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As the grating deep voices of middle-aged men enveloped the entire room, Kyouji knew that he should be taking this time to properly observe and study the rest of his brothers’ performances as they were in a competition after all. However, all he could seem to focus all of his attention on was the small body next to him. A quick glance at Satomi revealed that the boy seemed to be listening intently to the singing, all while nursing on his drink, something Kyouji should’ve been doing as well.
His dark irises were almost perpetually trained on Satomi whenever they were together. Satomi Oka was magnetic ever since Kyouji had first laid his eyes on him that rainy day. Watching him on stage singing his heart out, Kyouji knew he had to be his… singing teacher.
The boy was dressed more casually than the uniform Kyouji was accustomed to seeing him in. He was dressed in an oversized plain white tee with a handmade name tag and a pair of bright blue sweatpants. His large spectacles rested easily on his face as if they were waiting for him to grow into them.
He had a clear view of Satomi’s delicate nape, since that pesky collar of his uniform was absent. If Kyouji inched just a little bit closer, he could see the soft expanses on his skin underneath his collar. However, he had trained his eyes to always look at Satomi directly into his eyes and to never stray to anywhere unnecessary.
Anyway, it was an adorable sight to say the least, even if Kyouji had to suppress every instinct to dote on the boy. He even loved how Satomi’s name rolled off his tongue, so he made it a habit to always say it with a sing-song tilt in his voice when the opportunity arose. This often awarded him with a glare with no real heat from the boy, which he found completely endearing.
He had practically forced the adolescent boy to join him today despite Satomi’s busy schedule as a middle-schooler. Apparently, Satomi had an actual extracurricular activity for the day, a field trip to go strawberry picking, which Kyouji found quite adorable. It briefly reminded him of those miniature animal figures that kids loved to play with.
Thankfully, the boy got into his car and came along with little to no resistance. However, Kyouji couldn’t help but notice that despite all of Satomi’s bashful denial, the boys seemed to secretly look forward to his field trip. Kyouji knew that their agreement was only reserved for Tuesdays and Fridays when Satomi had no choir practice in exchange for filling up the boy’s belly, but there had been a sudden change of plans. There was a pang of guilt in his chest as he took the boy with him, but he also knew he needed Satomi today.
He had brought him to their usual spot, Karaoke Heaven, knowing full well that Satomi was ignorant of what awaited him in that karaoke room. Kyouji decided it was best to be vague in an effort not to completely scare off the boy. Admittedly, he had been consistently tempting fate when it came to Satomi; truly, it was a miracle how the boy was still retained by his side, despite everything. Satomi often reminded him of a cute, skittish kitten, and thankfully, he was able to retain his close proximity to the boy. Similarly, for whatever reason, Kyouji couldn’t seem to stop himself from trying to monopolize the boy’s time and attention.
Once he had opened the door, they were met with the pungent smell of cigarettes and a mob of Yakuza thugs with several eyes honed in on both of them. He could sense the clear fear and apprehension on Satomi’s face as they entered the room, so he tried his best to diffuse the situation. Bringing any normal law-abiding citizen into a room full of Yakuza would frighten them, much more if you’re an innocent middle-school boy.
“God, didn’t I tell you not to smoke?” Kyouji chided, not even acknowledging the greetings thrown his way by his subordinates while establishing his authority in the room.
Kyouji could hear his brothers acknowledge and even greet Satomi’s presence, but all he could see was the boy frozen in place in front of everybody, looking more than ready to collapse from panic. He chuckled to himself as he decided to save the boy from his trepidation.
“Satomi-kun, have a seat here.” Kyouji sat down and beckoned Satomi to sit beside him, to which the boy promptly obeyed. He probably sensed the authority Kyouji had within the group, so he took his chances with him.
“After I told everyone about you, they all wanted to join and here we are,” said Kyouji with a smile, hoping that his normally cheerful demeanor would calm the boy down as he continued to chatter. “Actually, there were five times more people who wanted to join, but a single karaoke room could only hold as much.”
“I… I want to go home.” Satomi uttered under his breath, hoping that only Kyouji could hear his plea.
“Just listen to us sing and give us some feedback.” He tried to placate the young boy’s worries. “Everyone’s not scary at all.” A pair of frail arms wrapped around him as Satomi clung to him like a koala bear. “They’re gentle, especially to children.”
Despite this, Satomi clung on to him, still apprehensive about the whole situation and the other presences in the room. This genuinely surprised Kyouji since Satomi was never the affectionate type; it was always him who initiated any physical contact between them. However, he concealed any type of shock on his face, opting to just stare at the body and those frail arms wrapped around his.
Once Satomi finally pulled away from him, Kyouji couldn’t help but instantly miss the warmth of his arm. He then draped his arm on the backrest of where Satomi directly sat, his larger figure almost enough to envelop the whole boy. “Don’t you worry, it’s really okay.” Satomi then shot him a glare paired with an adorable pout, which only amused Kyouji further as it just further established his kitten perception of Satomi. Adorable, he found himself thinking, resisting the urge to cup the boy’s cheeks with his hands. Instead, he leaned in closer as he tried his best to give off a disarming smile. “Don’t glare at me like that.”
It was comforting to know that Satomi was comfortable enough to retain his honesty with Kyouji. He swore he could get lost in those pools of amber in Satomi’s eyes if he was allowed to.
After some brief convincing that Satomi’s safety was guaranteed, he allowed the performances to start. Kyouji would be lying if he didn’t find the sight of this harmless middle-school boy humbling his brothers completely amusing. However, he was doing them a favor by inviting them to be critiqued by his teacher.
The underlings were tasked to go first with their performances, so they were first to be individually critiqued by Satomi. As expected, after the first performance, Satomi immediately had some critiques. “You’re not on beat. Please listen to the melody again.” uttered Satomi, in a polite yet blunt tone after a substandard performance of Kenshi Yonezu’s Lemon.
Kyouji chuckled to himself at the boy’s bluntness, as he was reminded of the first time he had performed for the boy. All Satomi had said to him when he first performed for the boy was that his falsetto was disgusting. Not even a single compliment directed at his performance. It’s great to know that Satomi won’t mince his words despite being in a room full of intimidating old yakuza men.
The next performance started, and Kyouji couldn’t discern what was wrong with it. Admittedly, it sounded good to Kyouji’s ear; the man’s lighter pitch stood out from the sea of common deep voices. A quick glance revealed Satomi’s expression, which remained steady as he watched the performance solemnly. Kyouji was unable to read his emotions, and consequently, his thoughts. This was a sharp contrast to Satomi’s usual demeanor, where he always wore his heart on his sleeve, an adorable trait that Kyouji couldn’t help but find completely endearing. Especially since he had been long accustomed to dealing with cold and calculated people for the majority of his life, it was a breath of fresh air.
He wondered if there was anything to nitpick about the performance, but then again, Satomi was the professional. There was probably a technical error somewhere in there that only he could notice. Satomi’s pink tongue played with the straw of his half-empty drink as he watched the performance in front of him. Kyouji found himself absent-mindedly licking his own lips as a response.
“I think it’s good,” uttered Satomi after the music had stopped. There was a faint smile on the boy’s lips as he remarked, which was enough to disarm Kyouji. “There’s nothing to add.”
Kyouji tried his best to steel his expression, but he couldn’t help the widening of his eyes paired with his mouth agape upon hearing those words come out of Satomi’s mouth. There was an intense prickling sensation in Kyouji’s chest as he processed what the boy just said. Did Satomi just compliment somebody else’s singing ability, and in front of Kyouji no less?
“Huh?!” A voice echoed through the microphone, surprise evident in its tone. The owner of the voice even had a pink flush on his face from the unexpected compliment from the boy. “Thank you very much!”
Kyouji now turned all his attention to the singer. It was one of their underlings, specifically the one with the blue tracksuit. He had a name, obviously, but Kyouji couldn’t seem to find the will to even remember it at this moment. All he could remember was that he had a habit of wearing tracksuits, so most of the family exclusively referred to him as either Tracksuit or Jersey.
Jersey had joined the organization only a few years earlier, so he was still in the ranks of an underling. He was probably still in his early twenties and definitely one of the youngest in the group. Oddly enough, Jersey reminded him of himself back when he first decided to join the Matsuribayashi group. In fact, he remembered a time where he used to always wear tracksuits as well before he rose up the ranks. God knows that Jersey seemed more put together at that age than Kyouji ever was. However, all Kyouji could think about was the fact that he was closer to Satomi’s age than he was.
His eyes immediately shifted between Satomi and Tracksuit, trying to discern if there was anything else that prompted the commendation. Maybe there was an unspoken camaraderie between the two youngest people in the room?
Kyouji was currently 39, and he was far from the spring chicken that he used to be. In fact, it only dawned on Kyouji that he might even be one of the older ones in the room, much to his own chagrin. He never really gave much thought about age, not until now. He had given almost half of his life to the group, and he had never really noticed how many years had passed since he was picked up by the boss.
However, despite all his observations, it seemed that the boy was just thoroughly impressed with Jersey’s performance. Satomi was still nursing on his orange juice, averting his gaze from the rest of the men in the room. It was clear that the boy didn’t know how to properly end the conversation, now that he had given his critiques. Kyouji swore he could discern some light dusting of pink on the boy’s cheeks, which made his hand subconsciously tighten into a fist.
In an act of petty spite, Kyouji egged him on. “Satomi-kun!” He cooed as he draped his arm over the boy’s shoulders, the distance just mere inches between them. “How is he supposed to improve with a critique like that?”
Satomi shot him an incredulous look, as if he could see right through Kyouji’s petty action. He could only flash him a wide grin, hoping that the boy wouldn’t see how affected he actually was. “I already said I had no notes…”
“But you could work on your stage presence, I suppose…” His gaze turned away from Kyouji and returned back to the man still holding the microphone. “You have a great voice, try not to be so stiff.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you!” Jersey then bowed in reverence and gratitude with a wide, genuine smile on his face before leaving the center of the room.
Admittedly, Kyouji expected Satomi to honestly insult an aspect of Jersey’s performance, but he just doubled down in his praise. Instead of feeling better about himself, he had only felt worse upon hearing another compliment come out of Satomi’s lips. Maybe this was the universe’s immediate punishment for his snide and unnecessary action. He had begun to feel like a little boy whose hand got burned from touching the stove despite all his mother’s warnings.
He locked eyes with his subordinate. It was easy to discern the fear and respect the younger man in his eyes for him. Kyouji knew he had a tendency of being unsettling, yet he still maintained his cold stare until Jersey sat back down into his seat, the younger man subconsciously shrinking into himself. It was clear that Jersey was stumped on how he had earned his aniki’s ire and scrutiny, but he seemed resigned to his fate.
Kyouji could hear the instrumental of the next performance starting, but all he could focus on was his underling. His piercing glare remained steady on the younger man, who he can clearly tell was unnerved by all his attention. Jersey tried his best to avert his gaze from him, focusing on the next performance.
Rationally, he knew that Jersey was a good underling, obedient and loyal like they always should be. He probably hadn’t intended to attract Satomi’s praise with his innate charm or singing ability. However, Kyouji can’t completely reign in his vexation at the matter, despite how puerile. He wasn’t the type to make a big fuss over the matter either, so he’ll settle with his petty silent victories.
Despite this, there was a weird sensation in Kyouji’s stomach that bubbled at the interaction between Satomi and his underling. Being in the Yakuza, Kyouji had assumed that he had seen it all—from the dark underbelly of the city to the vile and disgusting horrors that festered within its inhabitants—to the point where he considered himself to be quite jaded with life. However, this foreign sensation in the pit of his stomach was new to him. It took him a moment to actually realize what it actually was— pure unadulterated jealousy.
In truth, Kyouji had everything a man needed within his reach— money, power, and influence. Take into consideration his admittedly attractive features and innate charisma; he’s got a number of more than willing bed partners to warm his bed at night during moments he had ever felt lonely. The life of the yakuza is often grim and perilous, but it has afforded him a comfortable life, at least in a material sense. To put it simply, it had been quite a long time since Kyouji didn’t get what he had wanted. Consequently, the feelings of jealousy and envy had long been absent from his life… until now.
Intense flares of possessiveness swirled in his chest, a feeling he was more than familiar with. However, he knew in the back of his mind that he had no right as he had absolutely no claim over the boy, nor did he ever feel the need to. Satomi was his exclusive singing teacher, and the moment he decided to share him with his brothers, they tried to poach him from underneath Kyouji.
As more performances unfolded, it was becoming glaringly obvious that Satomi’s praise was rare and scarce, as he had a scathing review for each performance that went on – so for it to be directed towards one of their underlings instead of Kyouji… It didn’t sit well with his spirit as he wallowed in his displeasure beyond that nonchalant facade.
For each negative comment that left the boy’s mouth, the unusual prickling in Kyouji’s chest intensified. Truthfully, it had felt like all the air in the room stilled, and that he was slowly suffocating, or maybe that was just the smell of cigarettes that lingered. The worst part was the fact that Satomi seemed to be ignorant to Kyouji’s discontent, becoming more and more contemptuous with his words at every performance, all except for Jersey’s.
Suddenly, a deep voice yelled out. “What the hell did you just say, you brat?!” Kyouji was immediately broken out of his thoughts when one of his aniki lunged at Satomi after a bad critique. His body moved before he knew it, taking all the brunt of the excessive force as he stepped in between the boy and his brother. The man thrashed in his hold as he shouted. “Are you looking for a beating?!
“You can’t!” Kyouji explained as he held his brother away from Satomi. It didn’t matter that his aniki was twice his size; he was willing to disarm him if it meant keeping the boy out of harm’s way. “You can’t hurt him!”
After the altercation and misunderstanding between Satomi and one of his aniki, Kyouji decided to turn up his charm and appease all his brothers in the room, convincing them that Satomi’s critiques, no matter how scathing, were a privilege and would aid them in preparation for the competition. Before they knew it, it was time to wrap up the session. Kyouji made everyone express their gratitude to Satomi. “Thank you for your guidance!” echoed through the room.
But before his brothers left the karaoke room, he had slapped Jersey’s back with far too much force to be mistaken as pure affection. Kyouji spoke in a dark and ominous tone, that smug yet cold grin not once leaving his face. “Let’s hope you’re as good as Satomi-kun says you are on the day of the competition.”
ʚ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄☆⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ɞ
Kyouji opened the passenger door for Satomi as the boy got into his car with a somber expression. This was a new development as he often saw Satomi annoyed, apprehensive, or even frightened, but never somber. Despite this, he took a deep breath, got into the driver’s seat, and made the journey to finally take Satomi home.
The silence lingered within the car, heavy as neither one of them uttered a single word, opting to drive in the tense stillness. Usually, Kyouji would often break the silence as he was the chattier one between them, but he knew something was bothering the boy deep down.
Admittedly, he had also begun to find solace in Satomi’s presence in his passenger seat, strangely enough. Throughout the years, Kyouji had countless bodies in his passenger seat, ranging from lovers to his brothers to even victims. However, none of them provided even a fraction of the ardent comfort Satomi’s mere presence effortlessly exuded. As much as this comforted him as he shamelessly indulged in the boy’s close proximity, he was also secretly petrified once it would no longer be within his reach.
“I can’t do this anymore.” A soft voice called out which felt like a shout in the silent car. “I honestly thought I was going to die back there.” Satomi’s gaze was focused on the scenery outside the window, purposely avoiding looking at him. “I really can’t do this with you anymore, Kyouji-san.”
Kyouji’s ears started ringing upon hearing those words. His heart sank, and he struggled to keep his absolute focus on the road. He could see Satomi’s lips still moving, but he couldn’t make out what the boy had to say.
“I see,” he found himself saying in a voice that didn’t quite sound like his own.
Thankfully, he spotted a reprieve, one that he desperately took. He pulled over at a nearby supermarket, got out of the car, and went inside, all without uttering a word. He had left Satomi in the passenger seat of his still-running car, who was looking absolutely astonished at Kyouji’s strange action.
Honestly, he just needed an excuse to get out of the car and immediately get away from the boy. As soon as he stepped into the store, effectively out of Satomi’s sight, he stood there in complete silence, oblivious to the curious glances from the other shoppers.
Truthfully, the thought of leaving Satomi all alone deeply upset him. It was undeniable that he held some type of unusual affection for the boy, despite only knowing Satomi for only a couple of weeks. Kyouji knew that he was sweet on the boy, but he never really knew to what extent. What he felt for Satomi was far from familial despite him being old enough to pass as the boy’s father. It’s difficult to articulate his complicated relationship with the boy, much less his deep attachment to him.
However, at the end of the day, it was all futile. Satomi wanted to leave him, and Kyouji couldn’t completely blame him either. Just like all those other people in his life, his friends, women, and even his family, Satomi easily left him behind once his allure and usefulness wore off. He should be used to it by now; his life didn’t afford him the luxury of permanent companionship. However, he couldn’t help the anguish in his chest. He wondered what even made Satomi stay with him for so long. Was it pure intimidation or just plain indulgence?
Realizing he was just standing in place for several minutes with more eyes on him than necessary, he decided to buy a box of strawberries for Satomi as a token of gratitude while he was inside the store. He had chosen one of the more expensive options; it was the very least he could do for the boy. Kyouji didn’t mind splurging on the kid, who happened to love to indulge himself with various culinary delicacies at Kyouji's expense. But then again, it would be hypocritical for him to even complain when he has monopolized most of Satomi’s free time since they have met.
Upon checking out by the register, Kyouji happened to read the brand of the tray of strawberries he had bought: Crimson Princess. He would’ve normally found humor in it as if he was symbolically asking Satomi to be his wife, but his gloom was far too immense to even warrant a chuckle. Great, now even his subconscious was trying to lay a claim on Satomi. It was only then he realized how truly fucked he really is. He might actually have feelings for the boy.
It seemed that the universe couldn't stop pulling its cruel tricks on him as they made him fall in love with somebody younger, more than twice his age. However, it wasn’t the boy’s young age that made him so alluring.
Satomi was far from his usual type; his long history with older women who doted on him was enough to prove that. Furthermore, he repeatedly interacted with kids before, some of them the own children of his aniki and his relatives, but he was never affectionate with them nor did he dote on them like the way he naturally was with Satomi.
Satomi was a breath of fresh air in Kyouji’s life full of violence and deception. The boy was sagacious and earnest to the point of being contemptuous with his candor, which usually was just reserved for Kyouji. His pale skin often revealed his innermost feelings despite all his vehement denial or facade of bashfulness. Satomi was effortlessly alluring, which he genuinely seemed to be ignorant of, but this only added to his charm. Despite all this, truthfully, Kyouji wasn’t even completely aware of exactly why he was so fond of Satomi.
Before meeting the boy, Kyouji’s monotone life would’ve been full of the vices that his brothers loved to indulge in, vices that he once thought were enticing, but had gone completely bored with. Despite only meeting for a few times, it was clear to Kyouji that Satomi had become his new vice, and he was turning into a fiend.
It’s not like he had any plans on lying a hand on Satomi, beyond friendly touches or affectionate caresses if the opportunity called for it. At least not for a couple more years, or so he had hoped…
Kyouji hoped he didn’t take longer inside the supermarket than he realized. Thankfully, Satomi was still obediently seated in the passenger seat of his car as he slowly entered his car. The boy just looked confused about the whole ordeal, if not slightly bored.
“Here.” He placed the box of strawberries on Satomi’s lap, and he could see his amber eyes widen. Blissfully, the boy accepted the gift with no qualms, even letting out a small. “Thank you.”
“You really did want to go pick strawberries, didn’t you?” Kyouji steeled all his resolve and prepared to bid his final goodbye to Satomi. The click of his seatbelt lock as Kyouji secured his own seatbelt rang throughout the car as if he had just locked in his own heavy decision. “Sorry. Consider that as payment for all those singing lessons you gave me.”
With no grand fanfare, Kyouji started the car and started to drive towards the direction of Satomi’s home. As painful as it was to say goodbye to Satomi, he knew he should take charge since he was the older one in the situation. The boy’s got a bright life ahead of him; he doesn’t need an old man dragging him down with him. Kyouji knew that the responsible decision was to disappear from Satomi’s life before the boy gets caught up in the crossfire. And Kyouji… well, he can’t afford to have a liability. The moment that thought popped into his head, he immediately knew he was just lying to himself to cope with his decision. Kyouji knew firsthand how dire and merciless life was for the Yakuza, and he shouldn’t subject Satomi to it.
It felt wrong to involve Satomi in his world.
But it felt worse, letting him go.
They managed to reach a stop light, so Kyouji finally allowed himself to look at Satomi once again, who had a clearly conflicted expression on his face. He stared at the boy, hoping to memorize every angelic feature found in Satomi’s face. His rosy cheeks that often revealed his true emotion and usually perpetually filled to the brim with food, those amber irises that were often dressed in an adorable glare, his soft and supple skin that only youth could provide. He looked until his eyes stung, and all those features that he adored were completely etched into his mind.
Admittedly, Kyouji wondered what Satomi thought of him and their brief time together, but he’s not quite sure if he wanted to hear his answer. He thought about the boy’s wants and needs, his desires that he could potentially provide. However, deep down, Kyouji knew it was all wishful thinking and that it was futile in the end. He gave him a genuine smile, his own eyes crinkling in earnestness. “Good luck with your choir festival, Satomi-kun.”
Heavy silence enveloped the car as he continued driving Satomi home, neither one of them uttering a single word. Before they knew it, they were starting to approach Satomi’s preferred drop-off point, a short distance away from Satomi’s actual home. They were both privy to the facade of Kyouji not knowing exactly where his house was, yet they both still acted out this feigning of ignorance akin to an actual ritual.
“I… I really can’t deal with a bunch of people all by myself—like what happened today,” murmured Satomi hesitantly as his fingers frisked with the box of strawberries as if he was trying to perform a facade of complete nonchalance.
He seemed to handle himself just fine with Jersey, Kyouji’s mind spitefully reminded him. Kyouji silently chided himself for falling into his childish tendencies again as he tried actually focusing on what Satomi actually had to say. The boy’s soft yet slightly raspy voice uttered out after a beat of silence. “I’m fine if it’s just you.”
Me? It’s fine if it’s just me? thought Kyouji upon hearing those words that came out of the boy’s mouth. His heart raced upon the implication of Satomi’s words. He spared a quick glance at Satomi, and he was met with an evident red flush high on his cheeks, which revealed his bashfulness and the sincerity of his words.
It took everything in his power to conceal his emotions, not wanting to reveal his fervent excitement to the boy. He had half-mind to stop the car and to really confirm Satomi’s words, but thankfully, they were approaching a red light. Kyouji used every bit of his resolve not to claim Satomi right then and there. Did Satomi really not mind his presence in his life? Instead, he opted for boisterous laughter which caught the boy off-guard. “Satomi-kun, you’re just… too damn nice!”
“Oh, then I guess that’s it.” Satomi clearly didn’t appreciate his amusement as he deadpanned with an upset pout. “I’m done with you too, farewell.”
“You know, I usually only ever have people sitting in the back of this car. But once they’ve been in the passenger seat, it seems that they can’t leave me.” Kyouji’s eyes were steadily back on the road, but he couldn’t repress the genuine smile on his face. He took a slight pause before uttering, putting an emphasis on the latter portion. “Whether it’s women or you, Satomi-kun.”
Kyouji let the silence linger between them, giving Satomi ample time to read between the lines. It’s not like he could easily profess his love for Satomi, besides he was sure that the boy was clever enough to discern the sincerity of his words. He then casually commented before giving the boy’s reaction a glance. “Maybe, it’s because it’s so comfortable.”
Kyouji could see the mouth agape expression on Satomi’s face paired with a pair of wide eyes. However, he was also privy to the fact that the familiar flush of pink became even more pigmented on Satomi’s cheeks. As a response, Kyouji smiled even wider akin to a Cheshire cat.
It was clear that Satomi was flustered over his words, which implied that the boy might have a budding infatuation with him. Kyouji couldn’t help but relish the pure exhilaration in his chest. Satomi wanted him in his life, despite it all. For now, Satomi had welcomed his presence and he would cherish it until his inevitable exile from the boy’s life.
If Kyouji were a better person, he knew it would be the wise and rational choice not to get involved with Satomi any longer, but at the end of the day, he knew deep down that he was a selfish man. “I’ll be sure to see you tomorrow, Satomi-kun.”
Satomi stepped out of the vehicle, but not before looking back at Kyouji, with a bashful expression on his face. “Alone?”
Kyouji flashed him that signature smug grin. “Of course, just the two of us.”