Chapter Text
March 2016
Phil is zoning out again, and Dan has had enough.
“So then I thought: ‘You know what? Fuck school, I’m dropping out and becoming a stripper.’”
“Mm-hm.” Phil nods, continuing to stare at a point to the left of Dan’s face. He hasn’t even touched his food, and lunch started ten minutes ago.
“I figure I’ll call myself something really edgy,” Dan continues, reaching across the table to swipe Phil’s pudding cup off his tray. “Zack Firestarter or something like that. Instead of taking my clothes off, I could literally set them on fire and just have them burn off my body. What do you think?”
“Sounds good.”
“Phil.”
“Yeah?” It takes Phil a few seconds to shift his gaze towards Dan and another few for the glassy look in his eyes to be replaced with one of guilt.
“What was I just talking about?”
“Er,” Phil says, eyebrows lowering in concentration. “Kanye?”
Dan sighs. “A for effort.” He peels the top off the pudding cup and spoons some of the contents into his mouth. “Actually, you know what? C-minus. You didn’t try that hard.”
“But I did try some,” Phil points out. He cocks his head to the side, looking between Dan’s hands and his own tray. “Is that my pudding?”
“Not anymore,” Dan says around another spoonful.
Phil crosses his arms and pouts but doesn’t object. Dan rolls his eyes, taking the biscuit off his own tray and placing it onto Phil’s. Phil smiles as he picks it up and takes a bite.
“You’ll spoil your appetite if you eat dessert first,” Dan chides.
“You can’t tell me what to do,” Phil says as he pops the last bite into his mouth. “You aren’t my real mum.”
“Sure I am. Now eat your peas.”
Phil does as he says, grimacing at the flavor of the mushy green vegetables.
“Wow,” Dan laughs. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it. Maybe I am your mum.”
“Shut up.”
Dan keeps laughing. When he has caught his breath, he says, “So, since I’ve finally got your attention, might I ask what’s been making you space out so much lately?”
Dan thinks he sees Phil’s cheeks turn slightly pink, but they are sitting at a picnic table outside and the air is chilly despite the fact that it is technically spring, so they might have been that way already. “Nothing,” he says. “Just thinking about school and stuff.”
“Phil, this is the one time during the school day when you don’t have to think about lessons.”
“I know,” Phil shrugs. “I guess I just—”
“Scoot over,” says a voice to Dan’s left. He looks up to see a face that matches his own looming over him.
“Piss off, Steve.”
“Dan,” Phil scolds. He scoots over on his own bench. “Here Steven, you can sit next to me.”
“Thanks, Phil,” Steven says, grinning smugly as he moves to the other side of the table and takes a seat. “Really, Dan, I don’t know how you managed to get such a nice friend, you being so hostile and all.”
“I am not hostile.”
Phil and Steven exchange a look, so Dan throws his empty pudding cup at them. It narrowly misses Steven’s head.
“See? That’s the kind of behavior I’m talking about.”
“Fuck you. What are you doing here anyway? Don’t you have your own friends to bother?”
Steven’s face goes sour. “They’re all over there with Erica.” He points to a table behind and to the left of Dan.
“What’s wrong with that?” Dan says. “I would think you’d want to sit with Erica, considering that you’re dating her.”
“Not as of five minutes ago,” Steven says, stabbing his meatloaf.
Dan smirks. “What’d you do to make her dump you this time?”
“I didn’t do anything! And why do you assume that she dumped me?”
“Well,” Phil chimes in. “It did kind of look that way from here.” Dan and Steven both turn their attention to him. Now he is definitely blushing. “Sorry, I kind of, erm, saw.”
Dan raises his eyebrows. So that’s what Phil was looking at.
Steven sighs. “I don’t even know what I did. She’s just been really irritable all day, so I asked if it was that time of the month and she broke up with me.”
Dan and Phil both wince. “Bad move,” Phil says.
“I didn’t mean it like that! Just, like, I could have gotten her chocolate or something if she’d told me.”
“You could have taken a hint and gotten her chocolate without asking what’s going on in her underwear in front of everyone, dipshit,” Dan points out.
“Oh.” Steven’s face falls. “How come you know so much about girls if you don’t even like them?”
“I like them just fine. I just don’t want to sleep with them. And, to answer your question, because I’m not an asshole.”
“Had me fooled.”
“That’s it. I’m leaving.” Dan grabs his tray and starts to stand up. He feels a hand wrap around his wrist.
“Don’t go,” Phil says gently.
Dan can’t help it; his heart melts a little. He sits back down. “I was kidding. Mostly.”
“Sure,” Phil says before he turns back to Steven. “I’m sorry about Erica,” he says, placing a hand on Steven’s shoulder. Dan feels a surge of jealousy, but he tamps it down quickly. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Steven shrugs. “Minorly bummed, but not heartbroken. Besides, now I can finally ask Megan out.”
“You’re a pig,” Dan says. “And Megan is out of your league.”
“I’m going to wait a few days. I’m not that big of a dick.” He ruffles his own curls in that way that says he’s about to say something that will make Dan want to punch him. “Besides, if she’s out of my league, she’s out of yours. You know, since I’m the handsome twin.”
“First of all, doesn’t matter if Megan is out of my league, as we aren’t even playing the same game. And second of all, we have the same face.”
“He’s just jealous because I’m smarter and prettier,” Steven stage-whispers to Phil.
Phil snorts. Dan glares.
“Okay, you two,” Phil says. “As we only have a few minutes left before class, I’m going to try to finish my meatloaf. Try not to kill each other.”
“No promises,” Dan and Steven say in unison.
They remain mostly civil for the remainder of the lunch period, if for no other reason than they both know Phil doesn’t like it when they bicker. Dan can’t help but notice how Phil keeps glancing at Steven, though, and he wonders if the breakup is the only reason Phil has been staring.