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As I Learn to Love Myself (I Open My Heart to You)

Summary:

The entity that comes to be known as John Doe wakes up in his own grave with no memory of who he is or how he got there. Arthur Lester is an Arkham detective that takes on the amnesiac's case. He can't help but be drawn into the mysteries of cults and gods, as well as the being that he gets closer to along the way.
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AU: The King in Yellow's book ends up in different hands, and John gains a body of his own. Arthur and Parker are working detectives, along with Arthur being a single dad to a young Faroe. The boys work together to uncover John's past, while John grows into a person who had the chance to experience real humanity and kindness from the beginning.

Notes:

This all started when I started listening to Malevolent years ago. I had gone into the series thinking it would be a slow, suspenseful story of detective Arthur Lester uncovering the mystery of cults and such. So I'm writing that. We are all coping with Episode 56 in our own ways.
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Told from Arthur's POV, with the occasional John/entity experiences thrown in as he learns about the world.

Chapter 1: Awakening

Chapter Text

Crows gathered in the trees, cawing their frustration at the humans disturbing their evening roost. The men were dragging a large bag behind. A long black bag with a single zipper running along its length.

The being in said bag was both alarmingly aware and unmoving. They feel stuck, unable to do anything but listen and feel and wait. Every rock and twig they scraped past was ingrained into their bones. Every snide comment between the carriers rings through their ears.

The intruders make quick work, familiar with the task at hand. The body was unnerved by the irregular beat of their shovels hacking at the dirt. It was reckless, but clearly efficient, because soon enough the body was being rolled into its resting place. 

Weight pressed them down, down into the earth. Sounds that were once so sharp and all consuming became muted. But they listened all the same. Without sight to guide them, those sounds gave them purpose. Gave them feeling. Anger. Fear. Despair. Lost. So lost. 

The clinks and rustles of canvas backpacks marked the end of their job. 

“Shit!” One man cried out, followed by the frantic snapping of branches.  

“Hurry up!” The second man chided. A thump. One likely hit the other. “Pick up your shovel and move, before it gets too dark to see out of this place.”

“Don’t take it out on me. “I’m not the one that forgot flashlights,” he hissed back. “I can’t believe we got stuck with burial again.”

“Someone has to. It’s the price of progress.” 

Their voices faded into the distance. The return trip was easier now that they left behind their largest piece of cargo. 

Neither man looked back, why would they? Never before had the dirt shifted. A grave was only meant to be dug once. 

The buried figure clawed their way out. Their fingers are desperate to push away layers of soil. To escape the feeling of suffocation. They emerge quickly after, shuddering and collapsing into a heap. They made note of all they could finally see. Dirty clothes, cracked nails, and an endless expanse of green foliage. Their sight felt dull and unfamiliar. They sought out the only source of the light. They hoped to find answers in the moon’s glow. None were found. 

Shaky and slow, the entity took his first breath.