Chapter 1: The New Hire
Chapter Text
The man who stood before Arthur and his father in one of the many meeting rooms of Albion Enterprises LTD was nothing like Arthur had expected.
Sharp cheekbones and shaggy, slightly curling black hair. Night-blue eyes and thick lips. Lanky build and starkly pale skin. He was striking, in a way. However, Arthur told himself he wasn't attracted to him. Arthur was not into men, but he would have been impressed if he had been.
The new man’s outfit was also a surprise. At Albion Enterprises, formal or business casual was the way of the world. Arthur had never seen an employee wear jeans or an infinity scarf.
The new man also seemed to have a silver bracelet around one hand. A familiar one, medical, like Morgana had.
Arthur looked over at his father and saw him frowning. That was never a good sign. Arthur looked back at the unusual man and found himself hoping that his father did not unleash his temper on him.
The man’s demeanor was also nothing like Arthur had ever seen before. He stood across the table from them, making direct eye contact with Uther, while his posture remained nonchalant and slightly slouched. His gaze was not respectful or awed; it bordered on defiant, as if he knew just how little Uther wanted him around.
The words dripped from Uther’s mouth like poison. “You are here because we need you here to fight the allegations, Merlin Emrys. Not because we actually value your opinion.” He glared at his new employee.
Arthur cut in: “Father, it might be good to listen to some of what he has to say, if only to reassure people that we are trying to change.”
Merlin’s gaze flicked from Uther to Arthur as if to try and read him. From the look on his face, he was not impressed.
Uther raged, “I will not let what your sister said in her book about our environmental policies dictate the fate of this company! When I took over, we were nearly bankrupt. I brought this back; I know how to run a business!”
It was a familiar rant. While Arthur kept in secret contact with Morgana, Uther had fully forsaken her and would never forgive her for what she had written or for being with another woman and not continuing his bloodline.
“Well, that explains why you hired someone my age, I suppose.” Merlin shrugged. “I don’t particularly want to be here either, given that it seems I’ll have nothing to do and am some sort of trophy for you to show off to the public. You’re lucky I’m so agreeable!”
The smile he gave them made Arthur's pulse quicken in anticipation of the response it would get. It screamed defiance and sass. He had never heard someone talk to his father that way. The closest anyone had ever gotten to it was Morgana in one of her rages. Despite himself and despite the rudeness, Arthur was almost impressed.
Uther, however, looked furious. “You will be respectful, boy!”
“Sorry,” Merlin apologized. “I never really learned to hold my tongue. I’m lucky you need me, as you said.” He took a deep breath. “If you are willing to listen to me, I can help you improve your company's image. Being better environmentally can be a boon to both your business and the world.”
Uther regained his calm. “If you manage to come up with some suggestions for change that have no downsides to profit in the slightest for any amount of time, I might be willing to answer… Otherwise, as you seem so keen to have something to do, you will serve as Arthur’s PA. As he doesn't seem to be good at keeping one.”
“Father!” Arthur did not want this man as his PA. He didn’t want this man under him at all. The man practically screamed trouble no matter how good-looking he was; now, he was Arthur’s responsibility!
Merlin looked about as thrilled as Arthur felt. Arthur half expected him to walk out then and there, but surprisingly, Merlin did nothing of the sort. Instead, he gave a long-suffering sigh. “Right. Fine.”
Uther left the room without bothering to say goodbye, leaving Arthur and Merlin to face each other.
“Have you ever heard of manners?” Arthur challenged the newcomer.
“Of course I have,” Merlin shot back. “I just normally show them to people who don’t immediately insult and belittle me; just a quirk of mine.” The defiant sass was there again.
The worst part was that Arthur couldn’t argue; that was precisely what his father had done. While Arthur tried to respect the company's employees, his father could be difficult. He was a great CEO, one to admire. He had, as he said, raised the company from near destruction and given jobs to many. Albion Enterprises was one of the most successful companies in Great Britain.
While Arthur expected he might do some things differently when he took over, there was no arguing with what his father had achieved. But his father had also taken his anger out on Merlin. He hadn’t expected someone to be brave or foolish enough to not just take it, especially a young employee around Arthur's age who, as he had shared with Arthur, should be grateful to have such a high-paying job.
“Why didn’t you quit?” Arthur asked.
Merlin shrugged. “Just crazy, I suppose.”
Arthur turned away to hide a bit of a smile. He should not be smiling at this man’s irreverence! “Come on, if you’re to be my PA, you need to know where my office is.”
As Merlin followed him through the office building hallways, Arthur realized he had never told Merlin his name. “I’m Arthur Pendragon, by the way.”
“Yes, I know,” Merlin responded. “Your sister mentioned you in the book. She didn’t say much about you, though.”
That was something Arthur was infinitely grateful for. While Morgana had torn Uther’s environmental policies to shreds while exposing them, she had hardly mentioned anything about Arthur. When he had asked her why, her answer had been, “I know you’ll make changes when you take over. I just couldn't wait that long.”
Arthur had been furious at the time he had asked her, and some of him was still upset. But the part that was truly hard for him was that he understood why she had done what she did. It was a horrible experience, desperately wanting to make his father proud and live up to the standards he set while simultaneously starting to be aware of his mistakes and flaws. Arthur still felt lost most of the time.
Merlin was expecting a response.
“I know,” was the best Arthur could give him. He didn’t see Merlin tilt his head to the side in curiosity. “I still talk to her at times,” Arthur continued.
He didn’t know why he was revealing this and hurriedly tried to cover it up with orders as he opened the door to his office.
“I need you to organize the papers in the corner there. Remind directors of the upcoming meeting mentioned in the calendar, remind the Director of Factory Output that he needs to talk to my father, and tell VP Leon, from my contacts, that I’ll be overjoyed to go to the gym with him at the time he suggested. You can use my second laptop for that. I know you are already in the system and have your badge.” Arthur paused. “Oh, and you need to collect my dry cleaning from Taliesin and Sons and get me some coffee and a latte with cream. Later, you’ll need to get us lunch because I’m going to be too busy today.” Arthur slid a company card over toward Merlin.
Merlin looked at him, almost stunned. And then slightly annoyed. Honestly, one would think he had never been a PA before! Well, perhaps he hadn’t, but it was a relatively simple job. Even an idiot would be able to do it. And Arthur was convinced Merlin was a bit of an idiot, considering how he had talked to his new boss. He was brave, though; Arthur could admire that.
“Ah… I’ll need you to repeat that,” Merlin told him as he looked around the office.
Yup, definitely an idiot.
Merlin stepped inside, examining the mahogany tables, the modern art on the walls, and the multiple computers and Apple devices. Then he moved over to the bookshelf.
As Arthur was about to repeat the list of chores, Merlin interrupted him. “Wait.” He pulled out a book. “This is about the four-day workweek idea.” He looked up at Arthur with inquisitive blue eyes. “And that one's on making sure health and retirement policies are good for all employees.”
For some reason, Arthur felt self-conscious: “I want to try new things and make the company good for our employees. My father won’t approve many of my ideas, but…”
Merlin continued to look at him with curiosity. “Perhaps you’re not as much of a prat as I thought,” he ventured thoughtfully, his hand moving to his chin.
For some reason, probably because he was daft, Arthur was actually excited that Merlin's irreverent attitude extended to him. Usually, people either showed deference and respect or hated him for who his father was. He had never experienced anything like this. It made him happy — not that he would show it.
“You can’t address me like that,” he told Melin.
“Sorry,” Merlin responded, and Arthur's heart fell. But then Merlin continued, “Perhaps you are not as much of a dollophead as I thought.”
“What on earth is a dollophead!?” Arthur tried and failed not to smile. Why was he enjoying this so much? “If you’re going to insult me, at least do it properly.”
Merlin tsked and shook his head. “Rich people must truly be sheltered. Imagine not knowing what a dollophead is! Sad.”
Arthur made a point of pulling out his phone and doing a search. “HMMMM… Look at this: I can’t find any mention of ‘dollophead’. It's not a real insult.”
“Your phone not being as creative as me doesn't mean anything,” Merlin responded, before adding, “dollophead.”
“It has nothing to do with being creative, Merlin . It's not a real insult.”
“I say it is.” Merlin grinned at him. “Now, what were those chores again, dollophead?”
Arthur repeated the list and watched Merlin leave the office. There was something about the new employee... But he couldn't put his finger on it.
Merlin walked through the streets towards a nearby coffee shop, one Arthur had expressly told him NOT to bring him coffee from. He was curious, after all, and not inclined to just do what he was told. If it really was terrible, he would find another. Or perhaps he would buy from it anyway. Arthur would deserve that.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Arthur. Sunlit blond hair, sky-blue eyes, beautiful face, broad shoulders. He was ridiculously, unfairly, handsome.
That made him dangerous. Merlin being so attracted to him made him dangerous, because no matter what happened, even if by some miracle he fell for Merlin, Merlin could not let himself fall in love. Well, more specifically he could never let himself be in a relationship, and falling in love was a risk that could cloud his mind.
There was also the fact that he planned to hack the company and donate to environmental causes, but that was a secondary concern to the all-apparent danger of how attractive Arthur was.
Arthur’s personality was also intriguing. Oh, he was certainly some level of entitled posh prat, just as Merlin had first assumed in that meeting room. The list of chores he had given Merlin without so much as a “please” or “thank you” confirmed that.
But there was another Arthur. He still talked to his estranged sister. He had books in his office that showed he cared about the workers in his company far more than his father did. His words, when confronted about them, even proved the books were not just for show.
Arthur had talked and bantered with Merlin like a normal person. Merlin even found himself wondering if, when he had suggested listening to Merlin's ideas, his concern was not just with appearances like he had claimed. So, who was Arthur Pendragon?
He shouldn’t be thinking about him this much.
Thrusting himself from these thoughts, Merlin checked his blood sugar on his Dexcom app and popped two glucose tablets from the emergency bag he had strapped to his waist. Then he opened the door to the coffee shop he was not supposed to visit.
It was beautiful, well-decorated, and popular, judging by the amount of sold-out baked goods.
Typical rich people being too snooty for a perfectly fine coffee shop.
As he walked in, the barista behind the counter gave him a smile. She was a bit of a beauty with black tumbling hair and dark skin.
“Oh, hello! You’re new!” She greeted him cheerfully. “I’m Gwen, short for Guinevere. What can I get you?”
“I’m Merlin,” he responded, “and it's not for me. I need a medium latte with cream.”
“Coming right up,” Gwen told him cheerfully. "Who is it for? Someone special?”
“No, no, no,” Merlin responded. “My… boss, I suppose?”
As Gwen worked behind the counter, she nodded. “Can I ask who you work for then? You can tell me no if you want. I just enjoy getting to know customers who don’t seem in a hurry.”
Merlin debated telling the woman and, in the end, decided “why not”. “Arthur Pendragon. The coffee's for him. I’m his new PA and the company's environmental adviser.”
The effect this had on Gwen was immediate. She froze midway through adding the cream. “He… he didn’t tell you not to come here?”
Alright , now Merlin was curious. “He did, so I decided to ignore him. Is there something I should know?”
Gwen watched him with large brown eyes. Then she bit her lip for a moment. “Well, I cannot give you this coffee. Just how much of a hurry are you in?”
Intrigued by the mystery, Merlin decided Arthur could wait. “Not much of one.”
Gwen took a deep breath and gestured to a door behind her. “Go in there. I’ll come the moment I can take a break.”
Still impossibly intrigued, Merlin did as the woman instructed.
The room he entered seemed to be a storeroom mixed with some sort of kitchen. A woman turned as he entered. Another beauty, with long, wavy dark hair and mismatched eyes. “The cinnamon rolls are almost do—” She broke off. “Who on earth are you? Why are you back here! Get out!”
Merlin raised both hands. “Gwen told me to come in here until she was done with her shift, after I mentioned working for Arthur Pendragon.”
Realization flooded the woman’s face, which increased Merlin’s curiosity even more. He felt like he had just stumbled upon a big secret! Merlin loved learning secrets. It was what had gotten him started with hacking, when he was just a child with cancer and had nothing else to do but plunge into the deepest mysteries hidden in the Internet.
Just then, Gwen opened the door and stepped inside, wiping her hands on her apron. The other woman immediately walked over to her, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and kissed her cheek.
They were together, then. Merlin was starting to have a sneaking suspicion of what might be going on.
“You can’t bring a coffee cup with our logo into that building.” Gwen began, her voice apologetic. “Uther would be furious if he found out.” She looked at her girlfriend, hesitating.
“I’m Morgana Pendragon,” Morgana told him and gave a reassuring look to Gwen.
Merlin had been starting to suspect that was the case. He took Morgana’s free hand and shook it. “I’m glad to meet you, it was very brave what you did.”
Morgana smiled slightly. “It was necessary.”
Gwen continued to explain the situation. “Morgana and I met back when I worked for Albion Enterprises, a year before I left to start this shop. We fell in love. When she was disowned, working here only made sense. But the shop quickly became blacklisted in Uther’s regard. I don’t know if he knows Morgana works here, but he knows I do and that we are together. Taking one of our cups inside and risking Uther seeing would be a very bad idea for you.”
Morgana’s slight smile turned into a full one. Her green eyes sparkled with mischief. “So get him a cup without a mark on it. I’m quite fond of the idea of Albion Enterprises’ money supporting our business with no one knowing. We can even use our second business name on the card charges. So if they read them they won’t get suspicious”
Gwen looked at Morgana and shook her head. “You just love causing trouble.”
“There won’t be trouble if we never get caught,” Morgana pointed out.
Merlin was with Morgana on this. It was a brilliant idea. “We should do it! It's only fitting after everything he did to you.” He paused for a moment. Morgana was Arthur’s sister, and Gwen had worked for the company for years. “What do you think about Arthur?” Merlin asked.
Morgana spoke first: “He's a better man than his father. One day, he will be a better CEO. The question is, by how much? He could make the business green, encourage fair pay, and implement policies to support employees. It all depends on how much he can pull himself out from Uther’s shadow.”
Merlin listened to her intently. If what she said was true, perhaps Arthur needed a little push. Perhaps Merlin could help with that. “You mean to say he could bring it to the forefront of green business and fair business practices and make a model for others to follow?” he asked. Merlin could see it now. He had never thought he would find any rich business people who actually cared about what mattered. But he liked the idea of Arthur being different. And he could see that he had the potential for it.
The women exchanged looks. “It’s possible,” Gwen confirmed. “He’ll be better than his father at the very least.”
Merlin returned to Arthur with coffee in one hand and dry cleaning in the other. He lay the laundry on a chair and set his bag on another before sliding the coffee across the desk towards Arthur. Arthur, who was frantically typing away at his desktop, looked up to scowl at him. “What took you so long?”
Merlin gave him his best innocent smile. “I was enacting a devious coffee plan.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Well, next time, make sure your plan is quicker.”
“You gave me no timeframe for when you wanted it,” Merlin pointed out.
“I shouldn’t have to!” Arthur countered. His face was full of haughty incredulousness, as if he couldn‘t believe Merlin had not magically known exactly when he wanted chores to be done by.
“Then pardon your lowly servant for not being able to read your mind,” Merlin gave Arthur a mocking bow. ”Oh, and don’t feel the need to say thank you.”
“You’re impossible!” Arthur retorted, then sighed. “When I ask for coffee, I usually want it within an hour.”
“Usually. That helps. Very specific,” Merlin told him flatly, crossing his arms.
“I will tell you if I don’t want it in three hours!”
“And that thank you?” Merlin prodded.
“We’ll see,” Arthur responded before looking back at his computer.
This man was honestly the most annoying, prattish ass Merlin had ever met! Urgh!
Then, Arthur suddenly looked up. “Your bracelet? I saw it earlier. It's a medical one. Anything I should know?” The words were not a demand. They weren’t a sudden fuss. They weren’t even an attempt to know if he would be able to work like a “normal” person. They left things in Merlin’s corner and were honestly the best way he had ever been asked about it. Merlin felt a rush of affection for Arthur, ass though he was.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
Arthur looked up at him, bewildered. “For what?”
“Asking me the way you did,” Merlin told him.
Arthur looked even more confused. “What other way would I ask?”
Another rush of affection surged through him. Perhaps he wasn’t so bad. Merlin found himself opening up.
“I have several health conditions. It feels sometimes like my body realized something is missing and reacted to it. That's my crazy theory, anyway. I have severe asthma and type one diabetes. I’m also severely allergic to shellfish and probably bee stings.”
Arthur did not stare at him like he was a walking timebomb. And Merlin dared to hope he had found someone who would not suddenly change how they interacted with him.
“If you need anything,” Arthur said. “Let me know. I know about severe allergies from my sister, but I don’t have firsthand experience with the others.”
Merlin gestured to the bag he had set on a spare chair by the door. “I usually have what I need to take care of myself in that. Usually.”
“Usually, meaning unless there is an emergency?” Arthur asked.
“Yes,” Merlin confirmed.
Arthur watched him for a long moment and then just nodded before going back to work.
When Arthur left to use the restroom, Merlin took his chance. He moved to his bag and pulled out a newly bought book on sustainable business practices. Of course, he had one of his own, but that was worn, dog-eared and, more importantly, at home. Merlin slid the book onto Arthur's desk and covered it with some papers.
By the time Arthur returned, Merlin was happily typing away at Arthur's second laptop. He sent the messages Arthur had requested quickly. Merlin had studied aspects of business in college the moment he realized he wanted to help them be more sustainable. He had never expected to be a PA, but it was enough to get him through. Or he hoped it would be.
Belatedly, he looked up. “Those messages, none of them were meant to be on Slack and not emailed, right?”
Arthur sighed. “You already sent them as emails, didn't you?”
Merlin gave his best disarming smile and shrugged.
“Next time, you might want to ask me that before you send them all as emails. Just a thought,” Arthur drawled.
“I’ll take that under advisement,” Merlin told him.
Arthur looked over to the clock on the wall and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Right. It seems I cannot trust you to pick up what I asked for for lunch today. Make a reservation at a decent restaurant; perhaps if we go and eat there, they can remember my order even if you don’t.”
There was a hidden meaning in the words, Merlin realized suddenly. Arthur either wanted a break from his work, or wanted to get to know Merlin, or both. Could he be as curious about Merlin as Merlin was about him?
Merlin wanted to get to know Arthur, especially after how he had reacted to Merlin's health conditions. Letting himself get close could be dangerous, but if he controlled himself, surely there could be no harm. They could be friends. He just had to ignore the attraction to the other man. Perfect.
Merlin carefully made an online reservation at his favorite Thai restaurant for two hours from then. He looked up to tell Arthur, then stopped.
Arthur, though hiding the book he was reading behind his laptop, clearly made a motion of turning a page. Merlin’s eyes flicked to the papers where he had left the environmental business book and noticed they had been disturbed.
This was an even quicker result than Merlin had expected!
He then focused on his next, self-appointed, task: hacking Albion Enterprises. It was why he had not walked out after talking with Uther, after all.
The firewall he found was a good one, but it was not even a concern for Merlin. With his hacking skills, if he had wanted to, he could have donated all the business's money and made it go bankrupt.
Merlin didn’t want to. He had long ago decided to use his hacking gifts for good, and so many people needed the jobs they had at Albion. Besides, there was the small matter of Arthur's potential. Part of him suddenly didn’t want to hack the business at all. But it was a very small part of him.
Still, Uther was harming the environment, so a donation from his company to help the environment was very much in order. Oh, Merlin knew what he was doing would get noticed eventually. Making frequent hacked donations like he planned meant starting a war with the company's internal security. But Merlin knew from Morgana’s tell-all book that Uther would be too proud to admit publicly that he was being hacked and try to take back the money. The future promised to be entertaining.
When he was done with the donation, he looked up at the clock. “We should get moving. I made a reservation at Thai Orchid.” Merlin interrupted Arthur's reading.
Arthur nodded to him and stood nonchalantly. “Here, I just found this under the papers. You must have left it there.” He held out the book to Merlin as if he had not just been reading it. Did he really think Merlin had not noticed him reading? Was he trying to play it off?
“Oh, that’s not mine,” Merlin lied.
Arthur met his eyes. Then, his mouth formed the slightest hint of a smile. “Well, we both know it's not mine. How did it get here?”
Merlin gave him a shrug. “No idea. Perhaps you can just leave it where you found it when you’re done with it?”
“What do you mean, done with it? My father would never accept me reading this sort of thing.” Arthur set down the book despite his protests.
Merlin's eyes flicked to the other books on the shelf that he was sure Uther would also not like his son reading, and then back to Arthur. “Then it's probably best you don’t tell him. We should get to lunch.” He changed the subject, not giving Arthur a chance to argue. “You’ll love this place.”
The restaurant Merlin brought Arthur to was not a place Arthur had ever heard of. But that didn't mean much. Arthur had only just started exploring restaurants that were not considered luxury or at the very least high-end. What had started as a dare from Leon had turned into something he actually enjoyed. He still hadn't drummed up the courage to go to Greggs or any other place that was considered “fast food”, however.
Merlin led him inside with confidence and even greeted the workers there. Apparently, he was a regular. Then he looked over his shoulder and gave Arthur a cocky grin. “By the way, this place is my favorite. Glad you’re paying."
Arthur realized Merlin had likely taken advantage of this opportunity to get a free meal at his favorite restaurant and found himself more amused than upset.
As they were led to the table, Arthur took in the decoration: an elephant tapestry on the wall and hanging lanterns. It looked almost like a Chinese place, but not quite.
“I hope you like Thai food,” Merlin told Arthur with a grin as they sat down at a booth.
“I’ve never had it,” Arthur admitted, opening up his menu.
“WHAT!?” Merlin gave him a scandalized look. “You’ve never had the king of all cuisines? You’ve never had THAI!?”
Honestly, if he spoke any louder, the entire restaurant would know of Arthur’s Thailess life. Arthur gave Merlin a warning look, but this did not stop him.
Instead, Merlin leaned forward over the table and grabbed his shoulder in mock sympathy. A tingle rushed through Arthur's body before Merlin let go of him as if stung. Arthur had the startling realization that he had not wanted Merlin to let go of him as Merlin sat opposite him and continued his theatrics.
“I’m so, so sorry! Poor Arthur! Imagine never having had Thai! You may be rich in money, but I now see you are poor in food experiences, the poorest you can be. You have my deepest sympathies.”
He talked like Arthur had just announced he had never eaten anything good-tasting in his life, not that he had missed out on a single type of cuisine.
“Mer lin,” Arthur's tone was low, full of warning.
“Not to worry,” Merlin assured him. “I will enlighten you! I have now exposed you to the true peak of taste. I have rescued you! Poor Arthur.”
Arthur proceeded to grab his napkin and throw it across the table at Merlin. “Keep talking, and I won’t be paying.”
Merlin crossed his arms. “Rude, here I am exposing —”
“Not. Another. Word,” Arthur interrupted.
Merlin just started laughing and pulled up his own menu. His laugh and smile were beautiful. If Arthur had been into men, he might have fallen for him then and there.
“I’ll take the chicken pad see ew, and Tom yum soup,” Arthur told the waitress when she came over. “Low spice level.”
“I’ll take my usual,” Merlin ordered. “Vegetarian Pad Thai with no sugar added, and the peanut salad. Top spice level!”
Arthur noted with interest that Merlin’s meal would be much less food than his.
“Do you want the spring rolls?” The waitress asked.
Merlin nodded. “Two for him and one for me.”
“It should be about half an hour,” the waitress said. “We will come out and warn you 15 minutes before it’s ready.”
Merlin smiled at her. “Thank you!”
She nodded to Merlin and walked off toward the kitchen.
“I should have figured you’d be a vegetarian and a light eater,” Arthur observed as he set down his menu.
“I decided to be a vegetarian very young, after reading that it was good for me and for the environment.” Merlin’s tone was not judging. He continued, “Light eating came later. It's good for my diabetes.” Despite speaking in a matter-of-fact tone he seemed to be watching Arthur hard as he spoke, as if waiting for his reaction.
Arthur understood instantly. His sister had wanted to go through her life normally for the most part, only focusing on her severe nut allergy when necessary. She had even beaten someone up at her boarding school because they had pitied her once. Arthur could still remember the arguments and the trouble. If it were him, he would have hated pity as well.
“Was it hard?” Arthur made sure there was no pity in his tone, only empathy.
Merlin seemed to relax. “A bit, I adapted quickly. My mother had a harder time than I did. She still does, I think.”
“Do you live with your mother, then?” Arthur asked. His own curiosity about Merlin seemed to be never-ending.
“My mother and my uncle,” Merlin told him with a nod. “Though I plan to move out soon.”
“And your father?” Arthur asked.
“Gone.” Merlin’s entire body stiffened. It was a remarkable contrast to his usual demeanor. A spasm of pain crossed his face.
“My mother is gone, too.” Arthur wasn’t sure why he was sharing this, perhaps because of how different Merlin looked right now compared to the cheerful self Arthur had seen so far. “She died when I was born.”
“My father died when I was nine,” Merlin whispered.
“I don’t think my father ever recovered,” Arthur added softly.
“I could see the pain it caused my mother.” Merlin said. They stared at each other for what seemed like ages.
“Anyway….” Merlin began.
“So… Seems like you come here a lot?” Arthur asked.
The grin returned to Merlin's face. “Only anytime I can choose where to dine out. You’ll see why when the food comes.” His hands moved to his lap.
“You know you are giving this food a great deal to live up to,” Arthur warned.
“Oh, I know,” Merlin told him. “If you end up hating it, I’m fully planning to chalk it up to you being spoiled. The food could never be at fault.”
That should not have been endearing; it really should not have been endearing.
The waitress moved to their table. “Fifteen minutes until the food is done, Merlin!”
If Arthur had wondered why she had specifically told Merlin that, he had his answer almost immediately.
On the other side of the booth, Merlin lifted a leg up beside him. Before Arthur could ask what he was doing, Merlin had pulled up a pant leg, and there was the sound of velcro being undone. Merlin lifted up a small machine with a tube attached.
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked.
Merlin did not look away from the small machine and instead pressed several buttons before answering, “I’m stopping myself from dying. Well, that might be slightly exaggerating. I’m making sure I don’t pass out.”
Alarm filled Arthur at the idea of Merlin dying or passing out. A horrible, deep alarm that seemed to squeeze his heart and soul. “What?!” He could hear the panic in his own voice.
“It's my insulin pump.” Merlin looked up, startled by him. “Arthur, calm down. Alright, bad joke. But don’t start treating me differently now.”
Insulin pump, of course, for his diabetes. Arthur could feel himself relaxing. “Well, try not to pass out, will you? And if you have to do it, try not to do it when you’re on the clock.” Try not to do it ever. God, Arthur had only known Merlin for half a day, and he was already – Well, he didn’t know, but he was not feeling normally about him.
“Good,” Merlin told him. “You’re back to your normal prattish self.”
“I’m not a prat,” Arthur crossed his arms.
“Hmmmmm.” Merlin put both hands out and moved them up and down as if they were a scale. “Nope, definitely a prat.”
“You know I’m COO of the company you work for, right? Apparently, that means nothing to you.”
Merlin's playful gaze suddenly turned serious. “It means a lot, actually. Or, more specifically, the fact that you will take over from your father. Because I believe you will change things for the better.”
Arthur suddenly felt hot. Had they turned up the temperature? “I could also run the company into the ground.” He didn’t know why he was admitting this. Why did Merlin feel so safe that he was exposing the tear inside between his desire to make things better and the worry that his father was right and that too much change would ruin the business?
“No, you won't,” Merlin assured him. “I won’t let that happen.”
“Merlin, what are you going to do?” Arthur asked, incredulous.
“Not let it happen,” Merlin told him. He was adamant, his eyes full of certainty. Arthur was not sure how he felt about the level of surety he saw in them.
“Why did you choose to become an environmentalist?” He changed the subject.
“My evil plan to take over the world didn’t work out.” Merlin smiled and then started laughing at his own joke like a dork.
“Yes, my attempts to do that also failed.” Arthur couldn’t help but grin. Somehow, he was smiling more with Merlin in the course of half a day than he had in months. He didn’t feel so alone. This was happening quickly. He was getting attached to Merlin VERY quickly. Was it too quickly?
“The truth is, I’ve always felt connected to nature,” Merlin continued. “I learned to appreciate it while I recovered from cancer especially. I would look out my window and see the new plants of spring and tell myself if they can come back, perhaps I can too. The idea that we are ruining that? I couldn’t handle it.”
“My father says that's a hoax,” Arthur told him.
Anger immediately crossed Merlin's face. “Well, yes, your father would certainly know more from ignoring it than someone who spent years and years studying it would.”
And once again, Merlin was right. Arthur had never really thought about that before, that the people who studied nature for a living would know more than his father did about what they were doing to the environment. Why had he never thought about this before?
As their food was served, Merlin dug into his meal angrily, and Arthur conceded, “Perhaps my father is wrong about this.”
Merlin’s eating became much less aggressive. “What about you?” he asked between bites. “Did you always know you would become CEO after your father?”
Arthur took a bite of his own food. It was as good as Merlin had said! He also spoke between bites: "In school, I had fantasies about becoming an athlete, but it was just a dream. I will take over after my father. I suppose, in a way, I feel I owe it to the employees.”
They continued talking as they ate, swapping stories, laughing, arguing playfully and enjoying each other's company.
Arthur made sure to leave a hefty tip when they got the bill. He turned to Merlin after they exited the restaurant. “I’m going to the gym with Leon during my break. I need you to proofread my reports, sort papers, and fire the reports, before going home. Do you understand?”
Arthur almost grinned at Merlin's put-upon face. “Yes. Yes, I understand!” Merlin told him.
Chapter 2: Very Fond Of You
Chapter Text
That evening, Merlin sat across from his mother and Gaius at the dining table in his home. He would miss this place when he got his own flat. The home he shared with them was roomy, open, and completely unaffordable. The only reason they had this house was that it had been passed down.
“He’s so easy to talk to!” Merlin told them. “Alright, he can be an ass at times, but he reacted perfectly to my health conditions! I thought he would be just like his father, but he’s not.”
His mother gave him a knowing look.
Merlin backtracked immediately in the face of that gaze. “It’s not like that.” He stiffened.
Gaius' eyebrow was in full rise now.
“I don’t have feelings for him!” Merlin insisted a little too loudly.
“You’ve been talking about nothing but him for a very long time,” his mother pointed out. “And very in-depth for someone you’ve known for just a day.”
Merlin could feel his breathing hitch slightly as he realized she was right. He was certainly acting like someone who had feelings for Arthur.
And she was right about the other bit as well. It had been one day, but Merlin felt like he had known Arthur for much longer. In just one day, Arthur had pretty much become a good friend.
Merlin could accept that: being good friends and seeing if they continued as such. It would be fine as long as he didn’t fall for him. Some corner of his mind reminded him that might be unavoidable at this rate. He tried to ignore that part of his mind. If it happened, and it wouldn’t, he would just never act on it.
“Would it be so bad to have feelings for him?” His mother reached out and placed her hand over his.
“It’s not something you can avoid. You can only choose how to act,” Gaius added.
“You’re acting a bit like I did when I first met your father,” Hunith added with a soft smile. “Perhaps it's worth the risk to act on them.”
Merlin's entire body turned to ice. Hide it. Hide it quickly. Smile . “I’ll think about it,” he lied before heading to his room.
“Remember to use the preventative inhaler before bed! And in the morning!” His mother called after him.
She had been reminding him since the attack he had a few weeks ago, as a way of coping. Merlin knew she was still stressed so didn’t mind her reminders. Attacks happened sometimes no matter how often he took his medicine but if it gave his mum comfort to remind him Merlin was happy it helped her.
“I know!” He called back.
Arthur hated how empty the mansion felt without Morgana; he really did. He was not sure how his father could stand it. As they ate dinner that night, it became overwhelming. There was a hole in the room, a lack of presence where Morgana should have been.
Suddenly, Arthur was angry at his father. Perhaps it was the effect of the day. Realizing some of his father's actions were wrong led to him thinking about this one. He tried to rationalize. His father was not an easy man, but a great one — he told himself the familiar mantra. Morgana had pushed him further than he was able to go, and she had known she was doing that! But it didn’t seem to matter.
“Are you ever going to contact her? Morgana?” Arthur asked. “I know what she did. I know you’re angry, but…”
Uther slammed his glass down on the table so hard it shattered. “You are never to mention her name again. She betrayed us! You no longer have a sister.”
“You can’t just pretend she never existed!” Arthur tried again. “Talk to her, change some policies…”
“I can, and I will!” Uther snapped. “I will not be bullied into changing what does not need to be changed. You've made me break one of your mother’s glasses, Arthur! Do not speak of this again.”
The rest of dinner continued in an awkward silence. Arthur kept staring at the broken glass and trying to ignore the Morgana-sized hole in the room, and was relieved when the meal ended. As soon as he got to his room, he fell onto his bed. He had never been more glad for his luxury mattress. He could feel himself relaxing as he sunk into what felt like soft clouds.
Then, with a groan, he sat up abruptly. He had things to do.
Arthur grabbed his laptop. He spent a great deal of time researching Merlin’s conditions and how to help someone with them if there was an emergency. If something happened, Arthur was determined to know how to help.
In the week that followed, Uther absolutely piled Arthur with work. Arthur suspected his father was trying to make it so he didn’t have time to focus on Morgana. It didn’t stop him from spending time getting to know and getting closer to Merlin.
Perhaps it was lack of sleep that made him do it, but Arthur also opened up to Merlin about his home life and, in particular, the latest incident.
“I made him break one of the crystal glasses mother gave him on their 3rd anniversary,” he told Merlin on one particularly exhausting day, as he leaned back in his chair.
“How did you make him break it?” Merlin asked from behind his new desk nearby.
“I tried talking to him about reuniting with my sister. It was a stupid decision. It was never going to work. He was furious, and slammed the glass on the table.”
Merlin frowned, looking at Arthur over the laptop. “It sounds to me like he was the one that broke it. Sure, you made him angry, but he was the one who chose to slam it on the table; that's not on you.”
Arthur took a deep breath. “Oh.” He sounded stupid; he was fully aware of that. “Tell me something more about your life,” he asked Merlin.
“You mean so you don’t feel like the only idiot here?” Merlin clarified.
“Yes; I am thrilled you felt the need to point that out, Merlin, but yes.” Arthur gave him a look.
“I enjoy singing,” Merlin began as he shut his laptop. “It's good for the lungs.” Arthur nodded, wondering where this was going. “It was my turn to cook the other night… and I put on my favorite playlist. I wanted to practice for the karaoke contest at my friends’ club.”
“Oh no,” Arthur could guess where this was going now.
“Well, the songs made me think of things, and I got a little distracted. Then, my asthma started acting up, and I got very distracted. It wasn’t until the smoke alarm went off that I realized what was happening.”
Merlin started laughing. There was a pleading look in his eyes under the humor, however. He wanted Arthur to laugh along, not get hung up on the asthma bit. On what he had done to himself.
Arthur did laugh. He was starting to notice this about Merlin: he had an interesting relationship with his health conditions. He tried to keep things to himself so others would not worry or treat him differently. If he did mention his health, it was often in jokes.
Arthur considered his next words carefully. “You know... It's not bad to be open about your health conditions… About the hardship at times.”
Merlin's look instantly became guarded.
“I mean… Not to everyone! But you should know I won't… Treat you differently? Except if I need to?” He was not sure he was explaining this right, but he continued. “It wouldn't be a burden on me… I mean, you’re not a burden to anyone! People are… lucky to have you. People can help… if needed. If you need it?”
Merlin stared at him. The guarded look was gone, replaced by one of overwhelming emotion.
“Thank you.” His voice was rough. “For saying that.” He looked away. And then, in a very slight voice, Merlin admitted, “I feel like one… sometimes. When I worry people.”
“You’re not,” Arthur told him with absolute certainty. “You're the exact opposite of a burden.”
Merlin looked back at him, seeming to drink in the certainty in his voice.
“Thank you,” he told him. Arthur could see a tear running down Merlin's face.
“So, how many times have you almost burned down your house, just out of curiosity?” Arthur asked. “I noticed you are a walking disaster already, but that's a bit extreme even for you. Remind me never to ask you to cook!”
“It was just this once!” Merlin wiped his eyes and crossed his arms. “I’m a brilliant cook.”
“Until you burn down the house you’re in?” Arthur asked.
“It happened one time, and it didn’t even burn!”
“You just said it set off the smoke alarm!”
“That requires smoke, not fire!” Suddenly, Merlin changed the topic, perhaps because he sensed Arthur very much planned to win the argument this time. It was practically an inevitability if Arthur did say so himself.
“You know what?” Merlin began. “You should come with me to the club for karaoke night in two days! Perhaps we can bring your sister and her girlfriend!”
Merlin suddenly paused and grinned sheepishly, stepping out from behind his desk. “Oh, right, about that. I might be going to their coffee shop daily. It's amazing that if you remove the logo from the cups, no one can tell where they came from. Now I’m going to go do some of the chores you ordered me to do while you get over any hissy fit you plan to throw about the coffee! Bye!”
“MERLIN, YOU…!” Arthur began.
“Bye!” Merlin gave him his most insufferable grin and rushed out the door from the office, laughing.
Arthur started rehearsing in his mind just how he would lecture him, but he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Merlin never knocked.
“Come in?” Arthur called.
Bedivere opened the door and ran a hand through his brown hair. He was the picture of a hassled worker. “Your father has insisted you come to meeting room seven immediately. I need to go find the VPs.”
Arthur's brows knit together as he grabbed his case and followed him out of his office. Weekly meetings between the upper management and all VPs ran on a strict schedule. If his father wanted another meeting for any regular reason, he also scheduled them in advance. The last time there had been a surprise meeting like this was when Morgana’s book came out. Something was wrong. Something had to be wrong.
As Arthur entered meeting room seven and took his place at the long rectangular table, he could see his confusion and worry echoed on the faces of the VPs — all of them except for Lancelot. Did Lancelot know what was going on? If that was the case, it had to do with their Internet security.
Uther entered the room, took his place by Arthur’s side, and locked the door behind him, as always. Anyone who was late would be harshly chastised and perhaps even demoted unless they had a VERY good reason.
“We've been hacked,” his father began. “Lancelot says the person who did it is skilled in a way he has never seen before. They took a chunk of our funds and donated it to an environmental charity. Lancelot also believes that the hacking came from someone inside the company.”
Hacked. That had never happened before. And what kind of hacker would give money to an environmental charity instead of filling their own pockets!?
“How much?” Leon asked.
Uther named a sum that was no minor figure but would not hurt the company either. It was more the concept of it that had his father furious, Arthur could tell.
“As far as I am concerned, everyone is a suspect,” his father announced, scowling, hands locked behind his back. “There is only one employee it cannot be. As much as I would normally suspect them, the Environmental Adviser and Arthur’s PA is in the clear because no one intelligent enough to pull this off would have the stupidity needed to do the hacking on their first day working here. Everyone else is a suspect; I hope I can trust you all to monitor your departments. Anyone who finds the hacker will find themselves with a substantial raise.”
His father kept talking, but Arthur was not listening anymore. His hands fiddled with the latch of his briefcase, opening and closing it.
Arthur knew Merlin now. He had exactly the kind of idiocy and brilliance required to hack the company and do it on his first day working there. Furthermore, he was exactly the kind of person to hack in order to donate and not enrich himself. In fact, the more Arthur thought about it, the more certain he was that the hacker had to be Merlin. The question was what to do about it. He would have to warn him, obviously, but how? Arthur’s eyes flashed to Lancelot. And then to his father.
“Lancelot, I’m guessing you are developing a new firewall?”
“I am,” Lancelot nodded.
That was all Arthur needed to know; the rest of the meeting passed in a blur as he considered the implications. Merlin’s assurance that the company would not run into the ground was because he could hack into other sources of money to keep Albion Enterprises afloat. Arthur wasn’t exactly sure he deserved that kind of dedication from Merlin. More importantly, he had to make sure Merlin didn’t hack to give the company money because that was most definitely even more illegal than hacking the company the way he was already doing. Urgh, that idiot!
After the meeting, Arthur found his way to Lancelot's office. As the head of Cybersecurity, his place was full of computers. Besides that, the only things notable were posters of Lancelot's favorite football teams on the walls.
“I need you to embed something into the code of the firewall and keep it quiet.” Arthur knew Lancelot would tell no one if asked. If there was one thing he was, it was loyal. And he tended to be loyal to Arthur more than Uther.
Unfortunately, Lancelot was also clever. “You think you know who the hacker is.”
“I do,” Arthur told him. “And I can confidently say they will not do anything to bury the company.”
After a long moment, Lancelot nodded. “What do you need me to add, Arthur?”
Arthur began listing his requirements immediately. “There needs to be a message telling them they are in danger, that they need to be more clever about their hacking, that they should give to diverse charities, and that they have nice eyes.”
Lancelot blinked at Arthur. “N-nice eyes?”
Arthur opened and closed his mouth. WHY HAD HE SAID THAT LAST PART? Alright, Merlin did have beautiful eyes. BUT WHY HAD HE ADDED THAT? It sounded like something a lover or someone who had feelings for Merlin would say. And Arthur didn’t. He couldn’t, because he was straight. His father needed him to be straight.
“Yes,” he told Lancelot, feeling his face heating. That's it.” Arthur turned and left the office, screaming internally.
As he walked back to his office, he continued to scream internally. He yanked open the door and crossed over to the bookcase. He needed to do something, anything, to get his mind off this.
A weak, moaning sound broke the silence.
Merlin! That had sounded like Merlin! Arthur followed the sound as his heart started pounding. He moved behind his desk and froze. Merlin sat leaning against the wall. He was covered in sweat and shaking. His eyes were closed. On one side of him, in his hand, lay his glucose meter; in his other hand was a small can of soda. His emergency bag was within reach nearby.
“Merlin!?” Arthur rushed toward him.
Merlin's eyes opened and flicked to Arthur. There was recognition in them. Arthur had never been more relieved to see someone recognize who he was. He knelt down beside Merlin and checked the glucose meter. 51 mg/dL. A level two hypoglycemic Attack. Bad, but not an emergency if Merlin could get things under control. The panic that had risen at the sight of Merlin like this ebbed slightly.
Judging by the meter and the can, Merlin was already treating himself. Arthur remembered reading about the rule of 15: eat fifteen grams of carbohydrates and wait fifteen minutes before trying again. Repeat this until the blood sugar is within a safe range or things worsen. That was what to do right?
“You look horrible,” he told Merlin softly, filling his voice with a calm he did not feel.
“M’ having a hypo,” Merlin told him. “W’ts your excuse?”
Merlin didn’t have hypoglycemia unawareness. And he wasn’t unconscious. Arthur did not have to inject him or call 999 like he had read about.
“Do you want me to do anything?” he asked in the same calm voice.
“N’thing,” Merlin told him. There was an odd sound from his jean pocket. Merlin’s eyes flicked toward it, and he raised the can with a shaking hand, drinking more of the soda.
“That's your 15-minute timer?” Arthur guessed.
Merlin’s response was a low “mmmm-hmmm.” He looked absolutely miserable.
Without thinking and before he could stop himself, Arthur brushed aside some of his sweat-soaked bangs and then took Merlin's free hand into his own.
Merlin’s eyes softened as he watched Arthur, but he did not say anything. They just sat there together. By the time the timer beeped again, Merlin’s sweat was drying, and he was no longer shaking.
“You’re doing better then?” Arthur asked softly.
“I can work tomorrow,” Merlin told him.
“That's not what I asked,” Arthur let go of his hand. “I asked if you’re doing better.” He wanted to punch whoever had made Merlin think he actually needed to reassure Arthur he wouldn’t need a day off after what had just happened.
Merlin searched Arthur's face and then nodded. “Yeah, better.” He reached into his bag and grabbed an apple, which he began to devour quickly. Arthur had read about that too: getting in a more complex carbohydrate after the initial simple sugars during a hypo was a good thing to do.
When Merlin finished the apple, he looked at Arthur again. “Thank you… for how you reacted to this. I… what you said about helping– I’m going to call my mum to drive me home. Can you greet her and bring her to the office? I would do it myself, but I’m knackered.”
Arthur nodded, despite feeling some reluctance to leave Merlin right now. Merlin knew what he needed far better than Arthur did. Still, he had to ask. “We have a room with some beds… if you want to stay the night or nap. I added it in case anyone needed to work long hours. Bedivere also always spends his breaks sleeping, so it just made sense.”
Merlin then shook his head. “I should be at home in case I need anything more in terms of food.”
Of course. Why hadn’t Arthur thought of that? “I’ll wait for your mum.”
Merlin’s mum met Arthur near the back entrance to the building. She had the same coloring as Merlin: black hair and blue eyes. “You must be Arthur,” was the first thing she said. “Please take me to my son. He believes in you greatly, so I trust you do not intend to fire him because of this. It is illegal, but people tend to find excuses to get around that. And you may be a giant corporation, but that does not give you the right to mistreat my son!”
Arthur held the door for Hunith as they entered. “Of course I don’t intend to fire him.” He was beginning to see more resemblance between Merlin and his mother.
The look on Hunith's face softened immediately. She walked into the building with a “Thank you” and nodded approvingly at Arthurs's words. “I’m glad. My son is fond of you.”
“This way.” Arthur led her into the building and up toward his office.
“Very fond of you,” Hunith continued as they made their way back to Merlin. "In fact, his reaction reminds me a great deal of when I met my husband.”
Arthur was not sure exactly what he was supposed to say in response to this latest comment.
“I’m sure you and your husband were great friends.” He realized how stupid the words sounded as they left his mouth. What was with him and saying stupid things today?
Hunith did not say anything else until they reached Arthur's office. Arthur opened the door and immediately heard soft sleeping sounds. Sure enough, as he moved behind the desk, he found Merlin sound asleep with his head leaned back against the wall. Merlin's version of knackered apparently meant ‘about to fall asleep but unwilling to do so even temporarily in an offered bed due to being too stubborn for his own good’.
He looked different when he was sleeping, Arthur noticed. Soft, even more adorable than usual, but with none of the mischief of his awake version.
Arthur didn’t want to wake him. For a moment, he considered attempting to carry him down to his mum’s car; then, he remembered where he was. Anyone might see and get the wrong idea, and then it was only a matter of time before his father got the wrong idea, too.
He turned to Hunith to find her giving him a knowing expression. It made him uncomfortable.
Merlin's mother then looked away, stepped forward, and knelt by her son. She stroked his cheek with a gentle hand. “Merlin… It's time to wake up. You can sleep in the car.” Her voice was soft and tender, and Arthur wondered if his own mother had ever spoken to or touched him like that before she died.
Merlin stirred, opened his eyes, and took a moment to place himself. Hunith stroked his cheek again and then moved to pack up Merlin’s things for him.
Merlin objected immediately. “Mum! I can do that!”
His mum shook her head. “No, you’re going to sit there by the wall and wait.”
To Arthur's sheer amazement, Merlin actually obeyed her.
Mother and son left the building arm in arm.
There had been no more hypos even though there was an increased danger of more after having one. Merlin was happy about that. He was not happy about having a hypo at his workplace. But Arthur! Arthur had somehow responded with more understanding of Merlin than some people he had known many times as long. In fact, Merlin could not think of a way Arthur could have responded better, and best of all, he didn’t even fuss over Merlin when he returned to work the next day. He treated him as he always did. Merlin wondered if Arthur knew how much of a gift he had given Merlin by doing that.
On the downside, Arthur had also smoothed aside Merlin's bangs and held his hand in a way that was more than just friendly. Merlin would have to be more careful; that could not happen again. The problem was that he was drawn in by him. He cared about Arthur—he cared about Arthur in a deep, unfathomable way that made no sense. It was not like they had just met; it was like their souls were meant to know each other.
Merlin had to fight it. He had to. No matter what, he had to.
“Here,” he dumped one of the takeaway bags onto Arthur’s desk a few days later. “You wanted lunch?”
Arthur looked up from his computer which he had been scowling at in concentration. “What is this?”
Slowly, as if Arthur was a small child, Merlin met his eyes, lifted the battered fish out of the bag, and laid the container on the desk. “Fish.” He reached into the bag again, lifted out the chips, and laid them next to the fish. “And chips. You know, normal people food.”
Of course, Merlin was not a normal person, so his own bag was full of a vegetarian non-fried option and vegetables on the side.
“This… This is fast food.” Arthur stared at the meal before him.
Merlin made a show of staring at the meal. “Wait, really!? Somehow, I did not notice that when I was literally ordering at a chippy for you!”
“I’ve never had fast food.” Arthur reached for the fish hesitantly as if afraid they might burn him. Despite this, there was some excitement in his eyes. He looked up at Merlin. “I never said you could get fast food,” he scowled.
Merlin grinned back at him. “You never said I couldn’t.”
Arthur took a deep breath. “Alright, Merlin. This once, I will eat the fast food.” He took a bite of the meal before him as Merlin watched, still grinning. “Alright, perhaps not just this once.” Arthur began to stuff his face.
Merlin proceeded to do the same. He had already given himself the insulin he needed for the meal about fifteen minutes ago.
“Can’t believe you’ve never had fast food,” he commented, scarfing down his vegetables.
“It’s bad for you,” Arthur said defensively.
“Perhaps, but it's cheapish and tastes good. It seems you need me to expose you to more ordinary culture. We’ll call this the beginning of your education.” Merlin nodded. He was looking forward to this.
Arthur snorted. “Do I get to do the same with posh culture?”
Merlin considered for a minute, then gave Arthur his best infuriating smile and a non-answer. “Perhaps.”
There were rich people things Merlin wouldn’t mind experiencing if it really came down to it, but there were also silly things he would want to avoid. If Arthur ever tried to bring him on a golfing trip, he would have to fake his own death. Well, fake an illness.
Before Arthur could reply, he plopped down on a chair and opened what he now considered to be his work laptop. It was time to hack the company again. Once past the various security programs he noticed the firewall was a bit more difficult this time, but hacking it wouldn’t be that hard.
What he was not ready for was the message he found in the coding. The mention of being careful and spreading out the charities he donated to was one thing, but as he continued reading, he suddenly choked.
“Merlin?” Arthur looked up. “Are you alright?”
“Fine,” Merlin assured him. Was this meant for him? It had to be. He had nice eyes? Who? What? Why?
About to ask who designed the firewall, Merlin realized that might appear suspicious. Instead, he just stared at the message before him. Then, he remembered he could just check the company records as his brain started working again. Merlin found his answer reasonably quickly. It was someone called Lancelot.
Merlin had never met them. Why would they compliment his eyes? Was this Lancelot’s idea of a practical joke? That had to be it.
He hacked into the company’s system as he had planned, using his self-made VPN and donated the money to a charity to support transgender teenagers. The advice to spread out what he donated to was actually a good idea. Merlin had planned to make more environmental donations before branching out but he listened to good advice… most of the time.
As soon as he finished, Merlin stood up abruptly, grabbed his bag, and exited the office. It was not hard to track down where Lancelot would be. Albion Enterprises had countless directional signs. After checking at Lancelot's office, (No one answered the door) Merlin stepped into a room filled with computers and watched quietly until he was pretty sure who the boss was. He was a good-looking dark-haired man; not as good-looking as Arthur, but remarkably attractive all the same.
The man looked up, and a curious expression came to his face. “I’m Lancelot Du Lac. Do you need something?”
Merlin realized belatedly that he had not come up with a plausible reason for being here. “I’m inspecting… for faulty plugs.”
Okay, that was stupid! What was a faulty plug? Play stupid, play stupid. “I just read they can cause fires and wanted to make sure there are none. I’m Merlin Emrys, by the way. I work as a PA for Arthur. Well, and an Environmental Adviser, but I haven’t done much of that.”
Lancelot blinked at him. “Faulty plugs don’t cause fires. They just don’t fit into outlets.”
“Really?” Merlin forced relief onto his face. “Well, that's good to hear. I won’t worry about them then. I’ll just be going…”
“Wait,” Lancelot interrupted him. Merlin was getting odd stares from other employees at their computers now.
“You’re his new PA? That can’t be the easiest job. If you ever need a friend, consider me at your disposal.”
Merlin considered. A friend in this company would be a nice thing, and Lancelot seemed a good sort — even if he did pull silly practical jokes.
“Thank you,” Merlin said. He would come down here if Arthur decided to be too much of a prat. That would show him.
Merlin left the room and made his way back up to Arthur’s office. “Where have you been!?” Arthur greeted him with a scowl. “You’ve finished all the tasks I gave you outside the office today!”
“I made a friend,” Merlin told him happily. “I’m going to go talk to him if you annoy me too much; it’s a perfect arrangement.”
Arthur scowled even more.
“Careful, you’re edging on being a prat right now,” Merlin warned.
“Merlin!”
Merlin spent the rest of the day enjoying himself by periodically going down to talk to Lancelot. He turned out to be easy to talk to, and annoying Arthur was just fun.
Finally, on Merlin’s sixth trip to Lancelot, instead of acting like a prat as usual, Arthur burst out, “Lancelot… Do you like him?”
“Of course I like him,” Merlin replied. “He’s my friend.”
“I mean as more than that.” The words came out of Arthur as if every one of them cost great effort.
“No!” he rushed to reassure Arthur. He didn’t know why he was so desperate to reassure him; perhaps it was the barely-concealed struggle of sadness and guilt he now saw behind Arthur's eyes.
“No! Not like that. I enjoy making new friends. So I want to spend time talking to him when you are not working me to death.”
“I hardly work you to death, Merlin.” Arthur looked remarkably happier now, also confused. Why confused?
The answer immediately occurred to Merlin. “Arthur… Do you like men?”
Arthur choked, looking at him wide-eyed. “No! Of course not! I’m straight.”
Arthur was about as straight as a ramen noodle. Merlin’s sense for these things had never failed him. But it seemed Arthur didn’t know yet.
“Why would you ask that!?” Arthur demanded.
“I was just curious.” Merlin sat down, opened his work computer, and pretended to get invested in what he was doing. Arthur was absolutely gay or bisexual. But he did not know it yet.
Merlin would not push him. People found these things out in their own time. Not everyone was like Merlin who had first realized he had feelings for boys at the age of eight and told his mother and uncle that very night.
Somehow, Merlin also suspected Uther would not act in the same way his mother and uncle did. There would be no long discussion and reassurances of love. That was another complication to Arthur realizing his sexual orientation.
Chapter 3: Man After Midnight
Chapter Text
It wasn’t until the next night, as Merlin stared up at the sign of the Rising Sun Club and the flag beside it, that a little problem occurred to him. He reached a hand into the pocket of his pants, pulling out his phone and instinctively checking his blood sugar levels in his Dexcom. They were fine. This plan, on the other hand… Well. Perhaps it would be fine, too… Plenty of straight people went there with friends…
Merlin closed the app. As he started to pace in his somewhat revealing clubwear, Merlin pulled up Arthur's number. “Have you picked up the others?” he texted.
There was no text back, which meant Arthur was likely already driving them there. And he couldn’t warn him over the phone.
Merlin cursed himself for being an idiot. He came here so often just to see his friends, and all the regulars knew not to flirt with him. He could not believe that he had completely overlooked the fact that Gwaine and Percival's club was a queer one. Hadn't he just resolved not to push Arthur? Merlin paced back and forth until the timer on his phone sounded. Time to use his daily inhaler a second time. He pulled it from his bag and inhaled the medicine that usually kept his breathing stable. Slipping the daily inhaler back inside his bag, Merlin went back to pacing and calling himself an idiot.
Soon, Arthur arrived with Gwen and Morgana. Merlin's heart picked up the moment he saw Arthur. He had always seen him in a suit and a tie. Now, he wore a deep v-neck. Merlin barely noticed the girl’s dresses — his eyes were riveted on the exposed V of Arthur’s chest. He could only thank god that his lower chest was still covered. Merlin didn’t know if he would have been able to handle that.
Still, when he finally managed to tear his eyes from Arthur’s chest hair and look up at his face, Merlin's mouth was dry, his hands were sweating, and he was almost questioning his life choices. Almost.
Arthur’s eyes were on the rainbow flag beside the club’s sign.
“You brought us to a gay club?” Arthur’s tone was unreadable.
“I…” Merlin cleared his throat. He could see Gwen and Morgana covering their mouths to stifle laughter.
“I… Yes, yes I did.”
“Merlin, why did you bring us to a gay club?” Arthur asked, his voice deliberately even now.
“I…” Merlin coughed. “My friends run it… I… forgot it was a queer club?”
“How do you forget a place is a queer club!?” Arthur immediately demanded, losing his careful control of his tone.
“It will be fine,” Merlin tried to assure him, cursing his own stupidity yet again. “Just stay near me, and no one will hit on you.” He paused in horrible realization. “Except during the karaoke competition… I have to go up on stage. But other than that…”
“What is it, Arthur? Are you afraid?” Morgana interrupted Merlin's horrible attempts to handle the situation.
Arthur's face set in determination. “Of course not. It's a gay bar, that's fine. This is fine. Let's go.”
Morgana grinned and winked at Merlin as Arthur passed them to be the first inside.
Merlin managed to relax, shooting Morgana a thankful look in return. Of course, that was the way to deal with the situation. He should have known; he would have known if he hadn’t been panicking.
Merlin followed the group inside.
Arthur looked around, examining the club. The walls were covered in glitter, and lights flashed from a dance floor full of same-sex couples. Over in a corner was a stage. The bar itself was made of what looked like glass and lit up from behind.
Merlin immediately rushed up to the bar to greet the two men behind it. “Gwaine! Percival!” He beamed happily.
One of the men was a giant, pretty much made of muscle. The other one was remarkably good-looking, with neck-length brown hair.
“Merlin!” The brown-haired man moved from behind the bar to hug him. Merlin patted him on the back before they separated. Still behind the bar, the giant smiled. “Are you ready for the karaoke finals, Merlin? Wait, who is this?” He turned his gaze in Arthur’s direction.
Merlin reached back and ran a hand down Arthurs’s arm. “This is Arthur Pendragon. I work for him now.”
Arthur's breath caught in his throat. Because the touch was so casual, he told himself. He had never had anyone touch him like that.
Seemingly oblivious to the reaction he caused, Merlin told Percival and Gwaine, ”I’ll have my usual,” and then happily sat at the bar.
Arthur spotted Morgana and Gwen already on the dance floor, arms in the air as they spun and whirled with each other. He sat on the stool next to Merlin, looking around. There was so much to see! Glass stars hanging from the ceiling reflecting light. Small tables that seemed to be made of the same material as the bar. Music coming from an ample-sized speaker in the corner.
When Arthur looked forward again, Gwaine leaned over the bar in front of him. “So what will you have, handsome? I’m Gwaine.” He winked, and Arthur's breath caught in his throat again.
Merlin shoved Gwaine playfully. “No flirting with him.”
“Why?” Gwaine looked between them. “Is he with you? It's about bloody time you found someone, Merlin!”
“NO!” Arthur gripped the bar's edge. “We’re not… We’re not together.”
Gwaine leaned back again. “Then what will you have?” He asked Arthur.
Arthur looked up at the list above the bar. “I’ll have the sloe gin fizz,” he decided before going back to looking around. The number of people in a much smaller space than he was used to was a sight to behold.
His attention was pulled back to the bar by the sound of glass clinking on glass; Percival placed a bowl of popcorn next to the red drink he had just put in front of Merlin. “Your red dragon, and a side of something to eat!”
As Merlin moved to use his insulin pump, Percival walked away to serve another patron. Gwaine was busy mixing Arthur’s drink in the opposite corner.
“You’re diabetic. Are you sure you should be having alcohol?” The man who interrupted had a pointy face and brown hair. His tone was not one of concern. Rather, it had an underlying taunt to it. It was also unnecessarily loud, attracting other patrons' notice.
Arthur felt his fists clench. This man was harassing Merlin on purpose! There was no other explanation for being as loud as he was and waiting until the bar owners were busy.
Merlin didn’t even bother to look up from his pump. “Yes, I’m sure you know what I can handle with my diabetes far more than me, Cedric. I only live with it.”
Arthur gave this Cedric a slightly threatening scowl. “I would advise you to leave him alone.”
Cedric immediately raised both hands. “I'm only trying to help, and this is what I get!”
Merlin finally looked up. “I don’t need your help. And if you continue to try whatever plan you have come up with I will get you disqualified from the karaoke competition.”
Cedric grew quiet and wandered off as Gwaine moved back over and placed Arthur's sloe gin fizz in front of him. “Cheers,” he told Arthur and then moved to serve another customer.
Merlin made no move to consume his food or drink his alcohol, so Arthur guessed he was waiting for the appropriate time after administering the insulin. He would wait with Merlin. It must feel awkward to wait alone for so long to drink.
“How long have you known Gwaine and Percival?” He asked.
Merlin turned his attention to Arthur. “Oh, since secondary school,” he said. “Gwaine always wanted to open a club, and Percival is a decent cook. They started dating just before school ended. Don’t mind Gwaine's flirting, by the way. He does it with everyone.”
“Charming,” Arthur muttered.
“They’re good people,” Merlin told him defensively. “Good friends.”
Arthur sighed. If Merlin said they were good people, he believed him. However, he still didn’t think flirting with everyone in sight was appropriate behavior.
Merlin elbowed him.
“I believe you! They are good people!” Arthur protested.
“That's better,” Merlin grinned. “I’ve been coming here since it opened. The only bad thing about this place is Cedric.” His expression turned dark as he mentioned the man who had confronted him.
“Does he bother you often?” Arthur was fully willing to deal with this.
“Only when he stands to gain something, like now,” Merlin told Arthur, waving a hand dismissively.
“Why don’t you say something about it, if the owners are your friends?” Arthur asked.
“Because they would do something about him, and he always ends up ordering countless drinks. It's good for their business.”
A feeling of protectiveness filled Arthur, along with a rush of affection and awe. Merlin seemed to take the concept of selflessness to a new level, one Arthur had never seen in a world of posh business people trying to get ahead. He adored that trait, and was a bit frightened for Merlin because of it.
They continued to talk, with Merlin rambling excitedly about the upcoming karaoke competition, until Morgana and Gwen drifted over, taking the empty bar stools beside them. Merlin happily started sipping his drink and ate a handful of popcorn as his phone let out a beep.
“How do you manage alcohol with your condition? Is it the same as food?” Gwen asked Merlin. “If you don’t mind talking about it right now?” There was genuine curiosity in her voice, and Arthur was reminded again of why he liked Morgana's girlfriend. This was not like Cedric asking Merlin if he should be drinking. This was Gwen not knowing about an aspect of her friend’s health conditions and asking him to explain.
Merlin launched into an explanation, talking about how alcohol could be a danger, especially in excess, but he could manage it and that he would be fine.
Arthur sipped his drink, enjoying the taste and listening. Morgana spoke softly, somewhere near Arthur's ear, distracting him. “So, how are you liking a queer bar?” Her tone made the question a challenge and a tease at the same time.
Arthur turned to face his sister. “The drinks are good,” he told her. “I’m enjoying myself.”
And he was, so far. Alright, Gwaine’s flirting had been awkward. But he intended to spend a lot of time talking to Merlin, and there was something new to see in every direction. Arthur was not used to so much exposed skin, but it was not exactly unpleasant.
“I thought you might,” Morgana told him, looking smug.
Arthur shot her a sharp look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t suppose you remember the time when you were twelve, playing castles and dragons with me, and you insisted on rescuing a prince instead of a princess? Or the summer you came back from boarding school and all you could talk about was a member of your football team?”
Arthur's throat was suddenly dry for some reason. He took a large gulp of his drink before telling Morgana, “So?”
“It's hard, when Father is so insistent on a match that is good for business and having descendants of the Pendragon bloodline ‘the proper way.’ But being open about who you are is worth it.”
Arthur was grateful for the change of topic. “I’m sorry about how hard he was on you and Gwen. I might have added to your struggle. I was not as accepting as I should have been at first. I’m sorry, Morgana.”
Morgana gave him a look of disbelief. “Not my point.”
Frustration rushed through Arthur. He had opened himself up and apologized, and Morgana was just being difficult. “What is your point, then?”
“That when the time comes, I’ll support you,” his sister told him.
Arthur was quickly becoming more and more frustrated. “Support me in what!?”
Morgana stared at him. “You really… Arthur, you can be remarkably thick!”
“And you can be remarkably annoying,” Arthur snapped back, taking another gulp of this drink.
Morgana sighed and heaved herself off her chair, moving to grab Gwen and pull her into a kiss.
“Attention!!!”
Arthur turned toward Gwaine's voice to see him standing on the stage. “The karaoke finalists are Merlin Emrys and Cedric Gem. We have asked each of them to give us a band. While they could choose one song from the band, the other two would be decided by us, and they won’t know them until it’s time to sing! Merlin Emrys! It's your turn to go first."
Arthur watched as Merlin took the last sip of his drink — the popcorn was long gone — and then walked over and mounted the steps to the stage to a few cheers and whoops. As Gwaine stepped down, leaving him alone on stage, Merlin grabbed the microphone with one hand. The music came on quickly.
Then, to Arthur's surprise, Merlin closed his eyes. He sang the first verse of the song in a clear, powerful voice seeped in emotion.
“I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future, even if you fail”
Merlin started to sway, making the microphone sway with him.
“I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream”
Arthur could not take his eyes off of him. He was mesmerized by how his lips moved, how his body swayed, and his sheer talent.
“I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness; still another mile”
It was the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever heard, but it was also filled with an unknown pain. Arthur wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know how or what the pain was about.
“I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream”
Merlin was pouring his heart out. This was more than a mere performance. No wonder he had made it to the finals if he always sang like this.
“I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail”
Arthur noticed tears had formed in Merlin's eyes. One ran down his face. It was all Arthur could do not to rush to his side. He wanted to do something. Comfort him somehow. There was too much pain and raw emotion in that song to tease Merlin about the tears later.
“I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream”
Merlin's eyes opened as the song ended; it took everyone in the bar a second to recover. Then the clapping started. Arthur did not clap. His eyes locked on Merlin’s instead. Arthur needed to kiss this man.
Immediately, panic roared through his mind. What had he just thought? Why? Oh, god. He suddenly realized what Morgana had been trying to say before. He knew why Merlin had asked him if he liked men back in the office.
Arthur did like men. He couldn’t excuse that thought. Kissing someone was not something you thought about if you were just friends. Arthur had feelings for men. Arthur had feelings for Merlin. AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gwaine moved up and handed Merlin a card, causing Merlin to give him a slightly annoyed look, to which Gwaine just grinned.
Meanwhile, Arthur whirled in his own storm of realization. He liked men. What would his father say? Nothing, if Arthur did not tell him. Would he have to tell him? If he acted on it, then yes, eventually. His father would be so disappointed in him. How disappointed? Could Uther disinherit him? No, he realized for the first time. That was something his father would never do. He was determined one of his children would succeed him, and Morgana was no longer an option. A new world of freedom opened up before Arthur. He could push what he wanted for the company harder. He could be himself. But it would cost him his relationship with his father! Uther would certainly not disinherit him, but he would not be happy. What should Arthur do? How far should he explore his new freedom? He wouldn’t tell Uther about liking men.… Not yet, he decided. Merlin! What was he going to do about his feelings for Merlin?
He had known him for a just over a month. Perhaps he should wait to do something. That was the sane thing to do, probably.
Belatedly, he realized Merlin had begun his next song.
“-tumn winds
Blowin' outside the window as I look around the room
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom
There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer”
Merlin was looking at Arthur as he sang. There was a note of sadness in his eyes Arthur did not understand, but other than that, his body language was perfect for the song, sensual and yearning. Arthur could feel the music and Merlin's performance sending shivers through his entire body.
“Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day
Movie stars
Find the end of the rainbow with a fortune to win
It's so different from the world I'm livin' in
Tired of TV
I open the window and I gaze into the night
But there's nothing there to see, no one in sight
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There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight”
Arthur wanted to rush up on the stage and kiss him.
Arthur would have to control himself. It was ridiculous to feel this way for a man he had met a month or so ago! As he watched Merlin's now provocative movements, desire surged even harder inside him. Merlin's eyes suddenly widened at whatever he saw in Arthur's gaze, and he looked away. What did that mean?
"There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day."
Merlin kept looking back at Arthur as he sang, then pulling his gaze away determinedly. As the music ended, he stood on the stage alone, looking almost guilty.
Arthur was entirely lost as to Merlin's emotional state now. But when the next card was brought up to Merlin, his look toward Gwaine was full of pain and heartbreak. Gwaine looked confused at this reaction and tried to grab the card back, but Merlin had already mounted the stage.
Then the music started, and Merlin began to sing again.
“Sit down and listen 'cause I've got good news for you
T'was in the papers today
Some physician had made a discovery
This's what she had to say:
She said that every result she had backed her
Claiming that love's a longevity factor”
Merlin seemed to be trying to look everywhere in the room but at Arthur, but his eyes kept returning to him. Tears started building up. Merlin's eyes were shiny with them.
“So lovers live a little longer, baby
You and me, we got a chance to live twice
Lovers live a little longer, ain't that nice?
Lovers live a little longer, baby
What a feeling when I hold you tight
Lovers live a little longer, yeah”
Tears streamed down Merlin's cheeks now. And it was not like the first song, where the singing seemed cathartic. Merlin's expression was full of anguish this time. He gripped the microphone as if it were a lifeline. He was shaking.
Arthur turned to look at Gwaine, furious at what his song choice had done, and saw that the man’s face was full of guilt.
“I can imagine, I'll see in my fantasy
I'll enjoy every day
Making love is a dynamite drug, baby
So why don't we start right away?
I don't care if they're watching 'cause listen
We've got a reason for each time we're kissing”
Arthur's eyes were pulled back to Merlin. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how!
Merlin started sobbing, but tried to keep going as his voice shook.
'Cause lovers live a little longer, baby
You and me, we got a chance to live-
Merlin's attempts at singing stopped abruptly. As he stood on stage, breathing fast and trying to restrain his sobs, his eyes met Arthur’s for a final time. Then Merlin let go of the microphone, ran down from the stage, and out of the club.
Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Gwaine start to go after Merlin, but Percival grabbed him by the shoulder and shook his head.
There was no one holding Arthur back, though, and he took off running. Arthur dashed out of the club into the crisp night air. Where was Merlin?
There! Merlin stood on the sidewalk with his arms wrapped around himself. His back was to Arthur as he shook.
Arthur almost reached a hand out to grab his shoulder, but asked instead, “Are you alright?”
Urgh, what a stupid thing to say. Of course he was not alright.
Merlin jumped and turned to Arthur, wiping his face hurriedly. “I will be… I just… for a moment… I…”
“You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Arthur winced. Now it sounded like he wanted Merlin to suck it up. “I mean… If you do, I’ll listen.” He added, “Happily… I’ll listen happily.” No, that was wrong! He was happy to listen if it was what Merlin wanted, but now it sounded like he was happy Merlin was upset. “Not happily,” Arthur hurriedly tried to correct himself. “I’m not happy you’re upset, but I am very willing to listen. If you want.”
Despite his tears, Merlin started to smile. “You’re absolutely horrible at this.”
“I know,” Arthur said.
“Really, really horrible.” Merlin’s smile widened, and Arthur thanked god that he had somehow helped.
“Well, I can’t be that horrible,” Arthur pointed out. “You’re smiling.”
“I think that's because I am a bit insane.” Merlin stopped, cradling himself with his own arms.
“Nah, you're more of an idiot than insane.” Arthur assured him.
“Thanks,” Merlin said dryly. His tears had dried in the night air. “I think I may just have lost the karaoke contest.”
“Then the judging isn't fair.” Arthur told Merlin. “You’re as good at singing as you are bad at PAing.”
“I ran off the stage partway through my last song,” Merlin reminded him.
“Yes, but your songs were much better than any that Cedric man can pull off.”
“You’ve never heard him!” Merlin protested.
Arthur met his eyes. “I don’t have to.”
They stared at each other for a moment, and Arthur had the urge to step forward for a kiss, stopping himself just in time. UGH, what was wrong with him?
“We uh… should go back in. If you want, I mean?” Arthur said.
“Right. The others… are still inside,” Merlin agreed awkwardly.
The two of them re-entered the building.
Arthur tuned out Cedric's singing, focusing entirely on Merlin, Morgana, and Gwen. Especially Merlin. The man bounced back remarkably quickly from whatever had upset him so badly.
Gwaine shed no light on the situation when he came over to apologize. Merlin forgave him instantly and then changed the subject quickly. He just laughed and joked with Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana as if nothing had happened. Clearly, he didn’t want to talk about it, so Arthur let it go like Merlin seemed to want.
Even though he had decided NOT to tell Merlin about his feelings for him yet, Arthur could not control himself completely. More than once, he found himself staring at Merlin's lips as the other man spoke, imagining what it would be like to kiss them. What it would be like to run his hands all over Merlin in a gentle caress. What it would be like to be with Merlin in bed. He tried to distract himself; really, he did. But Arthur's mind would not be distracted. It kept circling back to these new thoughts. Even more startling, Arthur realized he was scared. He was scared that if he told Merlin, he would reject him. Urgh, why did this have to be so complicated!?
He was still lost in thought as they left the bar and started down the sidewalks. So lost in thought, in fact, that he didn’t realize anything was wrong until he heard Gwen's alarmed voice from behind him: “Merlin? Merlin! Are you okay?”
Arthur whirled to see that Merlin had fallen behind. Not only that, he had a hand pressed against his chest and was breathing much harder than the short walk warranted. The panic that flooded Arthur's brain pushed out any other thoughts.
He took a step toward Merlin.
That was when Merlin started hacking and wheezing. Night-blue eyes grew wide with the instinctual panic of not being able to breathe well enough. Merlin sank to the ground and leaned against the wall. His hands began to fumble with his bag.
Arthur rushed to Merlin's side just ahead of the others and knelt down next to him. He forced himself to think. Panicking did not help Merlin.
“Asthma attack,” Merlin got out between wheezes.
“Somehow, I had guessed as much.” Arthur made his tone sarcastic to hide the terrible fear he felt watching Merlin struggle to get air like this. He reached into the emergency bag and handed Merlin his rescue inhaler and spacer. “You’re going to be fine,” he told Merlin, forcing calm into his voice. “Just stay calm and try to breathe.” Everything he had read about asthma attacks had said to stay calm and reassure the person suffering one.
Merlin pressed down at the end of the inhaler, putting one puff into the spacer, and then lifted it to take four breaths from the end.
The wheezing did not stop, and Merlin repeated the process three more times.
Arthur felt more desperate with each one.
“Should we lay him down?” Morgana asked.
“No, sitting up is better,” Arthur told her. This was likely why Merlin had sat down to lean against the wall. “Hey, breathe with me.” Arthur moved one of Merlin's hands to his chest and then took in a long, deep breath and another.
Merlin tried to match him. “Am… fine.”
“Sure you are,” Arthur responded. "Deep breaths…”
Merlin's breathing eased very slightly, but he continued to cough and wheeze, trying and failing to breathe along with Arthur as his chest hitched with aborted gasps. Arthur worked harder and harder to force down panic as Merlin put another puff into the spacer and inhaled the medication.
“I can call 999,” Morgana offered. But Arthur had read about what to do in these situations, and though Merlin's breathing was not normal, it seemed to be getting slightly better, not worse. “Not yet,” he told his sister.
Arthur held the inhaler and tube to Merlin’s mouth himself this time. He pressed down on the end and watched as Merlin inhaled his medication four times. Then, they repeated the process again and again. The terrible fear in Arthur’s mind was reflected in Merlin's eyes. He knew as well as Arthur did that if this didn’t work, they would have to call 999. If this didn‘t work, he was in a great deal of trouble.
“Try to breathe with me. It’s going to be alright,” Arthur told Merlin, not knowing if it was a lie.
This time, as Merlin tried to breathe along with Arthur, it slowly started to work. Relief poured through Arthur. Soon, the coughing came to a stop. The wheezing evened into hard panting and then finally regular breaths of air. Arthur felt like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Merlin caught Gwen's eyes. “Told you.”
“What?” Gwen asked.
“I would not have a hypo,” Merlin grinned cheekily.
Arthur shook his head in disbelief. Of course Merlin would make this into a joke. Beside him, he heard Morgana let out a breath she had been holding. Then, without thinking, as the sheer relief overwhelmed him, Arthur pulled Merlin into a hug.
He could not remember the last time he had hugged someone, or that someone had hugged him, beyond a business pat on the back. But he pulled Merlin closer in a hug that said, "I care about you, and I am glad you’re alright."
He held Merlin tightly, chest to chest. Tingles ran through Arthur’s body, followed by deep feelings of comfort and safety as he cradled Merlin's head. He hadn’t known hugs could do that.
Arthur felt Merlin's arms wrap around him as well after a moment. This close, he could smell the detergent from Merlin's clothing, a heavenly-smelling shampoo he used for his hair.
In the end, Arthur had to force himself to let go of the other man. Immediately, Gwen and Morgana hugged him as well, though their hugs were much quicker.
“I’m fine,” Merlin told them, getting to his feet. “I should get home.”
“Will you be alright?” Gwen asked him.
“Yes. Like I said, I’m fine.”
“I should be driving Morgana and Gwen back,” Arthur said. He remembered Merlin didn’t like being fussed over after he recovered. Acting as normally as possible was what Merlin would want.
Merlin nodded agreeably. “I’ll see you on Monday.”
Chapter 4: Secret Battlefield
Chapter Text
Arthur got to know Merlin better and better over the following week and found himself falling harder for him. It was slightly alarming to be falling in love this fast, but Merlin was ridiculously easy to love. Well, when he was not being utterly infuriating—and perhaps even then. He spent more time with Morgana as well. The more time he spent with both of them, the greater the risk his father would suspect something. But somehow, his father’s disappointment no longer seemed to be the be-all and end-all it had been for so long.
Merlin continued to slip him books about environmental business practices, and the more Arthur read, the more he realized just how severely mistaken his father was. Investigations also continued for the hacker as they donated to queer and environmental charities. Thankfully, Uther remained convinced that the only person it could not be was Merlin.
At the end of the week, Arthur decided to start testing what he could do now that he knew his father would not fire him. He was ready, or at least he told himself he was ready, to face his father’s disappointment.
“You’re planning something,” Merlin said as Arthur waited in his office until the right time to go to his father. It was amazing how Merlin could read him better than some people he had known for years and years.
“I am… If you want to wait outside my father’s office, I am fairly sure you will be able to hear the yelling at least once.”
Merlin's brows shot up. “You’re confronting your father about the business?” The surprised look on Merlin’s face was very endearing, and once again Arthur had the urge to kiss him. He held back.
“No need to sound so surprised,” he drawled.
“I’m not surprised,” Merlin told him.
“No?”
“I knew this would happen.”
Arthur was tempted to ask how on earth Merlin had known when he hadn’t known himself until a day ago, but restrained himself. He stood up and gestured for Merlin to follow. Soon, they reached the hallway near Uther’s office. Arthur motioned for Merlin to wait outside, then opened the door to the room.
Uther's office was on the top floor. His desk faced the window, from which he could see out over vast swathes of the city.
Arthur cleared his throat. Uther turned around, sitting in his desk chair like it was a throne. “Arthur?”
“I thought I should inform you I have RSVP'd for the Sustainable Business Association's charity gala.”
“What?” Uther scowled at him.
“I will be going there with our Environmental Adviser, and we will agree to a few of the sustainability measures they have proposed. As Uncle will be there, and we are trying to rehabilitate our image, I assumed you would have no problem with my decision.”
His father was on his feet in an instant. “You had no right to make those assumptions!!! This is ridiculous, and the measures they suggest are ridiculous as well. Agravaine being there makes no difference. In fact, I have long suspected he seeks to undermine us. This was a horrible call, Arthur, and though it is too late to back out now because we need to save face, I will be looking over your work more closely. You will never make decisions like this again.”
Arthur locked his hands behind his back and took a deep breath. “Yes. I will.”
“What!?” Uther snarled, taking a step forward toward his son.
“I will be making decisions, Father. And some of them will not be ones you approve of.”
“Do you forget who you are!?” Uther snapped. “What I did to your sister, I can do to you!”
Arthur took another deep breath. His palms were sweaty and his throat was dry. Now was the moment of truth. Either he was about to be fired and see all his plans to make this place better fall away, or he had guessed right before, in the club. “But you won’t.”
“What do you mean I won't? I assure you, Arthur, you have disappointed me greatly, and if you continue with this insolence—”
“You won’t disown me like you did Morgana, Father. You want more than anything to have a Pendragon continue the family business, and you have already disowned Morgana. You will not disown me unless you know I am running the business into the ground, and I assure you I have no intention of doing so.”
“I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOUR BOSS!”
“And I will respect you as much as possible,” Arthur told him. “I will be making some decisions on my own. That is all.”
“Get out of my sight.” Uther’s gaze was full of fury.
“Am I fired, father?” Arthur asked.
“NO! Now get out of my sight! I am disappointed in you beyond words.”
That hurt. Uther was still his father, and deep down, Arthur still wanted to make him proud. But he could endure the disappointment. He had guessed he would be able to now. He was no longer the boy who put being of value to his father above almost all else. What bothered him more was the possibility he was wrong. He really didn’t think he was wrong. Or what Uther might do to try to gain back control.
Arthur backed out of the office and found Merlin outside. The other man was smiling from ear to ear, practically glowing, and Arthur could see the pride in his expression.
“I er… found a vent to listen through so I could hear the entire thing, not just the yelling,” he admitted softly, gesturing upwards. “You were amazing. Perhaps you’re not a dollophead afterall.”
Arthur let out a slightly hysterical laugh and then made himself stop. He took off back towards his office, followed by Merlin, and sunk into a chair the moment he entered. “I can’t believe I actually… And it worked!”
Merlin beamed at him. “You did the right thing. It must have been hard, but you did it.”
But the doubts were starting to scream in his ear. “Was I right?” he found himself asking. “He will try to find a way to regain control somehow.”
“I believe in you. I believe in you making this company better; that is what you’re doing. If he cannot see that, it's his loss,” Merlin told Arthur with such absolute surety that Arthur found himself believing him.
Slowly, as they sat together, the shock of what he had just done started to wear off. Calm returned, and with it, a realization.
“Merlin… Do you have a tuxedo?”
Merlin looked over at him from where he was shifting some books on the shelf. “No…” Then, he saw the look in Arthur's eyes. “No… No, we are not…”
Merlin looked miserably up at the sign of the couture men’s fashion shop overhead and found himself moaning.
“Honestly, Merlin, you’d think I was torturing you.” Judging by Arthur's grip on his shirt sleeve, he was afraid Merlin might run off.
“You are torturing me!” he snapped. “Suits are uncomfortable! Rich people’s suits are not going to be any better!”
“You don’t know that.” Arthur practically dragged him inside the store. “And it’s a gala, Merlin. That means formal wear whether you like it or not.”
“I object! This is tyranny!” Merlin scowled. “I hate that kind of clothing. It gets all tight around my neck, and I can’t even throw it in the wash a few times to soften it!”
Arthur rolled his eyes and shoved Merlin at a few store workers, which was just plain unfair, because he had to know Merlin would not argue with the store workers as much as he would with Arthur. They were just doing their job.
“Please get something loose around the neck,” he begged one of the men holding him as they whisked him back into a fitting room. “Something not too stiff?”
The man nodded to him before bringing back a dark-colored suit for Merlin to try. Merlin found it fine and not too uncomfortable. But apparently, there was something wrong with it, because the man immediately whisked it away again.
Merlin didn’t even get as far as trying on the next suit they brought before they took it away. By the fifth outfit, he was absolutely miserable. There were so many better things to do with one's time than trying on countless suits.
Finally, one came that Merlin was allowed to walk around in. The store workers pushed him in front of Arthur, nearly making him stumble.
“What about this one, Master Pendragon?”
Merlin didn’t trust Arthur's evil grin at all, and sure enough, Arthur turned his head to the side and let out a “Not quite.”
Merlin promptly stuck up his middle finger at Arthur, causing him to grin wider. The store staff, on the other hand, all gasped at his lack of decorum.
“Really, Merlin, I’m buying you a suit from one of the most expensive brands in the country. Is it too much to ask for a little less attitude?” Arthur asked. Merlin proceeded to make an even more obscene gesture, causing even more scandalized gasping.
Merlin was swept back into the fitting area again. Arthur refused to approve his next tuxedo and the one after that. Merlin was done. When they brought him out this time, Merlin moved a hand to his chest and started to gasp on purpose. Arthur's eyes went wide. Merlin wheezed and coughed again, filling his expression with fear.
The staff let go of him, unsure what was happening. Arthur rushed to his side in an instant, holding his emergency bag. Merlin grabbed the bag, dropped the act, winked at Arthur, and then ran out of the store before anyone could stop him.
It was a brilliant plan because Arthur would now know Merlin was faking but be forced to stay behind to pay for the tuxedo Merlin had on. Shopping was over as far as Merlin was concerned.
He leaned against the wall of the store, grinning smugly.
When Arthur came out, he was furious. “MERLIN!”
“Right here,” Merlin said.
Arthur grabbed him by the shoulders. It was less of an aggressive action than a desperate one: “You cannot do that again!”
“Then don’t torture me with a shopping trip!” Merlin snapped back at him.
“You are impossible! You’re an idiot. You are, you are…”
“Devilishly handsome?” Merlin supplied. “An amazing PA?”
“Unbelievable! You're unbelievable, Merlin! You cannot do that to me. URGH! You are…”
Despite the angry tone, Merlin had caught the last two words: “to me.” Well, perhaps he had gone a bit overboard.
“Sorry.” He moved a fist to his chin, rubbing slightly in embarrassment. “You were not going to stop torturing me with clothing…”
“IT’S. NOT. COMPARABLE,” Arthur snapped. “That looked like the start of a worse asthma attack than your last one. You looked too panicked to even remember to go for your bag, like you knew it was going to be horrible.”
“Oh.” Merlin realized Arthur was right. “Right, sorry. I went overboard.”
“You think?” Arthur scowled.
“Next time, I’ll remember to grab the bag.”
“MERLIN!” They were now attracting notice of passers-by.
“That was a joke!” Merlin defended himself. “I was joking!”
“You are such an idiot.” Arthur seemed to be calming very slightly. “Such an idiot. You are such an idiot!”
Merlin was tempted to point out that he had been hacking the company and thus was not an idiot at all. But in retrospect, his little trick had been overkill. It had gotten him out of trying on more tuxedos, sure, but it had also apparently scared Arthur a great deal. Merlin had not thought about that.
“It’s part of my charm,” he told Arthur with an apologetic smile.
Arthur slung an arm around his shoulders, and Merlin knew he was forgiven. He would be more careful in the future, though, because he didn’t want to scare Arthur. In fact, he wanted Arthur to be nothing but happy. In fact, he was in love with Arthur.
FUCK.
It had happened. Of course, it had bloody happened. Merlin was drawn to this man like a siren song. This ridiculously attractive man that also had such a good heart and was so easy to talk to and fun to banter with. This man who acted better with Merlin’s illnesses than people who had known him many times as long. Who had proven to be there when Merlin needed him. Who had been raised to be a rich one percenter and could have so easily fallen into the trap so many of them did — putting money before people — but did not, because of his kind heart.
Of course, Merlin had fallen for him. The only way he could have avoided falling for him was to never see him again after he started to get to know him, and that was not something Merlin was prepared to endure.
He would, however, have to endure not acting on his feelings. It was better that way. Merlin had to be strong. He would be strong.
He came back to reality as Arthur shoved his regular clothing at him. “I was going to hold this hostage until you apologized, but you already did,” Arthur told him.
“Prat,” Merlin mumbled under his breath. Arthur just beamed at him.
“THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE,” Uther raved from the head of the table in the Conference room. Arthur sat nearby as VPs filled the seats around him.
“You have no suspects and we have made no progress in finding the hacker!?” Uther glared at all of them.
“He’s gotten past all new firewalls,” Lancelot explained. “The hacking comes from inside the company, but it's impossible to know where.”
“I will not have the profits of my business cut into by some hacker with a vendetta,” Uther snarled.
Arthur spoke up. “I don’t think he had a vendetta, or at least not a very strong one. He’s removing profit with his donations, but nothing so large as to actually hurt the company.”
Uther’s eyes fell upon Arthur, his expression still furious but now thoughtful as well. “If, as Lancelot says, it comes from inside the company, they likely want to keep their job. They know hacking from the inside is easier.”
“The times of the hacking won't help us much,” Leon cut in. “As Lancelot says, they are all over. It’s barely narrowed anything down.”
“The hacker is smart,” Uther conceded. “We must be smarter.” He looked at Lancelot again. “Let me be clear: the only reason you still have your job despite your protections continuing to fail is that I know you are the best I can employ.”
The hacker was smart, Arthur admitted internally. He was also somehow a complete idiot at the same time.
“All of you must redouble your efforts to find them. I want answers before the week is out.” Uther added, in a strict tone, “And if I ever find any of you are aiding him… I will pursue legal action!”
The rest of the week leading up to the gala passed uneventfully. Well, besides the fact that Arthur was growing more certain of his feelings for Merlin and had looked up more about the queer community in those seven days than he had in his entire life. He did not need to look up any online ‘Do I like men’ quizzes; his feelings for Merlin made the answer to that question pretty clear. Somehow, nothing he looked up made the decision of when to reveal his feelings any easier, let alone the decision of when to tell his father. It had still been only a few weeks since he had met Merlin. Surely it was better to take time to be certain.
Because he wanted to be sure. What he felt for Merlin was unlike anything he had ever felt before, and Arthur was not quite sure how to deal with it yet. As the day of the gala approached, however, he moved his focus away from this new self-awareness.
Merlin stood in front of his mirror dressed up in the tuxedo and bowtie Arthur had bought him. His insulin pump was strapped to his leg again with the type of secure covering used most often by actors wanting to hide microphones. It was Merlin’s good luck that it also worked for hiding pumps. His Dexcom was just under his sleeve, and his phone was in his pocket with some glucose tabs. The other pocket held his rescue inhaler and epi-pen.
Sometimes, Merlin wondered what it would be like if he didn’t have to constantly be prepared for the worst. But being prepared and doing daily maintenance were part of his life and had been since childhood. There was no point in what-ifs.
He attacked his hair with a wet comb next, before smiling at his reflection in the mirror. There! Merlin then walked into the living room. “What do you think?” He spread his arms for his mother and uncle.
“You look very sharp,” Gaius told him, his eyes circled with mischief. “Just remember only one cup of whatever alcohol they serve.” The reminder was a joke between them more than anything else. Merlin knew very well how to moderate his alcohol intake, but Gaius reminded him every time, almost as a ritual, since the time he had drunk three shots with disastrous consequences shortly after coming of age.
His mother smiled at him. “Oh, you look so handsome. I hope your Arthur is impressed.”
Merlin's mum had been making many comments like this lately — as if she was sure Merlin and Arthur were a couple or would end up as one. Merlin could correct her, but it did no good. And she could never know why Merlin was so set on being single for his entire life. So there was no chance of it truly stopping.
Instead, he gave her a “Thanks, Mum," and went to wait outside. An expensive car pulled up, and Merlin knew immediately who was inside. No one else around would drive a car like that.
Merlin walked up to the car and pulled open the door. “I suppose I should congratulate you for not honking and waking up all the children.” From the momentary chagrin on Arthur's face, Merlin guessed he had been planning to honk if Merlin had not been outside waiting for him.
Merlin slipped into the passenger seat and tried to hold in his reaction to Arthur's gala outfit. He had chosen a perfect color for himself, a dark, dark red, and looked remarkably good. And this was when Merlin could not even see the full effect yet!
“Right,” Arthur began as he drove. “Gala rules: No running, no calling anyone or anything posh. No using the term 'rich people’ anything.”
Merlin laughed. “Please, Arthur, I’ll be fine. I'll fit right in.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll stand out like a sore thumb no matter what I do, actually,” Arthur told him. “I’m just minimizing possible dangers.” He had a grin on his lips as if he was actually looking forward to watching it.
The venue for the gala was beautiful; the moment they stepped inside, Merlin found himself amidst decor that reminded him of a magic forest. Not that he knew what magic forests looked like, but if they did exist, they probably looked like this: vines along the walls, trees everywhere surrounded with fairy lights. Besides the forest decoration, he could see tables full of posh people, food, a bar nearby ridged with ivy, an area for dancing, an enchanted garden backdrop for taking selfies, and booths full of information on what the money here would be used for.
Merlin already knew what the Sustainable Business Association charity did, even if he hadn’t interacted with it firsthand. It had two goals. The first was to cover the loss of revenue for any business that chose to change toward a sustainable, nature-friendly model in the intermediary period, if it needed it. The association also sponsored three environmental charities at each gala.
Arthur handed over the two tickets he had bought online to the two women sitting at a table at the entrance. It was a safe bet they handled letting people in.
They looked shocked, but gestured for Arthur and Merlin to go further inside. As they obliged, heading further into the room, Merlin could hear the women whisper urgently to each other.
“That’s Arthur Pendragon, heir to Albion Enterprises. What is he doing here!?”
“He bought two of the truly expensive tickets!”
“Probably trying to make up for the book exposing them!”
It was the first clue as to the reception they would get.
Merlin watched as Arthur grit his teeth and ignored the voices behind them. From the set of his jaw, Merlin realized Arthur had already known this would happen. Any heir to Uther Pendragon would not be believed to be supporting environmental causes easily. Albion Enterprises, in its current form, represented the exact opposite of what this group supported. Arthur was not coming here to have a good time, but to try to learn and convince people his business could change. It would be a thankless task, and yet he was doing it because it was the right thing to do.
Merlin loved him all the more for it. It was uncanny how the amount he loved Arthur seemed limitless. It was also dangerous, he reminded himself.
He would support Arthur in his endeavor. Of course, he had planned to support him all along, but he also wanted to try some of the rich people's food and look around on his own. Now he realized Arthur needed him by his side, so that was precisely where Merlin would stay. The gala was a secret battlefield, and Merlin's place was by Arthur’s side.
Chapter 5: Doing What He Can
Chapter Text
“I should see my uncle first,” Arthur murmured, leading Merlin over to a dark-haired middle-aged man. He seemed to be the owner of one of the charities there. From what Merlin could tell from looking at the booth and its backdrop, it was focused on saving penguins.
They did not receive a warm welcome.
“Ah, my nephew, are you here because of Morgana’s book? I didn’t think you cared about nature or penguins. Your father certainly doesn't.”
“Perhaps I’m turning over a new leaf, Uncle. Perhaps I’ve learned some things.” Arthur gestured to Merlin. “Our Environmental Adviser here has been giving me a bit of an education.”
The man, Agravaine, looked Merlin up and down. “I’m surprised you stayed with Albion Enterprises. You must have a mere token position there.” He said the words nicely, but Merlin could practically feel his malice.
”Actually, I’m pretty proud of what I have achieved so far,” Merlin told Arthur's uncle. “Arthur does not see it as a token position.”
Arthur quickly wrote a donation to the penguin cause. “It was good to see you, Uncle.”
As they walked away, Merlin noted Agravaine leaving his booth and striking up a conversation with a red-haired woman. Merlin whispered to Arthur, “He’s going to try to cause trouble.”
Arthur looked over towards his uncle. “If he does, I’m prepared.” There was pain in his voice. “He taught me how to ride a bike. I don’t want to believe that of him.”
“I’m sorry,” Merlin told him.
“Me too,” Arthur responded.
They circled the room, moving to various presentations, videos and booths that talked about sustainable business practices. Arthur watched them with rapt attention, jotting down notes on his phone and pausing only to tell Merlin, “I can’t convince Father to accept too many of these, but I can try with some.”
Merlin's heart burst with pride and affection again.
Trouble came, however, as the red-headed woman cornered them near a screen giving a presentation on wind power. A tag pinned to her dress named her as Annis, one of the association's most prominent and outspoken board members.
“Arthur Pendragon, as chairwoman, I have to thank you for buying the most expensive tickets. But if you are here to rehabilitate your father’s name, I’m afraid you will be disappointed. It's shallow to come here and celebrate with us and then go home and continue to hurt the environment.”
Arthur met the woman’s gaze squarely. “It would indeed be shallow to do that. Which is why I am here to support your organization. Despite the will of some who would be against it.”
Merlin realized it was the closest thing Arthur would say about going against his father's will. He cut into the conversation between them: “Annis was the one who came up with one of the three measures that all businesses who are part of the organization have to follow starting next week.” Merlin had been particularly fond of this one, having to do with sustainable energy sources.
Arthur gave Annis his best smile. “It is good to meet you, then. This is Merlin, Environmental Adviser to Albion Enterprises. I have ensured that we will be following the three measures your group has come up with for this year. But I’m afraid our shift to environmentally-friendly practices will otherwise be a slow one.”
Annis watched Arthur's face as if trying to decide what she thought. Then, a slow smile formed. “There is something about you, Arthur Pendragon. Something that gives me hope for us all. It is no easy thing to reject the worldview you were raised with. But it seems it is not impossible, even in the most unlikely cases. If you need an ally, feel free to contact my business.”
As Annis walked away, Merlin could feel himself grinning. However, the grin fell as he noticed the hostile looks they kept getting, not to mention Agravaine talking to more people.
“It's brave of you to do this,” Merlin told Arthur.
“It's the best thing for the people of my company. For people in general,” Arthur responded. “Once I learned that, there was no other option.”
“There was,” Merlin corrected him. “But you’re too noble to take it.”
Arthur flashed him a grin. “Does this mean you won’t be calling me a prat anymore?”
“Whoa, I wouldn't go that far,” he responded.
Soon enough, he and Arthur ended up at the buffet. Merlin grabbed a plate and looked around at the many foods. He noticed some of the options even had their nutrition facts listed next to them — a practical dream for a diabetic. But he didn’t go for them. Instead, he piled his plate with white truffles, matsutake mushrooms, and a dipping sauce. It was easy to estimate the amount of carbs in them.
Arthur, his plate filled with steak and a few shrimp, looked at Merlin’s plate and then up at Merlin's face, eyebrow raised. “What is that?”
Merlin grinned at him. “This is me taking full advantage of the chance to eat some of the most expensive mushrooms known to man.”
“There are plenty of vegetarian options and you just go with mushrooms?”
“Did I mention some of the most expensive mushrooms known to man? I refuse to be distracted with other—” He paused, stopping himself before saying rich people food. “Other food that is expensive. I like mushrooms!”
Arthur shook his head slightly. “So Thai food and mushrooms. Any other food favorites I should know about?”
“Apples,” Merlin told him, “but only the red kind, and berries. But not strawberries.”
Arthur was still shaking his head as they moved to a table. “So I’m guessing I can never bring you to any party and expect you to eat like a normal person?”
“I mean, it depends if it's a posh party. And if they have mushrooms, apples, or berries.” Merlin sat down across from him. “I also can't eat all this at once and will be smuggling the rest home. As he spoke, Merlin carefully reached under the table and programmed his insulin pump after calculating the amount needed for the sauce. Mushrooms were a freebie. No insulin needed.
Arthur nearly choked on the beef he had just put in his mouth. “How? I refuse to assist you in this crime.”
“First of all, it’s not a crime. It’s free food,” Merlin began. “And second of all, my pockets have room.” As long as he put the mushrooms that were not covered in sauce in this would be easy.
“You are going to use your pockets to smuggle food from the gala.” Arthur’s tone had a hint of disbelief.
Merlin very much enjoyed scandalizing him. Somehow, Arthur never saw it coming.
“Yes.” Merlin gave him his most innocent smile. “You bought me a suit with very large pockets. I’m using them.”
“If you get caught, I’m not vouching for you,” Arthur warned him.
Merlin waved a hand. “I have no intention of getting caught.”
He broke off, noticing a middle-aged man approaching them. He wore a name tag like Annis. Had his smuggling plans been overheard?!? Probably; he had not exactly been quiet, he realized in retrospect.
Merlin tried to put on his innocent smile again in preparation, but the man focused on Arthur.
“I hope you’re happy eating the food we brought for real supporters of the environment! It's sickening you coming here and pretending to care about the cause. People like you are the reason the planet is warming!”
Merlin read the nametag, “Eldred”. Part of the board, but one of the least influential members.
Arthur was chewing food and could not speak right away. Fortunately, Merlin did not have that problem. “Arthur is doing his best to make the company as sustainable as possible. Is this how you greet everyone who wants to change for the better?”
The man scowled at him. “Who are you?”
“Albion Enterprise’s Environmental Adviser.”
The man scowled. “You’re a traitor then. Taking a fat paycheck and doing nothing to help. As to your question, it's how I treat people who stand with Uther Pendragon.”
Arthur could finally speak. He kept his voice even toned. “We will be adopting this year's measures, and I am here because I am interested in sustainability. It is better for everyone in the long run, employees and others.”
The man scoffed. “If you are adapting measures, it's just as a patch because of the book. I will never trust the son of Uther Pendragon!” He turned and walked away.
Merlin caught Arthur's eyes.
“It's fine,” Arthur told him hurriedly. “I didn't expect to be able to convince everyone.”
“It's not fair,” Merlin objected. “And it's stupid. If this is how that man greets everyone who wants to switch to a more sustainable business model or is even considering it, he's only hurting his cause.”
“But he doesn't do it to everyone, remember?” Arthur told him. “Just the son of Uther Pendragon.”
There was a hint of bitterness in Arthur's voice, and before Merlin realized what he was doing, he reached out and placed his hand over Arthur’s. “With time, they will all see you’re not your father.”
Then Merlin realized what he was doing. Shit! About to pull his hands back like he had been struck by lightning, he realized that might make Arthur read even more significance into this. The worst thing was that Arthur would be reading correctly: Merlin was fairly sure he wouldn’t have done this if he didn't have feelings for him. Fairly sure.
He forced his breathing to even out. It was just his hand, damnit. Get a grip! It was just his hand. What would happen if Merlin pulled it to his lips? No, he was not doing that.
Thankfully, Merlin's time to eat came quickly, giving him the perfect chance to pull his hand back. Arthur’s hand remained on the table a moment before he went back to eating, too. They ate in silence for a while before Arthur spoke. “So about the mushroom smuggling?”
“Yes?” Merlin asked.
”If I tell you not to, as your boss, will you listen?”
Merlin smiled. “Nah.”
“Of course not,” Arthur shook his head.
Merlin started stuffing food into his pockets when he thought no one was looking. He interspersed it with eating the delicious mushrooms. He had absolutely done the right thing; they were amazing!
As soon as Merlin was done eating and ready to focus exclusively on stealing mushrooms, however, Arthur stood up and started moving off. Merlin would have to stop his mushroom heist if he wanted to stay with him. Well, he had gotten some into his pockets — it would have to be enough.
He followed Arthur, accusing, “You did that on purpose,” as he moved into step beside him.
“Did what?” Arthur asked him innocently.
“Interrupted me before I could get all the mushrooms in my pockets.”
Arthur grinned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They approached another booth dedicated to a sponsored charity. This one was about helping people affected by chemicals dumped in rivers.
Arthur read the information about what these substances could do with wide eyes. “We do that, don’t we? From the manufacturing plants?” His voice wavered ever so slightly.
The woman standing there was about their age, with brown hair in a side braid. “The greatest danger comes from chemical companies, but if you are who I think you are, then yes, Albion Enterprises’ manufacturing plants are likely adding some harmful chemicals to rivers. They were for certain for some time.”
“And that affects people’s health?” Arthur asked. “It doesn’t just hurt the environment in regular ways, it causes health issues too?”
“Chemical substances dumped in rivers, again, usually by chemical companies, can cause many health issues, like cancer. Yet many companies are not open about their dumping, leading to people playing near and in the rivers with no knowledge of what is happening to them.”
“And your organization raises awareness about this, and helps the families of those who are affected?” Arthur asked.
“Yes…” the woman continued. “You know… You are nothing like my father said you would be. I’m Sefa.”
Arthur made a sizable donation to the cause, higher than the one he had made for the penguins.
“I hope to change your father’s mind in time,” Arthur said in a low voice. “I will be addressing this. Albion Enterprises will no longer do this.”’
As they walked away, Arthur rounded on Merlin.
“How did I not know about this?”
Merlin had assumed Arthur knew. He had thought this was one of the things he had acted on going against his father. Why hadn’t he? Realization dawned on Merlin. “You haven't read your sister's book, have you?” he asked.
Guilt washed over Arthur's face. “I didn't... I’m trying to help but couldn’t bring myself to read it.” Arthur ran a hand down his face. “The people here are right. I’m being a hypocrite. I’m not doing all I can. I didn’t even read my own sister’s report on the horrible things the company’s doing!”
Merlin struggled with what to tell him. “Change in people doesn't happen overnight. Are you going to read the book now?”
“Yes.” Arthur‘s voice shook slightly.
“Then you are doing the right thing. You’re human; you make mistakes. We all do. All you can do is make up for them now. Scolding yourself doesn't help; reading it now does.”
Arthur gave Merlin a sharp look. “That was remarkably wise.”
Merlin tilted his head to the side and raised a brow. “I am wise. I’m usually wise. Plenty wise.”
“Merlin… Do not make me give examples about how false that statement is,” Arthur shook his head. “But it’s nice… knowing you can be wise when you're not being an idiot.”
Banter. Merlin could tell Arthur needed it right now. He sighed, gesturing to Arthur. “You see, this is one of the reasons why I’m not dropping my comments about you being a prat.”
“So you’ll only stop calling me a prat if I stop calling you an idiot? That’s not going to happen.” Arthur looked a bit less guilty than before. Merlin was glad.
“No,” he replied. “I’ll only stop calling you a prat if you stop being a prat, and as that is a literal impossibility, it seems I will be calling you a prat for the rest of my life.”
Arthur gave a long-suffering sigh. Then, he wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and yanked him to the bar. “Let’s get a drink.”
The blonde woman at the bar eyed them with the same dislike and suspicion that they had been getting all over. Merlin could see a banner on the bar proudly proclaiming most ingredients were locally sourced to reduce carbon emissions.
Arthur ignored the woman’s look. “I’ll take a wet martini with a caviar stuffed olive.”
Apparently, Merlin noted, posh people didn’t even order regular martinis these days. Apparently, the olives had to be stuffed.
As he looked at the woman across the bar, he realized he had no idea what kind of posh drinks he could order. What counted as a posh drink anyway? Well, he knew they had martinis, at least. And it would be easy to figure out the insulin requirement for that.
“I’ll take a regular wet martini,” he told the woman, and programmed his pump.
As they waited for their drinks, Merlin turned around to check what Agravaine was doing. Various groups of people were moving towards them, and Merlin could see the man stepping away from the farthest group. Whatever that was, he’d had a part in causing it. Soon, they were surrounded, and Merlin tapped Arthur's shoulder, prompting him to turn around.
“We think you should go.” A dark-haired woman in a wheelchair at the front of the crowd spoke first. It wasn’t a threat, more a statement of fact.
Merlin desperately wanted to help Arthur, and he would, but he also had to grab his martini and drink it soon. His condition demanded it. He grabbed his drink while Arthur ignored his and took a quick gulp. Arthur let out an even-toned, “Why?”
Merlin noticed the crowd glare even harder as they saw him start to sip on his drink. They were probably assuming he was doing it to make light of the situation. Begrudgingly, Merlin rolled up the sleeve of his tuxedo to expose his medical bracelet. It would explain things to at least some of them.
The woman continued. “You are not the kind of person who should be enjoying something like this. Our hard work led to this gala. It's supposed to be a celebration for those who care about the environment.”
“And you assume I do not?” Arthur crossed his arms.
“I believe your stance is rather clear,” said a curly-haired man near the woman. “We know you are going to adopt some of the reforms, but we also know why you’re doing it. If you think you can use us to rehabilitate your image, think again.”
Merlin spoke up as he finished his drink. “I would say his stance is clear, yes. He's at an environmental gala with the company's Environmental Adviser, me. He's adopting this year's reforms and learning what he can here while making huge donations.” Merlin crossed his arms. “That seems pretty clear to me.”
To his satisfaction, some members of the crowd looked hesitant now, and one tried to awkwardly move away. As Merlin had expected, Agravaine had not told anyone the whole story.
“Are the donations supposed to compensate for what his father has done?” the woman demanded. “For him supporting his father’s policies for years?”
Only Merlin was able to notice Arthur’s discomfort at this comment as he grabbed the bar hard.
“No,” Arthur began. “They are not supposed to make up for things. I have learned more about what my company has done today. It was only weeks ago that I believed global warming was a lie. I didn’t even read my sister’s book. So you are right. I have done wrong and been inadequate in showing the responsibility I should have as the future owner of Albion Enterprises.”
Murmurs spread through the crowd; this was not the response they had expected.
“I want to change things, and coming here was a step forward,” Arthur continued, meeting the gaze of members of the crowd. “It has shown me that I have to do better than just adopting a few policies. It might take time, but I have to act. I love my father, but he has made mistakes. I will be reading my sister's book. I will be doing what I can to improve the company.”
For a moment, he looked away from the crowd and caught Merlin's eyes before looking back. “Someone reminded me I cannot change the past and the harm my company has done. I can only work to change the future. To do better myself. To find a way to make the company do better. I’m still figuring out what I can do and what I can’t. But there will be change, and as time goes on, more of it will happen. That is all I can offer you right now: my promise.” Arthur moved a hand to his chest.
Annis had drifted over to the group by now. “Uther had blocked much of our attempts to change things. And most often, children go the way of their fathers. But we’ve already seen one of Albion Enterprises' children take a different path. Is it so unbelievable that the other one might, too?”
“Not to mention that if this is the reception those who are considering change but are not dedicated to it get, you all are making more enemies than friends,” Merlin added. “Wonderful job on that. You might consider reaching out to non-posh people.”
The man beside the woman in the wheelchair glared at Merlin. “There is a difference between those on the fence and a son of Uther Pendragon!”
Merlin jerked a thumb at Arthur. “And if he had actually been on the fence? Whoops, there goes any change to Albion Enterprises.” Merlin could practically feel Arthur's silent command to shut up when he grabbed his shoulder, but he still had a point to make. Arthur had convinced them, but this needed to be addressed!
“There are people that can be convinced to support the environment. I’ve seen minds change. But this?” he waved his hand around. “Turning environmentalism into a little cliché of rich people who act hostile to anyone questioning? It's stupid. Changing minds is harder, and not all will change, but no one is even trying to do it. You’re just sticking to the easy road. You’re not doing even half of what you could!”
“We do plenty of outreach, just not at the gala,” the man who had spoken before snapped.
Merlin tapped his chin. “And I wonder where the questioning rich people are going to come?” He tapped like he had suddenly had an amazing realization. “Oh! A formal gala! Of course!”
“Enough,” Annis interrupted. “We will consider what you have said as there is some validity to it. Neither of you are asked to leave. Consider your points made.”
The crowd slowly dispersed, and Arthur let go of Merlin's shoulder. “You just say whatever you feel like, don’t you?” His tone was not angry, more slightly impressed.
Merlin met his eyes, his own resolute. “They needed to hear it.” He paused. “Your speech, it was impressive, and I know it came from your heart. Perhaps there is hope for you yet.” He reached out and squeezed Arthur's shoulder before yanking his hand back. “Maybe… Possibly…”
In truth, the speech had been perfect, and Merlin was slightly in awe of how Arthur had been able to convince people. He was sure it would serve him well when he was CEO. The best part was that Merlin also knew it had been no act. Arthur had said the perfect thing by just being honest about how he was feeling and accepting how the others felt as well.
It was amazing. Arthur was amazing. And Merlin was falling for him harder, yet again. He was painfully aware that despite his resolution to be careful, he was doing nothing to pull back from Arthur. He would just have to be mindful, and that would have to be enough, because Merlin had no intention of distancing himself from this man. He didn’t think he could make himself give up his friendship with him. He wouldn't, he couldn’t pull away from him. Even knowing he should.
Arthur downed his drink and popped the caviar-stuffed olive in his mouth. “You know, I’m not sure if you are complimenting or insulting me." Even as he spoke, there was a 'thank you' in his eyes that made it clear that this was just banter.
“Both,” Merlin told him, “Probably both. I can’t let you get too big a head.”
Arthur's voice turned dry. “Right, thank you for that. So good of you to stop yourself from inflating my ego.”
Melin just beamed at him. “See, you get it! You’re welcome.” Arthur snorted and looked around. Merlin saw where his gaze was and shook his head. “NO.”
Arthur, who had taken a step forward, looked back at him. “You don’t like dancing?”
“I fall. I trip over my own feet!” Merlin told him.
Arthur just grabbed his arm and yanked him towards his doom.
“Arthur!” Merlin tried to pull away.
“Don’t be a wimp, Merlin.” Arthur dragged him toward the evil that was the dance floor.
Once there, Arthur practically shoved Merlin to the dancefloor and started dancing nearby. Arthur was a good dancer; of bloody course he was a good dancer. He also remained close enough to grab Merlin if he ran. URGH, HE WAS SUCH AN ASS!
Merlin's options were standing awkwardly in the middle of the dance floor as music played or rushing headlong into his doom.
Merlin rushed headlong into his doom.
For a moment, just a moment, he wondered if he would be alright. Then, inevitably, his legs tangled, and he fell forward onto a nearby couple. Both of them fell over as Merlin's weight suddenly interrupted their movement, which made another solo dancer near them fall over as well.
Merlin extracted himself from the mess he had caused with multiple apologies, and stalked up to Arthur. “Happy!?”
Arthur hesitated. “I’m sorry.” It was the first apology Merlin had ever gotten from him. “I’ll listen next time.”
Merlin continued to glare. “You’re lucky I’m so forgiving!”
Arthur gave him a slightly chagrined smile. It was unfairly adorable. Arthur should not be able to be that adorable and make Merlin’s heart speed up like that. This was totally unfair.
“You know I could help you dance if you want? Make sure you don’t fall?” Arthur offered.
Merlin considered. “Not here. We’ve caused enough trouble. Another time, at the Rising Sun.”
He really should not have agreed to do this anywhere. Arthur making him not fall would involve Arthur being very close; the dance would be an intimate one. He should have just said no. But he didn’t because he liked that idea. He had to do better, he told himself for the thousandth time. He was being selfish; he was being so selfish. “Maybe,” he forced himself to add, “I’ll think about it.” It can never happen. You cannot let it happen. Stop being selfish.
Arthur made a sizable donation to the third booth, this one about cleaning the ocean, and then noted to Merlin, “The gala’s coming to an end.”
Merlin pulled out his phone, instinctively checked his blood sugar level, which was still fine, and confirmed the late hour.
“Here's to not having to wear this suit for at least a few months!” Merlin announced as they walked along the sidewalk towards Arthur’s car. “Ha!”
“Actually,” Arthur began, “I’m inviting you to my birthday party.”
Merlin put a hand to his chest in mock horror. “You would make me wear a tuxedo to your birthday party?”
“You forget Merlin, I’m the son of a CEO,” Arthur told him. “My birthday party is a company event. It is intended for networking, showing appreciation to investors, and for my father to invite every woman my age he finds suitable to try to seduce me. I don’t actually mind it except for the ‘trying to seduce me’ bit. But If I have to go to it, you do, too. Your suit will be required.”
Merlin froze where he stood. “How long has your birthday party been like that?” he asked Arthur.
“Ever since I can remember, excluding my years at boarding school. Though trying to find someone to marry came only after I finished school.” Arthur explained as if it meant nothing. Realising Merlin was not following, he turned around with a frown.
Arthur had said he didn’t mind it. But it still struck Merlin: Arthur had never had a regular birthday party? One where he just had fun with the people closest to him?
“I’ll come to your company's birthday party, but I have a condition,” Merlin told him.
Arthur sighed. “I’m not sure you get to make conditions. As a PA, this is just part of your job.”
“I still have a condition,” Merlin insisted.
“What is it?” Arthur rolled his eyes.
“A few days before it, you come to my house. I cannot tell you why.” Merlin was already planning the surprise party in his mind.
Curiosity dawned in Arthur's eyes. “I agree.”
Merlin smiled at him as they headed towards the car.
Arthur threw open the door to his office. “I did it.”
Merlin looked up from his laptop. “Did what?”
“I gave the order to make sure any waste products from our factories are dealt with in an environmentally friendly way, and not dumped in rivers.” His outfit looked slightly windblown, as if he had run all the way to his office. He straightened his clothing now.
“How did your father respond?” Merlin shut the laptop.
“Absolutely furious.” Arthur’s brow knit, and he frowned as he sat down at his desk. “He said if I continue to follow this path, I will be a disappointment to him, and he will consider me a shame to the Pendragon name.” He sighed. “But he has not done anything to fire me. He's determined to keep the business in the family, and I’m all he has.” There was a long pause before Arthur added, “I hope that, somewhere deep down, he is proud of me, even if he cannot say it.”
Merlin’s heart ached for Arthur. He wanted so badly to think his father might be proud of him.
“He wanted to fire you,” Arthur continued.
“Of course he did,” Merlin sighed.
“I told him I would quit if he did.”
“You did what!?” Merlin could feel his chest fill with warmth. Arthur had stuck his neck out so far for him!
“Don’t thank me yet. He wants to see you now, alone.” Arthur told him, “I’ll be just outside the door.”
Merlin considered, then shook his head. “No, that will just make him more angry with you. You should wait here and keep reading Morgana’s book.”
Arthur scowled. “I’m staying nearby. I’ll be just around the corner.”
Merlin realized that was as much as Arthur would give in. While Arthur's protectiveness made his heart speed up, Merlin did not want him to hear what he might have to say to his father.
Merlin and Arthur took the stairs back up to Uther’s office together. They moved into an empty conference room just around the corner from Uther’s office. There, Arthur hesitated for a moment, then grabbed Merlin's shoulder in a quick squeeze. “Merlin… I’m sorry.”
“None of this is your fault,” he comforted him. “Your father’s doing is his own choice. Anything he says or does is his choice. You don’t get to blame yourself for it.”
He flashed Arthur a cheeky smile, then exited the room, walked around the corner, and entered Uther's office.
Uther sat at the throne-like chair behind his desk and glared at Merlin immediately. “I suppose you are the one I have to thank for corrupting the mind of my son?”
Merlin took a deep breath and stood straight as he looked into Uther’s furious gaze. “Your son is not corrupted. He’s making good changes. You should be proud of him.”
“He’s risking profit!” Uther snapped.
“Albion Enterprises can afford to lose a bit of profit and will make up for it soon. Environmental policies are better in the long term, and I expect other changes he made will improve the business, too." Merlin decided to throw Uther a stick, for Arthur's sake. “I know you brought the company back from nothing. You must have made changes to do that. Is it so bad for Arthur to make changes of his own?”
Uther stepped up from behind his desk and moved so he stood closer to Merlin. Merlin refused to be intimidated even as Uther snarled at him, “The changes he makes are not necessary! The company is stable! The company is strong. Then you come along and plant all these ideas in my son’s head…”
“The company is not sustainable,” Merlin retorted back, perhaps a bit too sharply. “And your son causes a lot of what is happening. I might have helped a bit, but more than anyone, he is the one doing the work for a brighter future for your company! He should be someone you are proud of! Someone you let know every day how much they mean to you! Instead, you are calling him a disappointment! Do you have any idea how much he doesn't want to be a disappointment to you? How important doing the right thing is to him? That should make you proud! You can still fix this. You can see him for who he really is and give him the praise he deserves!”
Merlin found himself reaching his hands out as if he could pull the very approval Arthur so desperately wanted from his father. He forced them back to his sides.
“How dare you try to tell me how to interact with my own son! You’re no one!” A vein throbbed on Uther’s temple; he was beyond furious.
“Is there anything else you wanted to say to me?” Merlin asked, keeping his voice calm.
“Morgana put you up to this, didn’t she? She's trying to turn him against me!”
“No,” Merlin said truthfully as he watched Uther sadly. “You’re the one pushing him away even though it only hurts both of you.”
“Leave me,” Uther ordered. “And if I find any reason to fire you, any reason at all, I will.”
Merlin knew from Arthur's words how unlikely that was to happen. But he did not contradict Uther, letting him have this. He left the room, took a moment to compose himself, and walked back to Arthur.
Arthur searched his face with his beautiful sky-blue eyes. “What did he—?”
“Nothing really important,” Merlin reassured him. “Let's not focus on this. You are due at my house at six exactly!”
“What happens if I’m early or late?” Arthur challenged as they both walked back toward his office. Even as he spoke, his eyes kept sweeping over Merlin's face, trying to read him.
“I lock you out,” Merlin told him. “And I’m fine, Arthur. There was a lot of anger and yelling, and that was it. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
Arthur opened the door to the office and stepped inside. “He shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
Merlin shrugged. “It’s not my first time being yelled at by a boss. Sometimes it’s worth it.”
Arthur sat down in his chair and shook his head. “Let me guess, other bosses did not like you insulting them?”
“Something like that.” Merlin sat down in another chair and opened the work laptop. “I don’t always insult them, though, sometimes I just tell them the truth.”
“I’m willing to go out on a limb, Merlin, that they see your truth-telling as insulting them.”
Merlin looked up and saw a very entertained look on Arthur's face. “That's their problem, not mine.”
He looked back down at his laptop. If he wanted to, he should be able to hack into Uther’s finances from there, or at least his wages from the company. It would be very satisfying to redirect some of Uther’s personal wealth into an environmental charity. He could certainly afford it.
The problem was that it was also more risky. Merlin could practically hear Gaius’s voice in his head telling him not to do it. But as Merlin thought about how Uther was pushing Arthur away and hurting him due to his pride, he decided to risk it anyway. Venting his frustration, Merlin hacked in and made the donation.
As he finished, it struck him how sad and stupid this all was. If Uther had been less prejudiced, he could have had a happy family. He could have been proud of his son! He could have been loved by his daughter. Merlin mourned for what Arthur and Morgana would never have and resolved to support both in any way he could. Well, he had planned to do that already, but now, even more so.
It took him about five minutes after that to realize how stupid he had been. He had just risked exposing himself! He had been so overwhelmed by how much Uther was hurting the people around him! But it was no excuse. He had to be smarter!
He had made a big mistake; it meant he had to be much more careful from now on.
Chapter 6: Birthday Realizations
Chapter Text
Merlin finished the list of tasks Arthur gave him quickly so he could head home as soon as possible. He needed time to prepare for Arthur's surprise party after all.
Morgana and Gwen were already at the house when he got there. As Merlin entered the kitchen, he saw them talking to his mother at the corner table. Usually, he pulled up a playlist on his laptop and sang alone while baking or cooking, but as there were guests in the room, he decided to forgo it this time.
Instead, Merlin pulled out the various tools, pans, and ingredients he needed and began making a chocolate birthday cake. Despite his diabetes, he had always loved baking; he found it relaxing and fun.
“It's good of you to do this for him,” Morgana told Merlin from the table. “I had never had a regular birthday party until my father disowned me.”
Merlin turned to face her in time to see Gwen poke her girlfriend. “Excuse me, I took you out drinking three times and brought you a cake once!”
“It wasn’t an actual party.” Morgana put her hand over Gwen’s. “I wouldn’t have been able to kiss you at an actual party back then. I will admit that was my priority.”
Gwen looked sufficiently appeased. And Merlin turned away from them and focused on mixing ingredients for the cake batter.
“She’s right; it is very good of you to do this, Merlin.” Gwen’s voice came from behind him as he carefully measured out what would be needed. “He never admits it, but I don’t think he enjoys having his birthday be dedicated exclusively to the company.”
“That’s why I’m doing it,” Merlin told them. “That, and it's unbelievable he's never gotten a chance at hitting a piñata. Imagine life without a piñata or a regular birthday cake!”
“Who else did you invite?” Gwen asked.
“Leon, Lancelot. Your brother, since you mentioned Arthur knew him fairly well before he was fired. I almost invited Gwaine and Percival, but they don’t know him well enough yet. Perhaps next year.”
There was a long, awkward silence behind him, eventually broken by his mother's statement. “I look forward to meeting his friends. Considering how taken you are with him, it will be good to know who they are.”
Merlin didn’t know if this meant his mother was going to judge Arthur based on his friends or if this was her yet again trying to imply Arthur and Merlin had feelings for each other and should act on them. He didn’t know which one he hoped for.
Merlin heard Gaius’s footsteps enter the room from behind him as he carefully poured the batter into a cake pan and moved towards the oven.
“Alice just brought a keg of her handmade hard lemonade. She apologizes for not being able to make the party.” Merlin could see his uncle gesturing to Morgana out of the corner of his eye and telling her, “You, I need you to carry it in.”
Morgana grinned. “Gladly. It's about time I show off my work at the gym.”
As Morgana and Gaius’s footsteps faded, Gwen spoke up. “Who is Alice?”
“Gaius’s fianceé,” Merlin replied. He was happy for his uncle, especially since he knew Gaius had put off the romance until Merlin was an adult after the incident. “ She makes homemade lemonade for special occasions!”
Merlin pulled another bowl and the powdered sugar toward himself as he heard the doorbell ring.
“I’ll get it.” He heard Gwen stand up from her place at the table.
“If it's Arthur, tell him he has to wait!” Merlin called after her.
It wasn’t Arthur. Merlin looked up from his frosting-making as Gwen led Leon, Lancelot, and the man who had to be her brother into the room.
“Hello there, I’m Elyan.” A man in a dark T-shirt approached Merlin and held out a hand. “I’m glad I could make it. I just got back from a business trip for the new company I’m working at. You must be Merlin. From what my sister tells me, you and Arthur have become pretty close.”
Merlin took and shook the hand he offered. “Yes, we’ve become good friends .” He stressed the last word. It was important to do that around his mother, and he was starting to suspect Gwen and Morgana as well.
Morgana entered the room again and set down the large keg of lemonade. “Is anything else needed?”
Lancelot moved forward and grabbed Merlin's shoulder in greeting before backing up. Leon looked around with curious eyes. Merlin guessed he had never been in a regular person’s home.
He went back to mixing the frosting. “The piñata is up, the lemonade is here for drinking games, the cake should be ready on time… Everything is set up out back for the water fight.” Merlin tried to think of anything else. “We’re set.”
He was proud of the little party he had put together. Alright, besides the hard lemonade, it was more the kind of party a child would have, but Arthur deserved to have that at least once in his life.
He talked to the others as he waited for the cake to be done and frosted it afterward. Lancelot had once dated Gwen, he learned, but despite the awkward silence before, he bowed out cordially once he noticed Gwen's feelings for Morgana. It was obvious to Merlin that Lancelot still had feelings for Gwen despite not trying to act on them, and Merlin hoped he would find someone soon. He could relate to how Lancelot must feel; but unlike Merlin, he had a chance to find love with someone else. From the lingering looks Elyan sometimes gave him, Merlin guessed it might happen sooner rather than later. And he was happy for them. He was happy as he tried to ignore the painful feeling in his chest.
Eventually, the time for Arthur to arrive neared. Merlin made his insulin pump give him enough for one piece of chocolate cake and then ushered the others into the living room to hide. As soon as Arthur approached, Merlin signaled to the others with a finger to his lips. As he looked back out the door’s window, he managed to smother the grin on his face. Nothing should alert Arthur to what he had planned.
Arthur rang the doorbell, and Merlin opened the door, still trying to resist the urge to smile.
“Exactly at six,” Arthur said, crossing his arms. “Are you happy?”
Merlin gestured for Arthur to come inside and then followed him in. “Very.”
Immediately, everyone jumped out from their hiding places, and cries of “Happy birthday” could be heard throughout the room. Merlin beamed from ear to ear at the shocked look on Arthur's face.
Then, his mother rushed forward and wrapped herself around Arthur. “Happy Birthday!”
Arthur froze, his eyes wide, as he was hugged. Then his eyes closed, and he accepted what had to be the first motherly hug he had received in his life. There were times when Merlin was overwhelmed by how much he adored his mother; this was one of them.
Hunith stepped back, and Gaius walked up to Arthur and shook his hand. “I’m Gaius, Merlin's uncle. They have quite the party prepared for you. We will leave you all to it.” He laid a hand on Hunith’s shoulder.
She smiled. “We’ll be talking out front, or we will go out for fish and chips. I hope to have the chance to talk to you more soon, Arthur.” She smiled before walking out the still-open door.
As the pair of them exited the room, Merlin had a spring in his step. “It's time for you to see what a non-posh birthday party is like!” He told Arthur.
Arthur's eyes flicked around the room and then settled back on Merlin. “So this is yet another scheme to expose me to non-posh life?” He smiled. Merlin could read both the uncertainty and excitement in his eyes.
“Exactly,” Merlin confirmed before moving up and wrapping an arm around Arthur's shoulders reassuringly. “It has absolutely nothing to do with you never having had a proper birthday party and wanting to show you the joys of regular life and everything to do with my ongoing scheme to stop you from being the posh brat that you are.”
Arthur seemed to relax as they bantered and looked at the others. “Elyan! You’re back in town! Lancelot, Leon, Morgana, Gwen. Hello.”
Merlin removed his arm from Arthur's shoulder and rushed into the kitchen. “Come on,” he called to them all. “We have cake.”
The group entered the kitchen area, and Merlin slid the cake onto a table. “I made this myself, so no turning your nose up because you’re used to gourmet food or something," he instructed. "I assume you know how to blow out candles?” Merlin didn't wait for a reply and instead lit the candles he had placed on the cake.
“I know how to blow out candles,” Arthur scoffed. The emotion in his eyes made the entire party idea worth it a thousand times over.
A slightly off-tune rendition of "For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow" rang out in the room. Arthur blew out the candles while smiling ear to ear, and everyone got a piece of the chocolaty goodness. They ate at the table, laughing and joking. Merlin learned that Arthur was a fiend for chocolate when Morgana teased him about it. He would remember this.
When they all finished eating, Merlin proudly led them to the bedroom where the star-shaped piñata was.
“Did you make this too?” Arthur asked.
“Don’t be silly; I bought it. I can’t make piñatas… Now the rules are—”
Arthur cut him off. “I know how to use a piñata.” His gaze as he looked at the star was determined and aggressive. Glancing around, Merlin could see the same wildfire in Morgana’s eyes. He made a spur-of-the-moment decision.
“Well, this time, we’re adding a twist. We’re making this a contest. We need two people, and we will not blindfold them. They will both hit the piñata, and we'll see who wins!”
As he had expected, he was not the only one who had noticed murder in the eyes of the Pendragons. While most of the group were happy to watch the upcoming chaos, Morgana and Arthur volunteered immediately. Merlin rushed out of the room to find another stick with which to hit the piñata.
When he returned, Arthur and Morgana were standing apart from the others, grinning evilly at each other.
“I’ll show you how it’s done, brother!” Morgana’s grin became, if possible, more threatening.
“Please, which one of us is stronger? I will be the one to win!” Arthur retorted dismissively.
Merlin handed them each a stick and backed up. From her place next to him, Gwen whispered, “You don’t know what you’ve unleashed.”
“Oh, I do,” Merlin told her. “And there is more to come. Remember I mentioned water balloons?”
“Are you practicing to be an evil genius?” Gwen teased. “Because if you are, you don’t need to practice anymore. You have achieved your goal.” Merlin laughed.
As Morgana and Arthur started attacking the piñata, the others cheered them on: Leon was on Arthur's side with Merlin and Lancelot, Gwen and her brother cheered for Morgana.
“Hit it, hit it!”
“You can do it, Arthur!”
“No, not there!”
“Morgana, come on!”
Merlin watched the two Pendragon siblings absolutely murder the piñata.
“That's a break!” Morgana called after a hefty blow. “I win.”
“Nothing fell out!” Arthur countered and whacked it again with all his might.
In truth, it was hard to tell who did more damage as both of them continued to hit the poor piñata. They both turned to Merlin, outraged, when they realized nothing was inside.
Merlin laughed and held up his hands. “Did you actually think I would risk the poor candy being in there with this crowd?”
He let them back into the kitchen, crossed to a cupboard, and reached inside to grab a bag of candy. Then, he laid it on the table for everyone to tear into — everyone except him, that is. He had already had chocolate cake, and he might have hard lemonade later. It was enough for his diabetes.
Gwen was the first to notice he had not joined them. Her eyes flicked to his bracelet for a moment, but thankfully, she said nothing. Merlin wanted the others to be able to enjoy themselves. The others noticed soon enough, however. Leon and Elyan stopped eating the candy until Merlin reassured them that it was fine. He had provided it, after all. Part of him questioned the wisdom of giving them all a sugar rush before what he had planned next, but not a very big part.
When the candy was gone, Merlin led everyone toward the backyard. After checking his Dexcom, he turned to meet Gwen’s eyes and said, "As newly appointed evil party genius, I present my masterpiece.” Merlin stepped out the door and to the side so others could pass. Then, he spread his arms as if embracing the chaos he was about to cause.
The yard was filled with buckets of water, reusable water balloons, and water guns. To accentuate his point, Merlin cackled maniacally.
“You are a madman,” Gwen told him.
Merlin grinned at her and then looked at the others. Arthur and Morgana had already run for the guns, followed by Elyan and Lancelot. Merlin didn’t even have time to mention teams before sheer chaos descended on the yard. He joined it.
Dodging a well-aimed squirt from Leon, Merlin rushed to stockpile water balloons. Morgana got him squarely in the back as he did, but he would have his revenge!
Merlin started chucking balloons at everyone else while ducking behind a bench for cover. From what he could see, Morgana had climbed a tree for better accuracy. Merlin threw a balloon toward her and got sprayed by a blast of water from behind. He looked around, puzzled. He had thought he had the perfect cover. Then he noticed that Arthur had somehow climbed to the bloody roof and was using the elevation to his advantage.
Merlin ran out from behind his cover and rushed over to Lancelot. “Truce?" He asked, pointing to Arthur, who clearly thought he was untouchable.
“Truce,” Lancelot responded with a grin and set down his gun to grab water balloons, as they had longer reach. They were both shot with water multiple times by Morgana as they prepared, but it was worth it, or would be.
They found a place with the perfect angle and started chucking balloons up onto the roof where Arthur was. Lancelot had much better aim than Merlin, and a yelp told them that one of his throws had hit Arthur.
Before he could celebrate, however, Elyan dumped a bucket of water on Merlin from behind. "Ha!"
Merlin turned, gasping at the sudden downpour, his bangs now plastered to his forehead.
“I will avenge you,” Lancelot called out and started chucking water balloons at Elyan's retreating figure. Gwen, however, got to Elyan first, shooting him with the gun she must have gotten from him.
“Traitor!” Elyan called to his sister. Gwen just laughed.
Morgana was down from her tree now and made a mad dash to refill her gun from one of the tubs. Merlin used the opportunity to throw the contents of another bucket of water in her direction.
Arthur, now no longer the subject of balloon assault, got Merlin squarely in the chest with a well-aimed blast of water.
“This means war!” Merlin called up to him. Arthur only grinned in response.
Merlin ran towards where he knew Lancelot had set down his gun. He was lucky it was still on the ground. Then, he ran toward a folding ladder leaning against the wall of the house. Gwen seemed to realize his plan and reached the ladder before he did, pulling it into the yard. With a nod of thanks, Merlin climbed and blasted Arthur with water. Arthur tried to blast him back, only to realize his gun was out of water. Merlin laughed in triumph.
Arthur climbed down with agility and rushed to refill his gun, and Merlin used the opportunity to shoot him repeatedly. All was fair here. Turning, Arthur aimed his gun at Merlin, grinning evilly with the most prattish expression on his face. Merlin forgot the rest of the fight: what mattered was getting Arthur as soaked as humanly possible. They faced off, aiming only at each other.
Their distraction was quickly exploited. Elyan and Lancelot poured an entire tub of water over Arthur, and Leon, Gwen, and Morgana poured another on Merlin.
Merlin sputtered at the sudden deluge of water. Then, he noted how Arthur's now completely soaked shirt clung to and showed off his body. He stared. Arthur was not built like Merlin had expected, with abs of steel. He was muscular, but softer than that. Merlin wondered what it would be like to snuggle with Arthur on a bed, to sleep curled up against that chest. Or to stroke it, stroking it would be nice; or kissing it. Suddenly, sheer desire for Arthur surged through him stronger than ever before, and he felt himself harden. Thank goodness his pants would hide that.
Merlin wanted him — and he wanted him badly. The desires he usually worked so hard to suppress burst through the lock he had on them. He desperately tried to dam up his feelings, struggling with the pull he felt toward Arthur. The desire to throw his arms around him and kiss him senseless. To rip his clothing off and have him right then and there.
But he couldn’t… Even if Arthur felt the same, somehow he couldn't… He couldn’t… He couldn’t!
Arthur was staring at him as well, he realized. He had a stunned and hungry expression on his face.
Merlin stammered something about preparing for the next game and ran back inside the house. Yanking the door closed, he staggered over to a wall and leaned his forehead against it. Merlin could feel the tears form in his eyes. The cost of saying no was burying him. Holding himself back was no longer just hard; it was agony. The same sudden agony as he had felt during the karaoke contest stabbed him. He thought he had made his peace, but then Arthur came and made it all so much more difficult. Merlin mourned what could have been. For what he wanted so badly.
Because he couldn’t… He couldn’t ever… He could never be with Arthur. He would not do that to him.
Slowly, Merlin pulled himself together, drying his eyes.
By the time he yanked open the door to yell to the others that it was time for drinking games, he was fully in control of himself once again.
Arthur seemed distracted, often staring at Merlin even more than usual as they played the drinking games into the night. Or, rather, the others played drinking games, and Merlin joined them with water.
Merlin dreaded what Arthur’s stare meant. He dreaded Arthur acting on the feelings Merlin now realized he likely had. If there was ever a time to pull away from him, it would be now, but Merlin couldn’t make himself do it. He couldn’t make himself do it. Damn him. He couldn’t make himself do it.
Arthur was unable to sleep as he got into bed. Mainly because whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was Merlin in a wet, see-through shirt. Arthur had always been told muscular bodies were preferable, but there was something about Merlin's thin, lanky frame that drew him in. He was so handsome, and the sparse black chest hair he had been able to spot through the wet shirt was utterly and completely alluring. He had known he was in love with Merlin. He had known he desired him. But he had not realized that Merlin’s build was utterly sinful, and he wanted to fuck and be fucked into deliriousness with a fierce ache that showed no sign of letting up.
Arthur moaned and pressed a pillow onto his upturned face to stifle the sound. He was hard as a rock and throbbing with desire. He moved his hands into his pants, letting go of the pillow, which fell to the side. He stroked and rubbed his shaft harder and harder, faster and faster, as his back arched off the bed. He imagined Merlin there with him. How they would explore each other's bodies; how it would feel to do all he desired, and have all he desired done to him. When he felt his release, he imagined Merlin there with him, and how it would feel to spill his seed all over that narrow chest or into his tight rear. As he climaxed, Arthur moaned loudly and fell back onto the bed.
He moved an arm over his forehead as he lay there. What would Merlin think if he knew what he was doing right now? If he knew how much Arthur desired him — and not just physically? He wanted Merlin with his mind and with his heart. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with a man he had met a month ago. It had not been enough time to decide something like that! But perhaps... Perhaps he would soon confess and ask Merlin to date him.
Arthur woke early the next morning, the day of his birthday party, and realized in his panic what he had not last night: his sheets! He had to hide the evidence! He tore the cloth off his bed and ran down to the room in the basement of the Pendragon mansion where he thought laundry was done.
Unfortunately, George and Bronwen were already there. The couple who worked as housekeepers to the Pendragon family stared at Arthur as he stood there holding the stained sheets and trying to figure out what to say.
Bronwen took pity on him first. “They go in there,” she told Arthur, pointing to the correct washing machine.
Arthur stuffed them inside it and looked back at them. “You won’t tell anyone about…”
“No,” George confirmed.
“Who is the lady? You’ve finally fallen for someone?” Bronwen asked excitedly.
George elbowed her. “That is not appropriate to ask.”
For once, Arthur was ridiculously grateful for George's stuffy personality and insistence on proper servant behavior.
Arthur backed out of the room without answering Bronwen and returned to his bedroom. He had the day off, so he spent most of it finishing Morgana’s book and researching various environmental causes, as well as ways to make things better for employees.
As the time neared five, he quickly changed into his tuxedo and moved down the grand staircase towards the door so he would be ready to greet incoming guests. The foyer had been transformed through the day. Food and drink tables lined the walls, and in the middle was a many-layered gourmet birthday cake. The rest of the room would be for guests to stand around talking.
Uther nodded to Arthur as he took up his place near the door, likely happy his son was obeying him when it came to the party at least.
Merlin was the first person to arrive, dutifully in the suit Arthur had bought him. Arthur gestured him over quickly. “You’re my PA, you come over here.” Merlin, who looked ridiculously good in a tuxedo despite his hatred for them, moved to his side. He locked his hands behind his back, standing just a step behind Arthur.
“Where did you hide your pump this time?” Arthur asked him softly.
Merin grinned at him and set his emergency bag on a nearby table with a giant flower vase on top. “You will never know!”
“It’s in the normal spot around your ankle you use when you don’t want it near your waist, isn’t it? With that wrap you said you got that is formally used for hiding microphones on actors?”
Merlin scowled at him in a way that indicated he had guessed right. “You will never know,” he repeated.
Arthur shook his head and faced forward as the guests started to arrive. He never knew ahead of time who his father would invite: owners of other businesses, especially the ones Albion Enterprises worked with; high-up members of their own company; people he wanted to flatter or network with; people in government, and more. Arthur did, however, recognize most when he saw them, either because they were connected to Albion Enterprises, had come to other parties, or were too famous not to know.
Arthur greeted guests upon guests, engaging in the expected meaningless small talk with each group that arrived. He was very glad Merlin was there, as the man seemed to have a supernatural ability to tell who Arthur liked and who he disliked. He would offer soft comments about the later ones that brought a smile to Arthur's face after they moved on.
“That Valiant man seems like a creep… I bet you he wears a fedora when not at a formal gathering…”
“Well, Vivian was rude. Please tell me she's not one of the ones your father wants you to marry. If you ever give in to her advances, I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore due to your total lack of taste.”
“Alined is definitely not happy to be here. That was the fakest smile I have seen in my life. I wonder why he even came.”
As soon as all the guests had arrived, Uther gently but firmly grabbed Arthur’s shoulder and pulled him over to the many-layered cake. Arthur lost Merlin in the crowd as he followed his father.
Still holding him, Uther began his typical speech: “My son, and the future of Albion Enterprises, is another year older! That is certainly something to celebrate! I know you all must be concerned about recent changes and information leaks, but we’re here united in our work towards the best future for the company, and we’re stronger than ever, despite attempts to bring us down! I’m so proud of you, Arthur! And happy we can all be here to celebrate your birthday with many who are friends to Albion Enterprises!”
There was a time, not too long ago, when Arthur believed the speeches given at his birthday. The ones in which Uther claimed to be proud of him and spoke about their strong future. He wanted to believe him, desperately wanting those words to be true. But he knew now that it was just play-acting, more about image than reality. When it was his turn to be CEO and give speeches, he would make his truthful. He would address reality and try to give people hope based on that. If he honored someone, he would tell the truth.
Still, since Arthur was not CEO yet, he stood dutifully near his father and cut the cake when asked. It was blackberry and elderflower sponge cake; Arthur would have preferred chocolate, but made a point to take the first bite of his own piece and make proper appreciative sounds. When he took over, he would make sure the cake was a fancy chocolate one, perhaps with chai or coffee-flavored buttercream. He could imagine it now.
As the guests began to drift and talk amongst themselves, Arthur made sure to have proper conversations with people throughout the night. Merlin found his way back to his side and even acted civil — that was until Vivian approached.
“My mother wants me to tell you that your cake is very good.” Vivian looked less than thrilled to deliver the message. “She overruled my father, who wants me nowhere near you. We both know it’s a lie, but I was told to say you look very handsome, and that I would love to talk with you privately.” Her tone as she said the words made it very clear she wanted anything but. Her arms were crossed against her chest, in case Arthur did not get the message from her tone. Vivian was always unique among the girls shoved at Arthur during these events in the fact that she liked it about as much as Arthur did.
“Why do you do it?” Merlin interrupted rudely.
Vivian looked at him as if he were an unpleasant bug. “Excuse me. Who are you, and why are you speaking to me?”
“He’s my PA,” Arthur spoke up, giving Merlin a warning look.
“You obviously don’t want to be here with Arthur, so why do you do it?” Merlin ignored the look. He seemed abnormally cross.
“Because my family holds my purse strings,” Vivian told him as if he were the slowest of idiots.
Merlin rolled his eyes. “Oh, of course.”
Arthur stepped close to Merlin to shut him up. “Well, you’ve done it,” he told Vivian. “See you next year.”
“And you.” Vivian walked away.
Arthur rounded on Merlin, then realized he was unsure what to even say.
“Feel free to scold me,” Merlin told him. “It was worth it.”
Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew he should scold him. But then, it suddenly occurred to him that Merlin might be jealous. He should not have been happy about that; he certainly should not have been so happy about that. “Just… try to show a little civility, please?”
As Merlin opened his mouth, a new feminine voice interrupted them.
“Excuse me, Arthur? It's good to see you are well.” The statement was followed by a burp and an “Oh dear, I had hoped one piece of cake would not do that.”
Arthur turned around.
Elena, though blonde, was as different from Vivian as could be. Her hair was flyaway, and her clothing was not the peak of fashion; instead, she wore whatever dress her father had made her wear. Arthur was also almost completely sure by now that she and another company heiress, Mithian, were secretly involved.
As he watched, Merlin turned his head, noticing Mithian staring in Elena’s direction, and smiled at the woman before them.
Elena looked at him. “You’re new! Who are you?”
He answered her nicely: “I’m Merlin. I’m Arthur’s PA.”
“Oh, that must be a dreadful job!” she burst out, then looked chagrined. “I didn’t mean that in a nasty way.”
Merlin grinned. “It's horrible. I have to take his laundry and get him coffee, and he never even says thank you…” Arthur scowled.
“Oh, I love coffee!” Elena said agreeably. “Well, I said hello; I should go.” She waved and stumbled off.
“I was unaware that working for me is so horrible.” Arthur crossed his arms; Merlin just smiled at him.
“Oh, it's the worst! You are a prat and impatient and…”
“And you get to spend all the time you want at Morgana and Gwen’s, talking to Lancelot, and even somehow always manage to arrange to go to a restaurant I have never heard of but where the staff knows you by name.”
Merlin grinned wider. “Alright, the food is definitely a plus,” he admitted, then smiled even more insolently. “I view it as my reward for putting up with you."
Arthur lifted a finger. “Well—”
“Arthur!” The female voice interrupted them.
Arthur turned and repressed a groan. Unlike the previous two women, Emmaline was utterly and completely smitten with him; and unlike most of the other girls who felt the same she had no problem acting on it in inappropriate ways.
Tossing her brown hair over her shoulder, she fluttered her lashes. “Do you remember our kiss last year?”
Oh, Arthur remembered it alright. She had pressed her lips against his abruptly and wrapped her arms around him so he couldn’t pull away without hurting her. She had made the kiss a deep one — her tongue battling with Arthur's locked teeth — without caring if he reciprocated.
His father had told him he should be flattered by her attention when he had asked him not to invite her this year. Arthur had hoped he might listen despite that. Perhaps that had been foolish.
“I remember. I’m hoping not to repeat the performance.” It was rude to say such a thing, but Arthur didn’t care anymore. His skin crawled, and he just wanted her gone.
She took a step forward, and Arthur took a step back. “You enjoyed it. I know you did. Why are you so shy?”
Arthur forced the polite smile to remain on his face. “You are mistaken,” he told her firmly. Merlin had left his side, he noticed. Why now of all times!? “Unless you have something to say to me, I think you should go,” he told Emmaline.
“But I don’t want to go.” She took a step forward again.
Arthur spotted Merlin. The other man was coming back quickly. He had his hand around a wine glass he had picked up and bloody murder in his eyes. It didn’t take a genius to put together his plan.
“You need to go anyway,” Arthur told her firmly. “Right now!”
“You are being rude, Arthur Pendragon!”
Something in Arthur snapped. He looked her dead in the eye. “You don’t get to call me rude. Not after you kissed me when we barely knew each other and held me so I couldn’t get free. I don’t care if I should be flattered. It was rude, and it was wrong.”
In the background, Arthur could see what seemed to be a proud look on Merlin’s face. Then he looked at the wine in his hand as if debating himself.
Emmaline glared at Arthur and stormed off before Merlin could mount his attack.
Merlin moved to his side, quickly discarding the wine glass on a table. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.
“Never better,” Arthur told him, minimizing what had just happened.
The parade of heiresses and investors continued. Arthur calmed down now that Emmaline was gone, but he was starting to realize something. He was starting to realize just how wrong his father was! Not just in terms of the environment — it was in how he treated Arthur, too!
Arthur knew that his birthday party had to be used for the company. But why had his father never scheduled the party on a day other than his actual birthday and given him a good day of his own? A day sort of like Merlin had given him? Why had his father invited Emmaline again and told Arthur he should be flattered? His father loved him; Arthur knew that. But why was his love so often conditional? Why had he never treated Arthur like Merlin’s mother treated him? Why had he never hugged him? Merlin's mum had.
“It's not right, is it? What my dad said… that I should be flattered she kissed me.” Arthur spoke just loud enough for Merlin to hear. “It's not right how he treats me.” He needed another person to confirm the thoughts that were going through his head.
“No,” Merlin told him firmly. “It's not.” Arthur felt Merlin's hand squeeze his shoulder. The comfort was welcome.
“I don’t understand. I know he cares about me…”
Merlin took a deep breath. “Some people… can be selfish in their love. Some people are so empty inside that when they care about someone, they can’t treat them like they should be treated. Or they put other things above that.”
Arthur took a deep breath and grabbed Merlin's arm. He couldn’t focus on the party or his duties, which he had been doing for hours. “Come with me.” He practically pulled Merlin up the grand staircase, through a sliding glass door, and onto a mostly-hidden balcony.
He finally let go of Merlin's arm then, standing in the night air and placing both his hands on the white fence-like railing that surrounded this part of the mansion.
“Even back when I did everything he wanted, it was never enough.” Arthur was spilling his heart to Merlin, the only person he felt safe sharing it with. “I tried to keep my grades perfect… And when I graduated, I came to work for him and did everything he wanted.” He could hear the pain in his own voice. “He was happier with me then, but I don’t think he’s ever been truly happy with who I am…”
Merlin moved up next to him, gripping the railing as well with one hand and putting the other on Arthur's arm. “I’m sorry.”
“What was your father like?” Arthur asked him.
Merlin winced. “I.. don’t normally talk about him…” but then he continued before Arthur could tell him he didn’t have to. “He was wonderful. He cared deeply about me and my mother and taught me so many things. He died when I was around nine. It was so hard on my mum and on me…” Merlin trailed off. Arthur thought he might keep going, but Merlin was silent.
“Do you think he’d be proud of you?” Arthur asked.
“I hope so,” Merlin replied.
"He would be,” Arthur told him. “Do you think there would ever be any way to make my father proud of me?”
Merlin didn’t hesitate and answered Arthur honestly. Arthur loved him for that. “I’m not sure. I don’t know if it's possible. But I do think any chance of it might require you to change who you are and throw aside any intention of making good changes to the company, and I don’t think you should do that.”
Arthur took a deep breath. “Then it's time for me to accept it. I will never be who my father wants me to be… I will always be a disappointment.”
“I’m so sorry,” Merlin told him as they stared out at the stars.
“Me too,” Arthur whispered and turned to look at him. “But I think I can handle it.”
“I know you can.” Merlin gave Arthur a soft, reassuring smile. Arthur could feel his heart speed up. He was extremely aware of Merlin's full lips.
He leaned in slowly, slow enough for him to pull away, and gently pressed his lips against Merlin's. He didn’t grab him at first, either; he wanted to make sure Merlin wanted this, too.
But Merlin didn’t pull away. Instead, he tilted his head into the kiss and closed his eyes. Arthur wrapped his arms around him, bending him back slightly. There were no words for how good it felt to finally kiss Merlin. To feel Merlin kissing him back.
“I think I love you,” Arthur breathed, pulling back for just a moment and then leaning in again. Warm sunlight spread through Arthur's body from where their lips touched despite the moon above them. Merlin and his lips felt more like home than the mansion ever had. They kissed under the moonlight like two lovers long separated who had found each other again. They kissed like a pair of new lovers, giddy and intoxicated by each other. And it was wonderful. So wonderful.
When Arthur finally released Merlin, Merlin stood there in shock for a moment. His eyes were closed, and his hand went to his lips as if savoring the feeling of the kiss. Then his eyes opened wide. “No!”
Arthur stared at him, feeling a rush of panic. “No?”
“We can’t do this! We can’t!” Tears streamed down Merlin’s cheeks.
“You don’t feel the same.” Arthur could feel his heart breaking.
“No,” Merlin repeated, “I love you… it's why… I can’t… We can’t… I love you, Arthur, but this… It can’t happen. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Merlin was full-on sobbing.
“I don’t understand.” Arthur tried to make sense of what was happening. “Is it because I am your boss? Is it because of my father?”
“No,” Merlin told him. “No!” His voice was filled with agony. “It's because of me. It's my fault. I can’t. We can’t. I love you. I’m so sorry.” And then, before Arthur could stop him, Merlin turned and ran.
Chapter 7: Stay
Chapter Text
“Merlin!” Arthur tried to follow, but Merlin was bloody fast when he wanted to be. Arthur searched the entire manor for him and found nothing; he had left. He pulled out his phone, pressed Merlin's name and hesitated with his thumb over the keypad. What would he even say? What should he even do? He didn’t know. He didn’t know!
Arthur faced the rest of the party like a robot, only partly aware of what was going on around him. His thoughts were on Merlin. After the party, he almost texted him a few times that night, but again, ran into the obstacle of not knowing what to say. In the end, he retreated to his room, wrapped his arms around his legs, and cried as he hadn’t since he was a teenager. He didn’t know what to say; he didn’t know what to do. He could only hope Merlin would still turn up for work.
The worst part was he had no idea why they couldn’t be together. If they both loved each other, wasn’t that enough? More than anything, he wanted to convince Merlin to give them a shot. But what if Merlin had a good reason? He didn’t want to force him against his will. Arthur sobbed in the quiet where no one could hear him. Where no one would ever know. What should he do?
The meeting Uther called the next day was the first one Arthur had ever missed. At his desk in his office, his mind was still racing as he tried to figure out what to do. Merlin hadn’t come in yet but that didn’t mean… He wouldn't think about that. His father would be angry with him for missing the meeting that, by Arthur's calculations, should be almost over, but if Arthur went to the meeting now, his father would KNOW something was going on. Arthur could not focus on anything.
When his phone beeped from a text message, Arthur pulled it out from his suit pocket and felt his heart pound, relief stirring within. It was Merlin.
He stared at the message in his phone for a while, trying to figure out what it said. This wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right. The spelling was atrocious and full of typos compared to Merlin's usual insistence of typing everything out and not even using shortcuts. Something was very, very wrong. Arthur was finally able to figure out the words, “At the back entrance, do you want coffee?” Thrusting his phone back into his pocket, Arthur set out for the back entrance at a run.
He spilled out the back door into the alleyway that contained the office’s trash bins and not much else. “Merlin!?” he called, looking around. It took a moment for him to spot it, the figure who lay on his side with his face towards the wall of the office building.
Arthur rushed forward faster than he had ever moved in his life. He knelt beside the prone figure. “MERLIN? MERLIN!” Arthur rolled him over onto his back.
Merlin's head lolled. His eyes were closed, and he showed no sign of being able to hear Arthur. His breathing came only in shallow wheezes through blue lips. Asthma attack!
If Merlin was unconscious, this was already an emergency. Arthur pulled out his phone, put it on speaker mode, and dialed 999. Then he carefully shifted Merlin so he was upright, leaning against the building. Merlin's head fell to the side sickeningly.
“Hello, what is your emergency?” A female voice asked.
Arthur started rambling. “I’m with my friend Merlin Emrys outside Albion Enterprises. I found him unconscious! He has type one diabetes, bad asthma, and an allergy to shellfish. He’s wheezing and struggling to breathe. I think it's an asthma attack. His lips and fingers are blue. You need to send an ambulance now!”
As he spoke, Arthur noted he could smell fruit… No… Merlin’s breath smelled like fruit. Oh god. He grabbed Merlin's phone and checked the Dexcom app. Sure enough, Merlin’s blood sugar levels were through the roof. Oh god. Oh god. Merlin was having an emergency-level hyperglycemia episode. He was having an emergency-level hyperglycemia episode and an emergency-level asthma attack at the same time!
“We’ve sent an ambulance to your location; stay on the line with me.” The voice told him.
“I just checked! His blood sugar is 326mg/dLl!” Arthur forced down the panic and desperation that threatened to overwhelm him.
The voice from his phone was determinedly calm. “I need you to check how his heart is doing. Do you know how to take a pulse?”
Arthur moved his fingers to Merlin's neck, feeling the rapid throbbing underneath his touch. “It's too fast.”
He suddenly realized he had not told the ambulance they were out back, and even if he had, it was better for the people in it to be able to reach Merlin right away, right? He hooked Merlin's emergency bag on one arm, lifted his phone and Merlin’s into a pocket, and scooped Merlin up in his arms.
Then he started running.
Merlin's head fell to the side against Arthur's chest. His wheezing was getting weaker! And his face. It shouldn't be that pale.
“Can you tell us if there is any swelling, redness, or hives? Perhaps a running nose?” The voice asked.
“No, none of that,” Arthur told them as he rushed to the front of the building, clutching Merlin to himself.
“Then we need you to lay him down in a recovery position and keep an eye on his breathing. Do you know how to do that?”
“Yes,” Arthur confirmed, voice breaking. As he reached the front parking lot of Albion Enterprises, Arthur fell to his knees and gently laid Merlin on the concrete before carefully rolling him onto his side in the recovery position as ordered.
“I brought him to the front of the building, he's in a recovery position.” He watched Merlin struggling more and more to breathe. Each desperate wheeze was clearly a great effort as his chest struggled to rise. Arthur could see his entire face turning blue. “There has to be something I can do.” He demanded, “Tell me something I can do!”
“The best thing you can do is monitor his breathing,” the voice told him. “The ambulance is almost there now.”
“Hurry!” Arthur didn’t know why he was telling the voice on the phone this. It would not speed things up. All he knew was that the words came from the depth of his soul and were what he needed. Help had to get there now! It had to get there right now because Arthur was sitting with the man he loved watching him slowly die.
“They’re coming, Merlin. Help is coming, stay with me. Stay with me.” Arthur smoothed back Merlin's hair.
Merlin's wheezing continued to weaken. Arthur should have texted him last night; perhaps this would not have happened!
He was forced out of the state of what-ifs as the ambulance finally pulled up. The emergency workers rushed out, and Arthur watched as they lifted Merlin onto a stretcher and moved into the vehicle.
He moved to follow Merlin into the ambulance automatically, but a hand grabbed his shoulder.
Arthur looked back into the furious face of his father.
“I forbid you to go in there with him,” Uther ordered. “Rumors are already starting to spread. If you go into the ambulance with him, people are even more likely to think you have feelings for him.”
Arthur yanked his arm from his father’s grasp. He had never cared less about what his father thought. Merlin was DYING. “I do!” he snapped, then rushed into the ambulance.
Immediately, one of the team members showed Arthur where to sit and strapped him in.
He watched in mesmerized horror as Merlin was laid on a bed and attached to an IV. His finger was pricked for his blood sugar level.
“He's in a severe hypoglycemic episode and possible status asthmaticus,” said the man who seemed to be in charge. “Try the Nebulizer at 20-minute intervals and see if he responds to it; at other times, I want him on pure oxygen.”
Merlin lay limply on the bed as a mask was pressed over his face. He looked so different from the animated, energetic man Arthur knew. He looked frail and helpless. Arthur had never thought of him as frail and helpless before.
Arthur quickly brushed his own eyes to force away possible tears. He wanted to ask what was happening, if Merlin would be alright, and if he could hold his hand, but he also didn’t want to distract those working to help him.
Why hadn’t he messaged Merlin the night after their kiss?
“He’s stopped breathing!” the head doctor announced.
“No.” Arthur found himself gasping out the word. His own breathing hitched. He had to force himself to breathe. No, this couldn't be happening. Merlin couldn't have stopped breathing. He couldn't!!
“Going to intubate,” the doctor continued, pointing at three workers in turn. “You get the medicine in the IV, you get me the tools, and you get the defibrillator set up in case he codes.”
In case he codes… That meant... In case his heart stopped… But Merlin's heart wouldn’t stop; it couldn't… Arthur would never forgive himself for not messaging him after the kiss if Merlin died here like this. Belatedly, he realized he was pulling fistfuls of his own hair in his agony. He made himself let go and lowered his hands.
As Arthur watched helplessly, one of the emergency personnel rushed to bring tools to the main doctor's side, and another put something into Merlin’s IV. The final one cut open Merlin's shirt, exposing his thin, pale torso, and placed the defibrillator pads on his chest.
Don’t code. Arthur didn’t know who he was praying to. Don’t let him code.
The voices continued to swirl around him. “A minute has passed. The medication should have kicked in. Keep an eye on his vitals.”
The doctor in charge tilted Merlin's head back and opened his mouth. He then placed some metal instrument inside and, after a moment, carefully began to lower a tube down his throat. It was horrifying to watch. This image would be scarred into Arthur’s mind for the rest of his life. This entire experience would be. Why did this have to happen?
“Vital signs fluctuating slightly,” one of the emergency personnel warned.
“I've got it in." The doctor pulled the metal instrument out, which Arthur could now see had a camera of sorts attached. “Inflating to secure!” he replied, continuing, then grabbed a stethoscope and listened to Merlin's chest. “It’s placed right! Use the tape. And you bag him. Until we get to the hospital."
The woman next to Merlin attached an almost bottle-looking plastic bag to the tube coming from Merlin's mouth and squeezed it. To Arthur's utter relief, he could see Merlin's chest rise — not fully, but it did rise. That was something.
Arthur was barely aware of his surroundings as they reached the hospital. Instead, he watched Merlin for signs of life that had never arrived. Merlin was wheeled frantically to an intensive care unit, a room full of machines. As Arthur moved to follow, a red-haired nurse with a face full of sympathy grabbed his hand and led him like a child into the room next to the unit. Arthur looked around, noting a sofa, cots, and small tables. But what was actually important as far as Arthur was concerned was the large glass window he could look through to see the room Merlin was in.
“I’ll update you as soon as possible when we know more about his condition," the nurse assured him. “Just know right now that we are doing what we can for him.”
Arthur didn’t reply; he just moved to stand near the window. Merlin was being hooked up to multiple machines, but despite this, he still showed no signs of improving. Arthur could only place a hand on the glass, wishing he could be in there to comfort him, and watch the emergency workers rush around Merlin’s unconscious form.
He only eventually looked away from Merlin as the door to the room he was in opened. He had hoped it was the nurse with an update.
It wasn’t.
Hunith and Gaius entered, both clearly devastated. Arthur hadn’t even thought about them. Oh, god. He ached for them.
Hunith immediately fell onto the middle of the sofa, sobbing. Gaius sat by her side, obviously trying to keep himself together. Both their eyes riveted on Merlin, who was fighting for his life alone in the other room.
Without thinking, Arthur sat on Hunith’s other side and wrapped his arms around her. Perhaps he wanted to comfort her. Perhaps he wanted to be comforted by the hug himself. He didn't know. He didn’t care. Hunith wrapped her arms around him in turn, and they held onto each other for dear life while they watched Merlin in the other room.
Time passed. The red-headed nurse stepped in again to talk to the three of them.
“I’m Lisa,” she began. “I’m a nurse in the ICU. I know you must have many questions about what is happening, so I’m here to talk to you about Merlin’s treatment and update you when I can.”
“How is my boy?” Hunith managed, in a strangled gasp.
“Merlin had a severe asthma attack, and went into a diabetic coma at the same time,” Lisa explained. “From our records, he usually takes good care of his diabetes and keeps it well managed, so we’re guessing there was a sudden onset asthmatic attack, and the mind fogginess it can produce stopped him from getting the insulin he needed.”
“But you can save him,” Arthur interrupted. “He’ll live.” Merlin had to live, and he needed to hear the nurse say it.
“He is getting the very best care right now; that's our goal.” A non-answer.
“Tell us more about what is happening to him,” Gaius requested. “In detail.”
“The hyperglycemia has caused Diabetic Ketosis, which is an excess of ketones in the body,” Lisa told them. “Ketones are chemicals produced by the liver that are normally controlled with insulin. The lack of insulin has allowed them to build up to toxic levels. Essentially, Merlin is being poisoned. We'll give him everything he needs to break them down, but it might take some time, and it will put enormous stress on his body.” Lisa paused for a moment to make sure they understood. “Since he started responding well to treatment for his hyperglycemia in the ambulance, that strain on him is our big concern with the hyperglycemia. It could cause his asthma to be more complex to manage and might cause complications that could be too much for him to endure.”
Arthur gripped Hunith tighter at the mention of poison and how the strain on Merlin's body might be too much. He looked so weak and helpless in the other room. He did not look like he had the strength to overcome what the nurse was talking about. But Merlin was strong. Arthur knew he was strong.
“And the rest?” Gaius’s tone was low, filled with pain.
“Merlin is suffering from status asthmaticus, meaning the most severe, and treatment resistant, kind of asthma attack. We’re currently fighting to keep his airways open. The respirator is making him breathe as much as possible as we give him medications to help. I will update you more as soon as I can. Do you have any other questions?”
“I want to be with him,” Hunith practically begged.
“As soon as it’s safe, and you would not get in the way, we will let you in," the nurse assured them. “Right now, we are focusing on doing everything we can to give him the best chance.” She left them in the room and made her exit.
“Has this ever happened before?” Arthur's tone sounded numb to his own ears, a massive contrast to the panic and emotions inside.
“Nothing this bad…” Gaius told him.
“Right. Right.” Arthur moved away, pulled his knees up, and wrapped his arms around them. He sat staring into the other room. The doctors moved around, clearly trying different things to help as Merlin lay unresponsive. Sometimes, Arthur was pretty sure his chest stopped rising. But it always started again, no matter how shallowly. Merlin was holding on.
Arthur could see the pads on his chest in case he coded, a tube down his throat to try to make him breathe. Because he wasn't doing it on his own . He wasn’t breathing, and Arthur knew that that was one step towards being dead.
What would he do if Merlin died? He would remember him for the rest of his life. He knew that. He would cherish the memories. And he would never, ever forgive himself for not texting after the kiss. That was all he could decide before his mind recoiled from the very idea of it. From Merlin's death. Because he wouldn't die… He wouldn’t… Merlin was strong despite how he appeared. He wouldn’t die.
A few hours later, Lisa entered the room again.
They all looked up at her.
“Merlin has continued to respond well to the medicine for his hyperglycemia. He’s slowly breaking down the ketones, which is the best we can hope for. We've managed to keep his blood sugar stable as well, but we’re having a harder time with his lungs. Some of the medication we’ve used has opened the bronchi, which are the smaller tubes in his lungs, but we're having trouble making them stay open and maintaining a good oxygen level. So far, we’re looking at minor to no brain damage since we’ve managed to keep the times he cannot get any oxygen at all short enough, and other times, we’re giving him enough pure oxygen to compensate.”
Brain damage — Arthur had not even considered that. Had they said low? They had said low — low to none.
“Is he still... in danger of dying?” Arthur asked. The answer should be no. The answer had to be no.
“I’m sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear, but the answer to that question is yes,” Lisa told him sympathetically. “We’re giving him the very best care. If we cannot get the tubes in his lungs to stay open, or if the strain on his body or the complications cause him to code… then yes, he could die. We’re doing our very best to avoid that. I might be able to get you in during one of the times the medicine is working well. I’ll ask.”
That time came early the next morning. Hunith and Arthur had stayed the night while Gaius had to go home — he was an old man, after all. It was the longest and worst night of Arthur's life. He spent it all staring at Merlin and willing him to survive.
Lisa opened the door. “You can see him now, but if his levels dip again, you’ll have to leave.”
Arthur jumped up and then stumbled. His legs had fallen asleep. He caught himself and followed the nurse and Hunith into the next room.
Both of them stood on opposite sides. Hunith took one of Merlin's hands. Arthur hesitated a moment, then grabbed the other one.
People always described unconscious people as looking like they were sleeping. Arthur now knew those people were stupid. Merlin looked nothing like he was sleeping. He was much too pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. Besides that, there was just a feeling of absence from him that terrified Arthur more than he could say.
“You can survive this,” Hunith told her son. “Please, you have to survive this… Don’t go the way of your father... Live… Merlin, please.”
Arthur struggled to find the right words. “Just stay alive. We’re both here, so you don’t get out of fighting to come back. Keep fighting.”
They sat with Merlin until a male nurse called out. “They’ve closed again completely! It's not working! His oxygen levels are falling!”
Arthur and Hunith were politely but firmly ushered away and led back into their room.
“What were you saying about his father?” Arthur asked. He needed a distraction from what he had just heard. Anything. Anything would do.
Hunith hesitated and then gestured for Arthur to sit down.
“Merlin's father, my love Balinor, had the same health conditions. He died when Merlin was very young. It was much like this, an asthma attack and a diabetic coma at the same time. Complications happened… They couldn’t… They couldn’t save him.”
Hunith’s face twisted with grief and anguish that Arthur was terrified he might soon feel as well.
“We had to watch it happen. Merlin had to see my grief,” Hunith told him softly.
Arthur ached for them inside. Then, realization hit him like a lightning bolt. He remembered how Merlin had cried at the club. How Merlin told Arthur he loved him and wished it was different but they could never be. How he had implied it was because of some problem with him. Taking into account Merlin's selfless tendencies, it all came together.
It was stupid. It was noble in a completely misguided way. And it was so MERLIN.
In his stupid, selfless way, Merlin had internalized what had happened to his father. He had decided not to be in a relationship because he had seen his mother's grief.
Merlin must have sworn to himself he would never do what his father had done to a significant other. In a complete and ridiculous disregard for his own happiness, he must have decided that he would never have a significant other. Arthur wanted to laugh; he wanted to cry. It was SO MERLIN.
And in typical Merlin fashion, it was stupid. He was wrong. He deserved to be happy. Arthur would choose a shorter time with Merlin over a longer time with anyone else. If Merlin had ever asked his mother, Arthur knew she would have told him that being with his father was worth it. But Merlin probably had not asked because he didn't want to hurt her. Of course he hadn’t.
Not being in a relationship also did not make this any less painful for Arthur. In fact, it was more painful because he kept wondering what could have been if he hadn’t been stupid himself and had just texted Merlin after the party!
“This is why,” Arthur looked at Hunith. “We kissed on the balcony, and then he said he could never be with anyone. This is why. He didn’t want to repeat what happened to you when his father died.”
Huniths eyes widened in realization. “He’s been holding himself back because of…” A hand moved to her mouth. “And now he may never —” She dissolved into sobs again.
Arthur wrapped an arm around her again to comfort her. He was breaking so many rules of what his father taught him real men never did, but he didn’t care.
His heart ached with fierce desperation. He mourned what the man he loved had put himself through. He would have to tell him, tell him he was being an idiot and make him change his mind when he woke.
But that might not happen. He might not wake because Merlin was in critical condition, facing the very thing that had killed his father. Arthur finally broke into sobs. He didn’t have it in himself to be strong anymore.
Merlin's condition continued to fluctuate throughout the night and well into the next day. Arthur and Hunith held each other. Lisa came in with updates. Merlin was doing better; Merlin was doing worse.
Each time it got worse meant a chance to not get better. Arthur knew that. A chance to be too much for Merlin. A chance for him to die if the doctors could not turn it around. It was agony.
Eventually, Arthur fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. When he opened his eyes and realized what had happened, he panicked. “How is he!?" he asked Hunith. “Don’t tell me he’s…”
“No change,” she replied. “The nurse that talks to us is named Heather now.”
“No change” did not last for long. Heather came in shortly after. Arthur's heart started pounding at the grave look on her face. Part of him wanted to cover his ears and spare himself from what she was about to say. But he didn’t.
“His keto levels are normal, but his breathing is worse… I’m so sorry. I know how hard this must be for you all. He's going downhill.”
Arthur found himself glued to the window now. The people in Merlin's room seemed increasingly frantic in their attempts. He could see resignation forming on some faces. They were preparing for Merlin to die. It was again the worst night of his life. He wanted to charge into the medical room. He wanted to at least be with Merlin and get his mother to him as he died. When he asked to go inside, he was only told, “Not yet, not yet”. It was all he could do not to punch the wall.
Desperate, Arthur started bargaining. If Merlin recovered… If they had a chance, Arthur would spoil him for his entire life. Even if he couldn’t convince Merlin to see how stupid he was, he would do everything he could to make his life a happy one.
Finally, Arthur and Hunith were allowed inside the room with Merlin. At first, Arthur thought it might be a good sign, but then he saw the looks on the doctors' faces.
He realized why they were allowed in: it was to say goodbye.
And he… He couldn’t do it. He held one of Merlin's hands, rubbing it gently with his thumb. He stared at Merlin's expressionless blue face and just started repeating the word “Live” over and over again. It was all he wanted. It was all he cared about right now.
Hunith was able to tell Merlin how much she loved him, that she was happy he was her son, and that she was grateful for the time they had together.
And Arthur wanted to do something similar. But he couldn’t make himself say the words, because that was giving up, that was acknowledging Merlin was going to die.
He tuned out the many emergency workers and just focused on Merlin, willing him to survive. It took Hunith shaking his shoulder before he started paying attention to what was going on around him.
“The levels… they’ve stopped worsening. He’s… he’s holding on…”
Arthur started crying all over again. He was holding on? There was hope?
“You're doing it.” He continued to rub Merlin's hand. “You wonderful, wonderful, stubborn man. That's it! Do it. Be yourself; death doesn't get to tell you what to do.”
“Oxygen levels are rising. Get them out of the room. See if we can take advantage of this and stabilize him.”
Another day passed like that before a black-haired nurse opened the door and came into the room that night. She had a wide smile on her face. “Merlin’s bronchial tubes have stayed open for over an hour now. It looks like he is stabilizing.”
“He’ll… he’ll recover?” Arthur's knees gave out. He managed to fall onto the sofa instead of the floor.
“It's highly likely,” the nurse confirmed, beaming at them.
Arthur felt the tears running down his face.
Hunith and Arthur had figured out a sleep schedule now. Gaius came to visit when he could and was there when the nurse came in and told them that, since Merlin had been stable for over a day now, they were going to wean him off oxygen and try removing his breathing tube.
Arthur laughed and then brought his hands to his mouth to cover the desperate expression of relief on his face. “He's going to live.”
“Yes,” the nurse told them. “It looks like it.”
Arthur laughed again.
Chapter 8: Lovers Live A Little Longer
Chapter Text
The next day, Merlin was slowly but successfully weaned off the oxygen. That evening, they removed the intubator and moved him to a new room outside the Intensive Care ward.
Merlin was breathing on his own. Merlin was alright, they all said. But he was not waking up. He just lay in the bed instead.
Arthur and Hunith sat by his side, and Gaius came and went. They waited far too long. The color was back on his face, and everyone told Arthur that Merlin sleeping was nothing to worry about. But it was not enough for him. He needed Merlin awake and alert.
“I think he’s waking up,” Hunith announced that evening, just after Gaius had gone home.
Arthur stood abruptly and watched transfixed as Merlin's fingers twitched and he moaned slightly.
“Merlin?” Hunith squeezed his hand. “Merlin?”
And Merlin’s eyes opened.
Finally… Finally…
“Mum? What?” Merlin blinked.
Arthur fell onto his chair, unable to breathe for a moment. He stared into Merlin's beautiful blue eyes as they flicked toward him. “Arthur? What?” Merlin asked.
But Arthur could not answer. He could do nothing but breathe quickly, slowly making himself believe that this was real. Merlin was awake. Merlin was alright!
Merlin looked around and seemed to realize what was going on. His face fell. “I’m in the hospital… How bad?”
Hunith answered him. “Very bad. Almost like your father. Oh, Merlin, I’m so glad you're alright.” She squeezed Merlin's hand and leaned in to hug her son.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said as she did. “You must have been so worried. I’m sorry.”
“Oh honey, it was not your fault.” But Arthur could still see the guilt in Merlin's eyes. That guilt that absolutely should not be there! He had to do something.
“You’re an idiot,” he told Merlin, his voice thick with emotion.
Merlins looked up at him with surprised and slightly incredulous eyes from beneath his mum’s hug. “I just woke up, and you are—”
“Yes. I am, because you're being an idiot. You're blaming yourself for how you were born and convincing yourself you’re a burden. Well, you’re not a burden, alright?” Arthur snapped. “You’re a blessing.”
Immediately, Merlin’s face grew angry, whether at fate, at Arthur, or at himself; Arthur was not sure. “Going through what you had to because of me was a blessing!?”
“Urgh, you’re such an idiot!” Arthur continued, “No true blessing comes without a slight cost. It’s… It’s like a car. Just imagine the best car in existence. It needs maintenance, right? But you don’t care and do it because it's a really good car!”
“You’re comparing me to a car.” Merlin's tone was dry.
“Yes, I am! I don't know how to put this into better words, would you prefer to be a house… or a boat… or, I don’t know, a computer?”
“No. No, I’m happy being a car.” Merlin smiled very slightly.
Arthur continued with his analogy, “Well, sometimes a car stops working, right? And it's a pain and a hassle, but it's not the car's fault! You just get it to the repair shop and are overjoyed when you learn it can be fixed because that means you have more time with your favorite car!”
The smile fell from Merlin's face. Arthur could guess why.
“We figured it out,” he told Merlin in a softer voice, stepping forward to gently brush his hair from his forehead. “How you’re being a self-sacrificing idiot. How you’re holding back from letting yourself find romantic love because of what happened to your father.”
Immediately, tears formed and started to roll down Merlin's cheeks. “I don’t want anyone to suffer like that… because of me…”
“Oh, Merlin. The time I got to spend with your father was worth suffering a thousand times more than I did when he died.” Hunith moved back from the hug and squeezed Merlin's hand again. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize. That I let you think like this for so long. I am happy I had your father for the time I did… He was extraordinary, and so are you. It was worth it, and I would choose it all again.”
“Like a car or a pet, remember?” Arthur continued stroking Merlin's hair.
“That analogy is not actually flattering,” Merlin whispered through his tears.
“Too bad, you agreed to be a car,” Arthur reminded him. Then he took a deep breath. “I want you, Merlin. I know what could happen, but I don’t care. I want you.”
“You just went through all this!”
“Yes, I did,” Arthur told him. “and do you know what I regretted most? Not texting you after that party and convincing you. Not having had you as mine for a few hours. Merlin, if you die early, I will mourn you; all your friends will mourn you.”
Merlin winced.
“But my point is that none of us would choose to give up the time we spent with you. People who care about you will mourn because they loved you. The only way you get out of this is by never having anyone who loves you in any way, and that… that cannot be done because you’re a human being.”
He pulled Merlin's hand to his lips. “I choose you, Merlin. However many years I have with you, though I hope there will be many, I choose you! So please stop being an idiot?"
“You said please.” Merlin smiled slightly through his tears.
“Not the point!"
Merlin took a deep breath. He looked at his mother. He looked at Arthur. And then he stayed silent for a few minutes while staring into space. The struggle was clear to read on his face.
“I… I suppose I might be being a bit of an idiot…” Merlin finally admitted. “I just… I didn’t want to put anyone through that pain…”
“I know you didn’t. You had the best intentions, you just went about them a stupid way… That seems to be a theme in your life, actually,” Arthur observed.
“Be brave, honey.” Hunith rubbed the hand she held. “You’ve been so brave with everything else. I want you to be brave with this; I want you to live your life as fully as possible in this, like you do with everything else. It's time to show the courage inside you. It's time to realize you don’t need to restrict yourself like this. I know the courage that must take. I’ll support you no matter what you choose. As will Arthur.”
Arthur had thought that was a given. Perhaps not.
Merlin let go of his mother and grabbed Arthur’s hand. He looked him in the eyes with urgency. “Are you sure…? I need to know you’re sure…”
Arthur looked back at him, deep into Merlin's beautiful, beautiful eyes. “I’m sure… I know what could happen. I know, Merlin. And it will be horrible if it happens, but I’ll have the memories. It will be worth it.”
Merlin started to smile softly even as the tears streamed down his face.
“I’ll also be happy I got you to decide not to be an idiot,” Arthur added.
A spasm of laughter escaped from Merlin. Then, his eyes filled with a struggle Arthur could only imagine: the struggle of his final choice. “This isn’t easy,” he said.
“I know,” Arthur told him.
“I choose you too, prat,” Merlin finally whispered. “I choose you.”
Arthur surged forward and pressed his lips against Merlin’s, cradling his face with his hand. Exhilaration, relief, and love ran through every inch of his body. They mixed with the warm sunlight and feeling of home that kissing Merlin brought. Their lips parted only long enough for Arthur to say, “I love you,” before they kissed again. As Merlin's arms wrapped around him, Arthur put every bit of how he loved this miracle of a man into their kiss.
When they finally pulled apart, Merlin looked at him, slightly stunned, then smiled. A smile that made Arthurs's soul light up.
“You know… Tell me if I’m wrong,” Merlin began. “But I’m getting the idea that you love me.”
Arthur grinned. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
He hadn't lost Merlin. They were together . Arthur could hardly believe it.
“Oh, I think we were supposed to press the call button,” Hunith cut in.
About a month later, outside the Pendragon mansion, Arthur shoved the last packed suitcase into his new electric car.
“What do you think you’re doing!?” came the furious voice behind him. Uther had finally noticed. On the third trip.
Arthur turned to face his father in the driveway. He was ready for this confrontation; he had been for a while. “I’m taking the last of what I need from here before I move into the new apartment I bought for myself and my boyfriend.”
“I forbid it!” Uthur practically yelled.
Arthur took a step forward. “I don’t think you understand, Father. You don’t get to forbid me from anything anymore. You tried to forbid me from loving Merlin. It didn’t work. You tried to forbid me from making the company better for the environment. It also didn’t work. I’m sad you cannot just be happy with who I am. But you don’t get to stop me.” Arthur crossed his arms and let the bomb drop. “And if you try to take this out on Merlin in the slightest, I will expose what Morgana found out about your less-than-legal tax activities.”
As Uther was left sputtering, Arthur continued, “I’ll see you at work, Father.”
It was a quick drive to the fancy new apartment he and Merlin would now share. Arthur stepped out of his car and grinned up at it like an idiot. That was until a voice interrupted him.
“Another full carload of stuff? Really, Arthur?”
Arthur turned toward his new boyfriend, who stood with his hands on his hips, head tilted to the side, and eyebrow raised.
“I’m paying the rent; I get to bring any stuff I want,” Arthur told him.
“Well, I hope you also brought someone to carry it in because I’m not helping. Besides, you insisted on paying for the flat; I offered to help.”
Arthur walked over to Merlin, wrapped an arm around him, and kissed him on the cheek. “Yes, but I’m spoiling you. I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to it.”
“Oh, you're spoiling me! Does that mean you’ll do the laundry?” Merlin asked.
Arthur laughed. “Let's not get carried away.”
“Prat.”
“Idiot.”
At work the next day, Arthur received the notice that he and Merlin were to come to his father’s office. “Merlin! My father wants us,” he called out to the company’s new active Environmental Manager. They shared an office now, and Merlin still did some PA-like jobs. But his advice was now actually being used in the capacity he had been hired for.
Merlin looked up and nodded at Arthur before standing up. “What do you think it's about this time?” he asked, after doing a quick check on his levels.
“I don’t know,’” Arthur answered as they headed into Uther's office. “There’s not much he can actually do.”
As Merlin and Arthur entered the office, Arthur saw a man he did not recognize standing next to Uther.
“This is Aridian.” His father smiled triumphantly. "He is a freelance cyber security expert. He refuses to work for me long-term but I hired him for just this. Aridian, tell us what you found out.”
“You covered your tracks well.” Aridian's predatory gaze settled on Merlin. “But you exposed yourself a bit too much, and at that time, you hacked into Uther’s finances instead of just the company. I was able to track what was happening, and now I know the hacking came from the secondary computer in Arthur's office. In addition, no hacking happened while Merlin was in the hospital.”
Uther looked at Arthur, eyes wide with fever. “Do you see now, son? He's just here to take our money. He tried to turn you against me and almost succeeded. He doesn't truly care about you or this company. He's just a criminal!”
Arthur didn’t look at Merlin. If he wanted to make this work, he shouldn’t. “You’re mistaken, father. The hacker was me, not Merlin.”
Uther looked like a fish that had suddenly been yanked out of water. “What?” he sputtered.
“It was me,” Arthur repeated, locking his hands behind his back.
Uther stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.
Arthur decided to embellish. “I’ve had my own ideas about the business for a long time. Ideas you can now see working. But I didn’t act on them as soon as I should have. I resorted to hacking instead. I won’t be hacking anymore. But I think it's time to shift to a four-day work week. I hope you approve of it, since it actually increases productivity.”
As Arthur met his father's eyes, he could see that Uther would not report his supposed crime. That gave him hope that his father might eventually be proud of who he was. But if that day never came, Arthur knew he would be alright. It would hurt, it would always hurt, but he had Merlin. He had Morgana, and he had his other friends.
With a final sad look at his father, Arthur turned and left the room, pulling Merlin along with him.
Merlin didn’t speak until they reached their joint office. “Did you know?” were the first words out of his mouth as he stood close to the door, staring at Arthur.
Arthur put his hands on each of Merlin's shoulders. “Yes, I knew. I’ve known for a long time. I also knew you would not take more than the business could handle. But it has to stop now.”
“How did you know?” Merlin stared at him.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Merlin, you bloody started doing it on your first day! And when my father called the meeting and said no one would be smart enough to hack, yet stupid enough to do that, I realized I knew someone who fit that description exactly!”
Merlin scowled, “I’m not stupid!”
Arthur gave him a look. “You. Started. On. Your. First. Day.”
“I knew it would throw them off,” Merlin protested.
Arthur raised a brow.
“Alright, I didn’t think, but I’m not stupid!”
Arthur raised his brow higher.
“I’m not!” Merlin insisted, then added, “Thank you for taking the blame.”
Arthur grinned at him. “I’m your knight in shining armor, it seems.”
“You’re enjoying that image of yourself a bit too much,” Merlin told him.
Arthur huffed and pushed Merlin back into a chair.
As Merlin lay in their bed that night, naked as the day he was born, he could feel the wild smile on his face. Everything he thought he would never be able to have, everything he had desired so badly it tore him apart, was now his. He was still worried about dying early and its effect on Arthur if he did. But he also knew Arthur had been right — beautiful, amazing, infuriating Arthur, who Merlin could now call his. Merlin's eyes drifted to the model car Arthur had insisted on putting on the bedside table. It sat next to Merin’s rescue inhaler. Merlin’s asthma was not exercise induced, and had not flared up the previous times they had had sex. But it was better to be safe than sorry.
Merlin looked to the door as he heard footsteps approaching.
Arthur walked into their bedroom in his usual sleeping apparel of loose pants and no shirt. Merlin propped his head up on one hand and grinned up at him. “So… I decided there should be thank-you sex.”
Arthur stared at him and then quickly freed himself of his pants. “I… yes. I mean… I know this is just an excuse to get us to fuck, Merlin.”
Merlin put on a hurt face. “I’m trying to indulge you with thank-you sex and you accuse me of having ulterior motives? I’m hurt, Arthur! You have wounded me to the core.”
Arthur practically jumped on him, shoving him onto his back. “Yes, because I’m right and you do.”
Arthur’s kisses started along Merlin's neck and trailed downward over his chest; and then, lower still. The feel of Arthur's lips on his body was enough to overwhelm him with desire, but Merlin pushed him off himself and to the side teasingly.
One of the highlights of shagging Arthur was driving him mad.
“Fine, I have ulterior motives,” Merlin said breathlessly. “But I’m ALSO being a good, thankful boyfriend.”
Arthur tried to top him again, his eyes wild with need. But Merlin rolled so he could straddle Arthur instead. It was his turn to kiss down Arthur's chest as he ran his fingers through light-colored chest hair.
As Arthur's hands scrambled over his back, Merlin captured his mouth beneath his own and moved a hand to squeeze Arthur's rock-hard length. Arthur moaned into Merlin’s mouth as Merlin continued to massage him, feeling him throb in his hands.
Then, Arthur's hands found Merlin’s hardness. Merlin's back arched, and he broke the kiss to bite Arthur's shoulder.
Arthur rolled them over so Merlin's body was pressed under his. He did not let go of Merlin, just as Merlin did not let go of him. They stroked and rubbed each other as their lips roamed each other's bodies.
“Lube?” Merlin gasped.
“Oh, yes.” Arthur responded.
Those were the only words they could get out. Merlin's hand reached out and grabbed the nearby bottle of lube; as he did, he felt Arthur squeeze him yet again.
They rolled onto their sides, and their lengths rubbed together as their hips bucked in an intimate dance. They took turns applying the lube to each other without bothering to part.
Then, as always, there was the sort of war of kisses and rolling that would determine who would be in the back. Merlin won and started to stretch Arthur with his fingers before sliding slowly into his rear.
Merlin gasped as pleasure started to swamp his mind. He could feel Arthur tight around him. He heard him gasp and moan as Merlin's thrusts grew quicker and surer. He grabbed Arthur's cock and felt it pulsing in his hands. As he rubbed his length slow and then fast, in tandem with his increasingly frantic thrusting, Arthur's head fell back against his shoulder. It was impossible to concentrate. All there was was Arthur and the wonderful things he was doing to Merlin's body. All there was was the pleasure inside him rising closer and closer in a crescendo. And then, at last, there was the climax. One deep, intense note before the after-waves as they came down.
Merlin pulled out and rolled over to face Arthur. They smiled at each other, breathing hard.
“I… gave it to you this time…” Arthur told him. “Tomorrow it's my turn in the back.”
“How about today?” Merlin suggested, wiggling his brows.
“Go again?” A wicked grin came over Arthur's face.
“Go again,” Merlin confirmed.
Arthur grabbed Merlin's cock to start the foreplay once again.
Later, they lay in bed chest to chest, utterly spent, with arms wrapped around each other.
“Marry me,” Arthur whispered into Merlin’s neck.
“We’ve not even known each other for a year,” Merlin pointed out.
“I don’t care, marry me.” Arthur's voice was adamant and full of love.
It was so fast; but so was everything with Arthur, almost like their souls already knew each other.
“I have conditions.”
“Of course you do,” Arthur scoffed.
“I get to wear anything I want to the wedding.”
“If you show up in sweatpants, I’m leaving you at the altar,” Arthur told him.
“I get to wear anything but sweatpants to the wedding.”
Merlin could hear the suppressed laughter in Arthur's voice as he responded, “Alright, it's a deal. What else?”
“You get me a sanely priced ring.”
“Define sanely priced,” Arthur demanded.
“Less than 500 pounds.”
“Less than—!” Arthur trailed off with a tone that said Merlin was clearly being unreasonable. “Fine! Fine! Anything else?”
“We have a Thai wedding meal. You can pick the cake.”
“Anything else?”
“No, I’m good.” Merlin could feel himself grinning from ear to ear. He was happier than he had ever been in his life.
“Marry me?” Arthur repeated, placing a kiss on Merlin's neck.
Merlin grinned even wider and moved his lips to Arthur's hair. “Yeah, alright,” he agreed teasingly, as if Arthur had asked him to tell him the time of day. Then, in a softer voice, he added the words they had first said at the hospital. “I choose you…” before finishing with an added “Prat.”
Arthur shut his eyes, smiling, “And I choose you, idiot. Now let's get some sleep.”
So lovers live a little longer, baby
You and me, we got a chance to live twice
Lovers live a little longer, ain't that nice?
Lovers live a little longer, baby
What a feeling when I hold you tight
Lovers live a little longer, yeah
Calamity_Talvi on Chapter 1 Thu 21 Aug 2025 08:35PM UTC
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tansyuduri on Chapter 1 Thu 21 Aug 2025 08:55PM UTC
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ilovemerthur (Guest) on Chapter 1 Fri 22 Aug 2025 09:41PM UTC
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tansyuduri on Chapter 1 Sat 23 Aug 2025 01:26AM UTC
Last Edited Sat 23 Aug 2025 01:30AM UTC
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Wolfish_Potato on Chapter 1 Sat 23 Aug 2025 12:21AM UTC
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Calamity_Talvi on Chapter 2 Thu 21 Aug 2025 08:35PM UTC
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Calamity_Talvi on Chapter 3 Thu 21 Aug 2025 08:37PM UTC
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