Chapter Text
Tenzin knew what he had to do, but it was much easier to imagine than to have to deal with it.
The moment he stepped onto the island and his children came to meet him, a wave of guilt spread over his chest.
He didn't regret everything that had happened minutes before in Lin's apartment, quite the opposite, but he couldn't deny the guilt that was beginning to eat away at him for the way he had handled it.
He hadn't imagined that his night would end like that, at the moment he offered Lin a ride he hadn't in mind that he would relive all his love in a few hours and make him question his own decisions from years ago.
Pema's call was the start of this feeling that had taken over his heart at that moment.
Tenzin knew he had a duty to fulfill now.
He couldn't repeat what had happened at Lin's house without having a serious and decisive conversation with Pema about his feelings and their future. What happened was destined to happen and he let himself be carried away by all the suppressed love he feels for Lin, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he wasn't honest with himself and the two other women.
"Dad, we were worried, you went to drop the Chief off at home and didn't come back..." Ikki said as he crossed the courtyard on his air scooter followed by his two brothers.
"Sorry about that, honey, the Chief and I had... some business to take care of." Tenzin hated having to go against the truth, but that wouldn't be a lie at all, he really did stay and resolve something with Lin.
As soon as everyone entered, Pema was waiting for him with a distressed appearance from what he could see in her posture and gaze.
The two exchanged a brief look, but Tenzin couldn't hold it for long, opting to hold Rohan in his arms as soon as his youngest son approached.
"You all, why don't you go to bed while your mother and I have a talk?" Tenzin asked, and his four children followed suit.
Jinora, who had not yet appeared, had arrived in the room at that moment and nodded in agreement with her father's request, but not before taking a moment to look at Tenzin.
There would be a time to talk to his children, and this was not that time, but he could see from his eldest daughter's gaze that she knew something was about to happen, but she wisely would not push it at that moment.
As soon as the children were out of sight, Tenzin looked back at Pema who still hadn't said a word.
He needed to be honest and honest with her, even though he knew it would be difficult and painful for everyone, including him, so he decided to get straight to the point.
"We need to talk!" He said looking at her.
"I'm afraid so." Pema sighed. "But not here." And with that she walked off towards the hallway leaving Tenzin slightly confused, but he followed her anyway.
As soon as the two entered Tenzin's office, Pema found a place near the window to lean against before she turned to face him.
"Okay, now we can talk. What do you need to tell me?" Pema knew deep down since that call with Lin earlier that something wasn't right, but she wasn't going to make it easy for Tenzin, he usually had the instinct to avoid difficult conversations and situations.
“Pema, before I say anything, I need you to understand that nothing I tell you now will change everything we’ve lived together so far and everything we’ve built as a family. You’ve given me the most valuable gifts of my entire life and I could never thank you in this life for how much that meant and means to me. But…”
“But?” Pema said, almost choking.
“Pema, I… Spirits like that is so hard to say?” Tenzin sighed, running his hand over his face and spinning on his feet so that he would have some distraction.
“Try at least, Tenzin!” Pema said more firmly.
“You know how much I still loved Lin when we were together, don’t you? I… I never hid that from you. Even though we weren’t on good terms back then and I was also developing feelings for you, I never hid that fact because I couldn’t enter into a relationship with you while hiding such an important part of me, and today… Pema…” Tenzin resumed his speech.
“Spirits, I can’t believe this is happening…” Pema said, turning her back to Tenzin to observe the city in the background.
“I…Pema, I’m trying to be as sincere and honest with you here… please, look at me?” He asked.
Pema did as he asked and turned to face him, she took another deep breath and held the window frame, she needed to be ready for what he was going to say now. She knew her heart was about to be destroyed in the next few seconds.
“Pema, you know I would never hurt you knowingly, right? I need you to believe me when I say that I’m suffering from this too.”
“What about this, Tenzin? What are you suffering from?” Pema practically screamed.
“I still love Lin…”
Silence
When she didn’t say anything else, he continued. “I’ve tried to suppress it for so long, and it’s been easy in the last few years with the way Lin treated me and all the distance, I thought I was over it, but…Pema, I can’t be married to you anymore while also wanting to be somewhere else.”
There it was, he was breaking Pema’s heart into a thousand pieces. From the way Tenzin was looking at her, it seemed like he was in total agony too, at least that was a relief for Pema at that moment. Knowing that he would be honest enough to have to confess this was probably a big deal, but she needed more, she needed to know even if she was afraid to find out, what was it that made him come to this conclusion.
“Okay, you still love her… But you also loved her when you married me years ago, you were always honest about it like you said, what does that change now?” Pema asked.
Tenzin was in pain, it was clear, but they needed to put the truth into words here, right now and Pema needed the truth, even though she knew it would hurt her even more. Tenzin needed to be clear.
“This isn’t easy to say, you can imagine what I mean… Pema, please, I don’t want to hurt you any more than I’m already hurting you…” Tenzin seemed in complete agony now.
“Well, I’m not going to make it easy for you this time, Tenzin! Just be honest and tell me the truth…”
“I want her back!” Tenzin literally shouted, rubbing the back of his neck when he saw that he had overstepped his bounds, but he wouldn’t back down now. “I want her back… I can’t just stay away anymore, she’s stronger than me, stronger than my own will…” Tenzin finally confessed.
After the confession, Pema was finally able to let her emotions drain away as tears streamed down her face without any control.
She feared that ever since Lin had re-entered their lives through Korra, this could happen. After she sacrificed her life and her bending for her family, everything became clear to Pema. She would be eternally grateful for Lin's act, of course, but she knew that even someone with such a protective instinct as Lin would not put herself at risk knowing that her chances were slim if the reason for her protective action was anything less than love. And given Lin's involvement with her entire family after that turbulent period only strengthened this feeling within her.
It was as if she lived on the verge of the day when Tenzin would realize that he still loved her. Pema saw the way her husband lit up when Lin came to the island or when he had to meet her for some avatar reason. Pema personally saw how Tenzin looked at Lin, almost with adoration, and in return she saw how Lin consciously avoided any interaction that would put her in a similar situation, how she made sure there was no one else looking to direct her gaze at Tenzin.
They were both so bad at hiding it that Pema had probably already realized that more people might have noticed if she herself had come to this conclusion so easily.
And earlier today when she had been worried about Tenzin's absence and had received confirmation from Opal that he had offered to take Lin home, she knew that this could be the end, and she had received confirmation in that call after spending enough time gathering the courage to call. Lin's silence, the unusual tone of voice indicating an obvious lie, was the missing piece for her to know in her heart that this could be the end.
And it was. It was happening right here in front of her.
Tenzin was or was trying to be as correct as possible in his actions, and for him to be having this revealing and catastrophic conversation with her now, he probably already came with the certainty of what he wanted.
Pema was neither a coward nor weak, far from it, but she knew when a war was won, and there was no point in trying any subterfuge or creating any situation to try to postpone the inevitable. Tenzin was leaving her.
Before she could say anything, Pema felt Tenzin's warm body practically collide with hers and she felt two arms wrap around her in a crushing hug, but full of all the pain they were sharing.
"I'm so sorry, Pema! I really am, I wish I could make you suffer and not..."
"Tenzin, please, I understand..." Pema said, her voice muffled by both the crying and the hug. “I’m not going to pretend I’m okay or romanticize anything, but… I understand… I knew this could catch up with us one day, I was aware of it from the moment I confessed my feelings for you and you were honest with me about your feelings for Lin… I just thought that one day I could make you love me more than her…”
Pema was sobbing at that moment and Tenzin could do nothing to comfort her other than tighten his embrace around her. He knew he was possibly being a stupid idiot for revealing all of this so directly, but he swore he would be honest with her at all costs when they were together.
He just wished the truth and understanding of these feelings he had for Lin had been clearer in his mind earlier. It would spare him some of the guilt he still had for having slept with her before sorting out his life.
But that didn't matter now, everything had been done and now he would act in the best way possible out of respect for Pema and what they had built together.
"What will we tell our children?" Pema sniffed, still shedding tears, but feeling firmer as she pulled away from Tenzin to face him.
"The truth!" Tenzin said, but Pema grimaced as she thought. "We don't need to go into details, and it doesn't need to be today, but I would like to be honest with them, after all they also like Lin and this could have a big impact on the fact that we are both getting divorced."
Divorcing
"Right... I should maybe go to another temple or find a place in the city to..."
"Definitely not! Pema, you are the mother of my children, they need you... Here! You can have the memorial house, it's big enough for the children to be there and here in the main house." Tenzin said.
“Tenzin, this is the Fire Lord’s official residence on the island, and I don’t…”
Tenzin cut her off with a wave of his hand. “No one has used it since Lord Zuko was still the Fire Lord, and Izumi never used it, preferring to be in the city on her official visits. Accept it, I wouldn’t forgive myself if the children were to be away from you or if you had to leave…” Tenzin practically begged.
Pema considered the proposal, trying to weigh in her thoughts very quickly the pros and cons that her staying on the island would cause, what it would mean for her, for her heart, but at that moment that would have to be put aside, she needed to make a decision that would be beneficial for both her well-being and that of her children, and being on the island and being present in their lives was the greatest motivator and pro in her mental balance.
“Okay! I’ll keep the house, but until the children are well-adjusted and mature enough for me to follow my own path. I’m not saying I’ll walk away after that, but I want you to know that I will continue, even if it’s in the city with my life, I owe it to them and to myself.” Pema said, looking deep into Tenzin’s eyes so he could be sure of the truth of her words.
“Okay, but whatever you decide, I will support and accept your decision.”
Pema nodded, but something occurred to her.
“I have a request to make…”
“Sure, anything.” Tenzin said with a more tender expression.
“I would like you to wait a little while until you bring Lin to this island as yours... you know what I mean, it could be... I won't deny that this will be very difficult for me, Tenzin, I don't know how I will feel when it happens, but I would like you to wait, not only for me, but for the children too, they will want to have time to assimilate everything.” Pema asked.
“I understand and agree. I would also like to avoid a media scandal.”
Pema squirmed when he mentioned it. It hadn’t crossed her mind until he mentioned the tabloids. They had been cruel and inhumane, especially to Lin when Tenzin left her years ago; a breakup between him and Pema would raise many questions. And if Pema was the cannon fodder this time, what wouldn’t the news and malicious columns say about her?
Because the rope always breaks at the weakest point. Back then, Lin was the weakest link according to public perception, would it be her today?
Pema tried not to think too much about it, but Tenzin saw her discomfort and confusion.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll think of something to try to make a peaceful transition that doesn’t expose you or the children to this.” Tenzin assured her reassuringly.
Pema nodded. Now her penny was sinking in drastically. The matter was over; they needed to deal with the real world. A real world in which she would no longer be Tenzin's wife, a real world in which she would not share her bed, her life and her future with the master of the air.
“I need to rest…” she said, truly exhausted, but also as a way to take the bandage off once and for all. “I'm going… I'm going to sleep with one of the children and tomorrow…”
“No!” Tenzin said directly. “You can sleep in the room, I'll take Kya's room for the night and tomorrow after we talk to the children we can move your things to the memorial house, and then we'll see how things will go over time.”
Pema didn't argue, she didn't have the strength for that anymore, everything was clear.
Lin couldn't sleep a wink that night, wondering what Tenzin would do.
He hadn't been clear about his actions, in fact he hadn't been very clear at all. She knew in her heart everything he said and what he left unsaid. But that feeling of uncertainty and the hyper-rational part of her mind began to self-sabotage her thoughts.
What if he repented, what if he confessed his transgression to Pema but she forgave him and they both moved on as if nothing had happened, as if that night had meant nothing, just a moment of weakness.
No, Lin was better than that...Tenzin was better than that. What happened between the two of them that night was the overflow of their feelings. It was how they always dealt with it when they were both emotionally constipated and needed to let it out. It was their love in its rawest form.
After so many years, it was like coming home.
He had assured her that he would come back and that he loved her too. She wanted more confirmation of that. This was Tenzin being the most lucid and direct she had ever seen.
She just needed to trust his word.
At that moment she would accept anything he offered her if he could be in her life again, even if she had to hide that fact from the world, no one else needed to know, as long as the two of them knew and could enjoy and relive this love.
With that perhaps desperate and most selfish thought she had ever experienced in her entire life, Lin lost consciousness as sleep took over her.
Two days passed.
Two long days after that night and Lin still hadn't heard anything substantial from Tenzin, just a brief call to his office when she was unfortunately absent where Tenzin left a message saying he would be out of town and that he would explain later.
Of course she knew that Tenzin couldn't leave a more precious message or one that revealed more than he should, but she was still upset, upset that he hadn't made an effort to contact her afterwards. She knew she was being immature and she hated herself for thinking that way.
She was a woman in her prime of 56 years who had a one-night stand with her ex-boyfriend and was now madly in love with him again and didn't know how to deal with her own emotions and frustrations.
Maybe she should have been less hard on herself and even deserved a discount for literally never having loved or been in love with anyone else in her entire life. Even after Tenzin broke up with her, Lin had barely had a relationship or two, all of which had failed after three or four weeks. She understood that maybe she didn't deserve to love anymore or that she was possibly incapable of falling in love again. Lin felt guilty and alone. As if the blame for Tenzin leaving her at that time was because she hadn't loved him enough, even though she could have given her own life for him because of how intense her feelings were. But that wasn't enough.
Lin had felt stuck or even lacking in that department after her failures, so she had decided she wouldn’t get involved with anyone else. She’d had a few casual encounters over the years, sure, but even those had seemed shallow and meaningless to her after a while, so Lin had shut herself off completely.
It wasn’t like her hand couldn’t do the job that any arrogant, status-seeking jerk who wanted to have a one-night stand with her couldn’t.
And now here she was, holed up in her office at nearly midnight because she hadn’t been able to go back to her apartment one more night and relive everything she and Tenzin had done two nights ago. She’d convinced herself that burying herself in work would be better, but who was she kidding? That just wasn’t working for her anymore.
With a huff, Lin stood up, trying to stretch a bit after spending hours hunched over her desk doing at least a week and a half’s worth of paperwork. That was impressive, even for her.
Seeing that she had no more reasons or excuses to spend another night at the police station, Lin gathered the rest of the paperwork to do, it was just a small pile that she had selected, and before leaving she placed it on some random detective's desk to be finished in the morning.
...
Her routine was methodical, if not boring.
She arrived home, took off her armor, ordered takeout, and took a shower while she waited.
She ate as she always did every night, and then, instead of reading a little, Lin chose to go straight to bed. There was no point in postponing her much-deserved sleep for a few pages of reading. And that's what Lin did. As soon as she snuggled into the soft sheets, Lin fell asleep almost instantly.
It could have been hours, or even minutes, Lin couldn't tell, but years as a police officer and the fact that she had developed such a keen seismic sense made her wake up instantly, but she realized that whatever or whoever had broken into her house, no matter how stupid the person was for breaking into the house of none other than the Chief of Police, was probably someone very skilled that she almost didn't detect them.
Lin felt where a knife she made sure to keep close was and got ready, but before she was quick enough, someone had entered her room. She had two seconds to think when the rustling of clothes and a rush of wind invaded her senses, making her practically sit up in bed, but a warm body had prevented her from moving.
She would recognize that smell anywhere, her panic and alertness were replaced by relief and an emotion so strong that Lin wouldn't be able to classify it even if she wanted to.
Tenzin was there, in her room, beneath her and staring at her with a smug expression.
Neither of them dared to break the silence and undo this tension between them until the detective inside Lin spoke louder.
"How...how did you get in here?" She practically whispered, showing a small smile.
Tenzin smiled back wider now and leaned even further into Lin's personal space, forcing her to lean even further, almost lying down.
"I used my spare key..." he answered as if it were no big deal and at the same time he leaned even further, now hovering just a few inches from Lin's face.
She looked so cute, all dismayed and with that sleepy face. He missed these simple everyday moments with her so much and being able to see all of Lin's faces.
"Spare key? But I didn't give it to you..." Lin didn't finish her answer because she really didn't need to.
She never changed the lock pattern. It was ridiculous and even irresponsible, she knew. She had changed doors and locks, of course, but she kept the key pattern and code the same, she even made sure to bend the cores to keep them with the same pattern.
Maybe it was something in her subconscious still resisting change or the hope that Tenzin would change his mind and return some time after the breakup? She had also never asked him for the spare key back, it wasn't exactly a spare key, it was his key, it always had been, and she would never ask for it back, because even thinking metaphorically, she liked to imagine that he would always have the key back to her life kept with him.
It was so ridiculous to have thought that back then and it was so surreal how Tenzin knew her to the point of knowing that by testing what seemed to be a hunch. Simply knowing, because he knew her better than she knew herself, that she would somehow be waiting for him and that would be enough for him to come back in.
She had her answer, it was right there in front of her. Lin didn't care about grand gestures or demonstrations, but this was beyond what she could have expected.
He was back as he promised, back in her life and making a point of literally walking through the front door.
Lin didn't let him finish his sentence because he didn't need to. She was a woman of action, and actions usually said much more than words in her eyes. With an intense thrust, Lin pulled Tenzin to her face and crashed her mouth against his, causing him to lose his balance and fall on top of her, placing his weight under her body. But it was almost gratifying to feel the weight of his body on hers.
Since she hadn't lost her mobility, Lin quickly reversed roles by turning them both on the bed and straddling his hips, surprising him.
Lin leaned in and kissed him deeply, guiding her body to fit perfectly with his, forgetting the world outside. All that really mattered was what they were experiencing here and now.
When she momentarily removed her lips from his mouth to catch her breath, Tenzin had a graceful smile on his face, something peaceful.
“I said I would come back… I’m back, Lin, with everything I have, with everything you want from me, with everything we deserve to live.” Tenzin confessed under her lips.
“I love you!” Was all Lin answered before attacking his mouth again in a sloppier kiss, inciting both of them to express all those feelings in the way they did best.