Chapter Text
****
Waiting was unbearable. It had been hours of switching between sitting in one of the chairs or laying on the floor. Hours with few updates on his status other than “He’s still sleeping. Vitals are stable for now.”
Vaggie, Husk, and Angel did their best to support Charlie through it all, offering shoulders to cry on and hugs to give.
Going into the sixth hour of being in the private hospital waiting room, one of the nurses came out and announced, “He’s waking up if you’d like to go in.”
Knowing that Alastor was still deeply in mourning on his own, Charlie stood up, clenched her hands into fists at her sides, and bore an expression of serious resolve. As Lucifer’s daughter, she felt and knew it was her duty to be the one to deliver the news in Alastor’s absence.
The room had been kept intentionally dim to provide a soothing ambience for whenever Lucifer awoke. As Charlie stepped closer to the bed, she could see his eyes were only halfway open, still very much carrying the appearance of someone who was exhausted beyond all comprehension and ready to fall asleep again at any moment.
“Hey dad,” she whispered and took a seat in the chair at his bedside.
Allowing his tired eyes to focus on his company, Lucifer smiled and murmured, “Hey sweetie. I’m so happy to see you.”
Taking the hand that didn’t have the IV needle stuck in the top of it, she asked, “How are you feeling? I hope you’ve been able to get some good rest!” she finished with a nervous giggle.
“Yeah. I think they got me well drugged,” he joked with a smile. He glanced at his other arm that had another needle in it and added, “Hooked me up with morphine. I can see why people like the stuff.”
“I’m really glad you’re okay. It was scary. You lost so much blood….”
“Luckily or unluckily for me, I can’t be killed very easily,” he replied with a sly smile.
“Heh heh, yeah!”
“Where’s Elsie? And Alastor? I’d love to see them.”
It was only now that Charlie felt her nerves skyrocket and her throat close up. This was it – the moment she was dreading and had no clue what to say.
“Well….” she began carefully, “it was a rough labor, as you know.”
“The worst,” Lucifer agreed. “I’m so glad your mother didn’t have to endure one like that with you.”
“Oh, that’s good! I mean, I hate that you had to go through it, but….”
She knew she was stalling. It was all she could do to keep herself from breaking down.
Taking a deep breath and lightly patting the top of his hand, she said, “Dad….Alastor has Elsie right now.”
“Oh good! Can they come in? Or is she sleeping?”
Tears sprang to Charlie’s eyes. “Yeah, she’s, um, sleeping.”
Seeing her eyes glisten, Lucifer asked in a tone that revealed his dread. “Did something happen? Is something wrong?”
“….Alastor has her because….because she never woke up,” Charlie finished with a struggle. The obvious confusion written on Lucifer’s face forced her to elaborate bluntly, “She didn’t survive. By the time they could pull her from you, she was already gone.” Watching the tears swell rapidly in her father’s eyes, she breathed, “I’m so sorry, dad.”
----****----
….Seven months ago….
“’Hey, Al. Remember that one time when we wanted to be adventurous and try something new? Well, guess what?! We’re gonna be reminded of it forever now!’ No, that makes it sound bad. How about, ‘Hey Al! Remember when we first met and you threw it in my face how Charlie could call you dad too? Now you get an actual kid of your own!’ Ugh, no, that one sucks too!”
Lucifer sighed, took a seat on the bench in the garden behind the house, and rested his head in his hands.
“Why can’t I just say, ‘Al….I’m pregnant’?”
Because I’m scared shitless. How the fuck was I supposed to know I could get knocked up?! The ONE time we fool around and want to see what it’d feel like if I shapeshifted to have female junk, I get pregnant.
“Judging by your expression, should I sit down as well for whatever this news is?”
Lucifer’s head snapped up at the sound of Alastor’s voice and he jumped to his feet. Putting on a big, nervous grin, he assured, “It’s nothing serious, I swear! I mean, I guess it kind of is because it could change things a LOT, but it’s not bad. Although, maybe you’d think it’s bad. Me?” He laughed uneasily and admitted, “Could be a bit of both! Except, it could-”
Alastor smiled amusedly and took Lucifer gently by the shoulders, eased him back down to sit on the bench, and encouraged, “Deep breath, my dear.” They took one together, and once they slowly exhaled, he asked, “Now, tell me what has got you in such a tizzy.”
Lucifer glanced away, unable to look Alastor in the eyes, and swallowed. There was a slight pause as he mustered the courage and willed the words to come. “Al….I’m….I’m pregnant.”
Even without seeing Alastor’s face, he knew the radio demon was staring at him in total shock.
Deciding to get ahead of all the questions, he explained, “You know how we thought it’d be fun and kinky for me to shapeshift so we could find out if sex felt better with female parts? Well, wouldn’t you know! It was enough to make a kid, even though I’ve been back to my normal body ever since.” Stealing a peek at Alastor, he grew worried from how Alastor was now staring at the ground. “I can get rid of it!” he offered hastily, taking Alastor’s hands in his to hold as if pleading with him not to leave him. “Whatever you want! You just say the word and POOF! Gone! Whatever will make you happy!....I’m….sorry. This is a lot. If I’d known this could happen, I wouldn’t-”
Alastor squeezed his hands, and Lucifer got the hint to stop talking.
“This is….quite the surprise!” Alastor admitted, and Lucifer was relieved to hear the lightheartedness in his tone rather than ridicule. “May I ask you something?”
Lucifer nodded eagerly. “Yeah yeah! Of course! Anything!”
“Do you want to abort it?”
Lucifer’s mouth fell open, clearly stunned by the question. “Well, I….I, um….I haven’t given much thought to it, honestly. I just….don’t want this to ruin things between us and was afraid this might cause unnecessary stress. I haven’t felt this close to someone since Lilith, and….I just don’t want to fuck it up,” he ended in a whisper.
“You’d be surprised what I can put up with and not consider things ruined,” Alastor assured with a smile, causing Lucifer to reflect the gesture back at him. “As you know, my pathetic excuse for a father was never much of one to me. It’s funny how I have the opportunity now in my afterlife to correct that for a child of my own. I would be honored if you went through with having it, as long as it’s what you desire as well.”
Lucifer stared at Alastor for a moment before tears welled in his eyes. With an overjoyed grin, a chuckle, and a nod, he said excitedly, “Yes! Let’s fucking do this! Charlie is going to be ecstatic when she learns she’s going to be a big sister!”
****
….Present….
There was a lamp in the far corner of the room that was turned on low, just bright enough for Alastor to discern that Lucifer was awake. His head was turned to face the wall, his eyes staring unblinkingly at it, and Alastor had never seen him so physically depleted and emotionally empty. He was grateful Charlie had been the one to break the news to her father; even now, despite it being hours later after the death of their daughter, he knew he wouldn’t be able to say the words.
“Luci?” he voiced softly as he crossed over to him.
Instead of taking a seat in the chair beside the bed, he opted for sitting on the bed itself to be as close as possible to his partner. Lucifer’s hand was limp when he took it in his to hold, and there was no reaction when he affectionately caressed his cheek.
“It’s a relief to see you awake. I was worried….” He stopped himself from finishing the sentence; he couldn’t bring himself to vocalize the fear he’d had of losing Lucifer too. “Have you eaten? Or perhaps a drink? Anything I can get you, darling?”
No response, not even a blink.
“Lucifer?….” Alastor bit his now quivering lip and fought to keep himself from crying. “Please talk to me….Please look at me.”
There was no indication Lucifer heard the heartbroken, whispered pleas.
A couple of tears raced down Alastor’s cheek as the silence swallowed him. He’d expected Lucifer to be an absolute wreck – which he was – but openly and visibly so; this current state of disassociation and detachment was something he couldn’t have, and wasn’t, prepared for.
Pausing to take a deep breath, he hoped his next statements would illicit some type of reaction from the other man.
“I was told you haven’t had the chance to see her yet. Would you like me to-”
“No.”
The word was almost inaudible; it had Alastor wondering if he imagined it. “Pardon? Did you-”
“No,” Lucifer repeated. His voice was extremely weak and hoarse, but it had just enough more strength to it this time for Alastor to hear him clearly.
Alastor felt his stomach drop in shock; it was unfathomable to him that Lucifer wouldn’t want to see the child he’d carried, loved, and gave birth to after nine long months. “No?” Realizing Lucifer probably needed more rest before holding her, he agreed, “You’re right, I’m sorry. You should be focusing on recovery for now, and then-”
“Al, stop. Enough,” Lucifer whispered exasperatedly.
“Luci-”
“I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hold it. Do whatever you want with it. Just leave me out of it.”
Alastor felt his heart shattering all over again. He stared at his lover with wide eyes, refusing to believe Lucifer was referring to their baby girl as “it” instead of “her” – as if erasing her from ever existing.
Feeling his face flush from the sudden rush of anger, Alastor said firmly, “Elsie.”
The sound of her name jarred Lucifer enough to turn his head and look at Alastor for the first time.
Alastor blinked, allowing a few tears to fall, and asserted, “Her name is Elsie.”
The all-too familiar symptoms of a significant panic attack, combined with profound rage, erupted inside of Lucifer, and it manifested outwardly with the appearance of his horns and his eyes changing colors. Even with this blatant warning to tread very carefully with his next words, Alastor refused to back down.
“Get out,” Lucifer growled menacingly.
“She’s our daughter and she’s beautiful,” Alastor went on boldly.
“OUT.”
“We gave her a name, and you can’t deny her existence.”
“GET OUT!” Lucifer shouted as he devolved into hysterics. Alastor dodged a fireball aimed directly at him and continued to avoid them as he made his way toward the door. With Lucifer repeatedly screaming the words and setting the room on fire, it didn’t take long at all for a slew of nurses to race in to both calm Lucifer down and put out the flames.
At the sight of Alastor coming out into the waiting room, Charlie rushed to him and anxiously asked, “Are you okay?! What happened?! Is he okay?!”
Alastor could feel himself shaking now, yet forced his traditional smile and said, “I’m alright, my dear. Think I’ll return to the hotel and get some shut eye. Are you staying here?”
Charlie nodded. “I don’t want to leave him alone. I’ll let you know if anything happens.” Without a second thought, she threw her arms around him and murmured, “Please take care of yourself, Alastor. I’m so sorry.”
Despite being initially stunned by the gesture, Alastor returned the hug after brief hesitation, welcoming and accepting the comfort. “Thank you. Please do the same for yourself.”