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1. Scott Hope
So, Faith’s just playing fake girlfriend to a non-existent Slayer now. Everything’s fine and she totally doesn’t feel like her life’s heading straight for a giant-ass pothole.
She doesn’t know where Buffy is. She’s incredibly bored. She’s already exhausted her entertainment options by thoroughly embarrassing Buffy’s ex (who totally deserved it because he’s the whole reason she’s stuck in this situation in the first place. Karma’s a fucking bitch, isn’t she?) So naturally, everything is fine.
To top it off, Willow and Xander are acting like someone ran over their puppy as they slump over the table and watch the band.
“Is the world ending or something?” Faith asks, pulling up a chair. “Do I need to grab the flamethrower?” When neither of them respond, she scoffs, raising her eyebrows and leaning back. “Tough crowd, huh? Seriously, why are you guys moping?”
“We aren’t mopey,” Willow insists with as much conviction as a moist towelette.
“Right, you’re… ‘grooving,’” Faith says, holding up her hands and doing exaggerated air-quotes. “Where the hell is Buffy anyway?” she adds, looking around.
If anything, they look more depressed now. “They’re making up,” Xander says, staring listlessly at the crowd of dancing teenagers.
Faith sighs in irritation, standing up and shaking her head. “Jesus, it’s like a fucking funeral over here,” she mutters, walking away, and neither Willow nor Xander looks up or acknowledges her departure.
It’s at that moment that the Homecoming Queen announcement starts, and she scans the crowd for Buffy. The plan was to dance together in front of Scott at least once, maybe add a peck on the cheek or something, and then leave together after Buffy gets crowned, but all of that’s pretty difficult to do when Buffy’s not here. Faith sighs again, stretching to look past a sea of people who are both her age and really shouldn’t be this tall.
And then she can finally breathe a sigh of relief because Buffy and Cordelia are entering the venue, weaving through their classmates in the back. She takes a better look at them, and the sigh of relief was very premature because they’re covered in dirt and blood and their clothes are ripped.
What the fuck is their idea of bonding?
Faith catches Oz standing in the crowd, and apparently Willow and Xander have gotten off of their asses and joined him, so she makes her way to them as well.
She meets them just as Xander asks, “Oh god, what’d you do to each other?” A sentiment that she shares.
Buffy huffs a laugh. “Long story,” she says, moving closer to Faith and revealing Giles standing a bit behind them. She slides her hand into Faith’s and whispers, “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Faith’s brow furrows in concern. “Are you okay? What the hell happened?”
Buffy laughs again. “Long story.” Her gaze then fixes on something behind Faith, and her face takes on that determined look that means that she’s not taking no for an answer. Faith doesn’t really like that look.
“Kiss me,” Buffy says, and Faith can’t stop her eyebrows shooting up as her eyes widen.
“Do what?” she practically hisses, because this was so not in the job description.
“Kiss me,” Buffy says, rolling her eyes. “He’s right behind you,” she adds, dropping her voice and tilting her head slightly.
Faith stares at her like she’s gone insane before briefly glancing up at the ceiling (as if someone up there can help her in this situation). Praying this doesn’t completely fuck something up in her, she cups Buffy’s cheek and kisses her, right there in the Bronze for Scott Hope and every other student at Sunnydale High to see.
She really hopes Buffy's thought this through, because this definitely fucked something up in her.
2. Angel
Buffy has to stop inviting Faith to school dances to make her exes jealous.
Well, Faith should really stop saying yes, but it’s the point of the matter. And here she is, at Prom for some reason, pretending to be Buffy’s girlfriend again on the off-chance that Angel shows up doing his whole bullshit white knight routine.
At least Buffy seems to be learning from her mistakes, so if Faith has to go to a school dance for Buffy to get away from Angel, she’ll make the sacrifice.
And honestly, it’s kinda cute, the sort of moment that maybe makes Faith wish that she went to high school. Just a tiny bit because everything else about school sucks and Faith is not putting herself through that.
Buffy’s won this cute little Class Protector award with an umbrella and everything, and Faith’s, like, weirdly proud of her. And she’s proud to be the one who Buffy’s coming off the stage to.
And she’s pretty proud that she’s the one Buffy’s dancing with when she catches sight of Angel walking through the doors. She’s also really pissed because who the fuck breaks up with a girl right before prom and then shows up out of nowhere like this? Fucking asshole.
And because Faith’s Faith and she has to fuck every good thing up, she murmurs, “Angel’s here.”
Buffy tenses, but she’d clearly already noticed by the way she nods. “I know,” she whispers, and then she pulls away slightly, a twinkle in her eye that Faith doesn’t trust.
“If you’re going to ask me to kiss you again…” Faith warns, even though her lips betray her and tilt into a smile.
Buffy shrugs. “The whole school thinks I’m gay anyway.”
Faith laughs. “That’s because you kissed me-”
Buffy shuts her up with another kiss, and apparently this is a habit now, some kind of weird Slayer tradition, and Faith doesn’t hate it.
It does make it sweeter that Angel’s disappeared when they pull away.
3. Parker Abrams
Faith isn’t sure how she ended up here.
The fake dating thing was fun the first two times, when Faith actually lived in Sunnydale and was readily available, but now, she’s spending her one night in town going to a frat party. Once again, to make Buffy’s newest ex jealous.
This is a great use of her time.
She’s only in Sunnydale after hearing news of Spike’s return, but it seems she’s missed it anyway. Shame. Sounded like a good time.
So instead of getting drunk and finding someone to hook up with, she’s getting drunk and pretending she has someone to hook up with. Yay.
“That guy,” Buffy mutters, rolling her eyes, and Faith has to bite back a laugh. How’d Buffy actually fall for this guy’s bullshit? Faith can practically smell fuckboy from across the room.
Unfortunately, he’s not across the room for much longer.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you around before,” Mr. Fuckboy says. “I’m Parker. Parker Abrams.”
Faith puts on the most sickenly sweet smile she possibly can and wraps an arm around Buffy’s waist. “And I’m taken,” she says, still smiling, and she kisses Buffy before asking, “Wanna get out of here, babe?”
Buffy smirks. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Still holding onto Buffy, Faith blows a kiss at the shell-shocked asshole. “Nice to meet you, Peter,” she says, and then the two of them wander out of the party.
4. Riley Finn
It’s been two and a half years since Buffy first emergency girlfriended Faith, and it’s well past time for the reunion tour. At least, Buffy seems to think so.
Faith already wasn’t super happy about going back to Sunnydale, but after Buffy dying and being resurrected and all that shit, it seemed like the right thing to do. And here she is, stuck pretending to be Buffy’s girlfriend as her army ex returns toting his new, hot army wife. Not to mention the whole Buffy-is-sleeping-with-Spike bullshit that she found out about a few weeks ago. She’s not about to tell anyone who they should be fucking, but that can’t be healthy.
Well, at least Buffy went to her instead of her vampire boy toy for once. Faith’s honestly not sure what the plan is here besides follow Buffy around, act like they’re completely in love (not too difficult, at least on Faith’s end), and maybe kill a demon. Easy.
And yet, easy on the Hellmouth is never really easy, is it? Because of course Buffy ended up sleeping with Spike again (Faith doesn’t resent him at all, she really doesn’t), and of fucking course he’s this Doctor guy (okay, that one’s a bit of a stretch even for Faith’s Spike-hatred; even he’s not that stupid). So now they both have to look Buffy’s weird Midwestern farmboy ex in the eyes knowing that he’s well aware of the fact that they pretended to date each other to make Buffy look less pathetic.
So, that went well.
At least he’s fucking off to somewhere in Asia. Faith’s just met the guy and she hates him. How the hell did Buffy date him for a year? Faith really thinks that if she never sees this guy again, it’ll be far, far too soon.
5. Spike
Buffy hasn’t learned her lesson. Apparently Faith hasn’t either.
It’s literally been a week, and here they are, doing the fake dating thing again but at Xander and Anya’s wedding. The wedding of two of their closest friends where everyone knows that they aren’t actually dating.
This is not a good plan. This is a terrible, horrible, no good, very fucking bad plan.
And somehow, it’s working as Buffy bounds up to Faith. “He bought it,” she says excitedly, leaning back against the wall and sipping her drink.
Faith raises her eyebrows. “You were fucking a week ago, and he bought it?” She scoffs. “Really though he was smarter than that.”
Buffy rolls her eyes, setting her drink down. “I told you it’d work.” She reaches out her hand, pulling a begrudging Faith off of the wall. “Dance with me?”
Faith follows her onto the dance floor, and maybe if it’s just the two of them, she can forget all of the crazy shit that’s happened the past few years. Maybe they’re dancing at prom, pissing off a different vampire ex before they had to worry about bills and jobs and sex (well, before Buffy had to worry about that stuff. Again, it’s the point of the matter). And when Faith kisses Buffy, she gets the same satisfaction at pulling one over on Spike that she did three years ago when it was Angel.
Maybe she just likes pissing vampires off.
+1. Faith Lehane
It’s been a year and a half since the last time Faith went on a fake date with Buffy, and in that time, Sunnydale turned into a massive crater and the number of Slayers went from two to about two thousand.
So, Faith can pretty safely say that a lot’s changed.
She’s not even sure what the point of this date is; she’s been pretty close to Buffy ever since Sunnydale went boom, and she doesn’t remember a single boyfriend since Spike went boom along with the Hellmouth. Maybe she’s not been paying close enough attention.
Anyway, Buffy’s paying for a surprisingly nice dinner, so Faith’s not going to say something stupid like “who are we even making jealous anyway?” She has enough sense to not ruin a good thing.
But then dessert comes and goes, and the bill’s paid, and they’re walking out of the restaurant, still without an ex reveal. And Faith feels obligated to say something, but she’s not exactly sure what that “something” should be.
She settles on, “B, is this a date?”
Buffy looks at her, confused. “Yes?” She stops walking, staring at Faith as they stand in the middle of the sidewalk, the only people on the street. “Why else did I ask you out?”
And for a second, Faith lets herself hope. “This isn’t another ‘let’s pretend Faith’s my girlfriend so I can make my ex jealous’ thing?”
“What? No!” Buffy looks hurt now, and Faith sort of hates herself for overcomplicating all of this. “You really think I’d do that?”
“Well…” Faith shrugs. “You have done it five times.” She sees Buffy deflate, and now she feels even worse. She sighs, hesitating after practically every word. “I… always wanted those dates to be real. I wanted to actually be your girlfriend, not just pretending to fuck your ex over. I just… I don’t get what you want from me.”
Buffy steps forward, cupping Faith’s cheek like Faith is the only thing keeping her anchored, keeping her here. “I just want you,” Buffy says, searching Faith’s eyes with hers, and Faith can feel her cheeks heat.
“I can do that,” she murmurs, and then Buffy leans forward and kisses her.
It’s about five years overdue, and it’s technically not their first kiss, but it’s absolutely perfect, and Faith feels like she’s home.