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They didn't get it.
Nobody got it, what they had.
Cleo sort of did, the closer she'd gotten to Etho. Scar, for some reason, also seemed to have a decent understanding of how the relationship worked. But most of their friends, hermits and lifers and all the others- they just did not get it. Bdubs could think of a few people in particular, just off the top of his head.
And some days it really stuck in his head, that whole talk in Last Life.
At the time, it had threatened to burrow into his bones and make a home there, turning his stomach sour and his chest tight. But Bdubs knew the truth, deep down, even before he got his proof. Over a decade of friendship had Bdubs stubbornly confident in the fact that he wasn't the weird one.
Or, well, at least he wasn't the only weird one in this dynamic.
Bdubs never told him, but he'd stuck around in Last Life after his death to spectate. Of course he had. He wanted to see what Etho did, how he'd fight his way through the rest of the game, and a little part of him was desperate to know whether or not Etho would let the death of his teammate phase him.
(Losing Etho first would've been excruciating. Bdubs would've started murdering en-masse, probably, gone out in a blaze of glory so he wouldn't be left all alone in the cold. But that's besides the point.)
Etho didn't know that Bdubs watched him trudge through the snow, up and into the mountains with his shoulders hiked half an inch higher than usual. Etho didn't know he'd watched by his side as he approached Bdubs' cold, empty body, his eyes hazy and rolled up to face the cloudy sky.
(In these games, on their last death, corpses didn't just disappear after a respawn. They lingered, made you think about what you did - or didn't do - and if it was worth it. What you would've done differently if you had the chance.)
In that moment, seeing Etho stand there in the cold, whistling wind, the man still as a statue— Bdubs' insecurity was stomped into a million pieces. Etho's ears were pulled back ever so slightly as he kneeled beside Bdubs, eyes blank.
Bdubs knew this man like the back of his hand, all the veins and scuffs and scars, and he knew that Etho retreated when he felt like he didn't have a better option. Sometimes he'd hide in his own head to escape what he didn't want to face. And hovering his hands above a corpse, his face looking like he was somewhere else entirely..
It was validating, and it made Bdubs feel sick to his stomach. Etho was bothered. Upset.
Etho sighed, moving to sit next to his shoulder.
Since Bdubs didn't choose to respawn yet, hadn't woken up in a cold server room in his real body, his mossy shroud had stayed draped over him. An arrow stuck out of it at an angle, soaking the moss in dark red. Wind tugged uselessly at the ends of his headband.
"Couldn't have waited two minutes.." Etho mumbled, his voice soft and rough. The man didn't often display emotions that weren't lighthearted. But thinking he was alone, exhaustion and something even heavier than that crept into his tone and his posture.
It felt revolting, all of a sudden, to be seeing this struggle without permission. Even if it was Bdubs' body, he knew Etho would be acting differently if the guy knew Bdubs could actually see what was happening.
The relief Bdubs felt flooded with was gone now, replaced with a hollow feeling. Nothing was good about this.
Etho was alone with his freaking body.
But Bdubs couldn't go. He couldn't just abandon his best friend to this horrible vigil. So Bdubs stayed with him as he broke off the arrow and gently removed the graying shroud so that he could turn his body over. Stayed as Etho fished in his pocket to grab his clock. Stayed as his best friend dug a shallow grave with far away eyes and shovelled dirt over Bdubs' slack, ashy face.
He stood there as Etho folded his moss up, knowing it was precious to Bdubs, and took it home with him.
Grian was an moron, Bdubs realized belatedly. Absolute dipshit. How Bdubs ever believed those taunts, even for a second, he didn't know. Because suddenly it was laughable, the idea that Etho didn't care, didn't love him the way Bdubs loved.
And that wouldn't be a crime, for the record. Bdubs was a guy with a lot of feelings and a lot of love to give. And with Etho specifically? It wouldn't be unfair to say his world revolved around the guy, that his heart beat for the man. Etho was everything to him. And it wouldn't be unreasonable in the slightest if Etho couldn't muster up the same kind of emotion in return.
If Bdubs' feelings were too much.
It was something the world had thought about Bdubs for a long time, frankly. That he was just- too much. Being a mossball in school and crying when his feelings got too big, annoying the adults. Being a teenager with a broken heart, sobbing and unable to get out of bed. Never quite fitting in with the Glare and their small, passive, hidden way of life. Too big, too loud, too much.
Etho never, ever made him feel that way.
They were like a chemical reaction, but, like, good. Getting along like a house on fire or something, isn't that how the saying went? They just got so comfortable with each other in a way Bdubs had never been with anyone else. Not Guude, not Genny; with those guys he had to be somebody, had to fill a sort of role.
With Etho, all he had to be was Bdubs. Except for the jokes and bits around power struggles, they were their own sort of pair, equals, a dynamic duo. And the more Bdubs there was, the more Etho there was, and so on.
A big part of the reason Bdubs stopped trying to be something he wasn't over the years was because of his best friend. The guy who'd laugh and spur him on as his voice got pitchier, as Bdubs grew frustrated and angry, yet who tempered his moods just by being himself and who never tried to douse them.
Etho always rolled with whatever Bdubs had going on that day.
The crazy thing was it brought Etho out of his shell, too.
Over ten years later, they were more Etho and Bdubs than ever, closer than ever. Crazier about each other than ever, too.
And yet.
'Why can't you be normal about Etho?' 'If he loved you, why didn’t he give you a life?'
They just- they didn't see what Bdubs did. They didn't! They hadn't been paying careful attention to Etho for over a decade, noting his habits and mannerisms and the way his voice had grown stronger and more confident.
They didn't notice how Etho's shoulders hadn't always been sitting in an easygoing slouch and used to be tighter. They didn't know the before of a quieter, awkward man. All they knew was the silly guy who would emote and sigh and whine at the drop of a hat.
And they didn't see that Etho was just as weird about Bdubs as Bdubs was about him.
Etho knew his habits and mannerisms like the back of his hand. Knew the foods Bdubs liked, what he hated, how long his hair could grow till it annoyed him and what number Bdubs liked to use when he shaved down the sides. Etho knew about his dead brother and the way he used to keep worms under his childhood bed. Etho knew he had to stick his feet out from under the covers at night and knew he preferred no cream or sugar in his coffee ('like a lunatic').
Etho knew when he needed to make Bdubs laugh, and he knew when to sit in silence when there was nothing left to say. He knew when to bump their shoulders together, or when to gently knock their foreheads against each other and squint his eyes at Bdubs with a smile.
The man knew hundreds, thousands of the little tiny pieces that came together to form a BdoubleO. And just like Bdubs had shaped himself around the edges of Etho, smoothing out the sharp or jagged bits over time, Etho did the exact same thing in return. Being around Etho was like coming home, like something was right in the world.
Bdubs had heaved a great big sigh once he saw Etho on Hermitcraft again, days later. The man's posture was off, his eyes fixing on Bdubs like he wasn't sure what he was seeing, wasn't sure what to do.
He knew what the other man needed. So Etho didn't get a choice in the matter as Bdubs hauled him into a hug. The man was awkward and stiff for a moment, hesitantly putting his arms around Bdubs.
But eventually Etho melted like snow in the sun, and Bdubs knew he was loved.