Chapter Text
The thought suddenly hit Shen Qingqiu one winter day.
The season had barely begun, but snowfall had been plentiful since the last dregs of autumn had passed by, so a white, thick coat already blanketed the Blue Mountains. One would think that the world coming at its yearly still would also mean that the amount of unfortunate Wife Plots that befell him would lessen, except that no. Absolutely not. Of course not. Not only was Shang Qinghua’s shitty world filled with far too many sex plants that thrived all year through, but it was also so choked full of many other types of aphrodisiacs and sex-related things that Shen Qingqiu didn’t see any dip in the number of misfortunes he had to suffer through! With all of that, if there was any dip in Wife Plots he had to suffer through, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t see it.
Worst of all, he wasn’t even shagging the protagonist! No! Apparently, this stupid world had decided that being one of Luo Binghe’s dear friends, both his prized advisor and precious teacher, was enough for him to suffer through an indecent amount of them instead of targeting his disciple’s actual spouse. But maybe it was that Mobei-jun’s iciness made him immune to the wiles of the world.
At least, he found solace in the fact that he had two partners, both of them very eager to get laid or get him laid. On top of that, his precious little sheep was far too polite to comment when his shizun — and shishu, when Shang Qinghua tagged along — inevitably got affected by the Device of the Week and had to get him back to the sect so the issue would be dealt with. He would have gladly drunk gallons of Heavenly Demon blood, but apparently, the only thing potent enough to be a panacea was fucking cum and just the thought of it made Shen Qingqiu want to gag, even if he was sure this featured in Airplane’s dirty fantasies and Yue Qingyuan was the kind of good and understanding guy willing to accept anything if it made things more convenient.
Shen Qingqiu had taken upon himself to leave his home even earlier than the crack of dawn, going straight into the depth of Xiayan Ravine to scour the area for the easiest accessible shenqi bamboo before anyone else could get their hands on them.
Shang Qinghua had tagged along because he had skipped sleep to manage the paperwork piling on his desk in preparation for the Mingxing Festival, then proceeded to procrastinate his night away by writing shitty porn that Shen Qingqiu still was surprised at the popularity of. Not that Airplane had said anything, but the stack of paperwork hadn’t bulged between the time Yue Qingyuan and he had gone to bed, while the pile of notebooks containing his drafts had exponentially grown.
Luo Binghe, who always was up the first, had immediately followed after him as if Shen Qingqiu was a delicate flower that couldn’t defend itself. No surprise there, he often did when he was staying in Cang Qing — which, considering that he was the ruler of a sizeable empire, part-time sect leader of a great sect, and married to a king, was a lot of time in Shen Qingqiu’s opinion. Not that he would ever bring it up; his disciple was also so eager to take care of any chore and his food was a gift of the gods that never ceased to make him melt. Part of him was also happy to see that, even after everything that had happened, after growing up and getting married, Luo Binghe still cared for his old shizun enough to want to spend time with him without being forced to. It’s not like he couldn’t live without the protagonist at his side; in fact, they did spend time apart, but he couldn’t help but admit that it wouldn’t be the same.
Yue Qingyuan had joined their party this time, clearing his day schedule to accompany them, as he tried to do every so often because he was that kind of great partner. Shen Qingqiu could see the soft, warm smile on his face as he walked beside them. It didn’t falter, even as they had stumbled around haphazardly like green disciples, scratches accumulating on their clothing and hands as they had searched through thorny, icy bushes and snow raining on their heads as they disturbed the bamboo trees with their shuffling around. As an added bonus, he had been much quieter than their two other travel mates. Airplane kept letting out a stream of complaints, while his disciple kept begging for Shen Qingqiu to let him handle everything, eyes getting increasingly wet as he pointedly ignored his pleading.
A good hour or two of foraging had passed until they had finally found some shenqi bamboo. It had been growing at and in the entrance of the kind of cave that led to some dark and overly long dungeon that promised great loot after a long slugfest of grinding. Bonus point for the temperature immediately dropping once one stepped under the arch. It was such a parade of red flags that Shen Qingqiu was surprised not to see a legendary beast of some kind emerge from it the moment they approached.
Instead, they had been able to concentrate on gathering what they had come for.
Shenqi bamboos truly were a thing of beauty, like glass bamboo stalks with iridescent sparkles trapped within them, emitting a faint multicoloured glow that shifted inside to follow them. It was so tempting to reach out and touch the delicate surface to watch the light gather at the point of contact.
‘Binghe, shixiong, be careful,’ he reminded the two of them instead, as they were both crouching already to dig and unearth the roots. He fisted his hands, keeping his feet firmly planted where they were. ‘These are very delicate.’
In other circumstances, Shen Qingqiu would have felt bad letting them do all the hard work; in this particular case, however, it had been much better for both Shang Qinghua and him to stay out of the way, far from the Devil’s temptation. It was extremely rare for Luo Binghe’s OP blood to fail against the majority of aphrodisiacs and Yue Qingyuan’s legendary strength and character seemed to make him unaffected by anything thrown at him.
The two of them definitely had plot armour that stopped all but the strongest Wife Plots from befalling them. Meanwhile, measly regular human cultivators such as Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua — whose only special halos were asshole systems — attracted troubles like nothing else. As if they got targeted specifically because they were catching strays directed at Luo Binghe that would bounce off of him then hit them.
Shen Qingqiu had no issues getting laid, but they were recovering from two bouts of aphrodisiacal epidemics that had torn through the sect from the later half of the month of the Pig well into the month of the Rat. The month of the Ox was now just beginning and he would love to be able to continue enjoying sex without duress for a longer duration than a couple of weeks. As for Shang Qinghua, he was pretty sure the man was mostly worrying about the paperwork that still needed to be done.
A loud snap echoed through the air. Shen Qingqiu swore, getting two talismans out of his qiankun sleeve, sticking one against his neck and slapping the other on Airplane. He sighed in relief when the bubbles fully formed around their heads.
‘Looks like we did well letting these two do the work,’ Shang Qinghua muttered as they approached.
Shen Qingqiu reached out to pat Luo Binghe’s shoulder; his poor disciple was staring at the broken stalk in his hand, looking just as pathetic as a kicked puppy.
‘We’re still gonna have to do the work,’ Shen Qingqiu pointed out the shimmery mist that extended to where Yue Qingyuan was. ‘Yue-shixiong also has inhaled a lot of these too.’
Unlike what the name might suggest, shenqi bamboo was not a species of bamboo. It wasn’t even a plant to begin with. While it had been named after the shape and the fact that it only grew near bamboo located within qi nexuses, the shenqi bamboo was a mushroom and the sparkles trapped within the stalks were a multitude of spores waiting to get released. Of course, because Airplane had written Diqiu to be a sex addict’s wet dream, these spores were highly aphrodisiac. Fortunately not the deadly aphrodisiac kind, but definitely potent enough that getting a full facial would send you in the kind of heat Shen Qingqiu remembered stumbling upon in the deep recesses of forums.
In fact, it was strong enough that Luo Binghe’s face was reddening, the tip of his ears and his neck a bright scarlet already and his breath quickening as he rubbed his face like it would change anything. The loud whine he let out when Shen Qingqiu reached out to pat his head gave him pause.
‘Don’t touch him! You might make this worse and really, really, awkward.’ Shang Qinghua had grabbed his hand, even as Shen Qingqiu had stopped himself. He had pinched his cheek in retaliation. ‘Let’s just call my King so he can take care of Luo-shizhi.’
It was then, as Shen Qingqiu had focused his attention to the sect leader while Shang Qinghua was summoning Mobei-jun that the thought had struck like a lightning bolt.
‘Is zhangmen-shixiong okay?’
Yue Qingyuan’s smile was far too bright and skin too pale. ‘This master is fine.’ His tone was far too even, lacking any desperation to get laid ASAP. ‘But he hopes that Mobei-jun will be able to promptly come fetch his husband.’
It was at that moment that it hit Shen Qingqiu had realised Yue Qingyuan didn’t seem affected at all by the spores. His skin was clear of any flush and his composure as perfect as it was outside the privacy of their respective homes, hanfu off an— Shen Qingqiu kept his mind out of the gutter. It was really not the time to put himself in a tizzy.
‘If Yue-shixiong says so,’ he replied cooly. ‘Maybe he should keep an eye on his shizhi while Shang Qinghua and this master take turns gathering the shenqi bamboo.’
While he trusted Luo Binghe not to do anything rash, he also trusted Yue Qingyuan to be able to safely stop him in case shenqi spores would turn the half-demon aggressive. History had certainly taught them that some stupid plot devices had the power to influence even the great protagonist, and for everyone’s sake, Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to take any risk if he could help it.
‘Is Yue-shixiong truly not affected at all by the shenqi spores?’ Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but ask, many hours later, once they had retired for the night. The red blotches on his partner’s skin had been left there by Shen Qingqiu holding on to him rather than an artificially induced flush and his performance had not differed from what he usually gave. That was; a sluggish beginning but once he finally got going, Shen Qingqiu had nothing bad to say about it.
He felt the heavy glance Shang Qinghua sent him before the man turned his attention back to his portable desk. He had pulled the thing over his lap the moment they had been done and since then had been muttering to himself as he was going through paperwork. The only reason there was anything on him was because Yue Qingyuan had thrown the top of his nightclothes over his shoulders like a cloak, the rest of him covered by the thick blanket.
Yue Qingyuan turned to face him, putting his book aside. There still had not been any sign of him being afflicted with an intense yearning to get laid, yet some part of Shen Qingqiu waited for the other shoe to drop. ‘This master is truly fine,’ the other assured, taking one of his hands in his. Shen Qingqiu felt the gentle press of his thumb across his knuckles. ‘Aphrodisiacs have never affected him.’
‘That can’t be true,’ Shen Qingqiu retorted even as he was racking his brain to find a time, any time when Yue Qingyuan had been under the influence. ‘Surely, that can’t be true.’ He couldn’t. He really couldn’t. What kind of trickery was that?
The Yuye gingko Incident that had befallen all the northern peaks (Bai Zhan, Qing Jing, Qiong Ding, An Ding and Ku Xing.)
two years ago? Yue Qingyuan had been amongst the few unaffected and constantly coming and going from Qian Cao to help with the antidote distribution. All the while, he had made sure that, back home, both Shang Qinghua and he were properly taken care of instead of stewing in their own filth the same way a lot of unfortunate souls had. To this day, Shen Qingqiu, like many of their peers in the concerned peaks, still avoided any dish with Yuye gingko in fear of a repeat experience. Which was shitty because he had liked the fruit and a lot of the summer and autumn dishes within the northern peaks featured Yuye gingko.
The liaoya pox that Luo Binghe had inadvertently passed down to Shen Qingqiu when the latter had patted his head after his disciple had been back from a long excursion with Mobei-jun in the Demon Realm? Before the first symptoms had affected Shen Qingqiu, he had already spread it to Ming Fan and Ning Yingying, then through Qing Jing. From there, it had spread through the entire Twelve Peaks and they had had to quarantine the entire sect until most of the infection had passed. His steadfast shixiong, completely unaffected, had spent the entire week it had lasted for Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua in the Bamboo House, making sure the two of them got plenty of skinship, got watered and fed as much as they had needed.
Once, Shang Qinghua had had to quarantine himself in the Leisure House after a negotiation parley in Lingyi where he had been poisoned. The only reason he had been saved from an unfortunate fate was Luo Binghe feeding him blood to alleviate the symptoms before he expired while Mobei-jun had repainted the walls of his ancestral home red and pink with the guts of the culprit before he had squirrelled his closest advisor back to his home, then portalled to the Bamboo House to explain the situation and left just as promptly. The Sect Leader, of course, had immediately gone there, disregarding Shen Qingqiu’s warning about this being a terrible idea because the induced disease happened to be highly contagious. Luo Binghe’s blood might not stop their lover from going through an awful time, but it would prevent him from dying. On top of that, his disciple could monitor Shang Qinghua’s health from a safe distance with his blood parasites. Truly, there had been no need for the sect leader to put himself in danger.
Later on, once regular people were cleared to visit Shang Qinghua’s bedside and Shen Qingqiu had chased the older man off to the Meizhu Pavilion to rest, the An Ding peak lord had offhandedly noticed that despite all the sex they had had to expedite the healing process, the sect leader somehow had managed not to catch the damn STI.
No matter how hard he racked his brain for any, any moment where his partner had been affected by anything aphrodisiac-related, he couldn’t find it.
‘Never? Even before becoming a cultivator?’
Yue Qingyuan blinked, a light crease forming between his eyebrows. Even as his mouth filled with the bitterest vinegar, Shen Qingqiu squeezed the other’s hand. ‘Not to this master’s knowledge. He can’t remember ever being affected.’
This was wild! Unfair! What kind of power did the sect leader have to be immune to, maybe, the most common thing found in this stupidly horny world? Come on, shixiong? Share your secret! Even the stupidly OP protagonist had had a bad enough time that they hadn’t caught sight of him since Mobei-jun had portalled them all back to the Bamboo House — Shen Qingqiu would kill the both of them if his home was wrecked once he would be back on his peak — not even trying to follow him all the way to Qiong Ding with dinner in tow. Meanwhile, Yue Qingyuan continued his day without incident, determined to make the most of his free time.
‘How can this be?’
There must be something special about Yue Qingyuan, some fancy heritage or hidden traits. Maybe that was why he had been saddled with a stupidly tragic backstory and had been allowed to unlock — although not unsheathe — the legendary Xuan Su. Like the prototype of a protagonist before Airplane changed his mind and created Luo Binghe instead.
‘This master truly can’t tell,’ Yue Qingyuan replied softly. He brought their hands to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of Shen Qingqiu’s palm. ‘But he is thankful that this means he’s always able to help his partners when those misfortunes befall them.’
Shang Qinghua let out a noncommittal noise when Yue Qingyuan gently patted his thigh, not even bothering to look up from his work. The latter huffed before he pressed a kiss to Shen Qingqiu’s forehead, then the bridge of his nose and lower, on the tip. Shen Qingqiu welcomed the press of soft lips against his with a light groan, letting himself be pulled atop the other. His thighs bracketed the other’s hips, laying his hands on a muscled chest for support while Yue Qingyuan was holding on the lapels of his night clothes.
There was an unhappy groan; he must have kicked Shang Qinghua when shifting. The man wasn’t too pissy about it, however. From the corner of his eyes, he saw him put his desk aside and, soon, he found a pair of lips against his neck, sucking right where his collarbone began, the light scrape of teeth against the author’s teeth sending sparks through his body. Between the weight of a hand pressing on his lower back, pushing his hardening dick against Yue Qingyuan’s belly, and fleeting touches of his hands on Shen Qingqiu’s skin as he removed his clothing, his body felt like it was on the edge already.
He gasped when Yue Qingyuan brought him down for another kiss, this time going for very wet and full of tongue. When they eventually separated to breathe, Shang Qinghua didn’t wait to bring Yue Qingyuan into a filthy kiss that had no business being that hot to watch. At least, considering the hand the author had sneaked under the blankets and the small groans he made through kissing Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu was not the only one getting horny at an embarrassing speed.
You’d think that getting laid not that long before would temper their libido, but no.
When he shifted to align his crotch to Yue Qingyuan’s, he wasn’t surprised to find him still soft. It often took quite a long time for the older man to get properly hard. It had been disconcerting, disgruntling even, at first; like a failure on his part to turn him on or worse, maybe Yue Qingyuan didn’t desire him that way despite what he said. Shen Qingqiu might not be as sex-crazed as his disciple, but the length of time required for the other to get ready for penetrative sex had certainly made him feel like a freak at times. While he might have been a virgin until Shang Qinghua — the Unfortunate Happening at Maigu Bridge with Luo Binghe did not count — and thus had only known one man before Yue Qingyuan, he was pretty sure that most men didn’t need as much time to get it up as Yue Qingyuan did.
It had taken quite some time and a lot of nagging coming from Shang Qinghua for Shen Qingqiu to accept that this wasn’t an issue on his part; Yue Qingyuan just needed a lot of foreplay to properly make his downstairs machinery run. Sometimes, enough for both Shang Qinghua and him to get off and recuperate. In fact, while he had and would never voice this aloud, Shen Qingqiu suspected that Yue Qingyuan got much more out of foreplay and having his partners get off than doing the deed himself.
Once, that might have been a big issue, he reflected as he pulled Shang Qinghua into a kiss of his own, grinning as he felt a twitch between his legs, where Yue Qingyuan’s dick was pressed against his balls. Especially had there not been a second person to help take the edge off and not get all kinds of frustrated waiting for the next step. But Shang Qinghua was there, hand eagerly wrapping around Shen Qingqiu’s dick and grip applying just the right pressure. He returned the same amount of enthusiasm as he pushed the blanket aside to return the favour, Shang Qinghua’s dick an angry shade of puce, the tip hot as he lathered the pre-cum all over.
He grabbed the other man by the jaw, angling his head so Yue Qingyuan had a better view, mentally high-fiving himself when he felt the light swell under him. Giving the older man a spectacle to feast on with his eyes never ceased to help him get going and, soon, Shen Qingqiu found himself being pushed against Shang Qinghua, his dick engulfed in a hot, wet vice and slick fingers making him fall apart.