Work Text:
obsidian_void, purble, Sam
purble
guess whose submission made it!
guess!?!?
obsidian_void
you're finally getting a job?
purble
no stupid
my trail cam video is on ferngill top 5!!!!
Sam
woah cool
purble
thumb nail baby!!!
Sam
whoooooo!
obsidian_void
ugh that channel is so fake
purble
no its not!
Sam
yeah if it was fake it wouldnt be showing abbys real video
obsidian_void
Her real video of a slime.
purble
ITS NOT A SLIME
Sam
oh no you set her off again
purble
SLIMES DO NOT MOVE LIKE THAT
obsidian_void
Oh and you're the slime biologist I guess. That's just a slime.
Sam
but the bouncing
obsidian_void
Not the bouncing.
purble
YES THE BOUNCING
SLIMES DONT BOUNCE LIKE THAT
YOU KNOW WHAT BOUNCES LIKE THAT?
obsidian_void
Not the stupid name
purble
NIGHT.
BOUNCERS.
obsidian_void
That name is so stupid. I can't believe you talked Maru into helping you set up those cameras.
Sam
dude no night bouncers are real
i totally saw them as a kid
purble
yeah they're attracted to childlike wonder and whimsy
which is why mr. emo never saw them
obsidian_void
I've seen plenty of slimes.
purble
not slimes
obsidian_void
Bouncing slimes.
purble
watch the video!!!! Raccoons never let slimes get that close
Sam
yeah man look at it just chilling with the raccoon
thats super weird
obsidian_void
Maybe the raccoon was sick.
Sam
no way man thats not a slime
purble
mr. No Whimsy never got to see a night bouncer
so sad for him
obsidian_void
Maybe you just thought you saw them because of all those rocks you ate as a kid.
Maybe the chemical composition
made you hallucinate
Sam
you did eat a lot of rocks
purble
shut up! I was like ten!
Sam
well and last week
purble
it really looked like candy!!!!!
obsidian_void
It really didn't.
purble
the farmer always gives me snacks why would I think they were just giving me a friggin emerald?
Who goes around giving out emeralds???
Sam
the farmer does
the totally normal farmer
purble
ugh seb probably thinks the farmer is totoally normal
obsidian_void
okay the farmer is.
The farmer is kind of weird.
purble
so weird
obsidian_void
Can you guys be cool about something?
Sam
were always cool
obsidian_void
I mean don't go spreading this to your cryptid youtubers okay?.
This is secret info.
purble
wait 4 reall?
obsidian_void
Seriously you have a swear.
purble
dude of course! Oh my yoba I can't believe you've been holding out on us
Sam
yeah man your the one thats not cool
obsidian_void
ugh look it's probably not even a big deal
But so
So my mom was over building a barn for them and she said
There was like a glowing purple rock just lying there
Sam
rocks man its all coming together
obsidian_void
And she goes
"What is that? Is that safe?"
And the farmer told her
gotta get this right
the farmer said
"Oh it's just an iridium meteorite. Random event. Annoying when those hit in a new save before you've gotten a chance to upgrade your pick ax."
Sam
what
purble
like really they said that whole thing????
obsidian_void
Yeah mom was super exact in repeating it because it was so weird.
purble
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Sam
whoa!
that's crazy
she's lucky she made it off the farm alive!
purble
and she's not gonna go back right?
obsidian_void
well.
purble
you're kidding
obsidian_void
No one else in this town is having anything built!
Sam
shes gonna get body snatched
or she already did
purble
oh man you're right
Sam
you dont know if that's really your mom any more.
purble
has she been acting weird?
has she been laughing at your stepdads jokes?
obsidian_void
No one is body snatched!
The farmer is just weird not a
purble
A ALIEN????
LIKE THE NIGHT BOUNCERS ARE SUSPECTED TO BE???
Sam
its all coming together
obsidian_void
Nothing is coming together!
Sam
u think that's what the gift thing is about?
purble
oh no I never thought about that!!!!
Sam
the mayonsaise
mayonasisse
may on aize
mayo
purble
the mayo!!
obsidian_void
You think they're controlling us somehow?
With mayo?
That's so dumb!
purble
why are they making so much mayo??? And giving it away???
Sam
that is not normal human behavior running around town shoving mayo in everyone's hands
obsidian_void
That doesn't mean it's aliens.
purble
doesnt mean its not aliens
Sam
oh man ive been letting the farmer just talk to vincent
maybe thats what the sewer thing is about
purble
what sewer thing?
Sam
vincent said he saw a sewer monster! I thought it was just a night bouncer
obsidian_void
And now they're in the sewers.
Famous land of childlike whimsy
the sewers
purble
maybe that's where the farmer goes to revert to their alien form
Sam
wow thats
thats so true and smart i bet that's what it is
obsidian_void
You guys are hopeless.
Sam
i told vincent the night bouncers are harmless what if hes been brainwashed
he keeps drawing pictures of them
purble
like the mashed potatos
obsidian_void
The what?
purble
that movie! Where seeing the alien makes the guy make potato sculptures.
Has vincent been asking for extra potatos?
Sam
no just the drawings so far
like look at this one he did of the farmer.
obsidian_void
okay that is weird.
How did he even
Get it to look like that?
purble
aliens
Sam
but what are they doing?
actually
what are they actually doing
purble
theyre
uh
huh
Sam
maybe theyre
good?
aliens?
obsidian_void
Or no aliens and they're just weird
purble
the mayo is just a message of friendship?
Sam
i havent felt weird after the mayo
purble
oh me neither! All the jars have been good
obsidian_void
Jars? Plural? How much mayo are you guys eating?
purble
a girl is allowed to enjoy a snack!!!
Sam
its good mayo
obsidian_void
So what have we accomplished here? Today.
purble
I got in a youtube video :)
obsidian_void
Okay good but the farmer?
purble
I dunno alien but good alien?
I wouldn't mind a good alien in town
Sam
yeah it would be cool
purble
maybe they can tell us more about the night bouncers.
obsidian_void
I'm never going to get anywhere with you people.
purble
that's because you dont have a mind open to the wonders of the universe like us
Sam
so true
obsidian_void
Okay. Fine.
What about this?
Have you read that theory that we're all in a simulation?
purble
oh come on thats going too far
Sam
for real. you think were just video game characters?
purble
absurd.
