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Tony grumbled as someone nudged him.
"Tony," Stephen's voice was gentle. "You're going to be entirely too sore tomorrow morning if we don't move you to the bed."
Stephen. Tony forced his eyes open, blearily. "How late?" he asked, straightening in the armchair he'd been reading in, waiting for Stephen. But it was yet another late night after too many late nights and Tony was getting too old to not get any sleep.
"Almost 3:00," Stephen said, guilt in his voice. "I'm sorry. One of the apprentices got themselves stuck invisible and it took longer than we thought to fix."
"Happens," Tony said. Well, minus the getting stuck invisible, that was pretty rare. He shook himself, trying to wake up. "I'm wake." He yawned halfway through the words, entirely failing to support his point. "Tell me about your day."
Stephen shook his head. "Tony, we can talk about it tomorrow, okay? You need sleep. We both do."
Frustration bubbled in Tony's chest. Because they wouldn't talk about it, tomorrow. "I have that physics conference in Austria this week," he reminded Stephen, tone coming out a little sharp. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I won't be back until Sunday."
And when Tony got back, then something would happen and Stephen would be gone for days, and then they'd finally have an evening together but there'd be an Avengers' mission that would interrupt the whole thing and it'd be weeks if not months before they actually had a chance to spend time with each other that didn't involve falling into bed and falling asleep immediately.
That was how the last two months had gone, after all.
And sure, they stole time together, but it was almost always a few hours in the middle of the night, because for some reason that was the only time they could find for each other and Tony hated it. He tried to tell himself that this was just a phase—it had to be—but if it was, he had no idea when it was going to end.
"I said I was sorry," Stephen defended. "I know tonight was supposed to be date night. But I can't just ignore it when I'm needed."
"I said it was fine!" Tony snapped. "I just want to hear about your day. Actually talk to you. But if you want to go to bed…"
"That's not fair," Stephen protested. "Tony, it's 3:00 in the morning, I'm exhausted. I forgot that your conference was tomorrow. But if you're really leaving tomorrow, then, yes, we can talk now."
Tony pushed himself out of his chair. "No. Whatever. It's 3:00 in the morning. Let's just sleep."
"Tony—" Stephen protested. "Don't be like this."
"Don't be like this?" Tony asked, frustrated. "Don't be like what? Disappointed? Frustrated?"
"Angry," Stephen said. "I'm not the only one who has missed date night the last little bit. You—"
"I know!" Tony said. "It's not your fault or my fault, it's just the fact that…" He groaned, shoulders slumping. "Nothing is working anymore. We both live busy lives that don't really allow for 'days off' when we want them and it feels like it's been months since I've actually managed more than a five minute conversation with you. I thought it was bad when I was a superhero and you were a top neurosurgeon, but somehow we've gotten worse and…" He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "I just feel like I'm losing you."
"You're not losing me," Stephen said. He took an aborted step forward before shifting back again. Once upon a time Stephen might have pulled Tony into a soft, careful embrace so they could hold each other. Tony wished he had again, but the tension in the air between them made it feel impossible to ask for or to give. “Tony, these sort of months happen,” Stephen continued. “We'll get through them; we always have. Things will slow down, and we can go on an actual date, where we'll manage to eat a full meal before something goes up in flames and needs us to step in."
Tony huffed a laugh. "Is that what we're aspiring to, now?" he asked. "A full meal? Is that our version of success?"
Stephen shrugged. "Baby steps. And you're right, it's been too long since we've been able to actually talk. We don't need to rush to bed, it's—"
"No, you were right. It's 3:00 in the morning, we're both tired. I have an early morning tomorrow and Wong will no doubt need you bright and early for something or other and it doesn't even matter, not—"
"Don't say that," Stephen said. "Don't say it doesn't matter."
Because it did. It did and they both knew it, but they were both tired and Tony had already almost started a fight once. The only reason, Tony suspected, it hadn't turned into an actual argument was because Tony and Stephen were both too tired for it.
"I don't know what to do," Tony admitted. "And right now I'm too tired to be anything more than frustrated by it all." And angry and disappointed and a little desolate, because Tony felt like he was losing something—losing Stephen—and he hated the thought of that.
"Then we'll sleep," Stephen said. "And then… tomorrow—" He grimaced. "Sunday, we'll talk."
Tony wished he felt more reassured, but it wasn't the first time they'd promised to talk, wasn't the first time they'd tried to schedule a time, and he was just starting to think that… maybe they never would. Maybe they'd spend the rest of forever stealing time sleeping next to each other and maybe having the sporadic breakfast where one of them didn't need to run off early.
It was just a phase, Tony told himself. Soon things would slow down again, they'd be able to spend time with each other again. They'd been through phases like this before. They were both busy, they had both always been busy. Now was just busier than normal.
They made it to bed and for a moment they both lay stiff as a board beside each other, the tension and frustration still palpable. But this was, somehow, all they seemed to ever have, and Tony didn't want to lose this, too. He shifted carefully, moving closer to Stephen and slipping his arm over Stephen's waist.
Stephen let out a relieved sigh and they got comfortable together.
"I do love you," Stephen said, voice quiet, tender. "We'll figure this out."
"I love you, too," Tony said, and he meant it. "Now, go to sleep."
-_-
Stephen didn't stir to the alarm when Tony woke up. Tony watched him sleep for a moment, wanting to wake him up, wanting a good morning kiss and maybe a cup of coffee together before Tony headed out. But Stephen only slept through the alarm when he was both utterly exhausted and didn't have anything he needed to prepare for.
Stephen's internal voice would wake him up immediately if he had something he needed to do, no matter how tired Stephen was.
So Tony pressed a kiss to Stephen's temple before climbing out of bed and getting ready as quietly as he could. Stephen was still out like a light when Tony finished and Tony accepted that he wouldn't be seeing Stephen before he headed out.
Sunday. They'd talk on Sunday.
-_-
Tony stopped in surprise when he entered his hotel room. Stephen was asleep in the lounge chair facing the door. "Stephen?" he asked.
Stephen startled, waking up. "Tony! You were later than I thought you'd be." He glanced at his watch. "I had an idea. And I wanted to talk about it in person instead of try to text."
"I was out for drinks with some of my fellow conference attendees," Tony said. "If I'd known you were here I'd have skipped."
Stephen waved a hand to indicate it was fine. "I didn't tell you. But my idea."
Tony arched an eyebrow. "It must be a good one, if you didn't want to wait until Sunday."
A wry smile crossed Stephen's lips. "Well, admittedly, I was hoping if I got you on board, that you'd be willing to do some of the initial research required so we can get started on Sunday. Knowing us, it’s already going to take quite a while.”
Research? Tony tried to figure out what Stephen could possibly mean before accepting he had no idea. "Research for what?"
"To enter the astral plane." Stephen smiled a little. "We haven't had time for each other, and I do think that things will calm down, go back closer to normal and we'll be able to have regular date nights again, actually talk for longer than ten minutes, that sort of thing. But until then… on days where we don't have the time we want, we can at least spend time together in the astral plane while our bodies get most of the sleep they need." Stephen looked a little wry. "We can't do it every night or even all night, because it really isn't a full substitution for sleep, but it does provide some of the same benefits and cuts down on the amount of time actually sleeping we need, so we won’t be cultivating unhealthy patterns.” He looked at Tony hopefully, eyes wide. "What do you think?"
Tony stared at him, something warm twisting in his chest. Stephen really did want to fix this. Really did want to spend time together. Tony had known, of course, but seeing a plan being put into action made it feel so much more potent. "I think you're brilliant," he said. "Absolutely brilliant."
Stephen's smile went bright. "Good." He opened a small portal and pulled out a small pile of books. "I collected—" paused, "well, I didn’t have time, so I had one of my masters who owed me a favor collect, the primers for understanding the astral plane as well as some other background I thought you might appreciate. Three of them are in English, but the other two are in Latin, which—"
"I've been working on it," Tony said. "I can handle Latin and Sanskrit now." He might have rubbed it in Natasha's face that he now spoke just as good of Latin as she did. They'd taken to taunting each other in Latin during training and it was driving Steve crazy.
"Good," Stephen said. "I told you it would come in handy."
"I mean, I was satisfied with just driving Steve to the brink of his sanity with Natasha's help, but this seems like a good bonus."
Stephen's lip twitched up in amusement. "I don't think you've mentioned that. How is Latin helping you drive Steve to the brink of his sanity?"
"Clearly you'll just have to wait until I learn how to make it into the astral plane, unless…" He arched an eyebrow in question. Did Stephen have time right now?
Stephen glanced at his watch again and the grimaced. "Sunday," he said. "We'll start your lessons and you can tell me about your newest attempts to drive your teammates to the brink."
"I will be an incredible student," Tony promised. "Best you'll ever have." He paused. "But only for this one thing."
Stephen laughed. "I believe you." He crossed the space and pressed a kiss to Tony's lips.
Tony smiled into it, feeling warmth twist in his chest. He loved this man so much. The kiss didn't last as long as he'd like—they never did these days, with the way things had gotten so busy—but it was still perfect.
"I need to go," Stephen said regretfully. "I had to mope at Wong to get a little time off to come find you."
"Next time tell me you're here and I'll come back to the hotel," Tony told him.
"I know you enjoy your physicist drinking evenings," Stephen said. "A good physics conference deserves to be enjoyed."
"Next time—"
"But next time I'll tell you," Stephen agreed. "Now—" He leaned in for another kiss. "—I really do need to go."
Tony watched him step through a portal and disappear, stealing some of the energy in the room as the portal shut behind him.
The astral plane.
Tony turned to the books, the warmth brightening in his chest again. He'd always looked at magic in a sense of trying to best support Stephen. They had all sorts of goals that Stephen wanted to pursue—not that they'd ever had time for any of it—that Tony was all for helping figure out. Experimentation was experimentation, and magic was maybe not quite as cool as science, but Tony figured it'd be fun regardless.
But this… this was the first time Tony wanted to learn anything in the realm of magic for himself. Pepper and Rhodey would probably roll their eyes at the thought that Tony was trying to get out of sleeping, but as on-point as that would be, it had nothing to do with it. He just… he wanted more time with Stephen.
And maybe now he could have it.
He wanted to dive into the books now, but Doctor Miller had asked Tony if he'd be willing to review her research and Tony had promised to have thoughts for her when they met for lunch tomorrow.
Still, the books tempted him.
He forced himself to look over Doctor Miller's research into 'seeing' the fourth dimension. It was fascinating, and Tony made notes as he went. Doctor Miller was a brilliant woman, there was no doubt about that.
He spent enough time with it that he'd be able to converse with her tomorrow and determine if there was a route in the future where they could collaborate before turning to the books Stephen had brought him to teach him how to enter the astral plane.
Tony had told Stephen that Tony would be an incredible student. The best ever. He planned on proving himself right.
-_-
There was a message on his phone when he got back to New York from Stephen telling him he was running late. Tony settled in their sitting room and continued studying. Stephen had better be in awe of him, because he'd meditated. By himself. Without complaining… much.
He was in the middle of his messy attempts at meditation when a hand ran through his hair gently.
Tony blinked tilting his head back and smiling at his husband. "I was worried you were going to be really late." He glanced at his watch. "It's only been forty-five minutes. That's practically on time."
"I think that says a lot about how things have been going that forty-five minutes late is on time for us," Stephen said wryly. "But I see you've been meditating."
"It was suggested," Tony pointed out. "And I said I was going to blow your mind. Well, this is is step one."
Stephen settled on the ground next to him, leaning over to kiss him. Tony smiled into it.
"All right, let's see how this goes," Stephen said. "Tell me what you've learned. Then I'll give you a preview of what it feels like to be outside your body—" mischief glinted in his eyes, "—and then we can start teaching you how to leave your body on your own."
Tony leaned back against the front of the couch from his spot on the ground; Stephen leaned next to him so that they were shoulder to shoulder. "All right, so, astral plane," Tony started. "Does not, actually, have a scientific explanation for it." He considered. "Yet."
"Not science, Tony," Stephen laughed. "Magic."
"They are connected," Tony said. "One of these days, you and I are going to combine forces and figure out just where these two disciplines intersect. You're like the ultimate sorcerer—" Stephen rolled his eyes, but looked pleased, "—and not to brag—" except he was totally bragging, "—but I'm a pretty damn fine scientist. If anyone was going to figure it out, it'd be us."
Stephen rolled his eyes. "Tony, we can barely manage date night, when are we going to manage that?"
Fair point. Ish. "That's why we're trying to teach me how to use my astral form," Tony pointed out. "So we can manage date nights again."
"Just get back to the point," Stephen said. "What have you learned about the astral plane and your astral form?"
Tony hummed. "Astral form is not just soul, which I kind of thought it was, but it's soul mixed with pure energy which, not to drag on your books, none of them explained where that energy was coming from. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, so—"
"Tony, it's not science."
Tony made a face at him, because that was supposed to be a constant law of the universe and he did not like the sound that it might not be. "Anyway, the astral form is the soul infused with energy, which I figured was because the soul probably is sustained by the body, most of the time, so it still needs something to sustain it when separated and that’s the role energy plays. Which, does make me wonder if you try to move into the astral plane without properly energizing the form, will you accidentally kill yourself or something?"
"You won't be able to separate at all," Stephen said. "But that's not likely to be your hang up. Despite what Wong says, using your astral form is a mostly safe practice. Infusing soul with energy is… I won't say easy, but it's instinctive. In some ways the natural universe is full of spare, floating energy and it's instinctive to harvest it, almost like breathing. Just energy instead of oxygen."
Good to know. "So what is likely to be my hang up?" Tony asked.
"Logic, practicality, common sense." Stephen shrugged. "All those things that tell you that your soul—which I'm proud of you for acknowledging exists—either belongs in your body or isn't a separate thing at all. If you can't genuinely conceive of the separation, then you won't be able to achieve it."
Tony grimaced. Yeah, he could see how that might make things difficult. "All right, so… how do I start?"
"Like this." Stephen twisted sharply, hand coming up and then hitting firmly in the center of Tony's chest. Tony flew back, his world going gray for a moment in what he realized a second later was him flying through the couch.
"What the hell!?" Tony blinked as the world became normal again. Well, somewhat normal, given that he was standing about five feet behind his body where it was slumped against the front of the couch. A moment later, Stephen slumped next to him and then Stephen's astral form was appearing, looking irretrievably smug.
"Here you go. I know you like having evidence. So I thought I'd provide. Your soul is completely capable of existing outside your body."
Tony glared. "Was that really necessary? You couldn't have warned me?" He waved his arms in the air, considering the subtle difference of not feeling air brush past. Even in a still room, he could normally feel the shift of air. But there was no sensation.
Fascinating.
He waved his hand through the couch, concentrating hard to see if he'd be able to feel any sort of sensation by doing so.
"Could this count as sensory deprivation?" Tony asked. "At least of touch," he added, since he could quite clearly hear and see, still.
"If you're talented enough—or desperate enough—you can affect objects. It's not quite the normal sense of touch, but it's still rather distinctive. I imagine it could be quite anchoring if you’d been without touch for too long.”
Tony nodded. He focused on his astral form again. He looked like himself, as far as he could tell, though he couldn't exactly check in a mirror even if there had been one in the room. Was it a matter of his soul manifesting in the way he saw himself? Or was it like jello, maintaining the shape and form of the container—his body—that it had just been in?
So many questions.
"Okay," he agreed after a minute. "I can exist outside of my body. The evidence is pretty compelling. You have provided excellent proof." And it really did help. Now that he knew quite clearly that his soul could separate from his body, he suspected he'd be able to work his mind around the rest of it. "Even if you were a jerk about it."
Stephen just smirked.
"Anyway, let's go—"
His phone went off, the familiar alarm that meant that the Avengers had an emergency. It wasn't the 'move now' alarm, merely the 'potentially dangerous situation' alarm. He sighed.
"I'll put you back in your body," Stephen said. "Hopefully, I'll see you tonight?"
"Hopefully," Tony said, though he was doubtful. "Otherwise?"
"I'll be back by Thursday," Stephen said. "But Kamar-Taj is hosting a diplomatic affair between dimensions Tuesday and Wednesday and tomorrow will be all the last-minute prep."
This was just further example of their need to figure this out. If all they could steal was nights with each other… then they'd figure out how to make those nights as full as possible.
For now, though, duty called.
-_-
"So," Tony said. "It's only been four months…"
"Don't exaggerate, Tony," Stephen said. "It's been three months and three weeks."
Tony rolled his eyes, shoving at Stephen who swayed away with the touch then came back. "You're an idiot," he informed Stephen. "But, I think I've finally got it." He'd have learned faster, he was pretty sure, if they'd been able to have lessons and practice more often than once every week and a half. "So… what do you say to date night tonight?"
"I won't be home until after midnight," Stephen said.
"Good thing we can astral date, now," Tony said, smiling.
Stephen smiled at him. "Date night sounds perfect."