Work Text:
“Why do you think we’re here?”
Sonar slowly removes his fist from its contemplative spot on his lips. “Why do you think we’re here?”
Linda from HR stops typing on her computer. Her lips thin. “You have been sexually harassing a coworker. Your dispatcher, actually.”
“Any actions I, allegedly, took are well within my rights as a sovereign citizen to do so.”
She looks away from the monitor to meet his eyes. “These are not allegations, Sonar. We have video evidence. The office has cameras.”
Sonar scratches his chin as if in deep thought. “It allegedly has cameras.”
Linda pulls a file from a stack set to the side. She begins thumbing through the thick stack of paper inside.
“Let's see… You refuse to call him by his name, instead only referring to him as ‘twink’ or ‘the twink’, you have continuously made gratuitous references to various aspects of his body including while on call, you keep giving him dead rats during his lunch break-,”
“He never brings his own lunch. I’m helping a friend out. Is that illegal?”
“-he claims you use your sonar an excessive amount when in his presence as if ‘eye groping’ him-,”
“Literally just how I see. Linda from HR, do you want me to not be able to see? That sounds fucked up.”
“-and every time you pass him in the halls you ‘pat’ him on the butt.”
"Pat?" Sonar raises his right hand, as if swearing on a bible. “Smacked, your honor. The twink has a nice ass, very tight.”
Both of them stare at each other blankly. The only sound in the room is the faint hum of the AC and the ticking of the clock above the door.
“...Allegedly." Sonar has watched the shit out of Legal Eagle. His ass is covered.
Linda clicks her tongue. “The only reason you are here is because of the good will of Robertson. He’s giving you a second, third, and fourth chance when by policy-” she gestures at the file, “you should have been out the door a long time ago."
By god does that twink have a heart of gold. Sonar feels a tear run down his leg.
“First of all, didn’t ask. Second of all, don't care.”
Linda fights back a sigh. “Ok. I see how this is going to go,” she grabs a different manila folder before standing up from her desk, “follow me.”
Sonar is practically led by the ear down that hall into a dim conference room. The door shuts behind them, leaving them in darkness.
Sitting across from a rolling TV stand is both Invisigal and Blonde Blazer. Invisigal has her feet up on the desk, and Blonde Blazer is currently trying to make herself seem as small as possible in her chair.
Sonar sits down next to them. He doesn't 'manspread' as he’s a feminist. And 6’2, by the way.
Linda slides a printed worksheet in front of each of them. She turns on the TV and navigates through the menu to begin the video, ‘Lesson One: Appropriate Workplace Conduct’.
“You three are going to watch this video, fill out these work sheets, and then we will all be having a long conversation on what is appropriate workplace conduct. Understand?”
Blonde Blazer meekly mumbles an affirmation as she grabs a pencil from the mug in front of them.
Linda pushes back through the conference room doors, leaving the three of them to their devices. With her gone Invisigal immediately turns towards Sonar.
She gives a casual upwards nod of recognition, because she’s cool like that. “Hey.”
“Hey. What are you in for?”
Invisigal grins. “Smacking the twink's ass.
“Same here brother. Up top.”
They high five.