Chapter Text
Caitlyn should really get up and not spend another day wasting away in bed but the cavernous void in her chest pretty much shot all her motivation. I feel like I'm going to die. Her eyes were swollen from all the crying, she was surprised that she even had tears left to cry at this point. It had been four whole months since her and Vi broke up and the world continued to rotate on its axis as if Caitlyn's hadn't been obliterated. Everyday felt like a living nightmare she couldn't shake herself awake from.
Why did I do that?
She hates me now.
What if she already found someone else?
Those same thoughts have been churning in her mind over and over, and on the periods when they weren't, she was probably sobbing while she read over their old message thread again– she still couldn't make herself delete it despite Mel and Jayce's suggestions.
" It's not good for you, Cait." They would say, tone dripping with pity.
She didn't need pity, she needed the one and only thing she didn't have anymore. Revisiting these old messages, although torturous, also became a small slice of heaven– transporting her to a time when Vi still loved her.
darling
good morning cupcake, i love you
i just finished working out, can't let ur eye candy deteriorate ;)
i'm dropping off breakfast for powder then heading to class
cupcake
Good morning
I love you too. I don't know how I slept for so long.
I hope you had a good workout, I'm going to get ready for class now as well.
I'll see you this afternoon?
darling
yup, i'm pretty much free from now til my 4pm lecture so just let me know
what are you wearing today?
also have you eaten?
cupcake
Can you meet me at the student centre in 30 minutes? I just have to go over something with my professor.
You'll just have to wait and see.
No, I haven't eaten yet.
darling
yes
baby why do you keep doing this?
i always remind you to eat properly
cupcake
I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't have enough time to get something this morning.
darling
i feel like you just enjoy it when i fuss over you
cupcake
Maybe I do.
Caitlyn wore Vi's favourite dress of hers that day. It was a simple dress, cobalt blue, tight and fitted in the right places that accentuated her figure. Vi never could keep her hands off her more than usual whenever she wore it. So she definitely wore it as often as she could. Vi peppered her exposed shoulders with kisses, which she gently put a stop to, although she really really enjoyed it. She still couldn't brush away the years of propriety that were deeply drilled into her.
"People are staring." Caitlyn muttered under her breath. Vi's arm was draped around Caitlyn's back, her fingers tracing small circles on her shoulder. She shivered at the touch, yet she felt like she was burning all the same.
"So? Let them look." Vi rolled her eyes, bringing her hand down to squeeze Caitlyn's thigh instead.
"We're in school." She continued to reason, though she really didn't want her girlfriend's ministrations to stop. Let her hands keep wandering. Caitlyn enjoyed following the lines of dark ink stark against the pale of her girlfriend's skin with her eyes. She knew the way those lines crossed and connected all the way across her back. In the expanse that her nails have scratched plenty of marks onto
"Yeah, exactly. This is not a church." With that, Vi tilted Caitlyn's face towards her, pupils dilated with desire, and dropped a chaste kiss on her lips. Vi bit Caitlyn's lower lip, just short of drawing blood, before she drew away.
Caitlyn almost wished they were just so she could've dropped down on her knees in worship at the altar of this unholy god.
darling
you look so beautiful in that dress
i can't wait for tonight
text me later
cupcake
Pay attention to your lecture.
I will.
Caitlyn couldn't help the tears that slipped down her cheeks as she read over those messages, at the rush of bittersweet pain those memories brought back. She really should stop doing this. It's not productive and it's not going to bring Vi back. She had to move on.
For now, Caitlyn just shut her eyes and tried to escape reality.
But Vi couldn't even let her escape in her dreams, waking or asleep– she was always haunting at the forefront of her mind.The ghost of her touch and kisses set Caitlyn aflame, spreading throughout her entire body. She felt cleansed by that holy fire. The slow and sensuous drag of Vi's tongue on her breasts, then slowly wandering down and down until it reached that part of her that screamed for attention. The way Vi left marks all over her body, making a map on it only she could conquer.
When Caitlyn finally woke up, she didn't know whether to count it as a sweet dream or a nightmare.
Vi
cait, can we please talk? i know we can make this work. i love you in a way i didn't even know was possible.
we already talked about our plans so what's making you doubt us now?
i know i've sent you over a dozen messages today and even more calls. i know it's overwhelming and i'm sorry but please don't leave me.
we promised each other that we wouldn't give up. you've made the last three years of my life, the happiest– every day is so fucking amazing because i get to spend it with you. we have so many things we haven't done yet, so many places to see, so many mornings and nights to wake up next to each other. please don't leave me.
i love you, i really do.
cait, don't give up on us.
i love you.
Unblock this user? [Yes] [X]
Those were the last messages she received from Vi. She never responded to any of them nor returned her desperate calls. Caitlyn really didn't deserve to cry at all. After all, didn't she bring this on to herself?
Caitlyn didn't expect to run into Vi, which was foolish given they went to the same university and shared the same faculty. She registered the flash of shock, which then morphed into a hurt flutter on Vi's face. All briefly and efficiently tamped down with a blank look.
It had been six months of careful avoidance, which hadn't been too hard since they knew each other's schedule like the back of their own hand. Caitlyn stayed rooted at the spot, continuing to stare at Vi with a wistful expression on her face. She couldn't force her body to move, time stood still as the spectre that haunted her day in and day out presented itself in front of her. She couldn't take her eyes off of the blaring change in her ex's appearance. Vi grew out her hair and dyed it a ghastly black, which didn't do anything to diminish her devastatingly good looks. Caitlyn remembered how soft those strands felt in her hand as she stroked Vi's head to make her fall asleep. It calms me down when you do it, cupcake.
She went heavier on the eyeshadow which further contrasted against the light blue-gray of her eyes. Oh, how she missed those eyes . The warmth she used to see in them, however, was gone. Her long lashes fluttered over her cheeks, her freckles scattered across like a set of constellations Caitlyn deemed more celestial than stars. Vi pointedly directed her gaze away from her, she wished she could beg her to spare her one more glance. Darling, please lay your eyes on me.
She opened her mouth to speak, to say anything at all, though she didn't know what. What do you say to someone who begged and bared everything to you, all of which you ignored?
"Hey," she managed, weakly. Her voice cracked, as if she couldn't look even more pathetic.
Vi gave her a withering look, Caitlyn's chest constricts in agony. It was an expression she's never seen Vi direct towards her. Caitlyn deserved infinitely worse. She wanted to fall on her knees in desperate supplication. Forgive me.
Caitlyn held her breath for any kind of response. But it seemed Vi didn't think she was even worthy of one as she released an irritated sigh and tried to walk past her without acknowledgement. Before she could, Caitlyn grabbed a hold of her arm which was immediately shook off.
"What the fuck do you want?" Vi's eyebrows furrowed in anger, her voice dripping with venom. Caitlyn's heartbeat stuttered, the fury in Vi's voice was palpable. Though it was fully within her right to be so, it still shook Caitlyn. Her actions completely warranted this. She was the one who made Vi into this person, when she had nothing but love and tenderness in her eyes for her before. Come back to me. Still, hearing her voice again felt like the first gasp of air after drowning for so long. She wished Vi would slap her, hit her, anything to feel her touch on her skin again. She wanted to be punished. Maybe the pain would absolve her.
What a sick thought.
Vi wouldn't hurt her like that ever anyway.
What could she say?
I'm sorry I blocked and ghosted you after spending three amazing years together?
I still love you, Vi. I'm so sorry, I'm a coward.
Everyday without you feels like hell. I'm damned without you. I'm undone.
"I–I'm so sorry." Were the only stupid words that stumbled out of her equally stupid mouth. She wanted to dig a hole for herself. She would have at least two people attending, Jayce and Mel, hopefully they could spare her a flower– though she probably didn't even deserve that much.
Vi laughed, purely emotionless and cold, in response. "I genuinely do not want to see your fucking face again. I at least have the decency to say it to your face."
Then she was gone again from Caitlyn's life.
She forced herself to move forward too. Though every step she took away from Vi felt as if she were hurtling down a path made of broken glass.
Vi's hands shook as she typed off a message to her sister. Her mind was still reeling from that interaction, if she could even call it that. She questioned if she acted too hostile or cold but when she remembered what Caitlyn did, all those doubts flew away. She still couldn't even process what happened. Of course she'd appear now, at this very moment. When Vi finally reached a point where she could somewhat function properly again. It's as if the thought of Vi regaining the will to live again summoned divinities to conspire against her and reverse all that progress.
Caitlyn looked beautiful as ever. Vi wanted to hit her head against the wall for even thinking that. It was already happening.
After all she did to you? You moron.
But she looked so guilty and stricken. Her demons had no damn chance.
Please gather the last shreds of your dignity, Vi! The logical side of her brain continued to beg. She just had to forcibly remember the agony she felt during the first few weeks– and that was enough to sober her up from the intoxication brought on by Caitlyn Kiramman.
She really needed her sister to knock some sense into her head.
vi(agra)
what the actual fuck???
powpow
omg what???
WHAT??
vi(agra)
just saw caitlyn at the library
she grabbed my arm
said sorry
powpow
SORRY???
im about to whack that bitch
thats all she could say?
after six whole fucking months of nothing? where did she get the audacity to show her face to you again
god blessed her by not putting me in her path bc i would've sent that bitch flying to the moon
u better have ignored her
OR BETTER YET
told her to fuck off
please tell me you did that
vi(agra)
i don't even know what to think
like why now?
i asked her what the fuck she wanted
then told her to never show her face to me again
very cold, very aggressive
you would've been proud
powpow
there's nothing to think about. put it out of your head
forget her, you were doing so well
WOW. YOU ACTUALLY CURSED AT HER?? TOLD HER TO FUCK OFF???
omg character development
didn't know u were capable
im so proud sis
vi(agra)
i know
but now im like, was i too mean???
she looked so good
powpow
i wish i was an only child
no amount of hotness can undo her crimes
though i do miss her faaaaat wallet );
TOO MEAN???
SHE GHOSTED YOU BRUH
AFTER 3 YEARS
did momma raise a bitch?
vi(agra)
ur right.
FUCK.
legit feels like she sensed i was doing better then decided to grace me with her presence again
powpow
"grace me with her presence again"
ur not a poet
shut the fuck up and forget that bitch
im gonna tell mom
vi(agra)
u wouldn't
im not giving u money anymore if u do
powpow
jk i love u sis
but seriously DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER FURTHER.
leave it in the past
Powder had never seen her sister in so much pain before. Sure, Vi had sustained countless physical injuries before but those felt trifle to the anguish she saw now. Her older sister, who always seemed bigger than life itself, fell apart on Powder's shoulders. Her chest heaving and gasping from the sobs that wracked her frame.
"Am I dying?"
"No, you're not." Powder said, her voice shaking as she watched her sister sob ceaselessly.
"It literally hurts to breathe." Vi's breath falters as tears continue to stream down her face. Her eyes swollen, face flushed from hours of despair.
"Oxygen is free, sis. Breathe." She jokes, falling flat, as she wraps her arms around her sister's waist. Vi once felt so solid but now Powder felt as if she would've broken like glass if she held on too tightly.
"I want to hear her voice, Pow."
"Didn't you know? British accents have been recently banned in this household." She says all this in a very gauche imitation of a posh British accent. Vi's mouth twitched into an almost smile, and for that Powder would've done anything.
"Do you think she actually loved me?" Powder was sure Caitlyn did. She didn't know what went wrong, she was as surprised as Vi was.
"Why did she leave me? I just don't fucking understand." Powder so badly wished she knew the answers so she could end her sister's questions.
"Pow, just give me the fucking bottle!" Her sister's words slurred, she'd been drinking every single day for the past month. Morning, noon, and night. Alcohol was her only purveyor of 'peace'. Vi would've smacked herself for talking to her sister like that, if only she was actually capable of coherent thought. She didn't have many of those during that period.
Vi blacked out a few times. She got violent (never towards her, but God bless that punching bag). The skin on her knuckles, just like her heart, split over and over, never given the time to stitch itself back together. After a certain point, Powder had no choice but to tell their parents. Her sister was destroying herself. Vander, Connol and Felicia berated her for not saying anything sooner. They had the apartment cleared out of alcohol in a moment's notice. She faced the brunt of Vi's anger and helped her get through the withdrawals afterwards. Seeing her eyes clear and sober after so long was worth it.
"I love her so fucking much." Vi was in another one of her moods where she just cried inconsolably. Powder could do nothing but wrap her arms tightly around her sister.
For the first time in her life, Powder had to take care of her sister. She had to soothe, feed, and care for Vi for nights on end. Nights spent with Vi just crying in her arms, or staring blankly at the wall while she tried to get her to eat something. The sister whom Powder always looked up to, the unshakeable pillar that she always relied on, was crumbling. Powder held onto her, just like her older sister did countless times when they were young as she chased away all the monsters that scared Powder.
And now, it was her turn to chase those monsters away for her sister.
Later that night, Vi was determined to put that situation out of her mind. She put on her comfiest clothes and relaxed on the couch, quickly flicking through the TV channels. She just ordered food in, really hoping the driver didn't get lost again trying to find her building. Vi entertained the idea of watching another nature documentary, but voted against it when she remembered how hysterical she was after finding out about the plights of the Vaquita. There were only ten left in the world. TEN . She was devastated and has since then kept continuous tabs on its dwindling population. Her other option was to watch a new show set in the Roman Empire, how many historical inaccuracies could she catch this time? But before she could make a choice, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She quickly fished it out, thinking it was just the damn driver asking her where her building was at. Use your damn GPS! Her heart dropped and her phone almost dropped along with it as she saw the notification flare brightly across the screen. Hands shaking, she opens the message.
xxx-xxx-xxxx
Violet, can we please talk?
Vi really should've blocked her fucking number.