Bradley hadn’t realized it had changed until that moment. He closed his eyes and swallowed, opening his mouth and closing it a few times before he gave up, not sure what he could say.
“Food’ll be here in twenty,” Jake said before the bed shifted and Bradley turned his head, watching as Jake walked toward the bathroom in shuffling steps and he couldn’t help but trace his eyes over Jake’s back and his ass, staring at the stark tan line, how pale the skin was until the tan faded in along his thighs, the way the muscles in his thighs flexed with each step.
But, the memory of the beach in the middle of the training was still there. All of them stress-thin and working on fumes, enjoying the day for what it was. A break from the oppressive training. He remembered Jake, grinning and tan, as lean as the rest of them and that leanness was gone now. Replaced by a softness, even in the early morning. He could see give in Jake where there hadn’t been give before and it reminded him of the night before.
Of Jake’s grin stretching wide across his face and the surprise in his face right before Bradley had kissed him, wine stripping away rational thought and leaving nothing but want. And he had wanted Jake in that moment and had kissed him, had felt that softness under his fingers as he gripped hips warmed by the sun, felt callused palms slide over his skin before they cupped his face.
The door to the bathroom closed and Bradley heard the shower start up and he shifted back down the bed, pulling the pillow he had been lying on over his face, blocking out the world. He wanted to go back to that moment, trapped in a memory and made hazy by alcohol. And away from whatever the fuck was happening right then.
Two cups of coffee didn’t do anything for his hangover, but the pancakes had helped, even with the closed door, Jake still locked away behind it. The shower had cut out a long time ago, replaced by the sound of the tub running and Bradley stared at the closed door, feeling sticky and gross and he was more awake now, the fleeting emotions brought on by memories, alcohol, and good sex were fading, settling down now that it felt like his mind was working properly but he still didn't know what to make of what had happened.
He wanted a shower.
It only took a second for him to decide, wanting to get away from the tip-toeing they had been doing around each other that morning and move into something resembling the easy friendship they had fallen into. The last thing Bradley wanted to do was start an argument, knowing full well how bad their arguments could get.
He downed the last of the coffee in his cup and stood, setting the cup down and walking over to the bathroom door, knocking on it.
There was a grunt that Bradley couldn’t decide meant fuck off or something else and he ignored it as he opened the door and leaned against the doorframe, taking in Jake, chest deep in a tub that he easily fit in, arms spread on either side and legs stretched out all the way. It was deep, half set into the floor and the steam that filled the room smelled vaguely floral, soothing. His head was tilted back, eyes closed, cheeks shaved clean and hair slicked back.
“Foods here,” Bradley said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Has been for a bit. Porridge is congealing.”
“Perks of porridge, all you need to do is reheat it,” Jake said, not opening his eyes.
“True,” Bradley capitulated before the siren call of the shower was too much and he dropped the robe he had pulled on when the food had been delivered and walked over, intent on washing and leaving Jake alone.
He half expected some comment as he stepped into the cubicle, feeling the warmth in the tiles from Jake’s shower still lingering under his feet as he turned it on as hot as he could handle it and stepped under, tilting his head back and letting the water wash away the previous day, send it tumbling down the drain. He stood there for a moment before he groaned, grabbing the little bottle of hotel shampoo and conditioner, wishing he had the energy to grab his comb but he settled for dumping the rest of the bottle on his head and beginning to detangle his hair, chlorine, and wind making a mess of it.
It took a moment, the shower fogging up so he felt like he was alone in the room, but when he washed it all out he felt worlds better than he had been before, clear-headed. The coffee working its way through his system and he knew he still needed to eat more, drink a lot more water, and maybe drive somewhere and get a Gatorade or ten but he more or less felt human.
He shut the shower off and got out, grabbing a towel and scrubbing it over his face and down, rolling his neck as he opened his eyes, pausing when he caught Jake staring at him from beneath half-lidded eyes, expression unreadable. Bradley met his eyes, raising his eyebrow, asking a silent question but Jake just closed both of his, face still unreadable.
Bradley stood stock still, staring at Jake in the tub and the way he was relaxing even though Bradley, now at least, could see the very real way Jake wasn’t relaxed. The whites of his knuckles, the way his shoulders were pulled down from his ears, his posture probably as perfect as it was in uniform. Bradley was moving before he thought about why, walking over and stepping into the tub, watching as Jake’s eyes flashed open.
“What the fuck are you doing, Rooster?”
Rooster. It felt like a slap to the face, a wall coming down between them and Bradley shrugged as he pulled the other leg in, never one to back down from Jake. Even then.
“Big enough for two,” Bradley replied, sitting down, bracing his hands on the tub’s rim so he could move slowly, give Jake enough time to move his legs to the side and he did. He settled down, feeling Jake’s feet dig into his side as he shifted, leaning back against the opposite side, stretching his legs out, the two of them shifting until they were both in it, staring at each other from opposite sides of the tub. His legs were pressed up against each other, and Bradley could feel the tension in Jake's thigh, the way his body was stock still, unmoving, even with the water's buoyancy.
“Just cuz it’s big enough for two doesn’t mean two should be in it. Kinda weird,” Jake said, his Hangman’s smile back on his face but Bradley could see the tension behind it now because he knew Jake better than he had ever known Hangman.
“We had sex,” Bradley said, going for blunt and knowing it was the right choice when the smile dropped in favor of something else. “I jerked you off and then came all across your back. I think we can share a tub.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Classy.”
“Pretend it’s a hot tub?” Bradley suggested, wriggling to get comfortable and letting out a sigh of happiness. Perhaps he had gotten in because he was trying to piss Jake off, but it also felt good. He closed his eyes and let his head tilt back.
“Dicks out hot tub?”
“Saves the swimsuit,” Bradley replied, half expecting Jake to have another witty comeback, but he was silent.
The silence between them was different. Charged, but not the sort that preceded an argument, at least Bradley didn’t think so. But it wasn’t the same as it had been. The night before felt almost inevitable now that Bradley thought about it, and it had felt right. But in the light of day, Bradley was second-guessing everything.
“So, what’s the plan here?” Jake asked, breaking the silence.
Bradley didn’t lift his head, suddenly afraid to see what was on his face. See what version of Jake was showing up.
“Figure it out tomorrow?” Bradley offered, not in the right headspace to be making any sort of plans.
“Tomorrow?” Jake repeated.
“Yeah.”
Silence again, and then a foot nudged against his hip and Bradley finally opened his eyes, and lifted his head to see Jake had closed his eyes, head tilted back but he had sunk down, shoulders relaxing. He waited, wondering if Jake had wanted his attention, or if it had been a mistake, but he got no indication, and Bradley didn’t know what else to do. He bit back a sigh and nodded, settling in to relax some more.
Bradley couldn’t help it after a few moments, tapping his foot against Jake’s side, a silent return in case Jake had been reaching out for something. Silence, and then Jake sighed, a soft noise but Bradley could feel some of the tension leak out of Jake’s body where their legs were pressed against each other and he let go of the tension he was also feeling, sinking deeper into the water, feeling the heat sink into his bones and it felt good.
“Yeah,” he echoed, the word hanging in the air, and this time, he just got silence back.
They could figure it out tomorrow.
Notes:
insert-elmo-on-fire-gif :)
Chapter 9
Notes:
thisssss is the chapter ive been waiting to write ahhh im so excited to share it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There was a heavy silence between them as Bradley sat in the chair across from Jake, the two of them silent in the tiny laundromat they had found close to the hotel. The same silence that had continued from that morning when they had finally stumbled from the bathtub and had cleaned the room up as best as they could before the room service arrived. Bradley had blushed anytime he had looked at the bed, thinking about the night before, and even now he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks and he forced his mind away from it.
But it was a different silence this time, almost anticipatory but Bradley didn’t know for what. His mind kept spinning, thinking about all the different things it could be, each compounded by the fact that it wasn’t tomorrow and they had said they’d talk about the previous night tomorrow. But tomorrow was looking very, very far away and Bradley didn’t like the silence. Once upon a time, he would’ve welcomed it whenever Jake was around, but that was before, and this was now.
He opened his mouth, only to close it, and look back down at his phone with a sigh. He was, for the first time in a few days, actually fully checking his messages, and replying to people. Texts, voice messages, voice mails, birthdays, announcements, comments on Instagram, a few random Facebook friends or various other social media he had been on throughout the years, friends scattered all through his phone the same way his life was scattered around the world. It was what he was used to, keeping up through a phone screen and he had always been good at it. But the past few days he had found himself reaching for it less and less except to take photos when he didn’t have his camera. He didn’t know what to make of it.
With a sigh, he finished tapping out a reply to a bachelor party invitation for an old college friend, not sure where he would be but he’d be willing to go if he could make it. Daniel had been his first college roommate, and life had taken them in different directions, but the friendship was still there.
He looked up again in time to see Jake look down at the book he was reading, the one he had gotten about the Queen Mary, the cover now stained with wine and edges crinkled from the water from where their suits had landed on it the night before. He opened his mouth to ask how the book was, but closed it, choosing silence again.
Sighing, he felt his phone buzz and he looked down to see Daniel’s reply, a thumbs-up emoji just as a series of texts came in from Mav. For lack of anything else, Bradley opened them, smiling when the photos finished loading and he was greeted by a couple of shitty photos from Hondo’s wedding. The quality was shit, but even then, Bradley could see how happy Hondo looked with his wife. There were photos of Hondo and Mav, Mav and a few others he clearly knew well, one of him and Penny, looking happier than Bradley expected. They were the sort of photos that spoke to a happy life, despite the amount of loss Mav had experienced. The sort of life Bradley had dragged back around himself, time and time again because he deserved to be happy, no matter what life kept throwing at him.
He kept scrolling through the photos before another one of Mav and Penny caught his eye and he leaned in, raising an eyebrow.
Me: do you have gray hair?
Mav: recently…I’m blaming all the daggers…
Me: u and cyclone can match
Mav: He’s here…I’ll tell him?
Me: MAV
Mav: …lol
Me: Good wedding then?
A text from Nat rolled in and Bradley switched to it, reading the rambling nonsense that Nat needed to get out to save her sanity as she spent more time with her Mom, shooting her a thumbs up and a reminder that she only had two more days before her and Bob were going to go somewhere else. Where? Bradley didn’t know and he refrained from commenting about a romantic getaway, especially with the memory of the night before, in an overpriced, luxurious room fresh on his mind.
He was also saving the comment for the right time.
Sighing, Bradley looked up, catching Jake’s eye and raising an eyebrow, wondering if Jake would break the silence. Jake just looked down at his book, turning the page. Bradley sighed and slouched down in his seat, stretching his legs out, crossing them at the ankle and the laundromat was small enough that if he wanted, he could kick Jake’s ankle.
Except, Jake shifted, crossing one leg over the other, moving them out of reach. Bradley dropped his head back with a not so quiet sigh, wondering if starting an argument would be better than this.
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Bradley asked, needing to fill the silence because he missed talking to Jake, and he wondered when that had become something he would miss.
“Not a clue,” Jake replied, voice bored and emotionless even as he kept reading. Bradley wanted to find the spark notes for the book and figure out if he was actually reading or not.
“Any ideas?” he asked, wondering if there was something in Jake’s never-ending notes that would help.
Jake shook his head, turning the page again and either there was a photo or Jake wasn’t actually reading. “None.”
“Cool,” Bradley said, dropping his head back and staring up at the water-stained ceiling.
“Weren’t you the one that had something north you wanted to go to?”
It wasn’t much, but the fact that Jake was speaking first felt like an olive branch and Bradley lifted his head to look at Jake who had closed his book, one finger marking the page as he watched Bradley with a steady gaze. He looked tired, the same way Bradley felt tired. The lingering edges of the hangover were still there and would be until Bradley went to bed that night, no longer able to deal with a hangover as well as he had a decade ago. They were both in their last pairs of clean clothing, Bradley in an old shirt, the collar half ripped, and a pair of jeans he had turned into shorts during one heat wave in San Diego a few years ago. Jake was in a pair of running shorts and the sweater he had gotten at Disneyland.
“It’s a bit of a drive if we don’t stop,” Bradley said, tearing his eyes away from the line of muscle on Jake’s thigh, a flash memory of the way they felt under his hands the night before making him want to blush. “We’ve been meandering so far.”
Jake nodded, fingers tapping the cover of his book before he stood with a sigh. “Meandering is good,” he said before he left, walking to the front of the shop.
They were the only ones in there, the single worker having disappeared into the back a few seconds after they arrived. The only sound was the thud of the machines and the traffic outside. Bradley watched as Jake stopped by the display of brochures, the fronts a colorful array meant to draw the eye. Backlit by the early afternoon sun streaming through the windows and warming the small room up, the silence that kept falling between them, Jake looked like the stranger he hadn’t truly been at the start of the trip. Like their friendship was something that belonged in a childish dream and not something that had been easily dashed against the ground after one drunken hook up.
Nat liked to tell him he was prone to dramatics sometimes and would drag him out of it, and he wished she was there now, to drag him away from the feeling that whatever they had been starting was done. Lost in a haze of awkwardness that Bradley didn’t know how to broach because he and Jake had never done awkward before. Their relationship had been antagonistic for so long that it made Bradley keep his mouth shut in case they started sliding back. But awkward? It wasn’t their way.
He watched as Jake reached out, plucking a brochure at random and walking back. “Here we go,” Jake said sitting down and handing it over to Bradley. “Next destination.”
Bradley took it and looked down at the cover, raising his eyebrows. “Fort Bragg?”
“California, not North Carolina,” Jake said, shrugging. “Whatever’s on the cover looks interesting enough it’s better than nothing.
Bradley took cover photo, the caption that said nothing more than ‘Glass Beach’ over the photo. A quick Google search told him it was three hours north and getting closer and closer to where he wanted to take Jake and so he settled for nodding.
“Alright, Glass Beach it is.”
“The turn’s coming up.”
Bradley’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, trying not to lose his temper with the slightly sneered comment as he waited a moment before changing lanes for the upcoming exit a split second before the modulated GPS voice told him to. Jake had been doing that for most of the drive, pointing out the turns a moment before the phone did as if he was prone to missing them and it was getting on Bradley’s nerves, but he also knew Jake was doing it on purpose. Trying to rile him up. The same way he had been doing since they had woken up that morning, in their own beds, and had checked out, only to run into a woman who had taken one look at them and blushed, whispering to a friend.
Jake, in turn, had looked away, but Bradley had seen the faint flush on his cheeks and the way he kept touching a mark on the side of his neck that Bradley only half-remembered leaving.
The drive to Disneyland felt so long ago, but Bradley remembered the silence, the way neither of them really knew how to broach a conversation but the silence felt different now. Then, it had been a lack of experience for that new thing between them, but now it was awkward. Bradley could feel his temper fraying as a result because they had never done awkward, and like everything on this trip, it was brand new and Bradley didn’t know what to do.
He took the exit and Bradley let out a soft sigh as the sign for the Glass Beach parking lot appeared. There were a few other cars, but not enough to make it feel busy. Bradley parked, the car barely turned off before Jake was out and heading toward the beach. He watched as Jake paused, taking the time to read the sign at the trailhead, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched, fighting the wind that Bradley could hear from even inside the car. It didn’t take long for Jake to finish reading before, without a glance backward, he began to pick his way down the trail disappearing quickly.
Bradley let out a groan as he dropped his head back, closing his eyes and banging his head on the seat as he took a few moments to calm down, to rein his temper in because he knew that losing it right then would be the worst thing he could do.
Bradley considered Jake a friend, a fact that would’ve blown his mind a few short weeks ago, but it was new and fragile and there was something else lingering at the edges. Neither of them had been drunk enough to make a truly bad decision, so there had to be something there, but Bradley hadn’t been expecting that and so he didn’t know what to do, but he did know that he didn’t want to make things worse. He wanted to be Jake’s friend; he knew that much at least.
“Alright, Bradshaw, let’s get a move on,” Bradley muttered, opening his eyes and sighing as he got out of the car, snagging his camera and locking up before beginning to make his way to the beach.
He paused at the top of the trail, looking down at the people there, easily spotting Jake standing near the shoreline, hands in the pockets of his jacket and staring out at the ocean. It wasn’t far down, close enough Bradley could make out the frown on Jake’s face when he turned his head, looking toward something. And despite the other people on the beach, Jake looked lonely, his hair blowing in the wind, long enough it had to be out of regulations, not that Bradley had any ground to stand on.
Neither of them really looked much like they were military right then. That life felt so distant right then Bradley was a little afraid for when they’d finally get summons to get back to base so they could return to active duty.
Bradley watched as Jake turned, looking up at him, and Bradley could see the frown fade, smoothing out for a second before Jake jerked his chin up at him, a useless gesture because Bradley didn’t know what he was asking. Was he saying hello, hurry up, or some convoluted fuck off that only made sense in his mind.
Instead of trying to figure it out, he raised the camera and took a photo, catching Jake mid-eye roll as he turned, showing Bradley his back again. He took a few more before he began to pick his way down the hill until he made it to the beach and focused on taking photos instead of catching up to Jake like he would’ve done two days ago.
The only thing he had known about Glass Beach was the name, and Bradley felt like beach was being too generous. It was, at most, a cove, tucked away between two outcroppings of rock, the ocean crashing against the shore with enough force that Bradley knew swimming would be dangerous. It was gorgeous in a very different way than San Diego was, with its almost constant bright sun and gentle waves when they were out at Coronado Beach. Bradley knew the safety was often an illusion, but here? With the crashing waves and the wind whipping around them, cutting through Bradley’s shirt and making him wish he had grabbed a jacket, it was obvious. There was no illusion here, no pretend sort of safety, it was what it was. A harsh reality and the stark contrast between the waves, rocks, and rolling dark clouds made him take more and more photos.
He made it to the shoreline, Jake a few yards away, hands in his pockets and body turned away from Bradley again, the fuck off evident in every line of his body and Bradley wasn’t going to rock the boat. Not when they would be stuck in the car together for the four hours or so it would take to get to where Bradley wanted to go. Four hours in a car with Jake would be fine, it would be. They would be fine.
Telling himself it was going to be fine made him less and less inclined to believe the obvious lie. Biting back another sigh, he turned to look at the beach and the small clusters of people, bending and pointing at something on the crouch, laughter carrying on the wind. Curious, Bradley looked down before he tilted his head to the side and crouched.
He reached out, sliding his hand through the small rocks, and picked it up, staring at the handful of colored glass and the few pieces of what looked almost like pottery to him. He tilted his head to the side before he grinned, the name finally clicking as he stood, letting some of the pieces slide out of his hand until he had the few he wanted before wandering to where Jake was standing.
“Glass beach,” he said when he got close to Jake, getting his attention as he held out the small bits of glass and pottery.
The unimpressed look on Jake’s face was one Bradley was well acquainted with, but it hadn’t bothered him in a long time, and it still didn’t then.
“Yeah,” Jake said slowly, like Bradley was being the idiot.
“It didn’t click,” Bradley said, rolling his eyes this time as he let the handful drop to the ground and crouched, beginning to take photos, taking the time to make sure his camera would focus on everything, catching the light as best as he could as the day steadily got more and more overcast.
“I gave you the brochure,” Jake said, slower, as if that would help.
“Didn’t read it,” Bradley said, turning his head and squinting up at Jake, trying to figure out what expression was on his face. “Figured you’d tell me anything important.”
“Why?” Jake demanded, hands on his hips.
Bradley stood up, taking in the blank face, and shrugged. “Not like we’re doing much planning. Someone has an idea, and we go,” he said, shrugging again. “Hasn’t really been a need for questions before this, so why change what was working?”
It was as unplanned as anything, the sort of freedom that some of Bradley’s college friends had done, but Bradley’s goal had been the Navy for so long that he didn’t have time for that sort of thing in the summers. He didn’t regret it, he loved flying, and he was excited to get back up in the air, but the Mission had healed something for him, and he could feel a lightness he hadn’t felt before. The future was wide open.
“Is it working?” Jake demanded, arms crossed, looking at Bradley as if he was expecting something, but Bradley didn’t know what he was looking for so he settled for shrugging.
“So far, yeah?” Bradley said. “I mean, we’re friends now so why fuck with what’s working?”
That seemed to be the wrong answer as Jake nodded his head once before he turned and began to pick his way down the beach, hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders hunched. Bradley wondered if he was trying to block the wind or something else, but he didn’t know what the something else could be. With the jagged edges of the cliffs, and the overcast sky, Jake almost seemed like he was on an alien planet, and Bradley couldn’t help but take another photo as he deposited the handful of stones into his pocket for later.
He stayed there, looking down at the camera screen, looking at the photos of Jake and replaying the conversation in his mind again and again, wondering what Jake was even looking for. Bradley had been telling the truth. They hadn’t planned anything, and it was working. This trip had taken the edges of the relationship and softened them, turning them into a friendship against all odds, and aside from the one night—
“Excuse me?”
Bradley lifted his head; his thoughts scattering like the wind and met the eyes of a woman with bright blue hair and flower rimmed sunglasses. “Hi?” he said.
“Sorry to bother you, but would you mind taking a photo of me and my wife?” she asked, holding out a camera that looked like Bradley’s. “I feel like you might know what to do with this.”
Bradley chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, I have a little experience,” he said, letting his own drop in favor of taking her camera and spending a few moments looking at it. It wasn’t the exact same as his, but it was close enough he wasn’t worried. “Where do you want them?”
“I’m Sierra, and along the shoreline? I love this coast,” Sierra said waving a hand. “It’s so rugged, and even though there’s all of us here, it still feels untamed, you know?
“Bradley, and I get it,” he said, glancing at the sea stack sitting in the middle of the cay. “Kinda nice to see. I’m used to San Diego, we don’t have a lot like this.”
“San Diego is a ways away,” Sierra said, wrapping an arm around her wife’s waist when she got closer. “Any reason?”
“Just a road trip,” Bradley said, shrugging.
“How fun,” Sierra’s wife said, sticking out her hand. “I’m Audrey.”
Bradley shook it. “Bradley,” he repeated before he glanced behind him and backed up a few steps, smiling at both of them. “Alright, smile.”
Sierra and Audrey wrapped their arms around each other, smiling with the sort of joy that spoke to a long and happy relationship. The sort of smile that Bradley was used to seeing on the old polaroid he had of his parents, the two of them wrapped up in their own world. It was beautiful each time Bradley saw it and he took a few more photos, directing them this way and that, years of experience making it easy, and Sierra and Audrey started to get into it, laughing, hamming it up until they were holding each other up as they caught their breath from laughter.
“Fuck,” Sierra said, shaking her head as she finally got her breath back, turning and kissing Audrey and Bradley took one more photo, the joy and happiness in their face almost hard to look at for some reason.
“There you go,” Bradley said, looking down at the camera so he could ignore the feeling in his chest. He swallowed and looked up with a smile, handing the camera back as Sierra walked back, one hand curled with Audrey’s.
“Thank you,” Sierra said, heartfelt and intense. “Just you on this trip?”
Bradley shook his head, looking around and finally spotting Jake heading back up the hill. “Uh, no. I’m with my friend,” he said, jerking his thumb toward where Jake was.
“Where you guys headed now?” Audrey asked, arm curled with Sierras.
“Good question,” Bradley said, laughing as he shook his head. “We’ve got no plans. I wanna go north, he’s a big fan of forests and so we’re gonna head towards the Giants since he’s never seen them but aside from that, no plans.”
“Ohh,” Audrey said, clapping her hands before holding them out. “Okay, so. It’s about two hours North? And difficult to get to unless you’ve got a car with four-wheel drive.”
“Which I do,” Bradley said, thankful for the Bronco suddenly.
“Oh, good. So, it’s called Shady Dell, and it’s part of the Lost Coast Trail. Once you actually get to the parking lot it’s only about ten minutes to walk to where the view is. But to get to the parking lot it’s a single lane unpaved road so it’s up to you, but it’s so worth it once you get there,” Audrey said.
“What’s so special about it?” Bradley asked, interested because it was something.
“Do you want me to tell you? I can? But I’d love for it to be a surprise,” Audrey said, clapping her hands. “I mean, I don’t know you or anything like that, but I can imagine.”
“I don’t mind not knowing,” Bradley said, grinning at the pair of them. “A little adventure sounds good.”
Sierra nodded, beaming at her wife. “Audrey’s right. It’s worth it, trust me.”
Despite the small hike up the hill, Bradley was still cold by the time he made it back to the car, finding Jake leaning against the hood, shoulders hunched up, jacket collar up and chin tucked against his chest. “Hey,” Bradley said, unlocking the car and heading to the trunk so he could grab a sweater, unsurprised when Jake appeared, switching his jacket for a sweatshirt.
“Have fun?” Jake asked, voice blank.
“What?” Bradley replied, a little confused.
“With the…photos?” Jake said, stumbling for a second like he was about to say something else. Bradley wanted to push, wanted to know what Jake had been about to say but the fact that Jake held back made Bradley frown even more.
“Yeah, they just wanted some photos,” Bradley said, waiting until Jake was heading to the passenger side and closing the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat. “Gave me a place to go next if you want.”
“Where?” Jake asked, head turned to look at Bradley.
He had shaved the day before, getting rid of the stubble that had been growing in over the course of the trip, and somehow, it made Jake look younger. Even though this was what Bradley was more used to. The perfectly put together naval officer, with his clean shaved cheeks and hair that was always right where it should be. It didn’t help that Jake had his arms crossed over his chest, shoulders still up. Defensive or cold, Bradley didn’t know, but he turned on the car and cranked the heat regardless, figuring both of them could use a little warming up.
“Shady Dell,” Bradley said. “Heard of it?”
Jake shook his head. “No, what’s there?”
“No clue,” Bradley said, chuckling as he realized how insane it was. “Just know it’s a bit off the beaten path, and worth going to if the car can handle it. No fucking clue what it actually is.”
“So, we’re just going to go? On the whims of some random stranger?” Jake demanded.
“Yeah?” Bradley replied, turning and looking at Jake. “Unless you have a better idea?”
The silence between them was tense, and for a brief moment Bradley wondered if this was it. When the beginnings of their friendship fell apart, and he had to turn the car around and drive them all the way back to San Diego. As that thought was bounced around in his head, Bradley was suddenly glad that no one knew who was on the trip with him. People might ask questions, but he’d be able to wave it off and no one would know any better in the end.
Finally, Jake threw up his hands. “Whatever, Bradshaw. Let’s go,” he said, arms folding again, his head turning to look out the window.
Bradley looked at him for a long moment before he sighed, wishing he knew how to fix whatever was between them, or at least figure out what answer Jake had wanted earlier.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jake said not for the first time as Bradley rounded another corner, the right side of the bronco lifting up and dropping back down as it rolled over what could’ve been a small boulder or a long-buried tree, he didn’t know.
“They weren’t fucking kidding,” Bradley said, slowing down as the road turned again.
The first hour of the trip had been easy, straight up the coast, the ocean getting darker and darker as the skies started to darken with more and more clouds rolling in. They had stopped at a little roadside diner for a quick lunch, the décor as old as the building and the waitress inside chewing gum and popping it like they were an extra in Grease. But the food had been good, the burger one of the best Bradley had had in a while, and even Jake had managed a small smile as he had eaten before they got back on the road.
“How much longer?” Jake asked, one hand gripping the oh shit bar, the other white-knuckling the seat.
“Same as last time you asked, don’t know,” Bradley replied.
They were twenty minutes into the drive and fifteen minutes past a paved road. It had clearly rained at some point, the road slick enough Bradley slowed down even more before he spun out of control, hundreds of miles past where his tow service worked and ten minutes past when the GPS on his phone had given up the ghost, unable to get a signal with the trees stretching up on either side of them. It was a one-way road, and Bradley hoped against hope that no one was there because he didn’t know what he would do if he came across another car.
“Bradshaw!” Jake snapped.
“I see it, keep your panties on,” Bradley said, dropping the gear down to first so he could roll the Bronco up and over what was definitely a log. “It’s fine. The Bronco can handle this.”
“Fuck you,” Jake snapped back, one foot now braced on the dashboard.
Bradley rolled his eyes as he started speeding up again, the road ahead of them open and free of debris for at least a couple hundred yards. He pushed his sunglasses up into his hair, blinking to let his eye adjust to the light as he shifted, getting comfortable in the seat.
“Why are you so worried?” Bradley asked, not bothering to go fast enough to take the car out of second, still a little worried about spinning out.
“I’m not fucking worried, I just think it’s stupid we got a place to go that’s apparently a must see, but it’s off the track like this?” Jake snapped. “Do you even trust those girls? What? You think taking a few photos with them and a five-minute conversation is enough to trust their recommendation?”
Bradley rolled his eyes. “Come on, we ended up at Glass Beach because you grabbed a brochure that had pretty colors on the front.”
“Didn’t see you offering any suggestions,” Jake muttered.
“What is the big fucking deal?” Bradley demanded, glancing over at Jake quickly, taking in the crossed arms and the tight clench to his jaw. “We’re here, it’s apparently must see. Why does it matter aside from that?”
“There is a major difference between what I did, and this,” Jake replied. “Come on, tell me. What the fuck did they really say? I want to know. Because this?”
Even with his eyes on the road, Bradley could see Jake’s arm out of the corner as he threw an arm out.
“This? This is suspect at all hells and you can’t even deny it.”
“Oh, I sure as fuck can deny it,” Bradley replied, feeling his temper begin to fray.
He had spent most of the day fighting against it, all of Jake’s sly little comments, the barbs that he had been ignoring for the sake of his own sanity and the trip, but Jake just hadn’t fucking stopped. He never fucking stopped. He kept going, he kept pushing, and with the added stress of driving a bad road, Bradley was gripping the steering wheel tightly, needing the ache in his knuckles to ground him.
“Why the fuck are we here, Rooster?” Jake demanded. “Of all the fucking places we could’ve gone, why here? We don’t even know where here is, do you? So, we’re just driving along a fucking road that belongs in a horror movie, with half a tank of gas because we haven’t passed a gas station since we left Fort Bragg, on a fucking whim because you talked to some girls.”
“Who cares?” Bradley replied, hating that he couldn’t refute some of Jake’s argument because he really didn’t know where they were going. “They were nice!”
“You knew them for five minutes. How can you know?”
“By having a little fucking faith in humanity!”
Jake scoffed and Bradley’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he turned another corner and the forest faded into open air, hills on either side of them, the dirt path they were on going around the side of the fucking mountain. He could make out the ocean on his side, but there was a long drop between him and the beach below, with trees between them.
“I don’t really feel like there’s a lot of humanity worth having faith in, certainly not two random fucking people we met on a beach.”
“What fucking we are we talking about?” Bradley demanded. “You kept fucking off! You could’ve come over, talked to them like a decent human being instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a five year old.”
“I wasn’t throwing a fucking temper tantrum, asshole,” Jake replied. “We went to the beach. It was a beach. There was some glass we weren’t allowed to take and then we left. What else was there to do?”
Bradley was suddenly, keenly aware of the glass sitting in his pocket, the few little bits he had grabbed because the green had reminded him of the color of Jake’s eyes but he kept that to himself as he kept driving.
“Enjoy the time,” Bradley replied through gritted teeth. “We’re not in a fucking rush because we don’t have any plans.”
“Aside from getting murdered on this backwater shit hole,” Jake snapped back. “Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?”
Bradley’s temper snapped. “I was thinking that I didn’t want to spend four fucking hours in a goddamn car with you if I could help it so breaking it up any way I could seemed like a good idea.”
The silence was loud.
“Stop the car,” Jake said, voice calm enough that Bradley was sure he almost didn’t hear him.
“What?”
“Stop. The. Car.”
“We’re in the middle of fucking nowhere!”
“Stop the fucking car or I’m getting out either way,” Jake replied.
Bradley slammed on the brakes, the car jerking to a halt easily. It had barely come to rest before the door was opened and Jake got out, the slam making Bradley wince. He turned, watching as Jake started to walk back the way they had come. Bradley threw the car into park and got out, stalking after Jake.
“Where the fuck are you going?” he yelled at Jake’s retreating back.
Jake turned, spreading his arms wide as he kept walking backward. “You wanted to not be in the car with me. You get your wish.”
“Are you fucking stupid?” Bradley demanded, stopping a few feet from the car. “What the fuck are you even thinking you’ll do? It’s not like you’re going to hitchhike. There’s nothing around here.”
“I’ll figure it out,” Jake said, even as he came to a stop, arms dropping to his side.
“Get in the fucking car, Jake,” Bradley replied, taking a step forward, only for Jake to match it as he stepped back. “You’re being childish.”
“Oh, I’m being childish?” Jake replied. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You either want me or you don’t, it’s a fucking easy question.”
“Nothing about you is ever easy, it never has been,” Bradley snapped, wanting to scream and rage as he kept his hands by his side, fists clenched even though for the first time since that fucking day during training he wanted to punch Jake in the face.
“We’ll I’m sorry for having expectations,” Jake said, arms throw out to the side. “Sue me.”
“You’re so fucking…argh!” Bradley said, words failing him as he threw his hands up in the air and moved to stalk back to the car and leave. If Jake wanted to walk back, he could. Bradley had no doubt he could catch back up to him by the time he was done looking at whatever fucking thing they were going to.
He turned, stalking forward and this time, Jake just kept his arms crossed over his chest, smirk firmly in place as if he had expected this. “You are such a fucking asshole,” Bradley said, stopping right in front of Jake. “I don’t know what the fuck you want from me right now.”
Jake scoffed. “Oh, that’s fucking evident don’t you worry.”
“You are a fucking asshole,” Bradley repeated. “I don’t know why I thought you had gotten any better, but you’re the same old fucking Hangman you always have been.”
“Oh, get the fuck over yourself, Rooster,” Jake snapped. “You’re fucking pathetic. You act like you’re the only fucking person who has had it hard. You’re not the only person who’s had to fight for what they’ve got but you always sit there like some sad puppy in window, expecting everyone and everything to cater to you just because you smile in someone’s face and then shit talk them behind it.”
Bradley’s temper was spiking, and he was finding it hard to form words, trying to keep the anger contained. “I never think I’m the only one who’s had to work hard,” he said, teeth gritted, his jaw aching from the tension.
“Bullfucking shit,” Jake said, shaking his head. “Come the fuck on, man. You act like you’re better than me or something but you ain’t. You’re the fucking same as me, the only difference is I don’t smile and make nice with everyone just so I don’t feel alone—”
Bradley was heaving, each breath hurting but he couldn’t form words as Jake just kept fucking talking.
“—you act like the world is out to get you—”
“—no what—”
“—and then when even one little thing goes wrong you fly off the handle and leave all of us to deal with the fallout—”
“—you have no idea—”
“—and then, when it’s all said and done I’m still the bad guy but that’s just always how it is, isn’t it—”
“—what the fuck are you—”
“—just losing your temper—”
“—talking about—”
“—taking it out on me as if I didn’t—”
“—you fucking brought up—”
“—just point out the fucking obvious—”
“—my Dad’s accident—”
“—and then you lost your shit but you only seem to do it with m—”
“—Hangman—”
“—e and why the fuck do I—”
“—Seres—”
“—always get to be the person on the receiving—”
“—Hang—”
“—end of your fucking temper for pointing out—”
“—man—"
“—and how you were putting all of us in dang—”
“SHUT UP!”
The words echoed in the air, feeling as if the entire world went silent as Bradley’s shouted words faded, leaving the two of them standing there, heaving as they glared at each other.
“The fuck did you just say to me?” Jake demanded, mouth twisted into something ugly.
“You always fucking do this,” Bradley snapped, taking a step forward and shoving Jake just so he was doing something other than punching him in the face like he wanted to.
Jake stumbled, eyes wide. “Fucking wha—”
“—push! You always fucking push. You keep pushing and pushing and you never know when to back the fuck off—”
“—because you’re stuck—”
“—and I know my temper is shit, I do—”
“—oh and that’s an excuse—”
“—but I am fucking trying to keep it under control—”
“—this is con—”
“—but you never know when to fucking stop—”
“—trol, seriously?”—”
“—so you keep pushing me at work, here you just nag—”
“—fuck—”
“—nag nag but you’re not my CO—”
“—you it’s—”
“—and I don’t know why I—"
“—because you could be better!”
It was Bradley’s turn to go silent, staring at Jake, his mouth open. “What?”
Before Jake could reply, Bradley felt a drop of something hit his arm and he tilted his head back in time to see the skies open up, rain beginning to pour down because of course it did. Bradley dropped his head, looking at Jake who had both hands on his hips and his head dropped forward, shaking his head.
“What the fuck did you mean?” Bradley asked, unable to let it lie.
Jake waved a hand. “Whatever.”
“No, don’t whatever me. What did you mean?”
Jake lifted his head to look at him. “You could be great,” Jake said, shaking his head, the rain pouring hard enough it was almost difficult to make out Jake’s face. “You realize that right? The way you fly? You could be the best, you just…don’t.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Bradley said, trying to make it make sense in his mind.
“It does matter! You could be better than all of us, the way you fly? Fuck, but you just don’t.”
“So, what, you ride my ass to try and get there? Push and push until I lose my shit?”
“Yeah, because it’s the only way to get you moving! Otherwise you’d be stuck in last place without even realizing you are there!”
“It’s not your decision to make!” Bradley yelled, wanting to step forward and shake Jake.
“You could be amaz—”
“—Jake!”
Jake went quiet and Bradley finally stepped forward, hands up in front of him, needing Jake to listen. “You don’t get to decide that for me. It’s my career, and my choice. I don’t care how good I could be, I need to make that decision for myself,” Bradley said, pressing his hands against his chest, feeling his sweatshirt begin to stick to his skin.
“You’re wastin—”
“—it’s mine to waste,” Bradley said, carefully, cutting Jake off even as he tried to wrap his mind around what Jake thought he was capable of. “It’s my career, if I want to sit in last place this entire time then I’m going to do it, because it’s my career. Not yours.”
Jake was a dog with a bone when he wanted to be, and he never backed down even as he stepped forward, eyes blazing as he stared up at Bradley, hair plastered to his forehead and eyes bright even in the haze from the rain. “You have the potential—”
“—and it’s mine to squander, or to use as I see fit. I…appreciate the attempt,” Bradley said, because in some weird way he now understood Jake and where he was coming from. Even if he hated how Jake had gone about it, but it made sense.
Jake had had no one, the only person he ever had to rely on for so long was himself. And so he pushed himself, dragged himself forward because he didn’t have a soft landing if he failed, or any landing at all. He didn’t have parents, not really, and so Bradley wondered if Jake really even knew how much he had hurt Bradley with that comment. Jake would drag everyone forward, and never look back because it was all he had ever known. But Bradley’s life had been defined by the past, and perhaps it wasn’t the healthiest thing to keep living in the shadows of ghosts, but it was all he knew how to do and maybe one day he’d stop. But he knew it wasn’t going to be then.
“You could be the best without even trying. You made the drop blind when you stopped thinking, you flew the mission and succeeded and you have so much potential to keep moving forward, to be the goal post,” Jake said, stepping forward, getting in Bradley’s space as if that would get his point across. “But you just…don’t.”
Bradley was silent for a long moment, staring at Jake, at the flush on his cheeks, the way his lips were beginning to turn blue as the wind whipped up around them, rain lashing them from every side. They were on the side of a fucking mountain, in the middle of somewhere in Northern California, without service, and having an argument and Bradley felt the last of his anger disappearing like that as he stared at Jake and stepped back, now seeing the anger, the desperation for what it was.
Confusion.
Jake couldn’t understand where Bradley was coming from, not when so much of who Jake was had been tied into being a Naval Aviator. Sure, he had friends, he had been engaged, he had people in his life. Jake had hobbies, interests, but he was still a pilot first in the same way Mav was a pilot first. Bradley, despite his best efforts, had always been too wild to ever really feel like he fit, even though he made himself fit because flying was one of the pure joys in the world and Bradley wanted it so badly his teeth ached sometimes when he was grounded for too long.
“I am happy where I am,” Bradley said, shrugging. “I keep up just fine, and I do get better, despite what you think because you, everyone? We all get better. It’s why we were chosen for that mission. So, I’m keeping up just fine. I don’t need to be the best, Jake. I’m happy where I am.”
With that, he turned and headed back to the car. “Come on, get in and get out of the rain. We need to get to the end of the road so we can turn around.”
“Why’d you kiss me?”
Bradley paused, turning and looking back at Jake, the words sticking in his throat. Jake looked…small. For the first time in knowing Jake, he looked, small, defeated. Exhaustion and confusion were written across his face, expressions Bradley had never seen before, and didn’t know if he wanted to see ever again because it was so far from the Jake he knew Bradley suddenly found himself on unsteady ground.
“What?”
“Kissed me. You kissed me,” Jake said, waving a hand between them before thumbing his chest. “I was going to kiss you, because I wanted to and figured fuck the consequences of that decision I still wanted to, but why did you kiss me?”
Bradley opened his mouth, trying to find the reason. Was it the way Jake looked, swimsuit falling low around his hips, the smile on his face, the softness in the curve of his cheeks from the smile, nose slightly sunburnt and freckles beginning to appear across his face and shoulders from a few days spent in the sun. He had looked so far from Hangman that Bradley had found it hard to reconcile the two, at least until today when the reality that Hangman was never far from Jake had slapped him in the face.
But, it wasn’t just that. And it felt cheap to point all of that out when it felt like Jake was trying to say something else, that maybe there was something more Bradley had been missing.
“I don’t know,” Bradley said finally, the truth because at the end of the day, Bradley didn’t know.
At least, not well enough to give Jake the answer he was clearly looking for.
Jake closed his eyes and tilted his head back, standing still for a moment before he nodded and let out a gusty sigh Bradley could hear even over the rain. “Fine,” he said, dropping his head down and beginning to walk back to the car, shoulders pulled back like he was expecting a blow.
Bradley grabbed his arm before he could finish walking past and Jake stopped, just as the rain stopped as quickly as it had started, leaving them standing in the silence after, the sounds of the forest around them beginning to filter back into the world.
“What?” Jake asked when Bradley still hadn’t said anything.
“I’m sorr—”
“—gonna stop you right there, Rooster,” Jake said. “Ain’t a goddamn thing about the kiss you need to apologize for.”
“I—” Bradley stopped when words failed him.
Jake’s smile was kind, the same smile Bradley saw when people found out about his parents, the one that made Bradley feel like he was about to get patted on the head and told ‘it’s okay’ like that was all that was needed.
“Just don’t do it again,” Jake said, patting Bradley’s arm before tugging out of his grip. “Call me old fashioned, but I generally enjoy kissing a lot more when people know why they’re kissing. So don’t do it again unless you’ve figured it out.”
With that, Jake turned, heading back to the car and getting in the passenger seat, leaving Bradley standing there, staring at the car, soaked to the skin and well aware he was missing something.
The tension in the car was thick enough Jake was sure he could cut it with a knife, especially when Bradley rounded a corner, less than ten minutes after they had started driving again, the road opening up into an empty parking lot with a well maintained trailhead. He wanted to drop his head back and sigh, build a time machine somehow and go back so he could make himself shut up and stop pushing.
Because, as much as it galled him, Bradley had been right. Jake pushed, he always pushed. And then he kept pushing because that was who he was, and Javy, Beth, even Maria, they had all known to tell him to back off when it got to be too much because he had told them to do that. But he never had told Bradley that, because Bradley would push back. Jake wasn’t sure Bradley even knew how much he pushed back, how much he kept up with Jake, toe to toe without even trying and it was galling.
It made Jake want to be better, and he couldn’t understand how Bradley didn’t want to be better.
But, at the end of the day, Bradley had been right. It wasn’t Jake’s decision to make, even if he thought Bradley was so fucking wrong for not wanting to be better, to be the best. Javy had often told him different people had different versions of what the best was, but Jake had never fully understood it, had just nodded and smiled, and this time was no different.
He didn’t understand.
“Come on,” Bradley said, breaking Jake from his thoughts. “It’s a quick walk to…whatever this is.”
This seemed a lot more real now they were parked and staring at proof that Bradley’s…friends, acquaintances, whatever they were, hadn’t been lying and Jake hadn’t picked a fight over nothing. Even if it still didn’t feel like nothing because he couldn’t get that night out of his mind. The way Bradley had felt, pressed up against his back, the way their hands worked Jake over, the bruise on the side of his throat he kept touching just to remind himself it had happened. That they had had sex, drunk as they were, and the next morning had been awkward, but also not. The intimacy of sharing the bathtub had struck Jake mute, but he didn’t know what Bradley was thinking, or why he had done it. And since Bradley didn’t even know why he kissed Jake, he wasn’t going to ask. Minor crush or not, Jake wasn’t willing to throw himself against that wall.
“Yeah,” Jake said finally, wishing he had another sweater he could switch out for something warmer, feeling goosebumps all along his skin but he didn’t trust the skies not to open up again and he didn’t want to get more clothes wet.
The women had been right, the walk was short, the path well maintained despite nothing else being that way and it was pretty easy to figure out what they had been sent to find as they rounded a corner and twisted trees rose up above them, trunks bent, turning the branches into fingers that seemed to be holding up the skies. It was quiet, the sound of rain dripping onto the ground and through leaves, the soft call of birds from a distance. It felt like Jake had walked into some graveyard of Old Gods, forgotten in the wilds of Northern California,
Words felt cheap.
He turned his head, looking at Bradley who had his head tilted back, hair beginning to dry wild, his shirt sticking to his shoulders and chest. He watched as Bradley began to smile, the joy stretching across his face as he raised the camera and began to take photos, not even bothering to check as the lens began to move, trying to capture what was around them. Jake looked back at the trees, taking them in, the way he suddenly felt small, like he was somewhat out of time and place.
He crossed his arms over his chest, fingers pinching the sodden material of his sweatshirt, rubbing it between his fingers as he let himself breathe for what felt like the first time the morning before. He didn’t know what was happening, he didn’t know what he and Bradley were to each other anymore, but he knew he didn’t want to argue like they had before. Before, when he hadn’t had to listen to the sound of Bradley being shot down, he would’ve loved another argument, chased the high of getting Bradley to lose his shit. But it felt cheap, and surrounded by the woods, the bend and twisted trunks, something in their past having caused this no doubt, and yet they still grew, tall and proud and strong, it made Jake want to apologize.
“Wow,” Bradley breathed, getting Jake’s attention and he turned, watching in amusement as Bradley took a step, only to stumble and he would’ve fallen if Jake’s hand hadn’t shot out and grabbed Bradley’s elbow, righting him before he fell over.
“Thanks,” Bradley said, finally taking his eyes away from the view finder to take a few steps off the path before he sunk to one knee, brought the camera back up and kept taking photos, the smile still wide on his face.
“Just, wow.”
Jake looked at him, with the joy so fucking obvious on his face that Jake couldn’t help but smile himself. “Yeah,” he said, not looking away from Bradley. “Wow indeed.”
The sun was beginning to set by the time they made it back on to the main road and Jake was freezing. He had finally switched his sweater for another shirt, his jacket pulled tight around him but even with the hot air blowing he knew he needed a shower because it would be the only way he could warm up. He could feel the cold into his bones, the old ache in his wrists from years holding a stick steady. He could hear his stomach growling, but he didn’t feel like eating, the argument making the air sit heavy between them.
“We should find a place for the night,” he said, doing his best to keep his teeth from chattering.
“Yeah,” Bradley replied, before he sighed. “Might take a bit to find one.”
“Mmhmm,” Jake said, digging out his phone from the side of the door, ignoring whatever messages he had to find the maps app, beginning to search for something. “There’s something about twenty minutes up the road.”
“Really?” Bradley asked, skeptical.
“So google says,” Jake replied, understanding the skepticism.
There was a feeling of isolation right then that Jake found harrowing because he and Bradley had spent the whole trip surrounded by people, and now? Now it was just them, and there was nothing else to fall back on because there was no one else around.
“Well, all hail Google I guess,” Bradley said dryly, causing Jake to huff in amusement as he looked out the window.
Sometimes, looking at trees would remind Jake of home. Of growing up in Atlanta, of playing in the shade with the few friends he had before he had to start taking school more seriously because it was the only way to get out of that city. But here? With the density, the way they soared overhead, stretching into the slowly darkening skies, making it feel like nightfall even though the sun hadn’t officially set. It didn’t feel like home in the slightest, and it added to the unease he was feeling.
“There,” Bradley said, getting Jake’s attention as he looked forward, catching sight of the motel, the vacancy sign flickering as the sun finished setting.
“Wow,” Jake said, leaning forward to peer through the windscreen as they got closer. “That’s a horror movie waiting to happen.”
“We can keep driving,” Bradley offered.
Jake waved a hand. “No. I don’t know how far it is till another one and this one has vacancies. It’ll be fine.”
Bradley didn’t reply, just pulled in and parked in front of the office, the two of them sitting in silence for a moment before Jake unbuckled his seat belt and got out, figuring getting two rooms might be for the best for the evening. Give them a little time to decompress, figure things out. He rubbed a hand over his face as he stepped inside the well lit office, taking in the receptionist who was on the phone, looking annoyed, an expression that wiped clear when she spotted Jake. She waved a hand for him to wait as she kept talking.
Jake nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking around the small office, wishing there was something to look at but there was nothing but a few official looking documents on the wall next to another list of where they could find food and gas around. It seemed like they were on the outskirts of a small town, far enough away to add to the isolation, but close enough that he knew they’d be fine for gas in the morning.
“How can I help you?”
Jake turned and walked to the counter, shooting the woman a quick smile. “I’d like two rooms for the night, please,” he said, already dreaming of a shower.
“No can do. We got one room left,” the woman said, looking bored.
“One room,” Jake said, staring at her before he rubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, yeah that’s fine. Double queen?”
“Nope,” the women said. “Single queen.”
Jake groaned, dropping his head forward as he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing himself to think of the shower. “Do you have a roll away? Or does the room have a couch?”
“Nope.”
“Of course not,” Jake said, looking behind to the car, spotting Bradley leaning against the hood, tapping away at his phone. “Fuck.”
Briefly, he thought about getting back in the car and driving up the road, but he hadn’t been lying before, he didn’t know if something else would have a vacancy. Considering this small motel in the middle of nowhere was almost full, he wasn’t too hopeful for closer into town.
“What, you some sort of homophobe?”
Jake’s head whipped around to stare at the woman, frowning at her at the statement. “What?” he asked, before he finally focused on her earrings, the rainbow flags and he blew out a breath, bracing both hands on the counter, shaking his head before he chuckled. “Not normally, no,” he muttered, before grabbing his wallet.
“But tonight I’d make an exception,” he said, pulling out his card and handing it over. “We’ll take it.”
The woman stared at him, still unimpressed before she took it with two fingers as if she was afraid to touch him. Jake raised an eyebrow, meeting her gaze until she finally huffed and turned, beginning to ring it up.
“Check outs at ten, don’t got no breakfast or anything like that. Rooms are clean, water pressure is good and the heat lasts awhile so you get what you get,” she said, rattling it off like she had done it a thousand times.
“Sounds perfect,” Jake said, shooting her a smile when she looked at him.
“Sure thing,” she replied, going back to what she was doing.
It didn’t take long for her to finish and then Jake was outside, an honest to god key in his hand and the feeling that he had made a bad choice.
“Got a room?” Bradley asked, looking up when Jake made it back to the car.
“Yes, got some bad news,” Jake said, keeping his face blank as he looked at Bradley. “Only one bed. Queen. But apparently the shower pressure is awesome.”
Bradley stared at him before he sighed and dropped his head forward, shaking his head before he shrugged. “Well, we’ll still have more room than we do on a carrier.”
“Low standard.”
“Trying a new thing called positive thinking,” Bradley replied, shooting Jake a smile that felt as fake as anything Jake would attempt right then.
“Sounds exhausting,” Jake said as he spun the key on his finger as he walked to the back of the car so he could grab his bag. “Room one-oh-two, so it’s right there. So just move the car to an actual parking spot and then you can go inside.”
“Handy,” Bradley said, staring at Jake. “What’re…are you?”
Bradley stumbled over his words and Jake stared at him, at the sudden wide eyed look on his face and it took a second for Jake to register what Bradley was suddenly worried about.
“I’m fucking freezing,” Jake said, his hands feeling stiff with the cold. “I’m going to go and take a long, hot shower and then go to bed.”
“So, you’re not…no, okay. Sounds good,” Bradley said, nodding his head.
Jake watched him for a moment, surprised that Bradley looked so fucking worried at the idea that Jake would be leaving, even though less than a few hours ago they had been yelling at each other in the middle of the woods on an unpaved road. Jake finally figured out what was bothering him more than anything else. They had fought before over the years but this was one of the first times when he wanted to fix it.
“I’m not going anywhere, Bradshaw,” Jake said, shooting Bradley a grin. “Except to shower and sleep. Alright?”
Bradley nodded his head until it looked like he was bobbing along to music. “Okay, yeah. That’s uh, yeah. Good. Good. Okay, I’ll just, move the car.”
“You do that,” Jake said, before he turned and made his way to the room, feeling like the ground was finally stable underneath his feet because he had a goal.
He was gonna be friends with Bradshaw, even if it meant talking about the argument for once in their lives.
Notes:
also, this is where they had the argument. they had to have an argument!! its still them.
Chapter 10
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Part of Jake expected to wake up curled around Bradley, especially after the argument yesterday, his subconscious making him curl closer to the man due to some deep-seated drive or some bullshit like that. But he wasn’t. Instead, he was curled into a ball, like he normally was, right on the side of the bed, also normal. The only difference was the lack of a cover wrapped around him, making him shiver and when he turned, he spotted Bradley lying on his back, fully cocooned in the blanket in a way that made Jake scowl even as Bradley let out another chainsaw snore.
“Asshole,” Jake muttered, awake and well-rested, but he still felt exhausted, and cold.
The hot shower had done wonders, but it hadn’t been enough and when he had come out Bradley had been sitting there, on his phone and the awkward pall between them had only been broken when Bradley had nodded at him and gone into the shower. Jake had dressed, laid down in bed, and to his surprise had fallen asleep until Bradley had woken him up with a gentle hand on the shoulder. Some silent agreement passed between them and they went for a quick dinner before Jake decided to call it an early night just because the idea of trying to put his thoughts into words felt herculean with the argument so fresh. Exhaustion had followed him into sleep, leaving him in a dreamless sleep.
Another shiver wracked his body and Jake got up, looking back over as all Bradley did was snore and smack his lips together, not moving a muscle aside from that. Jake rolled his eyes and quickly grabbed a sweater and a pair of sweatpants from his bag and pulled on shoes before he left the room, snagging the key and his phone at the last minute, needing to take a moment to breathe by himself.
There was a small picnic table at the end of the parking lot, situated on a small strip of grass that acted as a barrier between the motel and the trees and Jake sat down there, grimacing at the dampness left over from the rain the day before but he ignored it as he folded his arms and rested his head in them, taking a few moment to breathe deeply for a few seconds before he picked up his phone and finally checked the time.
It was just past eight am, meaning Jake had slept in a little bit, but not as much as he wished he had for the first time in a long time. He wanted to wake up after Bradshaw so he didn’t have to sit and wait, the expectation of conversation hanging over him like a dark cloud. He tilted his head up, taking in the gray skies that seemed to match his mood before he sighed and shook his head, opening his phone up and staring at the front screen before opening up his notes app only to close it again when the list of places he wanted to visit in San Francisco filled the screen.
“Goddamn it.”
He dropped it as he rubbed both hands over his face before he sighed and checked the time again before grabbing the phone and calling Javy before he thought about it too much, needing something to take his mind off the conversation he needed to have, at some point whenever Bradley finally woke up.
Javy picked up. “Goooooood morning my love,” he said, loud and cheerful, and crackly, clearly on speaker.
Jake chuckled. “You finally gonna leave Beth and run away with me?”
“Nope!” came Beth’s cheery voice. “Nice try though. I’d ask why the fuck you’re awake but it’s technically daytime so of course you’re awake.”
“If it makes you feel better I only just woke up,” Jake said, resting his cheek on his fist as he looked across the motel, looking for signs of life but, despite the number of cars, it felt empty like he was the only person there, especially with Bradley still asleep. “Just doing my weekly call in before you two panic.”
“Us? Panic?” Javy asked, but there was a note of relief in his voice that made Jake smile. “Never.”
“Nah, never,” Jake agreed. “Where are you two at?”
“At home,” Beth replied, sounding closer now. “Mom and Dad will tell me to say hi whenever they get back so I'm telling you now. They went to visit Aunt Sarah about something.”
“Tell them I said hi back,” Jake said, still surprised that despite only meeting them once, they still asked after him. He lifted his head so he could rub at his forehead, trying to find something to say but he didn’t know what to say and he could almost feel their worry rising.
“Do I push too much?” he rushed to say before he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing he had asked anything more than that.
There was a beat of silence before Javy started talking. “Yeah, but it's who you are and you respect it when we tell you to back off and don’t get offended so it’s chill. Where’s this coming from?”
Jake was silent long enough he could make out Javy and Beth beginning to hiss at each other and he sighed. “Just, overthinking it. You know how I get,” he said, lifting his head at the sound of an engine, watching a car pull away, disappearing into the trees a second later. “How was the wedding?”
“Jake,” Javy said, voice sharp from worry. “Don’t go there.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Jake said, before Javy could read from the same script, he had more than once over the years since he and Maria had broken up. “Really,” he said, realizing he was being honest for once. “I was just…I just want to know if she looked happy. That’s all.”
Javy’s sigh was loud but resigned. “Yeah, Jake, she was happy.”
Jake nodded, looking down at the table and rubbing his fingers over the worn grain of the wood, feeling it flake under his fingers and he wondered if he dug deep he could rip a chunk out and get rid of the rot clearly setting in. “Good, I’m glad,” he said, trying to find that familiar sadness that felt like it had lingered for a long time in the wake of their break up but it wasn’t there. There was regret, and he missed what they had had, but there wasn’t the same sadness. “She deserves it.”
“So do you,” Beth said softly.
“I’m fine,” Jake repeated, glancing up as another car left and caught sight of Bradley appearing from the end of the hall.
Jake hadn’t seen him leave the room, but he watched him now, the way Bradley walked like he wasn’t fully awake, small shuffling steps, the hoodie pulled up over his head, face half hidden underneath it, and sweatpants that he kept having to hitch up with every few steps. It reminded Jake of the morning on the beach, after the nightmares and he shook his head to clear away the memories as Javy kept talking as Bradley walked closer.
“Yeah? You sure about that?” Javy asked, sounding less than sure about it.
“Yeah, Jav, I’m fine,” Jake said, forcing himself to sound fine. “Just got a lot of time to think.”
“Please tell me what you’re doing, seriously. I know you’ve got this whole mysterious thing going on, but I wanna know,” Javy said, almost pleading. “You could’ve come with us you know? I get you didn’t want to go to the wedding but the rest of it you could.”
Jake wanted to tell Javy, he did, but that required a long conversation that would end in unfinished business and Jake needed to see this through, whatever form it would take without any outside influence because they had made it this far without the buffer of their friends and Jake was stubborn enough he wanted to see if they could. Even as he tamped down the crush that was growing the more he got to know Bradley.
“I’m fine, promise,” Jake repeated as Bradley got close enough Jake could meet his eyes.
Bradley jerked his chin up in greeting, eyes wary and he waved to the other side of the table for Bradley to sit. Bradley nodded, looking at the phone in Jake’s hand curiously, which Jake wouldn’t begrudge Bradley. It wasn’t like he used it a lot.
“You sure bro? You shouldn’t be alone, you know that. I’m just worried, we both are.”
Jake sighed, feeling bad about keeping the secret when Javy and Beth had been there for him for a long time. “I’m fine, even had a one-night stand the other night.”
“Seriously?” Javy asked, sounding like he didn’t believe Jake even as both of Bradley’s eyebrows went up as he leaned forward, chest pressed against the table, hands shoved deep in the pockets of the hoodie.
“Seriously. Kinda unimpressed. Came across my back and passed out right after, but eh,” Jake said, not fighting the grin when Bradley rolled his eyes again and tugged a hand out of the pocket just to flip Jake off.
“Oh, TMI, bro. Seriously. I don’t wanna know,” Javy said.
Beth’s giggle was high. “I do! Did he give you a reach around at least?”
“Yep,” Jake said, shrugging at Bradley’s questioning look. “Look, I gotta go. Okay. You two kids be safe now.”
He hung up before either of them could get another word in, figuring he’d get a couple of texts about it but he ignored it in favor of dropping his phone on the table and staring at Bradley, letting the silence sit.
“Really?” Bradley said finally.
Jake shrugged. “Am I wrong?”
Huffing, Bradley shook his head and tugged a hand out of his pocket. “Food options are scarce but there was a vending machine so here,” he said, handing over a bright blue wrapped candy bar. “Something for now.”
Jake took it, frowning at the Bounty bar in his hand, head tilting to the side.
“There weren’t a lot of options, but you said you liked coconut, right?” Bradley asked, sounding so hopeful that Jake couldn’t find it in himself to correct Bradley and remind him Jake didn’t like coconut. But, it had been a throwaway comment over dessert so Jake didn’t blame him.
“Thanks,” Jake said, nodding his head. “I’m not hungry right now but, uh. Thanks.”
“Yeah,” Bradley said, tugging another bar out of his pocket, this one the familiar red of a Kit Kat.
Jake watched as Bradley opened it up and broke off a wafer, eating it in silence for a moment before he nodded to the phone. “Coyote?”
“And Dino, yeah,” Jake said, shrugging. “Weekly call-in. Let them know I’m still alive.”
“And hooking up?”
“Gets them off my back a bit,” he said, not mentioning he had asked about the wedding, remembering Bradley's less than impressed look when Jake had told him about Maria. “I didn’t even have to lie about it.”
Bradley opened his mouth, grimaced, and sighed, shrugging helplessly as he looked down at the KitKat, fiddling with the next piece before breaking it off and eating it as well.
The awkwardness between them was hard to deal with because Jake didn't know what to do with this. He could start a fight, but in the wake of the previous day that didn't feel as satisfactory anymore. He didn't want to fight. Instead, he looked over to the side, at the small motel and the empty road stretching to either side of them, swallowed up by trees and a low-hanging cloud that threatened another rain like the day before.
"Kinda feel like I’m in Hotel California," Bradley said, breaking the silence finally even as Jake struggled to find a start to what they had to talk about.
Frowning, Jake turned. "What?"
"Hotel California? You know? You can check-in, but you can't even leave?" Bradley asked, rolling the candy bar over in his hands, still frowning at it like it had done something to offend him. "The song."
"Song?"
This had Bradley's head shooting up to stare at Jake, his eyes widening. "What? What? Seriously? Hotel California? By the Eagles? You know?" Bradley said before he began to hum.
Jake kept his face blank and listened as Bradley continued and started to sing, his voice almost sweet sounding in the early morning.
"On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my...," Bradley trailed off as Jake lost control of his poker face and cracked a smile. "Oh, you asshole."
That made Jake chuckle and shake his head as he looked back at the motel, the cars that seemed to be disappearing even though Jake hadn't seen another person aside from Bradley since they had checked in. "I'm not a big music fan, but that doesn't mean I don't know songs. Especially ones that popular."
"Asshole," Bradley repeated but he sounded more relaxed.
Jake hummed, not disputing it. He kept fiddling with the bar, and Bradley didn’t look much better but Jake didn’t really know where to begin. But he knew he had to start somewhere and Bradley looked worse off than he was right then. He dropped the bounty bar on the table, before linking his fingers behind his neck and dropping his head down with a sigh, taking a moment to gather his swirling thoughts before he glanced up at Bradley.
“I push,” Jake said, hating how unsure he sounded, but Bradley stopped moving, looking at him with wide eyes. “I know I do. I’ve been told it a thousand times by a hundred different people. It’s what I do. Most of the people I know tell me to fuck off when I’m getting too pushy, but you never did, and you’ve never had any trouble telling me to fuck off before, so I never thought about it. But just, tell me to fuck off if I get too pushy again.”
For some reason, that made Bradley huff and shake his head. “Kind of a shit-ass apology,” he said, dropping the candy to the table and crossing his arms.
Jake tilted his head back and forth, grimacing. That he knew he was bad at, still not entirely sure he knew how to apologize the right way, or if there was a right way to apologize. But, Jake hadn’t made it this far by backing down. “Not my forte, but. I am sorry for being a dick yesterday. I’m not gonna apologize for the whole of our relationship because you know as well as I do that you can be just as bad as I am.”
“Sometimes,” Bradley agreed, shaking his head, looking amused for a moment before it slipped off his face and he turned his head, looking out at the woods. “If you ever found out your parents had died, would you be sad?”
That made Jake frown and sit up. “What?” he asked, hearing the wariness in his own voice, wondering if Bradley had gone against his wishes and found them.
“A hypothetical, I didn’t look them up,” Bradley said, making a settle-down motion with his hands. “I just. I was thinking about the pushing, and then about the Mission and the comment about my Dad and I just…I’m wondering if you actually understand how badly that hurt. You’ve said some shitty things, so have I, but that? Fuck.”
Bradley paused and shook his head before looking back at Jake, brow furrowed and eyes serious. “Mav and I have issues, but what happened to my Dad was an accident, nothing more than that and I’ve never blamed Mav for that. But I don’t have a lot of memories of my Dad, and I miss him, and bringing that up hurt. And I just...look. I know you didn’t have a good relationship with yours so I’m wondering if you even understood why that hurt.”
Jake stared at Bradley before he licked his bottom lip and looked down at his hands, giving the question the time it deserved. His parents were an endlessly complex situation and Jake didn't think he'd ever make sense of it and how he felt because there was so much he didn't know and he didn't want to find out. Another car roared to life, but Jake ignored it in favor of picking at the side of his nail for a second before he sighed and shook his head, looking up and meeting Bradley’s eyes.
“Honestly, no,” Jake said, shrugging his shoulders, almost feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders at the admission. “There’s always gonna be a part of me that wants to know why, but there’ll never be an answer that’ll satisfy me, so I gave up on ever knowing a long time ago. So, no. I don’t know why I’d be sad about losing them when I never had them to begin with.”
The answer didn’t seem to surprise Bradley, and he just nodded, meeting Jake’s gaze for a second before he sighed. “Figured.”
The moment between them hung even more awkward than before, but this time Jake had an inkling of what he needed to say. He swallowed and cleared his throat, getting Bradley’s attention. “I’m sorry, then. For bringing him up during training.” He paused and thought about it, actually thought about saying something like that to a friend who had lost their parents, and he grimaced. “I wouldn’t say that to Javy, or Beth, or anyone else who might’ve lost their parents, so it wasn’t fair I said it to you.”
“Thank you,” Bradley said after only a moment, sounding like he meant it and it made Jake nod his head before going back to fiddling with the Bounty bar, not really sure what else to say.
There was a whole lot they had to deal with, but this was brand new in a way Jake couldn’t quantify. Not really. Not without needing to sit back and take a long moment to think but he didn’t know what to do next. He had apologized, but it still felt unfinished.
“I’m sorry.”
Jake looked up, frowning. “For?” he asked, not to be a dick but because he needed more context than that.
Thankfully, Bradley seemed to understand as he rubbed a hand over his face. The saving grace to this entire thing was that both of them seemed to be in the same boat, confused and unsure and making their way down a brand new path neither of them had any experience with.
“What I said about not being stuck in a car with you, it was a dick move, seriously,” Bradley said, meeting Jake’s eyes, his body going still and with a sudden stubborn intensity that had always pissed Jake off. And part of him was still pissed off.
Bradley would hem and haw over a decision but once he made one, he was a hunting dog on a mission. Nothing would distract him from reaching his goal and it frustrated Jake that Bradley did that. He was so unsure right up until he wasn’t, and Jake wanted to grab him by the shoulders and yell at Bradley to stop second-guessing himself, that he was good enough, but he curled his hands into fists and let the urge pass him by before they had a repeat of the day before.
“Thanks,” Jake said, shrugging. “I was picking a fight, so I get it.”
“No, no,” Bradley said, holding up one hand to stall Jake who frowned, even more confused.
“Thing is,” Bradley continued, pausing and pursing his lips before he sighed and continued. “You’re my friend, as impossible as it once was to believe, you are my friend. We’re friends. And yeah, you were kinda being a dick, but I had gotten so used to Jake that getting slapped in the face with Hangman all over again set me on edge. Yeah, you were pushing but we’re not the same people we used to be, this relationship isn’t the same.”
It took a second for the roaring in his ears to fade and for Jake to realize it wasn’t in his mind as they both turned to see a Mustang peel out of the parking lot with a squeal of tires and smoke, the back of the car fishtailing before the tread caught and it disappeared with another roar. He blinked at the display and looked back in time to catch Bradley rolling his eyes.
“You know Hangman is just a nickname, right?” Jake asked, carefully, watching as Bradley’s eyes snapped back to him. “I’m not a separate person?”
“I know, but you…,” Bradley trailed off and waved a hand at Jake. “You’re different than the person I knew.”
“Because you know me as a friend, not as a coworker,” Jake said, slowly. “That’s it. We’ve never spent this much time together and the first few days I had to work to keep my comments to myself. I made a choice to shut up, and I still do because we’re kinda stuck together right now.”
It would be easy for Jake to find a way back to San Deigo if he really wanted to, but he wanted to see this through because they had made it this far.
Bradley looked confused, so Jake continued, wondering if the other man had always seen Jake as two different people. As if Jake wasn’t also a pushy asshole when he wanted to be. “The only difference between me right now, and the person you see on the base is I’m more relaxed now. I’m not at work, I’m on vacation. I’m not worried about competing to be the best or to try and get an edge over everyone else. I can relax. The same way other people relax when they’re not at work.”
“You don’t have to compete to be the best,” Bradley said, brows furrowing.
Part of Jake wished he could pretend Bradley was implying he already was the best, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He sighed. “I do though,” he said, tapping fingers on the table. “I want to get promoted,” he explained, shrugging. “I’m career, I’m going as far as I can.”
He stopped himself from saying ‘this is all I have’ because Javy and Beth got small frowns on their faces when he said it, and he didn’t really want to see the same look on Bradley’s.
“Oh,” Bradley said, eyebrows furrowed before he chuckled and shook his head, looking self-deprecating. “I…don’t really think that far ahead.”
“No, really?” Jake couldn’t help but snark.
The flat look Bradley shot him was well deserved, but Jake just shrugged, staying silent for a moment before he let out a sigh, needing to know. “You just…don’t plan anything do you?” he asked, staring at Bradley. “Life, your career. You just let the wind take you wherever?”
It seemed so at odds with what Jake knew about Bradley because Bradley had always been intense, focused, and determined to do his best even as he got caught up in his head, time and time again. Bradley was the number one person holding Bradley back.
“No,” Bradley said, shrugging. “I’m sure some therapist would have something to say about me not planning a future because I’ve got a lot of trauma or something like that, but at the end of the day I never really expected to make it this far and I don’t know where to go from here. I love flying, and I don’t want to retire or anything like that, but aside from that, I have no clue what I wanna do.”
Jake nodded his head, fingers tapping on the table as he kept his mouth shut to stop from offering an opinion. Something he was doing badly about if Bradley’s slightly amused if resigned, look on his face was any indication.
“What?” Bradley asked, pushing his hood off his head so he could scratch at his head.
“What?”
“What do you wanna say?”
Jake held up his hands. “I said I wasn’t gonna push.”
Bradley pursed his lips and sighed, rubbing a hand over his face before staring at Jake long enough that he wanted to shift, feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny but he kept still, not sure what Bradley was thinking, or where this was going to go. He wanted to dig his fingers into Bradley’s brain and figure out what made him tick because Jake couldn’t always get a read on him. He thought he knew what Bradley was like, and then something would come along and Jake would have to readjust his worldview.
“Just, say it,” Bradley said finally.
“Why?” Jake asked, needing to understand why Bradley wanted him to say something.
“Because you were right, I was thinking about you as someone separate from Hangman and that’s…wrong. I’m not Bradley and Rooster, it’s just a nickname. And if we’re going to be friends then I gotta see you in all your glory I suppose.”
Jake raised his eyebrows before he grinned, propping his chin on his hand as he stared at Bradley. “Aww, darlin’, you already saw me in all my glory.”
Amusingly, Bradley’s cheeks flushed at the comment before he rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were still bright red. “Come on, Seresin. Give it to me.”
Jake kept the comment he wanted to make in response to that locked behind his teeth. Flirting with Bradley was a bad idea, especially when it seemed like they were on completely different pages and that was fine. Friends was good enough.
“We’re all due a promotion to Lt. Commander soon, and I’m willing to bet the mission is gonna push a few of us over quicker than it would otherwise, which is good,” Jake started, meeting Bradley’s eyes and seeing the look on his face, like he was actually taking Jake seriously. Jake just wondered if this was going to start a fight. “That means more responsibilities and less time flying, and it’s only gonna get worse from there. Only way in the military is forward or out. And you gonna figure out what you wanna do with your life, with your career before it stalls out because we all might be good, but only flying for a career? That’s not the norm. Mav is an aberration, and you know that.”
Bradley’s mouth tilted down more and more as Jake spoke, and Jake wasn’t surprised when Bradley blew out a breath and turned his head to the side. Jake looked at his profile, the slope of his nose, the beard that had grown in over the past weeks, the way his face seemed fuller, his cheeks rounded. They weren’t stressed out, eating enough to survive and little else. They were relaxed and it looked good on Bradley.
“I know you’re right,” Bradley said slowly. “I just don’t know what I wanna do.”
“So?” Jake said bluntly.
Bradley’s head whipped back around and looked at him with a frown. “But you said—”
“All I said was you gotta figure it out. Shit, Bradshaw. You think you’re gonna figure it out now? Nah, that’s gonna take time. We’re due promotion, yeah. But fuck, there’s another few years before Commander so it’s not like you need to do it now. You just need to actually do it.”
“Fuckin’ Nike commercial,” Bradley muttered before he groaned and scrubbed both hands over his face and through his hair. “Yeah.” He sighed. “Yeah.”
“Easier said than done,” Jake said.
“For you?”
Jake shrugged. “I got the opposite problem sometimes.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t slow down. I know where I want to go, I know what I need to do to get there and I’m gonna do it. I’ll step over people if need be,” Jake said, unapologetic as he always was.
“Even your friends?” Bradley asked, looking at Jake, voice hesitant.
For once, Jake didn’t shrug and make some glib comment about keeping up. Instead, he let it settle, and think over it. “Halo and Omaha, they don’t want command. I get the feeling they’re gonna do their twenty and be done,” Jake said slowly. “Beth wants to move into more of an instructor role, she got a lot of shit from male instructors and she wants to make a change for other female pilots. Javy? He wants some sort of command but not as high as I want it. He mostly wants it because he wants to get settled, he wants to marry Beth, and for them to have a white picket fence and two-point-five kids and that whole thing. He wants a life more than a career.”
Jake looked down at his hands and thought of that future he once might have had with Maria, but he had never been willing to settle down, not when he had plans he couldn’t look away from because sometimes, his career plans were all that tethered him to the ground. “So, I don’t really know if I’d say I’d be stepping over my friends when they don’t want the same thing I do.”
“What about me?” Bradley asked, still looking at him with a serious look on his face.
“You don’t know what you want,” Jake said, trying to ignore how it felt like he was saying two different things right then. Bradley didn’t know what he wanted to do with his career, and he didn’t know why he kissed Jake, both of which frustrated Jake but he kept that locked away. “So, no. I ain’t stepping over you, because you’re not sure what path you’re on.”
The sigh that followed was long, but Bradley nodded his head before rubbing a hand over his face and scratching at his cheek.
“You are so frustrating,” Bradley said, staring at Jake.
“What now?” Jake asked, feeling his hackles begin to rise because he had given Bradley what he had wanted, it wasn’t Jake’s fault if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“Because you’re fucking right and it’s pissing me off,” Bradley said, pinching the bridge of his nose before dropping his head forward onto the table and groaning. “I just…fuck.”
Ignoring the sudden urge to reach out and pat Bradley on the back, Jake settled instead for turning and watching as the last car left the parking lot, leaving the Bronco as a bright blue, lonely beacon in the middle of nowhere. He had said his piece, and he didn’t really know what else there was to say. There had been a lot said the day before, and he knew it wouldn’t be long until they came up against something else and have to deal with it.
Part of Jake wanted to bring up the request not to kiss him again, but the words got stuck in his throat and he shook his head, swallowing them down. The last thing he needed to do was remind Bradley of the moment when Jake had felt like he was almost begging Bradley to not kiss him again because he didn’t know what to do if Bradley did.
Another groan had Jake turning back to Bradley and he watched as the other man lifted his head and sighed. “You’re an asshole, right?”
It wasn’t an accusation. “You know it.”
“And you’ve been what…trying to be nicer?”
“And you haven’t?” Jake countered.
Bradley grimaced and tilted his head to the side, conceding the point. “Look, this,” Bradley paused and waved between them, “this is a new friendship. And shit, you’re the only person I’ve ever had to negotiate a friendship with—”
“—never set any boundaries then?” Jake couldn’t help but poke.
Bradley ignored him. “—but I think we gotta be honest about who we are, you know? Like, if we cross paths again in our careers this…us being nicer to keep the peace isn’t gonna fly if we don’t actually know how to be friends when we’re being…us. You’re right, you know? Hangman. Jake. You’re the same person. I was just keeping you in two separate parts because they were different.”
“So?”
“So, just…be you. And I’m gonna be me and we’re gonna see how this goes. I guess,” Bradley said, a look of worry crossing his face before it was followed by a rueful smile. “For better or for worse.”
There had to be some part of Bradley that knew what he was doing, Jake was sure of it and he kept the ‘in sickness and in health’ locked away because there was no way in fucking hell was he gonna make that joke with Bradley, even though he would’ve with Javy, Beth, Omaha or Halo, just to get an eyeroll and a look of fond amusement.
But he just settled for nodding before knocking his knuckles against the table. “Alright then, you asked for it,” he said, shooting Bradley a smile that felt brittle, and yet he did actually feel glad that they had talked it out in their own way.
“I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I?” Bradley asked, but he was smiling at Jake, a lightness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“Always, darlin’,” Jake said, keeping the smile on his face through sheer force of will alone as he reminded himself to stop using that fucking term of endearment. “Now come on, the place has cleared out and I’m fucking starving.”
“There’s food there.” Bradley nodded toward the Bounty bar still sitting on the table before he frowned, tilted his head to the side, and sighed. “You don’t like coconut, do you?”
Jake patted Bradley’s hand as he stood. “It was the thought, and I appreciate it.”
Bradley shook his head and sighed, snagging the bar as he stood before handing over the last two wafers of the kit kat. “I hate kit kats, I just forgot you said you didn’t like coconut. Back at the Madonna Inn, right? German Chocolate cake.”
With that, Bradley turned and left, shuffling his way back across the parking lot, looking every inch the frat bro Jake had never been, leaving Jake holding two chocolate wafers, gaping after Bradley.
“Let’s go, Seresin. We’ve got trees to see,” Bradley called behind him.
Before, Jake had been unsure, but now he knew the truth. Bradley had no fucking clue what he was doing half the time.
Jake didn’t know if that made it better or worse.
“Okay, I need you to close your eyes.”
Bradley could see Jake’s head whip around and stare at him even as he was getting off the road that would take him to the beginning of the Avenue of Giants. The road wasn’t empty, but it was a lot less busy than Bradley remembered it being, the sun still hadn’t managed to fully peak through the clouds that had rolled in just as they left breakfast. Instead, it appeared and disappeared, light so bright it made Bradley’s eyes water before it disappeared behind another cloud. It was the sort of day that would normally have Bradley searching out a friend to hang with, not wanting to spend the day alone, but he had a feeling Jake was a couch, blanket, and a book kind of person.
“Why?” Jake asked, sounding so suspicious that Bradley snorted.
“Because I want to get a little bit into the woods before you see them,” Bradley explained, glancing over at him as he kept driving. “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”
Jake’s suspicion didn’t go away, but he settled back with a huff, closing his eyes. “Fine.”
“Thank you,” Bradley said, taking the turn to take them down the start of the road that led through the redwoods.
He could feel his own excitement growing as they got closer, remembering what Jake had said back in Monterey. About preferring the forest to the ocean, the silence deep in the woods and he remembered the day before, how quiet it was on the side of a mountain even with the ocean right there, them and nature. Nothing else. The rain so loud that it was hard to think even as they screamed at each other. There was still a lingering sense of awkwardness that Bradley needed to try and get rid of, something deep in his chest that made him feel like he was missing something, and he didn’t know what.
The talk had helped, the apology, as crappy as it was, had helped. Bradley figured no one had ever taught Jake how to apologize but he had known the man for long enough to know how rare those words were. So, he took them, and he kept them close because he knew it would be a while since he heard another one.
“You know, this is kinda creepy, right?” Jake asked, voice cutting through the soft music playing over the radio, Billie Eilish singing about sticking together.
“What is?”
“You driving into the woods with me with my eyes closed,” Jake continued. “Should I be worried about your serial killer tendencies all of a sudden?”
“Sounds like whatever book you and Dino are reading has your imagination spiking,” Bradley said, unable to stop the slight grin as he rounded the corner and they started driving through the trees.
Bradley had seen them before, more than once over the years but the way the Redwoods soared into the skies always took his breath away. It seemed impossible for something to grow that tall naturally, but they did, tall and straight, lining the path like they had been planted there by Mother Natures design for the sole purpose of bringing about that feeling of breathless wonder.
“If my imagination was fueled by what we were reading things would be a lot different and in reality would involve a trip to the ER when it was all said and done,” Jake said.
Bradley’s mind blanked for a second as he tried to parse that before he blinked and cleared his throat, checking the mirrors to make sure there was no one behind him before he slowed down, wishing the weather was better so he could’ve taken the roof off, but he didn’t want to risk the rain after the surprise downpour from yesterday.
“Okay, okay,” Bradley said, coming to a stop in the middle of the road, keeping an eye on the road behind him for a moment before he looked over at Jake, at the raised eyebrows and the purse to his lips. “You can open your eyes.”
“Oh, can I?” Jake asked even as he opened his eyes, blinking a few times before he frowned and leaned forward, staring up at the trees. “What the…”
Bradley watched as a mix of emotions crossed over his face before Jake threw open the door and got out, his head dropping backward, mouth agape with shock and wonder. “Oh, fuck. Oh, holy fuck,” Jake said, shaking his head as he turned, his head still tilted back, stumbling and losing his balance but he didn’t look down. “Why are they so big?”
“Redwoods,” Bradley said, glancing in the mirror to check before he reached behind him and grabbed his camera, turning it on and pulling it up to his eye, looking at Jake through the viewfinder and taking a few quick photos. “They grow big.”
“Holy fuck,” Jake repeated, shaking his head as he kept staring like he didn’t believe it.
A flash caught his attention, and Bradley could see a car appearing over the hill. “Shit, get in,” he said, dropping the camera into his lap, glad when Jake listened and got back in, the door slamming.
Bradley threw the car into gear and took off before the car caught up and honked at them. Jake rolled the window down, shifting to the side, half leaning out of the window so he could keep staring up, his head and shoulders out the window and Bradley’s fingers itched in a way that they hadn’t since two nights ago in the hotel room, Jake on the bed, staring up at him, cheeks flushed with sun and alcohol, a lazy grin on his face and lips swollen and Bradley had wanted to take a photo of him then but he hadn’t, so all he had was a memory made fuzzy by alcohol.
The itch grew as he heard Jake begin to laugh, shocked delight pouring out of him. The road ahead was straight, and the car behind them wasn’t going fast either, so Bradley gave into the itch, trusting years of practice as he picked up the camera and flipped it into auto, glancing down at the screen until he could see Jake and took a few photos by holding down the button, trusting experience to get him at least one good photo as he focused on driving.
“Can we pull over?” Jake asked, still not pulling his head in the window.
Bradley half expected him to turn, sitting out the window like a bachelorette party in Vegas, but he stayed where he was, half of him disappearing out the window. Bradley looked back at the road in time to see a small turn out, some sign for something with an arrow pointing into the woods and he pulled into it quickly, the car barely stopped before Jake was out again, striding into the woods and along the path with a determination that had Bradley half believing Jake would disappear forever if he didn’t follow.
He parked and got out, camera in hand as he locked the car and followed where Jake had headed into the woods. It only took a few yards until the road disappeared and they were lost in a sea of trees, and a few more yards after that before Bradley paused on the edge of a small clearing, Jake standing in the middle of it, head tilted back, half in shadow and half in light from the few beams that managed to make it through the trees as the clouds continued to shift overhead.
Bradley had the camera up, taking photos, keeping silent as he watched Jake through the viewfinder, taking in the smile that was stretching across his face until it shone in a way Bradley had never seen before. His finger depressed the trigger, unable to take it off as Jake slowly dropped his head and turned that bright, beaming smile onto Bradley before his eyes rolled, planting his hands on his hips as he shook his head.
“Seriously?” Jake demanded. “Stop taking photos and look. You and your fucking memories.”
It took more effort than Bradley wanted to acknowledge to pull his finger away from the button and lower the camera, to step into the glade and walk over to where Jake was standing, head tilted back again as he stared up.
“This is, holy shit,” Jake said, shaking his head when Bradley got closer. “Like, I knew about the redwoods and stuff, but I just…photos never do it justice you know?”
“I know,” Bradley said, eyes on Jake’s face.
“Back in Atlanta? We have trees everywhere and there’s always this peace with them, kinda makes you feel like you were protected from the world. But I could always reach up and grab a branch and climb it. I used to climb this one tree near my parents’ place, its branches were low and there was this part of the three a few yards up where a few branches had crossed, making a little seat. I’d sit there for hours and just read, and no one could find me.”
Jake was speaking softly, his eyes still up, hands falling to hang loose by his sides, grin still on his face as he just kept talking.
“I’d get lost in the book while hiding in a tree and things were good whenever I was up there, you know? I didn’t have to think about home and school and plans to get out and I could just relax. It’s why I love the forest. Because it reminds me of that. But this?” Jake paused and shook his head, letting out another breathless chuckle. “Fuck. I can’t climb these, I can barely even see the tops, and the branches?”
“Yeah, redwoods are known for them,” Bradley said, remembering the factoid from the Boy Scouts weekend camping trip he had gone on when he was eleven. “Branches don’t start for a hundred feet or something like that.”
“A hundred feet,” Jake repeated, breathless as he shook his head. “Just fuck.”
There was still a stunned quality to Jake’s voice that Bradley had never heard before and he didn’t know what to do with the feelings running around him as he watched Jake, standing in the middle of the glade of redwoods, smile stretching so wide that Bradley felt like his cheeks were going to hurt.
“Goddamn,” Jake said, shaking his head as he finally dropped his chin and looked at Bradley, unbothered or unaware of how long Bradley had been staring at him. “This was a good idea.”
“I have them from time to time,” Bradley said, brain moving on automatic at this point.
“Once in a generation thinking,” Jake said, obviously teasing as he clapped Bradley on the shoulder, grip squeezing for a second before he started to walk back the way they had come, his hand lingering on Bradley’s shoulder a moment longer than needed before it dropped away.
Like a flower to the sun, Bradley turned, watching as Jake headed out of the glade at a more sedate pace this time, hands in his pockets as he kept pausing to look up and shake his head, small bursts of disbelieving chuckles filling the air.
“Come on,” Jake said, not looking back as he kept walking, expecting Bradley to follow him into the woods. “I wanna grab my phone and then can you take a photo?”
With that, Jake disappeared behind a tree, the forest swallowing up any other sounds, leaving Bradley standing in the middle of the glade, fingers hurting from how tightly he was gripping the camera, staring at where Jake had disappeared and trying to make sense of everything he was feeling and trying to come to terms with those feelings because he didn’t know what it was, but he knew he wanted to chase it and so he took a step, and then another one, following Jake.
Keeping his eyes on the road as he kept driving was one of the hardest things Bradley ever had to do. He kept glancing over, looking at Jake who was turned with his back to the door so he could keep his head tilted back out the window, resting on the windowsill, staring up at the trees as they kept driving through the winding road. There had been a few moments where Bradley had pulled over, some sign making him stop and get out and Jake would follow, grinning with the sort of unrestrained joy that Bradley normally saw in kids who hadn’t yet experienced the world.
“You lean any more out you’re gonna fall,” Bradley said just needing to say something.
“Worse places to die,” Jake replied, not pulling his head in, his words almost lost to the rush of wind.
Bradley thought of a cold snowy forest and shuddered forcing his mind away from it as he shifted gear to slow down to go around another corner, his eyes, lighting on a sign and memories came back. “Hey, wanna drive through one?” he asked, taking the turn.
That got Jake to pull his head back in and sit properly. “What?”
Confused wasn’t something Bradley often got to hear out of Jake and it made him smile, glancing over to the side to see his head tilted to the side, hair windblown and cheeks flushed. Bradley swallowed around a dry throat and kept his voice as even as he should as he shrugged. “You’ll see.”
“So fucking mysterious,” Jake said, laughing but he waved a hand, shifting to settle in the seat, fingers drumming on the door.
Bradley glanced over again, seeing Jake’s head tilted to look out the window again, unable to stop himself even though they had been driving through the Avenue for the past two hours. It was past lunch, and Bradley could feel himself get hungrier, but he wasn’t going to stop this, not for anything, not when it brought so much joy for Jake that he felt like he had finally done something right. And he didn’t know what to do with that.
“It’ll be worth it,” Bradley said, taking the turn indicated and beginning to drive through the forest, the narrower road making him feel like they were going deep into the woods, away from everything else.
Just the two of them and the trees. Another sign caught his attention, and he turned, heading down the road, remembering doing this with his Mom and Mav years ago, in the Mustang, sitting in the back and pressed up against the window as they drove through the tree and the lunch they had gotten after, the quiet area filled with laughter as they wandered around the small tourist trap.
It took a few seconds to stop and pay before Bradley was driving toward the tree, seeing the narrow entrance. “Hey, pull in my mirror?” he asked, rolling down his window so he could reach out to pull the driver's side mirror in.
“We gonna fit?” Jake asked, even as he did as Bradley asked.
“Yep,” Bradley said, sounding more sure than he felt as he slowed down even more, beginning to slow down and make his way through the entrance that had seemed so much larger as a kid.
“Oh, this is amazing,” Jake said even as Bradley came to a stop in the middle of the tree, the trunk on either side of them suddenly making Bradley feel small.
It didn’t surprise Bradley when Jake got out, and he checked behind him, not seeing anyone. Hee turned the car off and followed, needing to climb out the passenger side, grabbing the camera at the last minute. Jake hadn’t moved far, his head tilted back, one hand pressed against the wood, shaking his head.
“Goddamn,” Jake said, shaking his head. “I can’t get over how big they are.”
Bradley’s fingers were moving on automatic as he turned the camera on and snapped a quick photo of Jake, feeling lost in their own world standing between the Bronco and the tree. He swallowed and looked away from Jake, taking a few steps back so he could til his head back and stare up the hollowed-out tree and to the skies overhead. It was bright, even with the clouds and he blinked a few times before taking a few photos. A hand brushing against his elbow got his attention and he looked over at Jake.
“Yeah?”
“Can I climb on the Bronco for a second?” Jake asked.
“Just stay on the frame but yeah,” Bradley said, seeing the nod and grin as Jake turned and disappeared toward the back.
Bradley followed, watching as Jake climbed, his shirt riding up and his biceps bulging as he got onto the bumper and then onto the back frame, one hand braced on the tree to keep his balance as he got higher.
“Careful,” Bradley said, looping the camera strap around his neck, half wondering if he was going to need to catch Jake when he fell.
“I got it,” Jake replied, balancing himself before he pressed both hands against the tree and stared up again.
“Why?” Bradley couldn’t help but ask, not sure what the purpose of this was but he couldn’t help but take another photo.
“Just…felt like it,” Jake said softly, staring up as if in a trance.
Bradley wanted to ask but he kept the question locked away. He didn’t know what was running through Jake’s mind, but he had a feeling it wasn’t for him. He thought of the story Jake had just told, reading in a tree in Atlanta, away from the world and from where he had grown up and it made something ache in Bradley for Jake and how he had grown up. Bradley had lost a lot, but he had been loved and the same itching urge to call Mav, to visit his parent's graves with him and for them to move past filled him and he shook his head, turning and looking behind him, checking to see if there were any cars behind them, waiting their turn but it was still just them. He turned, looking up in time to see Jake crouch down and begin to get down, more careful than he had gotten up.
“Good?” Bradley asked when Jake hit the ground.
Jake nodded, still smiling. “Yeah, yeah I’m good. We should get the car out of the tree.”
Bradley snorted. “Probably. There’s a stop as soon as we get through, food, a bathroom,” he paused and grinned, “a gift shop.”
Predictably, Jake’s eyes lit up.
Bradley perched on the bumper of the car, a cup of coffee cooling in his hand as he scrolled through the photos he had taken, watching the version of Jake on his screen turn his head, the smile blooming brighter and brighter. Bradley could make out the exact moment Jake had seen the camera, the smile still there but there had been a subtle change, something he couldn’t define right before Jake rolled his eyes, exasperation crossing his face but also acceptance as he stood there, hands by his side, haloed and shadowed by the light that made it through the branches, golden and untouchable. Looking like some sort of Ancient forest God sent to tempt people deeper into the woods.
“Fuck,” Bradley said, turning the camera off before he went through the photos for the fourth time, unable to stop himself from scrolling back and forth just to watch that play of emotion on Jake’s face.
He grabbed the coffee and downed it, walking over to the trash can and throwing it away, looking into the gift shop and seeing Jake near the stacks of books, one under his arm and one open in his palms. He had a feeling Jake could be in there for a while and would come out, with a new stack of books to add to the growing collection in the back of the Bronco. Bradley wondered if he actually finished any of them, he had seen the man bounce between a few of them over the trip, making headway, but he kept finding more books to buy.
It wasn’t a habit that Bradley had expected from Jake, but it was sweet, a softness to the man that lingered with Bradley.
“Fuck,” Bradley repeated, turning and making his way back to the car, opening the trunk so he could sit more comfortably, grabbing his phone and scrolling to find Nat’s message thread.
Me: how do you know you’re in love?”
He sent it before he could stop himself, swiping away and rubbing both hands over his face with a groan, wishing he had more coffee to try and distract himself. He was half tempted to grab one of Jake’s books and read just to see what they were about.
His phone rang, and he frowned, picking it up and seeing the photo of Nat.
“You didn’t need to—”
“—you’re not in love,” Nat said, interrupting him.
Silence for a moment then Bradley scoffed. “I could be! You don’t know my life.”
“No, but I know your commitment issues,” she replied before she sighed. “Why the fuck do you think you’re in love? You don’t do love? You make people fall in love with you and then run away like a little bitch?”
“Rude,” Bradley muttered, but he couldn’t deny it. He knew what he did each time was a horrible thing, but there was this sick, crawling feeling at the thought of leaving someone waiting for him when he might never come home that he couldn’t get rid of. No matter how many times he had tried.
“Well?”
“I don’t know,” Bradley replied, pressing his fingers into his eyes. “I just, he’s there.”
“Ringing endorsement for love. Stop the presses. Call the musicians we got the next big wedding song.”
Bradley groaned, trying to find the words.
“Is this Instagram husband? What’s his name again?”
Bradley almost said Jake's name before he stopped and sighed. “Yeah, it is.”
Nat huffed. “How long has it been going on?”
Bradley had to stop and think about it for a moment, the days flowing together. “Two weeks maybe?” He paused and counted. “Eleven days?”
The silence on the other side of the line was loud, the judgment strong. “Bradshaw.”
“What?”
“You’re not in fucking love.”
“I could be!”
“No!”
“Maybe I’m a secret romantic, who knows? My parents were both like that.”
Bradley didn’t know why he was defending this so much. He knew she was missing a lot of context, but if Nat knew who it was she would be rolling on the ground laughing or trying to get him committed. But here was something, and he didn’t know what it was so it had to be love.
“Look,” Nat said before she paused and sighed. “Look, maybe you do like this guy more than normal. But love? Come on now. At most, whoever this asshole is makes you want to try and that’s a good thing. Maybe your demons got ejected along with your ass a few weeks ago and you left them in bumfuckwherever we were. But love? That takes time. Eleven days isn’t enough to fall in love with someone.”
There was a modicum of sense to Nat’s words that dug their way into Bradley’s brain and latched on. “What do I do?” he asked, aware he was whining as he looked down at the keys in his palm, the MONA keychain Jake had gotten him back in LA bright against the rest of his eyes, impossible to miss. Just like Jake.
He thought of Jake the day before, demanding to know why Bradley had kissed him, soaking wet in the rain and staring at Bradley expectantly. That same feeling overcame him and Bradley swallowed, sure it had to be love because what else could it be? “Should I tell him? I should tell him I love him, right? Or falling in love?”
“No! Fuck, Bradshaw. What is wrong with you?”
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“Dude, unless you tell me who it is I can’t help you. Does he even want to be with you?”
“I—”
“—Bradshaw, look at this.”
“Is that him?”
Bradley hung up the phone and let it fall into his hand just as Jake rounded a corner, grinning down at the books in his hands. He could feel his phone buzzing and he ignored the call, aware he would need to apologize to Nat for that later.
“Look at what?” Bradley asked, trying to sound cool and he ignored the way his voice cracked halfway through.
Thankfully, Jake didn’t seem to notice as he looked up and held up one of the books. “The Secret History of Bigfoot.”
Bradley blinked, staring at the cover before he snorted, shaking his head as he laughed and reached out, grabbing the book and flipping it over so he could look at the back cover, reading the synopsis. “And this is nonfiction?”
“Don’t give a shit either way, I just hope it’s good,” Jake said, snagging the book back and shaking his head. “Whatever it is, I’m interested. The exact kinda weird ass book I like.” Jake said, putting the book back with the others he had gotten and sitting down on the edge of the truck next to Bradley.
Bradley watched as Jake shoved his hands into his pockets, staring out across the parking lot to the few other cars lingering around, the trees that circled them, soaring even higher. Bradley looked at the books, and couldn’t stop himself from thinking about overcast days like these, fucking around on his phone with Jake reading on the couch right next to him, the company Bradley always needed to keep the darker thoughts at bay but both of them being comfortable with the silence.
“Wanna grab dinner?” Bradley asked, unable to stop himself from blurting the words out, staring at Jake’s profile and picturing a romantic dinner at some little restaurant set deep in the trees.
Jake hopped off the car and stretched with a groan before checking his watch and shrugging. “Little early for dinner but we skipped lunch so I could eat.”
Bradley wanted to slap his face as he groaned. Of course. It was just the two of them, of course, they would grab dinner. “No, like. Dinner, dinner?”
Watching Jake as intently as he had been he could see the way his shoulder muscles bunched underneath his shirt for a moment before they relaxed and Jake turned, looking at Bradley with a raised eyebrow, hands on his hips. “What?”
“Dinner, a date. With me,” Bradley said, waving a hand between them.
There was a line between Jake’s eyebrows Bradley wanted to smooth out with his thumb, but he stayed where he was, letting Jake look at him wondering what he was searching for.
“Look,” Jake said, his voice calm even as Bradley felt disappointment hit him right in the solar plexus, leaving him breathless. “I’ll grab dinner because I’m hungry, but not dinner.”
The disappointment didn’t leave him but Bradley had never been one to back down. “Why?” he asked, trying not to let demand cloud his voice but it was hard.
Jake stared at him for another long moment, face an emotionless mask, the same one they all learned to use early on in the military. You had to push it down and deal with it later because otherwise, you couldn’t fly straight. But Bradley didn’t want Jake to push this down, he wanted to see what was on his face, to know what he was thinking.
“Why’d you kiss me?” Jake asked, body still, lips barely moving, and voice soft but it was like Jake had shouted the words, an echo of the day before.
“What?”
“Why. Did. You. Kiss. Me?”
This time there was an edge of anger in the clipped words, Jake’s mouth twisting into something. Bradley wondered if this would start another fight, only this time with the few workers and other tourists as watchers to the rollercoaster that was their relationship. Except, the more he thought about it the more he didn’t think it was going to happen. He was annoyed that Jake was turning it into a whole thing, but Bradley knew how to deal with his irritation better than most.
“You said you were going to kiss me,” Bradley replied, needing to buy time as he struggled to find the words to put together feelings he didn’t understand.
“Yeah, I was. And I know why I was gonna do it,” Jake said, stepping closer, his voice dropping. “It is a simple question, why did you kiss me?”
It was a simple question, but Bradley didn’t know the answer, not really. He knew he wanted to again, but he couldn’t figure out why. Why meant sitting down and looking at what he was feeling, trying to decide why Jake felt like he could be an exception to Bradley’s long-standing issues with commitment when he was deployed. He had a nagging feeling that Jake wouldn’t let him get away with anything like his partners had done before but he knew that wasn’t enough.
“I don’t know.”
It would’ve been better if Jake had looked surprised but he just sighed and looked resigned. “Shocker,” Jake muttered, pushing up his sunglasses so he could rub both hands over his face, leaving them there for a moment as he breathed.
Bradley waited, breath catching in his throat as he looked at Jake, waiting to see which way everything would fall because he didn’t know what else to do. Finally, Jake dropped his hands with a sigh, looking as if he was going to pull away but then, to Bradley’s surprise, he stepped forward, shifting between Bradley’s knees, making room for himself like he always did until Bradley had to tilt his head back to keep staring at Jake.
Hands patted at his chest before they reached up, cupping his jaw, thumbs brushing over his jaw as Jake stared at him, the corner of his lip curled up for a moment before it smoothed away with a sigh and Jake leaned down and kissed him.
Bradley made a noise in the back of his throat, one hand curling around the edge of the trunk, the other lifting until he was cupping Jake’s elbow, grounding himself in the moment as best as he could. Before it could turn into anything else, Jake pulled back, but he didn’t pull away, leaving Bradley staring into deep green eyes and wondering what was happening.
“I kissed you because I wanted to. Because against my better judgment, I like the version of you that I’ve gotten to know over the past two weeks and you’re someone I’d like to get to know better, here, in the future, figuring it out. But I’m not twenty anymore and I’m not looking to be the port of call hook up you’ll fuck off and leave when you get too scared.”
Jake kissed him again, and Bradley wished he could think past the way Jake’s lips felt pressed against his own but his mind was reeling.
“We’re getting dinner because I’m hungry, but I need you to stop asking me shit like this unless you know why you kissed me,” Jake said, his hands dropping as he backed up a step. “I’m not gonna hold your hand in this, Bradshaw. I can’t. You gotta figure out your own hangups.”
With that, Jake shifted back another step and walked around to the front of the car, getting in and leaving Bradley staring across the parking lot, thoughts swirling and trying to ignore the resigned voice in his head that sounded like Nat saying ‘I told you so.’
Notes:
jakes abandonment issues 🤝 bradleys commitment issues
Chapter 11
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Despite having known Bradley for years, despite everything that had happened between them in those years, despite how much Jake had given him shit for how long Bradley could take to decide, Jake couldn’t help but feel a sense of expectation as they drove, no plans but finding something to see as they got closer to Tahoe. He wanted Bradley to tell him why, he wanted to get rid of this speculative air that had fallen over them since the day before when dinner had been filled with the kind of awkward small talk that belonged on first dates and not wherever they were heading toward.
Because they were heading toward something, but Jake didn’t know what and he hated not knowing. He needed it quantified, he needed Bradley to figure his shit out in the next two hours or Jake was going to scream from the pervasive expectation he could feel settling around his shoulders like a shroud, or perhaps, in a thought that felt like life coming full circle bringing the edges of who he was then and who he was now, a hangman’s noose. It was a depressing thought, but he couldn’t get it out of his brain, the whole thing spinning around and around in an endless circle
It would be so easy to say yes to Bradley. Jake knew how the man worked. Knew he made a decision, and he went with it, but there was that nagging voice he couldn’t get rid of. The part reminding him that Bradley, by his own admission, couldn’t handle his deployments. He left, and he left people behind. There were a thousand jokes Jake could make about that but he kept them locked away for a rainy day.
“It’s gorgeous around here,” Bradley said, breaking the silence for the first time in an hour. “I’ve never actually been this way to Tahoe. We always cut through Sacramento.”
Jake didn’t know how they were getting to Tahoe, he had left that in Bradley’s hands as he focused on lodgings, finally finding them a beachfront house they could rent for the night. It had been expensive, and Jake had had to get a second night, but he didn’t care. Not at the promise of the view. The drive had been long, even with a few stops to get gas and stretch their legs, and they had left the Coastal Ranges a long time ago and were starting to make their way up into the Sierra Nevada’s.
“Never been,” Jake admitted, looking out the window at the mountains.
“Really?” Bradley asked, surprise in his voice.
“Really,” Jake replied, turning to look at Bradley who had one elbow bent on the windowsill, the other resting on the top of the steering wheel, totally at ease. It was a sight Jake had grown used to over the past two weeks and it was a sight he wanted to see more of.
“It’s amazing, water’s so clear it feels so shallow if you’re out on a boat even though its fifty, sixty feet deep. Cold as shit though.”
The weather had turned for good, fall beginning to settle in, at least in the northern part of California. Jake had no doubt that San Diego was still warm and a small part of him longed for the humid, warm air that got rid of any ache in five minutes.
“So, we’re going swimming, right?” Jake asked, grinning when Bradley snorted and shrugged.
“I mean, we can,” Bradley said, before shaking his head. “Does the place have a hot tub?”
Jake hummed and grabbed his phone, looking for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “On the back deck that leads down to the lake. Quiet hours are after ten so we can’t use it after that.”
“The way things have been going I’ll be in bed by ten anyway,” Bradley said, snorting. “I had an early morning.”
“Well, I didn’t make you get up and do yoga this morning,” Jake replied, catching the edge of Bradley’s smile.
It had been a surprise when Jake had been in the middle of his warmup and Bradley had joined, yawning and wobbling and swearing softly the entire time, but he had done his best and had mostly kept up. Jake didn’t know what to make of it and didn’t want to ask because he was afraid of the answer even though he wanted the answer, especially with the memory of the kiss so new. He hadn’t been thinking clearly when he had kissed Bradley. Not with the dinner invitation sitting heavily in the air and how badly Jake wanted to say yes even though he knew it was a bad idea.
“True,” Bradley replied, shrugging as he shifted in the seat and started driving with two hands as the road narrowed, getting windier as they headed further up the mountain. “But you were right.”
“Usually am,” Jake replied before Bradley could finish his thought.
That made Bradley chuckle. “Whatever. You were right, I gotta keep in shape.”
Jake watched as Bradley reached into the bag of Hot Tamales sitting in his cup holder and come out with a few, eating them and filling the car with the smell of cinnamon.
“Those aren’t helping,” Jake said, looking out the window before Bradley caught the fond look on his face.
Bradley chuckled again. “No, but I still am on vacation. Don’t try and pretend you didn’t finish your bag of chips almost as soon as you got it.”
Jake shrugged. “I’m on vacation,” he parroted, wishing he could roll down a window and stick his arm out just for something to do.
The moments like this, with the easy back and forth and soft teasing that held none of the harsh edges they had a month ago, made it difficult for Jake to want to stand his ground. He wanted to reach out and take Bradley’s hand, slot their fingers together and squeeze. He wanted to ignore the blaring red sirens in his brain and just let himself take the step, but it would be a bad idea. Not if Bradley didn’t know what he wanted. And that was the hold up for Jake. He didn’t know if Bradley wanted him, or Bradley was caught up in the moment.
He had called Bradley out on it more than once, his inability to stop over thinking and it still frustrated Jake so much. That Bradley could be that indecisive, and then make a decision and just go full steam ahead. It had been frustrating when it had been flying, seeing the talent Bradley wasted on anxiety, but now…when it was focused toward him? Jake didn’t know what he felt. Part of him was aware of how easy it would be to be caught up in Bradley’s whirlwind decisions and say yes to dinner, to a date, but he also couldn’t help but think of a rocking boat, an arm around his shoulders keeping the fear at bay as Bradley talked about his past, his admission of fear and of commitment because he didn’t want someone to become his Mother if the worst happened.
“Sure thing,” Bradley said, breaking Jake from his spiraling thoughts. He sighed. “Actually, no. Two weeks ago I would be inclined to believe you never take a break, and vacation was a foreign word for you, but now I know better.”
The problem was, Bradley did know him better. And Jake knew Bradley better. And at the end of the day Jake didn’t know which would win in the end, stubbornness or fear and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get wrapped up in the unknown. Not when his own past was littered with people walking away from him.
“I can relax when the timing is right,” Jake said, looking back out the window. “And right now I’m picturing a nice swim, a good dinner and then reading a book in a quiet cabin.”
“Assuming we get there,” Bradley said.
Frowning at the somber tone, Jake looked over at Bradley. “What?”
Bradley was fighting a grin as he jerked his head. “Sign.”
Jake turned his head in time to catch the sign before they drove past, and it took a second for his mind to register where they were going. “You’re taking me through Donner pass?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked back at Bradley.
Bradley shrugged, no longer fighting the grin. “You wouldn’t let me take you to dinner, so I figured you could become dinner.”
That set Jake’s mind down a long spiraling tangent of all the things Bradley could’ve implied with that comment, none of them related to cannibalism, before he forced himself to scoff and shake his head even as he fought down his own grin, crossing his arms and settling back into the seat, wishing he hadn’t eaten all of his chips. “Bad joke, Bradshaw.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Bradley replied, easily as they were taken higher and higher into the mountains.
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t, sweetheart. You’re just trying not to say you’re amused.”
Jake had always prided himself on being quick on his feet, capable of making decisions before he had even finished thinking through the problem, trusting his instinct and his experience to lead him down the right path. But Bradley calling him sweetheart, as casually as if they had been dating for a long time made his brain go blank, static filling his mind as he stared at Bradley, time almost seeming to move in starts and stops before he swallowed and looked back out the window, crossing his arms.
“Don’t call me that,” Jake said, aiming for casual and coming across as pleading.
“Alright.”
The agreement was easy, but Jake had a feeling it wasn’t going to be as simple as that. But he had never been one to back down, not from Bradley.
“Figured it out yet?”
He didn’t have to explain further.
“Nope.”
It was too cheerful and set Jake’s teeth on edge and suddenly he felt almost afraid of asking anything else. He settled for turning to watch the mountains as they flashed past, tall and imposing and isolating, the road clear of major traffic aside from them and a few other cars he could see like bugs in the distance. Jake had never been one for easily backing down, pushing and standing up for what he wanted but right then, he didn’t know what he wanted Bradley to say.
It would be so easy to say yes, to trust what Bradley was saying was true. But Jake had never been good at trust.
Jake shivered, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans as the wind cut through the top of the pass as he kept reading the sign, rocking on his heels and trying not to look around to see wherever Bradley had ended up. No doubt he was taking a dozen photos of some random tree or whatever else caught his attention. Or making friends with random people to get some new place for them to go and visit as if they didn’t already have a plan.
It took a moment for Jake to realize he had read the same sentence three times in a row and still didn’t know what it had said. He dropped his head into his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh before he gave into the inevitable and turned, half expecting to see Bradley in the distance but instead Bradley was a few steps away, back to Jake and staring down at the camera in his hands. Jake took a moment, sweeping over Bradley’s shoulders and down before he shook his head and wandered over, wondering if throwing a sweater on would be enough or if he should buy something warmer since most of his warm clothes were back in San Diego.
The thought of San Diego made him pause before he made it to Bradley, aware of how long it had been since they had been set loose with nothing more than a reminder to check their email. Part of him was surprised they hadn’t received any summons or been told to go back to their previous posting. They were in limbo and Jake hadn’t known how to feel about that two weeks ago, but he frowned when he realized it had been a few days since he had worried about it. Too distracted ever since Napa and Bradley, and everything else that had happened. San Diego, his job, the mission, all of that seemed so distant it almost felt impossible to think about the person he had been. He shook the thought from his mind before he started to dwell, knowing there was nothing he could do about it and focused on Bradley, debating if he wanted to go over.
Instead, he turned, wandering across the road to the outlook, looking down at a bright blue lake, the mountains green and lush despite it being the beginning of fall. Another gust of wind made Jake shiver, and remind him that they were at a high enough elevation that the ice would melt late, keeping the whole area crisp and green. It was breathtaking, and Jake stood at the edge, unable to take his eyes away from the view.
Bradley appeared next to him, camera in his hands as he kept taking photos before checking the small screen. Jake glanced over, watching him in his element before he shifted closer to peer at whatever Bradley was looking at but it was hard with the glare from the sun. The same sun that made Jake want to scowl at the sky because a sun that bright should mean a warm day, but another breeze made him shiver and rock from foot to foot.
“Get anything good?” he asked when it didn’t seem like Bradley was going to initiate a conversation.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, tilting the camera to the side and Jake leaned in, staring at the photo, the mountains a stark contrast to the bright blue skies. It was another photo that Bradley took and made it look easy, as if anyone could do it but Jake had seen him fiddling with the settings, doing this and that and making tiny little adjustments until they all came out perfect.
“It’s good,” Jake said, nodding and shivering again when the breeze kicked up again.
“Cold?” Bradley asked, letting the camera hang around his neck.
“You’re not?”
Bradley was just in the Hawaiian shirt that Jake had gotten him at Disneyland, a day that now seemed years ago. His sunglasses were pushed into his hair again, keeping it off his forehead and Jake was expecting to have to sit through another five minutes of watching Bradley detangle the nose piece from his hair when they got back in the car. “Not really, I tend to run warm though.”
“Lucky,” Jake said, jerking his chin over toward the small deli they had looked through when they had first arrived. “Wanna eat here or wait till we get into Tahoe?”
Bradley shrugged as he turned to look behind him. “Nothing really called my name, you?”
Jake shook his head. “Not really hungry,” he admitted with a shrug. He hadn’t been hungry for most of the day, only eating breakfast because he knew he needed to, not that he wanted to.
“Alright.” Bradley shrugged and turned, beginning to wander back and Jake watched him go, only to roll his eyes when the man spun around and had his camera up, taking photos of Jake as he backed up.
Jake flipped him off, shaking his head as he followed after Bradley until he got close enough he pressed a hand to the top of the lens and carefully pushed down, not actually wanting to damage the camera. It left them standing close enough that Jake was silent for a moment as he tried to remember what he was going to say. He licked his bottom lip, and watched as Bradley’s eyes darted down for a moment before he leaned forward as if he was going to kiss Jake. For a moment Jake wanted to let him, remembering the kiss from the day before, the way Bradley’s hand curled around his elbow, the brush of stubble against his mouth and he wanted. But he swallowed and leaned back slightly, putting enough distance between them that Bradley’s mouth turned down in frustration.
“No photos,” he said finally, pulling his hand away as he walked past Bradley to try and get some distance between them without feeling like he was in the middle of running away.
“I like taking photos of beautiful things soooo,” Bradley called after him.
Jake crossed the road before he turned, hands planted on his hips trying to fight the smile as he stared down Bradley as the man crossed the road, smug smile firmly in place. “Not cute,” he said when Bradley got closer.
Bradley just grinned and leaned in as he got closer to Jake. “Liar,” was all Bradley murmured before he brushed past Jake and headed to the car.
Jake closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking a moment to breathe in and out and let his heart rate settle, reminding himself that Bradley didn’t know what he was doing, and the last thing Jake should be doing was encouraging him in any way. Or flirting or doing anything that might make this all come to a head because Jake knew Bradley, better than he had before, and Jake would be damned if he was left behind when Bradley got deployed.
“Let’s go, Seresin. We’ve gotta get down the mountain,” Bradley called.
With a sigh, Jake turned and followed him.
The house was smaller than Jake had expected, but stepping into the living room and seeing the lake right out the window made everything worth it as he dropped his bag to the floor and kept walking until he reached the back door and opened it, stepping out onto the back deck and braced his hands on the railing as he stared across the lake, the blue of the water mesmerizing.
“Fuck this is always so gorgeous,” Bradley said, appearing next to Jake, elbows braced on the railing, his arm pressed against Jake’s.
“Yeah,” Jake agreed, trying not to think about how warm Bradley felt, how easy it would be to curl into him and just agree even though so many parts of him were screaming at him to just turn and run, find his way back to San Diego and turn his words into lies as he pulled the shroud of Hangman around himself, a barrier to keep people away and to keep himself safe.
His hands curled into the railing as he shifted, mirroring Bradley’s pose, unintentionally leaning against Bradley. The two of them stood in silence and watched as the wind kicked up white caps on the waves. The sun was getting low, the glare from the lake making him squint, but Jake couldn’t look away from the ice-blue waters. He remembered what Bradley had said, about how cold the Lake was and how clear it could be, even in the deeper parts. Jake wanted to walk out into the lake, let himself be baptized in the clear waters and maybe then he would have some sort of clarity for the situation he was in.
“Looks fucking freezing,” Bradley said, breaking the silent spell that had fallen.
“So, you said,” Jake agreed, pushing up and away as he clapped Bradley on the shoulder and turned to walk in, grabbing his bag, aware of Bradley behind him. “Dibs on the upstairs bedroom.”
“Huh?”
Bradley sounded confused and he looked even more confused when Jake turned, raising his eyebrows at Bradley who was staring at Jake. It took Jake a moment to register to what Bradley might’ve been confused about and he suddenly felt like he was on the wrong foot as he pointed to the downstairs bedroom and then to the one upstairs. A loft that had the added bonus of huge bay windows so Jake could look out across the lake as he slept.
“Two bedrooms,” Jake said, suddenly feeling like he had done something wrong, but the two of them weren’t together. No matter what had happened between them. Two hotel rooms was a stupid idea, but a two-bedroom cabin to rent had been an easy decision.
“Oh,” Bradley said, mouth pulled down even more before he nodded, smiling at Jake. “Don’t wake me up with your yoga first thing in the morning.”
The cheery upbeat tone was so fucking wrong that Jake shifted from foot to foot, biting back the apology by sheer will alone. There was no reason to apologize, not when he hadn’t done anything wrong. “I’ll go outside,” Jake said, nodding toward the back deck. It would be gorgeous.
“Sure,” Bradley said, tone amused.
That caused Jake’s hackles to rise. “What?”
Bradley snorted, grabbing his own bag. “Sweetheart, it’s gonna be like forty in the morning and you wanna tell me you’re gonna go outside?”
Three weeks ago, Jake would’ve started a fight, two weeks ago he would’ve just shrugged and let it slide, a week ago he would’ve made some comment about Bradley getting fat if he didn’t join. But today Jake just settled for rolling his eyes. “I’ll be moving, it’ll be fine,” he said, ignoring the way sweetheart settled around him. “And don’t call me that.”
Bradley rolled his eyes again, waving a hand as if to brush away the comment as he turned and headed to where Jake had pointed out the second bedroom. “Wanna head down to the lake?” Bradley called over his shoulder as he stepped into the room.
“Yeah,” Jake said, moving toward the stairs and climbing up instead of staring at Bradley’s retreating back. He hadn’t done anything wrong and so it was stupid to feel like he had. “Let me change quickly.”
“Put on something warm.” Bradley’s teasing voice followed him up the stairs.
Jake kept silent instead of coming up with a reply, but even if he had thought of something words would’ve failed him as he made it to the top and came to a stop, staring out across the large bay windows to the lake, blue stretching out in front of him as far as he could see before fading into mountains that reached for the skies. The trees he could see were swaying in the breeze, and the whole thing was so gorgeous it looked fake.
It looked like something out of a fairy tale and Jake dropped his bag on the bed as he kept walking forward until he was standing at the window, staring and staring and lost in the view and suddenly wanting to call Bradley upstairs so he could see it as well. But he kept silent as he kept staring until Bradley’s voice echoed up, telling him he would be outside.
“Alright,” Jake called back, looking down in time to see Bradley step outside, camera in hand as he jogged down the few stairs to the well-worn footpath that led straight to the beach.
The moment felt distant as he watched as Bradley started to take photos. He was still in the same Hawaiian shirt he had been wearing, his sunglasses back on his head, catching the light anytime he turned. Jake swallowed, stepping away from the window and closing his eyes, taking a deep breath as he pulled his emotions in around himself.
Bradley didn’t know why he had kissed Jake, and Jake needed to keep reminding himself of that fact. It was the only way to keep his sanity.
Jake jerked his hand back with a hiss as he shook it out. “Jesus,” he muttered, looking down at the water that was so much colder than he had been expecting, even with Bradley’s warning.
Bradley for his part was laughing, standing a few steps back and camera thankfully not in his hands. “I warned you,” he said, the awkwardness from the cabin gone now.
“You did,” Jake agreed as he stood up and stepped back, staring down at the water, glaring at it and feeling personally offended. It was crystal clear, and even with the crashing surf from the wind, he could make out the bottom of the lake easily. He wanted to swim out, to see what it looked like even deeper. But it was cold, and he flexed his hand against the chill seeping into his bones. “Fuck swimming in this.”
“It’s not so bad during the day,” Bradley offered.
“Nope,” Jake repeated, shaking his head. “If we come back in the summer I’ll swim. But now? No.”
There was a beat of silence before Bradley blew out a heavy breath that had Jake frowning as he turned to look at him. The sun was even lower, casting orange rays across the lake and the moon had appeared, the skies still clear of any clouds and he had a feeling they wouldn’t need flashlights to walk back to the cabin if they stayed out late, even though it was only a few yards up the beach.
“What?” Jake asked when Bradley was silent for long enough he wondered what was happening.
“It is warmer in the summer,” Bradley said, sounding careful when he spoke.
Jake frowned at him for a moment before he replayed what he had said and looked back at the lake, shrugging. “Said what I said,” he replied, not sure what else to say because the summer seemed so fucking far away.
Humming, Bradley stepped up next to Jake and knocked their shoulders together. “So, here’s the plan.”
“Oh, we have a plan now?” Jake asked, amused because they hadn’t had a plan since they had left San Diego and the fact it was working out as well as it was still surprised Jake. “Since when did that happen?”
“Right now,” Bradley replied, shooting a mock glare at Jake. “We head back to the cabin, make sure the hot tub is actually working, order a pizza for delivery and then we do a quick dip in the lake and run back to the hot tub to warm up before dinner arrives.”
Jake wrinkled his nose as he looked out across the lake, the memory of how fucking cold it was still fresh in his mind. His hand throbbed as if remembering that before he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and covering his mouth. He didn’t want to do it. He’d be fine with getting in the hot tub and ordering pizza, the idea of getting in the lake fully didn’t sit well with him. He knew he was dramatic when he got cold. The one Christmas he had spent with Javy and his family in fucking Montana hadn’t been the worst Christmas he had ever spent, but he had spent most of it wrapped up until most of the Machado’s had taken to calling him Staypuft. The next Christmas they had all chipped in and gotten him a full set of winter gear, something for which he had been grateful when he had spent a year in Germany.
The memory soured as he remembered the scarf Maria had knitted him. The two of them newly dating and she had wanted to do something nice for him. It was warm, and it was full of holes and lopsided and the best thing anyone had ever made him because she had made it for him. It was sitting in a storage box because Jake had never been able to part with it.
“I mean, if you wanna be a lil’ bitch I won’t blame you. It is cold,” Bradley said, cutting into Jake’s thoughts before he started to spiral.
“Get fucked, Rooster,” Jake replied, shooting a glare that had Bradley dropping his head back as he laughed, the sound loud in the semi-quiet of the area. So far, they hadn’t seen anyone around, but summer was long over and winter hadn’t yet settled into the area so it made sense no one else was there.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. Polar plunges are supposed to be good for the soul or something,” Bradley said, waving a hand at the lake that was getting darker and darker by the minute as the sun dropped behind the mountains. “I’ll do it, you don’t have too. You can make dinner.”
It was a cheap shot, and Jake knew Bradley was goading him, and it irritated him that it was working.
“Don’t come crying to me when your dick falls off it’s so cold,” Jake said, shoving at Bradley as he walked past.
“So, we’re doing it.”
Instead of replying, Jake flipped him off again, figuring that would be a good enough answer. He was gonna do it, and he was gonna freeze but he would be damned if he let Bradley give him shit for it.
“You won’t regret it,” Bradley said, catching up to Jake and wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, squeezing it gently and kissing the side of his head for a there and gone moment before he took off, long legs eating up the few yards between them and the house, leaving Jake standing there, staring after him and gaping, wondering why the fuck Bradley had just done that.
“Fuck fuck fuck shit, fuck, fuck,” Bradley was chanting as Jake broke the surface of the lake, teeth already chattering and his chest feeling like it was in the middle of seizing.
“Oh—” was all Jake got out before he stopped talking, clenching his teeth together as he forced his limbs to move toward the shore, feeling the ground underneath his feet and he scrabbled to push himself to standing with a body that didn’t feel like it worked.
His limbs felt heavy from the cold, and he could feel goosebumps crawling all over his body as he stumbled a few steps as he tried to remember how to walk. The run down had been easy, the wind a little chilly but it had been easy to ignore as they ran, the silent agreement that thinking about it too long would make them stop propelling them until they reached the shore and dove in without stopping.
“Oh my god,” Bradley said, gasping next to Jake as they managed to stagger away from the lake.
Jake took off, forcing his limbs to move faster, shaking the water out of his face as he wrapped his arms around his chest and lurched up the stairs, the back deck and the lights a beacon of warmth as he made it to the top. He could hear Bradley’s thundering footsteps behind him as he made a beeline for the hot tub, climbing in and sinking down until only his head was above the water, ignoring the aching pins and needles that shot throughout his limbs. Jake’s body didn’t know what to do, or what was happening as it tried to come to terms with the two vastly different temperatures he had put it through in a short period of time.
Bradley splashed into the tub a second later, sinking down so only his nose and up was visible, the steam obscuring him a second later. Jake hunched his shoulders and tucked his legs underneath him as he rode out the last of the shivers, warmth finally beginning to sink into his bones but he still felt cold, his brain not fully caught up.
He huffed as he looked up, glaring at Bradley who had settled into the middle of the tub, his hands moving through the water and brushing over Jake’s leg from time to time. Before Jake could figure out what to say, the doorbell rang, and they frowned at each other.
“Pizza?” Jake asked, still fighting to keep his teeth from chattering.
“Early?” Bradley replied, lifting just enough out of the water he could talk.
They sat for a minute, before the doorbell rang again and Jake glared at Bradley. “Your stupid idea, you get the pizza.”
That made Bradley roll his eyes but he moved to get out. “Whatever you say sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that,” Jake replied, unable to stop his eyes from tracking over Bradley as he pushed out of the tub, water streaming off his body, his shorts rucked up higher from the plunge, run and then dip into the hot tub until Jake could see his tan line, fading into a stark white that looked delicate. Jake had seen Bradley naked, but that night was hazy and Jake was trying not to linger on it. Bradley hitched his shorts up as he grabbed one of the towels they had had the foresight to set out.
“But you’re so sweet,” Bradley replied, shooting a grin over his shoulder as he wrapped the towel around himself and opened the door to head inside.
“Bite me,” Jake snapped back automatically.
“Alright,” Bradley replied easily.
“Wait—,” Jake started, the normal retort suddenly the wrong decision but Bradley was inside before he could say anything else, his laugh echoing, leaving Jake feeling a little addled and not just because of the cold.
Every time the wind kicked up for a moment, Jake shivered, but it was a far cry from the cold from before. He reached for the last slice of the pizza, perched on the table Bradley had dragged over and settled back into the tub as he ate it, staring up at the darkening skies as he kicked his legs out, heels bracing on the other side so he could keep himself low in the water. The jets were running, one of them hitting him right in the middle of his shoulders, making it difficult to keep his balance but it was getting rid of the knot that had been there all day. He could feel his hands beginning to prune, but each gust of wind through his wet hair was a reminder of the time it would take to get out and get dressed again, and Jake knew he’d need a shower if he wanted to stay warm for the evening.
“Pizza was a good idea,” Bradley said from across the tub, mirroring the way Jake sat, his feet propped against the ledge and pressing against Jake’s thigh.
“I know,” Jake replied around a mouthful of food.
“It was my idea.”
Jake shot Bradley a grin. “You lookin’ for an ego boost pointing out how good of an idea it was then?” he asked, raising his eyebrows, trying to act normal.
The constant ‘sweethearts’ lingered in the forefront of Jake’s brain and he was trying not to think about it, or the kiss to the side of his head from earlier because it was easier than spiraling and making everything awkward, or, in a move that was actually worse in Jake’s mind, would force them to talk about everything that was happening and Jake wasn’t ready for that.
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt,” Bradley said, reaching for the beer on the table and finishing it off before setting it down and grabbed a new can, cracking it open and taking a long swallow.
“You’re gonna get drunk,” Jake pointed out, even as he finished off the slice of pizza and grabbed his own beer.
“Hopefully,” Bradley said, shoving a hand through his hair before grimacing. “It’s gonna be cold but we gotta get out eventually and I’m hoping that if I drink enough I won’t notice the cold.”
“Half a pack of shitty bud ain’t gonna do that,” Jake said, laughing.
“Hey, you’re the one who said I might get drunk so I was hopeful,” Bradley shot back with a shrug as he pushed himself until he was sitting half out of the water only to sink back down with a sigh. “We’re just gonna have to make a break for it.”
Jake had a feeling that was the case, but he wasn’t happy about it. “I thought the polar plunge was a one and done. Not something I had to do a second time.”
“It would’ve if we had run inside.”
Jake groaned and dropped his head back, looking up at the night sky and the stars that had come out when the sun had finished setting and twilight passed into full night. “I don’t wanna,” Jake admitted, even as he prepared himself for the cold.
“There’s two showers, right?” Bradley asked.
“Yeah. Upstairs has an ensuite and you get the main one.”
“Alright, so we get out and make a break for the showers without breaking our necks,” Bradley said, his legs dropping down as he sat up only to lean forward so his shoulders were still under the water. “Otherwise, we’re going to turn into soup.”
A joke about chicken noodle soup was on the tip of his tongue but Jake sighed and downed the last of his beer before setting it with the other ones. “Count of three?” he asked, shifting so he was sitting forward to avoid being in the air until the last moment.
The position brought them close, closer than Jake had intended and with the jets running it was hard to stay still. He flinched when he felt something brush his arm before a hand curled around his elbow and he was transported to the day before. He swallowed, meeting Bradley’s eyes and seeing the furrow between his brows. Before Jake could think about it, he reached up and smoothed it away with a gentle thumb, watching the look of surprise cross Bradley’s face.
“C’mon Rooster, can you count down from three? Or is that too many numbers?” Jake goaded, needing to walk them back from where he had started heading toward as he let his arm fall back in the water, but he couldn’t quite make himself pull away.
“Ass,” Bradley replied, rolling his eyes.
“So that’s a no?”
Bradley rolled his eyes again. “Fine. Ready?”
“Ready.”
“Three, two, one….go.”
“Whoever owns this house should be commended for their hot water tank,” Bradley said, appearing from the bathroom, finger combing his hair.
Jake was sitting on the couch, legs crossed as he half-read one of the books he had grabbed on the trip. He was warm from the shower and dressed in sweats, his warm sweater and socks, uncaring if he was overdressed. He was warm.
“I’ll make sure to leave that review when we leave,” Jake said, marking his place in the book as he looked up and watched Bradley collapse on the other end of the couch.
“What time do we have to check out tomorrow?” Bradley asked, propping his head on his fist as he turned to look at Jake.
“Technically we don’t have check out tomorrow,” Jake said, shrugging at Bradley’s look. “Minimum of two-night stay. But it’s 11 am on Tuesday.”
Part of him expected Bradley to say something, but Bradley just sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck, figuring out what I owe you when this is all said and done is gonna be fun,” he said, giving Jake a look.
Jake scoffed. “The fuck you talking about? You’re paying for all the gas and fuck knows that car gets what, three miles to the gallon?”
“Nine thank you very much,” Bradley said, chin lifting.
“Exactly. I haven’t paid for fucking gas since we left Los Angeles so don’t even worry about it,” Jake said, waving a hand. “I like staying in nicer places as well so there were a lot cheaper, but,” he paused and waved a hand around the cabin, “I don’t choose cheap.”
There was a look on Bradley’s face that made Jake wonder if he should expect and argument down the line but Bradley sighed and waved a hand. “Alright, alright,” he said, giving in too easy. Jake’s disbelief must have shown on his face because Bradley sighed. “Not worth the argument, sweetheart.”
“Still don’t call me that,” Jake replied.
Bradley ignored him. “So, we stay here tonight and either stay tomorrow as well or wander out wherever we wanna do next. Any ideas?”
Jake shrugged. “I don’t know the area very well.”
“Could always head over to gamble?”
For some reason that made Jake wrinkle his nose. “Are we gonna leave California?”
Bradley tilted his head to the side. “Do you wanna?”
Jake turned, relaxing back against the arm of the couch so he could look at Bradley fully, some part of him thinking about saying yes, leaving California and just driving and driving but that wasn’t realistic, and he settled for sighing and shaking his head. “Not really,” he admitted. “There’s enough to see around the state.”
“There is that.”
“Even if that does dash my dreams of visiting Virginia City for a third time and maybe finally getting to do the mining tour.”
“Thought you’d never been to Tahoe?” Bradley asked.
“Haven’t, but I’ve been to Reno a few times,” Jake explained, shrugging. “Maria always had a thing for Blackjack but she hated Vegas so we would come here. You ever been?”
“Once,” Bradley said. “I even have one of those old timey photos me and my Mom got.”
“Maria and I had one as well,” Jake said, mouth tilting up into a smile. “How old were you?”
“Nine,” Bradley said, chuckling. “I was the outlaw and Mom was the sheriff.”
“Adorable,” Jake said before he grinned and shifted to get comfortable, dropping his book on the coffee table and slouching down even more, arms crossed. “Maria was also the sheriff, and I was in a fetching dress and handcuffs as the prostitute.”
Surprised laughter burst out of Bradley as he grinned, shaking his head. “Fuck off.”
“No, seriously. I have a copy of it back home,” Jake admitted. “I thought the giant feather headband they gave me was a nice added touch. Too bad you can’t see the color, the teal looked great on me.”
“Of course it did,” Bradley said, so matter of factly that it was impossible to take as anything other than stark agreement.
Jake’s arms tightened a little bit around him, wishing he could shove down the fight or flight response that had cropped up over the last forty-eight hours. Especially since for the first time in his life he was erring toward flight instead of fight.
“So, any bright ideas? I wouldn’t mind going to Joshua Tree, I love it out there, but that’s a lot further south.”
“Joshua Tree is great,” Bradley agreed before he tilted his head to the side, staring at Jake for a long moment.
“What?” Jake asked, trying not to snap, and failing if the fond look was any indication.
Bradley grinned wide. “I have an idea. Trust me?”
“You’ve got the keys Bradshaw, do I have a choice”?
“Always. So, do you?”
Jake sighed, looking at him from the other end of the couch before he kicked out, catching Bradley’s thigh with his heel. “Yeah, against all rational thought. I do.”
Bradley wrapped a hand around Jake’s ankle, tugging gently until Jake’s legs spread out across his lap. He ignored the knowing look Jake sent him in favor of sending one of his own back. It wasn’t like Jake couldn’t get away if he wanted to. “Then I know where we’re going next.”
“Yeah, where?” Jake asked.
“Well, I don’t have specifics yet, but I’ve got an idea.”
“Oh, an idea, wow,” Jake said, shifting to get more comfortable.
“Shut up, I need to search a little, but it’ll be good, I promise.”
“Well, I’ve got some high standards now,” Jake said, before jerking his head toward the remote by Bradley’s elbow. “Think there’s a game on?” he asked, the idea of just relaxing on the couch and zoning to whatever sport was on suddenly appealing.
“I’m sure there’s something if you’re not picky,” Bradley said, grabbing the remote as he slouched further onto the couch, one hand still resting on top of Jake’s shins.
“I’m not picky at all.”
Like Jake intended, that had Bradley snorting in laughter. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
Jake bit back a groan as he woke up, his neck and upper back aching as he shifted, turning his head away from the bright sunlight shining straight on his face. It took a second for his brain to catch up to the fact he was still on the couch, curled up in a ball with his neck at an angle that reminded him he was in his mid-thirties, not his twenties. He shifted slowly, not wanting to make it any worse only to stop at a loud snore. He turned, blinking a few times to make sure he was seeing it right.
Bradley was slumped to the side against the arm of the couch, neck at an angle that made Jake grateful for how he had woken up. His arms were crossed, and his legs were stretched out on the coffee table. Jake became aware of the low murmur of the TV, and he turned to see some recap from some game the day before. It didn’t take a genius to realize they had both fallen asleep on the couch at some point in the middle of the game.
As he watched, Bradley snored again and shifted, grimacing before he slumped back into the same position and if Jake was uncomfortable, he couldn’t imagine what Bradley felt like. He finished moving, putting his legs on the ground and standing up slowly and stretching his arms up, biting back a groan at the stretch. He pressed his hands against his lower back, already picturing the flow he was going to do as soon he could get outside. Maybe onto the beach if it was as empty as it had been yesterday.
Turning, he watched Bradley shift again, the same grimace crossing his face and Jake moved before he thought about it, reaching for Bradley’s shoulder and shaking him gently. “Hey, Bradshaw. C’mon, lay down,” he said, cupping the side of Bradley’s neck and doing his best to guide him until he was laying down, trying his best not to wake Bradley up.
He got Bradley laying down, one of the couch pillows under his head and pulled his legs off the table and hooked them over the arm of the couch. As he watched, Bradley shifted and the grimace on his face smoothed out. Jake reached out as if to push Bradley’s bangs off his forehead but he stopped himself at the last moment and pulled his hand back. He stayed where he was, staring at Bradley before shaking his head he forced himself to take a step back and away. He grabbed the yoga mat he had left by the back door, tugging off his socks to leave in a pile before he left, forcing himself not to look back as he went out the back and down to the beach, to the stretch of hard packed dirt right before it moved into the rocky shoreline.
It was quiet, only the birds and the lapping of the lake to keep him company as he laid out the mat and forced himself to focus on beginning to warm up, needing to take his mind of off everything and settle into something he knew how to do and wasn’t going to make him question everything.
By the time he was walking back up the beach he had lost the sweatshirt, and his muscles burned in the best way possible, his mind felt clearer than it had the day before. He felt focused, like he could make it through the rest of this trip, however long it would last, and he would be fine.
“I was just gonna join you.” Bradley’s raspy voice sounded as Jake walked back up the stone path that led to the back deck.
Jake looked up as he climbed the stairs, taking in Bradley sitting at the outside table, sunglasses on, still dressed in what he had fallen asleep in. His hair was a mess, and he was cradling a cup of coffee like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
“Sure,” Jake said with a chuckle. “You look like it.”
“I was,” Bradley said, the corner of his mouth curling up but there was something off about the smile that set Jake’s teeth on edge. “Promise.”
“Uh-huh.”
Bradley snorted. “Whatever man, there’s a pot inside if you want some.”
Coffee suddenly sounded like the best idea. “Yeah, fuck…yeah,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face as he made his way inside, dropping the mat by his socks.
“Hey…uh, Jake?”
Jake paused and turned, frowning at Bradley’s profile. “Yeah?”
“Uh, you should grab your phone,” Bradley said, voice suddenly more subdued. “Email and then group chat.”
It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together and Jake sighed, the real world suddenly looming on the horizon, creeping closer and he wondered how much time he had. “Alright.”
Lt. Seresin,
Please report to Coronado Base to Admiral Simpson at 0800 on Monday…
[Dagger Group Chat]
Fanboy: seems like my fun extra leave is over except I’m heading back to Coronado instead of Oceana? Ben is as well, wonder if they’re bringing us back for more debriefing?
Halo: me and Omaha are supposed to be back there as well. 0800 to Cyclone. They wouldn’t bring us back for the debrief.
Bob: I received the same email.
Phoenix: same
Fritz: so like, assumption we’re all being pulled back, why?
Fanboy: 2Fast2Uranium?
Halo: no
Fanboy: c’mon!
Javy: I got the summons as well
Rooster: Same summons.
Harvard: goddamn time to book a flight
Jake stayed standing, staring at his phone as the texts kept rolling in everyone from the detachment chiming in with the same information Jake had gotten in an email promptly delivered at eight am. He watched as the group chat delved into a discussion about their plans and how they were planning on getting back. His hand ached from how tightly he was holding his phone and he sighed, warring between excitement that he could get back up in the air and the lingering sense of…whatever he was feeling about Bradley.
It wouldn’t be able to stay a secret for long, Jake knew he and Bradley wouldn’t be able to go back to what they were and the whole trip would come spilling out because pilots were the worst kinds of gossip. Jake suddenly felt like the little bubble he had been in had been popped and now he was left floundering, trying to figure it all out.
His phone buzzed in his hand.
Javy: you see it?
Me: yep.
Javy: dinner on Saturday?
Me: normal place?
Javy: it’s a date. U better have some good stories, because oh my god the shit we have to tell u. Beth is writing up a bullet point list as we speak
Me: a woman after my own heart. Is it color coded again?
Javy: yes
Me: I love her.
Javy: i’m surrounded by nerds
Jake chuckled, thumbing back to the original group chat to see them now all talking about meeting up and he swallowed, shaking his head as he tossed the phone onto the bed without replying before heading downstairs, pouring himself a cup of coffee, walking and collapsing into the chair across from Bradley and taking a sip. It was still hot and had the slightly acidic taste of coffee that had been sitting in a mylar bag for too long. It was perfect.
“Wonder what they want us all back for?” Bradley asked, breaking the silence.
“No fucking clue,” Jake said, wishing he had brought his sunglasses so he could hide his face better. “You gonna ask Mav?”
Bradley grimaced. “Thought about it, not sure if I wanna hear the answer from him or not.”
“Why? I thought things were good.”
Bradley was silent for a moment before he shrugged. “We…still have some shit to work out. He uh, kinda tried to stop me from joining the Navy at all and so we didn’t talk for a long time and still need to talk about that. Things are good between us, but we haven’t really tested that fully yet. He’s also on his way to retirement so I don’t think he’ll know.”
“Sounds complicated,” Jake said, figuring there was a lot more to the story than that. He also was surprised that he wanted to know, but he kept quiet.
“It is,” Bradley said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’ll just have to suffer in silence with the rest of you.”
Bradley’s phone was buzzing on the table, chat no doubt still going off but Jake had never been that active in it to begin with, so he wasn’t worried. “You gonna say anything else?” he asked, nodding toward the phone.
“Not yet,” Bradley said, downing the last of the coffee before setting the cup on the table with a thud. He sighed and pushed his glasses up into his hair before rubbing his hands over his face for a moment before he leaned forward, elbows on the table, hands clasped and pinned Jake with a look that made him want to run. “Us.”
“They left us alone and we became friends. They’ll get over it,” Jake said, playing stupid.
“Jake.”
“What?”
Bradley rolled his eyes. “C’mon, it’s more than friends and you know it.”
“Not the way I’m reading what’s happening.”
“You’re so stubborn,” Bradley said, sounding so fond that Jake couldn’t be there anymore.
“I need to shower,” Jake said, standing to head back inside, needing to get away.
“Jake,” Bradley snapped, the sound of the chair scraping and thudding footsteps before a hand wrapped around his elbow and pulled him to a stop before he could make it to the stairs.
Jake whirled, glaring at Bradley who stepped back, hands up and wide, fingers spread to the side. “C’mon, we need to talk about it.”
“Do we?” Jake demanded, hackles rising as he lifted his chin, arms crossed. “Tell me why you kissed me.”
Bradley wouldn’t have an answer, Jake was sure of it. Not in less than forty-eight hours. Not a good one.
Bradley had always been good at doing what Jake didn’t want him to.
“I don’t know why I kissed you. I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking, I was just doing. So maybe it was your smile or how much fun we’d be having but what I do know is that I want to kiss you now because this has been more fun than anything I had expected. And I don’t want it to end.”
Jake’s jaw ached from where he was clenching his teeth and he glared at Bradley, hating how he always did this. He never did what Jake expected him to and it was infuriating and frustrating and so many other things that Jake didn’t even know how to quantify but he knew he needed to get out of his argument and the easiest way was the same way it had always been. Picking a fight. Jake opened his mouth, digging for something to send them down that path only for Bradley to keep talking.
“I want you, and you know what. I know you want me as well. But you built a wall and the only way to get through is to answer an arbitrary question because I think you’re scared—”
“—I’m not fuckin scar—”
“—you’re scared and I don’t know why.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I wonder why I’m fucking scar—apprehensive, Rooster. By your own admission you have commitment issues, and I keep dating the wrong person time and time again.”
Bradley scoffed, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest, pinning Jake with a look that was reading him as if he was an open book and few people ever could, but somehow Bradley was.
“Well, I’m not exactly gonna be done in for armed fucking robbery so I think you’ll be fine,” Bradley snapped, his arms crossed over his chest as he tried not to glare at Jake, not when he could see the wild, fragile desperation on Jake’s face.
Jake looked hollow, the shadows making the dark circles under his eyes appear darker, his cheekbones more pronounced, like the world was pulling everything it could from him and Bradley didn’t know how to fix it.
If Bradley let himself think about it, Jake looked scared. And that more than anything terrified Bradley because he had never seen that. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe Jake wasn’t capable of fear. Everyone was afraid of something. But Jake never let it hold him back, and the fact that Jake looked scared of this made Bradley’s chest ache. He wanted to erase all of it, but he knew pulling Jake into a hug, a kiss, none of that would fix him. Only time could fix that hurt, and Bradley wanted nothing more than to be given the time. Despite all of this, Bradley could see the corner of Jake’s lip twitching up into a smile at the robbery comment, only to be smoothed back out a second later but it was a break in the fear and Bradley stepped forward, glad when Jake didn’t move back.
“I want you, and I can’t promise I won’t be terrified the next time I get deployed but fuck, you’ve never let me get away with shit so why do you think you would then?”
Jake was silent before he inclined his head. “True,” he said, voice hoarse as if he had been screaming for hours. “But, maybe, and this might be a crazy idea, but maybe I don’t want to have to fucking push my partner to want to stay with me.”
It was a good point, and made Bradley think about Maria leaving, and the utter hatred he felt for two people he had never met when he thought about Jake’s parents. Bradley inhaled sharply as realization struck, staring at Jake in the middle of some fucking Air B&B that cost more than Bradley wanted to know, two weeks into whatever this was, all the little bits of information finally coming together to give him a better picture of Jake.
Jake, who could’ve fought for Maria easily, who could’ve gone home and tried to make it work because there was something about the way he had been invited to the wedding, the way he was still part of the Machado family and clearly loved by them that had stuck in Bradley’s mind as a woman who might not be as over Jake as she said she was. Jake was smart, and funny, motivated and handsome and he didn’t care about a lot of people, but Bradley had the feeling that the ones he did hold near and dear he would do anything for.
Jake, who never lied and listened, who loved books and gift shops and old ghost towns that had almost been forgotten by time. Jake, who could see five steps ahead but still stumble over something small because he had never been given the proper tools because he had had parents who left him behind, he had been engaged and had been left behind and he was holding himself back because Bradley had told him he would be one of them.
That Bradley’s own commitment issues would cause him to run away, so Jake was protecting himself. Jake was saying no time and time again because he had been hurt so many times, he had been left behind, the same way he had earned his callsign because that was how Jake had been raised and childhood experiences lingered in way people didn’t always realize.
Jake wanted someone to choose him. To want to stay with him and not run away. To not look at him and see a burden.
“I can’t promise forever, you wouldn’t believe me anyway,” Bradley said carefully, wanting to step forward and wrap Jake into a hug but he stayed where he was, suddenly seeing the tightrope he was walking for what it was.
They pushed each other, it was what they did. And they would keep doing it because they made each other better in so many ways. But not about this. Bradley couldn’t force Jake into this decision, and Jake couldn’t force Bradley to stay when his deployment orders came around. They had to choose it, and he couldn’t push Jake like he had been doing the day before, calling Jake sweetheart, staying close, taking more and more photos because Jake was his new favorite thing to photograph.
“But I want to try. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But you make me want to try and I…,” Bradley stopped and shook his head. “Life can be short, but I want to try. Because you’re funny and stubborn and so fucking smart it pisses me off almost all the time. You’re so good at flying it makes me wanna be a better person and this?” He waved a hand between them. “This has legs. This, whatever it is. It’s something, and I wanna run, sweetheart.”
Jake wasn’t moving, it didn’t look like he was breathing. Bradley took a step forward, hands still spread out to the side like he was approaching a wild animal. Thankfully, Jake didn’t move, just kept staring at Bradley with wide eyes, mouth twisted into a thin line.
Bradley thought about Nat and her phone call, and he’d tell her she was right one day, because Bradley couldn’t tell Jake that. Even if he was still half-convinced, he was falling in love with Jake, he knew Jake would never believe it because it was too soon.
“Look,” Bradley said when it seemed like Jake wasn’t going to talk.
“Bradley…this,” Jake started, interrupting only to go quiet.
“Look,” Bradley repeated, taking another small step forward. “I meant what I said. Forever? I’m not that stupid to think that’s what this is right now.” If he ever told Nat this, she was going to call him a liar in every language she could find. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen, hell it might not work out for other reasons. But I want to try, and you want to try as well otherwise you wouldn’t have kissed me yesterday.”
Jake’s hand came up, rubbing over his mouth before he dropped his face into his hands and let out a long, aggravated groan that had Bradley’s mouth curling up into a smile. “This is…you…,” Jake sighed and dropped his hand away from his face, looking directly at Bradley as his shoulders pulled back and he stood up taller, looking more like himself and it made Bradley relax.
“Look,” Jake said, clasping his hands together as he stepped closer until Bradley could reach out and touch if he let himself. He opened his mouth, before he closed it and sighed. “Fuck it,” he said finally, throwing his arms up in the air. “Fine.”
“Way to sound enthused, sweetheart,” Bradley said, still grinning, unable to help himself.
“I’m apprehensive,” Jake replied, arms crossed. “We’re barely friends and now what, dating?”
Bradley closed the distance between them, reaching out to cup Jake’s elbows, rubbing his thumbs over Jake’s skin and shrugging. “Well, think of it this way. If this doesn’t work, I don’t actually think we’ll end up as bad as we were.”
That got a startled bark of laughter out of Jake as he shook his head, lifting one hand to rub it over his face before he sighed. “Fuck,” he repeated, staring at Bradley. “You’re not wrong.”
“Been waiting a long time for you to say that,” Bradley said getting a huff from Jake as he shifted closer and wrapped his arms around Jake as he kept talking, fully prepared to go at whatever pace Jake wanted to set. “I’m glad you’re finally acknowledging that I’m right. You’ve existed in this random made up world where I’m not right most of the time and like to pretend that—”
“—just, shut up,” Jake interrupted, before he kissed Bradley and Bradley kissed back, smiling as he wrapped arms around Jake and just held him.
Notes:
jake: rents a place with 2 bedrooms
jake and bradley: fall asleep on the couch together
Chapter 12
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Okay, so I have a plan,” Bradley said, driving them out of Tahoe with one hand on the wheel, the other holding a giant iced coffee, shaking it as he spoke so the ice rattled.
They had debated if they wanted to spend the second night in Tahoe, and decided against it. For as much as Jake wanted to curl up in bed in the loft with Bradley and sleep before waking up to the sunrise over the lake, the looming specter of the end of their leave had put a time limit on the trip, especially with Jake’s plans to see Javy. There had also been rumblings of a group meet-up on Friday as it seemed most of the squad wanted to get back with a few days to spare to settle in. Jake didn’t blame them, he knew he needed to get back, deal with the backlog of everything he had been ignoring, and get a haircut before Monday. He rolled his head to the side to look at Bradley, at the beard that had fully moved past five o’clock shadow into mountain man, and the way his hair was flopping over his forehead, curling over his ears. Jake wasn’t the only one who needed a haircut and a shave.
“Alright, I’ll bite,” Jake said when Bradley didn’t continue, pushing all the things he needed to do to the back of his mind in favor of focusing on the now. “What’s this plan of yours?”
His mouth was still buzzing from kissing Bradley, and he swore he could still feel hands on his hips, but it felt like a dream, almost like it hadn’t happened. But it had. Jake didn’t know how he felt about it now that the adrenaline of the almost argument had faded. He was happy, but he could also feel the fragility of everything between them. The spiderweb connections they had formed over the course of the trip, one wrong move would be all it took to send it crumbling to the ground. But Bradley wanted to try, and Jake could only push him away so many times until he was lying to himself, and he knew there had been no other option to try as well because he wanted.
“So, the plan is kinda long,” Bradley said, shaking his drink again before taking a sip and setting it down in the cupholder so he could drive with two hands.
Jake wasn’t paying attention to the outside world as they drove, his head turned so he could watch Bradley who had a small frown forming as the road got windier, leaning forward as if that would help him drive. They could all take sharp turns in the air, but Jake had seen more than one pilot over the years do the same thing, leaning forward, slowing down as they took turns because they all had better than average reflexes. But in the skies, you didn’t have to worry about staying in the lane like you did on the ground.
“Gonna tell me or keep pushing to try and sound mysterious?” Jake asked.
Bradley huffed, shaking his head. “So, tonight. We’re going to need lodgings in Lee Vining.”
“Lee Vining?” Jake repeated, even as he grabbed his phone to start looking.
“Closest town to where I wanna go,” Bradley explained. “We’re gonna go there first, should get there a little before lunch so we can grab something on the way. That should take us most of the afternoon and we stay in Lee Vining tonight.”
“Alright,” Jake said, beginning to search for hotels, forcing himself not to look up what was nearby. “Is that it?”
“No. Tomorrow there's something else I wanna show you that I think you’ll enjoy and, there’s this fun hotel my Mom and I loved to stay at. The Mt. Williamson Motel & Basecamp which is a little further south so we can stay there on Tuesday night and then make our way down to Joshua Tree on Wednesday. I don’t really have anything planned for Wednesday aside from getting to Joshua Tree so we can do what we’ve done best and find stuff along the way before staying in Joshua Tree Wednesday night and Thursday before we head back to San Diego on Friday, does that work for you?”
Jake paused in the middle of looking at a review for one of the hotels and looked over at Bradley again. “Oh, is that all?” he asked, fingers tapping against the back of his phone.
“We don’t have a lot of time,” Bradley said, rolling his shoulders. “Honestly I think we’re lucky we have until next week and they didn’t want us back on base by Wednesday or something.”
Jake looked out the window at the scenery as it raced past, the car tilted down as they headed out of the mountains, moving south toward something Bradley wanted to show him. He wasn’t worried about where they were going. He sincerely doubted Bradley would take him on some boat or something equally as stupid the day they decided to make a go of it, but he wanted to know.
“True,” Jake agreed. The Navy, for all it saved Jake and he loved it, was not prone to flights of fancy. If the Navy needed them, the Navy would expect them to be there when they said. “You hear from Mav?”
“Not yet, had other things on my mind,” Bradley said, shooting a quick smile at Jake. “You okay with the plan?”
Jake stared at the side of Bradley’s face, thinking back to that morning, to staring at Bradley, his entire body itching with the need to run, to get out before he was hurt again but he had been rooted on the spot, staring at the earnest expression on Bradley’s face as he kept talking, finding Jake’s worries and fears and pulling them out of the dark and into the open where Jake had to face them or run. And he wanted to run, he wanted to turn and leave but he had stayed. Because the more Bradley spoke the more Jake wanted to see where it went even though it was obvious neither of them had any idea what they were doing.
“Yeah, darlin’, I’ll let you surprise me,” Jake said, smiling at Bradley’s profile, watching as Bradley smiled, the apples of his cheeks taking on the ruddy flush that always appeared along with his happiness. “Better be good though.”
“Oh, you’ll like this,” Bradley said, so self-assured that Jake could feel some of the niggling doubts fade away.
Taking the first step was difficult, but Jake had taken it and all he could do was keep walking forward. “Alright, holdin’ you to it.”
“Wouldn’t expect anything less, sweetheart,” Bradley replied.
Jake rolled his eyes at the term of endearment, but he didn’t bother to hide the pleased smile as he looked down at his phone and started to find a place to stay the next few nights, narrowing the search for hotels or motels with vacancies and ignoring all the cabin rentals. They didn’t need two or more rooms, they were expensive.
Jake was aware of Bradley’s eyes as he planted his hands on the hips and looked at the display. They were deep in the middle of nowhere, in a town that had a higher elevation than the population, a one-bar kind of town that most people assumed Jake was from. He let them make their assumptions, it was easier than trying to explain a lot of things he didn’t feel like sharing.
“What?” Jake asked, not turning around as he kept reading over the different sandwich types.
The gas station in the town was better than Jake expected, probably because it was one of the few ones and so had enough traffic to warrant better quality food, but it still wasn’t much better than most. Jake had been to more than one of them over the years, the bright white lights, the low droning buzz, and the vague lemony smell of chemical grade cleaner.
“Waiting for you to decide,” Bradley said. “It’s not rocket science.”
“There’s an art to this,” Jake said, dismissing the tuna salad because…no, and he had never been a fan of a PB&J.
“There is?” Bradley asked, amused.
“Never had food poisoning so yes,” Jake said, ignoring the chicken salad as well because that always seemed like a bad idea. The cooler was chilled, but it was an open front so he didn’t trust it to be kept as cool as it should be.
“Really, never?”
“Nope.”
“Seriously?”
Jake looked at Bradley and raised his eyebrows. “No, why are you so surprised?”
Bradley’s glasses were hooked in the front of his shirt, dragging the collar down so Jake could make out the beginning of the spray of freckles he remembered from the night in Napa, and he suddenly felt a little hot under the collar. He swallowed and forced his eyes to meet Bradley’s seeing the raised eyebrows and the slightly smug look on his face. Jake raised his eyebrows, waiting for Bradley to respond.
“Dunno man, be in the Navy as long as we have and you’re bound to come across some shit,” Bradley said. “And you said you travel a lot, so I figured something would have gotten you?”
“You’re not wrong,” Jake said, looking back at the cooler and his eyes drifted to the ham and cheese. The cheese would be plastic, and the ham would be sweet and a little sour from the vinegar used to cure it. The mayo would be flavorless and he could already see how limp the lettuce was. He sighed grabbed it and turned, stopping when he realized Bradley was still watching him. “What?”
“All that, and you got the same one as me?” Bradley asked, tilting the sandwich to show Jake he had grabbed the same sandwich.
“Had to make sure,” Jake replied, shrugging as he headed toward the back to grab a drink as well as a bag of chips. Might as well make a full meal out of it.
He was aware of Bradley still staring at him and he sighed again, grabbing a second bag for the trip before he turned back to Bradley to explain. “I only eat at nice places when I’m traveling by myself. I have nothing against a hole in a wall, but we didn’t have much growing up and my parents weren’t really cooks so we ate out a lot, so when I do eat out now I don’t wanna eat at places like that.”
Watching Bradley as he did, he saw the way the man’s lips pursed before he pressed them into a tight line and nodded his head once. “Makes sense,” he said in a blank tone of voice.
Perhaps one of the redeeming qualities of them starting this relationship with their history was that Jake knew when Bradley was biting something back. “What?”
For a second it looked like Bradley wasn’t going to reply before he sighed and shook his head. “Nothin…just. You said you didn’t have much growing up, and the more you tell me about them, I’m beginning to think you didn’t have anything.”
Years ago, Jake might have figured out a way to defend his parents. They weren’t bad people per say, but Jake wasn’t sure they had been good either. They had just been the sort of people who, when given a responsibility, would make sure to finish it out. Jake had been that responsibility and they had made sure he lived until adulthood and didn’t die from a preventable disease. But, Jake had long since given up because the more he got to know other parents the more it hurt. Especially since Jake knew enough about himself to know he had inherited that trait, for better or for worse. When he had a job to do, he was gonna do it. But he was going to do it well, and they hadn’t done that.
“Yeah, well. It’s easier to say that than to point out I didn’t get hit or a whole host of other shit that could’ve happened. Wasn’t good, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there’s a whole lot of people who would find out about my after-school special background and nod as if that explained everything, but. Could’ve had it worse,” Jake said, shrugging as he stepped to move past Bradley, only to stop when a hand gripped his elbow.
“It doesn’t explain everything,” Bradley said, frowning at him.
Jake chuckled. “Darlin’, I appreciate the attempt, but a month ago you would’ve been one of those people.”
Bradley’s nose wrinkled the way it always did when Jake called him out on something he knew to be true. “Well, it doesn’t explain everything,” Bradley amended with a sigh, squeezing Jake’s elbow before dropping his hand. “Just makes me sad anytime you bring up something about them, that’s it.”
It was an insane place to be having this discussion. In a gas station market, standing between a wall of brightly colored bags of chips on one side and various home goods on the other side. The sun was half tucked behind some clouds, and a single light was flickering, adding to the bizarre quality of the interaction. Bradley was staring at him, puppy dog eyes out in full force, a determined look on his face as if him caring enough could erase all of Jake’s shitty history. It was cute, and so fucking typical of Rooster that Jake couldn’t help but be charmed by it.
“Don’t be,” Jake said, patting Bradley on the side before he headed toward the front checkout, breaking the moment between them. “I’m good. I’ve made my peace with it and I’m doing good.”
“Well, I haven’t made my peace with it,” Bradley muttered as he followed Jake, trying to nudge him out of the way as he set his food down next to Jake’s.
Jake stood fast, glancing around for the worker. “I can pay.”
“This is my plan so I’m paying,” Bradley said, hip-checking him out of the way with a glare.
“Bossy, bossy,” Jake said, hitting the small bell when he couldn’t see a worker. “It’s gonna be like ten dollars.”
“Ten dollars is still something,” Bradley replied, glaring at Jake when he made to grab his wallet.
Jake rolled his eyes and gave up. It wasn’t worth the effort, especially when Bradley got on this kind of tear. “You’re certified.”
“You like me anyway,” Bradley replied, grabbing his keys out of his pocket and handing them over before making a shooing motion toward Jake as the worker began to meander toward the front, looking like he had all the time in the world, especially since he looked like he had been here since time began. The sort of person Jake had expected to be here, a lifer who had never dreamed of something bigger, or if he had something in his life that had kept him there, unable to leave.
The sort of person Jake imagined his parents to be when he had enough drinks in him and was in a shitty mood to begin with. Stuck in the past because they had lost their original future plans and never made new ones. In his better moments, he hoped they figured out what to do with their lives, and that neither of them ever had any more kids.
“I’m certified then,” Jake replied, forcing his mind away from that train of thought, grinning when Bradley flipped him off and began to make small talk, a small smile on his face and so fucking gorgeous in the casual confidence he extruded that Jake kept finding himself breathless.
Jake kept watching for a moment before he noticed the furtive glances his way and figured Bradley had some questions to ask about their destination. He rolled his eyes but left, making his way outside tossing the keys in his hand and catching them as he wondered what the fuck he was getting into with Bradley.
“Can I open my eyes yet?” Jake asked, relaxing back as he felt the car start moving again after a short hushed convo Bradley had to pay to get into wherever the fuck he was being taken.
Being asked to close his eyes for the second time in a few days amused Jake, and he hadn’t been able to stop smiling even as he felt the smooth road underneath him give way to bumpy gravel, the car rocking and jerking. It made Jake think of the road out to the Enchanted Woods, the argument in the rain and it didn’t feel like it had been a few days ago. It felt like months had passed, the emotions from the argument muted in favor of what he was feeling right then.
It didn’t feel quite like joy, but it was close. If he was a more optimistic person, he would be inclined to believe it was hope, but he didn’t know what he was hoping for. For it not to blow up in his face?
“Not yet,” Bradley replied. “We’re close though.”
“Are we now?” Jake asked, curiosity burning in his gut.
“Yes, we are,” Bradley said before the car suddenly stopped and the engine was turned off.
Jake kept his eyes closed through sheer force of will alone, waiting for the go-ahead. It was difficult, his fingers drumming over his knee as he waited, wanting to know. A few weeks back he wouldn’t have even considered trusting Bradley enough to do this, but things had changed in ways that kept becoming apparent to Jake. He turned his head in the direction of the driver’s seat, raising his eyebrows and hoping that was enough to spur Bradley into action and let him actually see wherever it was they were.
“The amount of judgment you can convey with your eyes close is kinda impressive,” Bradley said, amusement clear.
“I am waiting patiently,” Jake said, making sure his tone conveyed that patience was soon wearing thin.
“Yeah, yeah, you can open them,” Bradley said, exasperated but clearly fond.
Jake opened his eyes and jerked back as something waved in his face before he snatched it out of Bradley’s hands, staring down at the pamphlet, the words ‘Bodie State Historic Park’ written on the front. Jake stared at it before his head shot up and he stared out the window to the unpaved road that led to the dilapidated town in front of him, the few people milling around in small groups.
“Fuck off, a ghost town?” Jake asked, shooting a wide grin at Bradley as he opened the door and got out. “You hate ghosts though.”
Jake could see the decay even from a distance, the way the buildings tilted to the side, the worn quality of the entire town. It looked stuck in time, a relic from the past and Jake couldn’t help but start heading into town, not bothering to wait for Bradley as excitement overtook him.
“So, I checked about that,” Bradley said, falling into step next to Jake as they headed into town.
It was warm when he was standing in the sun, despite the chill in the air. Jake briefly debated getting a sweater, but he figured it would be fine. He figured he’d be moving, and it wasn’t like the car wasn’t that far away if he really needed it. They’d need to eat the lunch they bought at some point as well.
“You checked, huh?” Jake asked, looking down at the brochure Bradley had clearly grabbed and opened it, beginning to read as he walked.
“I did, and this is a true ghost town, as in no one lives here, but it’s not a haunted ghost town which is the important distinction,” Bradley said, getting Jake’s attention as he lifted his head from the brochure. “Also, did you know—”
“—I feel like you’re making fun of me,” Jake said, eyeing Bradley.
Bradley grinned. “I would never—”
“—liar—”
“—according to the website this entire town is in arrested decay as in, they don’t do anything to make it better, just do their best to keep it like this,” Bradley finished.
“No shit?” Jake asked, actually interested despite the shit-eating grin Bradley was giving him.
As he watched the shit-eating grin faded into something a little softer as Bradley nodded. “Yeah, it was why I decided on this one instead of one of the dozens in the area. California Gold Rush has made it a gold mine for ghost towns.”
“Pun intended?”
“Very much so,” Bradley said, lifting the camera and beginning to adjust something. “That being said, I don’t actually know if there’s any towns at all that have entire town-wide haunted situations going on but I’m never gonna go if there is one just as a heads up.”
Jake chuckled, watching as Bradley began to take photos. “So, you don’t want to do the San Diego Ghost Tour with me?” he asked, enjoying the series of emotions that ran over Bradley’s face as he dropped the camera and looked over at Jake with a mixture of resignation and fear. “Or go to the Whaley House? You know it’s apparently the most haunted house in America and it’s right in the heart of San Diego.”
Bradley’s mouth was pulled down into a frown. “No,” he said, bluntly as he shook his head and looked back at the town. “Nope, nada, nien, non, no.”
Jake laughed again, bumping his arm against Bradley’s. “Fine. I’ll drag Halo with me, she loves those fucking things even though she’ll get nightmares for a week after.”
“Have fun without me, forever and ever,” Bradley said, waving a hand.
“We will,” Jake replied, opening the brochure back up as they made it to the start of the town and he made a beeline to the church, remembering what the brochure had said. “So, apparently this is the only standing church, there was a Catholic church but that burned down in 1928.”
Bradley was easily keeping pace with Jake, and when he looked over Bradley had the camera already pointing at him. Jake rolled his eyes. “Creeper,” he said, ignoring Bradley as he made his way up the stairs that would lead into the church.
“You look good, can’t help it,” Bradley said, quick steps thudding up behind him before Jake felt Bradley grab his hand and entwine their fingers before squeezing gently. Jake paused at the top of the stairs and looked down at their hands. It wasn’t that he had never held hands before, Jake just hadn’t expected it for some reason. Which, considering Bradley’s modus operandi tended toward going all in whenever he made a decision, he shouldn’t be surprised. But he still was.
It was startling to think how different things had been that morning. “I’m always good, Rooster,” Jake said, looking back up at Bradley who looked a little worried, but that cleared in favor as Bradley leaned in and leered at him.
“Hell yeah you are, baby,” Bradley said, before tugging him into the church.
Jake remembered Los Angeles, eating a burger in the back of the Bronco, not sure what they were doing or what would happen the next day, dreading his empty apartment filled with memories and nothing else because he had never put roots down. It was a vast difference as they finished reorganizing the back of the Bronco so they could actually sit, Jake’s pile of books a lot taller than he expected as he gave it a sheepish glance, wondering if he would have room in the bookcases in his apartment or not. Somehow they had collected more things than either of them had realized and it hadn’t been as easy as they had thought to sit in the back and eat.
But they managed, and now Jake was looking across the town, eating the sandwich he had deliberated on and he was glad he had gone with this one. They had done their best to keep them cool, but any of the others would’ve been ruined. Not that the ham and cheese was that much better.
“You know, this is still better than half the shit I’ve had on a carrier,” Bradley said, staring down at the sandwich as if it personally offended him.
It wasn’t the worst thing Jake had ever had, but the bread was dry, and it had that gummy texture when he chewed it that reminded him of his childhood, the free breakfasts, and lunches he would get because his parents couldn’t afford a lot.
“That is a low standard,” Jake said, forcing his mind away from the past as he looked back at Bradley who was scrolling through the photos with one hand as he ate with the other.
It was becoming a familiar sight, Bradley half paying attention to the world around him as he looked through his photos, searching for something in one of the photos he was taking. Jake never knew what he was looking for, and he wanted to ask, especially since he figured Bradley would answer. But it still felt awkward because, despite a lot of evidence to the contrary, Jake figured everything Bradley took photos of was private until he decided which ones he wanted to share.
“Dinner will be better,” Bradley said with a sort of forced optimism that made Jake snort in amusement, finally causing Bradley to look up.
His hair was wild, made worse by the sunglasses pushed up into it and Jake hadn’t seen him actually try and tame it in at least a week. His beard was full, and Jake was sure he was going to end up with beard burn over the next few days. “You’re going to have a hell of a time meeting Navy grooming standards in a few days,” he said, reminding himself he was allowed to touch as he reached out and poked Bradley in the jaw.
Bradley snorted. “Oh, I am well aware of what I need to do to get back to those,” he said, shaking his head. “Every time I go on leave it happens. So, I have a solid routine. And a good barber.”
“Not the base barber?”
Bradley shuddered before looking at Jake with wide eyes. “Don’t tell me you go to him?”
“Every time,” Jake said with a grin, settling back against the side of the car as he took another large bite of the sandwich. “And he makes me look good.”
“Baby I get the feeling you look good because you look good, despite whatever that man does to hair.”
Jake chuckled, shaking his head as Bradley gave him a long, slow, once over before meeting his eyes with a wink. “You’re an idiot,” Jake said, not able to keep the fondness out of his voice.
“So, they say,” Bradley agreed, finishing the last of his sandwich with a grimace. “Seriously, this is…not good.”
“We can grab something when we get back to civilization,” Jake said, waving a hand. “This is just to tide us over while we explore the other half of the city.”
“A whole other half,” Bradley said, aiming to look interested but he fell short. “Yay.”
“This was your place,” Jake reminded him as he finished the sandwich as well and moved to get out of the car, already itching to get moving. “And there’s a gift shop.”
“So, I’ll lose you in there for at least an hour?” Bradley joked as he stood up, stretching his arms up overhead with a groan.
“Oh yeah, especially since it's in the only building that has been renovated and turned into the gift shop and museum,” Jake said, recalling what he had read.
“What sort of museum?” Bradley asked, grabbing all their trash and shoving it in a bag to throw away later.
“About mining,” Jake explained, waving a hand around them. “Same as most of them. I swear mines are the number one reason for most towns to dry up you know? They get everything they can out and then the town dies as everyone moves on leaving all of this behind.”
“What is the number two reason?” Bradley asked, grabbing his camera and closing the hatch before they started to walk back into town.
The sun was behind them, and Jake could feel it beating down on the back of his neck, the chill gone in favor of heat from the bright sun. His shirt was beginning to stick to his back and he had a fleeting thought about sunscreen before he dismissed it.
“Ghosts, clearly,” Jake said, looking over at Bradley stumbled for a moment before glaring at him. Jake kept his face straight. “No, seriously. Mining is a hard, dangerous job. Think about all the people who died in there, and the towns weren’t even that safe to begin with. Lawless places, most of them were community justice and when it’s a bunch of men who are trying to make something of themselves, well…,” Jake trailed off and shrugged, looking around the town that suddenly felt a little bit creepier and he could feel his heart beating faster in a way that made him want to smile. “Mine might have died off, or it might’ve been shut down for reasons no one can ever explain.”
There hadn’t been a lot of people exploring to begin with, but most of them had moved on by now, getting there earlier than Jake and Bradley had and the few workers he could see standing around were talking to each other. The lower sun was causing the buildings to cast long shadows, causing cold spots to appear when they walked through them, the desert leeching heat with ease.
Bradley bumped against his arm and Jake glanced at him, seeing the furtive glances and the way his shoulders were suddenly up around his ears. Jake felt a little guilty since he knew Bradley believed, especially when he thought back to the boat out to Alcatraz and how much Bradley had helped him. Hit bit back the fond grin as he reached out, snagging Bradley’s elbow to get his attention. “Bypasses.”
“What?” Bradley asked, head whipping around to look at Jake.
“Towns were built where there was water or something they could get from the land,” Jake explained, waving a hand around them, “but sometimes that dried up but they kept on going on because people lived there, families and whatnot. But, then the world gets bigger, cars get made and we get bypasses built in because it’s easier to drive them so the towns dry up because the cars aren’t driving through anymore.”
“Bypasses,” Bradley repeated before he nodded, but there was still a tension to him Jake suddenly felt bad about.
“We’re lazy, baby. We’re always gonna take the easiest path,” Jake said, reaching out and grabbing Bradley’s hand to curl their fingers together, squeezing Bradley’s hand.
“Not really my experience,” Bradley replied, letting Jake tug him toward the Mining Hall, figuring a brightly lit gift shop would be the better choice than taking him toward the cemetery.
“Well, most of the world does, we’re just special,” Jake replied.
“Well, that’s certainly fucking true.”
“So, what’s it called?” Bradley asked, dropping back onto the bed with a groan, stretching out, glad that Jake had opted for a king-sized bed, for more than one reason. He couldn’t help but smile as he thought about the look on Jake’s face when they got to the room, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. Bradley wasn’t gonna say anything, not when it benefited him.
“What’s what called?” Jake asked, the bed dipping as he sat.
Bradley turned his head in time to see Jake flop back onto the bed, stretching his arms over his head with a groan deep enough that Bradley had to swallow a few times to get enough moisture in his mouth to reply, eyes distracted by the strip of skin revealed by his shirt riding up. Bradley wanted to find his camera right then and there. “The book you bought,” he said instead.
He knew Jake had been trying to be sneaky about it, both of them had seen the giant pile of books in the back of the car, half of them started and dog-eared as Jake picked his way through them. Each time Jake bought a book Bradley felt like he was getting another insight into the man with his fascination with random, unique history that was so localized Bradley was sure that the majority of the world hadn’t even been aware a book could be written about those places, assuming they even knew they existed to begin with.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jake said, dropping his arm over his face.
“Uh, huh,” Bradley replied, levering himself up with a groan, full from dinner and sleepy from a day walking in the sun but he didn’t want to go to sleep yet, not when his time with Jake was beginning to wind down, each second taking them closer to closer to when Bradley would have to share Jake.
“C’mon,” he said, poking Jake in the side, getting a groan in response, Jake batting at his hand.
Jake sighed. Long and loud and dramatic. “Boudoirs to Brothels. It’s about women who were widowed or fallen, and their role in the Wild West and what they did to survive.”
“Really?” Bradley asked, dropping to his elbow next to Jake and trying to make out the look on his face. “Sounds depressing.”
Jake shrugged before he dropped his arm, meeting Bradley’s eyes. “Probably will be, but still a part of history, a big part especially in a lot of frontier towns. And once you read one history book about a mining town you’ve read most of them, so this was a little different.”
“You ever been to trivia?” Bradley asked.
“What?” The confused look at the non sequitur made Bradley smile and lean in and kiss Jake just because he could. And because he liked the way Jake’s face softened each time he did.
“Trivia. Bar trivia? You know, you get a team together and you go and have a few drinks and then play the game,” Bradley explained.
“No,” Jake said slowly. “Why?”
“You’re on my team,” Bradley said, dropping back down onto the bed, one arm thrown across Jake’s waist, wondering what his stance on cuddling was. “Fuckin’ Nat has beaten me every time we’ve gone and now that she’s got Bob it’s gonna be even worse. You’re gonna be my ace up my sleeve. Everyone’s gonna be staring at you because you’re so fucking pretty and then you’ll answer everything right and I’ll win.”
Jake snorted, rolling his eyes as he turned his head to look at Bradley, unimpressed. “So basically, you’re gonna expect me to do all the work.”
“I can help, but she’s fuckin’ brutal man. Her parents both worked as directors for museums, so she just knows things. And then she always managed to get Fanboy on her side so I’m already fighting an uphill battle.”
“And what’s in it for me then?” Jake asked, lifting his chin.
“I mean, beating Nat is always fun because she is the worst about the dumbest things. You think she’s bad at work? You should see her lose at Mario Cart,” Bradley said, shaking his head as he remembered the first time he had beaten her with a well-placed turtle shell and the three hours long silence that had followed before she had gotten over it. “But, getting the fifty-dollar gift card to Cheesecake Factory is a pretty solid outcome.”
“Oh, wow,” Jake said dryly. “Let me contain my excitement.”
“Well, come up with a better prize and if we win you can get that from me,” Bradley said.
Sighing, Jake rolled his eyes, waving a hand in the air in a way that Bradley was slowly learning meant Jake was agreeing, but he wasn’t actually agreeing. He figured it was Jake’s way of getting out of a conversation without actually committing to anything, which was fine. Bradley had more than enough time to get Jake to agree, and he was half-counting on Jake and Nat’s inability to not be competitive assholes with each other to get Jake on his side. Maybe manipulating his best friend and boyfriend wasn’t the way to go about it…
Bradley’s thoughts trailed off before he lifted his head to stare at Jake who had closed his eyes and was in the middle of relaxing even though they were both only half on the bed and needed to shower. “So, we’re dating, right?”
Jake opened his eyes just enough that Bradley could make out a sliver of green. “Yeah,” he said slowly, tension in his voice suddenly.
“So, boyfriend?”
Jake’s eyes opened the rest of the way, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at Bradley. “What else would it be?”
“Well, some people think dating is going on dates leading up to being more official. I’m just trying to make sure we’re on the same page here since so far, we’ve basically been running on dramatic arguments and snap decisions and that’s only good for so long,” Bradley said, thinking about one of his exes who thought they had been a lot more serious than Bradley had. “And like, since we only had the other conversation about fifteen hours ago, I figured I should preempt this one by asking now.”
“You ever consider you drink too much coffee?” Jake asked, tucking one hand behind his head.
“Sometimes. Why?”
“Oh, no reason,” Jake said, reaching up to curl a hand around the back of Bradley’s neck and tugging him down into a kiss, to which Bradley went willingly, wondering how it had become so easy to kiss Jake in the span of a day. “But yes, dating and dating are the same in my head. But call me your boyfriend again and I’ll pretend we’ve never met. I’m not sixteen.”
Bradley grinned, pushing up so he was hovering over Jake. “Not boyfriend then?” he asked, leaning down and kissing Jake’s neck before rubbing his face over the skin. “Lover, perhaps?”
Jake snorted. “Absolutely not.”
“Hmm, my beau? Main squeeze? Future Valentine's date? Suitor? My fella?”
“All of the above is a no,” Jake said, but he was chuckling so Bradley took it as a win. “Partner, like a normal person.”
“Aw, you wanna be my partner,” Bradley asked, putting on a dramatic version of Jake’s accent, drawing out the word as long as he could.
It was a teasing moment, but Bradley felt from of the levity leave when Jake watched him, a little more solemn than he had been before, and nodded. “Yeah, darlin’. I do. Fuck knows what that looks like. But like I said this morning. Fuck it.”
“Right answer,” Bradley said, kissing Jake before he laid back down. “You really would be a shoo-in for trivia. As my partner, you should be on my team.”
“What if I wanna be on the winning team?”
The opening was almost too easy. “I mean, it’s okay if you think you need Nat’s help to win.”
“The fuck I do,” Jake snapped quickly. “I can win!”
Bradley couldn’t bite back the grin. “So, you and me then?”
Jake huffed, sounding annoyed. “I know what you’re doing…but fine. Jesus, Bradshaw.”
“It’ll be epic,” Bradley promised, settling down on his side, arm still across Jake’s waist and his head resting on his arm. He stared at Jake, at the line of his jaw, softer laying on his back, and the faint pink that dusted his cheeks and nose again, no doubt gonna fade by morning and add to the freckles already there from the last few weeks.
As he watched, Jake’s eyes drifted closed, his breathing slowing down. Bradley could understand the exhaustion, neither of them had slept well the night before, curled up on the couch despite two perfectly good rooms. His neck still ached if he tensed up and he knew it’d take a day or two for it to relax but Bradley didn’t regret it, not when it meant that he and Jake were finally on the same page.
“What’s your opinion on cuddling?” Bradley murmured, finding it impossible to look away from Jake.
Jake didn’t bother opening his eyes. “Indifferent as a rule, why?”
“I can deal with that,” Bradley said, tightening his arm and hauling Jake closer until the man was tucked up against his side, listening to the grunt of amusement, but, thankfully, Jake didn’t do anything but shift to get more comfortable. “Are we gonna risk laying here for a moment even though we both need to shower?”
“Already better than last night,” Jake said, patting Bradley’s arm. “I set an alarm on my phone for thirty. If you shut up, we should get a twenty-minute nap before we can get ready for bed and actually sleep.”
“Look at you making the plans,” Bradley said, intent on teasing Jake.
Jake flicked Bradley’s arm. “Speaking of plans, wanna see Mono Lake in the morning? It’s close to here, yeah?”
“Real close,” Bradley said. “Mono’s cool.”
“We got the time?”
“We’ll make the time,” Bradley said, wanting both of them to enjoy everything they were doing even though Bradley had been the one with the initial plan, slapped together from a few quick Google searches and old memories of drives back from Tahoe as a kid.
“Good, now go to sleep. We’ve only got eighteen minutes now.”
“Aye, aye, Captain,” Bradley said, closing his eyes and intent on doing exactly that.
“So why here?” Jake asked, hands on his hips.
Bradley finished closing the trunk with one hand as he lifted the camera and took a photo of Jake with the Sierra Nevada’s behind him, Mount Whitney sitting proudly in the background, tall and imposing. He took another one for good measure, and another, capturing the moment Jake turned, clearly expecting an answer only to roll his eyes and shake his head as he turned back around. Bradley grinned to himself as he let the camera drop before moving to stand next to Jake.
“You’ll see,” he said. “It’s a short walk, not even a mile. It’ll be good to stretch our legs.”
“We stretched our legs this morning. Between Mono and the yoga,” Jake said, turning to smirk at Bradley. “You sure you’re good? You looked pretty shaky this morning. Wouldn't want you to be sore.”
Bradley flipped him off, ignoring the subtle dig. It had been a rare time when Bradley had woken up before Jake, finding himself sprawled out across the bed with Jake in a small ball on the edge. It would’ve felt bad about it, but he had watched more than once as Jake went to sleep and slowly curled himself small, chin tucked down against his chest and knees against his chest. Jake hadn’t been far behind him, and Bradley had watched as Jake woke up and then was awake, smirking at Bradley and poking at him until Bradley agreed to join in the workout.
Jake wasn’t wrong, he had shaken the whole way through Jake’s fucking yoga routine, one he was sure was harder than what Jake normally did, but he’d be lying if he didn’t feel better as a result. “I’m fine,” he said before he sighed. “Next week is gonna suck for both of us so don’t even bother. The one run you went on doesn’t count.”
“Maybe,” Jake agreed, inclining his head. “But it’s still more than you.”
Snorting, Bradley knocked his shoulder against Jake’s as he started walking thinking about the following week being back on base. He had been in the Navy most of his adult life, and suddenly he felt like he was on new ground, and not just because of Jake and their relationship. “Gonna be interesting, especially depending on why we got called back.”
“Interesting?”
“You and me,” Bradley said, keeping his tone light because he didn’t want to set either of them off. “On the same squad. If that’s what ends up happening.”
Jake hummed, tilting his head to the side as they walked, neither of them seeming to be inclined to do anything more than a slow meander. Bradley was content to wait for Jake's reply as he took photos of a few things, wondering if he could find the previous photos he had taken here and compare them. See how far he had come.
“Depends,” Jake finally said.
“On what?”
“You, I guess.” Jake sighed, halting, hands back on his hips. “I’m not the one that went through something life changin’, and I ain’t just talkin’ about being blown to kingdom come. You’ve gotta deal with flying again, that’s one thing especially since the ride in Santa Cruz almost sent you spiralin’. You’ve also got Mav. And you haven’t told me a lot, but that chip on your shoulder has been there for a long time and I figure part of it has to do with him because of the papers, yeah?”
Sighing, Bradley nodded. “Yeah.”
Jake shrugged. “Look, I ain’t a peach. But I ain’t twenty-five anymore and I do try and reign in it. But I’m still me, and people like me, or they don’t and I’m not gonna worry about it.” Jake paused and chewed on his lip, worry evident on his face. “I push, but I promised I’d try and reign that in and I’m gonna try. You were right. It ain’t my choice to decide how you, or any of the others wanna fly. But I still think some pushin’ is needed. Same way I expect it for me. And that’s gonna take a bit of time to get right. Especially since I am who I am, and I fly the way I fly.”
It would’ve been so easy to fall back into old habits, to pick a fight about it because Bradley sometimes hated the way Jake flew, fast and hard, expecting everyone to keep up with him and he knew now it was because Jake was using his career plans as an excuse when the reality was he was trying to outrun his ghosts. But Jake was right. It was going to take time.
“I know,” Bradley said with a sigh, dropping his arm around Jake’s shoulders and kissing his forehead. “It helps I like you a hell of a lot more than I did. So maybe it’ll all work out.”
“Or blow up in our faces,” Jake said, ever the realist.
“Well like I said yesterday. I don’t think we’re ever gonna go back to who we were because we’re not those people anymore. We’re brand sparkling new people and we’re going to confuse the shit outta everyone if this meet-up happens this weekend.”
The text chat was still ongoing, everyone spouting ideas of what to do and when to meet up. Bradley had sent something vague, figuring most people knew he was still out of town, and he knew Jake hadn’t replied at all even though he knew the man had plans with Javy.
“Are we gonna tell them?” Jake asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Be kinda hard to hide we don’t get into arguments anymore.”
“That’s one thing.” Jake reached up and cupped Bradley's face before kissing him. “This is a whole other thing. I’m gonna tell Javy, and Beth. I don’t like keeping secrets from them, but everyone else?” He paused and shrugged. “I can wait. What do you want to do?”
“Tell Nat,” Bradley said immediately before he sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t want to keep this secret or anything. I’m not ashamed of you despite your incorrect opinions on coconut.”
“I won’t take food opinions from a man who eats Hot Tamales and Dr. Pepper,” Jake replied instantly before he stepped back and patted Bradley on the chest before he started walking again. “It’s barely been twenty-four. Let’s see how the next two days go and revisit it before we get back into San Diego on Friday.”
Two days. Wednesday and Thursday before they drove the final part into San Diego and Bradley was suddenly struck with the idea he’d have to share Jake. They wouldn’t be waking up in the same room, he wouldn’t get to see Jake mid-yoga pose each morning, or go and join him the few times Bradley could get the energy to move like that first thing in the morning.
“Is it weird I’m weirded out that we’re not gonna be in each other’s pockets?” Bradley asked catching up to Jake.
For a moment Bradley expected Jake to say yes, but he sighed and shook his head. “No. It’ll be a little weird, but…,” Jake looked worried for a second before he shrugged. “Might not be the worst idea. Especially if this does turn into being on the same squad or another mission. We gotta learn to live in the real world, darlin’, not this fairytale world we’ve made.”
“I kinda like the fairytale world,” Bradley said, knowing he was pouting and he had no doubt Nat was already, subconsciously, beginning to think of all the ways to give him shit.
Jake chuckled. “Dunno, I’m kinda looking forward to the real world with less beard burn.”
“Rude.”
“Just telling the truth—what on God’s green earth is that?” Jake demanded, coming to a stop as he stared at the painted rock.
Bradley snorted as he lifted the camera and took a photo, remembering the first time he had seen it and the ensuing nightmares about being kidnapped by the rock. A fact he wasn’t going to tell Jake about, at least not yet. “Nightmare rock.”
“Don’t tell me you brought me all the way out here for that,” Jake demanded.
“I thought it was a remarkable likeness.”
The glare Jake shot his way was so reminiscent of before the trip that Bradley had to chuckle, especially when instead of pissing him off, all it did was made him feel even fonder toward Jake.
“Asshole,” Jake said.
“Matches you,” Bradley said, beginning to walk again. “But, no. It’s not far. C’mon.”
“Okay, this is cool,” Jake said, standing below the Mobius arch, both hands stretched up, pressing flat against the rock, head tilted back.
Bradley didn’t know how many photos of Jake he had taken already since they had gotten there and watched Jake scramble up the side of the rock until he was standing underneath the arch. Bradley shifted to the side, catching Mt. Whitney again and taking a photo, Jake still staring up with a wonder that made Bradley smile. He dropped the camera before climbing up the rocks to join him, moving out of the way when Jake began to walk, keeping one hand on the rock.
“You been here before I’m guessing?” Jake asked as he followed the rock down and he crouched, duck-walking back to the other side, his hand never leaving the ground.
“Not since I was a kid,” Bradley said, watching Jake with a sense of baffled wonder. “What are you doing?”
“It’s called Mobius arch, right?” Jake asked, making it to the other side and beginning to stand, walking back to where Bradley stood.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, watching as Jake dropped his hand and signed. “What?”
“You know what a Mobius strip is right?”
“Yeah, it’s the line thing, right?” Bradley asked, squinting a little bit as he fought to remember his math classes from college. “A non-orientable surface. You can’t distinguish between clockwise and counterclockwise because of the turn?”
“Yeah, something like that,” Jake said, shrugging as he looked back at the arch. “Kinda looks like it, figured that was where the name came from. Wanted to see if it was actually true or not and I get the feeling the Park Rangers wouldn’t take kindly to me drawing on it.”
“Never mind the fact that you don’t have anything to draw with,” Bradley said, elbowing Jake in the side. “Nerd.”
“Says the man who knew what it was.”
Bradley shrugged, unabashed. “We’re pilots, sweetheart, knowing a little something about math comes with the territory.”
Jake chuckled. “Oh, I know, I’m jussayin’ calling me a nerd when you’re over there just as bad is a choice.”
“I’m an artist,” Bradley gasped, lifting the camera, one hand pressed against his chest. “Not a nerd.”
“Artist first, pilot second, makes sense,” Jake replied, face smoothing out into a knowing look as he nodded.
“Rude.” Bradley pointed a finger at Jake as he lifted the camera with his other hand, aiming it toward Jake again who held up a hand, blocking the viewscreen as he rolled his eyes. Bradley took a photo anyway before he turned, and began to take more photos, figuring he should get more of the landscape that didn’t have Jake in it, despite thinking everything looked better with Jake in it.
When he finished taking photos and turned back to Jake, he was surprised to find Jake watching him, arms crossed, a soft smile on his face. “What?” he asked.
“You make that look so easy,” Jake said, not for the first time, shaking his head. “Just…nice s’all, I don’t usually get the chance to see you doin’ something you’re good at and not being in an argument about it.”
“That’s because you’ve never met something you couldn’t start an argument with,” Bradley said, letting the camera drop as he tugged out his phone, swiping away all the messages so he could pull up the camera app. “C’mon.”
“C’mon, what?” Jake asked, not moving even as Bradley dropped his arm around Jake’s shoulders and flipped the camera into selfie mode. “Oh my god.”
“Get used to it baby,” Bradley said, thinking back to Disneyland, of the awkward photo of the two of them standing next to each other, not sure how to act but on their best behavior. Behavior that had led straight to this.
“Do I have to?” Jake asked, even as he wrapped an arm around Bradley’s waist.
“Yep. Now, smile sweetheart, let’s show the world those pearly white chompers.”
Bradley took the photo just as Jake’s head dropped back in laughter, the sound ringing out around him and he had a feeling he had just taken his favorite photo of the trip.
“Calling you a fucking nerd again,” Bradley called, leaning against the car as Jake flipped him off and kept reading one of the signs, he had found that Bradley didn’t even realize were there.
Chuckling, he pulled his phone out, quickly replying to a few messages, Daniel asking him when he would get leave, a few others checking in, shooting thumbs up to a few group chats he had half been scrolling. There were a few messages from Mav he would save for later. He wondered if they would ever get to a point where quickly checking Mav’s messages wasn’t something that required a few moments of peace to be able to process them.
He flipped to Nat’s chat, seeing a few he had missed since the day before, as well as a short voice memo.
‘Bradshaw are you dead I swear to god if you leave me alone with this group I will haunt you in hell somehow. Why are you being so quiet? Send up a smoke signal or I’m gonna assume Instagram boyfriend is actually a serial killer.’
Me: eyeroll emoji im fine just busy
Nat: he lives!!!!
Nat: srsly when r u getting back
Me: Friday evening most likely
Nat: breakfast on sat?
Me: sure I also need a hair cut so wanna go to the diner by the shop?
Nat: sucks2sucks but sure
Me: hows bob?
Nat: hes good. my mom loves him
Me: whens the wedding?
Nat: middlefinger emoji
Nat: its not like that
Me: okay
Nat: ITS NOT
Me: I said okay!
Nat: u said it a weird way
Me: how did I say it a weird way?
Nat: blow me
Me: can’t have a bf srry
Nat: SINCE WHEN
Nat: WHO?
Me: smile emoji
“So, apparently there’s something called a heart arch here,” Jake said, stopping in front of Bradley and getting his attention as he ignored Nat’s subsequent texts to shove his phone into his pocket.
Bradley had completely forgotten about that part, and he stared at Jake, transported back to being a kid. He pushed away from the car and nodded back the way they had come. “Yeah, it’s this way,” he said, grabbing Jake’s hand and tugging him. “C’mon.”
“It’s a heart, see?” Bradley said, pointing at the second arch they had passed as they made their way back to the parking lot, neither of them taking notice, too caught up in random conversation.
“Is it?” Jake was clearly skeptical as he stared at the hole.
“If you’re at the right angle it is,” Bradley said, nudging Jake in the side to get him to move. “See.”
Jake didn’t look any more impressed than he had been a moment before, shooting a look over Bradley’s shoulder that told him exactly what he thought of everything.
“Okay, maybe here,” Bradley said, snagging Jake’s elbow and carefully pulling him back a few steps, tilting his head to the side.
“Maybe,” Jake said, clearly humoring Bradley as he kept staring at the spot.
It gave Bradley a chance to take two steps back and take the photo he wanted. Jake, standing with his shoulders wide, looking soft in a gray sweater and jeans, the stark landscape in front of him. It made Jake blend in with his surroundings and Bradley looked down at the photo, adjusting the exposure setting quickly before taking another photo, surprised that Jake hadn’t moved.
“See it?”
“If I squint,” Jake replied, turning and walking to catch up to Bradley. “You sure it’s the right spot?”
Bradley shrugged. “Yeah,” he admitted, knowing that the heart he was pointing out was barely a heart. “My Mom, she was a romantic through and through, she heard about it from some local we ran into here the last time we came and she came and stood here until she could see it because she wanted to see the heart. She made me believe in it as well.”
Jake’s lips pursed as he glanced over his shoulder, grimacing, clearly not wanting to say anything except it was obvious he didn’t see it.
“C’mere,” Bradley said, turning and walking back toward the parking lot, their car still the only car in the entire place.
Isolation had always bothered Bradley, and he surrounded himself with as many friends as he could as a result, but he was finding out very quickly that Jake managed to fill a lot of spaces and he didn’t know if it was because it was a novelty, or because Jake had been such a pain in the ass for so long that it felt like he filled up all the silences Bradley could normally see around him.
He turned back to the arch once he reached the parking lot, staring at it, trying to remember back to years ago, being here with his Mom. She would’ve just been getting sick, maybe she even knew about it but hadn’t yet told Bradley about it, preferring to try and fight it in silence instead of worrying him. As a kid, Bradley wished she would’ve told him so he could’ve known and helped her. As an adult, Bradley knew there was little he could’ve done and he was glad he didn’t know because now he had good memories, happy memories he had photos of that he kept in protected cases that maybe one day he’d show Jake.
“Here,” Bradley said, finally seeing it. “It’s easier to see from here.”
He reached out and snagged Jake’s hand, pulling him closer until Jake was standing in front of him. Bradley pointed over Jake’s shoulder, to the small hole in one of the rock formations. “It’s all about perspective,” he said, feeling Jake shift until his cheek was pressed against Bradley’s arm, sighting down his arm. “You just gotta change how you see it and it makes it easier.”
“Huh,” Jake said, a little surprised as he straightened up, nodding. “I see it now.”
Bradley let his arm drop, curling around Jake’s torso to tug him back to kiss his cheek before letting him go, seeing Jake shoot a frown over his shoulder. “What?”
Jake shook his head, lips pursed and he was clearly debating on something. Bradley waited him out as he turned off the camera, knowing he needed to charge the batteries at the hotel.
“You’re more tactile than I was expecting,” Jake said, hands shoved into his pockets as he tilted his head, staring at Bradley as if he could figure him out. “Especially for someone with self-proclaimed commitment issues.”
“It’s the long-term I have problems with,” Bradley explained, shrugging. “Everything else I’m not half bad.” He shrugged again. “I grew up in a tactile family. My Mom was a big hugger, she gave the best hugs. She had a way of making all the problems go away anytime she did. Most of my memories of my Dad are being tossed in the air or learning the scales while sitting in his lap at a piano. Mav is as well, or he was when I was growing up. Just how we do things.”
Jake nodded, sucking on his teeth for a second. “Javy and Beth are the same,” he said before he shot Bradley a half smile and wandered past, clapping him on the shoulder as he did so.
Bradley watched him go, quickly learning that for as much as Jake talked, he didn't often say anything. And that it was what he didn't say that was the important part, even if sometimes broke his heart.
“Alright, this place is fun,” Jake said, dropping his bag onto the bed and looking around, hands on his hips.
“Right?” Bradley asked, collapsing onto one of the beds. He was a little disappointed there were two beds, but it had been the only one available and he was willing to bet if he asked right he might be able to swing curling into bed with Jake for the night and leaving the other bed empty. “My Mom loved staying here. There’s a lot of thru-hikers who stay here, and she loved talking to them.”
“Thru hikers?” Jake asked, sitting on the opposite bed.
“They hike from the Canadian border to the Mexican border,” Bradley explained. “Or some other insanely long hike.”
“No thank you,” Jake said almost instantly, causing Bradley to push up onto his elbows so he could stare at him.
“Not a fan of the idea?”
“Not really. I don’t mind a short camping trip here and there, Maria loved them, but I don’t know. Being in the Navy? Especially when we’re out on the carriers. They’re fine, but they’re not exactly the lap of luxury so I’ve never been that interested in camping for the long term. Or backpacking.”
“That surprises me,” Bradley said, shooting Jake a grin. “You seem like the kinda gung ho person who would love to spend two weeks backpacking just so you don’t have to deal with people and can walk a lot. Maybe read a book or ten.”
Jake shot him an unimpressed look. “I don’t know when I gave you that sort of impression but let me know so I can disabuse you of that notion real quick.”
“It’s the daily yoga.”
Jake hummed and nodded as he stood up and stretched. “It’s so my body doesn’t give out by the time I’m forty. How are your knees?” he asked, dropping his arms and shooting Bradley a knowing look.
“Better when I’m on them,” Bradley replied.
Jake frowned for a moment before his face went slack and Bradley watched, delighted, as a flush spread over his cheeks before he cleared his throat. “Dirty pool,” he said, stepping past Bradley to begin to explore.
“Jussayin,” Bradley replied, dropping onto his back and turning his head so he could look at Jake. “You hungry?”
“I could kill a hamburger right now. Half a pound of meat right in my mouth, you know?” Jake replied.
It was Bradley’s turn to swallow, seeing Jake shoot a smirk over his shoulder that sent Bradley right back to that night in Napa, the hazy memories of Jake on his knees on the bed, naked and how good it felt pressed against his back. How good it felt to kiss him, and how much more of that Bradley wanted to do.
“Fuck,” Bradley said, voice a lot rougher than it had been.
Jake hummed before he disappeared into the small bathroom before reappearing, shoulder resting on the doorframe as he watched Bradley, chin dipped and eyes intense. Bradley swallowed, suddenly wanting to kiss Jake something fierce, and he suddenly remembered that he could as he surged up and walked over, wrapping an arm around Jake’s waist and hauling him in close as he kissed him.
Hands cupped the side of his face as Jake pushed into the kiss, never one to just take it, even now, and it made Bradley’s blood boil, the kiss almost a fight as they pushed back and forth, fingers gripping Jake’s sides, keeping him close, pushing a leg between Jakes and pinning him against the doorframe. Jake grunted, his hands sliding down and around until they were pulling Bradley even closer, pain flaring as Jake’s fingers dug into his shoulders until all of Bradley’s senses were filled with Jake.
They were both panting by the time the kiss broke, Bradley’s entire body thrumming as he rested more of his weight against Jake who took it with a soft groan, one of his hands sliding back up to curl into Bradley’s hair, tugging gently until Bradley pulled back enough to see Jake’s face. He chuckled softly, forcing himself to let go of Jake’s hips long enough to reach up and trace fingers over the reddened skin, wondering if he should shave before they even got back to San Diego.
“How bad?” Jake asked, voice as rough as Bradley felt.
“Not gonna die,” Bradley said, nodding seriously. “Might have some permanent marks though if I have anything to say about it.”
He ducked down, pressing a kiss against the side of Jake’s neck before rubbing his face against the skin, getting a low chuckle before he was shoved away, Jake’s glare nowhere near as potent as it had once been. The short distance between them suddenly felt like too much as Bradley stepped forward, reaching out for Jake again only to be stopped by a hand on his chest as Jake pushed away from the door, his free hand dropping to adjust himself in a motion that Bradley didn’t even try to pretend he didn’t watch.
“Later, darlin’,” Jake said, even as he leaned in and kissed Bradley. “I actually am hungry.”
“Getting some energy would be good,” Bradley agreed, earning him another chuckle. “C’mon. There’s bound to be some diner around here.”
“We made a choice,” Bradley said, slouching deeper into the seat outside of their cabin he had collapsed into after the drive back from dinner.
“The wrong one,” Jake replied, sounding as lethargic as Bradley felt.
Bradley looked over at Jake, head tilted back and lit by the soft glow from the lamps around the small motel. His legs were splayed out and as Bradley watched, Jake dropped a hand and popped the button of his jeans with a groan that Bradley felt. Bradley let his head drop back and did the same.
“It was so good though,” Bradley said, not bothering to lift his head again. “Worth it?”
The diner they had found was a small hole in the wall they had almost missed if not for the smell of deep-fried food and the sound of a band beginning to warm up. It had been fun, and one of the best burgers Bradley had ever had in his life. It didn’t help that the long list of local beers had a few that sounded good, and when a server had walked past with the sampler platter they had grabbed that as well, the siren call of decent deep-fried food impossible to resist. He didn’t regret it, the live music had been good, mostly covers that got people singing along and dancing on the small dance floor right next to the stage. The conversation had been easy, ranging from theories they had about why they were all being recalled to the book Jake had gotten for him and Beth, something that Bradley was trying to erase from his mind. It had been easy to lose time there, drinking and talking about everything and nothing at all.
“Absolutely,” Jake said, patting his stomach. “However, if you even think about putting your weight anywhere near me I’ll punch you.”
“Cosigned,” Bradley said, the vague plans from the make-out session earlier suddenly changing and Bradley didn’t mind in the slightest. “Good first date?”
Jake lifted his head and looked over at Bradley. “Since when the fuck was that a date?”
“Since we started dating.”
“Normally gonna have to ask someone so they know it’s a date.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. We’re dating, baby, which means everything we do is a date.”
Jake looked down at himself and then at Bradley, his expression saying it all.
Bradley grinned and sat up, reaching across the small space between them to snag Jake’s hand and squeeze before sliding their fingers together. “Yeah, even this. Quality time. It’s important you know.”
Jake rolled his eyes, but he didn’t argue any further, instead settling and leaning his head back against the again and wriggling to get comfortable. Bradley grinned and settled back in his chair, content to sit there and hold Jake’s hand for a little while, feeling more at peace than he had in a long time.
Notes:
The Mt Williamson Motel. In my head Jake and bradley stayed in the Kearsarge cabin.
Chapter 13
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Jake stretched his arms up overhead and groaned as he spread his fingers and arched his back, feeling something pop before he flowed down, pressing his palms to the ground and walking his feet, feeling the stretch in his hamstrings that had the kind of ache that felt good and was hard to explain to people. He was aware of people waking up, the low murmur that came with people filtering out of the cabins and into the world. He kept his eyes focused on what he was doing, doing his best to get through the motions. The cabin hadn’t been large enough for him to spread out, so he had moved outside, finding a grassy area that was enough of the way he wouldn’t get in the way of the backpackers he could see beginning to head out.
He moved into downward dog, letting out a soft grunt as he felt something release in his back that had been bothering him for a few days. For all that he flew a jet, he still wasn’t used to sitting for as long as he had been while on the trip. The seats in the Bronco were comfortable, and they made enough stops he cold get out and stretch but it was still a far cry from being as active as he was used to, even on leave. He would need to get his ass into gear if he wanted to stay at the top like he had been for a long time.
“Excuse me.”
Jake dropped to his knees and looked up, seeing a pair of women staring at him, yoga mats under their arm. “Hi?” he asked, unable to keep the question out of his voice.
“Can we join you?” the one on the right asked. “Not to like…actually join, but to just…be there,” she said, sounding awkward as she waved to the open space on Jake’s side.
“Sure,” Jake said with a shrug, pressing his hands to the mat and was about to move back up as they went to get set up.
“I’m Calla, this is Nat,” the one on the left said.
Jake snorted before he could help himself, grimacing a second later at the twin glares he received. “Sorry,” he said, waving a hand. “I have two coworkers named Callie and Nat, it was unexpected that’s all. I’m Jake,” he said, reaching a hand up in the hopes he appeared harmless before he got slapped across the face.
They shook his hand and moved to set up and Jake let himself go back into the motions, trying his best not to move faster through them. It had only been two weeks, but the self-imposed isolation he and Bradley had inadvertently put themselves made him suddenly feel awkward talking to two people he had never met. He had never been outgoing. Sure, he had never been one to shy away from the center of attention, he enjoyed it even, and he was fine in a crowd, but it had never been his default state. Jake had always enjoyed playing it close to the chest, keeping people at arm’s length and he had the personality for it. Javy had always been the one to bound into a group and make friends, and more often than not Jake got dragged along.
“So, what brings you here, Jake?” Callas asked as she and Nat began to move through a flow, the two of them perfectly in sync as if they had done it a hundred times.
“Road trip,” Jake said, shifting into warrior two.
“Oh, fun! Where are you headed?” Nat said with a perkiness to her voice that Jake found odd from someone named Nat.
“We’re heading down to Joshua Tree today for a day or two before going to San Diego on Friday,” Jake explained, twisting at the waist and feeling something crack in his back that made him want to groan. “Gonna meander down so we get in tonight.”
“We?” Nat prompted.
“Me and my…partner,” Jake said, losing his balance as he stuttered over the word, still not used to the idea.
He and Bradley were dating, they were together. He could kiss Bradley anytime he wanted. They could hold hands and go on random dates. He could text and call the man and it wouldn’t be weird. It was something he thought would still take awhile to get used to. It wasn’t like this was what he had expected out of his trip.
“They’re not gonna join you for this?” Calla asked as she and Nat began to repeat the flow, moving through it again and again with a fluidity of people who did this a lot more than Jake did.
“He’s still asleep. Not a morning person,” Jake said, moving to lay on his stomach before pushing up into a half-push up, suddenly needing to feel his muscles burn a little bit more and he wasn’t dressed to go for the run he suddenly wanted to go for.
“My ex was like that,” Nat explained. “Which was all well and good until we moved in together and she started to get annoyed when I would wake her up in the morning. Ended up dumping me because she couldn’t be with a morning person.”
Jake snorted at the idea as if Bradley would do anything other than snore even louder. “I’d say Rooster could sleep through anything, but he gets up for morning reveille the same as the rest of us when we’re deployed. He just knows how to vacation better than I do.”
The silence that followed was loud, and Jake looked over as he pushed himself back into downward dog again and turned his head to see Nat and Calla staring at him. “What?”
“Military?” Calla asked.
“Yep,” Jake said, suddenly on edge as he fought to keep from glaring at the two random women who had come over and started talking to him.
“And your boyfriend also?”
“Yes.”
Nat and Calla exchanged glances, before they shrugged and went back to what they were doing as if that the little blip had never happened. Jake watched them for a moment, before he went back to what he was doing, biting his tongue from demanding what as if he didn’t already have an idea. Or a semblance of an idea based on past experiences. He didn’t know the two, it wasn’t worth the effort.
“I wish we had more time to head south,” Nat said to Calla a few moments later.
“You and your obsession with Route 66.”
“It’s iconic!”
“It’s also just a road.”
“You have no sense of whimsy,” Nat huffed. “What about you?”
It took Jake a second for him to realize that it was Nat speaking to him and he looked over in the middle of pushing up into scorpion and frowned. “What?”
“Route 66, opinions?”
“Don’t have many,” Jake said, still a little surprised they were still talking to him. “Bradley probably wants to see it. Take a photo or something.”
“Bradley?” Nat looked confused. “I thought his name was Rooster?”
Jake dropped to his stomach with a chuckle. “No. Callsign is Rooster, name is Bradley. I’m Jake but my callsign is Hangman.”
“Callsigns?” Nat asked
“It’s a pilot thing.”
“You’re pilots?” was Calla’s response just as Nat repeated his callsign. “Hangman?”
Jake ignored Nat’s obvious interest in favor of Calla’s question. “Yeah, fighter pilots. US Navy. We’re on leave and heading back to base in San Diego.”
Why San Diego, Jake still didn’t know, and he didn’t care because it wasn’t his job to care.
“Oh, wow. So, you’re not sailors then?” Nat asked, dropping to her knees and looking at Jake.
It wasn’t unusual for Jake to pick up a person here and there when he did yoga outside. People would come and join, like with like, but most of the time people were content to settle in silence aside from a comment here and there, banal niceties. Calla and Nat seemed like the kind of people who could talk the ear off a mountain, and he had the sudden feeling Bradley would get along with them well. Even if Jake was wishing he could hurry through his cool down faster to get away from the third degree.
“Technically yes, I’m still a sailor because we’re in the navy. Not soldiers. But we’re pilots, so it’s a little different than actual sailors,” Jake explained with a shrug as he moved into happy baby and stared up at the trees, feeling his lower back begin to release as he let out a low slow breath.
“Oh, well that’s something new!” Calla said, still excited. “See, Nat. Bothering the nice man meant we learnt something new.”
Jake snorted just as Nat groaned. He let his legs release as he stretched them out, letting himself settle against the grass and take a few deep breaths, enjoying the moment for what it was. Thankfully Nat and Calla seemed to take the hint and fell silent, the two of them falling into the background as Jake waited for his heart to calm down before he finally pushed himself to standing and began to grab his things, figuring he should go and wake Bradley up before it got to be too late.
“It was nice meeting you both,” Jake said once he had everything, normal smile on his face as he nodded to them, the manners Javy’s Mom had slapped into his head the first time he had met her rearing their head at the last minute.
“You too!” Calla said, her and Nat moving into warrior pose.
“Hey,” Nat said before Jake could get too far away. “Dunno what your plans are, you said they’re kinda up in the air, but if you’re looking for something to do on the way to Joshua Tree driving on old route 66 Is fun. There’s a bunch of old towns and stuff.”
“Yes! And Peggy Sue’s!” Calla added.
“Peggy Sues?”
“It’s an old diner. You should look it up,” Nat said, as she and Calla flowed into another pose.
“Uh, thanks,” Jake said, taking a step back before he turned and left, feeling a little like he had gotten whiplash from the two of them. He didn’t even know how he felt about the interaction.
He glanced over his shoulder as he got closer to the cabin, the two of them already talking to each other before he shook his head and opened the door to the sound of Bradley’s snore. Snorting, Jake closed it behind him carefully, walking by the dim light that filtered through the cabins to find his phone before collapsing on the second, unused bed and opened it up, beginning to research what the women had told him.
It didn’t take long for him to figure out that he needed to get them there, it seemed like the sort of place that Bradley would love. He dropped the phone onto the bed and looked over, clocking the time before he sighed and moved to go take a shower, hoping that the noise would wake Bradley up. He had just opened his shower supplies when he heard Bradley moving and he glanced over his shoulder to see Bradley stretching with a groan.
Jake let himself look. Because he could. Because it wasn’t weird because he and Bradley were together and if Jake wanted to look at his boyfriend as he stretched, muscles rippling over his chest and stomach, his biceps on full display and Jake suddenly swallowed, thinking about the night before about how good it felt to have Bradley pulling him into the wall, surrounding him the same way Jake always liked being surrounded. It made him feel safe. He had more than a few memories of Maria sitting in his lap, elbows by his head, her long hair blocking out the world as she told him ever increasing insane bird facts to get him to laugh. It was why he had gone for big and mean when he and Maria had broken up, because it was the one of the few things that made him feel like the world wasn’t going to collapse in on itself as he was judged and found wanting yet again.
“Timesit?” Bradley mumbled, dragging Jake’s thoughts back from the hurt and into the now, his arms dropping as he knuckled the corner of his eye before rubbing a hand over his face, the rasp of his palm over his beard loud in the silence.
“Time for you to get up,” Jake replied, his mouth suddenly dry.
“C’mere,” Bradley said, reaching out and making grabby fingers toward Jake as he sat up, rubbing a hand through his hair with his other hand.
It was cuter than it had any right to be as Jake stepped closer and let Bradley grab his wrist and tug him close with a harder yank than he had been expecting. He stumbled forward, dropping a knee to the edge of the bed to balance himself, seeing Bradley’s self-satisfied smile, how bright his eyes looked even in the dim light and there was something in the way Rooster looked at him that he could drown in if he let it happen.
“Can I help you?” Jake asked, keeping his tone dry, staying on dry land.
A hand settled on his waist as Bradley reached up and wrapped the other around Jake’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. It was an easy kiss to sink into, his hands curling around the sides of Bradley’s neck as he kissed him back, feeling his heart beginning to race. He could feel Bradley’s smile against his own as the man pulled back and Jake opened his eyes, raising his eyebrows in question.
“Mornin’,” Bradley said, a self-satisfied smile on his face. “You already do your yoga?”
“Yep,” Jake replied.
Bradley nodded before he hooked an arm around Jake’s neck and leaned back, dragging him down so Jake was laying ontop of Bradley. Before he could get a word out, Bradley was kissing him and any thoughts flew out the window as Jake shifted to get more comfortable, feeling hands settle on his lower back as he kissed back. It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, and not much longer after that before Bradley rolled, trying to keep kissing Jake even as he kicked the sheets away.
Laughing, Jake pressed a hand against Bradley’s chest to still the man, mouth buzzing as he pushed up onto an elbow and kissed Bradley quickly. “Check out is soon. So sorry. We gotta shower, darlin’.”
“We can shower later,” Bradley said, pressing his face into Jake’s neck.
“You might be able to, but I feel gross and I’m enjoyin’ actual showers as long as I can.”
“You smell fine,” Bradley replied, licking Jake’s neck before nipping at the skin hard enough Jake felt his eyes flutter for a second. “Bet you smell even better naked.”
They had to check out soon, but it was tempting enough that Jake suddenly felt like pushing it, figuring they could be quick babout it. Jake pushed Bradley back and moved to stand, seeing the pout and rolled his eyes as he tugged his shirt off and let it drop as he walked toward the bathroom, kicking his shoes off and beginning to push down his shorts down his hips until they were hanging off his ass, hearing Bradley’s groan behind him.
“Wanna see how big the shower is?” Jake asked over his shoulder, watching as Bradley’s eyes widened before he nodded and scrambled up, catching up to Jake and wrapping his arms around his waist just as Jake reached the small shower.
He felt a mouth press over his neck, and he did his best to ignore it as he turned on the taps, feeling the hands run all over his body. He had a sudden sense memory of Napa, Bradley’s chest against his back, hand’s digging into his hips to hold him steady, the mark that had lingered for a few days before it disappeared. He shivered, the water at a temperature they could deal with but he made no move to get into the shower, instead dropping his head back on Bradley’s shoulders, feeling the smile against his neck as teeth found the tendon on his neck and worried it.
“Too late in leave for marks,” Jake warned Bradley who grumbled something but stopped biting at his neck. “We should get in.”
“Mmm,” Bradley said, fingers hooking into the side of Jake’s shorts and pushing down, Jake’s half hard cock bobbing in the air in front of him. “We should.”
“Get undressed,” Jake said, more breathless than he wanted to be as he elbowed Bradley enough that the other man let him go.
The promise of the shower seemed to be enough to let Bradley step back, let Jake finish shoving down his shorts and step into the tub, Bradley joining him a second later, the sound of the shower curtain all the warning he had before a hand on his hip had him turning and Bradley was pushing him against the wall and kissed him. The spray was hitting both of them in the face and Jake slapped a hand up, finally finding the shower head and tilting it down enough it was getting them in the sides.
“Fuckin’ wet dream, Seresin,” Bradley mumbled, pulling back with a bite to Jake’s neck, his hands sliding all over Jake’s torso, spread wide, exploring. Jake grunted when he felt Bradley’s thumbs brush over his nipples, hooking an arm around Bradley’s neck to keep him close.
“Gonna do something about it, Bradshaw?” Jake couldn’t help but goad as he spread his knees, sliding a little bit on the wet tile before Bradley’s weight pinned him tight, stopping the motion.
Kissing Bradley was a lot like how their fights had always gone, push and pull until someone gave in, and Jake had no issues giving in here, as he opened his mouth for Bradley’s tongue, one hand curling into Bradley’s hair and the other dropping to wrap around the hard cock that kept bumping into his stomach. He swallowed Bradley’s groan with a deeper kiss, wishing they had never turned the shower on so he could hear every noise Bradley was making, every grunt and groan as Jake jerked him off, listening for all the cues he could so he could make it even better.
An arm wrapped around his waist, a large hand palming his ass before fingers pressed between his cheeks, rubbing over his hole and making Jake break the kiss with a groan, Bradley’s face in his neck, kissing as he kept rubbing his fingers, making Jake close his mind.
“I am too old for a spit fuck,” Jake gasped, even if he was pretty sure if Bradley pushed, he would fold like jello in an instant. “So think again, darlin’.”
That had Bradley groaning a split second before he pulled his hand away, Jake already missing the sensation, only to knock Jake’s hand away and wrap his hand around both of their cocks, the slide of skin and the tight heat of Bradley’s palm enough to make Jake fuck up with a cry, head thudding back against the shower.
“Careful, baby,” Bradley said, face not pulling away from where he was panting against Jake’s neck. “Don’t hurt the goods.”
“Got a lot of…oh, fuck, goods,” Jake said, still panting as he kept one hand curled in Bradley’s hair, his now free hand scrabbling over Bradley’s water-slick shoulders for some sort of purchase as the hand around both of them began to speed up, teeth scraping along the side of his neck.
“Don’t I know it,” Bradley said, the smile and leer evident in his tone as he finally lifted his head, brown eyes made darker by his blown out pupil, the smile on his face, the flush on his cheeks as he leaned in to kiss Jake before he could say anything.
It would be embarrassing at how quickly Jake was going to come if it didn’t feel so fucking good, Bradley’s hand around the both of them, the water streaming around him, how good Bradley’s body felt pressed up against his own. He groaned, and it was all the warning Bradley got before Jake was coming with a cry, curling forward, gasping as he shook through the orgasm, his legs feeling like jelly and if Bradley wasn’t pinning him he would’ve collapsed into the tub.
“Fuck,” Bradley gasped.
Jake rested his forehead on Bradley’s shoulder as he panted, feeling Bradley’s mouth against the side of his head and he was tempted to lift his head, but he was distracted, watching as Bradley released both of their cocks to grab his own, still hard one, and start jerking himself off, fast enough that Jake could watch the flex of muscle in his forearms, the vein that was beginning to pop up the faster his hand moved.
His breathing hadn’t settled, but he could feel it begin to ramp up as he watched as precome bead at the tip of Bradley’s cock and he swallowed, lifting his head and dislodging Bradley’s head so he could press their foreheads together, grinning at the wide eyed look, seeing the desperation on Bradley’s face.
“C’mon,” Jake whispered, a hand beginning to slide over Bradley’s shoulders and chest, skating down over his stomach where he could feel the flex of muscle and down, fingers sliding into his pubes and down, his fingers framing Bradley’s cock, feeling the muscles flex under his palm and it was the hottest thing Jake had seen in a while. “C’mon, darlin. Come for me, all over me, c’mon, I know you can do it. Mess me up the way I know you wanna you possessive bastard.”
The smile on Bradley’s face was as stunning as it was suddenly feral and Jake was being kissed, his mouth fucked open with a tongue pressing in deep, making Jake want to get on his knees and have something else fuck open his mouth but he was stuck, listening to Bradley’s grunts and groans, feeling the flex of muscle before he came with a cry, bucking his hips forward, his cock skating over Jake’s stomach, their bodies blocking the spray of water so when Jake broke the kiss and looked down he could see the come on his stomach, sliding down as Bradley kept moving, hand tightening at the tip so all Jake could see was the head of his cock, red and flushed, the last few drops of come beading at the tip before spilling over Bradley’s hand.
“There you go,” Jake said, rubbing fingers over the tip of Bradley’s cock, hearing the grunt of surprise and pleasure and he had to fight against licking his fingers.
“Fuckin’ Christ,” Bradley said, dropping his head to Jake’s shoulder with a chuckle that sounded a little manic.
Jake grinned, dropping his head back against the wall as they stood there for a moment, getting themselves under control before Jake pushed Bradley back, and pushed away from the wall, moving to under the stream of water, washing away the come, but Jake didn’t think he’d be getting the image out of his mind anytime soon.
“Hmm,” Bradley said, reaching up and rubbing a thumb over the side of Jake’s neck with a self-satisfied look on his face.
“Christ,” Jake muttered, moving around Bradley carefully so he could yank open the curtain to see his own reflection in the small mirror on the opposite wall, the red spreading over his neck and mouth very easy to see.
He felt arms wrap around his waist and Bradley’s chin hook over his shoulder, self-satisfied smirk on his face easy to see in the mirror.
“Darlin?” Jake asked, turning back into the circle of Bradley’s arms before he watched himself make any more sappy eyes at Bradley. It was one thing to feel this way, it was a whole other thing to see it.
“Hmm?” Bradley hummed, kissing Jake’s neck in a way that made his eyes flutter, thoughts disappearing for a moment before the scratch of beard against his neck brought him back to the present.
Curling a hand through Bradley’s hair, Jake yanked his head back enough Bradley winced even as his cock jerked against Jake’s naked thigh, something he filed away for later, waiting until Bradley met his eyes and he smiled.
“You wanna fuck me again?” Jake asked, leaning in and nosing over Bradley’s cheek before nipping at the apple of his cheek.
“Would love to fuck you for a first time,” Bradley said, both hands finding Jake’s ass and squeezing hard enough his breath caught.
“Point, you wanna, right?”
“Course,” Bradley said, fingers skating over Jake’s hole again, trying to distract him but Jake forced himself to focus.
“Then shave,” Jake said, going with blunt. “I thought I could deal, but I sure as shit cannot. We’re getting too close to the end of this for me to be showin’ up to work with the amount of beard burn I know I’m gonna have.”
“Hey, you called me a possessive bastard, which is false f y and I, but I figured I’d roll with it.”
“Point stands, Bradshaw.”
“Fussy asshole,” Bradley said, chuckling before he nodded. “I’ll need more time for the ‘stache, but I can get rid of most of it before we head out.”
“Right answer, now come on. We got time enough for a rinse if you want time to shave while I grab us something quick to eat.”
“Sir, yes sir,” Bradley replied.
Before Jake could reply, a hand came down across his ass, the slap loud and stinging. Jake would deny the noise he made until the day he died, but the delight in Bradley’s eye was a little too knowing. Instead of saying something, Jake just smirked, reached up and twisted Bradley’s nipple, hard.
“I think you bruised me,” Bradley muttered, rubbing a hand over his chest when he got into the car thirty minutes later, beard now a respectable five o-clock shadow and hair already going all over the place.
Jake snorted. “Big baby,” he said, pointing at his neck that was even redder than it had been.
Bradley’s put out look changed into a smirk that had Jake rolling his eyes even as he handed over a breakfast sandwich, pointing to the large coffee he had grabbed the man. The look of gratitude on Bradley’s face made Jake shift a little uncomfortably for some reason as he glanced down at the directions on his phone.
“So, you’ll wanna go out of the parking lot and take a left.”
“Will I now?” Bradley asked, voice muffled.
Jake glanced up to see Bradley chewing even as he pulled on his sunglasses and turned the car on, the rumble of the engine becoming a familiar noise to Jake at this point.
“Yep.”
“And what is left.”
“Stuff.”
“Stuff?”
“And things,” Jake said, reaching for his own coffee.
“And things?”
“Yep,” he said, settling back and giving Bradley a look, wondering if Jake would need to spell out where they were going or if Bradley would just drive them.
Bradley leveled him with an even look before he sighed. “I love stuff and things.”
“Figured you would,” he replied.
“You gonna give me directions the whole time?” Bradley asked, even as he put the car in reverse and started doing as Jake asked.
“Well, I could always drive if you wanna, baby?” Jake asked, leaning over the center to grin up at Bradley. The flat look he got in response made Jake grin even wider. “No?”
“You’re not that cute, Bagman,” Bradley said, eyes back on the road.
“Nah. I’m cuter,” Jake said, sitting back in the seat as Bradley carefully wove his way back out toward the street, joining the short line to turn on the main road.
“You’re in a good mood.”
“Wonder why,” Jake replied, feeling relaxed in a way he rarely did, content to just sit and enjoy the ride.
A horn beeped and Jake rolled his head to the side, catching sight of the two women from before who were waving at him where they were getting in the car. He waved back, fighting against the frown of confusion as Calla gave him a thumbs up and Nat nodded her head as Bradley made an inquiring noise.
Jake looked over to see Bradley peering around him, doing that over the sunglasses look he did when he was trying to see something better. It was something he did naturally, so at ease that Jake was fifty-fifty on if Bradley knew how good he looked when he was doing it.
“Who’re they?” Bradley asked, pulling forward as the line of cars moved.
“Met ‘em when I was doing yoga,” Jake explained.
“Hmm.”
There was an edge to Bradley’s voice that made Jake snort. “Possessive bastard,” he said, fonder than he meant to.
“Not a bastard, baby,” Bradley said, pulling onto the road and getting up to speed faster than he normally did, shifting gears, his sandwich resting on his leg as he pulled onto the highway before reaching over to rest a hand on Jake’s thigh, squeezing. “Finding myself a bit possessive though, which is new for me.”
“Calm down,” Jake said, knocking his knuckles on the back of Bradley’s hand. “Ain’t got nothing to worry about. Eat your sandwich and drink your bucket of coffee.”
The hand on his thigh squeezed before it let go with a sigh and Bradley grabbed his sandwich, beginning to eat it again. “Were they nice?”
“Yeah, they were fine,” Jake said, relaxing back as he ate his own sandwich. “Names were Nat and Calla.”
Bradley snorted. “No shit?”
“Full shit,” Jake replied. “Get this, they were perky. Like, sorority girl at the Hard Deck on a Friday perky.”
“Fuck off,” Bradley said, looking as confused as Jake felt.
“Seriously.”
“How fucking weird. No one named Nat should be perky.”
“Right?”
“What in the fuck?” Bradley asked, the car silent as he turned it off.
Jake grinned, peering at the diner that was even better in real life that it was in the photos he had see. “Those two women, right? Nat and Calla? Mentioned this to me and I looked it up and I just had to take you here.”
Just the outside of the restaurant reminded Jake of some over the top version of what people expected the fifties to be like. Color and a dramatic arch that looked like a jukebox. It was the sort of thing that was easy to spot from the road and for every person who would roll their eyes at it, another three would want to go just because it looked fun.
He looked over at Bradley in time to see the confusion settle out and a grin start to spread across Bradley’s face. With the beard shaved down, Jake could make out the dimples and for all he hadn’t minded the beard, he suddenly felt like this was the version of Rooster he liked the most so far. Messy hair, an old faded band t-shirt that was at least a size too small and turning with an amused look toward Jake.
“You know me so well,” Bradley said, voice dry.
Jake snorted. “Figured you could photograph it or some shit,” he said as he got out of the car and turned back to Bradley who still hadn’t moved. “C’mon. We can eat and then a little bit up the way is part of Route 66 and we can drive that a bit before we head back to Joshua Tree. I can’t wait for you to see the place I got.”
“Is it gonna have two rooms?” Bradley asked, twisting to grab his camera before he got out as well.
Jake leaned against the car and watched as Bradley took photos, looking very much in his element and unsurprise when the camera swung toward him for a moment. He flipped Bradley off for good measure even as he tugged out his phone from his pocket, checking it to make sure nothing else had come in. He had a few texts from Javy and Beth, one from Halo about a shirt she had apparently left at his place and nothing else except for a few group chats he had been in. It was pretty normal for him and he didn’t mind, looking up to see Bradley standing, hands on his hips as he stared up at the entrance.
Before he thought about it, he flipped to the camera app and lifted it, taking a photo of Bradley, doing his best to make it look somewhat decent despite his lack of experience. Bradley made it look easy, and Jake knew he wouldn’t get it right because it wasn’t where his interests lay, but he had never been good at not being the best at something.
Watching Bradley thought the screen, he whistled low, waiting for Bradley to turn before taking another one, and another one when a smile crossed Bradley’s face as he walked back. Jake dropped his hand as Braldey got closer.
“Taking a photo? On your phone?” Bradley gasped, walking until he was standing toe to toe with Jake.
“I do it sometimes.”
“Not a lot,” Bradley pointed out.
Jake shrugged, not arguing the point, jerking his chin toward the diner behind Bradley. “Wanted to commemorate the moment. Something as tacky as you are,” he said, pushing away from the car so his chest bumped against Bradley’s.
“Mmhmm,” Bradley said, before tugging the camera from around his neck and fiddling with something for a moment before setting it on the hood of the car.
Jake frowned, frowning even harder when Bradley grabbed his arm and dragged him back toward the diner. “Wha—your camera,” he said, looking at Bradley like he had lost his mind.
All Bradley did was grin, pinch Jake’s cheeks and turn his head toward the camera before letting go and sliding a hand so it rested on Jake’s lower back. “Smile baby. It’s on burst mode.”
It wasn’t like Bradley was giving him much of a choice, but Jake still found himself smiling at the camera, arm wrapping around Bradley’s waist, not minding the photo in the slightest.
Jake leaned over, bracing his arm on the counter they had been seated at so he could get closer to Bradley’s ear. “Hey big Daddy, did you know you get two sides with the burgers?” he asked, letting his voice go low and breathy, startling a laugh out of Bradley.
The inside of the diner was just as vibrant as the outside, people milling about and taking just as many photos of the place as Bradley was doing. There was enough pink in the room to rival a Barbie dream house and it reminded him of Madonna Inn, the way things had finally felt like they were beginning to get somewhere between him and Bradley. Not this, but something other than the antagonistic relationship they had been in for years.
“Two milkshakes,” the waitress said, appearing and dropping them off before she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived with a promise to come back for their order.
“Still can’t believe you got vanilla,” Jake muttered, shaking his head as he leaned forward to grab his chocolate shake, ignoring the glass and going straight for the cold metal can and it’s long spoon, leaning back as he began to eat the extra’s, aware of Bradley’s eyes on him.
“It’s a classic for a reason,” Bradley said, arm dropping around the back of Jake’s chair in a move so casual Jake was surprised Bradley didn’t yawn to get his arm there. “Also, you’re talking a lot of shit for someone who got chocolate.”
“You like the cherries?” Jake asked, eyeing the one on his shake and ignoring Bradley’s knowing look when he didn’t answer.
“….yes,” Bradley said with a tone that made Jake feel if he did ask for it, the idiot would hand it over.
“Good.” Jake plucked the cherry from the top of the mountain of whipped cream and dropped it on Bradley’s before it could infect anymore of his drink.
“Weirdo.” There was no hiding Bradley’s fond tone. “You know what you’re getting?”
“Thought I’d go for a solid threesome with the Frankie Avalon and the Richie Valens. If you wanna share Richie lemme know.”
“Could you have phrased that any worse?”
Jake looked up from where he was trying to scrape the last of the milkshake out of the metal cup and met Bradley’s eyes, seeing the small frown and he raised his eyebrows. “Yes.”
Opening his mouth, Bradley paused before he shook it and sighed. “Yeah, baby. I’ll share Richie with you. I’m gonna switch it up and get the Patti Page. Debated on the Tina Turner but I think if I got tuna it’d be harder to get you to kiss me later.” Bradley paused again before he grinned. “Then again, I do remember you almost making yourself sick on shrimp.”
“Shrimp is the best food in the world,” Jake said, ready and willing to defend this. “But, I don’t mind tuna. And there’s a five and dime I wanna look through so I’m sure they have gum or something.”
“So you want me to get the tuna?”
“I’m jussayin that if you did get it it wouldn’t be enough for me to not kiss you,” Jake said, leaning forward to set the milkshake on the counter.
“And people say you’re not sweet.”
“Considering you were normally people I’d be careful about what you were sayin’,” Jake said with a grin, getting an eyeroll from Bradley.
“And in a good mood.”
“Slept well, had a good work out, good food, got jerked off in the shower, life’s pretty good today, Rooster,” Jake said, unabashed and unashamed at it. “It’s been a good day.”
“Only halfway through,” Bradley pointed out, leaning forward and resting his chin on Jake’s shoulder. “What if it changes.”
Jake turned his head with a smile toward Bradley, bringing them close together. “Well, at least it won’t rain if we get into a big argument this time.”
“There is that,” Bradley said, chuckling as he pulled back and shook his head, anything he was going to say lost as the waitress reappeared, ready for their orders. He didn’t pull his arm back, and if Jake leaned back so he could feel the warmth of Bradley’s arm through his shirt, well, no one but him would know.
“You ever want to drive the whole route?” Jake asked, sticking his head out the window, missing Bradley’s reply in his search for another of the iconic road markings. Aother one passed and he grinned, moving back inside and looking over at Bradley to make another inquisitive noise.
“Sometimes,” Bradley said, shrugging as he kept driving, one hand on the steering wheel, the other hanging out the window.
It was shaping up to be the sort of day country singers would write whole albums to. Sunny but not too warm, the skies mostly a bright blue except for a couple of clouds. The road stretched out far in front of them, the distant hills the only thing breaking up the skyline. Now and again they would pass another car but they were few and far between. The same as the run-down towns they had driven through with nothing but old crumbling gas stations with fading signs that proclaimed gas at a dollar or less. The car jostled, going over another pothole that was in the beginning stages of turning into a pothole, the road not used enough to actually make upkeep worth it.
“And then I think about how run down it is and all the money it would cost for my shocks to be replaced at the end of the trip and that drive for it disappears,” Bradley said dryly, moving to drive in the center of the road to avoid another one. “Or to have my axel fixed.”
“Fair.” Jake wiggled to get more comfortable in the seat. “And you can’t have your baby hurt, now can ya darlin’?”
“He’s a bit of a pain in the ass so he usually has it coming but yeah.”
It took a moment for Jake to click to what Bradley had said and he rolled his head to the side, seeing the self-satisfied smirk on Bradley’s face. “Cute,” he said, rolling his eyes looking out the window again, at the town sign of Ludlow, the buildings crumbling and fading except for one with had a couple of cars outside of it, people posing.
“Hungry?” he asked, looking at the sign for a café.
Bradley groaned in response. “No. We really didn’t need all that food.”
“But it was good.”
“Yeah, it was.”
It was the natural end to the conversation, both of them still full from lunch and the ice-cream they had gotten after, driving down a road that could take them out of California and toward Chicago, all of their worries and their jobs left behind and for a brief moment Jake let himself imagine that, before reality crashed down because he didn’t want to. For as much as everything was up in the air, and Jake wanted to know what was going to happen on Monday, he missed flying. He missed the adrenaline when he was pressed back against the seat, the roar and vibration of the engine under his legs, the way his brain had to race, half unthinking actions and half trying to keep up to the speeds they were going.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to get back up in the air,” Jake said suddenly, missing it in a way he hadn’t realized, lost in their little bubble, but now the trip was coming to an end and all Jake could do was look to the future.
“Same.”
Jake looked over at Bradley, seeing the clench in his jaw. “Really?”
Bradley glanced at him and shrugged. “Yeah, I mean. I don’t know how I’m gonna react honestly. And I know I’ve got a meeting with some Navy appointed shrink to make sure I’m handling everything okay, but I do wanna fly again.”
There was a lot more to it than that, and Jake wanted to ask, but he found the words sticking in his throat. He swallowed a few times and asked anyway. “You think it’s gonna be that easy?” he asked, doing his best to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
He watched as Bradley’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, the tension suddenly ratcheting up in the car before Bradley blew out a low breath and shook his head once. An angry motion, jerky from the tight control. “I hope it is,” he said after another deep breath. “But.” Here Bradley paused before he shook his head before thudding it back against the head rest. “I’m healed. Physically. But I’m not stupid enough to believe that is all of it.”
Another pause.
“You weren’t wrong. I’m going to have to come to terms with a lot of stuff. The mission, flying in general, Mav, the fact that I disobeyed orders to go back. A lot happened,” Bradley murmured, his words almost lost to the rush of wind coming from outside before he shook his head. “I want to get back into the air, because I love flying. But it’s not going to be as easy for me as it is for the rest of you.”
“You’ll get there. Stubborn asshole that you are,” Jake said, looking back out the window. He thought of Santa Cruz, the panic in Bradley’s face after the ride and hoped that with more time that would disappear. He bit back the comments he wanted to make, chewing on the inside of his lip instead because he knew Bradley didn’t need to hear everything he had to say.
“You’re gonna end up giving yourself an aneurysm keeping your mouth shut.”
Jake huffed. “Someone doesn’t want me to push. So, I’m gonna keep quiet for the sake of this,” he explained, waving a finger between them.
“Look at you being sweet,” Bradley said, switching hands and reaching over to grab Jake’s and squeeze. “I don’t expect you to like…change who you are.”
“Mm, definitely remember being yelled at about that,” Jake said, not tugging his hand back as Bradley slotted their fingers together.
“Yeah, well, you’re still you. I have no doubt that you’re gonna get annoyed and start nagging soon enough, so how about you just listen for once in your fucking life when I tell you to back off.”
It was an olive branch. A way for them to meet in the middle and Jake wanted to take it so badly because he enjoyed this. He wanted to see where this went. The realization that had struck him that morning that he and Bradley were together was still lingering, settling into his chest and making him almost giddy. He hadn’t been lying to Bradley at lunch. It had been a good day, but for a lot more reasons that Bradley expected.
But he was still who he was, and Jake had always looked the gift horse in the mouth.
“How about we see what happens on Monday?” he offered, his own olive branch as he looked back at Bradley. “We don’t know what we got called back for, could be something, could be nothing. If we’re not stationed together it’s a moot point, but if we are…,” Jake trailed off and shrugged. “Gonna be some growing pains.”
“We’re not the same people we were,” Bradley pointed out.
“I am. You just know me better.”
“We’ll see what Coyote has to say about that,” Bradley said, sounding more self-assured than Jake expected. Like Jake had changed. And it was only Jake that hadn’t realized it yet.
“Oh shit, look at that,” Bradley said, glad that there was no one behind him as he hit the breaks and indicated, pulling off the road to park in the small lot right near the sign proclaiming this to be Roy’s Hotel and Café.
“A sign,” Jake said, voice as dry as the desert they were driving in.
Bradley rolled his eyes as he parked, turning the car off as he twisted to grab his camera, aware of Jake’s eyes on him. “It googie.”
“Wanna try that again, darlin’?”
Glancing at Jake, he saw the small frown between his eyebrows and he grinned, jerking his chin toward the sign as he opened the door to get out. “Googie archicture. The sort of shit you seen in stuff from the fifties. Old school Vegas style you know?” he explained even as he slid out of the car. “My Mom and I always loved it. Would always find the motels and stuff whenever we were on road trips that were like this.”
“Ah,” Jake said.
Bradley knew it wasn’t for everyone as he slammed the door shut behind him, surprised to hear a twin slam a second after and he glanced over his shoulder in time to see Jake hoist himself up onto the hood of the bronco and lean forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Bradley turned, walking backward as he took a few photos of Jake, seeing the unimpressed look that slowly changed into an indulgent smile.
“Won’t be long, baby,” Bradley said, turning and pausing beginning to take photos, wishing he had the polaroid his Mom had favored to add to the collection.
He got to the base of the sign and tilted his head back, staring up at it for a moment, wondering what it would look like lit up at night, a beacon in the dark for travelers on a long trip. The desert could play tricks even at nighttime, and long flat roads could be dangerous just because the brain wanted there to be something there. He took another photo before he started to wander back to the car, aware of Jake still sitting on the hood, staring at him.
“Wonder how bright that gets at night,” Jake said when Bradley was closer.
“Right?” He was amused he and Jake were on the same page there. “Night time desert oasis,” he offered as he stopped in front of Jake before resting his arms on Jake’s knees and looked up at him. His hair was messy, his neck still patchy red from the beard burn that was fading and he was smiling softly at Bradley.
“You look good,” Bradley said, wondering if it would be too much to reach up and tug him down into a kiss.
Jake’s eyebrows raised. “Where did that come from?”
“Felt like saying it,” he said, slapping Jake on the side of the leg. “C’mon, the shops open.” He pointed at the small café he could see through the glass doors. “I’d like a coffee.”
“Or some water maybe?”
“Coffee has water in it,” Bradley replied, stepping back to let Jake slide off the hood of the car, before leaning in and kissing him quickly, finding he enjoyed it a lot more when he had less beard. And he was sure Jake enjoyed it as well.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Jake said, patting him on the side as he pulled back from the kiss.
“It’s working for me so far,” Bradley said, beginning to walk backward.
Sighing, Jake followed him, Bradley turning when Jake fell into step with him. “There’s the Route 66 painted on the road out that way if you want to take a photo of that before we leave.”
“Oh, hell yeah,” Bradley said, glancing behind him, suddenly itching to take a photo when there was almost no one around.
“Go.”
Bradley turned back to Jake who was sighing, waving a hand. “Go take your photo,” he said before he grinned and pointed a finger. “You know where to find me.”
Bradley looked over to where Jake was pointing and saw the sign for a gift shop and he laughed, leaning in to kiss Jake quickly because he could and he liked the way Jake looked a little bit softer after each kiss. “Thanks, sweetheart,” he said, before he turned and headed toward the main road, fingers already itching to take a photo and wondering how in the hell he was going to stop kissing Jake whenever he could when they got back to San Diego.
“You get what you wanted?” Jake asked when Bradley reappeared inside.
“Well, I get to see you again so yeah,” Bradley said, his grin widening when Jake rolled his eyes and handed over a cup of to-go coffee, still hot enough Bradley grimaced at the first sip.
The small café was empty, the lone waitress texting in the back corner, and Bradley paid her no mind as he dropped onto the seat next to Jake, well aware he could sit across from him in the small booth Jake had chosen, but he was aware of their time running out and he wanted to be as close as he could. He set the camera on the table and dropped his arm around Jake’s shoulders, drumming his fingers on his opposite arm.
“I meant the photo,” Jake said, rolling his eyes even as he shifted over to make more room, and, in a move Bradley wanted to call cute but knew better than to actually mention it, leaned against him a little more, fitting himself into Bradley’s side.
It wasn’t comfortable. Jake was taller than him sitting but there was something about tugging the stubborn, opinionated asshole of a man and cuddling with him that Bradley was fast growing addicted to. He never wanted to stop because stopping meant that Jake wouldn’t be in his arms.
“San Diego,” he said before he could stop himself.
“What about it?” Jake asked, grabbing his own drink, something that smelled vaguely of citrus and looked like it had been juiced.
“You going to the meet up on Friday?” he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.
“Yep, you?”
“Mmhmm,” Bradley said, twisting in the seat so he could face Jake better. “This.”
“This?”
Bradley waved the cup of coffee between them as if that explained everything.
“Out with it Bradshaw,” Jake said, treating him to a full eyeroll, his head moving along with it. “Say what you wanna say.”
“I know we haven’t exactly…talked about how this is all gonna work because we’re still waiting to see what happens on Monday. And I get that. But we’re dating, and I don’t want to have to hide that fact from everyone. I’m gonna tell Nat, and you’re gonna tell Coyote and it just…I dunno. I know its new and there’s still shit we’re dealing with and gonna figure out but I don’t wanna start this on the wrong foot.”
“You think keeping a low profile is the wrong foot?” Jake asked, in a tone that told Bradley he was walking on very thin ice.
“I think that neither of us are low profile people and no one we work with is stupid. And we have two options, we can either get ahead of the game and let people freak out in their own time, or we can mess up when I kiss you in front of them because you’re cute and I want to,” Bradley said, biting back a smile as Jake ducked his head for a brief moment before his chin jerked up, the moment of softness there and gone in an instant but he had seen it.
“Even if we gave them a heads up they’re still gonna eye us the whole time,” Jake said, reasonable as always but Bradley knew this argument.
“So might as well get it out of the way,” he said, leaning in closer, seeing the shades of green in Jake’s eyes and the soft lines at the corners of his eyes that deepened when he smiled. “Look. I like you. A whole lot. And I don’t know how to do subtle as a heads up. At no point in a relationship am I subtle.”
“They’re not very long though, are they?” Jake asked, biting because Bradley was pushing him.
“Nope,” he said with cheer because Jake wasn’t wrong. Bradley did leave and it was easy right now for Bradley to imagine the future where he didn’t break up with someone just because he was afraid of leaving them behind. But it was the same thought he had at the start of every relationship. He was excited, and he was sure this time he would manage to not have a break down and break up with someone right before he shipped out. Only, every time the same thing happened and there was nothing he could do about it except try his best and hope that he wasn’t that person anymore.
“Look,” Bradley said, pausing for a second to gather his thoughts. “I want this. And if you wanna hide then we can hide for a bit, baby. I’m not gonna push about this. But I don’t think we should. That’s what I think but we both need to be on the same page. Alright?”
Jake pursed his lips before he nodded once, his head jerking. “Fine, I’ll think about it,” he said, giving a little in the same way Jake always gave a little bit.
“That’s all I can ask,” Bradley said, tamping down on his disappointment as he moved to stand, waggling his fingers at Jake. “C’mon.”
“Where are we going?” Jake asked, even as he stood.
“I wanna look at the gift shop and then we gotta start heading into Joshua Tree, yeah?”
“Yeah, check in is after three and we should grab some food before we go in,” Jake explained, leading the way to the gift shop.
“Food and other things,” Bradley said, crowding up behind Jake, letting his voice drop low as he palmed the man’s ass.
Jake snorted. “Seriously?”
“What? After this morning you don’t think it’s on my mind?” Bradley asked, remembering how Jake felt pressed against him, the curve of his ass under his palm and how tempted he was to drop to his knees and eat Jake out instead of fucking him.
He half expected Jake to roll his eyes and walk away but he was surprised when all Jake did was turn and stop, Bradley bumping into him but not stepping back, the two of them standing chest to chest in the small walkway between café and gift shop, a single overhead light casting both of them in shadows. Jake grinned at him, fingers hooking into the front of Bradley’s jeans and he suddenly felt his throat go dry.
“You know the place we’re staying is isolated. No neighbors for at least a few miles in any direction according to the booking,” Jake said, tilting his head to the side. “Just us.”
“Is that so?” Bradley murmured, keeping his voice even by strength of will alone, especially with Jake’s fingers that close to his dick for the second time that day.
“Yep,” Jake said, popping the p before he turned and kept heading into the gift shop.
Bradley watched him go, eyes following the curve of his back and down before he lifted his coffee and took a long sip and followed, wondering if they ended up not telling anyone they were dating how long it would take before someone figured it out. But Bradley wasn’t wrong. Neither of them were good at subtle.
The gift shop was small, and he meandered around, eyes catching on things here and there, grabbing a t-shirt for the stop because he really did like the logo. He was in the middle of paying when something caught his eye and before he could stop himself he grabbed the small blue keychain in the same style as the Neon light museum one Jake had bought him at the start of the trip. The one that hung on his keys, fitting in as if it had always been there.
“Ready?” Bradley asked, finding Jake by the book.
“Yeah, darlin’, lets go,” Jake said, heading out the door, Bradley a step behind him. He followed Jake all the way to the car, dropping his bag into the back before fishing out the small keychain and wandering over to where Jake had pulled himself into the seat but not closed the door.
“Here,” Bradley said, resting an elbow on Jake’s knee and lifted a hand, letting the keychain dangle from his finger.
“What’s this?”
“Well, it’s this cool thing you can get to help distinguish your keys from someone elses,” Bradley said, grinning when Jake shot him a look. “Matches the one you got me.”
Jake took it, staring at it as if it was a live bomb before he curled his fingers around in and shrugged. “It’ll look great on the one key I have for my house.”
“Thought so,” Bradley said, squeezing Jake’s knee before pulling back to head to his side of the car, but not before he caught the small smile Jake directed at the keyring in his hand.
“Holy shit, you ever consider becoming a travel agent?” Bradley asked as he wandered through the small cabin Jake had found.
It was the sort of place that belonged in some travel magazine Bradley only ever read when he was in a waiting room for some appointment. The sort of house that he expected celebrities to stay in. The small, one bedroom place had more windows than Bradley had ever seen and it was hard to look away from the Mojave stretched out in front of him, painted in reds and golds as the sun started to set over the mountains. He could make out distant lights, but both of them had started to feel worried they were lost as they drove in, further and further from civilization and making Bradley glad that they had stopped for food when they drove past a grocery store.
He dropped his bag in the bedroom floor, kicking it to the side as he took in the wide bed that looked like it would be a dream to sleep in. The small bathroom off the edge had a full sized tub and a separate shower.
“Why?” Jake asked, nudging past him to drop his bag onto the bed before taking off his shoes and socks.
“Because this place is nice,” Bradley said, copying Jake before heading back into the living room with it’s open concept that led to the small but functional kitchen.
He snagged the bags they had dragged in and started putting stuff in the fridge, Jake joining him as they worked in silence. It only took a second for them to put everything away, they hadn’t gotten a lot and most of it was premade food. Neither of them had been that inclined for anything else. He snagged one of the beers they had gotten, a six pack of something local Jake knew and liked and popped the top, nodding his head in appreciation as he snagged another one and held it out.
“Car warm beer? I’m good,” Jake said, chuckling as he headed toward the backdoor and opened it, stepping outside.
“I was thirsty!” Bradley defended himself as he grabbed the camera and started taking photos with one hand to remember the place as it was because it was borderline one of the nicest places he’d ever been in.
“From all that coffee,” Jake called back.
Bradley rolled his eyes and followed Jake outside, stopping for a moment as he took in the view, somehow even more majestic without the glass between him and nature. It was a nice night, warm but not sweltering and Bradley could feel the little tension he still had in his shoulders after the past weeks melt away. He stood there for a moment, staring out across the view before he finally started taking photos. He could hear the soft footsteps as Jake drew closer before he felt a hand brush over his lower back as Jake came to a stop next to him.
“This is a hell of a view,” he said, dropping the camera and looking over at Jake who had his arms crossed but he was nodding.
Bradley took another pull of his beer before he tilted the bottle toward Jake who took it with a sigh and drank some, tilting his head from side to side. “It’ll be better tomorrow,” Jake said, handing it back.
Taking another sip, Bradley jerked his chin toward a spot underneath the patio awning, no deck chairs in sight. “Good for yoga there, yeah?”
Jake nodded. “It was a toss-up between this one and one that had a yoga platform.”
“A yoga platform?” Bradley demanded, incredulous.
“Yeahhh, it was nice. But I liked the hot tub in this one better,” Jake explained, waving a hand to the side where he had been exploring.
Bradley tilted his head until he caught sight of the tub and raised his eyebrows, stepping past Jake who chuckled, snagging the bottle out of his hand as he walked past. Bradley was aware of Jake watching him as he took another photo, and then another one, enamored by the Joshua tree right next to the tub, the way the light was catching the harsh angles of it.
“Seriously, baby, this place is amazing,” Bradley said, turning to walk back to Jake who was leaning against the doorframe, the bottle of beer raised to his mouth. Bradley waited for him to drop the bottle before crowding him against the frame and leaning in to kiss him, feeling Jake’s free hand curl around his side before his fingers gripped his shirt and tugged him in, the kiss deepening as Jake spread his knees, letting Bradley slide closer to him.
There was this noise Jake made, a little hitch in the back of his throat every time Bradley pressed him against a wall, and it was a noise he was fast getting addicted to, especially with the way Jake kissed. It was like everything else he did in the world, all consuming, it was the beginnings of a fight, pushing into the kiss only for Bradley to push back and then Jake would settle, letting Bradley push him even harder into the wall, aware of every point of contact between them. It would never last, a few moments of sucking on Jake’s tongue before Jake would push back, the fight almost starting only for Bradley to tilt his head to the side and Jake would settle back down.
It was addictive in the best way, reminding Bradley of the one time he had smoked and how much he had loved it, only stopping because Cancer was a fear he felt close to his heart and he wouldn’t risk it. He could feel the press of beer bottle against his side as he cupped Jake’s elbow and squeezed, breaking the kiss and panting, his forehead resting against Jake’s eyes half-open as he listened to their harsh breathing.
“That’s the plan then?” Jake asked, first, always quickest on the draw, to recover, to move past the moment and never linger in it.
Bradley had a sudden urge to teach Jake how to linger in a moment, force Jake to slow down and enjoy instead of moving onto the next one.
“Plan?” Bradley asked, pulling back so he could see all of Jake’s face and not just the corner of his eye.
“Kissing for the next twenty-four,” Jake said, lips swollen and mouth twisted into the same knowing smile that once upon a time made Bradley want to punch it.
“I mean…among…,” Bradley trailed off, dropping his head forward with a groan.
“Wha…,” Jake said before he clearly caught on to what Bradley was annoyed about and he sighed as well, curling a hand around the back of Bradley’s neck and squeezing.
They had gotten food, they had gotten beer and they had gotten a new razor for Bradley and that was it. They had gotten distracted by a conversation over mushrooms of all things, a list of reasons why Jake hated them and Bradley countering them each time with explanations of why he was wrong, even though Bradley also hated them, right up until Jake caught the smile Bradley was fighting and stalked off in a huff.
“Damn it,” Bradley muttered, pressing his face against Jake’s neck because he liked the curve of it against his mouth.
“We’ve got time, darlin’,” Jake said, squeezing the back of Bradley’s neck before sliding his hand up, through his hair and tugging until Bradley lifted his head and met Jake’s eyes. “Plenty of it even,” he said, pushing away from the wall, forcing Bradley to take a step back. “And might actually feel a little less bad about it since it’s my own sheets I’ll ruin.”
Chuckling, Bradley let his hands drop to Jake’s waist. “Is that why you stole all my cash back in Napa?” he asked, sliding his hands underneath Jake’s shirt to feel the flex of muscle as he forced Bradley back another step.
“Maid’s don’t deserve that kinda shit,” Jake replied, shrugging. “Least I could do.”
Before Bradley could say anything else, Jake ducked out of Bradley’s grip and walked past him finishing the beer and setting it down on the table before he stripped his shirt off and started to walk toward the hot tub, dropping the fabric on the ground. Bradley turned, watching the play of muscle under skin painted even more golden by the dying rays of sunlight that cast everything into shadow. He swallowed, fingers twitching as Jake pushed his jeans down, stopping to bend over and pull them off before he was standing in his briefs. Bradley swallowed, his fingers tightening on the camera, forcing himself to keep his hand to his side and not take the photos he wanted to take.
But it was hard when Jake pushed his briefs down as well, dropping them on top of the jeans, naked skin right there and Bradley wanted to sink his fingers into his sides, over the give of muscle and skin, see what spots made Jake respond, be it a moan to a glare, Bradley wanted to map Jake’s body like the sailors of old would map the stars to lead them home. He took a step forward, camera coming up and taking a photo before he could think about it, taking more and more as Jake walked into the hot tub, catching the moment Jake turned, the smile turning into an outright glare, water lapping around his hips and hiding anything but no amount of imagination could erase the fact that Jake was naked.
“Seriously, Bradshaw?” Jake demanded, his finger coming up and pointing at Bradley, immortalized in film forever.
There was taking a photo and then there was pushing it and Bradley knew he was pushing it as he dropped the camera onto the table before yanking off his shirt, wanting to get into the tub because Jake was right there. The scowl faded, but didn’t disappear as Bradley stripped like his life depended on it and he got into the tub, a lot less graceful than Jake but it was worth it to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him close again.
“If I had paper and pencils I’d draw you but thats is all I got with me,” Bradley said, leaning into kiss Jake, unsurprised at the hand curling around his neck, fingers digging alongside his spine, making him hiss but the pain was fleeting as Jake pulled back.
“Can you even draw?” Jake asked, leveling the same unimpressed look at Bradley as he pulled back and dropped into the water.
Like the siren that he was, Bradley followed him, sliding into Jake’s lap, knees aching almost immediately on the unforgiving bench. “Yeah,” he admitted, shrugging as he tried to kiss Jake again, only for Jake to pull back, frowning.
“Music, photography and now drawing?” he asked, head tilting to the side as he clearly tried to make sense of Bradley.
Bradley shrugged. “Mom was an art teacher, she taught me a lot of different things,” he explained, shifting to sit across from Jake, letting himself sink into the water and relax, figuring he should wait a few moments before trying to kiss him again.
“You artistic I’m guessing, more than I assumed before?”
Bradley shrugged again. “Yeah. Art, all different kinds. I’ll pick things up and set them back down. Piano and photograph are the main ones, but I like drawing, sculpting, watercolors and other shit like that. I even know how to knit a scarf if you’re so inclined. Never good at that though, didn’t have the patience for that.
Jake was watching him like he had never seen Bradley before, frowning as if he was trying to fit the new pieces of who Bradley was into a wider puzzle. “All that artistry. You’re a good piano player, you can sing well, you’re a good photographer and now you can draw and other shit and you still joined the Navy?”
It wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned that, and he wasn’t surprised that Jake had as well. Normally, Bradley would change the answer because trying to explain it to someone who didn’t know what it felt like to be up in a jet was impossible. It was hard, it had been hard to get where he was, one of the best in a world full of the best the Navy had to offer, the work he had to put in, being at the top of everything, being the first there and the last to leave, studying hard to make sure when he graduated college it was summa cum laude, with enough cords around his neck it almost felt like a hug from the parents that couldn’t be there.
Most people wouldn’t understand. But Jake wasn’t most people.
“Because they’re hobbies,” Bradley said, shrugging his shoulder. “I have fun doing them, but I’m not passionate about them. Not the way I am about flying.” He dropped his head back with a chuckle, staring up at the night sky that was slowly darkening as the sun finished sinking, moving from twilight into true night and all the stars that appeared, easy to see without the light pollution. “Fuck, baby. All of that? It doesn’t hold a fucking candle to the way I feel when I’m up in the air.”
He lifted his head and looked over at Jake who had pulled a knee up, his elbow resting on it, head tilted to the side as he kept looking at Bradley with the same look on his face. Finally, Jake tilted his head to the side. “Can’t argue with that, now can I?”
“Knowing you, you’d try,” Bradley pointed out.
That got a smile out of Jake as he shrugged, shameless. “So?”
“So nothing baby, I’m just pointing it out.”
Humming, Jake sunk into the water and let his head drop back, legs dropping and stretching out until Bradley felt them brush against his ankles. The tub wasn’t large, good for two people and maybe four if they didn’t mind being pressed close against each other. It made it easy to watch Jake, especially as the sun finished setting and they were left in a darkness broken only by a solitary light that came on as soon as night hit. It was quiet, the sort of quiet that Bradley almost never experiences living the live that he did, but it was peaceful.
Bradley of a month ago couldn’t have imagined a moment like this, but that was him then, and it had been a hell of a time the past couple of months. He swallowed, leaning forward and reaching out, resting a hand on Jake’s knee to get his attention. “I wanna tell the world, baby,” he said before Jake could even finish raising his head.
Jake paused, frowning at him. “What?”
“You and me? This is good, this is a start and I wanna tell everyone.”
Even in the dark, he could see Jake rolling his eyes. “I said I’d think about it.”
“I know. But I’m making another argument for it,” Bradley said, feeling Jake’s thigh tense under his hand. “Look. I’m gonna fuck up in two seconds of being in a room with you so what is even the point of trying to hide it? You wanna fake an argument around our friends? How the fuck can we explain the differences without touching on what we are now?”
Jake sat up fully, his leg pulling away from Bradley’s hand, arms crossing, defensive, closing himself off. “I think that us being friends is going to be weird enough that we won’t even need to touch on all of that.”
There was an edge to Jake’s voice. His words no longer rounded but clipped, the letters he’d drop and smooth out his drawl gone in favor of this more direct tone. It was the one Bradley had heard over the years, directed at CO’s and people he didn’t like. It was something that Bradley had never noticed before now but it was another thing in a long line of differences he could clock because he knew Jake better than he had.
“Maybe. But I just think—”
“—christ, Rooster. Why are you pushing? I said I’d think about it. It’s been a day. You can wait at least a fucking week, can’t you?”
The tone was even sharper, and Jake was fully on the defensive now and Bradley took a moment to gather his thoughts. “Honestly, I don’t think I can,” he said, unsurprised when Jake stood as if to get out, water streaming down his chest and thighs and it was distracting enough Bradley almost didn’t reach out and snag Jake’s hand, tug him to a stop. “Hey, just. Hear me out, please?”
“Gonna hear you out the same way you’re giving me time to think?”
There was a joke about being on a perch somewhere there, but one look at the shadowed, twisted scowl on Jake’s face was enough to make the words dry up in Bradley’s throat. “Look,” he said tugging, and then tugging harder when Jake wouldn’t budge until he got the man to sink back into the water, sitting down next to Bradley.
Bradley turned, pulling a knee up onto the bench so he could face Jake who still hard his arms crossed, shoulders rounded, jaw set in a familiar way. “Look,” he repeated, knowing he had one chance at this because Jake had never been a second chance kind of guy even though they were both on their second chances right then. “It’s been a day, yes. But it’s Wednesday and we’re going to be at the bar on Friday and look at how we’re acting now. Okay? You make me feel like a teenager in their first relationship, I wanna tuck you under my arm and hold your hand all the time.”
“Half surprised you don’t fucking yawn to get me there,” Jake muttered. “You’re the one who initiates most of it.”
It was a fair point, and Bradley had a lot of thoughts about why Jake was holding back. “Want me to stop then?” he asked, feeling the water slap against his chest when Jake flinched. “I get why you’re apprehensive, trust me. I do. I’ve got a lot of worries and concerns as well, especially depending on what happens Monday, but fuck, baby. I meant what I said the other day. This has legs. And I wanna run and that means not forcing myself from holding back on holding your hand, or kissing you. If you want to, if you really wanna, I can do my best not to kiss you hello and goodbye.”
Jake groaned, dropping his head back as both hands came up to rub over his face, pressing his palms and letting out another groan that bordered more on a muffled scream. He said something, the words muffled by his palms but Bradley could understand the gist of what he was saying. Jake wouldn’t even be the first person to make a comment about how all in Bradley could get early on.
Nat had an opinion that Bradley was like that in the beginning because he was preparing for the end when he would back away. That he loved the idea of love but not the reality of long-term commitment. She wasn’t wrong, but Bradley always hoped to prove her wrong.
“Why are you the way that you are?” Jake finally demanded, sounding exhausted enough that Bradley felt a split second of worry. “This is payback, isn’t it? For the pushing?”
“Kinda sucks, doesn’t it?” Bradley asked, leaning in closer and kissing Jake’s shoulder.
He felt the water move around him before Jake’s hand was cupping his cheek, thumb pressed against his carotid until Bradley couldn’t tell their pulses apart.
“Look. Just. Can I sleep on it, please?”
“Yeah,” Bradley said, knowing there had to be a little give and take for this to work. “I’ve made my case as much as I can. I’ll even be nice and give you two sleeps if you want. Friday we’re gonna need to make a choice.”
“Oh, so nice,” Jake muttered, his hand dropping back into the water as he sunk down. “I got naked and got in the hot tub and you derailed the whole thing to talk about your feelings, you big girl.”
“Baby, you like it,” Bradley said, shifting to settle, looking out across the desert, at the distant twinkling lights and the looming specter of the Joshua tree right next to them. “We got off this morning, I’m not twenty-one and honestly, I’m liking the view enough to wanna enjoy it.”
“It is a good one,” Jake said with a sigh, not disagreeing.
The fact was, Bradley wanted to know because he wanted the solid ground the answer could give him. But he knew enough to know Jake needed time because Bradley had been the one hurting people in relationships by running away every time he could, but Jake had been the one who had been hurt. He could wait until Friday morning. They had tomorrow, they had no plans and Bradley could enjoy the moment for what it was.
“You’re gonna be up late taking photos of this, aren’t you?” Jake asked, waving a hand across the view.
“Don’t have much with me for night photos but I’m gonna do what I can, why?”
“Curious.”
“Hmm.”
The silence was easier than Bradley expected given they had walked close to an argument that could’ve easily broken them this early in the game. But it hadn’t, and they were still here, and things were good.
Bradley glanced over at Jake, his chin tipped against his chest, chewing on his bottom lip, half of his face hidden in the darkness but there was enough to see the worry and Bradley found he didn’t like that at all. He shifted, stretching his arms up over his head and arching his back as he yawned, loud and exaggerated before he dropped his arm around Jake’s shoulder and tugged him in closer. “Sorry, baby. I’m getting sleepy it seems.”
The echo of Jake’s laugh fading into the night really was one of the best sounds Bradley had heard in awhile.
Notes:
bc i couldn't decided between which to post you get one of bradleys stories. you KNOW that man is the kind to repost a 1000 memes and then a bathroom shirtless selfie in the middle somewhere
Chapter 14
Notes:
IT'S HERE.
First and foremost, thank you to EVERYONE who has come along with me on this journey through this insane and long story. I cannot thank you all ENOUGH for all the kind words and comments and support. Seriously, it's been an honor and the fact that we're here right now blows by mind a bit but we made it!!
And for individual thank yous, first to Nimue for always listening to be bitch and talk about this story this whole time because it has been a labor of love for sure. And secondly, thank you so so so much to Arctic who did some amazing, wonderful art for me you will see at the end of this chapter. Seriously, thank you so much I love it and everyone should go and give her all the love because she is SO talented! And lastly, anyone who asked me questions about this during the wip wednesdays thank you for the added motivation I sometimes needed to kick my butt into gear to write more.
Also, as always if you want to talk about these boys in all their insanity my tumblr
Chapter Text
The only reason Bradley knew it was still morning when he woke up was because the edge of the sun was still shining right into his face, not yet high enough to clear the window, especially this time of the year. Sunset was earlier and sunrise was later and soon night would win more often than not, but one of the perks about southern California was that it still tended to run warm. Something Bradley was grateful for as he rolled over and stretched an arm out, unsurprised to find Jake missing, but part of him still wished he was there. He wanted those kinds of mornings, where he could wake up wrapped around Jake and kiss him first thing, but he knew they would be few and far between. Bradley didn’t mind waking up early, but he had never been that person despite the callsign.
But Jake was.
Sitting up, Bradley scrubbed both hands over his face and looked through the door that led to the living room, not seeing Jake and if he listened, he couldn’t hear the sounds of someone moving in the house. It took a second before Bradley felt like he could move to get out of bed and grab a shirt, stumble to the kitchen only to pause when he caught sight of the carafe of steaming coffee sitting on the counter.
If he was more awake the noise he made would be more embarrassing, but he was still half-asleep as he stumbled over, grabbed one of the cups on the counter and poured himself a cup. It was still warm enough it scalded his tongue, the edge of almost too hot and it was perfect. He shuffled into the center of the living room, turning, catching sight of the side open bathroom door and the rolled-up yoga mat sitting in the corner, testaments to Jake not being there. He turned to look outside, blinking away the brightness until his eyes adjusted, finally catching sight of Jake. He was sitting in one of the patio chairs by the small table, legs stretched out in front of him, heels resting on the other chair, a cup in one hand resting on the table, and a book propped open on his lap. His hair was a mess, and as Bradley watched he let go of the cup to scrub a hand through his hair, messing it up more, before turning the page and went back to holding the cup. He was still in his infernal yoga clothes, the shorts that would always ride up and the shirt that clung in just the right way. Every time Bradley saw him like he had had the sudden urge to wake up early and join to spend more staring at Jake in that outfit.
The same sixth sense that all pilots developed, even if Bradley needed at least two more cups before his activated, triggered in Jake as he lifted his head and turned, immediately narrowing in on Bradley watching him like a creeper. Instead of feeling embarrassed, Bradley lifted his cup and watched as a smile crossed Jake’s face, so far from the smirk he was used to, or the scowl that had been just as common. This was different. This was soft and sweet and made Bradley want to promise all sorts of stupid shit just so he could see it more.
Shuffling outside, well aware of the eyes following him, and he jerked his chin up in a hello, watching as Jake pulled his legs back from the second chair before kicking it so Bradley could sit more easily in it.
“Morning,” Jake said, taking a sip from his cup, voice honey-smooth with fondness but still holding that edge of sleep-burr. Bradley figured he hadn’t said a word until he had spoken to Bradley. “Sleep well?”
“Mmhmm,” Bradley said, moving to sit down with a groan, his body stiff from sleep and he hated to give Jake credit but moving more would probably help him. He settled back into the chair and dropped his head back with a groan, letting his neck relax as he felt the tension release. “You ever get stiff in the morning?”
Silence reigned long enough Bradley lifted his head and saw Jake waggling his eyebrows. Rewinding what he said, Bradley snorted. “Not that way.”
“It’s the more fun way.”
“True,” Bradley said taking another sip, content to wait for the actual answer.
“Yeah, the yoga helps,” Jake said, voice pointed enough Bradley didn’t even need to stop communing with his coffee to get the message. “Also depends on how much I’ve been flying, what else I’ve been doing and all that other shit. Fuck, I don’t know how Mav does it.”
“He’s not human,” Bradley said, propping his elbow on the table so he could rest his still heavy head on his fist. “Sure, of it. Even more so now.”
“Well, your lips to God’s ears,” Jake murmured.
Jake took another sip before he shrugged. “I wasn’t as regimented in my twenties. Started doing it more when I would spend a week flying and my body would be aching by the time Saturday rolled around.” Jake paused and looked down at the cup, rubbing a finger along the rim. “Maria got me into it. She actually taught me most of what I know.”
It was hard to keep his lip from curling, especially since he was still trying to figure out how Jake felt about her. He assumed there was some level of something fond, but there was also a lot of hurt and Bradley knew that getting defensive about Jake against someone he had never met was a recipe for disaster. Even if it was difficult to reign that impulse in. “Was she an instructor or something?” he asked, aiming for neutral and ready to blame just waking up when he failed.
“Nah, nothin’ like that. She just did classes and knew the basics. But, when I started to see more results, I ended up taking a few classes just to make sure I was doing it right, you know? And when I got something down that worked for me I stopped going and just tend to cycle through the same few ones.” Jake shrugged. “I’m not lookin’ to be the most flexible person or anything like that, I’d just like to be able to sit down and stand up in my sixties you know?”
“Noble goals,” Bradley said, thinking of how tight his back felt and maybe first thing in the morning wasn’t his cup of tea, but Jake probably had the right idea. “Dated this girl once, Ainsley, who was a Pilates instructor. That reformer shit? She got me to go to one of the classes once. I couldn’t walk the next day.”
Jake chuckled. “Yeah, that shits rough.”
“That it is.” Bradley hummed, slouching down more into his seat and taking another sip of the coffee, letting his head drop back as he waited to finish waking up. He wasn’t in a rush, they had nowhere to be, and it was peaceful, the right kind of silent with another person making enough noise to know you weren’t alone but still peaceful enough Bradley could feel the tension leak from his shoulders.
The first cup finished quicker than Bradley liked, and when he got up to go and grab a second one Jake was reading his book again, his cup still half full and a small frown on his face at whatever he was reading. Bradley ducked down so check the title, seeing it was the book Jake had picked up in Bodie.
“You wanna borrow it?” Jake asked, not looking up.
“Nope,” Bradley said, shooting a grin at Jake when he glanced up with a frown.
“It’s good.”
“Might be,” Bradley agreed, stepping closer and leaning down to kiss Jake quickly, his hand curling around the back of his neck. “Breakfast?”
“You makin’?” Jake asked, head tilting back to stared up at Bradley, smile still on his face and eyes bright in the morning light.
“I can,” Bradley said, squeezing Jake’s neck again before letting go and heading inside before he did something stupid like tell Jake he loved him.
“We could go for a hike?” Jake suggested, both of them stretched out on the couch, legs tangled as they tried to figure out if there was something to do other than just lay around all day as they waited for breakfast to finish digesting.
“We could,” Bradley agreed, not really wanting to get up. If Jake wanted to go for a hike, Bradley could easily be persuaded to go for a hike. “Or we could keep doing this.”
The trip hadn’t been hard, but they had been doing a lot, driving and stopping and seeing things as they wanted. Emotionally it had been a lot, and Bradley couldn’t forget waking up the morning after the argument feeling like he had been run over by a truck, sure that if he went outside Jake would be gone and he’d be left to make his way back to San Diego alone. Stepping out of the room and seeing Jake sitting on the far side of the parking lot had gone a long way to ease the tension that hadn’t fully broken until Tahoe leaving Bradley with a sense of peace younger him would never have believed was possible.
“This?” Jake asked, lifting his head and pinning Bradley with his gaze. “Being lazy?”
“Coming to the end of leave. We’ve gotten drive back to San Diego tomorrow, have the meet up tomorrow night and then spend the weekend getting ready to go back to work on Monday,” Bradley said, gripping Jake’s ankle that was resting by his thigh and squeezing. “So, why not just laze around the gorgeous house we’re renting and relax.”
“We’ve been relaxing.”
“Not like this,” Bradley replied, waving a hand between the two of them. “We’ve been pretty go the whole time.”
Granted, a good portion of why they had constantly been on the go had to do with them needing that buffer between them. They needed that to bridge the gap, and Bradley couldn’t even begin to explain how grateful he was since it had brought them to this moment.
“I like go,” Jake said, but he didn’t make any move to get up.
“Of that I am well aware,” Bradley replied, nodding toward the book Jake had been reading. “You can keep reading and I can…do something.”
“Do something?” Jake asked, smiling at him even as he grabbed the book and settled back, slouching down, neck at an angle that made Bradley’s back ache, but Jake looked comfortable.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, thinking of all the unread text messages on his phone, the voicemails and other messages through different social media apps. The photos he needed to edit and start going through, transferring some of them to his laptop, locked behind a password because only he got to see the photos of Jake from last night despite the threat to post them.
“Fine,” Jake sighed, even as he flipped open his book and looked like he was about to settle in for a good long while.
“You wanna try maybe pretending to argue?” Bradley asked, even as he grabbed his phone and opened it, knowing he needed to reply to Nat before she hunted him down and he had even more questions he wanted to ask. He had promised Jake he would give him another day or two before bringing up telling everyone, even if it was eating at Bradley to keep silent about it. He wanted to argue, to explain his point of view again but he knew he would be rehashing everything so there was reason for it aside from a need.
“Nahhh,” Jake said, smile small as he winked at Bradley. “Gotta keep the peace and all.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Bradley said, even as he also slouched, trying not to think about the last time they had sat like this, legs tangled in Napa in the tub, the awkward silence between them and how all Bradley wanted to do was break it and so he pushed.
He had yelled at Jake about pushing, but he was self-aware enough to know that he would also push when it came to shove. The main difference, at least in his mind, was he knew when to stop pushing.
Most of the time.
“We’re on vacation, baby,” Jake said, winking at Bradley as he stretched his legs out until his legs were straight, heels on Bradley’s thigh. “Maybe I wanna keep the peace.”
“Boring,” Bradley joked, wrapping a hand around Jake’s ankle and squeezing. “I like you just as you are sweetheart, warts and all.”
“That’s a lie, I don’t have a single wart.”
“I’ll make sure to check later.”
The look Bradley got in response was one that took his breath away, a slow sly smile, chin dipping down as a single eyebrow went up. He watched as Jake tilted his head to the side, teeth hooking into his bottom lip for a moment before he nodded his head once. “Gonna hold you to that promise tonight, darlin’,” Jake murmured, opening his book up and settling in to read.
Bradley watched him, throat dry before he swallowed and looked down at his phone, blinking to focus on what he was doing and not on how close Jake was. Swallowing again, he opened up his texts with and settled in to catch up, figuring it would be better to do it now. Even if focusing was turning out to be more difficult that Bradley anticipated.
Sitting still hadn’t ever come easy to Jake. As a kid he had often been told to sit quietly, right up until he was old enough to go outside by himself. After that, he spent as much time as he could out of the apartment, away from the coldness that seemed to fill every room his parents were in. It was easy enough to run around, to climb trees and sit and watch the skies and dream of parents who would hug and love him like he saw the other kids get at school. As he got older, he spent even less time there, filling his days with as much as he could just so he didn’t have to be at home, and so he had learned to keep moving. He could sit still, when he was distracted, and reading was normally one of the things that would distract him the easiest because he had been getting lost in various worlds since he had learned how to read. But it was difficult when Bradley was right there, and watching the emotions play across his face as he tapped away at his phone was almost more interesting as the book.
Jake kept looking up, watching a small smile tug at Bradley’s mouth before he huffed, or he would pause, frown and then roll his eyes, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as his fingers tapped at the screen before the whole cycle would start again. There was a part of Jake that kept trying to read, looking down at his book before casting another furtive glance toward Bradley, half afraid to get caught staring at his partner.
Bradley huffed again, shaking his head at whatever was on the screen and Jake forced himself to watch Bradley without flinching away because he could. It had been a long time since he had dated someone he actually wanted to date. He picked up people for the night, he went on a few dates when Javy or Beth would start looking at him with worry in their faces for too long, but dating? He hadn’t dated properly since Maria, and he suddenly felt like he didn’t know what to do.
He wanted to reach out, but he also wanted to keep his distance because it would be easier to keep himself apart and protect himself from the inevitable disappointment when Bradley broke it off because his trauma couldn’t let him have someone waiting for him. And yet, Jake wanted to let himself believe for once in his life that he would be special, and someone would want to choose him despite a history of people never choosing him.
Jake was the first choice in his career. Missions, promotions, team leader. He was first because he was good, and he could get the job done, and the few times he came second he knew why, and could trace it all back to a single moment. But the rest of the time? He had made himself unforgettable in his professional life because he was used to being easily replaced in his personal one.
And it made him angry. He could suddenly feel the rage rising in his chest as he lingered on it and let himself think about Maria, his parents and other people throughout his life and he was so fucking angry and hurt by them that it made him scared to let himself have something good. Which made him angry because he hated being scared more than anything else because he had made it, he had gotten to where he was by himself, he had done it alone. He had Javy, and he had Beth, Halo, Omaha and a few others in his life, but they came later. They hadn’t always been there, and once upon a time Jake had no one but himself and now he also had Bradley.
And he was angry. He was angry that Bradley, by his own admission, might not be able to hang because he hated the idea of leaving someone waiting for him, but most of all, Jake was furious that he wanted to be the exception to the rule. He wanted Bradley to fucking choose him.
“Let’s do it.”
He spoke before the thought finished forming in his mind, getting Bradley’s attention, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “Huh?” Bradley asked, head tilting to the side.
“Tell people,” Jake said, waiting for the confusion to clear away. “Not today, don’t wanna deal with them while I’m relaxin’, but tomorrow before we head into the bar. Let people know somehow.”
Because Jake hated being scared, he hated having his past dictate his future and if Bradley was gonna bitch out and leave him behind then everyone would fucking know how much of an asshole he was. Everyone would know that it wasn’t Jake who left people hanging.
Jake refused to be left behind in the dark.
Bradley stared at him, brown eyes wide before he was grinning and moving, dislodging Jake’s legs until Jake had a lap full of his partner, hands cupping his face. Lips pressed against his own before Bradley pulled back, sitting in his lap, hands still on his face and looking so happy that any irritation Jake had faded.
“Calm down,” Jake said, letting the book rest on his chest so he could reach up and wrap his hands around Bradley’s wrists, tugging his hands away from his face.
“Shuddup, I’m allowed to be happy about this,” Bradley said, settling back in Jake’s lap, letting Jake hold his wrists. “I thought I was gonna have to start another argument tomorrow about it.”
That had Jake rolling his eyes. “I would’ve given you an answer tomorrow.”
“Not the one I might have wanted though.”
Jake dropped his head back and stared up at Bradley. “Why is it so important to you?”
There was a moment where Jake expected a glib comment from Bradley but instead, he looked thoughtful, chewing on his bottom lip, eyebrows drawn together before tugging his hand out of Jake’s to grab his phone. Jake let him go, resting his hands on Bradley’s thighs instead as he watched Bradley do whatever it was he wanted with his phone. He got distracted by the flex of muscle under his palms and he was about to start sliding his hands underneath Bradley’s shorts before a phone was shoved in his face, causing him to jerk back in surprise.
“Look at this,” Bradley said as Jake leaned back, squinting and waiting for his vision to focus.
It was a photo of them at Disneyland from the beginning of the trip. Jake remembered the photo being taken, the group of women who had offered to take it for them and how easily Bradley had struck up conversation while Jake stood there, wondering why the fuck he had invited Rooster on a whim. He hadn’t seen the photo at the time; he hadn’t thought much of it but looking at it then it felt like he was looking at two different people. Bradley’s arm was around his shoulder, but even Jake could see how awkward both of them looked especially with his hands in his pockets. They were both smiling, but it was forced, too wide and too happy to be real. He could see the tension in their shoulders, how both of them were trying to look relaxed and like they were having fun instead of on a random trip they went on because there was no one else around.
“Wow,” Jake said, looking up at Bradley as he pulled the phone back and scrolled, clearly looking for a different photos.
“And this is one of the ones from the diner,” Bradley said, turning the phone around again.
The vast differences between the two photos was hard to miss. Bradley’s arm was around his shoulder again, but this time Jake was tucked under his shoulder, his arm around Bradley’s waist. Both of them were grinning with a sort of unrestrained joy Jake hadn’t expected to see. It was almost hard to look at this photo and remember the first photo, how different they looked, how much happier, more relaxed. Jake had never enjoyed having his photo taken, he dealt with it because in the age of social media everyone loved a selfie, but he liked this photo. He liked how happy he looked, and he suddenly wanted to send it to Javy and Beth to assuage any worries they might be having.
“Can you send this to me,” Jake asked, looking up at Bradley who was watching Jake with a soft look on his face.
“Yeah,” Bradley said, tapping at his phone for a moment before dropping it back onto the couch. “Sent.”
“Thanks,” Jake replied, drumming his fingers on Bradley’s thigh, waiting for him to continue. “What was important about the photos?”
“Oh, right.” Bradley planted a hand on the arm next to Jake’s head and looked down at him. “Those photos? The difference is night and day. The way we are together is night and day and I’m not ashamed of that, I don’t wanna hide that. You make me happy, and I really like you, Jake. I don’t wanna go into this trying to keep that secret because it feels like it would be a set up for failure.”
It was sweet, but Jake had played devil’s advocate for too long to stop now. “We spent a lot of time together; it could’ve happened between anyone.”
“Can you honestly say if you went on this trip with Nat, or Payback or someone it would’ve turned out the same.”
He wanted to say yes, because yes was the easy answer. But it would also be a lie. “No,” he sighed.
Because that was the rub. Bradley had always gotten under Jake’s skin like few others did, and attraction had never been an issue, at least not for Jake. A lot of people annoyed Jake, and he thought a lot of people could be better than they were, but few kept his attention like Bradley did, walking into the room, commanding friendship like it was his right, and then keeping those friends. There had been a brief moment when they had first met where it almost seemed like Jake was about to be one of those friends, but then something happened, and Jake had said something that had pissed Bradley off, and Jake never backed down.
“Do you remember when we first met?” Jake asked, fingers curling into the edge of Bradley’s shorts. “We were getting along and then we got into a fight.”
“You said some shit and I lost mine.” Bradley nodded. “I remember.”
“Do you remember what I said?” Jake asked. “I never knew what set you off.”
“And you’re shit at apologizing and don’t back down,” Bradley said, a lot fonder about those aspects of Jake’s personality than he had been. He sighed. “I wish I could remember, baby. But I don’t. Sorry.”
Jake shrugged. “It’s fine.” His legs were beginning to go numb from Bradley’s weight, but he didn’t want to move. Not yet. “I don’t fucking remember either.”
“Fuck, sweetheart. All that time for an argument neither of us remember,” Bradley said, shaking his head.
“We’re both stubborn assholes.” Jake wasn’t willing to shoulder all the blame for it even if he was aware he had a bad habit of finishing what anyone would start. Hangman would leave you hanging after all and be the only one to walk away in the end.
“That we are,” Bradley agreed, before he hummed. “Think we would’ve gotten here earlier if we hadn’t?”
It was a nice thought, a romantic one even, but Jake shook his head. “Nah. Something else would’ve set us off. I had a chip, same as you. We would’ve burned bright, and fast and it would’ve hurt us both in the long run. I don’t believe in fate, but sometimes you just gotta admit the timing has to be right.”
“Well, that’s some romantic shit right there,” Bradley said, cupping Jake’s face and leaning forward, kissing the corner of his mouth
“It wasn’t meant to be,” Jake half-heartedly tried to argue but he gave up in favor of turning his head to catch Bradley’s mouth in a proper kiss, hearing the soft sigh as Bradley leaned forward and the kiss deepened.
Jake loved kissing, especially like this as Bradley’s elbows came down on either side of him, caging him in, narrowing his world and getting rid of the outside and everything except for the slide of their mouths together, the rasp of stubble over his skin, the lingering taste of coffee in Bradley’s mouth. It was easy to get lost in it, and Jake would’ve happily gotten lost if he didn’t shift his knee and Bradley shifted his weight, and all the blood went rushing back to his legs and he grunted, jerking back from the kiss as he closed his eyes, dropped his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose as he rode out the pins and needles.
“What? What’s wrong?” Bradley asked, fingers pressing over Jake’s neck, sounding a little panicked.
“Legs went numb, now they’re angry,” Jake muttered.
There was a beat of silence before Bradley chuckled but moved away, jarring Jake’s legs and causing him to hiss.
“Sorry, sorry,” Bradley said, still chuckling.
It never took long but it always felt longer until Jake could move his legs without the pins and needles. He pushed himself so he was sitting up properly with a groan before leaning forward and grabbing his toes to pull himself into a deeper fold as he wiggled to make sure all of the blood was flowing properly.
“You good?” Bradley asked.
Jake lifted his head, taking in Bradley. He had pulled a knee up, the other on the floor, legs spread wide to make room for Jake. One arm was stretched out on the back of the couch and the other was bent, his head propped up on his fist and he looked so fucking good Jake swore he could feel all his thoughts run away as he kept staring for a long moment, finally catching the amused eyebrow and he swallowed and blurted out the first thing that ran through his mind.
“I miss the ‘stache.”
The other eyebrow joined the first before Bradley grinned, wide and cute. “Oh, really? The eighties monstrosity? The one you said should try out for an eighties slasher movie just so it could get killed? The one you said meant I needed to eat more so the hungry caterpillar could finally turn into a butterfly and fly away? The one that Freddie Mercury wanted back? Burt Reynolds? Tom Selleck? And a long list of other people that is kind of impressive now that I think about it.”
“Fuck off Yosemite Sam,” Jake said, feeling the back of his neck heat up as he sat up.
“Oh no, I can keep going. The list of insults is long and impressive,” Bradley said, pinning Jake in place with a look that made his throat go dry. “And all of them to hide the fact that you actually liked it.”
The heat didn’t leave the back of Jake’s neck, not even with the edge of delight in Bradley’s, but Jake had never taken anything laying down he didn’t want to and he shifted, moving to his knees and crawling between Bradley’s spread thighs, resting his hands on top of the muscle, thumb close enough to Bradley’s dick he swore he could feel it twitch.
“And?” Jake asked, ducking down to nose at Bradley’s cheek. “Don’t tell me the attraction was one sided this whole time.”
“Well, lying would be bad for this relationship,” Bradley said, voice raspier.
Jake grinned and kissed the corner of Bradley’s mouth, before kissing the other corner and pulling back so he could meet Bradley’s gaze. “So, you wanna keep giving me shit about it?”
He half expected a no, but Bradley had always met him tit for tat when all he got was a shrug and a grin. “Kinda honestly,” Bradley murmured, leaning forward and kissing Jake, hard and fast before he was standing up fast enough Jake almost lost his balance and went face first into the arm Bradley had been leaning against, catching himself at the last moment. “But I gotta go shave.”
“What?” Jake asked, brain catching up as he settled back on his heels and turned to look as Bradley walked toward the bedroom.
He paused at the door, shooting a glance over his shoulder and a wink. “You wanted the ‘stache, didn’t you baby?”
“I could’ve waited,” Jake said even as he moved to stand up, making to follow Bradley.
“Nah, needs to reappear anyway, might as well fix it right now.”
“Need any help?” Jake said as he shook his legs out to make sure the last of the pins and needles were gone.
Bradley stopped in the doorway and turned, grinning at Jake as he rested his hands on the top of the doorframe, his shirt riding up to slow a flash of stomach Jake wanted to get his mouth on. “Baby, if you were in there with me I’m pretty sure my face would be half-cuts because I would keep getting distracted so no.”
With that, he turned and ducked into the bedroom leaving Jake chuckling as he headed for the kitchen, figuring he could get started on lunch.
Arms wrapped around his waist and Jake stilled in the middle of eating the sandwich he had made to turn, part of him expecting Bradley to have been full of shit and for the five o’clock shadow to still be there but it was gone, Bradley’s face clean shaved and the mustache back on his face.
“Good, no more beard burn,” Jake said, unable to help it even as he reached up and cupped Bradley’s cheek, feeling the soft skin under his palm.
“Oh, your true goal has come out into the open?” Bradley asked, chuckling as he kissed Jake quickly and stepped away, moving to make himself a sandwich. “All that shit about liking the ‘stache more?”
“It’s better for my skin,” Jake said, turning to follow Bradley’s motions as he took him in.
He had clearly also showered, his hair into a semblance of order, combed the way Jake was used to seeing where it almost hid how long it was but for all Bradshaw pushed grooming regs, it still needed to be shorter. With the hair, and the clean-shaven cheeks, he looked more like the fellow pilot Jake had known for a long time, but he still looked different than Jake remembered him. The Bradley Jake had known for a long time had been angry, having a chip on his shoulder that wasn’t gone, Jake doubted it would ever go away completely. That sort of hurt never did no matter how good things got. But it wasn’t the same because Bradley was softer. He had lost the stress line in his face, the black bags under his eyes they had all had in the week following the mission and he was tanner. He wasn’t carrying the weight of his history on his shoulders anymore.
But it was still so clearly Rooster. The jean shorts, the white shirt with the Disney Hawaiian shirt Jake had gotten him. All of it was so quintessentially Bradley that Jake suddenly felt like he had been shoved back in time to before trip. But that wasn’t right, because when Jake looked at Bradley all he could see was him singing along with every song on the radio, taking photos of everything, finding gift shops to show Jake, buying books and keychains, dinners and the way Bradley would sprawl on any bed they shared, making it seem a little bit smaller in the best way.
“What?” Bradley asked, glancing up at him, licking mayo off his thumb before he slapped the second slice of bread on the sandwich and took a bite.
“You know why I curl up in a ball when I sleep?” Jake asked, dropping his sandwich on the plate so he could brace his elbows on the counter.
Bradley paused mid chew, frowning at Jake before he swallowed. “I’m gonna assume it might be something incredibly depressing from your childhood?”
“Yeah, of a sort,” Jake said, shrugging. “I had my own room, well, it wasn’t actually a room it was supposed to be the laundry but they couldn’t afford a washer or dryer so they turned it into a room for me. It was small, barely enough for the bed and a desk, but it had a window and a door I could close, and it was mine. And it was clean. I had food, showers, clothes as I needed it and all of that. I know its fucked me up, but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.”
“So, you’ve said, doesn’t mean it was good,” Bradley said, shrugging. “It’s pretty bad when I can look at my life and both of my parents literally dying and know I had a better childhood than you.”
Jake grimaced. “No, the room I was in, it fit a bed, yeah. But only in one spot against the long wall. My parents didn’t fight. Hell, they would need to talk to start an argument. But the next-door neighbors did, and they were fucking loud. They both got done in for domestic violence more than once, but they kept coming back to each other, and their living room was the shared wall with my room and I could hear them all the time. But if I slept on the floor then I couldn’t hear them as loudly. So, I’d drag everything down and sleep on the floor but there wasn’t a lot of space, so I’d sleep curled in a ball and after a long time of doing that, its become habit for me. It’s comfortable.”
Bradley didn’t even try and hide the frown as he set the sandwich down and braced his hands on the bench, mirroring Jake. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because three weeks ago I wouldn’t have,” Jake stated. “Javy knows, maybe Beth if he mentioned it but I doubt it. The therapist they made me see after Carl. Maria. That’s it. I don’t exactly go around telling people all my childhood shit. I let them believe whatever they want about me because it’s not worth it otherwise.”
He paused and shrugged, still staring at Bradley, at Rooster. “I know the stache thing was mostly for fun, a joke, but you look like I’m used to you looking but the way I feel is different.”
“So, you wanted to tell me some childhood trauma a way to prove to yourself that you’d changed how you feel about me?”
It was blunt, but Bradley was right. “Yes.”
It was different not to fidget under Bradley’s gaze, the intensity of it all. The way his brows dropped, his mouth was pressed into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed as he clearly tried to figure it all out. If pressed, Jake wouldn’t be able to track the thought process that had him spilling that particular story, but he had, and he wasn’t gonna back down from it. They were different people, the mission, this trip. It had changed who they were to each other. It felt like it had been a long time but it had only been a few weeks, but it had just been them in their own bubble.
Rooster was as much a part of Bradley as he was Hangman. They weren’t separate people, but Jake knew Bradley better now. He could see all the parts of Rooster that annoyed him in Bradley as well, but he knew Bradley now. And the annoying parts weren’t as bad as they had been. Some of them he even liked now.
Finally, Bradley moved, sliding closer and wrapping a hand around the back of Jake’s neck and leaning in to knock their foreheads together. “Thank you for telling me and if I ever see your parents, I’m gonna have some choice words with them as a heads up,” Bradley said, before he let go of Jake’s neck in favor of grabbing his sandwich and wandering to the fridge.
Jake watched him, nodding at the silent question as Bradley held up a beer. “You’re gonna have to get in line behind Javy.”
“We can tag team,” Bradley said, shrugging. “Gimme like six months to make sure we’re all solid and then I feel like Coyote and I are gonna have a good bitching session about it.”
“Well now that’s just unfair,” Jake said, taking the beer as it was handed to him.
“Why?”
“Because there’s no fucking way in hell Phoenix and I will ever reach bitching session friendship.”
Bradley waved his bottle between him. “Stranger things have happened.”
All Jake could do to that was tip the bottle at Bradley, conceding the point.
“When we get back I wanna take you out to dinner.”
They were stretched on the ground outside, enjoying the heat lingering in the stones as they stared up at the night sky, taking in the stretch of the milky way they could see almost as well as they did when they were on the carriers out in the middle of the ocean. Bradley was the sort of tired that came from doing nothing all day except for relaxing and eating and he didn’t regret it. They had spent most of the afternoon alternating between lazing around on the couch, or outside in the warm sun. Jake had proposed a hike once or twice, but Bradley had started pretending not to hear him. He wasn’t in the mood to move or do anything other than do exactly what they had been doing.
And if he was being honest, Jake wasn’t arguing that hard either, a book always within arm’s reach. Even now, the book he had been reading since he had finished the one he had picked up in Bodie, was only a foot away from them, open and facedown, forgotten when it got too dark to read.
Bradley was full from dinner, steaks they managed to cook on the grill that had taken them longer than either of them were willing to admit to getting started, despite the dual engineering degrees between them. It was the sort of day movies were made about and Bradley never wanted it to end, he never wanted this trip to end.
“Hmm?” Jake asked, turning his head to meet Bradley’s gaze, raising an eyebrow in question.
“When we get back. Next week, Friday night. You and me, a date.”
“Assuming we’re in the same city next week,” Jake pointed out.
There was that. For all Bradley knew mid-week he would be shipped back to the East Coast or to Japan again and Jake would be in Lemoore, or one of them would be on a carrier in the middle of the ocean. He didn’t know why they were coming back, and all he could do was shake his head.
“I got a feeling.”
The sort of feeling that came from knowing how the Navy operated, and this was so outside of the norm that all Jake did was sigh and shrug.
“Being realistic we still might not be in the same city,” he said instead.
“I’m being optimistic,” Bradley tried, rolling up onto his elbow to look down at Jake, wishing the sun was still up so he could see the freckles on his nose and cheek better. “I want to take you on a date. We’re gonna be in different places more after tomorrow night. No more sleeping in the same room, spending all our time together so we’re gonna have to make the time and I wanna. So date, yes?”
It was hard to make out Jake’s exact expression, but Bradley figured it looked something close to pleased. “Kinda figured you’d make a fuss and follow me all the way home.”
That wasn’t the most inaccurate assumption someone could make but Bradley shook his head. “Nah. Temping, but no. I do kinda miss my own bed. And my own house, and different clothes.”
“Different clothes?” Jake sounded amused, like he wasn’t quite sure Bradley was telling the truth.
“Yeah, like. I like these, but I want different ones, you know? A different shirt?”
“They’re clean,” Jake said, chin dipping to look down at his shirt and then back up at Bradley.
“I know that. But you know, like. A shirt you miss? Or something?”
Watching the smile spread across Jake’s face would never get old, even though Bradley had the sudden feeling that he was about to be teased.
“Not really.” Jake pushed up onto his elbows, bringing their faces closer together. “One of the perks of the Navy is that I don’t have to think about what I wanna wear most of the time. And when I do, jeans and a t-shirt work just fine for me half the time.”
“Or a sweater because you have the temperature regulation of a snake,” Bradley teased, knowing Jake tended to run cold. It was cute, watching him wrap his arms around himself, tug the sleeves of his sweaters down over his hands. It made Bradley want to wrap him up into a hug and hold him close.
“Point stands,” Jake continued, glaring at Bradley but he didn’t deny it which just made Bradley grin even wider. “I’m good with the clothes I have. I got what I needed at Target and I’m fine with that.”
“Okay, well then, I would like something different,” Bradley said, dropping back down to lay on the ground, hearing Jake’s chuckle as he laid down as well. Bradley turned his head and took in Jake’s profile. “What if I took you some place nice for dinner? You said you like nice restaurants, right?”
“I do. And I have nice clothes, I just don’t do anything interesting in the day to day. This is fine,” Jake said, waving a hand at his white t-shirt and jeans that could double at his uniform.
“Well, you look good.”
“I know.”
“And so modest.”
Jake shrugged one of his shoulders, grinning up at the skies. “It ain’t ego if it’s true.”
“Pretty sure that is exactly what ego is.”
Jake hummed. “Dinner, Friday?”
“Yeah I’ll pick you up.”
“Of course you will. I don’t have a fuckin’ car, baby.”
Bradley blinked at him before he chuckled, shaking his head. “Fuck, I forgot about that.” Jake hummed as Bradley moved to hover over Jake, staring down at him. “You gonna get another rental?”
“Why would I do that when I’ve got a boyfriend with a truck?” Jake asked, reaching up to fist Bradley’s shirt and drag him closer.
Bradley let himself get pulled for a moment before he stopped and looked down at Jake who tugged at his shirt a little harder, chin jutting up, intent clear. But Bradley had heard right, and he grinned. “Your boyfriend, huh?”
It took a moment for Jake to understand what he had said before he rolled his eyes. “You can argue about the slip of the tongue or slip me some tongue right now, make a choice, darlin’.”
It was an easy choice to make.
Jake settled back on his knees and stared out across the landscape, taking in the sun that was high enough that the porch overhang blocked it, but low enough the heat hadn’t started to build up. It painted the ground in gilded golds especially against the clear blue skies, the Joshua trees dotting the landscape stark in comparison. It was peaceful, nothing but a soft breeze to rattle the wind chime slowly to distract him.
A loud snore filled the air and Jake snorted in amusement as he looked down at Bradley who had fallen asleep mid-yoga work out, head pillowed on his arms and body half curled up, his hair a mess and his shirt still half ridden up from where he had been grunting and swearing his way through downward dog, so inflexible Jake actually felt bad for his joints. Jake let himself watch for another second as another snore rattled the mid-morning air and he rolled his eyes again.
He shifted, moving carefully until he was kneeling over Bradley before he dropped to his elbows, bracketing the man, praying Bradley wasn’t the kind of man who woke up violently when surprised. The last thing he needed was a black eye before they were due back at base.
“Bradshaw,” he whispered, shifting one hand to curl through Bradley’s hair and tug gently, trying to wake him up gently.
Bradley snored in response, the noise even louder, and this close Jake could also hear the faint whistle on the exhale. Jake fought back laughter as he tugged at Bradley’s hair again.
“Bradley,” he said, a little louder this time, watching as Bradley’s face scrunched up in confusion, clearly fighting against being woken up.
Normally, Jake would leave him alone. But they were due to leave in a few hours and Jake wanted to spend a little more time before he had to share Bradley with the world. The idea terrified him if he was being honest with himself. They were fine when it was just the two of them, hard fought and won over the past weeks, but they were about to go back to the real world, away from the fairy tale bubble they had put themselves in and he didn’t know what was going to happen. He believed that Bradley believed he wasn’t going to cut and run, but Jake wouldn’t truly believe it until they had made it pass that hump.
Especially since they didn’t know what was about to happen, all Jake knew was that whatever was going on behind the scenes was odd enough that he could feel a tension headache forming if he thought about it and most of the time thinking about what might be happening made him want to spiral. Groaning softly, he dropped his forehead to rest against Bradley’s collarbone, taking a moment to center himself and drag his thoughts away from the spiral before he said Bradley’s name louder, tugged his hair harder and it was enough for Bradley to groan, beginning to shift. Jake moved up, pulling his head back to give Bradley the room to move, his arms stretching out overhead as he arched his back hard enough Jake heard the crack.
“Time ‘sit?” Bradley slurred, words blending together as he collapsed back onto the mat, one arm throwing over his eyes as if to block out the sun.
“About thirty minutes past you passing out mid-workout,” Jake said, sitting back onto his heels half in Bradley’s lap and waited for the words to hit.
It was fascinating to watch the play as Bradley stilled, frozen like a deer in headlights before he shifted his arm, squinting blearily up at Jake, the wheels clearly spinning in his mind. “The fuck I did?”
Jake raised an eyebrow and waved a hand around them instead of replying. Bradley’s eyes darted around, frowning before it clearly a moment later, both hands pressed against his face as he groaned. “How in the fuck?” he asked, muffled by his hands and sounding confused.
Jake lost the battle with laughter, shaking his head as Bradley joined, huffing little noises clearly torn between disbelief and surprise. “Between one second and the next, it was kind of impressive, Rooster.”
“Goddamn,” Bradley muttered, scrubbing his hands against his face again hard enough that his skin was red when he pulled them away to squint up at Jake. “Sorry.”
“S’all good.” Jake shrugged, unbothered. “You’re not a morning person, it’s not like I expect you to get up and work out with me.”
Hands dropped to his thighs and squeezed, thumbs rubbing over the sides of his knees in an absent motion that was more distracting than Jake thought warranted.
“I know,” Bradley said, mirroring Jake’s shrug. “But, you have some good points about making sure to get up and moving more, and I also would like to be able to stand and walk in my sixties and hell, even my eighties so I gotta start now.”
“Do it before bed.”
“I’ll figure it out,” Bradley said, yawning and shaking his head as his hands tightened on Jake’s knees for a second, before they relaxed. “’sides, I figure if I get up and do yoga with you, I can convince you to stay in bed some mornings so I don’t want up abandoned and alone, left alone to freeze to death.”
“I’m the last person you want to cuddle with for warmth you drama queen,” Jake pointed out, knowing he ran cold. “And besides, we’re not living together so if I do stay over, I can be convinced to not get out of bed.”
“I’m holding you to that then.” Bradley sighed. “But since someone doesn’t have a car, I have a feeling I’ll be staying more at yours, won’t I?”
“Well, not to brag but I’ve got a four-point nine Uber rating so I think I can make it home okay if needed,” Jake said, shrugging.
“How the fuck do you manage that? I swear they’re out to get me.”
“I tip well,” Jake explained. “Spent a lot of my teenage years and time off during the Academy working whatever jobs I could get, and it usually involved tips for cash and people are assholes. So, I tip well now that I can afford it.”
Bradley’s lips pursed before he sighed. “Fair,” he said with a sigh, shaking his head as he slid his hands up higher, tucking his fingers underneath the hem of Jake’s shorts. “We’ll figure it out. It’s still new.”
“Feels like we’re doing everything in the wrong order,” Jake said, resting his hands on top of Bradley’s and squeezing, but not stopping the slow inching slide up Bradley was doing.
“We did, most definitely.” Bradley grinned up at him. “Well, hey. Think about it this way. At least we got the messy divorce out of the way first?”
For a moment, Jake wanted to be offended before he blew out a breath and leaned forward, planting his hands on either side of Bradley’s head and looking down at him. “Maybe. Does this mean we don’t get to have make up sex at some point.”
Bradley’s grin was bright and wide. “Baby, we’re absolutely gonna fight about something so don’t worry. We’ll get there.”
“Well, at least we’re keeping our standards realistic,” Jake said, knowing he couldn’t deny it.
Before Bradley could say something else, Jake leaned down and kissed Bradley, feeling the fingers curl on his thighs as Bradley kissed back almost immediately. It was an easy kiss to slip into, two people saying hello in the morning and Jake shifted to one arm so he could cup the side of Bradley’s neck, thumb rubbing over his mostly clean-shaven jaw, feeling the rasp of a day old stubble and it made his pulse begin to thrum. He pulled back from the kiss, ignoring the disappointed noise in favor of getting his mouth on the side of Bradley’s neck, nipping at the tendon before scraping his teeth over his Adam’s apple, feeling it bob as Jake shifted down, fingers curling into the hem of Bradley’s shirt and pushing it up.
“Fuck, sweetheart, what’s the plan here?” Bradley asked, chest heaving under Jake’s hands as he kept moving down, biting down over whatever swell of muscle he found.
“Wanted to blow you since Napa, gonna rectify that before we have to pack up,” Jake replied, looking up in time to see Bradley drop his head back with a groan, a hand coming down to curl through Jake’s hair. He grinned, licking up the line of Bradley’s abs, shifting to get off Bradley’s legs and instead settle between them, thankful for the mat under his knees as he curled his fingers around the edges of Bradley’s shorts and started to tug them down.
“C’mon,” Jake said, leaning down and kissing over the skin he was slowly revealing. “Lift up.”
“You’re gonna kill me aren’t you?” Bradley asked, even as he pushed his hips up, letting Jake tug his shorts down far enough he could wrap a hand around Bradley’s semi-hard cock and stroke, even as he bit down on the soft skin underneath Bradley’s belly button, hearing a grunt but there was no admonishment so Jake did it again, glancing up to see Bradley’s jaw push up, chest arching.
“Maybe,” Jake replied, picking up the thread of conversation before settling and sucking the head of Bradley’s cock into his mouth and began to suck at the head, his hand working the rest of it, feeling it grow harder in his mouth.
If they were anywhere less isolated, Jake would be a little worried about someone hearing Bradley’s breathy little grunts and whimpers as Jake began to bob his head, taking more and more of Bradley’s cock into his mouth, his eyes half closed as he lost himself to the motions, to the thrum of arousal he felt every time he did this, his mouth full and his jaw already aching from keeping it wide. He could feel the flared head bump against the back of his throat, and he swallowed, pulling off and licking over the head, glancing up to see Bradley’s heaving chest, his free hand curled into a fist and it made Jake grin, shifting down to suck at Bradley’s balls briefly, enjoying the shout that faded into a long groan he could feel.
“Good?” Jake asked, shifting to lick up the length and suck the head back into his mouth, tasting pre-come as the hand in his hair tightened. He half expected Bradley to shove his hips up, pushing more of his cock into Jake’s throat and he relaxed, prepared for it only for Bradley to relax back with a groan, his hand relaxing, which was disappointing, but also sweet.
“Yeah, baby, it’s good,” Bradley said, voice breathless and low, and it made Jake’s mouth water as he began to bob his head faster, sucking on the way up, listening and paying attention as he felt the legs on either side of him begin to shift, reminding Jake that he was surrounded.
He let go of Bradley’s cock, dropping his mouth down and swallowing around as much of it as he could as he slid his hands up, feeling the shift of muscle under his palms, his eyes closing and not bothering to hide the happy noises he was making as he kept blowing Bradley.
“Fucking, Christ,” Bradley gasped, hips jerking up as his hand clamped down, keeping Jake in place long enough he could feel Bradley press into his throat only for his hand to drop away and his hips drop back after a split second. “Fuck, sorry.”
Jake rolled his eyes and pulled off, panting a moment to catch his breath. “S’fine, baby,” he said, looking up until Bradley pushed up onto his elbows and Jake let himself grin when their eyes met. “Kinda like it.”
There was something satisfying about watching Bradley’s mouth fall open as Jake took his cock back into his mouth and sunk down, keeping his gaze locked with Bradley right up until Bradley dropped back, a hand sinking back into Jake’s hair to keep him steady as he rolled his hips up, carefully as if he was afraid to do something too hard. Jake let out a pleased groan that Bradley echoed, his eyes sliding shut as Bradley finally took the hints and started rocking into his mouth, thrusting just deep enough into the back of his throat that Jake could feel his own cock throb at the promise for more.
“Baby, baby,” Bradley babbled, beginning to squirm as his hips started speeding up. “Close, fuck, Jake. I’m close, shit.”
Jake groaned, pulling off and wrapping his hand around Bradley’s cock, beginning to stroke, pressing his thumb against the flared head even as he mouthed at the base of his cock. “Wanna come on my face?”
“Jesus, fuck,” Bradley shouted, a knee jerking up as his fingers gripped Jake’s hair tight enough it hurt and he hissed, moving up into the grip until Bradley let go and Jake could settle back down. “Fuck, you can’t just say shit like that.”
Jake chuckled, looking up at Bradley who pushed himself back up onto his elbows, cheeks and stomach flushed, sweat rolling down the side of his head and eyes so dark it made Jake shiver as he kept the gaze and rubbed his cheek over the head of Bradley’s cock before letting himself grin. “Well, do you?”
It was gratifying to see how quickly Bradley nodded, chest heaving with each breath as Jake kept his eyes locked with Bradley’s, his hand beginning to speed up, jerking him off hard and fast, not bothering to hide his self-satisfied smirk as Bradley dropped back with a grunt, both hands coming up to press against his face as his hips started rocking, clearly getting close.
“C’mon, darlin,” Jake murmured, closing his eyes and shifting up, licking over the head on his next stroke up, his own cock throbbing in his shorts. “Come on me, baby.”
That was all it took as Bradley cried out, his hips jerking up as he started to come and Jake grinned as he felt the first splash of come hit his face, his hand still moving as Bradley moaned his way through his orgasm. He kept jerking Bradley off until he started to make noises that didn’t sound as happy and Jake let go to sit back on his heels, feeling the come slide down his cheeks and wiped at his face enough that he could open his eyes, taking in Bradley. His shirt was pushed up around his ribs, his shorts mid-thigh and his cock was softening against his stomach as he panted, both hands pressed against his face.
“You good?” Jake chuckled as he danced his fingers up Bradley’s sides before sliding his palms back down.
“No,” Bradley said, voice muffled by his palms before he dropped them, and he groaned when he met Jake’s gaze. “Fuck, baby.”
A hand was hooked around the back of his neck and Jake was yanked in, Bradley surging up to kiss him, tongue pushing into his mouth, fucking his mouth as the fingers dug into his skin, holding him steady as Bradley kissed him like it was the last thing he wanted to ever do.
“What do you want?” Bradley gasped, pulling back from the kiss only to lick over Jake’s face, making him groan.
“I want us to go back in time to get fucking lube yesterday so I can ride you but a hand works just as well,” Jake replied, turning his head to kiss Bradley again, sucking on the tongue Bradley pushed into his mouth, tasting the come Bradley had just licked off his cheek.
Hands were moving over his body, and he half expected Bradley to shove a hand into his shorts and start jerking him off but then his world tilted and Bradley was moving him until he was laying on his stomach, Bradley straddling him, the added weight making him moan loud and uncaring of how far it might echo.
“I’ve got you,” Bradley said, kissing the back of his neck before Jake’s shorts were yanked down until the band snapped under his ass.
It took a moment for Jake’s addled mine to click to what was going to happen just as large hands grabbed his cheeks and spread him wide, a tongue pressed over his hole a second later. He let out a shout, pressing his forehead against the ground as he shoved his hips back, unable to stop the whimpers that followed as Bradley started eating him out like a dying man, tongue pressing into him in short jabs that felt so fucking good. His hands scrabbled for purchase, trying to move, get more, feeling fingers dig into his cheeks, holding him wide, the rasp of the mustache over his sensitive skin making him shiver.
“C’mon,” Jake gasped, not sure what he was asking for but it seemed like Bradley did as a finger pushed into him, spit helping ease the way, his hole loose enough from Bradley’s tongue it felt good, the stretch barely there until Bradley’s tongue pushed in as well as a second finger, stretching him with that edge of pain that always worked for Jake. He swallowed, still tasting Bradley, the back of his throat sore enough it was a reminder and it was enough, sending Jake hurtling over the edge, orgasm hitting him like a freight train as he groaned, shoving his hips back to try and get more as he came. When it was over, he collapsed with a groan, feeling Bradley kiss his cheek before he shifted, pulling his fingers out, palm resting on Jake’s ass.
It was silent except for their breathing before Jake felt a kiss on his lower back before a Bradley blanketed him, kissing the back of his neck, holding himself from laying on top of Jake which really wouldn’t do. “I can take your weight,” Jake said, turning his head so he could see Bradley from the corner of his eye.
“Can you?” Bradley asked, teasing even as he rested more weight on Jake, pinning him to the ground and like every time this happened, Jake felt his body relax under the pressure, letting out a satisfied noise.
They laid like for a moment as they caught their breath before Bradley slid to the side, an arm and a leg still resting over Jake’s body, which was good enough but Jake wished Bradley was still laying on top of him.
“I think the mat is ruined,” Jake said, breaking the silence, a little afraid to shift and see the mess he had left behind.
“Probably,” Bradley agreed before he leaned in and nosed Jake’s cheek. “Don’t tell me you don’t have a better one at home?”
Jake did. An expensive mat that had done him well for a long time, but it wasn’t the mat that bothered him. It was that Bradley had bought it for him, back before they were friends, back before any of this. He had seen Jake, had seen him make do with the towels and the floor and had chosen to get him a mat he didn’t have to.
“I do,” Jake said, shrugging before he sighed and pushed himself to sitting, hiking his shorts up from around his thighs and grimaced at the mess on the mat.
Bradley glanced at it before he chuckled and rolled to his back, stretching before he moved to stand, stretching again with arms reaching toward the sky before he dropped them and shook them out before turning to face Jake. “Come on. If we wipe it down and let it dry while we shower it might be fine,” he said, holding out a hand.
Jake took it, letting himself be pulled up, unsurprised when Bradley tugged him closer, an arm around his waist, fingers reaching up to trace over his cheek.
“You got a lil’ somethin’,” Bradley said, before sucking his fingers into his mouth with a grin.
“Hmm, wonder why,” Jake said, tugging Bradley’s hand out of his mouth so he could lick over his fingers instead.
“You like it,” Bradley replied, pushing his fingers into Jake’s mouth, eyes dark as pressed down on Jake’s tongue, letting out a soft groan when Jake let his mouth drop open. “I’m kinda surprised.”
Bradley wasn’t the first one to be surprised and Jake just shrugged, pulling his head back until Bradley’s got the hint and pulled his fingers away. “What? You think I went for big and mean and oh so bad for me when I got dumped because I wanted to fuck someone?”
“Fair.” Bradley hummed, thumb rubbing over Jake’s jaw. “I’m not big or mean.”
“And I’m not fresh off a breakup. Look, I like getting fucked, I like using my mouth, but I also like fucking and love a blow job as much as the next guy. I have preferences, of course. I’m sure you do as well, we’ll figure it out.” Jake stepped back, away from the circle of Bradley’s arms and stooped to grab the mat, hoping that wiping it down would save it. He headed back inside, glancing over his shoulder as Bradley watched him go, winking at his boyfriend. “’sides, you can definitely be a lil’ mean when you wanna be.”
Bradley’s laughter followed him inside.
“When the fuck did we buy so much shit?” Bradley demanded as Jake closed the front door behind him and entered the code, double checking the check-out instructions one more time to make sure they caught everything.
“Probably somewhere between San Diego and here,” Jake replied, turning and pausing, blinking a few times as he took in Bradley.
He was wearing the shirt Jake had gotten him in Madonna Inn, and he knew it had been bright, but standing under the Mojave sun it seemed even brighter. “Fuck, I ain’t gonna lose you anytime soon, am I?” he asked, shaking his head as he jogged down the steps, joining Bradley and staring at the back of the trunk that looked a little more organized than it had been but it was still full of shit.
“You bought it for me,” Bradley said, grabbing the duffle in Jake’s hand before he could toss it into the back. “I’m trying to split our shit, so we don’t have to worry about it later.”
“I was fucking with you when I did,” Jake said, letting Bradley take the duffle and set it on top of his on the ground between them. He planted his hands on his hips and sighed, reaching forward and beginning to grab the books he had gotten, feeling his cheeks flush a little bit when he realized exactly how many he had gotten. As well as various souvenirs he had picked up along the way, not just for himself, but presents for other people as well.
“Well, fucking with me or not you still got it for me, and I actually like it,” Bradley said, beginning to grab various bags that had ended up scattered around the back of the trunk, a few bags of chips that were unopened, a half drunk bottle of water and a pair of socks Jake was sure were his.
“Lemme have one of these,” he said, grabbing one of the bags and dumping his books inside, wondering if he should leave the books he had finished in the house, ready for whatever next traveler would come along. As soon as the thought struck him, he pushed it away, not ready to part with them quite yet.
“I’m a little afraid to look at my bank account after this,” Bradley said as the two of them started to work, splitting up everything they had gotten until they were in two distinct piles, their life over the past few weeks suddenly split up as if it had never happened and it was nothing more than a dream.
“Thank god for hazard pay for the last mission,” Jake replied, grabbing his duffle and tossing it in, the bag filling the open space, but it did nothing to get rid of the pit of worry suddenly opening up in Jake’s chest.
“Hazard and injury pay for me,” Bradley replied, his duffle landing next to Jake’s before he sighed, bracing his hands on the trunk and dropping his head between his hands.
Jake’s fingers itched to reach out and rest on Bradley’s shoulder and he forced himself to do it, curling a hand around the joint and tugging until Bradley stood and turned, instead perching on the edge of the trunk. Jake stepped forward, making space for himself in Bradley’s orbit in a way he rarely did before because despite the blip of almost friendship in the beginning way back when, they didn’t spend time together. It had been better for everyone when they were kept separate, the mission had been proof of that.
“What’s up?” he prompted when it looked like Bradley wasn’t gonna say anything.
Hands reached up, and fingers hooked into the waist of his jeans as Bradley tugged Jake closer and he went, grimacing when his shin hit the tow bar, but he didn’t say anything, giving Bradley the silence he needed to gather his thoughts.
“Kinda doesn’t feel real,” Bradley said finally, head tilted back to stare up at Jake. He opened his mouth as if to say something else before he closed it and shrugged.
“I know,” Jake said, because he did know what Bradley meant.
“And people are gonna know.”
“That was the plan.” Jake fought to keep his voice neutral. “We gonna go through with the plan?”
The speed to which Bradley nodded was gratifying, and it made Jake settle. “So, what’s the problem.”
“Don’t wanna share you,” Bradley said, arms moving to wrap around Jake’s waist and pull him even closer, chin resting on his lower stomach to stare up at Jake.
Jake curled his hands through Bradley’s hair, staring down at him, wondering about the string of broken hearts Bradley had left behind because if this was how Bradley acted anytime he got into a relationship with someone Jake was sure the list would be long and angry. There was something so open and caring about how Bradley acted, and how easy it seemed for him when Jake had to fight against spiraling constantly with every action and reaction. It was easy to imagine the anger and irritation at Bradley not holding onto anyone out of fear of turning them into his Mom especially after he acted like this.
Jake hoped he wasn’t going to be on that list. But all he could do was wait and see.
“I get that,” Jake said, because he did get it. It was good. “But, flying.”
Bradley sighed, before he nodded. “Flying,” he agreed with a single word, shaking his head. “Gonna go easy on me up in the skies now, baby?”
“Ain’t gonna yell at you to get your shit together but if you think that means I’m gonna go easy on you, or anyone, I’m gonna disabuse you of that notion right quick.”
Bradley laughed, bright and loud, shaking his head as he stood, pressing a kiss to Jake’s cheek. “Wouldn’t have it any other way honestly.”
“Good.”
Bradley moved to push past him and Jake reached out, snagging his wrist before he could get too far, waiting until Bradley looked at him. “You good, Bradshaw?”
“I’m good, Seresin,” Bradley said, twisting his wrist so he could squeeze Jake’s hand. “C’mon, we need to get on the road.”
With that, Bradley tugged his hand out of Jake’s and headed to get in the car. Jake stood there, staring at the space Bradley had been before he shut the trunk and headed to the passenger side, getting in and watching as Bradley turned the car on, grabbing his phone and beginning to search for whatever playlist he wanted to listen to. It was so fucking normal to Jake now, the few moments where the car idled and Bradley hemmed and hawed over one of his dozens of playlists before finally settling on one, music filling the car as he bobbed his head and began to buckle up.
He was pulling out his phone before he made the conscious thought to do it, seeing the few texts from the Dagger group chat, as well as one or two others he had been ignoring from various people he knew, his eyes catching the one from Bradley with the photo he had asked for. He clicked on it, seeing their bright smiles and he saved it before he moved to Javy and Beth’s chat.
[DinoManYote Chat]
Me: Heads up, I started seeing someone.
Javy: when the FUCK did you meet someone?
Beth: ARE THEY CUTE? WHATS THEIR NAME? HOW DID YOU MEET?
Beth: ARE THEY GOOD TO YOU?
Javy: yeah all the above
Me: I’ll tell you tonight.
“I know how to get back from here,” Bradley said as the car started moving, the song that was playing was upbeat, the sort of perky Jake usually only heard whenever Beth managed to drag him and Javy to a spin class on the weekends.
“Figured. Nah, I’m texting Javy and Beth, letting them know I’m seeing someone. I don’t mind fucking with the rest of the Daggers, but I figured I should give them a lil’ heads up,” Jake explained.
“Really?” Bradley asked, sounding surprised.
“Well, yeah. S’not like you’re hiding the fact that you’re dating someone. Announcing it to the world on Instagram.”
For some reason, that got Bradley to grin, wide and bright as he stopped the car at the end of the drive and looked over at Jake.
“What?”
Bradley’s grin widened. “You been looking at my instagram, baby?”
Jake met his gaze and shrugged, unashamed. “Wanted to see some of the shit you took photos of.”
“You stalkin’ me? Should I start checking my likes and see how far back you’ve looked?” Bradley teased, leaning over the center consol to get closer to Jake.
“I had your tongue up my ass two hours ago, I don’t think it’s stalking when we’re dating,” Jake replied, pushing at Bradley’s face until he chuckled and leaned back. “And I didn’t like anything.” The yet was silent, but Jake didn’t mind waiting until the last moment before announcing to the world that they were more than coworkers at this point because he was not looking forward to dealing with that.
“Point. Well?”
“Well, what?”
“What did you think?”
“You’re good at photography, Bradshaw. I already told you that.”
“Just double checking you still think it’s the best considering I’m not allowed to post your frankly unfairly perfect ass on my stories,” Bradley said, pulling onto the highway.
Jake chose not to reply to that comment, knowing Bradley was only saying it to rile him up. After a second of silence, Bradley reached over the middle toward Jake, waggling his fingers after a second when Jake didn’t move. Sighing, mostly because it was expected of him, Jake took Bradley’s hand and threaded their fingers together, and stared out the window as they started the drive back toward San Deigo, rubbing his thumb over the back of Bradley’s hand and trying not to think about the end of the trip.
Jake stared at the sign welcoming them back to San Diego as it passed, feeling a sense of nervousness settle underneath his skin, making him antsy all of a sudden. Bradley was going to drop him off at his place, the two of them splitting up for good for the first time in almost three weeks, and then they would see each other again at the Hard Deck that evening. Jake had already gotten Javy to agree to pick him up, wanting to tell him and Beth in person before everyone else found out. But something still felt unfinished, like there was something Jake could say that would make everything feel right.
“Can I tell you something and you not judge me?”
Turning his head away from the familiar city sights, Jake took in Bradley who had both hands on the steering wheel, gripping it with white knuckles as he drove, the muscle in his jaw twitching. “Not to get pedantic here but usually when someone says that they deserve the judgement.”
That at least got the muscle in Bradley’s jaw to relax as he huffed out a breath of amusement. “Fair,” he conceded before shaking his head. “But still.”
“I’ll try.”
For some reason that made Bradley smile. “I don’t want to drop you off. I know I have to because we’ve both gotta deal with some shit before tonight, and really we should maybe try and start doing this in a better order and stuff, but I don’t want this to end, you know? Which is insane to think about because who would’ve thunk?”
The spoken echo to Jake’s thoughts made him freeze for a second, watching as the worry cross Bradley’s face before Jake sighed. “Yeah, darlin’. I get it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep.”
“Oh.”
Jake licked his bottom lip. “We gotta though, you know that, right?”
“I know. And I do know, I promise, I’m not about to drive to my place or anything like that but I still, I dunno. This has been good. It’s been fun all things considered and I just…fuck I don’t know, man.”
Jake glanced at the clock, seeing they had made good time, and it was barely past lunch. “We could grab lunch before you drop me off?” he offered, not sure when Bradley was supposed to meet up with Phoenix. “We’ve got some time.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jake said, suddenly emboldened by the tentative happiness in Bradley’s voice. “And look, it ain’t like either of us have much by the way of family so if we make sure our leaves match up, we can pick another state and do this all over again.”
That got the small smile into a full-blown grin as Bradley relaxed, settling back into the seat, one hand dropping away from the wheel to rest on the gear shift, relaxed in the way Jake had gotten used to him driving. Not having a car meant Jake had been with his fair share of drivers over the years, and considering they were flying multimillion dollar jets on the regular, he found few pilots could actually drive.
“Any place in particular?” Bradley asked. “I bet you’ve got a thousand places on your phone.”
“Maybe.” Jake did, but he didn’t appreciate the knowing grin pointed in his direction. Sighing, he grabbed his phone and began to scroll through the list, trying to remember ones he had gone to before since he didn’t have his laptop. He wasn’t in the mood to try something new.
“Oh, hey. There’s this one on the harbor, if we sit outside we can see North Island and the carriers. It’s good. Some of the southern food you can get near base honestly. And their shrimp boil is to die for. And it’s close enough we don’t have to worry about fighting traffic if we take a little longer to eat.”
“Perfect,” Bradley said, sounding happier. “Why do I have a feeling you have an excel spreadsheet somewhere ranking shrimp restaurants in San Diego?”
Instead of replying, Jake grabbed Bradley’s phone so he could input the GPS coordinates and settled back, staring out the window as Bradley laughed. “Shut up,” he muttered as Bradley laughed harder.
“Should I start bringing a barf bag anytime we go somewhere there is shrimp?” Bradley asked, watching as Jake leaned over, his hands braced against his knees as he took a few deep breaths.
“Shut up,” Jake said, standing up and glaring at him. “I’m fine.”
“Did you really need the extra half point of shrimp on your pound of shrimp boil?” Bradley asked, wanting to wander over and wrap his arm around Jake’s waist, but he was half afraid if he squeezed too hard Jake would throw up everywhere.
“Yes,” Jake said, before he turned and started walking along the harbor, intent clear.
Bradley watched him for a moment before checking the time. They had plenty of it, and Bradley wasn’t going to argue against more time together. He rubbed a hand over his face and jogged to catch up with Jake, grimacing as he did so. He might not have eaten as much as Jake, but he was definitely on the fuller side of comfortable right then. The food had been good, and Bradley had kept picking at it to extend the late lunch. They were back in San Diego, and he could see the carriers if he looked out across the harbor, the USS Midway looming ahead of them along the wharf. He could see people in familiar uniforms, families surrounding them or friends out for a quick lunch break from the base.
It was everything Bradley had grown up around and it felt like home, and it also felt new. He felt new.
“Where are we going?” Bradley asked when he caught up to Jake, grabbing his hand and squeezing it before he slotted their fingers together.
“I just think some fresh air would be nice is all,” Jake said, grimacing before he shook his head. “I know better but…” He trailed off and shrugged. “We don’t really get great shrimp out in Lemoore so whenever I’m in San Diego or in a port town I try and eat more of it.”
“Eat too much of it you mean.” Bradley couldn’t help but tease. “You know it’s not gonna disappear if you don’t finish it right? There’ll always be another shrimp boat hauling in its catch.”
Jake was silent, a move Bradley was quickly learning was as much of an answer as agreement was. Jake did know, he just wasn’t going to admit it. Bradley leaned over and kissed Jake’s cheek, chuckling softly at the questioning frown thrown his way.
“Just think you’re cute is all, baby,” Bradley explained.
“Mmhmm,” Jake said, looking back along the harbor before he nodded in the direction of the base. “Ready for Monday?”
“Nope, you?”
“Nope.” Jake sighed before looking back at him. “You talk to Mav?”
Bradley shook his head. “Not in a couple of days. I kinda wanna ask if he’s back around and stuff but also,” he paused and shrugged again. “It’s just gonna take time mostly. There’s a lot of shit and I want things to get better but I’ve also gotten used to him not being in my life, you know?”
“Not really but I can understand. You gonna tell him about this?” Jake lifted their conjoined hands.
“Yeah,” Bradley said before he snorted. “Fuck, I don’t think I remember ever coming out to him to be honest. So that might be more of a surprise than the fact that it’s you.”
“Mm, yeah. I don’t think I made a good impression on him,” Jake said, looking down at the ground.
“Nope,” Bradley replied, not sure what else to say even when Jake flinched. “I mean, flying, yeah. But he’s got a whole thing about never leaving your wingman behind and you’re just as talented as he is but you fly differently, you have different aspirations than he did.” Bradley paused as he shifted, letting himself drift closer to Jake so their shoulders were brushing as they walked, looking like any other couple walking along the harbor. “Sometimes I think Mav flies because he’s afraid of who he is if he didn’t fly.”
“And you don’t think I do that?” Jake sounded curious.
“Three weeks ago, I would’ve said that you were the same. But I know you better now. And you have other things. You clearly don’t mind the idea of settling down, you have good friends, you have hobbies that don’t involve flying. The man is a fighter pilot and in his free time he likes to fix up old planes and motorcycles and then fly or ride them. Are you afraid of getting promoted into a position where you don’t fly as much?”
Jake shrugged. “Nope. I know where I wanna go and that’s up. Admiral would be cool. Cyclones job looks fun honestly. Out here.” He nodded toward North Island. “Wouldn’t mind doing that but right now my focus is to get promoted as soon as I can and see where the wind takes me.”
Jake as Air Boss was a terrifying thought if Bradley was being honest. There was no doubt in his mind that Jake wouldn’t do it well, and would be good at the job, but they were getting older, promotions were around the corner and time kept on moving. Jake becoming Air Boss was a lot closer than Bradley once wanted to let himself admit. He thought back to the week before, the discussion over the table at a random motel in the woods, how Bradley should probably start figuring out what he wanted to do with his career aside from just flying. Because it was getting to the point where he had to make the decision before the decision was made for him.
“Holy shit I forgot about that.”
Bradley glanced at Jake to see him grinning at something and it wasn’t hard to find out what he was looking at. “Shit, has this always been here?” he asked, staring up at the statue.
“For a while now, yeah,” Jake said, walking faster, dragging Bradley along behind him before Bradley started walking faster to catch up. “It was some art installation from a while ago that they decided to keep, probably because of the Midway and shit. Aren’t you from San Diego?”
“I was, didn’t exactly have a lot of good memories so I didn’t come back a lot after high school,” Bradley explained as they came to a stop in front of the statue.
The area around it had a few tourists, some of them mimicking the pose and others just taking photos of the statue with the Midway behind it. It was the sort of tourism that Bradley had never been interested in because he was in the Navy, why would he want to spend more time on ships? But Jake liked them, as Bradley had found out.
“How many times have you gone to the Midway?” he asked, pressing up against Jake’s back and hooking his chin over his shoulder as Jake stared up at the statue, wishing he had his camera and he hadn’t left it in the car because they were just getting lunch.
“Free admission for active duty,” Jake said, patting Bradley’s cheek before stepping away and turning, smirking at Bradley with the kind of smirk that once had made Bradley almost get into fist fights but now it made his breath catch. “I think we could do it better.”
“Do what?”
Jake jerked his thumb back at the statue. “That.”
Bradley looked up at the statue, the iconic kiss before he shrugged. “Yeah, I could easily dip you.”
“Who said I would be the one getting dipped?” Jake asked, jaw jutted out.
“Um,” Bradley said, scrabbling to come up with a reason and falling short. He held out his hand. “Rock, paper, scissors for it?”
Jake rolled his eyes but held out his hand as Bradley counted them down and he threw scissors, just as Jake’s hand stayed clenched. He watched as Jake grinned, his rock hitting Bradley’s scissors. It was a stupid thing to get competitive about, but Bradley still wanted to win.
“Best out of three,” he said, getting another eye roll but Jake held out his hand again, eyebrows raised as Bradley counted them down, both of them throwing rocks. It was silent as they went another few rounds, both of them matching a few times before Bradley finally beat Jake with scissors.
“This is stupid,” Jake said, even as he rolled his shoulders, eyes locked on their hands, feet spread like he was about to take a hit instead of a random game that Bradley never remembered learning but he knew about it all the same.
“And yet…,” Bradley trailed off, winking at Jake as he counted them down, his smile fading into a scowl when Jake beat him, paper to rock. “Best out of five.”
“Absolutely not, darlin’. Don’t be a sore loser, you get to kiss me either way,” Jake said, patting Bradley on the chest.
“You mean you get to kiss me,” Bradley muttered, more put out about losing the game than he was about the one being dipped. He didn’t care about that, Jake was right, he got to kiss Jake.
“Now whose getting pedantic?” Jake teased, before jerking his chin. “C’mon. As much as I hate it, we are running out of time and we’ve got to tell some well-meaning friends that we’re dating.”
“I don’t know about you, but I am not looking forward to that conversation,” Bradley said, thinking of Nat and the series of texts he hadn’t answered.
“We’ll be fine,” Jake said, tugging Bradley closer. “You wanna be out, so we gotta deal with ‘em.”
“I know, but like how do I even start that convo. Hey Nat, heads up, the guy I’m dating. Yeah, it’s Jake.”
“Well, I’m not a hundred percent certain she knows my first name so you might wanna start with calling me Hangman,” Jake said.
Bradley shot him a flat look. “She knows your name.”
“Mmhmm.”
As he watched, Jake paused and tilted his head to the side, staring at him with a look Bradley had seen a hundred times. It was the look that Hangman got right before he made a decision and woe be anyone who got in their way. Jake tilted his head to the side before he nodded once and glanced around, stepping away from Bradley to walk over to a group of tourists and talking to them before, in a move Bradley had never seen, took his phone out and handed it over.
“What?” Bradley asked as Jake walked back toward him.
“Well you’re slackin’ on the photo department right now so I figured I’d see what all the hub hub is about,” Jake explained, even as he wrapped an arm around Bradley’s waist and grinned at him, before glancing to the statue behind him. “C’mon darlin, let’s make this look good.”
“I always look good, what’re you talking about,” Bradley said, shifting his feet as he did his best to copy the statue.
“Isn’t that my line?” Jake asked, wrapping one arm around Bradley’s neck, the other resting on his waist.
“It could be mine as well,” Bradley replied, finding himself more relaxed at the prospect of being dipped than he expected. Jake was just as strong as he was, and unlike Bradley, he hadn’t spent the past few weeks doing nothing but eating, sleeping and sitting. It felt good to have Jake wrapped around him.
“Well, you look good Hangman,” Bradley said, reaching up to cup Jake’s elbow and squeezing.
“I am good, Rooster, I’m very good,” Jake said, winking at him.
“Dudes, sorry to rush you but we’ve got plans.”
They both glanced over to see the unimpressed look the tourist was throwing their way, clearly impatient along with the rest of his group standing at a bit of a distance, also itching to go.
“Sorry, man,” Bradley replied, chuckling as he looked back at Jake raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to the side in question.
“Ready, darlin?”
“Ready, sweetheart.”
In the end, all Bradley could do was smile when Jake kissed him, relaxing as he was dipped with the knowledge that Jake wouldn’t let him fall.
Chapter 15: The Social Media Crash Out
Notes:
SURPRISE!! ONE MORE CHAPTER! heads up, this is ALL images.
Chapter Text
Bradley's Instagram Post
bbshaw's instagram story
the text message crash out
Pages Navigation
Aphroditedany on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 05:29AM UTC
Last Edited Tue 15 Oct 2024 03:02PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:01AM UTC
Comment Actions
nimuetheseawitch on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 06:04AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:02AM UTC
Comment Actions
Catarina4057 on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 06:05AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:01AM UTC
Comment Actions
Firecracker_aka_Teaminator on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 06:45AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:02AM UTC
Comment Actions
hazelvill1 on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 02:21PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:02AM UTC
Comment Actions
hazelvill1 on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 06:29AM UTC
Comment Actions
Aliede on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 09:18PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
Big_Biscuit on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Oct 2024 10:33PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
quin0611 on Chapter 1 Wed 16 Oct 2024 04:09AM UTC
Last Edited Wed 16 Oct 2024 04:10AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
MumbleBee19 on Chapter 1 Wed 16 Oct 2024 05:43AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
k0ralik on Chapter 1 Wed 16 Oct 2024 08:56PM UTC
Comment Actions
k0ralik on Chapter 1 Wed 16 Oct 2024 08:57PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 05:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
Lady_Noxia on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 07:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Wed 23 Oct 2024 05:02AM UTC
Comment Actions
testcard_girl on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Oct 2024 09:05PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Wed 23 Oct 2024 05:04AM UTC
Comment Actions
aprilfoolish on Chapter 1 Tue 22 Oct 2024 06:56PM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Wed 23 Oct 2024 05:04AM UTC
Comment Actions
SunMonTue on Chapter 1 Sat 16 Nov 2024 08:42AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Mon 18 Nov 2024 12:02AM UTC
Comment Actions
Angsty_pants on Chapter 1 Mon 02 Dec 2024 12:58AM UTC
Comment Actions
halestrom on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Dec 2024 02:52AM UTC
Comment Actions
jayjaythejetplane on Chapter 1 Sat 14 Dec 2024 06:54AM UTC
Comment Actions
esaael on Chapter 1 Mon 03 Mar 2025 02:04PM UTC
Comment Actions
42hrb on Chapter 1 Wed 18 Jun 2025 02:24PM UTC
Comment Actions
pinkmondaysworld on Chapter 1 Fri 20 Jun 2025 01:39PM UTC
Comment Actions
inkandella on Chapter 1 Sun 22 Jun 2025 06:31AM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation